CONVERSATION

ETIQUETTE
WHAT IS CONVERSATION?
• In general, conversation involves speaking and listening in a sequence.
It is an oral exchange of sentiments, observations, opinions, and
ideas.
• Conversation in the social context, is “informal talk in which people
exchange views, feelings and thoughts”.
• Conversation in the professional context is “informal discussion of an
issue by representatives of governments, institutions or groups”.
• What distinguishes ordinary conversation from other forms of oral
communication such as debates, public speaking, negotiations, or
business discussions, is its informality, in the sense that it is relaxed
and friendly without being restricted by the rules of formal behaviour.
• Conversation, in general, is spontaneous, friendly, and casual.
• The use of direct, informal, and commonly used phrases constitutes
the conversational style.
SOCIAL CONVERSATION
• Social conversation, also known as chit-chat or small talk, attempts to
establish a sociable atmosphere.
• At a tea-party or social gathering, the conversation reveals feelings of
togetherness, rather than communicating ideas or any specific
meaning.
• Words are used in symbolic ways, as verbal social gestures. The social
use of words is known as phatic communication (communication that
serves a social function).
• Eg, Hello, how are you? It was a pleasure meeting you, etc.
Purposes of phatic communication
• Phatic communication are used to break silence.
• Their purpose is to initiate conversation. This type of conversation
does not aim at discussing an idea that may provoke disagreement.
• Instead, the conversation is usually about some common, shared
feeling that can be instantly appreciated, such as appreciation of fine
weather or natural beauty.
• Fuller communication can grow from small, ice-breaking remarks
made upon making someone’s acquaintance.
Features of social conversation
• Social conversation, in the form of chit-chat, small talk, or phatic
communication, is not bound by any rigid order or sequence of subject matter.
• Its order and nature depends on the extent of both parties’ desire to establish
a relationship.
• This is achieved by avoiding subjects that would lead to disagreements. With
each point of agreement, doubt and suspicion of the new acquaintance wear
away and the possibility of friendship increases. And finally, when more
intimate conversation reveals common tastes, opinions, and views, friendship
replaces misgivings and communication in the real sense is made possible.
• Thus, social conversation is psychologically structured, beginning in casual
chit-chat and developing into genuine communication expressive of friendship
and cooperation.
Tips for starting—and ending conversations:
• Be the first to say “hello.” Smile first and always shake hands when you meet someone.
• Take your time during introductions. Make an extra effort to remember names and use them
frequently.
• Get another person talking by leading with a common ground statement regarding the occasion
or location and then asking a related open-ended question. For example, you can also ask them
about their trip in or how they know the bride or groom.
• Show interest in your conversational partner by actively listening and giving verbal feedback.
Maintain eye contact. Listen more than you talk.
• Be prepared to have something interesting to contribute. Staying on top of current events will
provide you with great conversation builders, leading with “What do you think of?” Have you
heard?”
• Be aware of your body language. People who look or act ill-at-ease make others uncomfortable.
Have a few exit lines ready, so that you can gracefully move on. For example, “I need to check in
with a client over there,” or “Who do you know at this meeting that could help me with …?
EFFECTIVE CONVERSATION
• Humans begin conversing from childhood. From infancy, we develop
the basic tool of conversation that is language. Gradually we become
familiar with complex uses of language suited to our purpose: to
inform and to persuade.
• However, even though we naturally pick up the ability to converse, we
may lack the skills of a good conversationalist, which include knowing
how to speak as well listen.

Conversation is not a monologue, it’s a dialogue

Good conversation is characterized by the
following features:
• It has natural directness and spontaneity.
• It is live in the sense that it takes place face-to-face, and the
participants can see and hear each other at the same time.
• The live presentation of conversation is enriched and made effective
with the added power of body language—a great source of
communicative effectiveness.
• It is sensitive and flexible in that it can change quickly according to the
participants’ reactions.
CONVERSATION CONTROL
• Conversation control refers to the skills of listening and talking in a positive
and meaningful way at an appropriate time.
• It calls upon the ability to listen with concentration and respond well.
• It includes: the techniques of changing the direction of conversation
smoothly, and the ability to allow a discussion to develop along key issues
in an uninterrupted way towards the desired end.

