DigitalCampus

Emotional Intelligence
Module 4

Emotional Intelligence
 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Table of Contents

Table of Contents

Introduction ………………………………………………………………………………………….. 4
Required Readings ……………………………………………….……..…...…..………………….. 5

Outcomes and Completion Criteria …………………………………………….. 6

Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation…………………………..….…..….. 5
What is self-regulation………..…...…..…………………………………..……….……………….. 6

What are the core skills needed for self-regulation? …………………..……….…...….. 8

Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation……………………...….……....….. 11

What is the value of self-regulation?……….……………...………….….……………….….. 12

Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation………….………………..….... 15

How can you enhance self-regulation?………………………………………..…………….. 16

What is reframing, and how can you develop the ability to use this
technique?……………………………………………………………..………..…………………….. 18

Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management ..... 20

Why is self-regulation important for managers and leaders?………..……………….. 21

What is positive leadership and self-regulation?…………..………..……….…….….….. 23

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Introduction

Emotional Intelligence
- Module 4

Introduction

In Module 4, we explore the second core element of emotional intelligence: self-

regulation. In Module 3, we looked at the first core element, emotional self-
awareness. Self-awareness forms the foundation for the remaining elements of
emotional intelligence. We have learned how to develop a better level of emotional
self-awareness; now, we move on to managing and regulating our emotions. As you
work through this module, you will watch and listen to lectures, engage with videos,
articles, and information.

Required Readings

• Negative Leader, Positive Leader - Five Scenarios Show What Positive

Leadership REALLY Looks Like in Action (ADVISOR, c2021).

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Outcomes and Completion Criteria

Outcomes and Completion Criteria

In this module you'll learn to:

Describe the concept of self-regulation and the role and importance of effective self-
regulation in a management or leadership position.

The following topics will be covered:

• Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

• Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

• Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

• Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

This module, including all activities and assessments, should take approximately
5 and 7 hours to complete.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

In this topic you will be expected to:

Describe the concept of self-regulation, as well as the core elements required for
effective self-regulation.

The following key questions will be answered as you explore this topic:

• What is self-regulation?

• What are the core skills needed for self-regulation?

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

What is self-regulation

Self-regulation is the ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses, emotions, and

moods. It is the ability to manage and control ourselves and our emotions, thoughts,
and fears to ensure that we behave appropriately and effectively. It is important to
understand the difference between self-regulation and self-control. Self-control is
controlling or suppressing strong impulses and emotions and hiding our feelings.
Self-regulation involves reducing, managing, and redirecting strong impulses and
feelings.

If we continuously hide our emotions, it can lead to us “bottling up” our emotions, and
we eventually explode, resulting in our reacting very emotionally.

Self-regulation is not about inhibiting our emotions or hiding them, but about finding
different channels to express emotions, redirecting the emotions to release tension
or stress, and achieve a better result.

Self-regulation involves having an ongoing inner conversation with ourselves and

displaying our emotions appropriately. This does not mean that we will not
experience bad moods, emotional impulses, and frustrations as everyone does. It
means finding ways to manage these emotions effectively and channel the
frustration, stress, and energy in more positive ways.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

Behavioural self-regulation
Behavioural self-regulation is the ability to regulate one’s behaviour and actions in
reaction to a situation and do so appropriately and effectively. For example, when we
dread waking up and going to work, but still do. We remember the broad objectives
of why we go to work in the first place.

Emotional self-regulation
Involves controlling or managing our emotions; for example, when we are in a bad
mood, we need to manage ourselves out of this bad mood.

The video, Self-Regulation Skills: Why They Are Fundamental (Committee for
Children, 2016), introduces the concept of self-regulation.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

What are the core skills needed for self-regulation?

There are several skills that you must acquire and practise to be able to self-
regulate. We identified some of these skills earlier as foundational skills:

• Curiosity
• Active listening
• Reflection

• Communication

In addition to these, we also need the ability to:

• Manage our impulses

• Manage frustration and stress
• Use relaxation techniques
• Control assumptions
• Reframe our view of a situation

In the next lecture, we will explore the concept of self-regulation and the skills and
abilities needed for effective self-regulation.

Skills needed for self-regulation

We understand that self-regulation is the ability to manage our emotions effectively.

