321 GO

Hasan: aree le la laiyo ,

Everyone : haaiyo haaiyo , le la laiyo , haaiyo haaiyo ,le la
laiyo haaiyo haaiyo , le la laiyo haiyo haiyo , le la laiyo ,
haaiyo haaiyo , haaiyooooooooo

Jaha Chaar Yaar

Everyone: Jaha Chaar Yaar

Jaha Chaar Yaar Miljaye Vohi Raat ho Gulzaar
Jaha Chaar Yaar
Hasan : Yaar ek baat batao, Humaare desh me sabse zyaada
baraf kaha girti hai?
Bhumi : Kashmir Mai
Hasan : Galat ! Daru ke glass mai
(shows glass and always it keep in hand)
Everyone: ha ha ha ha ha
Hasan : Chal baraf daal, I Love on the Rocks
Soham (Drunked) : I love my Country! (showing respect) I
love my Country!!!(removes bottle from back pocket and
shows bottle) Ummaah!(kissing bottle)
Krish : Oye Desi chhod, ye dekh Vilayati (shows khamba), 8
PM!
Soham : 8 PM?
Krish : Haa 8 PM chalegi till 8 AM!!
Hasan : Aree 8 PM se yaad aya, humare PM ne aaj raat 8 PM
ko Ek(1) bohot zaruri ghoshna ki hai
Bhumi : Mujhe ek baat samajh nahi aati, humare PM
hamesha 8 PM ko hi kyu ghoshna karte hai.
Soham : Abe ullu!! Kyuki wo AM nahi PM hai
Everyone: ha ha ha ha ha
Hasan : Ye Dekho !! (shows phone in landscape mode)
Everyone : Ta tadada tadada tadada ta ta tada

Deepak (Modi) : Bhaiyo aur Beheno! hamare desh mai Aaj

raat 12 baje se 500 ke note radd kiye jaa rahe hai
Soham : Aila! Matlab firse(focus) de-destruction
Krish : Abe jaahil! Destruction nahi de-demonstration
Bhumi : Arey demonstration nahi Demonetization
Everyone : OHH(surprise)…..NOOO(sad)…
Hasan: ha ha ha ha ha! ullu banaya bada maza aya
Everyone: Hein?
Hasan: Arey yeh fake tha! Deepfake se banaya tha
Everyone: Ohh F…. (loud reaction)
Hasan: Ae!
Everyone: फ se Fake (compensation expression)
Hasan: Haan. Isiliye kehte hain dekhi dikhayi pe mat jao,
apni akal lagao
Everyone: Haaaa(Smile)

Tamasha Of Humanity (Introduction)

Shaurya: Vaise toh aap sab ab tak samajh hi gaye honge ki

yeh sab aapka dhyaan aakarshit karne ke liye tha
Everyone: Ha!!
Shaurya: Aur ab jab aapka dhyaan aakarshit ho hi gaya hai
to kyu na hum sab aapko India…
Everyone: Ae!
Shaurya: I mean Bharat ke bare me kuch bataye
Everyone: Haa!
Shaurya: Waise toh bharat ke baare me bachha bachha
bachha bachha bachhe ka bachha, bachhe ke bachhe ka
bachha, sab jante hai (Everyone squats lower with bacha and
looks at mehak)
Everyone: Bas!
Shaurya: Bus wale ka bachha bhi janta hain
Everyone: Bas matlab aage badh
Shaurya: OK!(Moves forward)
HAsan: Areee aage badh matlab aage bol
Everyone: Haan!
Shaurya: Ab sab kuch mein hi bolun? Kabse bol rahi hu, tu
bhi kuch bol, Bachhe ki jaan lega kya?
(Everyone forms a diagonal line while reacting to
sneh’s dialogue)
Hasan: Waise to india me kai sari problems hai, or itni sari
problems hum aapko itne Kam samay mai bata nahi payenge
.toh humari is problem ki vajah se aapko jo Problem hogi us
problem ke liye huuu(exhales)(nodes head and agrees)….
Everyone: Hume khed hai.. (smile and right-left-right head
movement)
HAsan: Haa( tired)
Krish: Waise to india ki sabse badi problem hai. Line (Blinks
an eye)
Everyone: AE!
Krish: Mera matlab hai bus ki line , train ki line , rashan ki
line , bhashan ki line , note ki line , vote ki line , pani ki line ,
pipe line , yaha tak toh isske ( lota ) liye bhi line ( everyone
running from to left on each line )
Everyone: Chhii (Hand Gesture)(weird faces)
Shaurya : Kya apko pata hai India ka sabse bada world
famous toilet kaha par hai?
Everyone: RAILWAY LINE!! (sit down in hagne ka position
with lota)
Everyone: CHEEN TAPAK DHAM DHAM! (yo-yo hand
gesture)
Soham(SRK): Aeee…Apni Kursi ki petiya baandh lijiye
kyunki mausam badalne wala hai…ummm (extend bum and
wiggle it more)
Everyone: Ummm…(Foul smell gesture and weird faces
while getting up