Conversation control does not mean that you can control someone’s
conversation. What it does mean is that with practice you can control your
own conversation, and in time be able to influence others and encourage
them to respond in a positive and relevant way
In business, the following situations require
the application of conversation control skills:
• Selling and buying
• Negotiating Interviewing
• Participating in meetings
• Disagreeing without being rude
• Protesting without offending
• Complimenting/praising
• Responding to personal criticism
The following are situations where effective
conversation skills are useful:
• Interacting with people in meetings in a convincing way
• Handling objections to a proposal
• Being able to react to criticism in a confident manner
• Developing skills in interviewing
• Learning how to get correct information quickly
Managing Negative Responses
• Disagreement and rejection tend to disturb a person’s cool. When this
happens, it is important to be patient and try to persuade the other
party of your argument by showing an understanding of their
viewpoint and by responding to the specific reasons for disagreement
or rejection.
• To some extent, a negative response shows a failure to convince the
other person of the validity, soundness, or correctness of one’s idea
or proposal.
• Do not attribute rejection or disagreement to deliberate or personal
reasons on the part of the disagreeing person.
How to tackle negative responses
• Show that you do not doubt the positive intentions of the other person. Use
expressions such as “You are right about that, but…”.
• Avoid completely rejecting the other person’s arguments.
• Do not use negative expressions. Instead of saying “Perhaps you do not know…” try
“Perhaps, you know…”. Using “perhaps” suggests possibility but not certainty.
• When the signs and cues of doubt, disagreement, or rejection become obvious, pause
and summarize whatever has been discussed so far and ask the other person whether
the
• Assure the other person that you share their concerns and would keep their concerns
in mind. Also elaborate on how you would meet their concerns.
• Finally, never get desperate, frustrated, or angry when confronted with rejection and
disagreement. Emotional reactions affect your ability to convince logically.
Noticing and Recognizing Cues and Clues
• Conversation consists of words as well as non-verbal gestures, and it
communicates both stated and implied messages.
• Words communicate the stated message, while non-verbal signs and
signals communicate the implied message.
• Cues and clues together with signs and signals point out what is
important and what is not.
• When people use the first-person pronouns, “I”, “me”, and “my”, they are talking about
themselves, the person of greatest importance to them.
• When people strongly qualify their statements with adjectives indicative of deep
emotions or great enthusiasm, they give clues as to their state of mind. Watch out for
words such as “pressured”, “concerned”, “angry”, “worried”, “annoyed”, “unhappy”,
“disappointed”, or “enthusiastic”, “keen”, “excited”, and “inspired”.
• For example, when a person says he is under pressure to finish a task, he is giving a
strong clue about action that needs to be taken within the shortest possible time. We
should listen carefully when people use words that indicate that they are under pressure
to act in a certain way.
• For example, when somebody makes a statement like: “The whole plan went wrong!
There was so much confusion and such little time. I think I failed in my responsibility to
organize the event.” or “The whole thing was a disaster.”
• When someone uses words that suggest doubt and concern, it is a
clue to the speaker’s personal problems. You can help the other
person if you find out exactly what these issues are. By asking what he
or she proposes to do or whom he or she is planning to consult, you
can find out different ways of helping with the problem.
• Finally, listen and notice the natural pauses that people use after
saying something important. It is at this point that you show the
speaker that you have understood the key issues raised by him or her,
by accurately and sympathetically talking on those issues. You can
thus continue the conversation in a controlled way and convince the
other person of your understanding of the real issues.
Interpreting Signs and Signals
• Conversation is composed of verbal and visual indicators. Verbal
indicators involve cues given and clues received. Visual indicators
consist of signs given and signals received. Nonverbal messages flow
through signs and signals.
• While in conversation, people unconsciously move their hands, eyes,
head, legs, and other parts of the body or engage in other non-verbal
behaviour, such as the frequent gulping of water. These non-verbal
acts reflect the state of their minds. Body movements, gestures, and
actions communicate in a visible manner what lies concealed in the
mind.
• Signs consist of visual indicators such as frowns, smiles, eye
movements, and so on. Signals are behavioural indicators others give
us.
• For example, drinking water every 10 to 15 minutes during a speech is
a sign of thirst. However, to the audience it may also signal the
speaker’s nervousness.