Friendship

Relationships
Chapter 10
 In this chapter we will explore:

• Friendship relationships
• Stages and types of friendship
• Friendships in different contexts
How do you define friendship?
Friendship can be defined in different ways, informed by different
perspectives:
• Anthropological
• Clinical psychology
• Dictionary
• Evolutionary
• Friendship as love
• Legal
• Personality
• Philosophy
• Social psychology
 What characteristics would you use to describe
friendship (slide 1)?
Five characteristics differentiating friendship from other forms of
interpersonal relationships:
1. All friendships are essentially voluntary

2. Friendships are personal relationships that are negotiated between two individuals
• Individualized and personal relationships
• Established with another individual who may belong to one or more other groups or
classes
 What characteristics would you use to describe
friendship (slide 2)?
Five characteristics differentiating friendship from other forms of
interpersonal relationships:
3. Friendships have a spirit of equality.
• A variety of characteristics differentiate friends
• Friends tend to emphasize personal attributes that serve as a leveler to make the pair
more or less equals
• What ways in which friends ensure equitability within in the friendship?
 What characteristics would you use to describe
friendship (slide 3)?
Five characteristics differentiating friendship from other forms of
interpersonal relationships:
4. Friendships have mutual involvement
• Friends collaborate to create a sense of shared social reality in the friendship

5. Friendships have affective aspects

• Affect is any experience of feeling or emotion across a diverse continuum
• Can be positive/negative, simple/complex, normal/pathological emotional reactions
• Both mood and emotion are considered affective states.
• All friendships will encompass affective components, but not all will exhibit or express
those affective components in the same way
What role does communication play in friendship
formation?
Communication competence:
• One’s ability to select an available communication behavior in order to successfully
accomplish their own interpersonal goals, while maintaining the face and line of the
communication partner within a specific situation
• Friendship is the most common place that individuals exhibit social competencies
• How does social communication competence impact friendship?

Communication apprehension:
• Individuals with higher levels of communication apprehension experience difficulty
establishing and maintaining friendships and are less satisfied with communicative
interactions with friends
What dialectical approaches impact friendship?

1. Contextual dialectics
• Friendship dialectics stemming out of the cultural order where the friendship exists
• Private/public contextual dialectics
• The public side of friendships
• Friendships vs. marital bonds
• Ideal/real contextual dialectics
• Different sources of information shape one’s ideal perception of what friendship should be
• The reality of friendships are that they are real, functioning, and full of strengths and
weaknesses
 What dialectical approaches impact friendship (slide 2)?

2. Interactional dialectics
• Friendship dialectics help us understand how communicative behavior unfolds within
friendships
• Four primary communicative dialectics for friendship:
1. Independence/dependent:
• Pull between one’s desire to be an independent person and the willingness to depend on one’s
friends
2. Affection/instrumentality
• Instrumentality is the agency of means by which a person accomplishes their own goals or
objectives
• Friendship as an end-in-itself (affection) or as a means-to-an-end (instrumentality)
What dialectical approaches impact friendship (slide 3)?

2. Interactional dialectics
• Four primary communicative dialectics for friendship:
3. Judgement/acceptance
• Friendships enhance self-esteem, making people feel accepted, cared for, and wanted
• All interpersonal relationships contain judgmental messages
• Negotiated within the friendship itself
4. Expressiveness/protectiveness
• The degree to which one wants to express themselves in their friendships while determining how
much not to express in order to protect themselves
• Social penetration theory and the need to self-disclose
• Increased vulnerability exists with increased disclosure
 How does a
friendship develop?
How does a friendship develop (role delimited
interaction)?
Role delimited interaction
• First stage of friendship
• Every individual participates in a wide range of roles within different contexts in
which they may meet new people
• Most interpersonal relationships outside of the family stem from these roles
How does a friendship develop (friendly
relations)?
Friendly relations
• Second stage of friendship
• Consists of generally positive interactions existing within a common role
• Little self-disclosure
• Communication starts moving towards friendship
How does a friendship develop (moves-toward-
friendship)?
Moves-toward-friendship
• Based on a voluntary decision
• Individuals decide to interact with each other outside of the roles in which they
originally met
• As a result, the nature of the relationship changes
How does a friendship develop (nascent
friendship)?
Nascent friendship
• Friends develop relational norms beyond their original roles and stereotypes
• Focus is on developing the friendship by setting parameters, which are honored
developing trust, resulting in increased intimacy
• Norms differ from friendship to friendship
• External forces may impact the development of the friendship
 How does a friendship develop (stabilized
friendship)?
Stabilized friendship
• Friendships gradually stabilize over time and through refinement
• The established norms and interaction patterns are functioning optimally
• New friends may be introduced into the friendship circle
• Three patterns of friendship at this stage:
• Active friendships: A negotiated sense of mutual accessibility and availability is present
• Dormant friendships: Characterized by a shared valued history or a sufficient amount of
sustained interaction is present to reactive the friendship at any time
• Commemorative friendships: Characterized by a specific space and time; current
interaction is minimal
How does a friendship develop (waning
friendship)?
Waning friendship
• Three primary reasons why friendships fail:
• Overall decrease in emotional attachment
• Either one of both parties becomes dissatisfied with the relationship and decide to
take a hiatus or spend time with others
• A relationship destroying event occurs
How does a friendship develop (post
friendship)?
Post friendship
• Last stage of friendship
• The parts of the friendship remaining after a relationship is over
• Important because these friendship remnants impact how one interacts with
friends and perceive friendships forever
What type of friendship style do you identify with?
Types of friendship styles:
• Independent
• Friendships are framed on specific life events or
circumstances
• Aligned with friendly relations stage of friendships
• Discerning
• Characterized by a deep connection with a friend
or group of friends, regardless of changing life circumstances
• Clear distinctions between friendly relations and friendship
• Less open to developing new friendships in life
• Acquisitive
• Characterized by the collection of a variety of relationships,
developing a strong core group of friends while acquiring new
ones depending on changes within their lives
How do friendships impact us psychologically?

