Emotional Intelligence
October 1995 issue – Daniel Goleman based on his
book Emotional Intelligence
-Was initially studied in 1920’s during the IQ
movement and called social intelligence.
Researchers testing intelligence realized that IQ did
not capture all of a person’s potential for success.
However, the behavioral psychology movement
stifled the study of emotional intelligence as it was
considered taboo to explore this side of the human
psyche.
-Intellect accounts for 20% of success in life
(emotional intelligence, social class, and luck make
up rest)
-Research at Yale in the early 1990s was conclusive
that the EQ is a major indicator of achievement,
which helped explain why two people with the
same intelligence could attain vastly different
levels of success in their work and personal lives.
Emotional Intelligence (EI)
Defined
Using this
Ability to recognize awareness to
and understand manage yourself
emotions and relationships
with others
Johnny Mac – Emotionally Intelligent?
[Link]
Aristotle says,
Anybody can become angry –
that is easy, but to be angry with
the right person and to the right
degree and at the right time and
for the right purpose, and in the
right way – that is not within
everybody’s power and is not
easy.
Science Behind EI – Brain
Pathways
EQ affected by our ability
to form & keep well-
I think rationally traveled connections here
(way over here)
Limbic System
(I feel here)
Spinal Chord
(enters brain here)
Our brains are wired to make us emotional creatures. We
experience the emotional response to an event before it
reaches the part of the brain that thinks rationally and reacts to
the emotion.
The more we think about what we are feeling – and do
something productive with that feeling – the more developed
this pathway becomes. The more traffic in both directions the
better.
This means if I typically yell when I’m feeling angry, I have
to learn to choose an alternative reaction. I must practice this
new reaction many times before it will replace my urge to
yell.
4 Skills of Emotional Intelligence
WHAT I SEE WHAT I DO
PERSONAL Self-Awareness Self-
COMPETEN
CE
Management
Emotional
Intelligenc
e
Management
SOCIAL
COMPETEN Social Awareness Relationship
CE
EI Starts with Self-Awareness
Self-Awareness The greatest of faults
•Ability to accurately perceive
is to be conscious of
your own emotions none
•Stay aware of your emotions
as they happen
•Keep on top of how you tend
to respond to specific
situations and people
Thomas Carlyle
Improving Self-Awareness
Know Thyself [Link]
See yourself for who you are (what do you think and feel)
Watch your emotions like a hawk (even physiological
signs)
Track & backtrack your emotions in a difficult
conversation or meeting – learn your tendencies in
emotionally arousing situations
Use paired sharing (peer or supervisor)
Own your actions – take full responsibility for what
you say and do
Use Awareness to Self-Manage
Self-Management The first and best
•Ability to use awareness of victory is to conquer
your emotions to stay self
flexible and positively direct
your behavior
•Managing your emotional
reactions to all situations
and people
Plato
Emotional Triggers
What are the triggers that
make you want to blow an
emotional gasket?
[Link]
Emotional Red Flags &
Breakdowns
Em
ing ail
Angr m let
y tira Sl am te rb
r
des Doo om
b
h umor
pri ate
pro
n di nap
sm a
of s arca
Use
Withdr
awal &
Isolatio
n
Holding
grudges
a nd ge t
ting eve
a vior n
eh
ggre ssive b
si ve A
Pas
Becoming Socially Aware
Social Awareness Resolve to be tender with the
•Ability to accurately pick young, compassionate with the
up on emotions in other aged, sympathetic with the
people striving and tolerant with the
weak and wrong. Sometime in
•Understand what is really
your life, you will have been all
going on
of these.
•Understanding what other
people are thinking and
feeling even if you don’t
feel the same way
Gautama Buddha
[Link]
Social Awareness Requires
Empathy
Empathy is the ability to see the world
from another’s point of view and to
identify and understand another’s
situation, feelings and motives
Improving Social Awareness
Spend extra time observing,
asking & listening
Maintain eye contact
Give the speaker your full
attention
Playback and summarize
Try on their shoes
Suspend your judgment
Read body language
Decipher emotions in speech
tone
Use Awareness to Manage Relationships
Relationship People aren’t either wicked or
Management noble. They’re like chef salads
•Ability to use awareness of with good things and bad things
your emotions and emotions chopped up and mixed together in
of others to manage a vinaigrette of confusion and
interactions successfully conflict.
•Ensure clear
communication and
effective handling of conflict
[Link]
Lemony Snicket
Final Thoughts
If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if
you don’t have self-awareness, if you are
not able to manage your distressing
emotions, if you can’t have empathy and
have effective relationships, than no
matter how smart you are, you are not
going to get very far.
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
An emotionally intelligent person:
- capable of recognizing his/her own feelings
- competent in identifying how various emotions
affect him/her
- needs to know how to:
identify emotions
understand emotions
use emotions
manage emotions
IDENTIFYING AN EMOTION
naming or describing it
identifying the biological, cognitive and behavioral
makeup
being keen to bodily manifestations --> determine the
intensity
know thoughts that triggered and vice versa
determine how you express the emotion, how often
felt, consequences, how appropriate to the situation
Understanding Emotions
making sense and meaning of what you feel
know:
the reason that you feel the emotion
what specific need you want to satisfy or
what motivates you to feel it
USING YOUR EMOTIONS
drawing on emotions to direct actions, make
decisions, work with reason to your advantage
create your mood
Mood different from emotions but relative to what
you feel about the present situation
mood may affect your behavior
know how to acknowledge your emotions without
ignoring feelings
use negative emotions to divert attention to things
that matter more
Managing what you feel
NOT controlling it or dominating it
entails skill and flexibility
being honest with what you feel
knowing how, when and where to express it
being aware of various ways to respond to situations
taking time to understand why you feel the way you
do before acting
Managing what you feel
Thinking and studying your options --> informed and
wise decision --> effective problem solving
physical activities, outdoor games
--> release tension
--> clear mind
--> more time to understand things
MANAGING WHAT YOU FEEL
look for something positive about the situation -->
learn from your experiences
DO NOT ignore negative feelings
know that all emotions have positive intent and may
be used to your advantage
Write or talk about your feelings
express emotions in an appropriate manner, at the
right place, and in the right time
How will you express your emotions without hurting
yourself or others?
You discover that your friend is saying nasty rumors
about you
You learn that your partner is courting another person
You receive a failing grade in one subject and you
know that your parents will be disappointed about
this
Journal Activity
What makes it easy or difficult for you to write or
speak about different types of emotions?
What causes your pleasant (e.g., happy) and
unpleasant emotions (e.g., irritation)?
Based on your experience, what usually triggers your
negative emotions?
What emotion do you find difficult to control with?
What strategies do you have in mind to control such
emotion?
EQ QUIZ
[Link]
EQ Quiz Instructions
Read each question and select 1-5, based on your
immediate response to the item.
1 = Strongly Disagree
2 = Disagree
3 = Neither Agree or Disagree
4 = Agree
5 = Strongly Agree
EQ Quiz Scoring
Add up your score to determine where you stand
on Emotional Intelligence
119 or higher = Above Average EI
98 – 118 = Moderate EI
97 or lower = Low EI
EQ vs. Job Title
Supervisor Manager Director Executive C-Suite
Often promote based on intellect instead of EQ
