Introduction

Chitrangda — Good morning to one & all present here. It is wonderful to see the
joyful smiles and anticipation for our wonderful, fast paced performance. But first of
all, I would like to introduce our academic coordinator, principal, vice principal and
chief guest for toda—
Neeti (backstage) — Arrey what are you doing? This is not your campaign speech
— it’s a farewell, not a funeral!
Chitrangda — I’m getting there, I’m getting there! As you all know, today, we are
gathered here for a very special occasion. FAREWELL 26.
Okay, without any further ado, I would like to introduce our emcees for the day —
Veer & Aarush

{Fill music}
Arush — Yeh kaunsa naata sa Veer aa gaya leftover
Veer — Yeh kaunsa unatheltic sobo sa Aarush aa gaya, yeh toh ladga bhi nhi raha
Chitrangda — Well the OGs are sitting there (points to them in the crowd) so you’ll
have to make do with them, good luck (exits)
Veer —Wait, I’ll do better
Namaste, Namaste, Satstriyakal, Assalaum Valekum, Mein hoo Veer…
Arush — Tu chor de, tere bas ki baat nhi, I think let’s stick to being ourselves & try
and give them a farewell to remember!

Veer —Welcome to the farewell of 2026, I hope you all have a lot of expectations
from us cause we clearly don’t.
Arush — It’s no enigma what happens first... in keeping with tradition, we give you...
Veer — Wait, wait! They’re here to make happy memories, pata chala farewell shuru
hone se pehle hi bhaag gaye
Arush — Arre why will they run away?
Veer— Because look- Ranveer Singh Chopra, Jiya Bhansali, Arnav Daga, Ayushree
Barman, Krishnav Singhania, Amrita Pugalia & Krisha Majeji, they are all sitting
there! How can it not be painful?
Arush - Oh right! That’s the entire band! The only one missing is Sagar Bhaiya who
I can see sitting where... he normally is... what do we do?

Saranya- Wait guys, hum hain na, listen to us first

Music

Palaksi: Adbhut adbhut adbhut. I know that this crazy performance touched all of
our hearts.
Chitrangda: Enigma 2.0 ne seriously expectations ko beat kardiya, yaar. I had
gotten scared listening to Arush and Veer's talk.

Palaksi: Tum bhi kiski baato par vishwas karleti ho.

Palaksi: You have been in this school for 15years, the hall, the field, the canteen,
the saraswati mandap, whether you believe it or not, it really has become our second
home. And the people you are sitting with in this hall, have been your companions
throughout.

Chitrandga: Aye bhai, rulao mat.. But whatever, whether you want to forget these
faces or remember them; in this next segment, let’s test your memory. Teachers ne
bola hai boards syllabus se questions poochne ke liye— so now we are going to do
picture study!

Palaksi: Sab dar gaye. Chill, picture study hai, but boards syllabus se nahi. Toh
now, we will see, how well do you know your Batchmates.

Guess the person game

Fashion Show

(Poo ka tune starts playing and Neeti walks in)

Praniti: Neeti, is that you?! Yeh kya hooliya banake rakha hai! We have to host a
show bhai

Neeti: Oh please you’re just jealous

(takes out a mirror and lipgloss)
Neeti: Tumhara itna khoobsurat hone ka, koi haq nahi banta! Not fairrr

Praniti: Aare bro, lipgloss chhupao!! Varna they'll take you to VP mam,s office
wapas. We still have a show to host you know

Neeti: Take a chill pill, look we're hosting a fashion show na, so I have to channel my
inner poo you know(smirks in poo style)

Praniti: Ha theeke theeke, Miss Fashionista. Ab aur nautanki karna hai ki host karle?

Neeti- Hmphhh whatever you're just jealous of my good looks, good looks, good
looks

Praniti- Ya ya sure sure. Now, please someone say Lights Camera Action so that we
can start the runway show.
Awards

(AWARDS INTRO)

(phone will ring, praniti will pick up)

Praniti: (on call) What! He's coming!?!

Neeti’s- Aare aare, who's coming?

