The Confidence Code PDF

Katty Kay

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 The Confidence Code
Unlocking Confidence: A Practical Guide for
Women's Success
Written by Bookey
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About the book
In "The Confidence Code," acclaimed authors Claire Shipman
and Katty Kay deliver a compelling and practical guide for
women seeking to harness the power of confidence in their
professional lives. Building on the foundation of their previous
work in Womenomics, they explore the striking paradox of
highly educated and qualified women still facing challenges in
male-dominated corporate environments. By integrating
cutting-edge research in genetics, behavioral science, and
cognitive psychology with personal anecdotes from their lives
and the journeys of successful women across various fields,
Kay and Shipman move beyond traditional advice to empower
women. They provide essential insights and actionable
strategies to help women cultivate the confidence necessary to
thrive and achieve their career aspirations.

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About the author
Katherine "Katty" Kay, born around 1964, is a renowned
English journalist and the lead anchor of BBC World News
America. With a rich career that began in 1990 as a
correspondent for BBC World Service in Zimbabwe, Katty has
reported from various global hubs, including London, Tokyo,
and Washington, D.C. A graduate of the University of Oxford,
she is fluent in French and Italian and has also worked in the
banking and aid sectors before fully embracing journalism. In
addition to her broadcasting successes, including co-presenting
BBC World news bulletins and frequent appearances on
prominent political shows, she is a co-author of notable books
like "Womenomics" and "The Confidence Code," which
explore women's roles in the workforce and the nuances of
self-assurance. A dedicated advocate for women's media
representation, she serves on the Board of the International
Women's Media Foundation and is married with four children.

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Summary Content List
Chapter 1 : 1. It’s Not Enough to Be Good

Chapter 2 : 2. Do More, Think Less

Chapter 3 : 3. Wired for Confidence

Chapter 4 : 4. “Dumb Ugly Bitches” and Other Reasons

Women Have Less Confidence

Chapter 5 : 5. The New Nurture

Chapter 6 : 6. Failing Fast and Other Confidence-Boosting

Habits

Chapter 7 : 7. Now, Pass It On

Chapter 8 : 8. The Science and the Art

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 Chapter 1 Summary : 1. It’s Not Enough
to Be Good

Section Summary

Confidence in Action The authors explore confidence in female athletes at a Washington, DC sports complex, believing
their raw confidence can shed light on the issue.

The Athlete’s The Mystics show confidence through their physical presence and skill, as self-belief is crucial in
Command competitive sports.

Contradictions in Players Monique Currie and Crystal Langhorne reveal self-doubt despite their athletic prowess,
Confidence indicating that confidence can waver outside competition.

Influence of Gender on Female athletes internalize failures more than males, leading to a significant gender disparity in
Confidence confidence after performance losses.

Insights from Coaching Coach Mike Thibault highlights the different ways men and women critique themselves, with
women often judging themselves more harshly.

Unique Challenges for Cultural pressures lead to self-doubt among women, as they often feel the need to please, affecting
Women their confidence in sports and careers.

Doubt and Officer Michaela Bilotta's experience illustrates the reluctance among women to attribute their
Achievement successes to their efforts rather than luck.

Broader Implications of Statistics indicate that women's lower confidence impacts career advancement and negotiation
Confidence opportunities compared to men.

The Confidence Gap Research shows a confidence gap, with women often feeling they must meet all job qualifications to
apply, hindering their opportunities.

Understanding In male-dominated environments, women may hold back, echoing research that suggests women
Confidence Dynamics engage less in mixed-gender discussions.

Redefining Confidence Even successful women often deal with self-doubt, illustrating a shared struggle with
self-perception shaped by social dynamics.

Conclusion: The authors view confidence as essential for overcoming life's challenges and advocate for a
Confidence as an redefinition of confidence as a holistic, empowering approach.

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Section Summary

Energy

Chapter 1: IT'S NOT ENOUGH TO BE GOOD

Confidence in Action

The authors, Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, search for raw
confidence at a Washington, DC sports complex, the Verizon
Center, during the Washington Mystics' practice. They
believe that observing female athletes may reveal
unadulterated confidence, untainted by societal pressures.

The Athlete’s Command

The Mystics exude confidence through their towering

physiques and mastery of a challenging professional sport.
The performance in competitive sports demands self-belief,
where doubt cannot exist, thus becoming a rich field for their
exploration of confidence.

Contradictions in Confidence

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Despite their impressive court performance, players Monique
Currie and Crystal Langhorne express self-doubt, revealing
that confidence often falters outside the court. Female
athletes struggle with comparison to male counterparts and
the societal pressures that cloud their self-assessment.

Influence of Gender on Confidence

The players identify a gender disparity in handling

performance failures. While male athletes seem to shrug off
losses, women internalize them, impacting their confidence.

Insights from Coaching

Coach Mike Thibault articulates the psychological struggles

female athletes face, emphasizing a difference between
self-critique in women and men, where women often engage
in excessive judgment of themselves.

Unique Challenges for Women

The cultural and psychological pressures contribute to

self-doubt among women, who may feel the need to please
others, thereby hindering their confidence on the court and in

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their careers.

Doubt and Achievement

Officer Michaela Bilotta, a Naval Academy graduate, voices

her struggle with recognizing her accomplishments,
attributing them to luck rather than hard work. This common
attribute among women shows a reluctance to own their
success.

Broader Implications of Confidence

Statistics show that women are less confident in their

abilities compared to men, impacting their career
advancements and negotiations in the workplace. Women's
reluctance to pursue opportunities echoes across multiple
professions.

The Confidence Gap

Studies reveal a confidence gap, with women reporting

feelings of inadequacy and perfectionism, often believing
they must meet 100% of job qualifications to apply for a
position.

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Understanding Confidence Dynamics

As women engage in environments dominated by men, they

often hold back, reflecting patterns seen in studies where
women talk less in mixed-gender groups. This hesitation
hinders their progress and visibility.

Redefining Confidence

Even accomplished women express doubts about their

capabilities, emphasizing a collective struggle with
self-perception. Confidence is often tied to social dynamics,
where self-doubt can inhibit open expression.

Conclusion: Confidence as an Energy

The authors consider confidence as a vital force in navigating

life's challenges. They highlight the need to redefine
confidence as a wholehearted approach to circumstances,
paving the way for deeper exploration and understanding of
what confidence truly means.

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Example
Key Point:The necessity of claiming your success
without hesitation.
Example:Imagine receiving a promotion at work.
Instead of acknowledging your hard work, you attribute
it to luck or timing. This is the essence of the confidence
gap—a struggle many women face in recognizing their
achievements. You might find yourself hesitating to take
credit, worried that others will think you boastful. Yet,
claiming your success is crucial. It empowers you and
demonstrates to others that you are deserving of every
victory. Confidence isn’t just about feeling good; it’s
about owning your capabilities and achievements
unreservedly, allowing your self-assessment to reflect
your true contributions.

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 Chapter 2 Summary : 2. Do More, Think
Less

Section Summary

Introduction to Statistical Distinguishes between instinctive animal confidence and human confidence, highlighting the
Confidence concept of "statistical confidence" that measures certainty in decisions.

Redefining Confidence Confidence is defined as a belief in one's capability to achieve outcomes through action, rather
than just feeling good or being assertive.

The Role of Environmental Environmental factors, such as cultural and social settings, affect how confidence is displayed,
Influences as seen in the behavior of young women compared to men.

