MODERN FAMILY

"Run For Your Wife"

Written by Paul Corrigan &

Brad Walsh #1ARG01

SHOOTING DRAFT

8-6-09 FULL
8-7-09 BLUE Pages 17, 17A, 19-20B, 21-25A, 26-28
8-11-09 PINK Pages 4-5, 13-14, 18-20, 24-25, 27-28

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. COPYRIGHT (c)2009 TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM CORPORATION. NO
PORTION OF THIS SCRIPT MAY BE PERFORMED, PUBLISHED, REPRODUCED, SOLD, OR
DISTRIBUTED BY ANY MEANS OR QUOTES OR PUBLISHED IN ANY MEDIUM, INCLUDING ANY
WEBSITE, WITHOUT PRIOR WRITTEN CONSENT OF TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX FILM CORPORATION.
DISPOSAL OF THIS SCRIPT COPY DOES NOT ALTER ANY OF THE RESTRICTIONS SET FORTH
ABOVE.

"Run For Your Wife" #1ARG01

CAST

JAY PRITCHETT...........................................ED O'NEILL GLORIA

PRITCHETT-DELGADO............................SOPHIA VERGARA PHIL
DUNPHY.............................................TY BURRELL
CLAIRE DUNPHY..........................................JULIE BOWEN MITCHELL
PRITCHETT............................JESSE TYLER FERGUSON
CAMERON TUCKER....................................ERIC STONESTREET

HALEY DUNPHY..........................................SARAH HYLAND

ALEX DUNPHY...........................................ARIEL WINTER

LUKE DUNPHY............................................NOLAN GOULD

MANNY DELGADO.......................................RICO RODRIGUEZ LILY. TBD

GUEST CAST

DR. MIURA............................................SUZY NAKAMURA

* OPERATOR (V.O.). TBD

"Run For Your Wife" SETS

INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM INT. DUNPHY'S CAR
INT. JAY & GLORIA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN INT. JAY & GLORIA'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM
INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON'S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM INT. PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE - EXAM
ROOM
INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY

EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FRONT YARD EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - STREET EXT. PARKING LOT

ACT ONE
1 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING 1
Claire darts around the kitchen getting everything ready. Haley stuffs books in her
backpack while Phil drinks a cup of coffee.

CLAIRE
(to Haley)
Okay, your brother's lunch is packed. You're buying your own lunch.
(realizing) Where's Alex?

LUKE (O.S.)
Help!

A panicked Luke enters with a notebook.

LUKE (CONT'D)
What was I doing on July fifteenth?

PHIL
Why?

LUKE
I was supposed to keep a journal all summer. It's due today.

CLAIRE
Wow, school hasn't even started and you're already behind.

PHIL
(laughs, then) Burn.
2 PHIL AND CLAIRE INTERVIEW 2

CLAIRE
Getting everybody out the door in the morning is tough -- especially on the first
day of school.
PHIL
From the moment we get up at seven until we drop them off at school, it is go, go,
go.

After a beat...

CLAIRE
I get up at six.

PHIL
That's you? I thought we had a raccoon.
3 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 3

Alex enters laboring to carry a very heavy backpack, lacrosse stick and pads, and a
cello case.

PHIL
Honey, are you moving out?

ALEX
Five more years. A little help here?

CLAIRE
This is why we suggested the violin.

ALEX
The cello is more in demand in university orchestras.

HALEY
You know what's not in demand? Girls who play in university orchestras.

PHIL
I'll help you bring it out to the curb.

He takes the lacrosse stick, leaving her with the two heaviest things.

4 OMITTED 4

5 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS 5

CLAIRE
Phil, put on some pants.

REVEAL that Phil is still in boxers.

PHIL
Come on, this covers more than my bathing suit.

CLAIRE
Which is a whole other discussion. Haley, don't forget, the driving instructor is
picking you up from school.

HALEY
Can't he pick me up someplace else? I don't want kids at school thinking I'm dating
a forty-year-old driving instructor who's not even cute.

6 PHIL AND CLAIRE INTERVIEW 6

CLAIRE
Haley just got her learner's permit.

