Session 6

TRANSCRIPT Spiritual Healing Journey February 25, 2024

Table of Contents
Begin Centering Meditation............................................................................................................... 1

End Centering Meditation.................................................................................................................. 2

Trauma Encoded Language.............................................................................................................. 2

Agency of Healing................................................................................................................................ 4

Connecting to the Power of Life....................................................................................................... 5

Forgiveness is Owning........................................................................................................................ 5

Life Wants to Heal............................................................................................................................... 8

Reflecting on Pat McCabe Conversation....................................................................................... 9

Restoration........................................................................................................................................... 10

Writing Reflection............................................................................................................................... 11

Intimacy in Re-Owning..................................................................................................................... 12

Process #1............................................................................................................................................ 14

Reflecting on Live Process............................................................................................................... 19

Write in Question - Boundaries in Spirituality........................................................................... 20

Live Process #2................................................................................................................................... 23

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 Session 6
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Thomas: So this is our sixth session and we will catch up on a few points from session
five that I want to deepen a little bit. I think Pat McCabe last time gave us a very
beautiful download and a very beautiful session about her deep connection to
nature, the deep presence of elements and the omni beneficiary or beneficent
way of living or being. And so today we want to deepen a few aspects. So when
we talked about the colonial past, the collective trauma as a system, and then we
look into restoration.

Begin Centering Meditation

But before we do that, we will take a few moments again to center ourselves and
we can start again. Every one of us, where we saw before, we are coming from
all around the world, which means we are having all kinds of different time zones
present here right now, and we are coming from different activities. And you just
take a moment in order to arrive fully in this session, to take a moment and see
how you’re doing right now. Take a screenshot of your inner space.

And again, whatever you find in yourself can stay exactly the way it is, just infused
with more awareness. No matter if your body feels relaxed or tight or stressed or
open or whatever emotion or process is going on in you, we welcome it with a yes.
Yes, that’s how I feel. And the yes gives me access to deeper layers. Once I say
yes to the state that is, I can dive deeper. And then you can again ride the wave of
your exhalations. So every time you exhale, little bit slower, a bit longer so that it’s
still comfortable. And with the exhalation drop into your body sensations.

[00:05:00]

Notice where your body is warm, open. Maybe you feel some pulsing, streaming.
Maybe it feels pleasant in some parts of your body. And even if there is tension
or stress or restlessness, we let it be with us. Don’t suppress it, but we keep our
attention and a sense of home, warmth, openness, where it’s pleasant to be
in this body. And then again, as you connect to your body sensations, feel the
intimacy or the distance to the ground, the soil that carries you and the way you
let your body be carried by the soil underneath you. To feel a little bit deeper into
how you are, that living system, not only an individual, but also interdependent as
the ecosystem, as nature, as this planet.

And then take a moment to notice that which is aware of all the sensations, your
presencing. I feel my body on the ground. I’m aware that I feel my body and the
ground, and I notice that which is aware. I don’t think about it. I just notice directly
awareness of perception, awareness of information. Then also invite, as we did it

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already, my resources, spiritual resources that you’re coming with and into this life,
that you manifest as your agency, as your wisdom, as your awareness, as your
ethical alignment in this life. Let’s open that inner channel of learning, that we can
receive information from the so-called outside and we can receive information on
the inside as to become more and more not two channels of learning.

[00:10:00]

Gently bring your awareness into your heart. And from your hearts, just take
a moment to feel again so many people around the world sitting here with
you, tuning in with a wish to on the one hand, heal, integrate, restore, build an
updated world together with a lot of agency. And we can feel community, the
ecosystem of practice even if we can’t see each other.

End Centering Meditation

Slowly open your eyes and we will continue with our exploration and then have
another contemplation a bit later. They will also have again the live process
sessions so we can again, learn from the process itself, which I think is a very
powerful way of learning, and learning directly from what I often call the book of
life. When we tune in with each other and we begin to deeply resonate with each
other, we are building actually a very strong healing ecosystem.

We need that healing ecosystem for us to be able to deal with the more massive
wounds that we see all around the world. I believe the power of collective
healing ecosystems is the future technology, the consciousness technology that
is manifesting itself in different places around the world where we come together
to build environments of healing that accelerate our healing, but also help us to
unleash the collective intelligence that is inherent to these collective systems and
learn and in a way restore our societies from traumatizing societal ecosystems.

Trauma Encoded Language

Because every individual is living within an ecosystem that has a certain quality
or a certain effect. And in our work, also in the work of our NGO, The Pocket
Project, we look at, okay, we often start with traumatizing environments where
trauma is still happening on a regular basis. And then we become more trauma
informed, which means we begin to first of all learn and know about the effects
of trauma and begin to develop a certain awareness that makes us more trauma

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sensitive, which means we begin to live certain principles that are more trauma
aware and sensitive.

And then through changing our way of being with each other in a certain way
not just because we force ourselves or because we should be different. Should be
different, is often part of the language of separation, that we charge ourselves
for all the parts, all the things we can’t do. But actually to turn that into a
deeper process awareness, what I often call the grammar of the language of
transformation is reframing how trauma is encoded in the language.

[00:15:00]

I think we talked a bit about that. So one aspect how systemic trauma is
recreating itself is through the way we encoded it in language. So we fixated
certain aspects of trauma. Becoming aware of that means that we begin to
change the way we speak, but not because we shouldn’t say things, because we
become aware of what that actually means and is based on.

So when environments, this can be groups, this can be organizations, this can
be countries, change the quality, the amount of fragmentation that has been
created through trauma, and so the resourcing gets stronger, the embodiment
gets stronger, the awareness gets stronger. With every step, we upgrade from
traumatizing to trauma aware, trauma sensitive, eventually to trauma integrating,
which means we heal more trauma than we create.

And so the whole ecosystem becomes more and more healthy. And that again
is an interplay, an interdependence of individuals, but not just individuals, also
the ecosystems that these individuals are not only a part of but are. And I think
Pat last time, I like this term omni beneficent being. In my words, I would say the
more wisdom, wisdom meaning the more of the world can take place in us, which
means we don’t experience this as separate but as an integrated flow that we
could call relationships or relating, but that flow, that part of the world can flow
through me.