Exploring Confidence in Experience in the U.S. military shows that true confidence involves self-acceptance and
High-Stakes Environments decision-making under pressure, coexistence with vulnerability.

Understanding Confidence Explores related concepts: self-esteem, optimism, self-compassion, and self-efficacy, noting that
Cousins confidence is about believing in one’s abilities.

Linking Action and Emphasizes that confidence is demonstrated through action; women's under-confidence can lead
Confidence to inaction, whereas proactive engagement enhances confidence and performance.

Final Thoughts Confidence is a skill cultivated through action, resilience, and mastery, encouraging an
empowering perspective on personal growth and facing challenges.

DO MORE, THINK LESS

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Introduction to Statistical Confidence

The search for confidence, as explored by neuroscientist

Adam Kepecs, leads to a distinction between the simple,
instinctive confidence of animals, such as rats, and the
complicated nature of human confidence. Kepecs’ research
focuses on "statistical confidence," which measures certainty
about decisions, suggesting confidence is a basic quality
shared across species.

Redefining Confidence

Contrary to common belief, confidence is not merely about

feeling good or appearing assertive. Confidence encompasses
a fundamental belief in one's ability to create successful
outcomes through action. The study of rat behavior reveals
that confidence involves a willingness to stick it out through
uncertainty, highlighting that confidence has more to do with
basic decision-making processes than mere self-assuredness
or aggressive mannerisms.

The Role of Environmental Influences

When exploring confidence, connection to external

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environments, such as social and educational settings,
becomes apparent. For instance, young women at a
Georgetown conference exhibit a polite demeanor often
perceived as a lack of confidence, differing from behaviors
typically seen in men. This contrast indicates that cultural
factors may influence the display of confidence.

Exploring Confidence in High-Stakes Environments

The narrative then shifts to experiences within the U.S.

military, specifically with General Jessica Wright, who
demonstrates that confidence involves both self-acceptance
and the ability to make decisions under pressure,
emphasizing that real confidence can coexist with
vulnerability and self-doubt.

Understanding Confidence Cousins

Further examination of concepts related to

confidence—self-esteem, optimism, self-compassion, and
self-efficacy—reveals their interconnections. While
confidence encompasses actionable belief in one's abilities,
self-esteem pertains to value judgments about oneself, and
optimism reflects a proactive outlook towards future

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outcomes.

Linking Action and Confidence

The conclusion draws on the idea that confidence is

manifested through action. Confidence influences not just
perception of capabilities but also behavior. Empirical
evidence illustrates that women’s under-confidence often
leads to inaction, while proactive engagement can yield
positive results in performance, guided by the notion that
taking action fosters further confidence.

Final Thoughts

Ultimately, the journey reveals that confidence isn't

exclusively an internal belief; it’s a skill cultivated through
action, mastery, and resilience. The acquisition of confidence
can thus be seen as a series of choices to engage with
challenges and pursue growth. This understanding propels
the narrative towards an empowering perspective on how we
might all cultivate and embrace confidence in our daily lives.

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Example
Key Point:The power of action in building
confidence
Example:Imagine you're considering a new project at
work but hesitate to take the first step due to self-doubt.
Instead of lingering in indecision, picture yourself
taking action—drafting an outline, sharing your ideas
with a colleague, and gradually refining your vision.
Each small step you take not only moves the project
forward but also strengthens your belief in your
abilities, demonstrating that real confidence is not just a
feeling but a skill developed through consistent action.

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Chapter 3 Summary : 3. Wired for
Confidence

WIRED FOR CONFIDENCE

In this chapter, the authors explore the relationship between

genetics and confidence through the lens of
neuropsychologist Steve Suomi's research on rhesus
monkeys. They seek to understand whether confidence is
inherent or influenced by upbringing.

The Origins of Confidence

- Suomi observes personality differences in monkeys,

revealing that some are naturally more confident than others
due to genetic predispositions.
- His findings suggest that biological traits affecting
confidence are observable early in life and persist through
different life stages.

The Connection to Human Behavior

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- The SLC6A4 gene, linked to serotonin regulation, is
discussed as essential for personality traits related to
confidence and anxiety.
- Research indicates that genetic factors may contribute up to
25-50% of our confidence levels, illustrating that both nature
and nurture play significant roles in personality formation.

Cognitive Enhancements and Brain Plasticity

- Brain plasticity, the ability of the brain to change and adapt,

offers hope for developing confidence as adults.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness
practices like meditation can facilitate these changes by
promoting healthier thought patterns and reducing anxiety.

The Role of Neurotransmitters

- Key neurotransmitters, including serotonin, oxytocin, and

dopamine, are identified as crucial players in the
development of confidence.
- Specifically, oxytocin is associated with social behaviors
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predispositions may
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affect social interactions and emotional resilience.

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Chapter 4 Summary : 4. “Dumb Ugly
Bitches” and Other Reasons Women
Have Less Confidence

DUMB, UGLY, BITCHES AND OTHER REASONS

WOMEN HAVE LESS CONFIDENCE

The chapter opens with a disturbing term used at the U.S.

Naval Academy, where female students are derogatorily
called "DUBs" (dumb ugly bitches). Such language reflects
deep-seated societal gender biases, showcasing the severe
challenges women face in traditionally male-dominated
environments. This treatment highlights the long-standing
imbalance that contributes to the confidence gap between
men and women, as exemplified by various statistics
concerning women’s representation and earnings in
professional settings.

Cultural Influences on Girls' Confidence

From a young age, girls are socialized to be compliant, often

rewarded for being "good" rather than being assertive or

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competitive. This early conditioning drastically affects their
self-perception and confidence, leading to a tendency to
internalize failures more than their male counterparts. The
chapter discusses how societal expectations, school
environments, and early experiences, such as participation in
competitive sports, influence women's confidence and often
lead to them shying away from risk-taking behaviors that are
crucial for personal and professional growth.

Perceptions and Outcomes in Professional Settings

In professional environments, the behaviors of women and

men are often judged by different standards. Men are
encouraged to assert themselves and take risks, while women
face potential backlash for similar behaviors, often labeled
negatively. Anecdotes illustrate how women's tendencies to
be more self-critical and less willing to advocate for
themselves in negotiations can result in tangible career
setbacks, revealing the detrimental impact of societal
expectations on women's confidence and ambitions.

The Role of Self-Perception in Women's Confidence

A significant aspect of women's confidence issues stems

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from their relationships with their own physical appearances.
Many women possess a harsh self-image, leading to
widespread dissatisfaction and lack of confidence in
professional settings. The suppression of positive
self-affirmation leads to a cycle where self-criticism inhibits
motivation, making it difficult for women to pursue
opportunities or assert themselves effectively.

The Impact of Overthinking and Emotional Labor

Overthinking, often more prevalent in women, leads to

ruminative cycles that hinder action and decision-making.
Studies indicate that such tendencies can leave women
paralyzed in situations requiring swift confidence,
contrasting with men's quicker, often less burdensome
approaches to failure and criticism. Achieving success
requires overcoming the instinct to over-personalize
setbacks.

Brain Biology and Gender Differences

Emerging scientific insights into brain biology suggest that

men and women have different neurological wiring, which
may influence confidence levels and behavior in risks and

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conflict resolution. The interplay of hormones like
testosterone and estrogen shapes male and female
interactions with confidence tasks, revealing that while
testosterone may promote risk-taking, estrogen facilitates
collaboration but may inhibit confident decisions.