Bhoomi: Toh taiyaar ho jayiye hatho me leke popcorn,

caramel wala nai, dekhne ek tamasha (everyone forms a
circle facing inwards behind bhumi)
Everyone: TAMASHA OF (face outwards and smile)
HUMANITY (hands up)

It Happens Only In India Scene

Everyone : chaos of market , someone in phone , someone

selling vegetable ,etc etc
Rishav: paneye ,paneye ,paneye rupa ke underwear or
baniyaan paneye ,
Everyone : ayeeee
Krish: ee toh rupa kya panegi ?
Deepak: kuch bhi nahi
Everyone : ha ha ha ha ha

Krish : Yeh hai India!, yaha har kisika sar jhuka hua rahta
hai
Everyone : Aye!!
Krish : mera matlab hai mobile me
Everyone : Ha,jhukega nahi sala!!
Everyone : It happens only in India ! Ta na da na na ta

Shaurya : Meri maa meri shaddi ki baat kar rahe hai

Deepak: iss umarr mein
Shaurya : Aree meri shadi ki baat kar rahi hai
Deepak : Oh!
Shaurya : kya tumhe naukri milli?
Deepak : kyu Naukri nahi milegi toh chokri bhi nahi milegi?
Shaurya : nahi milegi
Deepak : kya?
Shaurya : aisa mai nahi meri maa kehti hai
Deepak : Tumari maa ki toh
Everyone : Ayee!!
Deepak : har baat nahi manni chaheye
Shaurya: haa
Deepak: Or kya karu kitne daftaro ke chakkar lagaye har
jagah apply apply no reply , ye degree ki toh koi value hi nahi
hai kabhi kabhi toh lagta hai ye degree ko toh
Everyone : aeee!!
Deepak: kabaad mai mera matlab hai kabad mai rakh du
Everyone : haa
Deepak: yaha under the table ya sifarish ke bina koi naukri
deta hi nahi hai
Bhumi : aye haay haay chal raju paisa nikal ( in chakka )
Deepak : Are paise hi toh nai hai! jeb mai phuti kodi nahi hai
ek kam kar tu hi dede mujhe paise
Bhumi : ( in offended ) ayee haay haay itni chikni choori sath
mai leke ghumta hai or bolta hai paise nahi hai , ye hai aaj
kal ke berozgaar naujavan , ja jake pakode taal , haaye haaye
lagegi tereko meri haaye
Hasan : ayee haay haay ,
Bhumi and hasan : hiii
Hasan : haaye shakila
Bhumi : bol jhamila
Hasan : bata kitni kamai hue teri aaj
Bhumi : ( in sad ) meri toh sirf doso or teri
Hasan : meri toh puri panch hazaar rupayee hue
Bhumi: panch hazaar
Hasan : koi na tu is dhandhe mai nai aayi hai na isleye , jab
tera bhi dhandha set ho jayega toh tu bhi kamayegi ek din ke
pure panch hazar rupayee
Hasan and Bhumi : hiii – fiiii
Deepak : aree sunaa tumne
Shaurya: kya
Deepak : ek din ke pure panch hazaar rupayee
Shaurya: matlab ?
Deepak : matlab naukri mil gai
Shaurya : chai pakode wali ?
Deepak: aree nahi
Everyone : taiyab aali pyar ka dushaman haaye haaye
Hasan , bhumi and Deepak : haaye
Shaurya : huh!!