PHIL
We've been taking turns driving with her.

CLAIRE
It makes you realize we're all hanging by a thread.

7 INT. DUNPHY'S CAR - DAY 7

Haley is driving with Claire. They both look scared.

CLAIRE
Merge... merge...
(more and more emphatic) Merge! Merge! MERGE!

HALEY
You're freaking me out!

8 INT. DUNPHY'S CAR - DAY

JUMP CUT TO:

Haley is driving with Phil. Phil is fiddling with something on the dashboard.

PHIL
The navigation system is all messed up. It thinks we're in a park.
(looks up, reacts)
Oh my God, it is a park! Away from the kids! Aim for the lake!
9 INT. JAY AND GLORIA'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - MORNING 9

Jay fills up a travel mug with coffee. Gloria is there.

GLORIA
I can't believe my little boy is going into the fifth grade.
(indicates)
(MORE)

GLORIA (CONT'D)
He used to hold onto my finger with his little hands and look at me with those big
eyes and--
(near tears) Mi ni�o pequi�o.

JAY
Yup, they grow up. (then, calling off)
Manny, let's get going.
Manny enters from upstairs. He wears a colorful poncho with a South American
pattern.

MANNY
How's my hair?

JAY
Hold on. What are you wearing there? It looks like an old Christmas tree skirt.

MANNY
It's a traditional Colombian poncho. I want my classmates to know I'm proud of my
heritage.

As Manny crosses out:

GLORIA
I think he looks very handsome.

JAY
Really? Am I driving him to school or is he just going to take his burro

GLORIA
Hey. The last thing Manny needs on his first day of school is you undertaking his
confidence.

JAY *
I'm sorry, but there's only two places * people should wear ponchos: Niagara
Falls and log rides.

GLORIA
You worry too much about all of this. I wear all sorts of daring outfits and people
admire them because I do it with confidence.

She heads out to the garage, Jay following behind her.

JAY
Yeah, I'm sure it's your confidence they're admiring.*10 OMITTED1011 INT.
MITCHELL AND CAMERON'S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - DAY11Cameron enters, carrying Lily.
Mitchell, dressed for work, is wrapping padding around the glass-topped coffee
table.
CAMERON
(to Lily)
You are a cutie. Yes, you are. (noticing Mitchell)
Are you still baby-proofing?

MITCHELL
Everything we own is pointy. (noticing Lily)
Why is our daughter dressed like Donna Summer?

We REVEAL that Lily is in a sequined evening gown and Afro wig. Some photography
equipment is nearby.

CAMERON
She is not Donna Summer. She's clearly Diana Ross from the RCA years. How are you
not seeing that?

MITCHELL
I thought you were done with this.

CAMERON
I made no such promise.
12 MITCHELL AND CAMERON INTERVIEW 12
CAMERON
We received, as a baby gift from one of our friends, an adorable baby wig and
outfit that made for a great picture and it gave me the idea to dress Lily as
various pop icons. I've done Olivia Newton John...

INSERT: We see a photo of Lily in eighties workout clothes and wearing a headband.

CAMERON (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Madonna, the early years...

INSERT: Lily is dressed as early eighties Madonna with lacy gloves and lots of
necklaces.

CAMERON (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Stevie Wonder...

INSERT: Lily wears a suit and big sunglasses.

CAMERON (CONT'D)
It's sort of taken on a life of it's own. There's talk of a coffee table book.

MITCHELL
Who's talking?

13 INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON'S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 13

The guys are where we left them.

MITCHELL
I just think this might be a little over-the-top.

CAMERON
You know what your problem is? You need to loosen up and have fun.

MITCHELL
I'm loose. I'm fun. Remember last week? Breakfast for dinner. That was my idea.

CAMERON
You've been tense ever since we brought Lily home. All you do is put child locks on
things and read parenting books. Here, hold your daughter. Relax.

Cameron hands Lily to Mitchell.

MITCHELL
Is she wearing eye shadow?

Cameron crosses to the stereo and puts on some music.

CAMERON
Dance with her.
MITCHELL
I can't, I'm late for work.

Cameron joins Lily and Mitchell. He sways with them. Mitchell doesn't sway.