Moving Towards Confidence Creation

Ultimately, the chapter emphasizes that many confidence

barriers are systemic yet can be managed through
self-awareness and behavioral adjustment. By addressing
both external social pressures and internal psychological
barriers, women can begin to reshape their confidence
narratives and engage more assertively in their professional
lives, transforming challenges into opportunities for
empowerment.

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Critical Thinking
Key Point:The systemic nature of confidence
barriers is a significant concern.
Critical Interpretation:The chapter’s assertion that
women’s confidence is deeply impacted by systemic
issues such as societal expectations and biased
perceptions in professional settings prompts a critical
analysis. While the authors illustrate how these external
factors contribute to the confidence gap, it is essential
for readers to recognize that individual agency also
plays a crucial role in overcoming these barriers.
Self-efficacy and personal development initiatives are
equally important and can vary greatly between
individuals. Studies suggest that building personal
resilience, regardless of external biases, can empower
women in their professional journeys (Bandura, A.,
1997). Thus, the discussion should encourage a
balanced perspective, acknowledging both societal
influences and the power of individual effort.

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Chapter 5 Summary : 5. The New
Nurture

5 THE NEW NURTURE

Introduction to Confidence Building

The chapter highlights transformative stories of women, Jane

and Christine, reflecting on their childhood experiences.
They demonstrate that confidence develops through gradual
challenges rather than constant protection or praise.

Radical Parenting Approach

Modern parenting often emphasizes safety and praise, which

can inadvertently result in fragile self-esteem, especially for
girls. The text argues for a shift toward resilience through
responsibility and exposure to challenges, allowing children
to navigate risks and failures.

Benefits of Experiencing Failure

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Failure is presented as a vital component of building
resilience and confidence. It encourages growth through trial
and error, suggesting that experiencing setbacks prepares
individuals for real-life challenges.

Cultural Reflections on Confidence

The narrative contrasts American and Asian parenting styles,

noting that the latter often embraces adversity and resilience
(gaman), in contrast to the former's focus on self-esteem and
protection.

Embracing Risks

The chapter advocates for calculated risk-taking,

emphasizing that confidence is built through persistence,
exposure to challenges, and stepping outside one’s comfort
zone.

The Importance of Growth Mindset

A growth mindset, as described by Carol Dweck, is essential

for developing confidence. By cultivating a belief that skills

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can improve with effort, individuals become more resilient
and willing to take risks.

The Role of Internal Validation

Reliance on external praise can undermine confidence. The

chapter encourages raising children who derive self-worth
from their achievements and intrinsic values, rather than
external approval.

Promoting Independence in Children

The importance of nurturing independence is stressed, with

stories illustrating that early responsibility fosters
self-assurance. Parents need to balance support with allowing
kids to experience failure and learning moments.

Conclusion

The authors assert that confidence can be nurtured actively at

any age through dedication to facing challenges, embracing
failure, and fostering a growth mindset. Building confidence
is a continuous effort that can reshape one’s perception and
approach to risks and opportunities in life.

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Chapter 6 Summary : 6. Failing Fast and
Other Confidence-Boosting Habits

FAILING, FAST, AND OTHER

CONFIDENCE-BOOSTING HABITS

Failing quickly is presented as a strategy for women to build

confidence. Instead of fearing failure, embracing small,
manageable failures can lead to growth and learning. By
adopting a mindset of "failing fast," women can focus on
taking action rather than overthinking potential
shortcomings.

Leave the Comfort Zone

Taking action is crucial for building confidence, especially

when it involves risk. Women should start with small steps to
overcome their fears in social settings or workplace
scenarios. Practicing the exposure technique—gradually
facing discomfort—can prepare women for more significant
challenges.

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Don’t Ruminate—Rewire

Negative thoughts can drain confidence, but they can be

countered by self-compassion and reformatting one's
thinking. Recognizing automatic negative thoughts (NATs)
and rewriting them into more positive interpretations can
foster resilience.

From Me to We

Pivoting focus from oneself to the collective can increase

confidence, especially for women. Understanding that it is
not all about personal performance allows for greater ease in
social and professional situations.

It’s Not Personal

Personalizing situations can undermine confidence.

Recognizing that most people are focused on their own lives
can help women to deflect criticism and engage positively
with feedback, viewing it as constructive rather than
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When We Should Star in Our Own Production

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Chapter 7 Summary : 7. Now, Pass It On

Chapter 7: NOW, PASS IT ON

Cultural Differences in Learning and Confidence

Jim Stigler's experience in a Japanese math class highlights

the distinct perspectives between Western and Eastern views
on learning. In Japan, struggling is viewed as an opportunity
for growth, while in America, it often implies a lack of
intelligence. This difference significantly affects children's
confidence.

Instilling Confidence in Children

The authors stress that instilling genuine confidence in

children is essential, which goes beyond cliché affirmations.
True confidence equips them to take risks, handle failures,
and maintain inner calm. Parents should praise effort rather
than perfection, encouraging acceptance of struggle as a
natural part of learning.

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Praise Progress, Not Perfection

Japanese educational methods showcase the importance of

allowing children to tackle challenging tasks that push their
limits. Recognizing their achievements, even small ones,
fosters confidence and resilience in facing difficulties. The
authors caution against over-praising or protecting children
from failures, which can lead to entitlement and a lack of
self-reliance.

Teaching Life Skills

Teaching children essential life skills, such as doing laundry

or cooking, helps them develop independence. Parents are
advised to allow their children to experience frustrations and
failures, which build tolerance and confidence.

The Role of Expectations

The authors discuss the negative impact of parental

expectations, noting that children feel pressure to fulfill their
parents' dreams. Encouraging children to pursue their own
interests is crucial for their confidence development.

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Raising Confident Daughters

Raising girls to be assertive and independent requires

conscious effort. The chapter highlights the societal tendency
to reward girls for being “good,” which can inhibit their
self-advocacy later in life. Encouraging assertiveness over
perfectionism helps girls navigate the complexities of
adulthood.

Discouraging Perfectionism

The authors highlight the dangers of perfectionism,

particularly in high-achieving girls. Encouraging moderate
praise, teaching satisfaction with personal effort, and
modeling imperfection can help combat the pressures of
needing to be perfect.

Empowering Through Role Models

Prominent role models play a key role in inspiring

confidence. The chapter underscores how exposure to
successful women can shift perceptions and motivate girls to
see themselves in various professional roles.

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Helping Women Build Confidence

Encouraging women to recognize and speak about their

successes is crucial for building confidence in professional
environments. Women should feel comfortable advocating
for themselves as their male counterparts do.

Concluding Thoughts on Confidence

The chapter concludes by illustrating that the journey to

confidence involves recognizing one's worth and having the
courage to pursue dreams. Both societal structures and
individual support systems play critical roles in shaping
self-esteem and self-efficacy.

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Chapter 8 Summary : 8. The Science and
the Art

8. THE SCIENCE AND THE ART

Introduction to Genetic Testing

Katty and Claire receive results from Genomind and

23andMe, initially hesitant to explore their genetic
information. They find the idea of revealing potential
weaknesses in their DNA daunting, yet curiosity prompts
them to dive into the results.