There are several core skills that we need to be able to do this. We start with the
core foundational skills: curiosity, listening, communication, and reflection.
Foundational skills are important because to self-regulate, we must manage our
emotions.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

We must manage frustration and anger. To do so, we must understand what other
people are doing and what caused a certain situation. We must listen to others
bringing us back to active listening: listening with all our senses. We must be curious,
asking ourselves why a person has behaved in a certain way, and consider their
view, and their perspective.

It's also reflection, where we review what happened in a certain situation, and
consider a better way to react. To control myself, I need to understand where others
are coming from; I must be curious about why I get so angry or sad about that. Why
does somebody else behave the way they do? I must listen to them and reflect. I
must communicate effectively and appropriately to ensure that I am getting the
message across. Self-regulation is not about hiding my emotions; it's about
understanding and managing them effectively.

In addition to the important core foundational skills, we must have impulse control.
As we all know, when we're upset or angry about something, there is an impulse to
react or say something without thinking. We must be able to control the impulse. This
is easier to say than to do. But if we are aware of, and understand our emotions, we
can say to ourselves, “I'm angry”.

If we are self-aware and know when we are angry, sad, or upset, impulse control is a
trigger in our mind that reminds us not to react and control the impulse to respond
negatively. The thinking brain is taking over and saying, wait, let's analyse first.

Another core skill is the ability to manage stress and frustration. We tend to over-
react when we are frustrated or stressed. When we are in a calm state, and
somebody does something that irritates us, it's an irritation. But when we are
stressed, worried, and frustrated, and somebody does the same thing, it becomes a
much bigger issue. A key element of self-regulation is understanding ourselves and
knowing when we are stressed, and learning how to control our reaction. If one does
have a challenge in terms of self-regulation, it is a very good idea to learn more
about stress management and tolerance, and anger or frustration management.

When self-regulating our reactions appropriately, we must be aware that we

sometimes make assumptions.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 1: Introduction to self-regulation

Sometimes when something happens, we assume it occurred because a person had

a negative intention, was not interested, or did something wrong. We might imagine
that someone treated us badly or disrespectfully because of who they are or what we
assumed to be true. We need to develop the ability to test our assumption, and make
sure we are correct before we react.

One of the key skills that we need for emotional intelligence, is the ability to reframe.
It is particularly important for self-regulation. It is the ability to take an issue or a
situation, which may be negative, stressful, unpleasant, or wrong, and be able to
reframe it and say, “Well, okay, not cool, maybe not what I wanted, but let's look at
this from a different perspective”. Let's see if there is a positive outcome that I can
generate from this. If there isn't a positive outcome, what can we learn from the
situation? We are redirecting the emotions and impulses.

In summary

• Self-regulation is the ability to manage and redirect disruptive emotions and

impulses.
• All the foundational skills discussed in Module 2 are important and valuable
for ensuring a good level of self-regulation.
• Additional skills required for self-regulation are impulse control, stress
management, and reframing.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

In this topic you will be expected to:

• Discuss the importance of self-regulation and describe effective self-regulation

indicators.

The following key questions will be answered as you explore this topic:

• What is the value of self-regulation?

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

What is the value of self-regulation?

Self-regulation allows an individual to cope effectively with situations and their

impulses. Some of the core benefits of self-regulation include:

• Trustworthiness and conscientiousness

• Adaptability and resilience
• Innovation
• Improved decision-making
• Effective communication
• Conflict resolution
• Improved problem-solving skills
• Improved time management

Managers who cannot regulate their emotions tend to show anger, frustration, and
impatience with their employees. This can result in emotional outbursts. While these
outbursts are sometimes understandable, they are not appropriate or effective for
energising, engaging, and motivating a team.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

Benefits of self-regulation
If we look at the value of self-regulation, we understand that it helps us relate to,
engage, and interact with people. If we have a good ability to self-regulate, in other
words, to manage our emotions, we can handle different situations or problem
situations far better. One of the more specific benefits is adaptability, so that when
things don't go the way we want them to go, we can handle it, adapt, and adjust.

A very important benefit for a manager or leader is trustworthiness. If a manager flies

off the handle and gets angry when things go wrong, other people get very nervous.
They wonder if they can trust and rely on their manager. If we can self-regulate, we
become more trustworthy, adaptable, and have greater agility.