And so I won’t feel myself as separate from those aspects, but they’re integrated
in myself. So that creates flow. When we talk about collective trauma, we are
talking also about a design. The trauma is a design factor in the world that we
have been born into. So we came into this world and grew up within a world that
is partly designed by emergence and is partly designed by trauma. Trauma is
non-emergent, trauma are the structures in the society that can’t grow, that can’t
be updated. They’re repeating themselves all the time.

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And emergent structures, they grow, they update, with downloads, new updates.
And I think many of us know how it feels when you update your work or some
parts of yourself or how you are as a parent or how you are as a lover or a
husband or a wife in relationship and you update yourself so you’re willing to
learn to change, to grow, then it feels good. It’s not always comfortable the
process, but it feels good to feel I’m actually growing. Why? Because that’s an
inherent part that calls us. And as we are developing, we feel more synchronized
with the core that is calling us to heal.

Agency of Healing

And I think that’s an important aspect of healing because sometimes healing

becomes very personal in the sense of, oh, it’s my personal effort. And I think
we talked in the first session about it that, yes, there’s a lot I can do and give
and commit to and practice, and I have to because I have to change my inner
state. And at the same time, that’s only part of the story. The other part of the
story is the power of grace, the power of a blessing, the power how life ... like I’m
swimming in a movement already.

And that often we can’t feel. And the more we are dissociated from our spiritual
essence and the more we learn to hold ourselves because it wasn’t safe enough
to be held by life, first by our parents, by our ancestors, by life. When that’s not
safe, holding myself and controlling everything in my life becomes the thing I
need to do. And that’s also intelligent as a defense mechanism. And it kind of
feels sometimes cut off from the river, from the water, from the flow that any way
carries me.

[00:20:00]

If I can feel both my individual agency and that my individual agency is part
of a bigger movement, and that I can tap into the intelligence of that bigger
movement, something is moving anyway. I can’t make life move, but I can swim
in the river. The interplay between how I can feel through my body, when we
feel flow through our body, like before in the meditation, when we come down,
when we put more attention onto our inner world and we can feel how life flows
through us.

And for some people that opens up and some people have what some traditions
call Kundalini openings. So when the energy field opens up more strongly, then
people speak about very strong flow experiences. So we can literally feel through
our nervous system how life flows through us. And not to forget, we said in one

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of the first sessions, when we talk about life, we are talking about millions and
millions of years sitting here.

Connecting to the Power of Life

That’s amazing. Conception of the conception of the conception and conception

and conception and conception and conception. It’s a lineage of light, it’s a
lineage of sacredness, of life giving birth to itself over and over and over again.
And that’s the flow of spirit through us. And so sometimes just to meditate and
feel and say, okay, I can tune in with my ancestors’ conceptions, and then I feel
because it’s not so personal anymore, I’m embedded in this web.

That’s very powerful just to set the intention, I connect to the power of this
line or the tradition of life, of living that is pulsing in me too. And that is very
powerful because that says that my individual self is actually, as a metaphor,
it’s like a soap bubble within a much bigger stream of living. And so of course
there are things that happen in my life and they’re very personal and they’re very
important. And at the same time, what’s encoded here in this body and in all
that’s connected to it, is a lot of wisdom.

And sometimes when we feel hurt or when we are triggered in our pain, it feels
so isolated that we forget the magnificence of how much is actually encoded in us
and how much wisdom life had acquired already until today. I want to bring this
back into our awareness because sometimes the healing process can feel like as
if you need to run a marathon alone and opening it up again and again and say,
yes, there is grace. The principle of grace is the aspect of the divine power that
forgives. But forgiveness doesn’t work without owning.

Forgiveness is Owning

And that’s very important in the mystical understanding. We say unconscious

energy or disowned energy is destiny. What is destiny? It’s like there is no exit. As
long as it’s unconscious, it runs us. Otherwise if it were conscious, so we have a
choice. Consciousness comes with a choice. When it’s unconscious, the choice is
in the past. And so forgiveness is a process of owning. Owning. Yes. And it’s so
powerful when we all begin to look at first in our life and say, what are the things
that I can own more? What are the aspects of my life or actions I did or ways I
interacted with other people or things that I did in life that I can re-own more, say
yes, even if it’s uncomfortable? Yes.

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[00:25:00]

And even when we ... it’s not only things we did where we feel, oh, this was off,
this was kind of a transgression. This was too much. This was not okay, what I
did here. But also owning my own patterns, not I’m still dealing with this. Yes, this
is part of my life. There’s a certain amount of suffering in my life that is part of my
life. That’s right.

And the owning is very powerful. It needs a certain level of maturity because
otherwise owning is threatening, and we want to keep certain parts of our lives
externalized. So the principle of grace and the principle of blessing, they’re very
close. Because grace is in a way a divine blessing that comes into our life. Often
it comes into people’s life when there’s a real crisis. When something breaks
open, light appears. And there are many people that describe that had a health
crisis, a marriage crisis, a professional crisis, but in the moment it broke open,
also something new could emerge. That has been prevented for a long time. That
development couldn’t happen, so it needed to break through.

And so owning, and owning in a compassionate way, so to say yes, this is part of
my life. And this can be health issues. For many people, is I tried already so many
things to deal with this and it doesn’t help me. And this, yes, I’m walking that. I’m
walking that. Then there’s a certain maturity to yes, I’m walking that. When we talk
about collective restoration, that’s very important because that’s this individual, we
start that practice also with our individual experience. And then of course we can
expand that into our cultural experiences, like into our cultural fabrics.

And at the same time, it requires, as I said, a certain level of maturity that is part
of the evolution of my relationship to the divine, to spirit of the divine. Because
one aspect that I think in the spiritual healing and also in the spiritual trauma
that we need to look into is what is actually my relationship to spirit and how
mature is that or how young in the sense of young or regressive is my relationship
to spirit? And it’s not about judging it as it should be like this, or it should be like
that. It’s more about the language of transformation doesn’t say “It shouldn’t be
like that.”