Findings from 23andMe

The extensive results provide a detailed overview of potential

health risks, linking them to various diseases such as
Alzheimer’s and heart disease. There are few alarming
discoveries, but they gain insight into interesting genetic
traits, like Katty's sprinting genes and Claire’s Native
American ancestry.

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Psychological Gene Profiling Surprises

The results reveal both women as "worriers" rather than

"warriors," contradicting their expectations. They learn that
their COMT gene variants indicate a tendency for anxiety,
while a more optimistic genetic variant for oxytocin shows
their capacity for positivity and warmth towards others.

Discussion with Genetic Experts

Dr. Jay Lombard explains the implications of their genetic

findings, emphasizing that genetic predispositions are a
combination of complex factors, including environment and
experiences. Despite discovering susceptibility to anxiety, he
reassures them of resilience potential.

Accepting Genetic Results

Initially feeling unsettled by "bad" genes for confidence, both

women reflect on how their life experiences shape their
personalities, recognizing the complexity of their identities
beyond genetic markers. They conclude that their journeys
and choices outweigh genetic limitations.

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Redefining Confidence

Katty and Claire discuss how confidence manifests

differently in women compared to men. They explore
alternative expressions of confidence that do not conform to
traditional aggressive, male-dominated models, advocating
for an authentic, inclusive approach to confidence.

Embracing Authentic Confidence

Confidence can be subtle and quiet. Women can exhibit

confidence by listening, incorporating others' opinions, and
speaking calmly yet effectively. Authenticity emerges as a
crucial aspect of confidence, going beyond aggressive
displays to showcase individuality and diverse strengths.

Daring to Be Different

Christine Lagarde’s guidance on embracing differences

rather than conforming reinforces the idea of celebrating
unique strengths. They learn that authentic confidence is
about staying true to oneself, engaging in meaningful
dialogue, and not sacrificing individuality for societal

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expectations.

Conclusion

The journey through genetic testing and discussions on

confidence leads to a deeper understanding of the importance
of authenticity and the need to challenge traditional notions
of success. Acknowledging strengths and personal values
empowers women to forge their paths confidently,
highlighted by the cumulative experiences shared.

Acknowledge the Supporters

The authors express gratitude to their mentors, experts, and

families who supported them through the writing process,
emphasizing the collaborative effort involved in their study
of confidence. This chapter culminates in a celebration of
individuality and the transformative power of confidence
derived from authenticity and unique expressions.

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Critical Thinking
Key Point:The complex interplay between genetics
and individual experiences is at the heart of
confidence.
Critical Interpretation:While Kay and her co-author
acknowledge the role of genetic predispositions in
shaping personality traits, they emphasize that
environment and individual choices are equally
significant in building self-confidence. This perspective
invites skepticism; genetic determinism may
over-simplify the multifaceted nature of human
behavior and experiences. Critics emphasize that
confidence stems as much from external factors and
personal growth as it does from our genes (see sources
like 'The Myth of Genetic Determinism' by Eric
Turkheimer). By focusing on authenticity and personal
narratives, they advocate for redefining confidence away
from traditional metrics. Thus, while their insights are
illuminating, one should approach their conclusions
with caution, recognizing the broader societal factors
influencing confidence in women.

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Best Quotes from The Confidence Code
by Katty Kay with Page Numbers
View on Bookey Website and Generate Beautiful Quote Images

Chapter 1 | Quotes From Pages 23-61

[Link] win here, you have to believe in yourself. No
doubting, no debating, no dithering.
[Link] is the purity of action produced by a mind free
of doubt.
[Link], as players, you can kind of struggle with your
confidence, because things might not be going well... But
to be playing at this level, you have to believe in what you
can do, and you have to believe in your ability.
[Link] you have a male attitude and that type of swagger and
confidence in yourself, you play better.
[Link] we aren't confident, we don't succeed as we should.
We can't even envision the work we could be doing... we
can't contribute fully to a system that is in great need of
female leadership.
6.I think confidence is the way we meet our circumstances,

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 whether they are wondrous and wonderful or really hard
and difficult.
Chapter 2 | Quotes From Pages 62-104
[Link] is the stuff that turns thoughts into
action.
[Link]’s adaptive to have appropriate levels of confidence so
one makes the right bets in life.
[Link] you fail, self-compassion will give you the chance not to
berate yourself, but to take your failure more lightly.
[Link] way to think about confidence is how sure are you that
you have the skills that you need to succeed in doing a
particular thing.
[Link] may never become a world-class swimmer, but you
will learn to swim across the lake.
[Link] we do act, even when we’re forced to act, to answer
those questions, we do just as well as men.
Chapter 3 | Quotes From Pages 105-150
[Link] now know that there’s an underlying biology,”
he told us. “Certain biological characteristics show

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 up very early in life and, if you don’t do anything
about the environment, are likely to be fairly
stable throughout infancy, childhood, adolescence,
and adulthood.
2.A lot of personality is biologically driven,” says Dr. Jay
Lombard, one of the founders of Genomind, a pioneering
genetic testing company. “It is clearly both nature and
nurture, and understanding what genes do to affect the
biology of the brain, to create temperament, is something
the NIH has now recognized as a priority.
[Link] you can layer that over with new memory networks, you
can reroute the highway. You can build bridges over the
highway. You might not get rid of the highway because it
was put down so early, but you can work around it, and
literally lay down new roads.
[Link] you see may be, in part, the consequence of not
having confidence. You live in a world where everything
you do is bad and nothing you do makes a difference. It’s
what’s called, ‘learned helplessness.’

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[Link] a large chunk of confidence can be explained away by
genetics, we wondered what that meant for our theory that
confidence might also be a choice.

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Chapter 4 | Quotes From Pages 151-203
[Link] life were one long grade school, women would
rule the world.
[Link] have many reasons to be happy and confident. Yet
when there is any pause in our daily activities, many of us
are flooded with worries, thoughts, and emotions that swirl
out of control, sucking our emotions and energy down,
down, down.
[Link] pay a heavy social and even professional penalty when
we act as aggressively as men do.
[Link]’s looks are complicated on all fronts.
Chapter 5 | Quotes From Pages 204-235
[Link]’re not born with it. You build and you build. I
built that confidence myself.
[Link] acquisition of real confidence requires a radically new
kind of nurturing, of ourselves and of our children.
[Link] requires hard work, substantial risk, determined
persistence, and sometimes bitter failure.
[Link] is an inevitable result of risk taking, and it’s

Scan to Download
 essential for building resilience.
[Link] is less about what you were born with, and
more about what you make of yourself.
[Link] of the most critical things in building confidence is to
embrace the beauty of failure.
[Link] don’t get to 'choose confidence' and then stop thinking
about it as your life miraculously changes around you.
Chapter 6 | Quotes From Pages 236-274
[Link] fast.
[Link] builds confidence like taking action, especially
when the action involves risk and failure.
[Link]’s not the strongest species that survives in the long
run—it’s the one that is the most adaptable.
[Link] in doubt, act.
[Link]’s better than inaction.
[Link] of those vintage maxims can help, but not in
isolation.
[Link] after we talked to our tech friend, Claire decided to
stick her toe in the failure water.

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[Link] taught me a lot. And I’ve never read a closing statement
again.
[Link]’ve ferreted out what we found to be the most salient
information, especially that, with application to our
everyday lives.
[Link] about a terrible scenario you imagine happening at
work.