CAMERON
Come on, you know you love this song.

MITCHELL
It is a good song.

Mitchell starts to sway a little bit.

CAMERON
There you go.

Cameron breaks away as Mitchell and Lily dance around the room.

MITCHELL
Okay... Big finish, and --

Mitchell turns toward a door frame and accidentally bonks Lily on the head.
Mitchell stops smiling.

CAMERON
Was that her head?

MITCHELL
If it was her head, I think she'd be -- Lily starts to cry.
MITCHELL (CONT'D)
Yeah, it was her head.

END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO

14 INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON'S DUPLEX - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS14

LATER

Mitchell is with Lily when Cameron enters from the kitchen.

CAMERON
I got boo-boo bear from the freezer.

MITCHELL
Why do you have chocolate on your face?

CAMERON
It was under a pie.

MITCHELL
So, you ate your way to it?

CAMERON
I did what I had to do.
Cameron places the cold pack on Lily's head.

MITCHELL
Do you think she's okay?

CAMERON
She didn't cry that much.

MITCHELL
Maybe that's a bad sign. Let's try to make her laugh.

CAMERON
Why?

MITCHELL
That's how we'll know she's fine. Where's doggy?

Mitchell searches and finds a stuffed dog. He holds the dog up so Lily can see it.

MITCHELL (CONT'D)
Moo.

CAMERON
But it's a dog.

MITCHELL
I know. That's why it's funny. (back to Lily)
Moo.

Lily does not respond.

CAMERON
I'm not sure this is as funny as you think it is. Let's just call your sister.

MITCHELL
Yeah right, so she can be all judgmental and condescending -- like she's the expert
and we don't know how to take care of a baby.

CAMERON
Mitchell, she's family. Of course she's going to be judgmental and condescending.

Cameron hands Mitchell the phone.

15 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN/MITCHELL & CAMERON'S DUPLEX - 15
CONTINUOUS
Claire is making herself a cup of tea when the phone rings.
CLAIRE
Hello.

We can go to SPLIT SCREEN or cut back and forth as necessary.

MITCHELL
Hey, not a big deal -- just wondering. When your kids were small did you ever, I
don't know... smack their heads into a wall?

CLAIRE
We usually just gave them time-outs.
MITCHELL
No, accidentally. We just kind of bonked Lily's head. It wasn't really that hard,
and she isn't acting different, but --

CLAIRE
Relax. It happens. Luke used to hit his head all the time and he's fine.

MITCHELL
Thanks for your help.

Mitchell covers the phone and turns to Cameron.

MITCHELL (CONT'D)
We've got to take her to the doctor.
16 PHIL INTERVIEW 16
PHIL
The first day of school is hard on stay-at-home moms. The kids are gone and the
nest is empty. The silence can be deafening.
17 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 17
Claire curls up with her tea and a book in a peaceful house.
18 PHIL INTERVIEW - RESUMES 18

PHIL
A lot of guys wouldn't even notice, but I'm not a lot of guys. I listen. If you pay
attention, women will tell you what they want.
(then)
Or the opposite of what they want. (then)
Or where stuff goes.

19 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY 19

Claire is reading when Phil enters.

PHIL
Whatcha reading there? A book?

CLAIRE
Yeah. I've been meaning to get to it for a while.

Phil reads over Claire's shoulder.

PHIL
Ooh, it has a map at the beginning. I like when books do that.

CLAIRE
I thought you had an open house this morning.

PHIL
I rescheduled. Thought you might like some company.

Phil flops down on the couch next to her.

CLAIRE
I'm good. I'm kind of looking forward to a quiet day. I'll probably go for a run a
little later, but that's about it.

PHIL
Great. We can run together.

CLAIRE
You don't have to do that.

PHIL
I know.
20 PHIL INTERVIEW 20
Phil cocks his ear toward the camera. After a long beat...
PHIL
Listening.

21 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 21

CLAIRE
The thing is I kind of like to run alone. Besides, I run pretty fast.

PHIL
So?

CLAIRE
Um... I'm just not sure you'll be able to keep up.

