Module 9:
Building and Maintaining
Relationships
Personal Relationships
•Big Question: How does
knowing more about
attraction, love, and
commitment help
adolescents become more
responsible in a
relationship?
Objectives:
At the end of this module, the learners will be
able to:
• 1. discuss an understanding of teenage
relationships, including the acceptable and
unacceptable expressions of attractions,
• 2. express their ways of showing attraction,
love, and commitment; and
• 3. identify ways to become responsible in a
relationship.
Basic Definitions
Relationship
- a relation between people
- a state of connectedness
between people
(especially an
emotional
connection)
Love
- strong affection for another arising out of
kinship or personalities <maternal love
for a child>
- attraction based on sexual desire :
affection and tenderness felt by lovers
-affection based on admiration,
benevolence, or common interests <love
for his old schoolmates>
Commitment
- the act of binding yourself
(intellectually or emotionally) to a
course of action
- a message that makes a pledge
Attraction
- the act, power, or property of
attracting
- attractive quality; magnetic charm;
fascination;allurement;
enticement
- a person or thing
that draws, attracts,
allures, or entices
Responsibility
- the social force that
binds you to the courses
of action demanded by
that force
- a form of trustworthiness; the
trait of being answerable to
someone for something or being
responsible for one’s conduct
STATEMENTS ON RELATIONSHIPS
• State whether these statements are True or False.
• 1. It is important to work on
communicating our feelings in
relationships.
• 2. To love someone, we must love our self
first.
• 3. Trying to understand where other
people are coming from rather than
judging them helps us build and maintain
relationships.
• 4. Having a good relationship does not
contribute anything to us having good
health.
• 5. When people listen deeply and let us
know that they recognize the feeling
behind our words, more likely than not,
our relationship is doing good.
• 6. In our relationships, it is vital that we
practice forgiveness when a loved one has
hurt us.
• 7. Our loved ones cannot help us when we
deal with stress.
• 8. Using positive methods to resolve
conflict will more likely help us maintain
good relationships.
• 9. Expressing gratitude to our friends and
family help us maintain good relationships.
• 10. Significant differences in core values
and beliefs never create a problem in
relationships.
• 11. We are happy in our relationships
when our loved ones stay connected by
spending time with us and letting us know
that they love us.
• 12. Excessive reliance on social media can
be a cause of tension in relationships.
• 13. Relationships are static; they are
unchangeable.
• 14. Being compassionate, forgiving and
grateful contribute to healthy relationships.
• 15. To fully enjoy and benefit from
relationships we need skills, information,
inspiration, practice, and social support.
WHAT DO WE MEAN BY
PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?
• The concept of relationship is very broad and
complex. In our model, personal relationships
refer to close connections between people,
formed by emotional bonds and interactions.
These bonds often grow from and are
strengthened by mutual experiences.
• Relationships are not static; they are
continually evolving, and to fully enjoy and
benefit from them, we need skills,
information, inspiration, practice, and social
support.
FAMILY
• The concept of "family" is an essential component in any
discussion of relationships, but this varies greatly from
person to person. The Bureau of the Census defines
family as "two or more persons who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption and who live together as one
household." But many people have family they don't live
with or to whom they are not bonded by love, and the
roles of family vary across cultures as well as throughout
your own lifetime. Some typical characteristics of a
family are support, mutual trust, regular interactions,
shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of
community.
FRIENDS
• A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between
two people that is often built upon mutual experiences,
shared interests, proximity, and emotional bonding.
• Friends are able to turn to each other in times of need.
Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social-network
researchers and authors of the book Connected, find that
the average person has about six close ties—though
some have more, and many have only one or none.
• Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—
research indicates that a large online network isn’t nearly
as powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.
PARTNERSHIPS
•Romantic partnerships, including
marriage, are close relationships
formed between two people that
are built upon affection, trust,
intimacy, and romantic love. We
usually experience this kind of
relationship with only one person
at a time.
Personal relationships
- relationships between people, especially
those between friends, lovers and family
members
- close connections between people,
formed by emotional bonds and
interactions
- bonds often grow from and are
strengthened by mutual experiences
WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
ARE IMPORTANT
• Research shows that healthy relationships can help
you:
• Live longer.
-50% less likely to die prematurely
-committing to a life partner can add 3 years to life
expectancy
-men’s life expectancy benefits from marriage more
that women’s do
• Deal with stress.
• Be healthier.
• Feel richer.
• On the other hand, low social support is
linked to a number of health consequences,
such as:
• Depression.
• Decreased immune function.
• Higher blood pressure.
• Isolation is fatal.
Acceptable Ways to Express
your Attraction
• Offer the gift of listening
• Say please and thank you
• Tell your loved ones how much you love
and appreciate them
• Offer to help someone in need
• Write a letter or send a card to someone
you love
• Write your loved ones a poem of
gratitude
• Practice the art of forgiveness
Unacceptable Ways to Express
your Attraction
•Acting that you own him/her
•Acting weird when you are
with him/her
•Stalk him/her on social media
•Obsession
25 MOST COMMON
RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes
emotional infidelity, one-night stands, internet
relationships (including ‘sexting’), long- and short-
term affairs and financial infidelity
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and
including questions around your gender, or your
partner's gender
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or
have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
3. Significant differences in core
values and beliefs
4. Life stages - you have
outgrown each other or have
changed significantly for
whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress,
such as Work-Related Stress, long-term
illness, mental health issues, Financial
Problems, problems with the children,
infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes
verbal as well as physical abuse: THE most
serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got
married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances,
children, health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your
partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not
seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of
the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times
from people that matter to you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your
relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of
responsibility for chores and tasks. It is not always
women who complain about this relationship
problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and
consideration / attentiveness: feeling the
relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and
traumas that lead to a change in relationship
dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health
issues suffered by one partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to
discipline / deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking
responsibility for doing something positive to
address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it
cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and /
or significant problems after the birth your baby.