Scan to Download
Chapter 7 | Quotes From Pages 275-306
[Link] Asian cultures, they tend to see struggle more as
an opportunity.
[Link] gives them something else entirely: a faith in
their ability to make things happen, to risk failure, and to,
all the while maintain a sense of inner calm and
equilibrium.
[Link] a child to accept and even embrace struggle,
rather than shy away from it, is a crucial step along the path
toward instilling confidence.
[Link] is the enemy of confidence.
[Link]’re showing the child that it’s possible to make
progress without being perfect.
[Link]’s about you is what your children learn from
watching you, what they get from the example you set.
[Link] should know that what they see in you can change
their lives.
Chapter 8 | Quotes From Pages 307-339
[Link] you have one or two short strands of this gene,

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 you may be prone to anxiety, and two long strands
mean you have a genetic predisposition to being
more resilient.
[Link] don’t mean everything. The environment,
epigenetics, is what turns genes on or off.
[Link] can’t be one size fits all.
[Link] in women often looks different than it does in
men.
[Link] have to be savvy about it, but you also, in a sense,
have to be confident about the difference.
[Link] Less. Take Action. Be Authentic. Confidence is
within reach.

Scan to Download
The Confidence Code Questions
View on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | 1. It’s Not Enough to Be Good| Q&A

[Link]
What did the authors seek to observe in women's
basketball to understand confidence?
Answer:They wanted to see raw, unadulterated
confidence in action, free from the societal pressures
that often warp it, as they believed sports would
reveal this purer form of confidence.

[Link]
How did Monique Currie describe the struggle with
confidence in professional basketball?
Answer:Monique mentioned that players often struggle with
confidence, especially when things aren't going well; she
emphasized the importance of believing in one’s abilities to
compete at that level.

[Link]
What differences in emotional responses did Crystal
Langhorne point out between male and female players

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after a bad game?
Answer:Crystal explained that after a bad game, female
players tend to focus on the team's loss and their desire to
help the team and fans, while male players are more likely to
think about their own performance and move on quickly.

[Link]
How did coach Mike Thibault describe the psychological
challenges female athletes face compared to male
athletes?
Answer:He noted that female athletes often dwell on failures
and mistakes longer than male athletes, which affects their
performance and confidence. Male athletes may be tough on
themselves but are able to bounce back more quickly.

[Link]
What impact did Michaela Bilotta's achievements have on
her self-perception of worthiness?
Answer:Despite being highly successful and qualified,
Bilotta reflected on how she struggled to acknowledge her
accomplishments, attributing them to luck instead of

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recognizing her capabilities.

[Link]
What commonality did the authors find among successful
women regarding their confidence?
Answer:The authors observed that many successful women
expressed feelings of self-doubt and attributed their successes
to luck or external factors instead of their abilities.

[Link]
How did Christine Lagarde view the importance of
confidence in her role?
Answer:Lagarde highlighted the necessity of
over-preparation due to a belief that women often feel they
need to prove their expertise more than men, which is
connected to confidence issues.

[Link]
What did the research indicate about women's
expectations of salary compared to men's?
Answer:Women expected to earn significantly less than
men—$64,000 compared to $80,000—indicating a belief that
they are less valuable in the workplace.

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[Link]
What critical insight did the study by Dunning and
Ehrlinger reveal about women's self-assessment of
abilities?
Answer:The study showed that women often underestimate
their abilities and hence are less likely to seek competitive
opportunities compared to men, who tend to overestimate
theirs.

[Link]
What conclusion did the authors reach regarding the
relationship between confidence and success?
Answer:They concluded that confidence is a fundamental
component of success, as it influences how women pursue
opportunities and perceive their own value in professional
settings.

[Link]
What did Sharon Salzberg define as confidence in
relation to human fulfillment?
Answer:Salzberg described confidence as a wholeheartedness
in how we approach our circumstances, suggesting it is

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essential for meeting life's challenges and achieving
fulfillment.
Chapter 2 | 2. Do More, Think Less| Q&A
[Link]
What does confidence mean according to Adam Kepecs’s
research on rats?
Answer:Confidence, in the simplest terms, is the
measure of certainty about a choice we’ve made, a
basic functional quality that all species, including
rats and humans, possess. It relates to how sure one
is of their decision-making.

[Link]
How does human confidence differ from the confidence
observed in rats?
Answer:While both display confidence, human confidence is
layered with complex thoughts, emotions, and societal
perceptions, often influenced by self-esteem and cultural
norms, while rats exhibit a more straightforward statistical
confidence tied to their actions.

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[Link]
What can we learn from the experiment where rats wait
for a reward after making a decision?
Answer:The rats' willingness to wait for a reward represents
their commitment to their decision, illustrating that true
confidence involves both action and the courage to stick it
out despite doubts or potential failure.

[Link]
What insights did the authors gain about women's
confidence during their observation of Georgetown
students?
Answer:The young women expressed desires to create
change but exhibited a lack of confidence in their abilities to
run for office, highlighting a pattern of self-doubt and
concern about being perceived as too assertive, which shows
the internal barriers women face.

[Link]
What factors contribute significantly to the development
of confidence according to the authors?
Answer:Key factors include action, the experience of mastery

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in various skills, self-efficacy, and the relationship one has
with self-compassion, all of which support the growth and
reinforcements of confidence.

[Link]
How does self-compassion relate to building confidence?
Answer:Self-compassion allows individuals to treat their
failures and missteps with understanding and kindness,
reducing the fear of failure, and fostering a willingness to
take risks, which in turn helps in building confidence.

[Link]
What role does mastery play in the formation of
confidence?
Answer:Mastery involves the process of learning and
developing skills through effort, leading to confidence as
individuals accomplish tasks and face new challenges,
reinforcing their belief in their abilities.

[Link]
How can societal norms affect women's confidence,
according to the Georgetown students' reflections?
Answer:Societal norms often dictate that women must be

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cautious in their assertiveness to avoid negative labels, which
in turn can diminish their confidence and willingness to take
on challenges or leadership roles.

[Link]
What is Richard Petty’s definition of confidence?
Answer:Richard Petty defines confidence as "the stuff that
turns thoughts into action," emphasizing that it is essential
for making decisions and executing actions in various
pursuits.

[Link]
In what ways do confidence and overconfidence differ,
and how might overconfidence be beneficial?
Answer:While confidence refers to a realistic assessment of
one's abilities, overconfidence may encourage individuals to
take risks and attempt challenges they might avoid if they
fully understood the potential obstacles, serving as a
motivational push towards action.
Chapter 3 | 3. Wired for Confidence| Q&A
[Link]
What role does biology play in confidence according to

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Steve Suomi's research?
Answer:Steve Suomi's research indicates that some
individuals, including monkeys, are born with
genetic predispositions affecting their confidence
levels, further influenced by their environments.
This interplay shapes personalities, with evidence
that certain biological characteristics remain stable
throughout various life stages.

[Link]
How does the serotonin transporter gene (SLC6A4) affect
confidence?
Answer:The SLC6A4 gene regulates serotonin levels, which
influences mood and behavior. Variants of this gene correlate
with resilience and, consequently, confidence; individuals
with the optimal variant exhibit higher levels of confidence
and lower susceptibility to anxiety.

[Link]
What did Plomin's study of twins reveal about the
relationship between confidence and genetics?