PHIL
(laughs, then) You're kidding, right?

CLAIRE
No.

PHIL
You think I won't be able to keep up with you?

CLAIRE
You barely seem able to keep up with this conversation.

PHIL
I think you're forgetting that I power walk every day with my poles.

22 EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - STREET - DAY 22

INSERT FOOTAGE: Phil is power walking with two hiking poles and wearing MBT
trainers with big, rounded soles.
PHIL (V.O.)
And I wear my special shoes with the big soles, which were designed by a doctor.
23 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS 23
CLAIRE
I know. But I run everyday.
PHIL
You really think you can run as fast as me?
CLAIRE
No. I think I can run much, much faster.
24 PHIL INTERVIEW 24
PHIL
Boom. Just like that, the whole day changed. It was game on. I knew it. She knew
it. We both knew it.
25 CLAIRE INTERVIEW 25
CLAIRE
I just want to read.
26 INT. JAY AND GLORIA'S HOUSE - DAY 26
Jay is coming down the stairs, dressed for work wearing a very large watch.

JAY
Honey, have you seen my other watch, the big one?

He runs into Gloria who is holding up the poncho.

JAY (CONT'D)
No, that's not it.
(starts to turn around) I'll check upstairs.

GLORIA
Jay Pritchett, what is this?

JAY
Looks like Manny's poncho.

GLORIA
Why was it in your car?

JAY
He decided to take it off on the way to school.

26A

26B

GLORIA
What did you say to him?

JAY
I said nothing.

GLORIA
You said plenty with your nothing. Manny looks up to you. He respects your opinion.

JAY
Trust me, we dodged a bullet here. I've been down this road before.

JAY INTERVIEW

JAY
Growing up, my son Mitch danced to his own beat. Unfortunately, he performed this
dance down the halls of his school wearing what he called a "jaunty scarf".

INT. JAY AND GLORIA'S HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

JAY
Kids can be cruel. I don't want to see Manny go through what happened to Mitch.

26A

26B

GLORIA
Manny can take care of himself.

JAY
So could Mitch, but do you know how hard it is watching your kid come home upset
all the time? It's no picnic.

GLORIA
So we should crush his spirit and
destroy everything that makes him who *
he is? *
JAY
Great, we're on the same page. (off her look)
Aw, come on. Don't be mad. Tell you what, I'll take the afternoon off.
Let's go to the club, get a nice lunch, some massages...

GLORIA
No. We are taking this poncho to Manny at school, because it is important that he
knows you support
him. *
(beat)
And then we'll get massages, because that sounded good.

27 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - A SHORT TIME LATER 27

Claire is happily organizing her desk when suddenly Phil pops his head in.

PHIL
I always take stairs two at a time. I don't even think about it anymore.
It's muscle memory. The regular way would feel weird.

CLAIRE
Phil, let it go. I'm faster than you.

PHIL
If only there was some way we could settle this once and for all. But how.

Huh.

(thinks for a beat)

CLAIRE

You seriously want to race me? I ran a half-marathon last year.

PHIL
Wow. I'm half-scared. Claire's patience wears thin.
CLAIRE
You know what? You're right -- we do have to do this. I'll go get changed.

PHIL
Not now. I have to return some work calls. How about we do it after that?

CLAIRE
Fine. This afternoon.

PHIL
Coolio.

We stay on Claire as Phil goes upstairs.

PHIL (O.S.) (CONT'D)

Two at a time, two at a time, two at a time. Already at the top!
28 INT. PEDIATRICIAN'S OFFICE - EXAM ROOM - DAY 28

Cameron holds Lily. Mitchell is there. DR. MIURA, an Asian- American woman, enters.
DR. MIURA
Hi, I'm Dr. Miura. I'm on call today. (re: chart)
Looks like we have a little head bump.

MITCHELL
It happened a couple hours ago. On a door jamb.

DR. MIURA
Ouch.

Dr. Miura takes a look at Lily's head.

DR. MIURA (CONT'D)

There doesn't seem to be any mark.

CAMERON
Well, her head was somewhat protected.

DR. MIURA
Protected? Was she wearing a hat?