People who've got good self-regulation can be more innovative. Because when
something goes wrong, they don't collapse and get upset because something's gone
wrong. They look for a way around it or come up with a different approach. There is
an element of creativity. Another key benefit of self-regulation is the ability to make
better decisions. Because we are controlling our emotions, we are making decisions
in a logical manner. This leads to effective problem-solving, which goes together with
decision making.

A further benefit and value of self-regulation is a better ability to communicate. If we

can regulate our emotions, we can interact more effectively, and communicate
logically and appropriately. When we are angry about something, we must find an
appropriate and effective way to communicate. A key issue linked to communication
and self-regulation is the ability to deal with conflict. We all find ourselves in conflict
situations: something upsets us, and we want to argue. But there's no value in that;
we must control, regulate, and manage. Using communication skills, agility,
adaptability, and problem-solving, we can find different routes and approaches to
deal with a conflict situation, and deal with it in a reasoned, logical, and effective
manner.

An additional benefit can be time management. Sometimes people who do not

regulate their emotions become emotional and find themselves getting involved in an
issue.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 2: Importance of self-regulation

I call it “burning energy on an issue”. Then they find they haven't got the time and
energy to deal with an important issue, resulting in late delivery. Self-regulation can
make us more effective in terms of our time management, delivery, and ability to
focus on the priorities.

In summary

• Self-regulation is valuable as it allows us to control and manage emotions,

and in a management role, it can help us deal with issues and problems
calmly.
• An approachable manager can motivate their teams, improve communication,
and resolve conflict more effectively.

A person with a good ability to self-regulate is an individual who does not merely
react to a situation, emotion or impulse, but can first understand the emotion and
impulse, think about it, behave, and react appropriately and effectively.

People who can self-regulate understand that the world is not perfect. They might
have clear plans and hopes for how an activity, process, or plan will pan out, but they
can deal with adversity, should plans not succeed. These people tend to analyse a
failed event or project thoughtfully. They reflect on what caused it, their emotions
related to that failure, and others' emotions associated with the project or failure.
People who can self-regulate their emotions can “roll with the punches” and deal with
change, uncertainty, and failure.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

In this topic you will be expected to:

• Describe the techniques that you can use to improve your ability to self-
regulate.

The following key questions will be answered as you explore this topic:

• How can you enhance self-regulation?

• What is reframing, and how can you develop the ability to use this technique?

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

How can you enhance self-regulation?

To enhance self-regulation, we need to understand our emotions and thus require

emotional self-awareness. Once awareness exists about what an individual may be
feeling, it is a matter of managing and dealing with the emotions effectively and
appropriately.

People who can self-regulate their emotions can do the following:

• Suspend judgement
• Seek information and understanding

• Listen effectively to others

• Lead constructively

Watch the video Checking the Facts (Benuto, 2018), which looks at the importance
of gaining clarity about a situation.

To improve our ability to self-regulate, we must develop a stronger link between our
emotional brain and our thinking brain. Here neuroplasticity plays a part. We must
develop our ability to work through issues, situations, and emotions, understand the
factors that led to these events, and then determine a more logical and appropriate
response. The ability to suspend judgement is very important.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

For example, something goes wrong in the workplace, and the manager becomes
angry. Rather than showing her anger, she suspends judgement and evaluates what
caused the situation. She holds back from reacting, moves on, and tries to determine
why the problem occurred and what led to it. She also exerts energy and time into
understanding people's emotions at the time of the event, and what led them to
behave as they did. She listens actively to the explanations of her employees. While
not merely accepting excuses, she tries to understand what led to the situation and
the employee’s thoughts, ideas, and emotions. This process allows her to modify her
original emotion of anger into concern. From this, she can generate alternative
actions rather than criticising her team. In this example, the manager manages her
emotions effectively and redirects her frustration into energy for improvement. Her
ability to control her frustration and not show her anger allows her to maintain a good
level of motivation and morale within her team. She redirects her energy into
identifying ways to correct the problem quickly to achieve the desired result.

Here are some strategies we can use when dealing with problematic situations or
events:

• Be aware of your emotion

• Consciously attend to breathing and relaxing
• Exercise self-control
• Suspend judgement
• Evaluate the circumstances, conditions, and emotions of others

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

• Listen actively
• Display empathy
• Look for alternative ways to react that are effective

Watch the video called Self-Regulation and Emotional Intelligence (Ferguson, 2012).