Poor-e-stan

Everyone: jamal jamalek jamalu jamal kudu ( 3 claps )

Bhumi: sona reporting sir !!!
Saurya: mona reporting sir !!
Hasan: aaj ka kya program hai sir ?
Dhruv: pooristan se kafhi saare haathiyar aa chuke hai …
Everyone : wow( happy )
Dhruv: hame kai masjido ko todna hai
Everyone : dhadaam
Dhruv: hame kai mandiro ko udana hai
Everyone : dhodoom
Krish: sir sir sir par hum kiski taraf se hai sir ?
Dhruv: hum Rashtravadi nahi aatankvadi hai or aatankvad
ka koi dharam nahi hota hame karne hai puure desh mai
bomb blast .
Everyone : aaaaaaaa
Dhruv : huh ( in fear) aye kya hua ?
Everyone : bomb blast hu ana sir
Hasan: dhak dhak karne laga ( dhruv smaks hasan and says
“ ahm ahm ‘’ ) .
Hasan: maar dala allahh mar dala ( does mar dala step )
Dhruv: ha ha sabko marna dalna hai isse hamare desh mai
bahengi khun ki
Everyone : naadiya hi naadiya , naadiya hi naadiya , naadiya
hi naadiya
Deepak: par sir isme hamara kya faayeda hoga sirrr…??
Dhruv: isse hamare desh ke bharast neta humpe khush
honge or denge hame dheeer saara
Everyone : paisa hi paisa, paisa hi paisa , paisa hi paisa
Everyone : sir sir oo sir we love you
Dhruv: me too ( hugging 2 girls )
Deepak,hasan : we too
Everyone : huh?
 SCHOOL SCENE