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Answer:Plomin's study found that self-perceived confidence
was a significant predictor of academic achievement, even
more than IQ, suggesting that confidence may be up to 50%
hereditary, with genetic factors playing a crucial role in
developing confidence.

[Link]
What importance does the concept of epigenetics hold in
the context of confidence?
Answer:Epigenetics illustrates that environmental factors can
influence how genes are expressed, showing that while we
may be predisposed to certain confidence levels genetically,
our experiences and nurturing can significantly alter these
traits, making them malleable.

[Link]
How can brain plasticity help individuals improve their
confidence levels?
Answer:Brain plasticity allows for the development of new
neural pathways through changes in thinking and behavior.
Techniques like cognitive-behavioral therapy and meditation

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can create lasting changes in brain structure that enhance
resilience and confidence.

[Link]
What is the contribution of social interactions to building
confidence according to the findings discussed?
Answer:Social interactions, particularly nurturing ones from
caregivers, significantly enhance emotional resilience in
individuals, which can mitigate genetic predispositions
toward anxiety and bolster overall confidence.

[Link]
How did the discoveries about confidence genes impact
the authors’ views on their own confidence?
Answer:The authors reflected on their personal traits in light
of genetic findings, contemplating how their environments
and upbringing shaped their confidence and whether
understanding their genetic predispositions would help them
improve it.

[Link]
What metaphor is used to explain the stability and
changeability of confidence traits?

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Answer:Confidence traits are compared to a house's
foundation; while some individuals may have a stronger base
(genetic predispositions), with effort and the right materials
(environmental support), it is possible to build additional
floors (enhance confidence) on that foundation.

[Link]
What are the implications of the sensitivity gene theory
concerning confidence in children?
Answer:The sensitivity gene theory suggests that children,
like orchids, may be more affected by their environments
than their sturdier peers (dandelions), meaning those with
sensitivity genes could thrive spectacularly given the right
nurturing, illuminating paths for boosting confidence in
sensitive children.

[Link]
How can knowledge of genetics inform our approach to
boosting confidence in ourselves and others?
Answer:Understanding genetic predispositions can illuminate
how to tailor environmental factors and support strategies

Scan to Download
effectively, empowering individuals to develop greater
confidence based on their unique genetic make-up and life
experiences.

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Chapter 4 | 4. “Dumb Ugly Bitches” and Other
Reasons Women Have Less Confidence| Q&A
[Link]
Why is the term 'DUBs' significant in understanding
women's confidence at the Naval Academy?
Answer:The term 'DUBs' stands for 'dumb, ugly
bitches,' and is used to demean female students at
the Naval Academy. This demonstrates the
pervasive misogyny and hostility women face in
male-dominated environments, which can deeply
affect their self-esteem and confidence. Such
derogatory labels create a hostile atmosphere that
can discourage women from fully engaging and
asserting themselves.

[Link]
How does the socialization of girls in education contribute
to the confidence gap between genders?
Answer:From a young age, girls are socialized to be
compliant and polite, often receiving praise for being 'good'
rather than assertive. This begins an internalization of the

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idea that they should avoid taking risks or making mistakes,
which are critical for learning and confidence-building. In
contrast, boys often receive encouragement to be more
assertive and competitive, which fosters resilience and
self-confidence.

[Link]
What role do competitive sports play in building girls'
confidence?
Answer:Competitive sports help develop resilience,
teamwork, and a sense of belonging, which are vital for
confidence. Studies show that girls who play sports are more
likely to graduate, find jobs, and succeed in male-dominated
fields. Engaging in sports teaches them to handle victories
and failures, which directly translates to handling workplace
challenges.

[Link]
How does the perception of physical appearance impact
women's confidence?
Answer:Women are often judged harshly based on their

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appearance, which significantly affects their self-esteem.
Studies indicate that a vast majority of women are
dissatisfied with their looks and fear social rejection based on
physical standards. This preoccupation with appearance
distracts from their abilities and contributions in professional
environments.

[Link]
What are the main factors contributing to women’s
tendency to overthink and ruminate?
Answer:Women often engage in excessive rumination due to
societal expectations to prioritize relationships and emotional
connections. This tendency to dwell on problems rather than
seeking solutions can lead to anxiety and reduced confidence.
Psychologically, this behavior is compounded by social
conditioning that reinforces worry and self-doubt.

[Link]
What advantages do women's brain structures confer in
terms of multitasking and social skills?
Answer:Women tend to have more white matter in the brain,

Scan to Download
which fosters greater connectivity and the ability to integrate
emotional and cognitive processes. This allows women to
excel at multitasking and empathy, fostering collaboration
and negotiation skills that are beneficial in social and
professional contexts.

[Link]
How does testosterone affect confidence and behavior in
men and women differently?
Answer:Testosterone is linked to risk-taking and aggressive
behavior, commonly observed in men who may approach
challenges with a focus on winning. In women, higher
testosterone levels can also lead to assertiveness, but it may
diminish collaborative ability. Understanding these
differences can help women harness their strengths while
mitigating the downsides of aggressive competition.

[Link]
What is the significance of stereotype threat in women's
performance in various fields, especially STEM?
Answer:Stereotype threat occurs when individuals perform

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worse because they fear confirming negative stereotypes
about their group. For women in STEM fields, this leads to
increased anxiety and reduced performance, affecting their
overall confidence. Recognizing this phenomenon is crucial
for creating supportive environments that empower women
to engage fully and realize their potential.

[Link]
How can understanding the societal and hormonal factors
behind confidence improve women's self-assurance?
Answer:By recognizing how societal pressures, brain
differences, and hormonal influences shape their confidence,
women can approach challenges with greater
self-compassion. Understanding these external and internal
factors can help women strategize ways to build confidence,
like embracing their unique strengths, challenging
stereotypes, and fostering supportive networks.

[Link]
What practical steps can women take to overcome their
self-imposed obstacles to confidence?

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Answer:Women can work on reframing their responses to
criticism, embracing risk, and placing less importance on
being liked. Engaging in self-reflection, seeking mentorship,
and participating in assertive communication training can
also bolster confidence. Additionally, prioritizing self-care
and reducing perfectionism can create a more resilient
mindset.
Chapter 5 | 5. The New Nurture| Q&A
[Link]
What lesson did Jane learn from her mother's nurturing
style on her first day of school?
Answer:Jane learned the value of independence and
resilience. By being allowed to navigate the world on
her own at such a young age, she built confidence in
her abilities. Her mother's belief in her capabilities
equipped her with a mindset of perseverance.

[Link]
How does the chapter suggest modern parenting might
undermine confidence in children?

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Answer:The chapter suggests modern parenting often
emphasizes praise and the avoidance of failure, leading to
fragile confidence. Children are rewarded indiscriminately
rather than for real accomplishments, depriving them of
necessary experiences with adversity and risks.

[Link]
What is the significance of failure in building confidence
according to the chapter?
Answer:Failure is portrayed as a critical partner to
confidence. It is essential for building resilience and
understanding one's capabilities. Embracing failure allows
children to learn and develop a growth mindset, increasing
their ability to take risks in the future.

[Link]
How did Christine Lagarde’s upbringing contribute to
her confidence as an adult?
Answer:Christine Lagarde's upbringing involved taking on
significant responsibilities at a young age, such as
babysitting her younger brothers. This hands-off approach by

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her parents instilled a sense of accountability and
self-efficacy, enabling her to tackle challenges with
confidence.