It says, “Let’s be aware of that and see how it can grow, how it can move.”
Because if I judge it and push it away, I’ll never have access. But if I invite it into
my life, “Come, come...” I can say this in my meditation even, “Come, come. I’m
here. I’m available.” And then, I see how often... Because it’s very interesting that
the big wisdom traditions, the core teaching is the Tao that can be named is not

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the eternal Tao. So, in the moment you give it the name and the shape and the
form, you put something on top of it, you actually separate yourself from the Tao.

[00:30:00]

The divine has no face. Don’t create an image of God. But we ended up with the
white man with the beard, a judging God, a wrathful God, all kinds of images that
have been projected onto the true nature of the divine that has nothing to do with
them. It’s our internal, individual, or collective psychology that is creating those
projections. And that’s where a lot of either deep dependency or independence or
resistance comes into play. Either I’m very dependent that I’ll stay safe through
my spiritual practice, and it’s a constant negotiation that nothing happens to me.
Or it’s a resistance. No, I don’t need this. I am adolescent person. I’m independent.

But that’s different from a maturity that I own more and more the parts of
my life that need to be owned by life, because the nature of trauma is that
something needs to be excluded, something needs to be externalized. And with
it, we externalize ethics. And then, ethics become morals or laws, external laws,
because I can’t feel anymore the internal law. As long as I feel the flow of light,
conscious awareness, I feel the law, the Divine Law, the law of life. And that lives
in us as a spiritual practice, as right relationship. The power over hierarchies can
only happen with a certain amount of dissociation from the law, because in spirit,
nobody’s elevated.

We are here because of the right to be, the right to become and the right to
belong. But also, the commitment to support the right to be, to belong and
become in everybody. It’s also a responsibility. It’s not just, it’s my right, it’s also
my responsibility. And so, when we talk about restoration, we also talk about the
deeper understanding of grace. As I said before, that there is a bigger part of life
that is active in us. The Tao gives birth to everything, it nourishes everything, and
it takes everything back into itself. The immanence of the divine means that the
divine is creative and is active in and through our life.

And so, there is an [inaudible]. And the more I open myself through a good
spiritual practice, the more I open myself, I’ll feel it. I’ll feel it flowing through
me. And then, through the light, I feel more connected through everything. Light
is a way to describe light, but also conscious awareness, embodied conscious
awareness. When we do this as groups, the spiritual practice plus the healing
and integration practice, the re-owning of my suffering, my pain, my trauma,
and the re-owning of the transgressions, which is the shadow trauma of the
traumatization, create wholeness.

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Wholeness means we can upgrade the coherence of a group, an organization, a

society, a part of a society. And that creates more and more possibilities. That’s
not just a commitment to ourselves. That’s also a commitment to the future
generations because the future generations can land or download themselves
into a more open environment, into a more open ecosystem, into a higher
coherence level, which means it attracts more wisdom, it attracts more light, it
attracts more potential.

[00:35:00]

Life Wants to Heal

So, healing myself is not just a personal quest, although of course, when there’s
suffering, there’s a driver that I am looking for answers, I’m looking for a deeper
awareness, I’m looking for a deeper revelation. And like that, I become part of the
revelation. The revelation is anyway happening, and it’s like I’m signing up for it.
And then, life reveals itself more and more to me, and I begin to become aware of
a bigger radius of life. That is the context to my existence. And the more I reveal
the context to my existence, I become more whole as the uniqueness and the
universal nature at the same time. That’s very important.

I’m not anymore defining myself through the partiality or the partial aspects of
life. I become more whole as presence in a way. That journey, once we sign up
for that journey, we notice... And that’s a good question I think to take with us,
what actually cares? Something cares. There is care. Life wants to heal. When we
look at our inner experiences, patterns, our past, our trauma, when we support
each other, everybody who works with clients or patients, there’s something that
deeply cares, that life can heal itself. And so, the inquiry into something cares. Life
cares about itself. Life wants to heal. There is a self-healing mechanism in life,
and we are part of it. We are it.

Contemplating that which cares, that which heals, that which reveals itself, brings
us in touch with a very deep place. When I sit in meditation or in my inquiry,
however I inquire, some people inquire through journaling, some people inquire
through taking walks in nature, some people in sitting meditation, but to get in
touch with that which deeply cares. And it cares about maybe my own healing,
maybe it cares about the healing of other people, maybe it cares deeply... I care
deeply about what’s happening in our societies and our cultural healing process.
The different layers of care.

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But to ask yourself the question, that the care is not just the personal care. The
care is personal and beyond. And feeling into that, tuning in with the care I think
is very important to harvest resources, to touch deeper resourcing that can be
very beneficial for our individual and collective, our ancestral healing process.

Reflecting on Pat McCabe Conversation

We were talking about the self-healing mechanism, the collective self-healing

mechanism. And that of course, healing often starts with ourselves, but then
expands its radius of impact and is a way to heal our roots, and is a way to
receive the next generations in a world that is more open. And with more open
means, it can receive the potentiality of the next generation in a deeper way with
less interferences, which we call sometimes karma. So, that we can come in with
less interferences. So, we are also opening away. We are opening the future and
the future is not later, the future is more present here. We are more pregnant with
the future.

[00:40:00]

And that’s why I loved also what Pat brought to us last time because she spoke
very much to the part of our practice that is very much grounded in nature, which
is where the fertilization or the pregnancy happens. It’s an embodied process. It’s
a deeply embodied process. And I think she spoke to us beautifully. And we can
also see how that embodiment can be cut through trauma or colonial trauma or
racism. Hurts and cuts through and disconnects us often from the sense, not the
nature of the always nature, but the sense of nature through our body gets hurt.

And then, the sense of our roots, the sense of owning land, owning land, not just
external land, but internal land. That’s why we can’t be in peace on the land.
We need to heal it. Healing means, again, owning, restoring, being willing to go
through what it means to restore something like the discomfort we need to go
through in order to heal the land.