MITCHELL
(quickly) Yes, like a hat.

Dr. Miura looks confused. Mitchell and Cameron exchange a look.

CAMERON
It was a wig. Sort of a ghetto fabulous Afro thing.
(off Mitchell's look)
I thought it might be medically relevant.

MITCHELL
Really? You thought "ghetto fabulous" might be medically relevant.

DR. MIURA
Maybe I should just finish the exam.

Dr. Miura continues examining Lily on the table.

CAMERON
By the way, you'll be pleased to know that Mitchell and I intend to raise Lily with
influences from her Asian heritage.

Dr. Miura couldn't care less.

DR. MIURA
That's uh... great. Has there been any vomiting since the head bump?

CAMERON
No.
(then)
We've hung some Asian art in her bedroom. And, when she's ready for solid food,
there is a great little pho place close to our house.
(pronounced "fuh")
Am I saying that right? Pho? It's a soup.
DR. MIURA
I don't know. I'm from Denver. We don't have a lot of pho there.

Mitchell interjects, still worried.

MITCHELL
She hasn't laughed since the head bump. I showed her a stuffed dog and said "Moo"
and she just stared at me... kind of like you're doing.
(aside, to Cameron) Maybe it's a cultural thing.

DR. MIURA
Just to be safe, show me how hard Lily got hit. Use your head.

MITCHELL
Um... okay.

Mitchell gets close to the nearest wall.

MITCHELL (CONT'D)
I guess it was something like this.

Mitchell hits his own head against the wall. Dr. Miura considers this for a moment.

DR. MIURA
Can I see that again? Mitchell hits his head again.
DR. MIURA (CONT'D)
How are you feeling?

MITCHELL
Fine.

DR. MIURA
So is Lily. Babies are designed to survive new parents. Stop worrying. You guys are
doing great.

She heads for the door.

CAMERON

Thank you.

Cameron bows.

Denver. Dr. Miura exits.

DR. MIURA

END OF ACT TWO

29 OMITTED

ACT THREE

29

30 INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - DAY 30

Jay and Gloria are walking down the hall carrying the poncho.

JAY
I'm not seeing a lot of ponchos, which means either kids don't wear them or the
kids that do wear them disappear.

GLORIA
We're doing the right thing.

They run into Luke and a couple of his friends. Luke stops, the friends keep going.

LUKE
Hey, Grandpa. Hey, Gloria.

Hey, Lukey.

JAY

LUKE

What are you guys doing here?

GLORIA
We're just bringing Manny his poncho. I'll get him.

She crosses to Manny's classroom.

JAY
Look, there might be a little blow- back on this poncho thing. Maybe you could
stick up for him a little.

Luke looks over the poncho, then...

LUKE
I need a note.

JAY
What?

LUKE
I was supposed to do an assignment over the summer. I need you to write a note to
buy me some time.

Jay considers this for a second, then...

JAY
Yeah, I'll do that. *

Luke runs off to catch up with his friends.

31 OMITTED 31

32 INT. MIDDLE SCHOOL - HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS 32

Jay joins Gloria at Manny's classroom door.

GLORIA
Years from now, Manny will never remember that a few friends teased him, he'll only
remember that his parents support him. That's the most important thing.

Manny comes out to join them.

MANNY
Is something wrong? Who has died?

GLORIA
No one, Manny.

JAY
Why would you even think that?

GLORIA
In Colombia, Manny went to Pablo Escobar Elementary School. If you got pulled out
of class, it was to identify a body.

JAY
We've got your poncho here.

MANNY
I thought you said it made me look like my neck was wearing a dress.

Gloria reacts.

JAY
That was just a joke. Here you go.

Jay offers him the poncho. Manny puts it on. He reaches

into the poncho's pocket and takes out a South American pan* flute.

MANNY
Oh good, it's still in the pocket.

JAY
Whatcha got there, buddy? *

MANNY
My pan flute. I'm going to play some Colombian folk music for my new classmates.
JAY
Huh... great.

Gloria bends down to get closer to Manny.

GLORIA
I have never been more proud of you. I'm sure all the kids will love it.

She gives Manny a kiss on the forehead, then turns to Jay.

