PERSONAL

RELATIONSHIP
-ATTRACTION,
LOVE, AND
COMMITMENT
 Making time for one another is vital to keep the
relationship healthy and the process of give and take are
great ways to sustain a relationship (miller, 2008).

Indeed, any relationship needs to be a dealt with mindful

and careful consideration of things, whatever kind of
relationship it might be. Keeping a good relationship with
people will help you grow in some ways.

In this lesson, we will try to know how people

express feelings and emotions toward others. By
having careful reflections on the ways, we do to
express out attraction, love, and commitment.
 •Attraction
•Love
•Commitment
 ATTRACTION
When you have a positive attitude or evaluation regarding a
patricular person in relation to different components, that is
interpersonal attraction. For many, interpersonal attraction
relates only between two people having an intimate and
romantic relationship. However, it is not only limited to such
since it may also transpire between friends, colleagues, family
members, and others.

There are a lot of key components of attraction that may be

the reason for someone liking others. some of those are:
•Physical attractiveness
Attractive people draw out a more positive first
impression. Initially, people tend to be influenced
by what they see. Even the younger ones prefer to
look at faces those adults consider attractive rather
than at opposite ones (Langlois, [Link]. 1991). Our
perception of beauty, though, differs from one
another since it can be influenced by culture,
educational background, social status, etc.
Everyone has his/her idea of what or who is
attractive based on physical appearance.
Facial features like the shape and color of the eyes, the
nose, the lips, and even the cheekbones and jaw have an
impact when talking with another person or people; the
built of the body, the color of the hair, the complexion,
the smoothness of the skin, and the smile also may be
considered with impact as these are the first things
available elements presented even without interaction. It
could also be added that certain similarities in facial and
bodily symmetry or resemblance with anyone they knew,
with someone they like, or with a person they used to talk
with, could also be determinants of liking another person
or people.
•Similarity
When you are asked by your teacher to select a partner
for an activity, who do you usually choose? Why? The
common answer might be a friend who used to be with
you, perhaps, because there is a connection between the
two of you that you do not have with others. We can say
that you are "on the same wavelength" that is why you
find it easy to get along with him/her because you share
the same interests and opinions.
Many researches support that similarity causes attraction.
Oftentimes, people classify other people based on
information they already knew about them. That is social
categorization, wherein, people mentally group others on
where they belong and that with the same characteristics
with them, like group age, religion, personality, attitude,
social status, or education. Thus, this social categorization
has a negative effect. When people rely too much on that
mentality, it results to stereotyping, where someone is
being judged by others only because they were part of a
specific group they knew and not based on who he/she is.
•Proximity
One of the important aspects of any relationship is distance.
Proximity pertains to physical distance with other people and
it is related to functional distance (how often people interact
or communicate with each other). The more you encounter or
interact with the person, the more you allow yourself to get to
know him/her better which leads to a better relationship like
friendship or intimate relationship. Most likely, the people
always near you just like your classmate or neighbor has a big
tendency to become your friend.
•Reciprocity
We tend to get along with people or with someone whom we have
the same feelings toward. It is called reciprocity. It is when feelings
with someone are being reciprocated or returned in the same way as
you do. According to Brannan and Mohr, authors of one of the
modules of in the book of Together: The Science of Social Psychology,
"Another way to think of it is that relationships are built on a give
and take; if one side is not reciprocating, then the relationship is
doomed". These may happen in any relationship, with friends,
classmates, family members, or romantic partners.

The attraction is something that may happen in different ways, with

different people, and in different circumstances, and may lead to a
much deeper connection or relation with others.
 LOVE
It appears that the word Love has many meanings. Some definitions in
the Meriam-Webster dictionary are:

1. (a) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties;

(b) attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by

lovers; (c) affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common
interests

2. An assurance of affection Any discussion about love piques the

curiosity and interest of young adults your age. It may differ depending
on one's experience and knowledge of love, though. Sometimes, it may
affect the emotional and psychological being of a person, thus
influencing his/her emotion toward another. This emotional bond depends
on the presence or absence of support from others.
According to Sue Carter and Stephen Porges,
"love is one of the important components of
a complex neurochemical system that allows
the body to adapt to highly emotional
situations". Some elements are responsible
for the deep and strong bonds of a person
with others that resulted to love.
 One of the accountable chemicals for the connection of two
individuals like between mother and child inside her womb
and even after giving birth is Oxytocin (Keverne, 2006). It is a
peptide also known as the love hormone, a female
reproduction hormone, which helps to deepen the connection
between mother and child through breastfeeding. It is
transmitted to the brain tissue of the child that allows and
creates a strong bond between them. This is the reason why
it is considered as the first form of love. Together with
Oxytocin, Endorphin, Serotonin, and Dopamine are so-called
"feel good" chemicals that promote strong connections/bonds
between people since it releases during happy moments.
 Another element that promotes love is Vasopressin. It is
also a peptide that conveys the behavior of an individual's
social engagement (Kenkel et al, 2012). One of its roles is to
produce a behavior of developing stable, loving, and long-
term relationship with others.