And in many places the land in us needs to be healed, so that the land that we
are living on can flourish and vice versa. So, there is inner land. Trauma hurts the
inner land. If it hurts our base, if it hurts our existence, then it hurts the inner land.
And then, we can’t live in right relationship with the land. We need to either live in
a strong cultural environment that has that practice built in or we will drift more
and more apart from nature in our experience.

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Restoration

So, restoration, and maybe we can use a little bit of time to see if in a short
guided meditation you want to maybe look ... We will reconnect to our bodies, and
that will guide us through a little bit of a journey of something doable that you
would love to restore or to re-own and to more respond to. Re-owing means more
responsibility. It’s not a duty, it’s the ability to respond. And this can be individual
things, this can be ancestral parts, this can be collective parts.

But let’s start with something that’s doable and look at, okay, how does restoration
work when I can bring it into my maturity? Or maybe even you want to do that
short exercise with something that you were trying to heal for a long time and you
felt it’s kind of stuck. So, maybe you do it with a part of yourself, or with a cultural
part, but usually, it’s easier to start with something in your life or a transgression
that you would love to re-own. And then, we can maybe, can make yourself a few
notes and take this as a practice and maybe do it with other content.

[00:45:00]

But first, let’s connect again to the reason why we are sitting here is because
something in us deeply cares, otherwise we wouldn’t spend the time and we
wouldn’t invest so much energy also into our entire path if there wasn’t a part
in all of us, if there wasn’t a part in you that cares. I want us to connect to how
that care, the care for life, for your life or life as humanity on this planet, how that
feels, the care. And that that care is usually connected to our soul, something
deep. And then, you can see once you reconnect to your inner world. So, through
the quality of care and through your body. And let’s see if there’s anything you
want to explore in terms of restoration.

And of course, for some of us, maybe it’s a spiritual restoration, how we turned
away from something painful that happened in a spiritual community, but maybe
also in the legacy of spiritual or religious living, a lot of pain also happened
there. Or you take some more personal part or you take your practice with a
transgression, something you said to somebody, something you did that caused
some pain.

And whatever you choose, you let it come deeper into your heart first, into your
inner living room and say, “I’m here. I’m here. Come closer. Come to me.” And to
notice how your physical body, whenever you set the intention, you think of a part
yourself and then you feel how your physical body changes and pay attention to
the subtleties, how your emotion changes. How is the relationship to that aspect?

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Is the relationship distant? Is the relationship close? Is that part of you close to
you a bit internally distant? And you let everything be the way it is, but you bring
more awareness into this inner constellation.

[00:50:00]

Then, to see what’s the relationship when you say to this part of your life, “Come
to me,” what happens? And I begin to say, yes, there’s something excluded and
I begin to include the exclusion. Not to say I shouldn’t exclude something or I
don’t even know what I exclude. I say, “I’m here and I include whatever has been
excluded, even if I don’t know what that is.” Sometimes we know and sometimes
we don’t know. So, we include the fact that whatever we are looking at has at
least partly an unconscious dimension, and I include that. I bow down to the fact
that I don’t fully see something here. I don’t fully feel it, and that’s okay.

I’m here to learn. And if you’re looking at the transgression aspect and see how
much you allow yourself to first just feel the situation, see also the judgments that
immediately come up, and let the situation come closer. Notice body sensations
that come up, emotional qualities, including numbness. Sometimes we feel numb
at a certain stage, that we feel that we don’t feel, and we include that. Maybe
you can include a mental framing, how you think about this aspect of yourself,
or aspect you’re working with. And again, the quality of relationship, the inner
distance, the inner closeness.

Writing Reflection

And if it’s distant, let it be distant, but consciously, conscious distance.

[00:55:00]

Then slowly, if you want to open your eyes, if you have something to write, take
something to write and just first of all, write down how you feel now and then let
it write for a few minutes. Anything that is present in you right now or pops into
your mind when you start writing. But we start with describing with words your
inner state, and don’t try to interpret it too much. So, just write it down how I feel.
“My body’s open. My body’s a bit tight. Feel stressed, relaxed. I feel distant. I feel
close. Something opened up and that’s what showed up,” and just let it write.

Two more aspects you can include as you write. One is whatever the topic you
chose, notice its degree of isolation or its degree of porousness. How much is the
communication with life around you, either people, nature, spirit, or how much is
it isolated? Like a bit in a isolated compartment in your experience? And if it is, let

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it be, but let it be consciously so, that we become aware of a bit of the context of
what we are looking at, the context to it. Often, in the contraction itself, it feels
more tight or isolated, when in fact there’s always a context. And if you’re looking
at the transgression on your end, then also look at what’s the next step, if there
is a next step needed to restore, what’s the next step? Maybe not what’s the
solution, but what’s the next step?

If there was any learning through this process, maybe you can write one sentence
of anything you learned just now. If there’s no learning, let it. And if you either
became aware of something or you learned something, just write it down for
yourself in one sentence. And maybe before we go into the life process work, if
you want to write an insight, either three words, a sentence or two in the chat,
that we can get a little bit of a collective learning.

If there was anything you learned, you don’t need to produce anything, but if
there’s something, learning happened, then also, as a mirror write about, “I was
shocked about how distant or how much I kept far away. I kept those difficulties
far away.” Distancing is a very important process to become aware of and not
judge and not try to not have, but to have it consciously.

[01:00:00]

Intimacy in Re-Owning

I’m becoming aware that parts of my body, parts of my emotions, parts of my

difficulties, I distance myself from, so they feel a bit far away and kind of frozen in
the eyes, and there they can’t move. And if I become aware of the distancing and
I don’t judge it as, “Oh, I shouldn’t be distancing.” No, I’m consciously distancing
now. And that’s what helps me to re-own the distancing process, to really feel it
and to say yes. That’s what helped me so far.

When I re-own a defense, I get its blessing and can go deeper. If I disown the
defense, it feels like a wall. If I own the defense, say, “Yes, that’s what I needed,
or need to deal with something painful, that’s okay.” And in that moment I get the
blessing of that part. I get access to the part of my nervous system where that’s
happening. So, it becomes a conscious process, and that injects a choice, future.
Suddenly, something that was stagnant for a long time can turn into a movement.
And that’s beautiful. That’s very powerful. But that’s intimacy. I’m intimate with
the distancing.

