OPENING THE DOOR
>What is it for you? Fear of intimacy, going to a new place, changing a career, making
friends, being interviewed, making a mistake, not finding your soulmate, being rejected,
being lied to, failure, fear of winning, being helpless, being vulnerable, aging, losing a loved
one, ending or starting a relationship?
The goal is to move from a place of pain, paralysis, and depression (feelings that often
accompany fear) to one of power, energy, and excitement.
“Whenthe student is ready, the teacher will appear.”
I unlearned the thinking that had been keeping me a prisoner of my own insecurities. I
began to see the world as a less threatening and more joyous place.
Because I started to see myself differently, I opened myself to the possibility of swimming in
unknown waters, which is why we start spotting opportunities we couldn't see before.
Why?
AT THE BOTTOM OF EVERY ONE OF YOUR FEARS IS SIMPLY THE FEAR THAT YOU
CAN’T HANDLE WHATEVER LIFE MAY BRING YOU.
If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to
fear?
The answer is: nothing!
I am belaboring the point because it is so critical. From this moment on, every time you feel
afraid, remind yourself that it is simply because you are not feeling good enough about
yourself.
Sometimes we have to remember how badass we are — look in the mirror and say and
believe, “We are the man,” and that we are in the exact situation we should be in.
Because confidence is earned, not born with - we don’t become confident by shouting
affirmations in the mirror, but by having undeniable proof that we are who we say we are.
If you know you can handle any situation, you can turn fear into excitement. By visualizing it
going great versus horribly, and seeing how you would adapt to it, you realize you’ll be fine
— and that gives you a sense of security and confidence in your ability to handle everything.
You become excited about the unknown. You know that stepping into it is always
uncomfortable at the beginning, so you just want to take that first step — you’re actually
excited and positively anxious — to act toward the fear. Because once you take that step,
you no longer fear it; it becomes part of your normality.
CAN’T YOU MAKE IT GO AWAY?
You don’t want the fear to go away; to live in a little comfortable pussy bubble; you
welcome it, you welcome growth! Here are some truths.
THE FEAR WILL NEVER GO AWAY AS LONG AS I CONTINUE TO GROW.
THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF THE FEAR OF DOING SOMETHING IS TO GO OUT
AND DO IT.
THE ONLY WAY TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF IS TO GO OUT... AND DO IT.
NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO EXPERIENCE FEAR WHENEVER I’M ON UNFAMILIAR
TERRITORY, BUT SO IS EVERYONE ELSE.
PUSHING THROUGH FEAR IS LESS FRIGHTENING THAN LIVING WITH THE
UNDERLYING FEAR THAT COMES FROM A FEELING OF HELPLESSNESS AND
REGRET.
IF EVERYBODY FEELS FEAR WHEN APPROACHING SOMETHING TOTALLY NEW IN
LIFE, YET SO MANY ARE OUT THERE “DOING IT” DESPITE THE FEAR, THEN WE
MUST CONCLUDE THAT FEAR IS NOT THE PROBLEM.
Power.
It’s the ability to get yourself to do what you want to do. If you do not own this kind of power,
you lose your sense of peace.
-
I can't - - - I won't
I should - - -I could
It's a problem - - -It's an opportunity
I'm never satisfied - - -I want to learn and grow
Life's a struggle - - -Life's an adventure
I hope - - - I know
IF - - - Next time
What will I do? - - - I know I can handle it
It's terrible - - - It's a learning experience
-
So take only those risks each day that build your sense of
self-worth. These are the risks that enhance your ability to deal
with your fears. EXPAND! EXPAND! EXPAND!
WETHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT… IT’S YOURS
THE TRUTH IS THAT YOU REALLY ARE IN CONTROL—IN TOTAL CONTROL.
List all the payoffs you get from staying stuck in some aspect of your life. What don’t you
have to face? What don’t you have to do? What comfort do you get? What image do you get
to hold onto? Be as honest with yourself as you possibly can.
Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you.
You’ll be waiting a long time.
Be aware of the many choices you have—in both actions and feelings—in any situation that
comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at
peace with yourself and others.
“Ships in harbor are safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.”—John Shedd
“The best way out is always through.”—Helen Keller
“I’m not a failure if I don’t make it... I’m a success because I tried.”—Unknown
“Considering how dangerous everything is, nothing is really very frightening!”—Gertrude
Stein
“Feel the fear... and do it anyway!”—Susan Jeffers
I RELAX KNOWING I CAN HANDLE IT ALL.