[Link]
What role does a 'growth mindset' play in developing
confidence?
Answer:A growth mindset encourages individuals to see their
abilities as improvable through effort and learning. This
perspective fosters resilience, the willingness to take risks,
and the ability to view failures as opportunities for growth.

[Link]
What does the chapter imply about the connection
between self-esteem and external validation?
Answer:The chapter warns that basing self-esteem on
external validation can lead to stress and fragility. It
emphasizes the importance of developing internal sources of
confidence, grounded in one's own values and
accomplishments, to achieve lasting self-assurance.

[Link]
What advice does the chapter provide for overcoming

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self-doubt in women?
Answer:The chapter encourages women to challenge their
self-doubt by taking risks, volunteering for leadership
opportunities, and embracing their unique qualities.
Developing confidence comes from action and persistence
regardless of initial feelings of inadequacy.

[Link]
How can parents foster resilience in their children
according to the chapter?
Answer:Parents can foster resilience by gradually exposing
their children to risks and challenges. They should teach
children how to navigate failures constructively, celebrate
their efforts, and discuss what they learned in the process.

[Link]
What does Elaine Chao identify as critical to her
confidence and success?
Answer:Elaine Chao identifies overcoming adversity and
taking on responsibilities from a young age as critical to her
confidence and success. She emphasizes the importance of

Scan to Download
working hard to support her family and developing a strong
sense of self-reliance.

[Link]
What is the danger of overly protective parenting as
described in the chapter?
Answer:Overly protective parenting can lead to children
lacking the necessary experiences to build genuine
confidence. Without facing challenges or the possibility of
failure, children may grow up without the resilience needed
to handle real-world situations.
Chapter 6 | 6. Failing Fast and Other
Confidence-Boosting Habits| Q&A
[Link]
What does "fail fast" mean and why is it important for
building confidence?
Answer:"Fail fast" means to quickly experiment
and learn from prototypes or strategies, allowing for
rapid adjustments and movements toward what
works best. It's important for building confidence
because it encourages taking risks, learning from

Scan to Download
small failures, and preventing the fear of failure
from paralyzing progress.

[Link]
How can women embrace failure to boost their
confidence?
Answer:Women can embrace failure by viewing it as a
necessary step in the learning process. By acknowledging
that small, frequent failures are manageable and lead to
learning experiences, women can reduce the fear surrounding
failure. This converts a potentially paralyzing thought into an
opportunity for growth, leading to increased confidence.

[Link]
What is the significance of mastery in building
confidence, according to the chapter?
Answer:Mastery is significant because it provides a
foundation for self-confidence. The process of working hard,
practicing, and achieving a level of expertise in various tasks
shows us that confidence comes from competence. Engaging
in repeated practice helps to establish belief in one's abilities.

Scan to Download
[Link]
What practical steps can women take to overcome the
fear of public speaking?
Answer:Women can take practical steps such as starting with
smaller groups, preparing by practicing with a trusted friend,
re-framing their mindset to focus on the benefits for the
audience, and using power positions to project confidence.
Additionally, they can practice speaking on behalf of a team
or collective effort to shift focus away from themselves.

[Link]
How does self-compassion relate to confidence?
Answer:Self-compassion relates to confidence by providing
an emotional safety net. It allows individuals to accept their
flaws and mistakes without harsh judgment, enabling them to
take risks and recover from failures without losing
self-esteem. This acceptance fosters a more resilient and
confident mindset.

[Link]
What are some common negative automatic thoughts
(NATs) women face that undermine confidence?

Scan to Download
Answer:Common NATs include thoughts like "I’ll never
finish this project," "I shouldn’t have spent that much
money," or "I’ll look bad if I don’t succeed." These thoughts
can create a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety that diminishes
confidence.

[Link]
What advice is given to combat negative automatic
thoughts?
Answer:The advice given includes challenging NATs by
recognizing them, keeping a journal of such thoughts, and
actively reframing them into more positive or neutral
alternatives. Engaging in physical actions like tearing up
negative notes or practicing gratitude can also help change
one’s mindset.

[Link]
What is the 'center of attention syndrome' and how can
women address it to enhance their confidence?
Answer:The 'center of attention syndrome' refers to the
tendency of women to feel overly scrutinized, which can

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inhibit their confidence in social settings. Women can
address it by focusing on the task or the people they are
engaging with rather than themselves, which can help them
feel more empowered and less self-conscious.

[Link]
What role does speaking on behalf of others play in
boosting women’s confidence?
Answer:Speaking on behalf of others removes the personal
pressure and shifts the focus away from self-presentation to
the collective benefit of the group or organization. This shift
can embolden women to express their thoughts and ideas
with greater confidence.

[Link]
How can gratitude practices enhance confidence?
Answer:Practicing gratitude helps to shift focus from
negative thoughts to positive experiences, reinforcing a sense
of appreciation and positivity towards oneself and others.
This not only improves mood but also helps create a more
optimistic outlook that fosters confidence.

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[Link]
What approach should women take towards taking credit
for their accomplishments?
Answer:Women should learn to accept compliments and take
credit for their achievements without downplaying them.
Acknowledging one’s hard work is vital for building
self-confidence and affecting how others perceive them
positively.

[Link]
How can women develop confidence through shared
experiences?
Answer:Women can develop confidence through shared
experiences by engaging in supportive environments,
collaborating with others, and recognizing that many face
similar challenges. This collective experience can foster a
sense of community and reinforce self-worth and confidence.

[Link]
What strategies can help women stop ruminating and
build confidence?
Answer:Strategies include being mindful of negative

Scan to Download
thoughts, actively reframing them, engaging in
self-compassion exercises, seeking new experiences, and
focusing on actions rather than overthinking to maintain
presence and momentum.

[Link]
What is the importance of action in overcoming doubt
and building confidence?
Answer:Taking action is crucial as it bridges the gap between
fear and competence. Engaging in small, manageable actions
helps women break the cycle of doubt, reinforcing their
abilities and leading to greater confidence over time.

[Link]
How can women effectively engage in decision-making to
bolster confidence?
Answer:Women can bolster confidence in decision-making
by practicing making timely decisions, consciously taking
responsibility for outcomes, and understanding that mistakes
are learning opportunities rather than personal failures.

[Link]
What changes can women implement in their speech

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patterns to enhance their confidence?
Answer:Women can benefit from avoiding upspeak—making
statements sound like questions due to uncertainty. Instead,
they should practice making strong, declarative statements
that reflect confidence and assertiveness, reducing the
likelihood of being interrupted or undermined.

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Chapter 7 | 7. Now, Pass It On| Q&A
[Link]
What lesson can be learned from the Japanese classroom
experience with the struggling child?
Answer:The Japanese classroom experience
demonstrates the importance of viewing struggle as
an opportunity for growth, rather than a sign of
failure. While the child initially struggles to draw a
cube, he persists and ultimately succeeds, receiving
applause from his classmates. This approach fosters
resilience and confidence in children, teaching them
to embrace challenges.

[Link]
How does the author suggest we cultivate confidence in
children?
Answer:The author emphasizes that confidence can be
cultivated by allowing children to experience and overcome
struggles. This involves praising progress rather than
perfection, encouraging them to take risks, and helping them

Scan to Download
develop a belief in their ability to achieve through effort.