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 Session 6
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That’s beautiful. I’m intimate with the distancing. I’m intimate with the paradox
in my life. I’m intimate with an inner conflict I have. I’m intimate with something
that seems like it’s not moving. I’m intimate with my inner numbness or with my
inner absence. Yes. And that leads us also to, I’m intimate more and more with the
depth of my being. There’s intimacy with the divine. There’s intimacy with spirit.
There’s intimacy with the Tao, whatever name we give it. This is the deepest
intimacy there is. So, it’s actually a practice of intimacy, becoming more intimate
with those parts of ourselves and also with the deeper transpersonal nature.

That’s beautiful. And there’s so many beautiful sentences or sentences that speak
to that. Thank you for all the interest. We can all learn. Everybody can read a
few learnings, but we can participate in insight and learning. So then I have my
own learning, but I participate also in yours. And not only do I become a witness
of your learning, which means it gets confirmed, but it’s also, I learned from the
transmission of your insight, so we are sitting in a certain quality together. And
maybe the last thing, and then we do some life process work, so that afterwards
we have still some time for Q&A.

[01:05:00]

I want to underline for a moment that in the distancing part, that for many of us,
having been born into an ecosystem, a family system, a cultural ecosystem, an
environment, and growing up in that environment means everything that happens
in us is also encoding the state of the environment. So, it means that the trauma
in the nervous system has a coded information of the environment inside. So, the
ecosystem is entangled with the trauma. And in the trauma healing, we opened it
up so that the defense is never just personal, it’s always eco-systemically relevant.

And the defense has an eco-systemic impact today. Our patterns have an impact
on our environment, and we create with our own patterns, patterns with other
people. So, it’s not only eco-systemically ... it originated eco-systemically, it
also affects the ecosystem. It has a design element in the ecosystem. Our inner
patterns have design elements in the way how we create companies, for example,
organizations. So, it’s never just me.

And creating an environment, an ecosystem that is healing helps every individual

in it to flourish more, but also become aware of more. And so, distancing is a very
important defense mechanism. It’s like I can turn down the volume by pulling
away from the experience. But if you look at our world, and if billions of people
carry some aspects of distancing inside, and we can ask, “Is the world in which
we live really that far apart and that big? Or is some of it also the effect of billions
of times of distancing, where data cannot flow the way it can flow?”

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So, that’s why the exploration that starts with us and then creates bigger and
bigger circles, either into our ancestry or cultural sphere, our spirit, the future
generations, the intimacy, and the intimacy with the distancing brings our world
really closer, as a kind of global intimacy. But we often don’t feel it because of
how we are carrying that hurt inside. But that’s an interesting question to ask.
What’s the societal effect of distancing? What are all the different effects of it?

But that’s good to maybe contemplate and work with. So, we will transition
slowly and again, when we do our live process work and set this, every time
somebody coming on, [Participant] today will come on and share something with
us, which is deeply generous. And all of us building a presencing space. And I
feel you, and I feel you in your process means that I can learn from your process
something about my own.

Some processes, of course have more resonance than others, but holding a space
means we become a collective witness for everybody who comes on live. So, we
can practice that a bit, this, I feel you and I feel you in your process, and that we
can all learn, how does this impact my body? What shows up in my inner world
as I listen to you?

And to allow everything that happens, but not necessarily immediately try to
understand what it means. So, sometimes I get tired. I don’t need to immediately
know why. Sometimes I’m wide awake, sometimes I feel anger come up.
Sometimes I feel fear, sometimes I’m very much there. And that everything that
comes up is information. I don’t need to kill it immediately with a knowing. I can
let the information breathe first and then see what I learned. And so, we can all
do that if we want. And [Participant], thank you so much for being here.

[01:10:00]

Process #1

Participant 1: Thank you for having me, Thomas.

Thomas: Yes. I’m happy you’re here. Maybe you want to share with us a little bit what
seems important for you, and why did you want to come on? So we can all get a
bit of the context and then we’ll see where it takes us.

Participant 1: Thank you for this opportunity and thank you for everyone. What I wanted to
hopefully work on today is that I was born in Iran, and as a child I had to discern,
who is safe to tell the truth to, and who is not safe, and I have to make up a lie?
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And that could be my teachers in kindergarten or school, or my friends, who I

was sitting next to. For example, if my friend in first grade would ask me, “Hey,
have you seen this Disney cartoon?” I had to discern, should I tell her that I have,
or should I pretend that we do not own a VHS? Because if somebody find out we
own a VHS, my father could get in trouble and my family could get in trouble. So
what would be the answer?

Who is safe and is not safe? And that is just a small example. And that goes on
and on and on with everything. “Does your mother prays at home?” Well, should
I say yes or should I say no? Can I be safe if this person that is my friend is going
to tell somebody else that can get my family in trouble? That discernment and
the facade, and the two different personality or three different or five different
personality I had to keep at a young age created such a confusing circumstance
for me.

Thomas: Exactly. And when you say it created a confusing circumstance or a confusion in
me, maybe we can for a moment, let that confusion be here, if you feel it when
you speak about it. Let’s see if it’s present as you speak about it, if you can
connect to the confusion or whatever else shows up when you speak about, can
I trust who is safe? What can I say? Can I be honest about the spiritual practice?
How does that feel inside when you tune in with yourself, as you speak about it,
what shows up in you?

Participant 1: The confusion comes also with shock. Betrayal. Shock and betrayal around it.
And I feel small.

Thomas: Allow yourself to feel small for a moment. Small also means, I feel young. And that
you allow yourself to feel young and a bit frozen. Right, right. And together we’ll
make some space for the frozen. Right, right, good. For this frozenness. That’s very
good. Do you still feel as frozen as before, or did something shift in you?

[01:15:00]

Participant 1: Yes, I shift ... shift, and more expanded.

Thomas: Exactly. Right. Something could expand and then let’s feel the expansion and see
how it unfolds, if something opened up, and now it’s moving. So, what’s present in
you now?

