Chapter 9
What is
conflict?
Conflict is from the Latin word conflictus which
means striking together with force. It occurs when
one's actions or beliefs are unacceptable to and,
are, hence resisted by the other (Forsyth, 1990).
Conflicts occur in dyads, groups or larger societal
structures.
Why do conflict
arise?
According to Wehr (1979), in the national or global
levels, they may be caused by:
• territorial disputes • search for statehood
• ethnic and religious animosities • trade and market competitions
• ideological and power struggles • and contests over economic
• social injustice resources, among others
Why do conflict
arise?
Within our immediate setting, conflicts may be
caused by:
• misunderstanding, misperception, and miscommunication
• difficult behaviors and unmet expectations
• incompatibility of ideas, opinions and beliefs, values, goals, and
interests
• distrust
• competition over material resources
• coercion
Why do conflict
arise?
Within our immediate setting, conflicts may be
caused by:
• defense of honor
• desire for revenge
• need for attention and appreciation
• intolerance
• a lack of empathy
• power struggles in group situations, among others
What Prevents Us from Resolving Our
Conflicts?
•Strong emotions such as fear, pride, anger and desire for revenge
•Indifference or apathy
•Feeling helpless or hopeless
•Lack of communication between disputants
•Provocations from sympathizers who "fan the fire"
•Problem-solving process seen as tedious and stressful
•Lack of courage to face the "enemy"
What Is Anger and Its
Effects?
• Anger is one of the more commonly
experienced emotions when parties are in
conflict.
What Is Anger and Its
Effects?
• Anger is not merely irritation or
disappointment but a combined feeling of
disappointment, anxiety and indignation
that signal our body to prepare for a fight.
What Is Anger and Its
Effects?
• Anger may also cause adverse effects on our
health. Anger sets off the surge of stress
hormones which can damage arteries and
heart mus-cles that lead to irregular
heartbeats.
How Do We Manage Our
Anger?
• Recognize that you are angry.
• Distance yourself from the situation.
• Release anger physically in indirect forms
• Relaxation Techniques
• Calm Your Mind
How Do We Manage Our
Anger?
• Therapeutic Techniques
• Spiritual Aids
• Social Support
• Redirect Energy.
• When applicable, turn your anger into humor.
• Cry it out.
How do we directly express our
anger?
• Describe the behavior that angers you
• Describe how you feel about the behavior
• Describe the reason for your feeling.
How do we deal with other people’s
• Allow [Link]?
Listen
• Do not counter-attack
• Stand in the shoe of the other. Help him/her to
calm down.
• Paraphrase/Clarify.
• Explain your situation.
• Look into options together.
What Are the Main Options in Dealing with
Conflicts?
In dealing with conflicts, there are two variables
that are normally considered by disputants.
One is the relationship with the adversary. The
other one is the importance of the issue at
hand.
Options people choose from, when they are
faced with conflicts:
1. "Move away" (FLIGHT). Avoid the situation
or withdraw. This option is normally chosen
when the issue is trivial or when the person in
conflict believes that s/he has no power to
change the situation.
Options people choose from, when they are
faced with conflicts:
2. "Move against" (FIGHT). Win the battle. This
option is taken when the issue is important, the
party thinks that s/he is right and is bent to
prove that, or s/he has the power to achieve
his/her goals.
Options people choose from, when they are
faced with conflicts:
3. "Give up or give in" (ACCOMMODATE).
This option is taken when goal is to preserve
harmony in the relationship. It is also taken
when the other party recognizes the validity of
the other's viewpoint.
Options people choose from, when they are
faced with conflicts:
4. "Give half" (COMPROMISE). Meet in the
middle. This option is reached when both
parties cannot get what they want fully and are
willing to give up part of their goals.
Options people choose from, when they are
faced with conflicts:
5. "Move towards" (FACE/COLLABORATE).
Dialogue or collaborate with your adversary.
This option is taken when both issue and
relationship are important to the parties; hence,
a mutually acceptable solution is sought.
What Are the Steps in the Collaborative
Problem-Solving Ap-proach?
- Many people find it stressful to dialogue with
an adversary and choose instead the path of
avoidance. Others are too angry and take the
path of aggression.
What Are the Steps in the Collaborative
Problem-Solving Ap-proach?
- If both issue and relationship are important to
the disputants, moving towards the adversary
or problem-solving is the ideal option. In the
next page are steps to a problem-solving
approach.
What are Some Tips to a Good Dialogue?
Dialoguing
Tips
1. Speak in a gentle, non-threatening manner.
2. Think carefully of what you are going to say.
3. Use the I-message.
4. Admit your own responsibility to the conflict. Such
will soften an otherwise positional stance.
5. Avoid using hazy statements and global words such
as "always" and "never". Be as specific as possible.
Dialoguing
Tips
6. Be willing to tell the other person his/her positive
attributes.
7. Show positive regard and respect.
8. Do not give in to the temptation of returning hurt
for hurt. As Gandhi had said, "an eye for an eye will
make the world blind." Instead, paraphrase, clarify
and explain your situation.
Dialoguing
Tips
9. Be tough on the problem, not on the person.
10. Don't take anything personally. Instead,
become aware of the wound the person has let out
in the open, be grateful that s/he helped uncover it,
and take responsibility in healing that wound.
Listening
Tips
1. Actively listen. Show that you are hearing his/her
point of view.
2. Listen with empathy and try to stand in the shoe
of the other.
3. Accept criticism of your ideas or behavior. This
does not mean rejection of you as a person.
4. Paraphrase and clarify when needed.
Collaborating
Tips
1. State your needs or interests, not your demands.
2. Deal with issues one at a time.
3. State repeatedly your positive intentions to solve
the problem.
4. Be solution-oriented. Prepare realistic proposals
for a solution. Look for solutions that are good
and fair to both sides.
What is
Mediation?
Ideally, two people with a conflict should be able to
resolve their problem through a face-to-face
dialogue. However, disputants sometimes find
themselves lacking in courage or skill to handle a
problem-solving process. This is where an impartial
third party can come in to help disputants reach an
agreement that is mutually beneficial and work-able.
What is Conflict
Transformation?
It involves changing the way parties look at
issues, behaviors, and people or groups.
Transformation must take place at both the
internal and structural levels. It emphasizes the
importance of building right relationships and
social structures.