Argument for empathy or maybe give it a more edgy title about how hitler is not evil.

Why it is more logical and useful to avoid being judgmental of others and to exercise empathy in
our interactions. “There ain't no sin and there ain't no virtue. There's just
stuff people do.”

Chapter 1 – start with an example of a critical judgmental statement and

Arguments/chapters

Reasons why an empathic viewpoint is more reasonable – i.e. things people tend to be judgmental
about and why people do what they do.
– the people who act like jerks may need sympathy the most - they must have gone through a lot.
– this is what religions have been preaching for ages (cite sources)
– People can be judgmental of others based on moral reasons. I believe it makes sense to engage
them in debate, attempt to change things that we feel strongly about, or even throw them in jail
when they are being harmful to society, however at no point in the interaction is it logical or
helpful to judge them as 'evil', 'stupid', or 'bad'. Not helpful because this only makes things
worse and not logical for the following reasons: 1) morality is nothing more than our feeling –
there are no verifiable laws of morality (see my paper) therefore we cannot judge others. There
is no such thing as should, shouldnt, right, or wrong (notice I never use this language) 2)
Everything we do we do for a reason. That reason either has to do with nature or nurture. Any
one of us would have done the same thing with the same genetics and same environment. 3)
Studies have found differences in morality based on age, sex, personality type. To say that
another opinion is wrong is to say that being a 'jock' instead of a 'brain' is wrong. Appreciating
our differences can help our society flourish because it is these differences in opinion that cause
us to evaluate situations and promote growth.
– conduct surveys/studies to explain why people do things that others are judgmental about.
Safest way to go is to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
– Consult article on decision fatigue
– don't think you are better than anyone (in any value) - you just have more resources (cite guns,
germs, steel) This can mean that you are weak (ie ice age bringing about advancement of man,
dark ages renaissance)
– exclusion of groups once had survival value based on fear - we had to fear the tribe over the hill
so there is no judgement for people who feel the need to exclude, only a desire to show these
fears as groundless (find out who said this quote)
– people tend to have a focus on certain values (eduation/intellectualism, morality, fitness, career,
family, politics, etc) and then judge others for not having the same focus. “I can't believe they
could be so ignorant and ignore what is going on with this election! Don't they know their
future is at stake?!” or “How could they live like that? Their house was cluttered and there was
dust everywhere!” The problem is that but we can't all pay attention to and be great at
everything. People hold onto their personal focus/values dearly because otherwise their life's
work would have no meaning. Plus they are more likely to know more about the topic and why
it is a valuable pursuit so they judge others for not having the same understanding and being
just like them. What we all need to realize is that there is more than one way to accomplish a
goal, that there are many acceptable values. For example I am working hard to accomplish my
 goals and when I see my husband not working hard to accomplish the same goals I get
frustrated. What I don't realize is that he is working towards his own goals and has a different
set of values as to what is important in life and that neither one is better than the other.
Similarly, people can be judgmental of others based on work ethic – this can be explained by
understanding that effort is based on a will or a skill – either they don't know how to do what is
needed or they don't have a motivation to because they have different values.

Reasons why an empathic viewpoint is more helpful

– Everyone does what they do for a reason and we don't always know what that reason is.
Sometimes we assume the worst out of people as a defense mechanism - preparing to be harmed
in some way. However I've found that if you talk with these people you will find out that there
is a much more benign motivation that we were unaware of. But even if not assuming the best
out of people will bring out the best in people. (cite studies)
– thinking takes time so when we are confronted with severe stress we revert to using an older
more primitive part of our brain (see “Passage to intimacy” and video online). The best way to
respond to someone who is acting like a jerk is not to follow a knee jerk reaction of yelling back
at them but to respond with empathy which can calm them down enough so that they can have
time to think and respond to rational discussion. People who are act like jerks have probably
gone through a lot and have not had enough nurturing. They are the ones who need empathy
the most.
– Positive reinforcement leads to positive results. People who receive negative reinforcement –
being called names makes them believe they are 'bad'. When they believe they are a bad person
their behaviors reflect this belief. (cite studies/examples). Recognizing the good in people
inspires them to greatness “Whatever you believe you are, you're right”. So since insulting and
bashing people into more acceptable behavior doesn't work, and neither does talking about them
behind their back and not giving them an opportunity to change, we need to generate some
understanding and curiosity about why they are behaving that way in the first place. We can
use science/testing hypothesis or simply communication and then propose alternative ways of
doing things and come to a mutual understanding. The projects that work best are ones that
work with our natural inclinations instead of against them. (i.e. dieting does not work without a
change in paradigm about food - WANT to eat healthy instead of abusing yourself into it.)
– - Athene's theory of everything - mirror neurons cause the same parts of the brain to light up
when watching someone else do something as if we were doing it ourselves. We don't have an
'identity' we are just as much our neurons interacting with themselves as interacting with our
environment
instead of seeing ourselves as individuals we need to recognize that we are a "momentary
expression of an ever changing unity with no center.
empathy creates open mindedness, many other benefits to the human brain including lack of a
need for distraction/entertainment and greater constuctive behavior. Sociologists have
established that social phenomena/ideas such as obesity, emotions, smoking ripple through
society in the same way that electric signals of neurons are transferred when their activity is
synchronized. "We are a global network of neurochemical reactions. The self-amplifying cycle
of acceptance and acknowledgment, sustained by the daily choices in our interactions, is the
chain reaction that will ultimately define our collective ability to overcome imagined
differences and look at life in the grand scheme of things.' ideas synchronize with similar ideas
and if a sense of empathy were synchronized this could create a self-amplifying cycle of
acceptance and acknowledgment, moving from a primitive defensive state of mind to a more
understanding, creative, and constructive state of mind.
Solution:

I believe in the power of dialogue. Rather than judgmental thoughts and actions talk to people who
bother you with empathy. Sometimes it will work - you will understand them better and they will
understand you better. But even if it doesn't work and even if they are not open to dialogue they still
have a reason for everything that they do even if you don't know what it is, and keep in mind that while
that reason may me a selfish reason our inclination to assume the worst is a defense mechanism
whereas assuming the best out of people will bring out the best in people.

show appreciation, say thank you

why should I be understanding if everyone not reading this book wont be? Wont be fair/ competitive.
Set a positive example make them look like a fool (ie companies that went green made profitable
polluters look like jerks?? Turn the other cheek?? Also empathy helps people get along (explain why
people/businesses need each other)