Everyone : Chhota Bacha samajh ke humko naa samjhana re

Dubi dubi dab dab

Hasan: Ha toh bacho, yeh the humare desh ke mahan neta

(Pointing towards the board)
Bhumi(playfully): Ayy taklu
Everyone: Ha ha ha ha ha
HAsan(angry): Kon bola, kon bola
Everyone : suspense): shsshh !
Hasan(curious): Toh bacho tumko ko bhi bada hokar in logo
ki tarah hamare desh ka naam oor bada karna hai,
toh, batao tum bade hoke kya bana chahate
ho
Dhruv(playful): Sir sir mei bade hoke bada banunga
Hasan(angry) : itne bade toh ban gaye ho aur kitna bada
banoge,
Baith jao
Everyone : Ha ha ha ha ha
Dhruv: (cries) mummmmyyyy!!
Hasan : aye chup
Shaurya(playful and serious):Sir sir mei badi hoke
airhostress banungi
Everyone : (playful): whooooooo
Soham(mischievous):Sir sir agar ye airhostess banegi toh
mai bhi pilet banuga
Everyone : (mischievous): Aww!
HAsan(angry):aye chup Besharam
Rishav(playful):sir sir mei na bade hoke gangster banunga
Dhishkayu dhishkayu
Everyone : (shocked and scared): AAAAHHHHHHHH!
Hasan(shocked):Gangster kyu
Rishav(mischievous):Taki bollywood wale mere pe film bana
sake
Everyone : (excitement): Autograph please
HAsan(angry): aye chup
Bhumi(excitement): Sir sir
(Sneh smiles)
Mai na bade hoke influencer banungi
Hasan(shocked): Influencer kyu
Bhumi(excitment):phir mei famous ho jaungi, toh muje bhot
saare paise milege jo kabhi khatam nahi honge,toh free food,
free travel, free holidays, free kapde, sab kuch freeee
Krish(mischievous): areee lekin views aur followers badhane
ke liye influencer log kapde pahente kaha hai
Everyone : (laughter): Haha
Bhumi(shows determination): lekin mai toh phir bhi
influencer hi banugi
Shaurya(excitement): Mai bhi influencer banungi
Soham(excitement): mai bhi influencer banunga
Rishav(excitement): mai bhi influenecer banuga
Everyone : mai bhi mai bhi
Hasan: (angry) Ayy! Chup
(to Deepak)(concerned)Beta tum kyu chup ho tumhe
nahi banna influencer
Deepak(innocent): Sir sir mai na sabko follow karlunga
Everyone : (touched): Aww
Mujhe bhi mujhe bhi
Hasan: aye chup Bacho, kya tumhe bapuji ki kavita yaad
nahi hai?
Everyone : Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pale of water
God knows what they did up there
They came down with a daughter.
Hasan: areeee ye wale bapuji nahi
Soham: Toh kiske baapuji?
Hasan: Baapuji matlab hamare desh ke baapu. Father of the
nation.
Everyone : Ohh…
Shaurya: Masterji, aaj kal gandhigiri nahi dadagiri jyada
chalti hai.
Everyone : (Pushpa Style): hargiz Jhukega nahi saala
Hasan: aye Sharam karo
(Shaurya Blushes)
Hasan: Mera matlab hai ki sharam nahi aati? Wo hamare
father of the nation hai unki respect karni chahiye.
Bhumi: Masterji, ye toh Apne father ki respect nahi karti
father of the nation ki kya karengi
Everyone :(All Laugh) hahaha
Shaurya: kya kare masterji, aaj kal logo ko vote waale
baapuji me nahi note waale baapuji me jyada interest hai.
Everyone : Haa Meri jaaaannn
Hasan: Ae chup! Kitne batameez ho gaye ho tum log. Apne
parents, teachers or elders ki respect karna nahi jaante itni l
Itni kam umar me ye sab kaun sikha tum logo ne ?
Everyone : Social Media (All take out mobile phones)
Hasan (Shocked): Huh?
Everyone : Naa baap bada naa maiyya
Sabse bada rupaiya ( evreryone stands up )
Hasan: Huh?

Ab Tak Chappan Scene

Everyone: oh womaniya aha womaniya

Krish: ab tak chappan
Soham: waah sir waah, what a great achievement! ummm
Krish: Ayeeeee
Deepak: saab saab saaaab, aapse milne ek aurat aayi hai
Krish: aurat? Kya umar hai re uski?
Deepak: yahi kuch 16-17 saal
Krish: abey ghochu usee aurat nahi ladki kehte hai ladki
Jaa jaa lekar aa
Deepak: aye ladki aaja saab bula rahe hai
Deepak: saab saab saaaab aa rahi hai
Rishav, Dhruv : issh , dissh
Shaurya: saab saab saab molestation hua hai saab
Krish,Deepak,Soham : arey waah waah waah
Shaurya: saaaab ! Molestation hua hai
Krish,Deepak,Soham : ahem arey re
Shaurya: kuch kijiye
(Krish almost coming for her)
Shaurya: huh!! , report likhiye
Krish:,Deepak,Soham: Baby calm down, calm down.
Krish: haa toh madam bataiye kaha hua hai molestation
Deepak: rail ke dibbe mein
Soham: blue line bus mein
Krish: ya fir gandhiji ke putle ke
Krish,Deepak,Soham: neeche
Shaurya: nahi saab aapke police station ke piche
Krish,Deepak,Soham: Molestation behind police station?
(Krish,Deepak,Soham look over their shoulder)
Deepak: magar saab aap toh subah se yahin hai
Krish:: abey
Krish:: madam, aap ese chote chote kapde pehen ke aaogi
toh eve teasing, rape ,molestation nahi toh kya tumhara puja
hoega
Shaurya: saab molestation mera nahi meri dost ka hua hai
Krish:: haa toh tumhaare dost ne bhi tumhaare jaise chote
chote kapde pehene honge
Shaurya: nahi saab usne toh burkha pehena tha
Krish,Deepak,Soham: huh!