Praniti- Aare bro you won't believe this, genuine. Jaldi stage khali karna hoga

Neeti- Ohhh, acha chaloo chaloo

(Kapil show intro music)

Kapil: Koffee with Kapil, aaj ki shaam hai shandaar, haina Arch- acha hai aaj thoda
sasta crowd hai, netflix se demotion ho gaya

Karan: Kapil this is my show, Go find Archana Ji on netflix

Kapil: Paaji, crowd sasta hai thoda budget kam tha

Karan: Tum bhi kaunsa original ho

{insert joke on 26 batch}

Kajol:

bad joke

Kapil: khair anyways, do you know ,gargi ma'am, VP ma'am? aaj is show pe bahut
special guests aaye hue

(enters Karan with dharma music playing in bg)

Karan: Welcome to Koffee with........... aee Kapil, what are you doing here ?? kya
hua kis kisko pyaar karu 2 ke flop hone ke baad netflix ne nikaal diya kya?

Kapil: *that typical roasted face of his* Ha theeke, bolllo. bollo jo bolna hai. Main bhi
chahta to bol sakta tha. That one movie you produced na….. Tu Sathrah main thirty
three ya kuch—

Karan: *interrupts* LETS get back to the show. So Welcome, my gorgeous darlings
of batch 26. Today, I, Karan Johar is going to be hosting the next segment of this
farewell.
*ddlj Or two much wala music plays*

Kapil- Ye kahi to suna hai… . ..

Kajol- Arre, KARAN? Mere show par what are you doing here?

Kapil- Aapka koi show bhi hai?

Namaste namaste namaste!

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Coffee with Kapil —
jahan coffee bhi hai, chai bhi, aur chai ke liye masala bhi.

(Audience cheers)

Kapil:
Aaj ka episode bahut special hai kyunki aaj mere paas guests nahi…
poora batch baitha hai.
Batch of 26 — taaliyan ho jaayein!

(Pause, looks around)

Kapil:
Waise ek baat sach sach batao —
tum log farewell ke liye aaye ho ya attendance lagwane?

(Laugh)

Kapil:
Aaj hum baatein karenge —
school ki, drama ki, assignments ki,
aur un cheezon ki jo “ma’am next time pakka” ke baad kabhi nahi hui.

(Dharma Productions music interrupts)

KARAN JOHAR ENTRY

(Karan Johar walks in with attitude.)

Karan:
Kapil… Kapil… Kapil…
Yeh kya chal raha hai?

Kapil:
Arre Karan Paaji! Aap yahan?

Karan:
Kapil, yeh mera show hai.
And I ask the awkward questions, Tu yahan kya kar raha hai?
Kapil:
Hotstar ne nikal diya toh yaha aa gaye?

Karan:
Shh that was one meeting, mein teri poll kholna start karu bete?

(Audience ooohs)

Karan:
ANYWAY.
Hello Batch of 26 — I’m Karan Johar,
and welcome to the most dramatic episode of Coffee With Kapil… that I am taking
over.

Kapil:
Arre bhai, aise thodi hota hai!

Karan:
Kapil, please.
This is a farewell.
Drama is compulsory.

KAJOL ENTRY (CHAOS PEAK)

(Too Much intro music plays, Kajol storms in.)

Kajol:
Excuse me?
Tum dono mere show pe kya kar rahe ho?

Kapil:
Aapka bhi show hai?

Kajol:
Chup.
Main bhi host hoon.
Aur aaj ke guests mere bhi hain.

Karan:
Kajol, sweetie, yeh thoda elite talk show hai—

Kajol:
Elite?
Tu batch 26 ko elite bol raha hai?

(Batch screams)
Kajol:
Inko toh main jaanti hoon.
Yeh woh log hain jo group project mein ek kaam karte hain
aur credit poora le jaate hain.

JOINT HOSTING DECISION

Kapil:
Okay okay, decide kar lete hain.

Karan:
Fine.
Aaj ka episode —
Coffee with Kapil, Produced by Karan, Interrupted by Kajol.

Kajol:
Deal.

Kapil:
Aur aaj ke guests koi random celebrities nahi hain.

Karan:
These are people jinhone school ka TRP badhaya hai.

Kajol:
Drama, talent, overconfidence — sab included.

🏆 TRANSITION TO AWARDS (AS TALK SHOW

GUESTS)
Kapil:
Toh chaliye bulaate hain aaj ke first guest.

Karan:
Inke baare mein bas itna kahenge —
yeh school aaye ya na aaye…

Kajol:
Inka presence sabko feel hota hai.
Karan- Kajol. Sweetie. Ye acche talk shows ki jagah hai. Zara mudkar waapas chali
jayo.