[Link]
What are the negative effects of overpraising children?
Answer:Overpraising children can lead to a sense of
entitlement and an unrealistic expectation of success without
effort. It can also create anxiety when they face challenges,
as they may feel that anything less than perfection is a
failure.

[Link]
What is the significance of the phrase ‘Praise Progress,
Not Perfection’?
Answer:'Praise Progress, Not Perfection' underscores the idea
that recognizing effort and improvement is more beneficial
for building confidence than expecting flawless performance.
It teaches children that success is a gradual process that
involves learning from mistakes.

[Link]
How can parents help their daughters develop confidence,
particularly in traditionally male-dominated fields like
STEM?

Scan to Download
Answer:Parents can help their daughters develop confidence
in STEM by exposing them to role models in these fields,
encouraging them to engage in related activities, and
dispelling stereotypes about gender abilities in math and
science. Creating an ongoing narrative about the importance
and relevance of these subjects is key.

[Link]
What are some practical steps parents can take to
encourage independence in their children?
Answer:Parents can encourage independence by allowing
their children to tackle small challenges, like doing their own
laundry, cooking simple meals, or managing their time. It’s
important to step back and allow children to experience the
consequences of their actions, helping them learn from their
mistakes.

[Link]
How does the author connect confidence to the
expectations parents place on their children?
Answer:The author discusses how children often feel

Scan to Download
pressured to meet their parents' expectations, which can
hinder their ability to explore their own ambitions. Parents
should encourage their children to pursue their interests and
aspirations rather than imposing their own dreams onto them.

[Link]
What role do role models play in building confidence,
particularly for girls?
Answer:Role models are crucial in building confidence, as
they provide tangible examples of what is possible. Seeing
women succeed in various fields helps girls envision
themselves in those roles, inspiring them to pursue their
goals and break through societal expectations.

[Link]
What should parents avoid saying to their daughters to
help foster confidence?
Answer:Parents should avoid overly critical comments about
behavior or performance that may discourage independence.
Phrases like 'I’m disappointed in you' should be replaced
with more constructive feedback that acknowledges effort

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and encourages personal growth.

[Link]
What is the impact of failure on confidence development,
according to the authors?
Answer:Failure plays a vital role in confidence development.
Learning to cope with and recover from failure helps build
resilience and the understanding that success often requires
perseverance. It's essential for children to learn that failure is
part of the journey toward success.
Chapter 8 | 8. The Science and the Art| Q&A
[Link]
What prompted the authors to finally open their genetic
test results from 23andMe and Genomind?
Answer:Despite their initial curiosity, the authors
hesitated to explore the potential alarming
weaknesses suggested by their genes. Eventually,
their curiosity prevailed, prompting them to open
the results.

[Link]
What surprising conclusion did the authors draw about

Scan to Download
their COMT gene testing results?
Answer:Both authors found out they had the met/met variant
of the COMT gene, indicating they are 'worriers' rather than
'warriors' – contrary to their expectations.

[Link]
How did the authors feel after discovering their
psychological gene profiles?
Answer:They felt unsettled and anxious initially, perceiving
both their genetic make-up and their performance under
stress as suboptimal.

[Link]
What reassurance did Dr. Lombard provide about the
authors' gene results?
Answer:He emphasized that genes do not determine
everything, and that the environment plays a crucial role in
turning genes on or off. He also noted that those with the
shorter serotonin transporter genes can still be vigilant and
adaptable.

[Link]
What realization did the authors come to regarding their

Scan to Download
perceived weaknesses in genetics?
Answer:They understood that their life experiences and
personal growth have significant impacts on their confidence
and that genetics do not wholly define their character or
capabilities.

[Link]
What is the key message about confidence as highlighted
in the chapter?
Answer:Confidence is not a one-size-fits-all concept; it can
manifest differently, especially among women, and can again
be influenced by one's authenticity and personal
development.

[Link]
How did the authors challenge the traditional notion of
confidence usually associated with men?
Answer:They emphasized that women can express
confidence in a way that feels authentic to them, rather than
conforming to aggressive male standards.

[Link]
What is meant by 'Dare the Difference' in the context of

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the chapter?
Answer:This phrase encourages women to embrace their
unique attributes and differences rather than conforming to
standards set by male counterparts, acknowledging that these
differences can be empowering.

[Link]
How did the metaphor of sports relate to the authors'
views on confidence?
Answer:The authors illustrated that, like in sports, confidence
comes from preparation, practice, and overcoming
challenges, underscoring that confidence is built through
personal experiences and not just innate traits.

[Link]
What encapsulates the authors' overall conclusion about
developing confidence?
Answer:They find that genuine confidence can be achieved
through self-awareness, action, and authenticity, contrary to
the limiting beliefs shaped by genetics.

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The Confidence Code Quiz and Test
Check the Correct Answer on Bookey Website

Chapter 1 | 1. It’s Not Enough to Be Good| Quiz and

Test
[Link] athletes like Monique Currie and Crystal
Langhorne do not experience self-doubt outside of
the court.
[Link] often feel the need to meet 100% of job
qualifications before applying for positions, reflecting a
confidence gap between genders.
[Link] are generally less confident in their abilities than
men, affecting their career advancements and negotiations.
Chapter 2 | 2. Do More, Think Less| Quiz and Test
[Link] is simply about feeling good or
appearing assertive.
[Link] display of confidence can be influenced by cultural
factors, such as social settings.
[Link] action does not influence one's confidence.
Chapter 3 | 3. Wired for Confidence| Quiz and Test

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[Link] is solely determined by genetic factors
with no influence from upbringing.
[Link] SLC6A4 gene is essential for serotonin regulation and
contributes to personality traits related to confidence.
[Link] confidence as an adult is impossible due to
fixed genetic traits.

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Chapter 4 | 4. “Dumb Ugly Bitches” and Other
Reasons Women Have Less Confidence| Quiz and
Test
[Link] students at the U.S. Naval Academy are
derogatorily referred to as 'DUBs', reflecting
deep-seated societal gender biases.
[Link] are socialized from a young age to be assertive and
competitive, leading to high self-confidence.
[Link] and men are judged by the same standards in
professional environments, with no difference in the
expectations placed upon them.
Chapter 5 | 5. The New Nurture| Quiz and Test
[Link] primarily develops through constant
protection and praise rather than challenges.
[Link] failure is a key factor in building resilience
and confidence according to the chapter.
[Link] parenting styles have no impact on the
development of confidence in children.
Chapter 6 | 6. Failing Fast and Other
Confidence-Boosting Habits| Quiz and Test

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[Link] quickly is presented as a strategy for
women to build confidence and should be
embraced instead of feared.
[Link] should completely avoid taking risks in social
settings to maintain their confidence.
[Link] and rewriting negative thoughts into positive
interpretations can help boost resilience and confidence in
women.

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Chapter 7 | 7. Now, Pass It On| Quiz and Test
[Link] Japan, struggling in math is viewed negatively,
implying a lack of intelligence.
[Link] children to praise their efforts rather than
perfection is essential in building confidence.
[Link] expectations have a positive effect on children's
confidence and self-esteem.
Chapter 8 | 8. The Science and the Art| Quiz and
Test
[Link] and Claire discovered that their genetic
predispositions suggested they were 'warriors'
rather than 'worriers'.
[Link] authors emphasize that confidence in women should
conform to traditional aggressive models.
[Link] predispositions are the only factors that determine
an individual's personality and confidence according to Dr.
Jay Lombard.

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