Participant 1: It was beautiful when I allowed it to move and create a space and help me grow,
and don’t be small.

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Thomas: So, you feel also that the feeling of being small changed too. So the frozenness
changed and the smallness changed. Is that true?

Participant 1: Yes. Like with one of those sponges that you put water, and make it...

Thomas: Right, right.

Participant 1: That’s what it felt inside. For a moment.

Thomas: And tell me a little bit about your compass of trust. Anything that comes up when
I say compass of trust.

Participant 1: My compass is not working well, because I realized after the fact even that I
feel that, “Oh no, no, this is correct.” I feel that I trust where it was obvious that
it wasn’t time to trust, and then I become overly protective and not trust. So, I’m
always dancing between that without having the knowingness. So, it has been a
repetition that I make the choice of trusting where trusting wasn’t the best choice.

Thomas: Right, right.

Participant 1: Adult life.

Thomas: And let’s see. Is it okay to go one step deeper?

Participant 1: Yeah. Please.

Thomas: When you say, “Okay, I make more space for the fact that sometimes my trust, my
compass needle seems not to be calibrated, and I trust sometimes where it wasn’t
good for me. And then I’m overprotective.” And we let that step forward, this
confusion around trust that we invite that forward. Instead of saying, “Okay, how
can I trust the right thing?” We say, “Can I allow my confusion around trust that
it’s not fully clear to me? Can I let this come forward?”

As if you bring that burdens on your stage instead of backstage, you bring it
on stage and say, “Okay, come. I want to come closer to my confusion around
trust. And I take it seriously. As a child in my environment, I couldn’t calibrate my
compass well.” Right. Very good. And we let also maybe the effort that was there,
that you really tried to get it right, that you really tried to do the right thing. If
there was effort for you as a girl, then let’s have that too. “I really tried hard not to

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 Session 6
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make a mistake, and I bring that into the space.” Tell me what you feel when you
tune in with it. How does this show up in your body and your emotions?

[01:20:00]

Participant 1: The fear of punishment if I don’t make the right choice. That’s the punishment
that will come with even doing my best.

Thomas: And do you feel we can let that fear, that you can soften a bit and say to this fear,
“Come”? And we can feel that fear together? You can feel it. I can feel it. Yeah.
That’s very good. All right. What’s happening for you? How does that feel?

Participant 1: It was hard. And then it just, when you said, “Can we feel this fear together?” It
felt good, and I felt a little bit more not alone and able to soften it and accept it.

Thomas: Right. And I think that that quality of, when you’re afraid, because some of us
share with you this, and I’m sure there are many other people that know a similar
principle, that there’s some kind of fear to get it wrong, that we do the wrong
thing. Because when I feel you as a girl, I can feel also the effort you made to
really get it right, to do the right thing.

There’s something that you really try, and when you feel somebody can feel your
fear with you, that you’re not alone with the fear of punishment, that it becomes a
mutual space. The fear can become that you can feel it, I can feel it, and we meet
in the fear, that the fear becomes the meeting ground. And so, when your nervous
system gets, “Oh, actually today I feel, felt, where sometimes I really felt alone,
that I didn’t know what to do because I was alone.”

And that can help your system to melt some of the fear and relax deeper into your
base. And then your intuition can be, again, more free to tell you more clearly,
“Oh, what am I feeling here?” And connected with your mind, your heart, your
body awareness, that they’re all working together again. But if there’s fear, then
sometimes that doesn’t fully line up. When we look at this together, that you feel
the fear, I feel the fear and there’s a mutual space, how does that feel for you? Is
that something you perceive?

[01:25:00]

Participant 1: Oh, yes. It’s comforting, cared for. In my healing process, I’m not alone.

Thomas: Right. Yeah. And that feeling is great, right? Where you feel, “Oh, I’m not alone.”
This is very healing. It’s a great place.

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Participant 1: Very helpful for me to know that I’m not alone.

Thomas: Right. How do you feel overall? What’s your body saying now? You feel good in
your body?

Participant 1: Yes. I feel relaxed. I feel lighter. I felt like a grownup held my hand to take me
there and see it and say, “It’s not scary.” And oh, it’s not. Oh, good.

Thomas: Yeah. I also felt it in the moment your nervous system noticed that there’s a
togetherness, something could relax. And that’s, I think very healing. That’s a
great space for you. Is there anything about that that is still open for you, or do
you feel it’s good as of now or would you like to add something?

Participant 1: Nothing comes up at the moment. It was a big one for me, so.

Nothing comes up. I feel energy flowing, a tingling here. So it feels like it’s a lot of
work is being done right now.

Thomas: Yeah, it feels to me the same. And I think you made two steps of opening
and maybe it’s good. If nothing shows up more, let’s trust it. And there is
also somebody in the background if you want to sit a bit with somebody for
integration, you can choose whatever feels good.

Participant 1: Thank you very much Thomas.

Thomas: And thank you so much for also your openness and to share your [inaudible] so
vulnerably. I think it’s a great gift for all of us to be able to learn from you in that
moment. And also, I think that the trying very hard and the fear of doing the
wrong thing. I mean there was a specific context for you obviously, but I think
a similar part: Can I trust? Can I not trust? And then sometimes we trust in the
wrong places and we get hurt. That’s I think a question for people for many more
here in the room, I’m sure.

And also to see, okay, it’s not about trying harder to get it right. It’s actually about
giving it space and see the fear that’s underneath exactly how you did it. I’m sure
other people can relate to and resonate with what you just shared with us. And
you shared it through your nervous system. And I believe that’s actually the best
way of learning, is to see it in the live process. So thank you for that. That’s very
generous of you.

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 Session 6
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Participant 1: Thomas, thanks everyone.

Reflecting on Live Process

Thomas: Let’s just take a moment and see what [Participant] shared with us right
now, what you feel in your own resonance, what you feel in your body, in your
emotions. Maybe that also ... resonates with your own sense of trust, with your
own sense, can I be honest? Maybe many of us as children felt, can I say the truth
here? Can I not say the truth? Is it safe? And how we create an inner attention
that is respectful of the struggle we had.