GLORIA (CONT'D)
(sotto, to Jay) Break the flute.

What?

(sotto)

JAY

GLORIA

The poncho is bad enough, but you add * that horrible flute and that weird
dance he does when he plays it, he'll be a laughing stork.

JAY
He does a dance?

Gloria shudders. Jay nods and turns back to Manny.

JAY (CONT'D)
Hey, Sport, can I take a look at that whistle of yours?

Manny hands Jay the flute. Jay drops it. It breaks.

JAY (CONT'D)
Oh, darn it. Look at that.

GLORIA
And now you stepped on it! Jay gets the hint and steps on it.
JAY
Oh, jeez, what's wrong with me?

32A

EXT. PARKING LOT - LATER

Cameron and Mitchell arrive at their car. Mitchell is carrying Lily. Cameron opens
the door for Mitchell to load her in, but Mitchell stops.

MITCHELL
Maybe you should do this.

CAMERON

32A

Why?

MITCHELL
I don't want to bump her head against the door or pinch her with the seat belt.

CAMERON
Mitchell, how long are you going to beat yourself up over one mistake? Is this
going to be like the blonde highlights all over again?

MITCHELL
It's just... I think I suck at being a father.

CAMERON
What are you talking about? We're new at this.

MITCHELL
Except that you're like a natural at this. You walk in the room and she lights up.
You can change a diaper with one hand. Nice, huh, I'm actually jealous of you.

CAMERON
But you do so many things I don't do. You baby-proofed our entire house.
You took care of all the adoption paperwork. Without you, we wouldn't even have a
baby to injure.

MITCHELL
It was just a few forms...

CAMERON
Which I couldn't make any sense out of. And you got us on those preschool waiting
lists.

MITCHELL
I still can't believe you were going to wait until she was "old enough."

Cameron tosses in the diaper bag, effortlessly snaps Lily's car seat in, and closes
the door.

CAMERON
See, that's what makes us a great team. We have different strengths. Who are
amazing parents?

MITCHELL
We are.

CAMERON
I didn't hear you.

MITCHELL
We are.

CAMERON
Don't you forget it.

MITCHELL
Okay. I think we just locked our baby in the car.

They furiously shake the door handles.

CAMERON
Don't worry, Lily! We got this!

MITCHELL
Let's not panic.

CAMERON
I won't. I won't.
33 EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FRONT YARD - DAY 33
Phil and Claire are on the front lawn, both dressed for a run. Phil wears a long
sleeve shirt over a t-shirt. He stretches out with some deep lunges. He's wearing
big headphones, cranking up a high-energy song for motivation. He takes off the
headphones.
PHIL
What?
CLAIRE
I didn't say anything.

PHIL
I couldn't hear ya. I'm cranking a little Carole King.

Alex and Luke get dropped off by their carpool and approach.

PHIL (CONT'D)
Hey, there they are. How was your first day back in prison?

LUKE
Fine. What are you guys doing?

PHIL
Your mom and I are gonna race to the mailbox on Sequoia and back.

ALEX

Why?

CLAIRE
(Phil's an idiot)

I don't know.

PHIL
Oh she knows. As soon as I'm done kicking a little mom butt here, how about I
school you in some Mario Kart.

LUKE
Can't. I gotta work on my journal.

PHIL
No problem.
(to Alex) Alex?

ALEX
I have a history paper.

Alex and Luke cross toward the house.

PHIL
Well, if you wanna see a little history being made right here, you can
-- okay.

Phil watches the kids leave then turns back to Claire.

PHIL (CONT'D)

Ready? Are you?

CLAIRE

PHIL
I was born ready. I came outta the womb wearing --

CLAIRE
Go.

Claire takes off running. Phil dashes after.

34

34A

OMITTED

EXT. PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER

34

34A

Cameron is in hysterics, holding a garbage can over his head. Mitchell screams into
his cell phone.

CAMERON
I'm breaking the window!
OPERATOR (V.O.) *
Emergency Assistance. This is Trina. *

MITCHELL
Help! We locked our baby in the car and people are judging us!

CAMERON
I'm breaking it. I swear to God!