The studies of Cohen 2007; Fisher et. al, 2009 explained

that the serotonin production of newly-in-love individuals
increases up to 40% just like with the brain of a drug addict.
And, when a person experiences heartbreak, the brain
processes just like an addict quitting a heroin habit.
In the book of Principles of Social Psychology - 1st International
Edition by Dr. Charles Strangor, he explained Robert
Sternberg's proposed Triangular Model of Love. It says that
there are seven (7) different types of Love, and each type
consists of the combinations of variables (Cognitive,
Physiological and Affective variables) that are specified in
Three (3) different components/factors: Intimacy, Passion, and
Commitment. (see figure 1) Intimacy is consisting of affective
variables such as closeness, caring, and emotional support;
Passion consists of physiological and affective variables like
physical attraction, emotional responses that promote
physiological changes, and sexual arousal; and Commitment is
a cognitive process and decision to dedicate love to another
individual with the willingness to keep the relationship lasts
Since love has its different types, we could say that it
may happen any time, to any individual, at a different
level with people around us like friends, classmates,
neighbors, family members, etc. The quality of a
relationship is how both partners relate to each other.
There are different ways in showing love with our
loved ones or partners and are emphasized in Three
(3) attachment styles we display when we interact
with our parents, our friends, and our romantic
partners (Eastwick & Finkel, 2008).
•SECURE ATTACHMENT STYLE - a healthy style wherein the children
used to receive care and easily communicate with the parents
since they feel that they are always available to listen and keep
them safe.

•ANXIOUS/AMBIVALENT ATTACHMENT STYLE - when children are

lacking or seeking more affection from parents because they are
too dependent on them.

•AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE - it is when children are distant to

the parent/s, sometimes due to unpleasant experiences.

These attachment styles have a big effect or impact on how an

individual perceived and expresses behavior with or towards others
 COMMITMENT

You already have an idea of what attraction is,

how it happens, and how it grows, also the
types of love and how each type related and
comprised with. Now, let us have the
commitment and how this thing may happen
and how it will last.
 It is a long-term relationship between individuals. A
more complex relationship that resulted to
increasingly turn to each other not only for social
support but also for help in coordinating activities,
remembering dates and appointments, and
accomplishing tasks (Wegner, Erber, & Raymond,
1991). Many people say that for you to be able to have
a successful relationship, you should know your
similarities and differences; understand your partner's
needs and desires; and invest time and effort to work
things out and last for a lifetime.
Dr. Rajiv Jhangiani and Dr. Hammond Tarry reiterated
the Slotter et al., 2011 that "commitment refers to
the feelings and action that keep partners working
together to maintain the relationship". Any
relationship will last through the cooperation of both
parties, without this, the relationship will not last and
ends with breaking up.

Commitment is a choice, a long and not an easy

process that needs to be participated by you and
 What is it?

Various people have a certain impact in different aspects of your life. It

may be different in level and differ from who or how that person relates to
our life.

Expressing our attraction, love, and commitment to a specific person is

different on how we express it with a different set of people. A good
example of this is how you might be open in expressing your admiration
with your romantic partner yet be discreet or reserved in saying or
expressing your feeling with your family members. This difference may be
interpreted differently by others, as well. For whatever reasons, even non-
verbally, expressing our love to our support system (people dear to us) is
important and we should continuously communicate with them and never
fail to express that we are grateful with them being in our side.
 Below are some collected
ideas on how to exercise
expressing affections and
developed into a commitment
for any kinds of relationship.
These may serve as tips on
how to keep healthy
relationships with others.
 •STAY HAPPY - Happiness gives you the feeling of
satisfaction for both abstract and concrete things.

•BE EMPATHIC -Empathizing with another is acting with

greater cooperation and overall selflessness—the desire to
help, even at a potential cost to the self.

•BE A HELPING HAND- In times of trouble (e.g., mentally/

emotionally), make him/her feel that he/she always has
you on his/her side.
 •KEEP OPEN COMMUNICATION- It provides an
opportunity to size up the trustworthiness of an
person by verbally committing to cooperate with
another.
•SHOW RESPECT- people are likely to give
resect to others by being polite, honest, and by
showing kindness all the time.
•ALWAYS TRUST- Working with others toward a common
goal requires a level of faith that others will repay our hard
work and generosity. Supporting their interests is also
showing your trust.
Thank
you