[01:30:00]

And I’m not trying to fix the struggle. I’m becoming more intimate with, that I
really tried hard and I struggled with that. And I bring a new level of attention
to that. Instead of saying, “Oh, I shouldn’t have that. I should be always clear. I
should be always on and do the right thing.” No, the should is an extra pressure. It
is a result of me not feeling that part.

And so I can say, yes, there’s that extra pressure, I’m mindful of that, and I
become more intimate. Or I look at the quality of inner relationship with that
struggle or sometimes confusion.

And that’s also similar to how we do or do not or learn to trust our inner guidance,
like our inner voice, our inner guidance. Because for some of us it might be hard
to say, “Oh, am I really feeling this? Am I imagining that? Is that really happening?
Is that true? Can I trust it?” And here it’s the same that because we often grew
up in circumstances that weren’t fully conducive to us being really connected to
our inner compass, to our inner voice, also to our inner guidance. What’s next in
our life? Where is it going? Like the flow of information, and that there is a similar
quality of can I trust this, can I not trust this?

And then it’s not about trying harder, but actually allowing myself to feel okay,
how do I feel when I am asking myself that question that’s important? What’s my
inner environment that brings that question up, can I trust? And to explore that.
So I think that’s very rich. And then Amy, I hand it back to you.

Amy: Yeah, wonderful. We have a bunch of questions. But before I turn to them, I
just thought I would share what’s happening for me, Thomas, as I listen to you.
There’s this beautiful river of self-compassion or self-softness, both when you had

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 Session 6
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us bring to mind a moment of transgression and how do you relate to the part of
you that was caught in doing that harm.

And also so beautifully when you were talking to [Participant] about the younger
parts of each of us that are really doing their best at every moment. So my heart
just felt bursting with that quality of, I don’t know, self-forgiveness. And I also just
wanted on our collective behalf to thank [Participant] for sharing so openly and
vulnerably as you said before she came on. It’s such a gift for all of us to get to
witness that healing process with somebody and participate in it.

Write in Question - Boundaries in Spirituality

And Thomas, maybe I’ll just kick off our Q&A by one of the written in questions.
So [Participant] asked, I think a very, very important question related to the
journey of spiritual healing. She asked what’s the relationship between ... Is there
a contradiction between a spiritual orientation, sort of a more open-hearted
orientation and setting boundaries? And do the impulse for boundaries come from
the ego?

And then finally, could you say a little about what it means when you’ve had
trauma that’s about violation or crossing of boundaries that’s being done in the
name of spirituality or spiritual development? So just a general question about
holding and setting boundaries and doing that from a spiritual place of integrity
and also what to do when your boundaries have been violated.

Thomas: I think that’s a very important question because the fact that it’s a
question means I have a question with my boundaries. I don’t have a question
about spirit and spiritually and boundaries, but spiritual concepts can sit on the
process of hurt boundaries.

[01:35:00]

So my capacity, there’s a beauty in my capacity to say yes and no. And maturity
is to be able to say yes and no when a yes or a no are required. But when that
process couldn’t, from dependence to independence to interdependence couldn’t
fully develop itself, so when there’s hurt or trauma, so there’s a confusion. And
then it looks like it’s connected to spirituality, oneness and more, but that’s not the
question. The question, if the boundary is not the question, the question doesn’t
come up.

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Because as in different scriptures, it’s written that we are specific and we are
universal. The most universal expresses itself through the most specific. That’s
not ego. Or ego is a word anyway that we should talk about maybe in the next
session, like what do we mean when we say ego because it’s a word that’s being
used all the time and we should get rid of the ego. But what actually gets rid
of the ego? The ego gets rid of itself usually, or tries to get rid of itself and it’s a
constant struggle.

Versus looking for example at oh, what we call a separate sense of self is actually
the sum of the resistances, the sum of the stagnations that run through our
system, the energy cannot fully flow through. And so because there is a need to
have a healthy attachment process, to have a healthy identity development and
to be able to subject-object transcend that process, it’s not without it. It’s with
it or through it. And that’s why the combination of the wisdom of the east and
the wisdom of the west, let’s call it like that, or in and outer science are actually
together very powerful.

And that’s why setting healthy boundaries has nothing to do or having healthy
boundaries has nothing to do with my ego is acting out. I think it’s very important
to say yes and no, and it’s very important to feel, to have a good sense and the
grounded sense to say yes and no, that the world hears that we are saying yes
or no. That’s very important that when I say yes, the space being is filled with
energy that can manifest itself.

Because sometimes we say yes and no, but we actually don’t say it fully. We keep
the space here and we say it into our own space. When that process is heard, we
actually don’t give the words, the energy of our words to the world. So the world
doesn’t really hear us. And that’s something to work on. That’s something we can
work on an expand so that when I say something or when I say yes, I mean yes.
When I say no, I mean no. And the no is not just an expression of my ego. It’s an
expression of clarity in that moment.

Of course it can be many other things as well, but that doesn’t mean that setting
boundaries contradicts unity. Unity is not the soup of everything. Unity is the
brilliance of everything. When everything can shine in its uniqueness, there’s a
brilliance. When we support everybody, every human being in our right to be, to
become, to belong, there’s flourishing, there’s brilliance. So the entire reality that
we share together becomes a bigger reality, a richer reality, a reality with more
possibilities.

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 Session 6
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It’s not that the trauma in the reality creates scarcity. So it feels like, oh, there’s
not enough. In traumatized family systems there’s not enough for all the siblings.
And then there are crazy fights between the siblings and there’s a tightness. Or,
there’s in organizations, there’s not enough energy for us on the planet. But that’s
not the only reality that is possible, it’s defined partly by the design of trauma.
Whereas, supporting each other and being generous and inducing flourishing
that your highest good is my deepest interest.

[01:40:00]

If we begin to create environments like that where we really are interested in

each other’s shining. And that includes that somebody’s shining feels threatening
to me. That might include that when somebody grows and opens up and flows
more, it might be threatening, and that I’m committed to look at my fear, not
that if I find another fault in the other person to have something to criticize, like
generosity. But generosity, it reminds us of where we can’t fully be generous
because we are hurt. And so that’s important.