Kajol- I'm also a host. Main bhi tunlog ke level pat hu. Main toh kahi nahi ja rahi hu.

Kapil- Ok ok ok. Ab programme shuru kare?

Karan- So finally, for the final time, we, your hosts—

Kajol- Karan, Kapil and Kajol, welcome you to—

All three- THE AWARD CEREMONY FOR FAREWELL 26.

*applause”
Karan: So our first guest loooooooooves counting notes

Kapil: Achha….baniyaa

Karan: But no one knows why he is in science

Karan: He is very loyal

Kapil: hmm bharosnemand

Karan: He is very positive

Kapil: ohhhhhhhh sakaratmak

Karan: all in all he is a very sweet person with sweet words very sweet voice

Kapil: Aaha Madhur Vani, Calling on Stage the Dadaji of 26’….. Rachittt aa bhi
jaooo

Karan: Gargi Ma’am, could we please have you on stage to present the Award

Karan: Please give him a round of applause!

Kajol: Ha abhi next kya hai?

Karan: Kajol hold your horses… Agla guest thora Prince Charming h

Kajol: aayee aa Shahrukh!?

Karan: King of Bollywood nahi, but he is the King of ‘26

Kajol: Hai toh woh ekdum pookie, apne papa ka tiger

Karan: His aura can be seen by the badges he has on his blazer, which mog the rest
of y’all.

Karan: you know who you are, to aa bhi jao bhai

Karan- Veer Raghav Jaiswal!

Kajol: And To present this award, we would like to request Vice Principal ma’am to
come up on stage

Kapil- Woh nata wala veer?

Kajol: *laugh*

Karan: *gives him a look* Sure Kapil.

Karan: Our next guest has a different level of swag, she is the “maa” of drama, Poo
2.0.
Kajol: She is ottonto guni, and as her name translates, she is the literal embodiment
of intelligence and talent

Kapil: Presenting to you, Medha Chotopadhyay for the award of Aami Miss Calcutta
(Play the song in the background)

Kajol: Baishali Ma’am would you please do the honours

Karan: If Alia wasnt like my bachha, and Mahesh like my…..uh,—I was sure to cast
her for the roll of Rani

Kapil- (makes a bad joke)

Kajol- Bas, bangaye cool?

Kapil- Are sorryyy, mere saare jokes dead hogaye hai.

Kajol-Tumhari kya hi galti, hamara scriptwriter hi school chor ke jaa raha hai toh ab
SCRIPT kaun likhega??? Chatgeepeeeteeee???? (raucous laughter)

Kapil- Aap hi hamare OG scriptwriter hai, the TALLEST guy in the room. Brother is
always there, everywhere.

Kajol- Come on stage for your award, Mr. Count on Me!- Lakshyaa.

Kajol- Somani Maam can we please have you on stage to present the award

Kapil- Ab farewell hai, toh last baar apka help toh chahiye.

Kapil- Paaji, kajol kya aaplog ek kavita sunoge?

Karan- Kajol, before Kapil says a vahiyad poem pleasse shut him up.

Kajol- Par tum poem sunaoge kyu?

Kapil- Aree hamari agli guest toh har writing ke contest m dikhti h

Karan- Yes she’s literally the ‘literary’ genius.

Kapil- Toh kavita kuch……

(Karan drags Kapil off stage)

Kajol- Before they come back, lets give a huge round of applause for our next
awardee, Rhitasmitaa Bera….. Or should i say the Wordsmith-a

Kajol- Gitoshree Maam, we request to come and present the award to Rhitasmita.
Kapil: achha ab mei apni kavita sunau kya….

Karan: Now shooooo, you have had wayyyy to much trp, I am doing the next one.
You know it is this guy when he has had a full course meal and still says

Kapil: “Bhook lag rhi hai"

Karan: He is a munner… or should I say ‘The’ Munner

Kapil: And uski ek hi ishika….i mean ichaa hai ki Barca Classico jeet jaye

Karan: Toh Sec-‘Jain’ ho jaye? one final walk down the stage for an award?

Kajol: Big round of applause for Samyakkkkkk

Our MUN-tri of ‘26.