We noted the importance of managing stress when dealing with negative emotions.
When a person is highly stressed about an event or situation, emotional hijacking is
greater. The emotional brain forces the body to react without engaging the thinking
brain. The video emotional regulation technique for anxiety, panic, anger, depression
(schema therapy, 2016) provides valuable insights into effective breathing as a
stress management technique.

What is reframing, and how can you develop the ability to

use this technique?

Reframing is the ability to take a negative issue or event and redirect your view of
this event.

The ability to reframe a situation is a valuable skill that we must develop if we want to
manage our emotions more effectively. It is not merely trying to make a negative
event look positive; it involves looking for different ways to observe or view an event,
and different approaches for dealing with an event.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 3: How to enhance self-regulation

For example, an individual who receives critical feedback from a line manager can
view the feedback as negative and become angry, hurt, or depressed. Different
individuals may experience the same critical and negative feedback and, although
they might be angry, hurt, and depressed, they may consider the event from a
different perspective. They may see it as an opportunity to learn, improve, and find
different ways to complete tasks for a better result. In the following lecture video, we
discuss the importance of self-regulation and the approach needed to develop this
capability.

Reframing
We've touched on reframing before. It is a vitally important skill that we need to have
to ensure our self-regulation. Self-regulation, as we know, involves managing our
emotions. Reframing means that when something bad, horrible, unpleasant, or
negative happens, we can either immediately react to it, or look at it from a different
perspective. We are not trying to turn the negative into positive, but rather figure out
what we can learn from it. How can we change it? How can we get a better
outcome?

And I'll give you a nice simple example. There's a young woman that I mentor. Like
most young people, she loves taking photographs of what she's eating. She takes a
photograph of her meal. There is a beverage; we won't mention the name, and she
posts the picture, and someone contacts her saying, “Wow, I see you like that
beverage, don't you want to be a brand ambassador for us?” which is very exciting.
She needs the money because she is a student. She gets very excited, thinking
she’s going to be a brand ambassador. Then she realises they want a CV. She gets
hold of me for help. I sit down with her, and we spend some time creating the CV.

Unfortunately, as often happens, this guy was just trying to hit on her. It wasn't a
serious thing. He worked for the company, but he spent more time SMSing her and
contacting her to set up a date. When I sat with her again, she said that putting the
CV together was a waste of time. I agreed that it was very frustrating and
unpleasant, and she shouldn't have to go through that experience. I reminded her
that she still has a great CV, which we designed and wrote, and she could use it
elsewhere. It was not a great experience, but something decent came out of it. This
is an example of reframing.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and

management

In this topic you will be expected to:

• Discuss the relevance and importance of self-regulation for managers and

leaders.

The following key questions will be answered as you explore this topic:

• Why is self-regulation important for managers and leaders?

• What is positive leadership and self-regulation?

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

Why is self-regulation important for managers and leaders?

We have seen that self-regulation is valuable as it results in a person responding to

situations, often difficult or unpleasant, appropriately and effectively. For a manager,
this means suspending judgement, seeking information, and listening before
reacting.

In the following lecture, we spend time exploring the value of self-regulation for
managers.

Value of self-regulation for leaders and managers

Self-regulation is important for all of us, but it is essential for managers and leaders.
The manager needs self-awareness, and to be an effective manager or leader must
be able to regulate their emotions: self-regulation. It is so important for a manager
and a leader because they need to get results through others. They need engaged,
motivated, happy, and committed people. The manager needs to find ways to
energise the employees, understand what's happening, and control their emotions,
frustrations, stresses, and irritations. It is easy to say, but when a manager is under
pressure from customers, the boss, suppliers, and other stakeholders, it is difficult.
Stress and frustration levels increase, and there is a tendency to react too quickly,
sharply, or aggressively.

It is a critically important skill for managers because it allows them to behave in a

consistent manner.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

It allows them to be receptive to information, and manage it, even though inside they
may be upset and angry. The staff will perceive the manager as approachable. The
employee will be able to approach the manager with bad news, perhaps a missed
deadline, knowing the manager will not lose their cool.

The manager is trustworthy, and the employee can trust that they will behave and
respond appropriately. It's very important in terms of understanding people and
managing people to get the best results.