Bhoomi: crop top ho ya burkha hawas ki nazar se dekhne

wale uska cheerharan kar hi dete hai. Bura toh tab lagta hai
jab rape , eve teasing or molestation ke baad ladki ke
pehenawe pe sawal uthaya jaata hai.
Humare desh mein saree aur blouse ke beech ke 6 inch ke
gap ko sanskriti kehte hai aur crop top aur jeans ke beech ke
2 inch ke gap ko besharmi. Sochne wali baat hai. Haina!

DELHI SCENE
Everyone : Dekha jo tujhe yaar, dil mein baji guitar, tu safar
mera tuhi dhua mai shamil , tere bina guzara ee breath hai
mushkil umaaaahhhh( pause for 3 sec )
Bhumi: oh tommy you make me so breathless
Krish: no sweety its you who makes me breathless.
Bhumi : no tommy its you.
Krish: no sweety. You
Bhumi: you
Krish: you
Bhumi: you
Krish: ew.
Hasan: aye tommy sweety bandh karo apna you you
Shaurya: its not you nor you, it's something jo hum sabko
breathless kar raha hai
Everyone ( who are in dupatta ): ha!
Bhumi: woh kya?
Hasan: arey wahi jo aaj kal chal raha hai
Krish: Arey aaj kal toh fogg chal raha hai
Soham and Deepak: nahi aaj kal toh smog chal raha hai
Shaurya : ji haan. Pure desh me Delhi hi ek esa sheher hai
jahan log fresh air paane ke liye bahar se apne gharo mein
jaate hai. aye hawa aan de
Everyone : laughs : ha ha ha ha ,
hawa hawa aye hawa mujhko bacha le. Delhi ko bacha le.
Smog se bacha le.( forms 2 line )
Everyone : Iss seher ko yeh hua kya. Kahi aag hai toh kahi
dhua dhua. Kyu koi kuch nahi bolta .chup chap dhue ko kyu
hai jhelta
Gayi bardaash ki ab imtehaan
Mite kaale baadal aur delhi ka dhua
Delhi is injurious to health
Pollution is a big issue ( ends with 4 lines )

Hasan: Kyu maza aaya na tamasha dekh ke? Ha ha Maza

toh aana hi tha, free ka tamasha jo tha. Jab musibat kisi or ke
sar pe hoti hai, tab hum tamasha dekhte aur jab vahi musibat
hum par aati hai tab koi aur tamasha dekhta hai.

Shaurya: Maine suna hai jab jab iss dharti par zulm bade tab
tab iss dharti par koi maseeha zarur aaya hai.
Krish: Toh kya hamari madad karne ke liye firse koi maseeha
aayega?

Hasan: Haa! Aayega , jab jab is dharti pe zulm hue

Everyone : aatyachar hue tab tab iss dharti par ek masiha
ne janm liya,
Kabhi who matsay avatar leke aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Kabhi woh kurm avatar leke aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Kabhi woh varah avatar leke aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Kabhi who narshiva avatar leke aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Kabhi woh shree Krishna avatar leke aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Kabhi woh issa masiha ke rup mai aaye , ( aaaa , aaaa)
Toh kabhi woh Gautam budh banke aaye ( aaaa , aaaa,
aaaaaaaaa )

Everyone : toh kya hame in Samath samsayao se bachne

sachmai koi masiha aayega
Hasan : haa aayega

Dhruv and Deepak : kya sach mai aayega

Hasan: jee haa toh ab mai aapko us masihe se milane jaa

raha hu jo hamare desh ki samasth samasyao se aazadi
dilayega .

Everyone : tu zinda hai toh zindgi ki jeet pe yaakin kar , agar

kahi hai swarg toh utar la zamin par , tu zinda hai , jee haa aa
pho masiha .

Hasan: to bring the change be the change

Everyone : aap badloge desh badlega , jai hind .

Hasan: thankyou .