But also it’s very important to say that because many people get confused with
the developmental hurt around boundaries and spiritual concepts together are
often not conducive to growth. That creates a stagnation that creates often
bypasses. And we want our full human expression. That’s why I often say our
deepest humanity is our highest possibility. Our deepest humanity, being deeply
human is our highest possibility.

So it’s not trying to get away or get rid of our deep humanity. It’s fully living it.
And that opens us up to deeper and deeper layers of consciousness or life or
however you want to comment.

Yeah, I think that’s a very important question. I think there’s a lot of confusion
around that often. And it’s important to look into it and to take spiritual concepts
of. That is also owning my path because sometimes disowning my trauma leads
to the fact that I want to be further down the road, that I don’t own my current
state of development and I want to be, I’m almost already there. And I still have
this pattern, but I’m working on it already for a long time. If I’m working on it
already for a long time, it doesn’t have any meaning for now.

That’s also very important. Yeah, it’s great that I worked on it for a long time,
but if the pattern is replaying itself now, it has no value. It doesn’t mean that it
doesn’t have a value of what I did until now, but for this moment I want to get
to know myself fresh, not through the filter of everything that I already learned
about it. That creates another veil on top of what I want to see.
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 Session 6
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So to look at myself fresh, say yes, there’s one part of me that really doesn’t know.
I don’t know, even if I worked on something already 10 years, if it’s active in me, I
don’t know.

Amy: I’m laughing Thomas, because it’s so universal and it’s so humbling, the
thing you’re talking about. Really do have the feeling of like, “Oh my God, this
can’t be this again.”

Live Process #2

Participant 2: Thank you.

Thomas: Yeah, take your time. It’s good.

Participant 2: Thank you. Thank you for the opportunity to ask my question. I feel an urge to
apologize right now for feeling emotion, but I’m-

Thomas: It’s beautiful.

Participant 2: I’m touched that I was chosen to ask this. My question is how do we navigate
the journey of healing and allowing our authentic expression to come online
in different ways when that is what was maybe stifled in upbringing through
like abuse and with shame? Because I noticed for myself as I’m navigating this
journey and I’m trying to bring these parts of me into integration, I’m very afraid
of them because they were wronged and shamed and even pathologized.

[01:45:00]

So I find myself just feeling like I’m in a lot of fear around what’s coming up. Even
though I think there’s this part of me that knows it’s my truth and my authenticity,
but it just feels very scary. I would love to know just how I can navigate better
through that.

Thomas: When you say-

Participant 2: So that I don’t push it down more.

Thomas: Exactly. So when you say ... First of all, you’re doing already something that’s very
courageous. There are so many people listening right now and you’re speaking
about something that you felt was pathologized, but somehow in you there is

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 Session 6
Spiritual Healing Journey February 25, 2024
24

the courage to show yourself in front of people that you don’t know. The fact
that you’re speaking here is part of your power. And that’s very important to feel.
There is a power in you that goes for this moment and you really walk your inner
healing process forward by showing up.

And it’s great to feel that, that there is a strength that you have. You said it also
before. There’s a part of me that knows it’s true. And that’s what I also feel.
When you speak, I feel, yeah, this resonates a lot for me when I listen to you. It’s
like I can feel that strength in you. And that you come online now is also part of
that strength.

And that’s very important to know. So there is something deeper that any way
carries you. That’s very important. It’s like the river is carrying your pain or your
hurt or your wounding from earlier in your life. It’s like something is floating in the
river, but it’s moving along, it’s moving.

And that’s what I feel. That’s important because when the weight of the
trauma gets too heavy, then the water can sometimes not really carry it. So the
developmental movement stagnates a bit. But there’s something that’s moving.

And the second thing is when you say it’s scary, the fear comes up, then you can
see how it feels for you if you have a sense, not a rational knowledge, a sense
that when you say it scares me, this fear that it affects me when you say it.

So you can check. And if not, then it’s also fine. We just want to see the degree of
isolation of the fear or the degree of I can let you participate in my fear, or it was
very important for me to hold my fear myself. It’s not that one is better than the
other. It’s just that we become aware in which inner environment fear lives.

So when you say a fear comes up and then you can say, “Can I feel Thomas? Can
I not feel Thomas when I say it?” And there’s not one or the other better. It’s just
that we become aware of the state that is. There’s no should be.

Participant 2: Are you asking where I feel it?

Thomas: If you feel that when you say it, that when you speak about your fear, it somehow
lands in me. I can also feel that.

Participant 2: Okay.

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 Session 6
Spiritual Healing Journey February 25, 2024
25

Thomas: If that’s a feeling. Or if you feel a bit more like that there is a bit of a distance
between us. And it’s not personal to me. It’s more when the fear comes up, you
feel connected, you feel a bit withdrawn, like a bit more in yourself. How does it
feel? You have a sense that I’m sitting here with you like a felt sense.

[01:50:00]

Participant 2: Yeah. And there’s a trust ‘cause I trust you very much. I trust you more than any
other teacher I’ve had. So I trust what you’re saying. I think though I can still feel
myself wanting to hold all of it because that’s just what I know to do.

Thomas: Exactly. And that’s beautiful what you said, that there is trust and there’s also a
bit of a holding of the fear and that we honor the holding. We honor that you had
enough strength to hold yourself when it was difficult. And now it becomes more
of a conscious holding, and that you can just allow yourself to feel that that’s part
of us sitting here right now. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that’s good.

What’s happening now for you? Feel the same?

Participant 2: No, I feel it. Yeah, moving.

Thomas: Right.

Yeah. I also felt it. There was a moment when ...

Participant 2: I kind of settled.

Thomas: Yeah. Yeah. And let’s just take one moment to feel that something opened and
settled and how that feels inside. Right.

Yeah. That’s beautiful.

Participant 2: Thank you.

© 2024 by Inner Science LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this recording may be reproduced or transmitted in any form
or by any means, electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of Inner Science LLC.