MITCHELL
Don't break the window you'll get glass on her.

OPERATOR (V.O.) *
Sir, please tell your wife to relax. Everything is going to be okay.

MITCHELL
That's a man.

OPERATOR (V.O.) *
Really?

CAMERON
(high-pitched)
Lily! Lily! Daddy's coming to get you.

OPERATOR (V.O.) *
Sir, we just sent the signal. The doors should be unlocked now.

MITCHELL
Check the doors.

CAMERON
It's not unlocked! It's not -- Oh. That's amazing.

35 EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - STREET - MOMENTS LATER 35

Claire and Phil are mid-race. Claire is winning easily. She is neither breathing
hard nor sweating. Phil is a mess, so much so that he peels off his top layer
revealing a t-shirt underneath on which is a picture of Phil goofing around with
the kids with the caption, "World's Best Dad".

PHIL
I'm just saving my energy, drafting off of you. You feeling cocky?

Claire turns towards Phil.

CLAIRE
Yes.

PHIL
That's my plan.

Claire notices Phil's shirt.

36 CLAIRE INTERVIEW

36

CLAIRE

I run five miles a day. I have a resting heart rate of forty-eight. I would never
lose a two mile race to Johnny Ski Pole. But after seeing the look on Phil's face
when the kids came home from school and then seeing that shirt, I realized
something. The first day of school is a big adjustment for all of us, but it's
especially hard on Phil.

37 EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - STREET - MOMENTS LATER 37

Claire is comfortably ahead. She glances over her shoulder at Phil and after a
beat, lets him pass.
PHIL
And down the stretch he goes.
38 EXT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FRONT YARD - MOMENTS LATER 38
Phil makes it back to the house first and begins his victory celebration.

38A

PHIL
(out of breath)
Daddy wins! Daddy wins! U-S-A! U-S--

SMACK! Phil is struck by a Driver's Ed car that has pulled into the driveway too
fast. Inside the car:

HALEY
What was that? Was that a person?

CLAIRE
Oh my God. Phil!

Phil pops into frame or at least part of him does.

PHIL
I'm okay. I'm okay. U-S-A!

OMITTED

38A

38B

CLAIRE INTERVIEW

CLAIRE

38B

38C

Did I lose the race to cheer him up? Maybe.

INT. JAY & GLORIA'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - EVENING

38C

We see Jay and Gloria suffering through a pan flute * performance. The flute has
been taped together. Manny wears * a poncho and dances. *
CLAIRE (V.O.)
We do strange things for our loved ones. Lie to them, lie for them.

Gloria and Jay feign enthusiasm. Jay surreptitiously takes a big drink of his wine.

38D

INT. MITCHELL & CAMERON'S DUPLEX - LILY'S ROOM - NIGHT

Mitchell, up late at night, watching Lily sleep, with love and concern.

38D

38E

38F

CLAIRE (V.O.)
There might be some bumps along the way, but we never stop wanting the best for
them. And that's what makes it such a tough job...

CLAIRE INTERVIEW

CLAIRE
...And kind of the best job in the world.

INT. DUNPHY'S CAR - DAY

All of the Dunphys are in the car. Haley is driving. It's all going well, until
something goes wrong and they all scream in horror.

38E

38F
39-47

OMITTED

39-47

END OF ACT THREE

TAG
48 INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN/LIVING ROOM - EVENING 48

Claire is standing in front of the open refrigerator still in her running outfit.
Phil, now dressed nicely, walks up behind her and kisses her on the back of the
neck.

CLAIRE
What was that for?

PHIL
I just love you, that's all.

CLAIRE
I love you, too.

PHIL
I was thinking we could all go to Genero's. Get the kids some pizza.

CLAIRE
I don't know. I'm kinda gross. I don't feel like getting all dressed now.

PHIL
If you want, we can go and bring you back one of those chopped salads you like.

CLAIRE
Huh. That sounds pretty good, actually. I can read my book.

PHIL
Oh, that cool book with the map? What is that thing like six-hundred pages?

CLAIRE
About.

PHIL
Huh. How fast do you think you can read something like that?

END OF SHOW *