Later we will discuss positive leadership, which is the ability to get the best out of
people. It's the ability to focus on what people do right. Good self-regulation is
essential for positive leadership. An additional benefit for the manager is dealing with
adversity.

A manager makes plans, but things can still go wrong. Perhaps they don't hit the
numbers, or the customer is not as happy as they thought they are. Now the
manager is under pressure. There will be adversity and tough times. But the
manager cannot become emotional.

As managers, we must be able to deal with adversity. This requires the ability to self-
regulate when we realise, we are under pressure and frustrated.

If you have this ability to self-regulate, to redirect and refocus yourself, and are
working on something and not getting results, you must be able to change and
redirect and refocus.

Instead of spending energy on wondering why it's not working and feeling sorry for
yourself, you redirect the energy into something that will deliver results.

We can refocus ourselves and our team; we are agile, approachable, and
trustworthy, which leads to better results - the manager's core objective. If we can
energise ourselves and our team even when we are frustrated, sad, or angry, we can
focus on delivering results.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

In summary

• Create an environment of fairness and trust (this reduces company politics

and backstabbing)
• Deal with adversity, refocus themselves and their team and deliver results
quickly

• Enhance their integrity

• Show that they can be trusted
• Improve communication skills
• Heighten employee motivation and engagement

What is positive leadership and self-regulation?

Positive leadership is a style of leadership that focuses on what is done well. Positive
leaders attack the problem and focus on the future. Negative leaders attack the
person and focus on the past.

At the core of positive leadership is our tendency to gravitate to what is positive and
away from the negative. People like praise and will work to receive more praise.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

Cameron & Quinn (2011) state that Positive leadership is:

• The intentional creation of a positive climate

• An affirmative bias

Through these two elements, positive leaders can achieve disproportionally positive
results.

They also believe that leadership is a psychological state rather than a set of
leadership characteristics. A leader needs to “get themselves into” this state and
actively look for what people are doing correctly and not only focus on what is wrong.

Getting into this psychological state takes emotional intelligence, particularly the first
two core elements - self-awareness and self-regulation.

When managing a team and performance is below standard, the impulse may be to
criticise and blame. Positive leadership looks at what has been done well (while
understanding what was not well done) and getting teams to do more things well.
This requires self-regulation.

Watch the video Positive Leadership (Cameron, 2018).

In the following lecture, we explore the concept of positive leadership and the need
for self-regulation in more detail.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

Positive leadership

A further benefit and value of self-regulation is positive leadership. Positive

leadership is the intentional creation of a positive work environment. Positive
leadership is based on the concept of the heliotropic effect. When I lecture to people
face to face, I ask them what the heliotropic effect, and in years of lecturing, only one
person ever had the answer. The rest of us know exactly what it is, but we don't
know the word. In simple terms, the heliotropic effect is all living organisms' tendency
to turn to face the light.

The heliotropic effect is that we turn towards the positive and turn away from the
negative. That is positive leadership: the more I criticise, berate, or find fault with
someone, the more they will withdraw. They might try to improve, but they become
demoralised, and would rather run away and hide. Positive leadership does not
mean I ignore what they did wrong, but it means I focus on what they did right.

To be able to do this, you have got to be able to control your emotions. We have a
natural tendency or impulse to talk about what was done incorrectly, why they did it
wrong, and how they could have done so. What if we start with what they do right?
The more we focus on what people do right, the more they focus and turn towards
the positive. We will talk about this a lot in a late module. It is another reason why we
need to have the ability to self-regulate and to manage our emotions.

In summary

Positive leadership is an approach to leadership, where the focus is primarily on

what people do well. It is based on the heliotropic effect that states that all living
organisms move towards the positive and away from the negative.

Positive leadership is the intentional creation of a positive work climate or

environment, creating an affirmative bias. It is viewed as a psychological state rather
than a person who possesses several characteristics.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
Topic 4: Self-regulation in leadership and management

Therefore, leaders need to “get into” a state of looking for the positive, which requires
emotional intelligence and self-regulation.

In closing, please watch the video Self-Regulation in Leadership (Tayler, 2018). The
video is long, but provides a good summary of the module.

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 Module 4: Emotional Intelligence
End of Module

You have completed this module’s

learning!

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