I STAND TALL AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY LIFE.
I SPREAD WARMTH AND LOVE EVERYWHERE I GO.
I LET GO AND I TRUST IT’S ALL HAPPENING PERFECTLY.
I PEACEFULLY ALLOW MY LIFE TO UNFOLD.
I AM CREATING A BEAUTIFUL LIFE. I AM EXCITED FOR TODAY.
I CAN FEEL THE ENERGY COURSING THROUGH MY BODY.
As daily pressures and doubts begin to seep in, simply give yourself a “fix” of positive
energy. Read this.
IT IS AMAZINGLY EMPOWERING TO HAVE THE SUPPORT OF A STRONG,
MOTIVATED, AND INSPIRATIONAL GROUP OF PEOPLE.
Life becomes more fun and less of a struggle when you don’t have to pioneer on your own.
There is a lightness about positive people. They have learned not to take themselves so
seriously, and they are a joy to be around.
“I CAN’T LOSE—REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME OF THE DECISION I MAKE. THE
WORLD IS A PLACE FOR OPPORTUNITY, AND I LOOK FORWARD TO THE
OPPORTUNITIES FOR LEARNING AND GROWING THAT EITHER PATHWAY GIVES ME.
I ALWAYS WIN, EVEN IF IT FEELS LIKE I LOST, I STILL WIN.”
Lighten up. We live in a world where most people take themselves and their decisions very
seriously. I have news for you. Nothing is that important. Honestly!
If, as a result of a decision you make, you lose some money, no problem—you learn to deal
with losing money. If you lose a lover, no problem—you find another one. If you choose to
divorce, no problem—you learn to handle living on your own. If you choose to marry, no
problem—you learn to handle a new kind of sharing.
We all create expectations of what we would like to happen after a decision is made. The
picture in our mind’s eye might have served a valuable function in helping to make a
decision. But once the decision is made, let the picture go.
Since you can’t control the future, the picture can create unhappiness if it’s not fulfilled.
Disappointment may make you miss the good that can come out of every situation in which
you find yourself. Don’t forget to look for that silver lining.
If you see the outcome of a decision as looking a certain way, you will increase the likelihood
of missing other opportunities. Yet the unexpected opportunities can create more value than
your original picture. If you are focused on “the way it’s supposed to be,” you might miss the
opportunity to enjoy the way it is or to have it be wonderful in a totally different way from
what you imagined.
Don’t protect, correct. It is most important to commit yourself to any decision you make and
give it all you’ve got. But if it doesn’t work out, change it!
Many of us are so invested in making the “right” decision that even if we find we don’t like
the path we have chosen, we hang in there for dear life. To my way of thinking, this is the
height of craziness. There is tremendous value in learning you don’t like something. Then it
is simply a matter of changing your path.
Yes, there are those who keep flitting from place to place, using “change it” as an excuse for
noncommitment. I’m not talking about that, and you’ll know the difference within yourself. If
you’ve truly committed yourself to something, given it everything you’ve got, and then
concluded that it is not for you—move on to something else.
IT DOESN’T REALLY MATTER.
Which restaurant to eat at tonight—it doesn’t really matter; which movie to see—it doesn’t
really matter. Each choice simply produces a different experience.
“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”
The experiences of camp life show that a man does have a choice of action. There were
enough examples, often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome,
irritability suppressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of
mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress.
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts
comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number,
but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken away from a man but one thing:
the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s way.
The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he
takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity—even in the most difficult
circumstances—to add a deeper meaning to his life.
Life begins at the edge of your comfort zone.
“Everything you’ve ever wanted is sitting on the other side of fear.”
“A coward dies a thousand deaths, the valiant only once.”
Fear points the way.
Better scarred than safe.
“Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by
the ones you did.”
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”
Leap of faith is the price of freedom.
“I have come a long way… and my journey is just starting.”
Life is happening to me. All the answers I need are within me. It is all happening perfectly.
There is nothing to fear.
I did this exercise for all the people in my life for whom I was holding any negativity, no
matter how great or how slight. One of the people was my ex-husband. When I was able to
reach the point in my visualization when I wished him only good, I phoned him and invited
him to lunch.