Understanding Emotional Validation Techniques
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ScribdTranslationsUnderstanding Emotional Validation Techniques
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ScribdTranslationsEMOTIONAL VALIDATION
What it is and how to practice it
["Don't worry.","It's not that serious.","You're exaggerating.","You can't get like that for"]
"It isn't worth being sad." We have all received some communications at some point.
similar to these. So, as soon as we hear them, we rush to open the little box of
tools to 'change what we feel', everyone excited, until we realize
it simply accounts for the fact that we cannot. The little box turns out to be useless, what we feel is
something that does not depend on our will. Of course, once an emotion
it has skyrocketed, we have several resources to choose how to respond to it, but
that is another story.
Emotions always have a trigger - an event that precipitates them; that does not...
Being able to identify it from the outside does not mean that the emotion arose 'out of nowhere'.
All human beings are prepared to experience all emotions.
as they are part of the evolutionary development of our species and serve a function. In
In this sense, there is no such thing as 'good' or 'bad' emotions, 'right' or 'wrong' ones.
"incorrect". Let's say it from the start: all the emotions that I experienced a
personas are always valid and make sense.
It goes without saying that most of the time when someone tells us 'don't worry,'
"It's nothing" is trying to help, to calm, to relieve. Its intentions are good.
but it will probably have the opposite effect: making us feel wrong and
let us be alone. We call this invalidation: communicating to the other that you feel it is
incorrect, that he should feel differently, that what is happening to him is not understandable.
Basically, what lies behind invalidating communication is the NON-ACCEPTANCE.
of the emotional experience of the other.
EMOTIONAL VALIDATION: A strategy of acceptance.
Probably one of the greatest contributions of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)
has been the inclusion of Validation as one of the central strategies of
treatment. In fact, it is a therapy that stimulates the presence of a 'dialectic'
entre estrategias de validación (aceptación) y estrategias de cambio, mientras que la
most of the psychotherapies we know are mainly focused on
change only.
The validation by the therapist involves, in summary, communicating to the
patient whose emotional responses make sense and are understandable within their
history and/or current context (Linehan, 1993). The therapist accepts the emotions of
patient and communicates this acceptance to them. Accepting them implies identifying those responses.
take them seriously, without neglecting or trivializing them, with a non-judgmental attitude and
describing them in a non-pejorative way.
Basically, when a DBT therapist uses emotional validation strategies, they
What does it do? It does one of these four things (or several at once):
1. Offers opportunities for emotional expression: the therapist listens,
clarify and validate emotions without judging them, giving them space. This implies
instead of trying to control the patient's emotions–trying to calm them
emotions quickly send the message that they are something that shouldn't be
being there, something to get rid of, just the opposite of what
it is attempted when validating.
2. Teach skills for identifying and labeling emotions: invite to
observe carefully what is being experienced, to identify the
components of emotion (triggers, bodily sensations, impulses)
to take action) and to be able to name them.
3. Read the emotions: for this it is necessary for the therapist to know the
patient and familiar with their culture and context. Reading emotions
it implies that with few elements - such as the precipitating event or certain
body posture - the therapist can realize what the emotion is that
the patient may be feeling and communicate it as a hypothesis. This
it is almost always validating as it communicates that the emotional response of
the patient is normal and understandable.
4. Communicate the validity of the emotion: the therapist communicates that this
emotional experience is understandable. There are two types of understanding
what it can communicate. The first is to communicate that the majority of the
people would respond to the triggering situation of the emotion itself
way. The second is to convey that the emotion is understandable given its
past learning experiences - even when others would have
reacted differently, it is understandable within that context.
Validation in everyday life
We can define validation as a practice of deep acceptance of
the emotions of the other without judging, without advising, without trying to change anything in that
moment. When we validate, we corroborate the importance of what the other feels.
person and we take it as something legitimate. In short: we communicate that we
import your experience.
We don't have to agree to validate, nor think that we would react.
Similarly, it is not necessary for us to find the emotional response of the other logical. If
we assume that all emotional responses are the result of a story of
learning and a particular context, we can understand that they are always valid,
even if we do not fully understand that particular answer.
We have very good reasons to practice validation with the people we have.
around us. Validation builds trust and increases intimacy in the
bonds, decreases the feeling of isolation and encourages the other to experience and
accept your emotions.
The practice of validation often also leads to an increase in the ability to
emotional self-validation. We respect the emotions of others and also the
own, accepting them as part of the experience of being human.
How do we practice it?
1) Paying attention, listening to the other, looking into their eyes: Listening to what they say
carefully observe their gestures, their tone of voice, their body posture; be attentive to what
that the other expresses without thinking about the response you will give.
2) Accepting with an open mind the emotional experience of the other: Whatever it may be
the emotion you are feeling is your emotion, and it can even be painful but that is
parte de la condición humana. Es importante hacer lugar a todas las emociones, todas
they have a meaning. When we validate, we confirm the importance of what one feels.
another person and we take it as something legitimate.
3) Identify the emotions of the other and give an empathetic response without
advising: Advising implies that something in the situation must change, it shows that we
it is difficult to tolerate the presence of emotional experience. If the other person has not asked
giving advice can be disabling as it may reveal that we consider that
the other one does not know how to solve his problems.
4) Offer companionship: Offer to stay by their side during the emotional experience;
if you're not sure that this is what the other wants, you can ask if they want to be alone,
if you want to talk about it or if there is something specific you can do at that moment. It is
It is important not to make judgments or evaluations in those moments and to be willing to give.
not what one thinks is better but what is better from the perspective of the other.
One of the reasons we find it so difficult to validate the emotions of others is the
anxiety we feel to help him feel better – and, in the process, feel better ourselves
us. We find it difficult to make room for emotions, especially when they are painful or
displaces us. It hurts us that the other one is hurting, that they are sad, that they are angry and we
It's hard to endure being there just to accompany. But the risk of wanting to drown
quick those emotions is high, we could teach unknowingly that emotions
painful things shouldn't be there, when in reality they are an unavoidable part of life and
we could be communicating that the other does not know how to live a life without pain, the
what is really an unattainable goal.
To conclude: there are no 'positive' emotional experiences without the 'negative' ones. Whoever
is not willing to feel and accept the pain little by little loses the ability to
to experience happiness and joy (Luciano Soriano & Salas, 2006). In this sense, one
One of the best gifts we can offer is to give space to the emotions of others– and to
the own ones-, those that may be, because they all contain some truth and meaning and
they deserve to be fully experienced.