Good and bad friendships

• Two psychological constructs:
health and enjoyment

Four types of friendships:

• Ideal friendship
• Waning friendship
• Problematic friendship
• Deviant friendship
 How does gender impact friendship?

Gender and friendships

• Communal friendships
• Agentic friendships
• Same-sex friendships
• Opposite-sex friendships
• Post modern friendships
 How does gender impact friendship (slide 2)?
Communal friendships Agentic friendships
• Characterized by intimacy, • Activity centered
personal/emotional
• Males and females have
expressiveness, amount and
agentic friendships with
quality of self-disclosure,
considerable overlap
confiding, and emotional
supportiveness • Men have slightly more
• Both males and females agentic relationships than
females
have communal
relationships
• Women report significantly
higher levels of
communality in their
relationships
 How does gender impact friendship (slide 3)?
Same-sex friendships
• Refers to friendship between two individuals of the same biological sex

Friendships develop around and confined to an activity of mutual interest

Activities providing a chance for conversation and noncommittal associations

Friendships in which an individual has a personal confidant with whom

Personal support they share their deepest, darkest secrets, concerns, needs, and desires

Individuals develop friendships with others who possess skills that are
Problem-solving complementary to their own life

Friendships are a mutual exchange. If one person isn’t devoting time to

Reciprocation the relationship, the other is less likely to do so as well
 How does gender impact friendship (slide 4)?
Both sexes build relationships in these areas with some differences

Male friendships can be as Male-male friendships around

intimate as female relationships Activities activities are less communal
but may look more distant. • Less intimate due to limited
information sharing
Personal support • Rewarding experiences

Friendships are viewed in terms

Problem-solving of teams with team members and
allies
Females tend to view
friendships as a mutual More likely to be friends with
Reciprocation those most like them
exchange
 What challenges are present in opposite-sex friendships?

• Friendships between males and females

• Five challenges facing cross-sex relationships
• Emotional bond
• Sexuality
• Inequality and power
• Public relationships
• Opportunity structure
What challenges are present in opposite-sex friendships (slide 2)?
• Inherent problem that one friend may interpret the friendship as romantic
• Four love styles distinguishing types of emotional bonds
• Friendship
• Platonic love
• Friendship love
• Physical love
• Romantic love
• Challenge is findings a shared sense of love without one partner slipping into one of
the other four categories of love
What challenges are present in opposite-sex friendships (slide 3)?

• Sexuality
• Latent or manifested sexual attraction is always a possibility, either individually
or mutually, which individuals may elect not to pursue
• Inequality and power
• Will always exist in cross-sex friendships
• Should avoid exchange friendships (which puts the males in a better position)
• Instead, should develop communal friendships (which doesn’t fully eliminate an
imbalance)
• Females are more likely to get their emotional needs met through same-sex
friendships
• Males are more likely to get their emotional needs met through opposite-sex
friendships (which puts females in a subordinate position)
What challenges are present in opposite-sex friendships (slide 4)?

• Public relationships
• Possible others will view the relationship as romantic
• Possible others would believe that the relationship is only friendship
• May lead to questioning one’s sexual orientation
• Can cause problems for cross-sex romantic partners

• Opportunity structure
• Society has not structured opportunities to nurture cross-sex friendships
 Why are postmodern friendships important?

Postmodern friendships
• Friendships in which friends co-construct the individual and dyadic realities
• Interpersonal communication is used to negotiate and affirm (or not) both identities
and intersubjectively creating relational and personal realities
• Heteronormative patterns of understanding have biased how scholars examine basic
issues of same-sex and cross-sex friendships
 What characteristics describe cross-group friendships?

Cross-group friendships
• Friendships between two individuals belonging to two or more different cultural
groups (e.g., ethnicity, race, sexual orientation, socioeconomic status, nationality,
etc.)
• Cultural identity contributes to feelings of belonging or isolation
• Our society is often highly intertwined with marginalization
• Individuals tend to associate with people who are demographically and ideologically
similar (more so among men than women)
• Individuals judge the communicative behavior of individuals out-groups based on
their ethnocentric perceptions of behavior (e.g., race, sexual orientation, religion,
etc.) using the in-group’s communicative behavioral norms.
 What characteristics describe cross-group friendships
(slide 2)?
Cross-group friendships
• People of marginalized groups view this marginalization as intrinsically intertwined
with their identity
• Two most important factors in developing cross-group friendships
• Individuals who are racist are less likely to engage in cross-group relationships
• Actual exposure to cross-group friendships can lead to more inter-group contact and
more positive attitudes towards members of that group
• Successful cross-group relationships depend on:
• Time
• Self-disclosure
How has friendship evolved in mediated contexts?

• Mobinah Ahmad’s 6 Stage Theory of mediated friendships

• Pre-acquaintance
• Acquaintance Level 1
• Acquaintance Level 2
• Acquaintance Level 3
• Pre-friend
• Friend
• Ways in which friends use technology to interact with friends
• Internet-independent
• Internet-dependent