Karan: So without further ado, lets call Debosmita Maam on the stage to present the
award to one of her favs

Kajol- Now who is our next guest?

Karan- It's someone very special, she—

Kapil: Paaji, hamare next guest ko Shayari bahut pasand hai, that's why, to
introduce the next guest, main ek sher sunana chahta hu. Arz kiya hai—

Karan Kajol- Irshaad irshaad.

Kapil- Arz kiya hai,

Jinka andaaz hai maashaallah. *wah wah wah wah*

Jinka andaz hai maashaallah,

Har ek joke wallah wallah
Meethi jaise rasgulla,
Aane se girl up me machta hai halla

All together- Hamari comedian, hamari anjali, ham sabki dadimaa,

So everybody welcome to the stage- Lady Haha/Tanushree Pancharia!

Shayari, Drama, Sassy Maa, Law

Kapil: Karan in

Kajol: Karan, Rocky aur Raani ke baad se where have you disappeared?
Karan: Chill maaro Kajol, I’m sure everyone here wants Student of the Year 3, but I
need a lead actor for it you know.

Kajol: Dharma ko aur koi nepo baby nhi mila-

Kapil: Arreyy paaji, aapka multitalented hero toh yaha hi baitha hai.

Kajol: Student of the Year chahiye hi toh Athlete of the Year ko lelo, so simple

Kapil: Drumming bhi achhi kar leta hai. Aapki kisi movie mein nhi rha hai lekin naam
toh Ranveer Singh hi hai

Karan: Chalo, mera next movie star mil gya. How could I have forgotten, stage pe aa
bhi jaoo. Ladies and gentlemen, Ranveer Singh Chopra!

Ranveer: Running, Music/Drumming

Sukhjeet: Artist, Drawing, Shaivi
Ishika: Design, Mrs. MUN-tri

Karan: The next guy is like a wave of blue, calm, composed and always cool

Kapil: Par kabhi kabhi inke andar ki monjulika jaag jati hai.
Firr unke andar ki chetna unko daat deti hai aur woh shaant ho jate hai.

Kajol: Now, you have understood who you are.

Arnav Kheriaa for Caption Cool

Kapil: Bijoynanda Sir, could you please come up on stage to give this award.

Karan: Btw, if you ever need this guy, he is alwaysss there but…. In 12E

Kapil: Hum tiger ko toh bula liye the,ab sher ko bhi bula hi lete hai.

Kajol: But guys yeh sher jitna hi calm hai utna smart bhi h

Karan: When you think of Yukti house, he occupies the most space in your mind

Kapil: Yeh kya shaam mein nikalne wala sher hai? *laughs at his own joke*

Karan- *rolls eyes* Kapil, best comedian award is saal tumhe hi milega.

(utne der m Karan and Kapil go to Gargi maam)

Kapil: Gargi maam, aap hi batao next kaun

Gargi Ma’am: shamshera (Vyom)

Kajol: Sonali maam could you please come up to present the award to our next
awardee.

Karan:

[22/01/26, 7:00:52 AM] Palaksi Goel: Veer:

Ek legacy We gotta give credits where credits are due, and our seniors taught us a
lot like-

here’s how to survive school like Batch 26.

Aarush:

Rule number one — confidence hona chahiye, chahe answer galat kitna hi galat ho

Veer:

Rule two — To get out of work and never be bothered about it, understand the art of
saying “ma’am next time pakka.”

Aarush:

Rule three — sit in the front row voluntarily. So teachers think you are padhaku and
then you can do all the backbenchers stuff in the front bench because the teachers
full focus is in the back

Veer:

Rule four — the udhaari system. Aise toh sab richie rich hai yaha but agar paise na
ho and kaam nikalna hai, Say “udhaar mein add kardo”

Aarush:

And rule five —

Both:

Make memories so loud, teachers remember you forever.

[22/01/26, 7:01:33 AM] Palaksi Goel: Neeti:

Jokes apart…

Praniti:
This batch taught us that school isn’t just about marks.

Neeti:

It’s about people who make even the worst days bearable.

Praniti:

And today, watching you all sit there…

Neeti:

Feels unreal.

(Beat)

Praniti:

Okay bas. Enough emotions.

Warna Neeti royegi and mascara gir jayega.

Dekhiya agar bura laga toh please bhavnayo pe jayee shabdo pe nhi