VALIDATION

Why is validation important?

Validation fosters communication.

Conflicts and strong emotions reduce or block communication. The
Validation opens the possibility for dialogue.

Validation builds trust.

The experience of having someone who listens and accepts the expression of the
own emotions create trust and intimacy in the bond.

Validation generates self-esteem.

A low level of self-esteem interferes with the ability to enjoy life and
to have good personal relationships. Listening and accepting the other develops
self-confidence in one's emotions and perceptions.

Validation decreases the feeling of isolation.

With validation, someone is accompanied in their emotional pain and can
tolerate it a little longer. The feeling of isolation often worsens the
emotional pain and activates negative emotions.

Validation encourages the other to experience and accept their feelings.

The acceptance of emotions is a way of not adding more suffering.
to the existing pain.

Validation lowers the emotional activation of the other.

Emotional activation persists or increases when someone needs to insist.
porque el otro no escucha, no entiende, niega, ignora, o presume que el
another is wrong.

What does it mean to validate?

Validation is a deep act of acceptance of the responses.

emotional of the other.
You don't have to say anything to validate someone. At the most basic level and
Deep down, validation is an attitude of accepting what the other person feels without
judgments, without advice, without intentions to change.

Validation is the recognition of the emotions and feelings of the other.

as authentic and legitimate perceptions.
Validation requires mindful observation of the other person.

Validation is the confirmation and corroboration of the importance and relevance.

of what the other person feels.
Higher-level validation includes words and gestures that communicate
that the feelings of the other are important and relevant to their experience.

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores

Self-validation is everything seen so far directed towards oneself.
Self-validation is a very important skill to reduce the
negative emotions or decrease the need for approval from others.

Specifically, the validation is:

• Accepting the other and their current state through observation and empathy
Empathy is the ability to imagine what the other feels.
• Escuchar al otro atentamente y prestarle atención
• Describe what is observed (instead of judging or criticizing)

Remember what validation is not:

• It is not about giving praise, comfort, or solutions.
• It is not necessary to understand or comprehend what someone is feeling to
to validate them. It is only enough to accept what someone is feeling.
• It is not necessary to know the reasons that led her to her current state.
emotional.
• It is not necessary to agree or disagree with the perceptions of
someone to validate it.
• One should not react to a situation in the same way as someone else.
To validate him/her. The emotional response of each person is always valid.
•
• HOW Is It Validated? V A L I D A T E...

V See and listen to the other.

See and listen to everything the other communicates. Observe the body,
the gestures, the face, the environmental context of the other. Listen to the
tone of voice and what it says. Try to pay attention exclusively to
what the other expresses, without thinking about what you will respond.
extremely sensitive people will feel your lack of attention
like a rejection.

A Accept with an open mind everything that the other feels.

Completely accept the emotional condition of the other–
any emotion I have. It's his emotion. It can be
painful, but experiencing it is a condition of being human.

L Limit one's defensive reactions.

When the other is expressing anger and one feels attacked, the
defensive response is useless. The urge to defend oneself is very
strong, but it is not effective. It is important that you understand that the
accusations and insults from a person with anger come from anger.
Imagine that it is anger speaking through the person. Remember.
that this person wouldn't say the same thing when they are calm. It's useful

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores

 treat anger with validation. After a prolonged time and
when the other person is calmer, you can talk about the
accusations.

I Identifying the emotions of others.

Learn to identify the emotion that the person is feeling in
that moment. Some people cannot recognize or
name your own emotions. Try to identify the emotion of
another and put words to what you hear and see in form
respectful and affectionate.
I see that you are very angry now.
I see you sad. What made you this way?
I think you are very worried.

D Give an empathetic response, without advising.

Treat the other with respect and kindness. Resist the temptation to
to advise - it is equivalent to saying that the other does not have the
ability to solve their own problems. Almost always the
advice is invalidating.

A Accompany the other.

Try to imagine what the other person needs in that
moment. Offer to stay with the person during their discomfort.
If you are not sure what the other wants, ask them:
Would you like to talk about that?
Is there anything I can do to help you feel better?
better?
“Me parece que eso es un tema muy importante. Te
It seems that we dedicate some time of the session to it.
R Reflect what the other says.
Be a mirror – Reflect what the other says and repeat what you understood.
in your own words. Clarify what you heard and what
You understood. Be respectful to others. If I understand correctly,
You mean... 'Check if I understand you. The kids did..'

What You Should Not Do

Do not give answers with intense emotional impact.
Do not respond with anger, panic, guilt, criticism, judgments, or other responses.
emotional ones that increase conflict.

Do not give logical answers

People who are emotionally activated suffer from distortions.
cognitive in their way of thinking or are hooked on thoughts in
white or black. In those moments, using logical reasoning is not helpful. No
you get into the details of some discussion or argument.

Do not validate what is invalid.

What is always valid? The emotions that a person has.

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores

What is valid sometimes and other times not? Behavior, thoughts,
the plans to solve problems, etc.
What is not valid or is rarely so? Lies, illogical arguments,
threats or excessive demands, violent behaviors (insulting, hitting, or breaking)
objects).
When someone is emotionally dysregulated, look for what is valid,
validate this and ignore the other things for the moment (as long as not
there is physical violence).

Validation Levels Description Examples

Listen and observe. Actively listen and Look directly at the
look at the person eyes. Communicate with
while speaking gestures of interest.
2. Comment in form Return what was understood Let me see if
it needs to be understood. without adding anything and asking understood...
clarification if it is So you saw it and
necessary you felt..." "Wait no
I am following you,
Could you explain it to me?
slower?
3. Putting words to it Describe what you think I see that you are angry.
not expressed. What happened to the other person?
probably feeling I think you had
making it very clear that a bad day. Do you want
it's your observation. talk about that?
That was terrible.
Imagine being
walking around
feeling fear
4. Sufficient causes. Stop at events That (the event
previous ones that are in previous) would cause to
relation to the situation anyone feeling
current and validate from How did you feel?
this perspective. It
includes dysfunction
biological.
Reasonable in the Stop at the Any other in that
moment. situation and the situation would feel
conditions of same
moment that led to
the answer and validate it
within that context.
6. Treat the person Recognize the other as I don't consider you so
with the respect that everyone an equal in terms of fragile as to
human being deserves status and rights, with hear the truth, for
personal values that I am going to tell you what

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores

 they are so important for I think...” “I respect your
he likes yours to opinion but I have
you. another.
You have the resources
(name them) as for
resolve this situation
for yourself and I trust
in which this is going to happen.

Consequences of invalidation in treatment:

The invalidation of one's own perceptions leads to an increase in arousal, which

which generates a feeling of being out of control. The result of this is the
failure to process new information and intense efforts to control the
situation.

The failure to process new information leads to the absence of new ones.
learnings.

Efforts to control the situation lead to not having an attitude of

collaboration.

Function of validation in treatment:

Strengthens the treatment process.

The balance between acceptance and change is achieved.
Strengthens self-validation.
It functions as feedback.
- Fortalece la relación terapéutica.

Important auto-constructs in people with DLP:

The importance of problems.

The difficulty of the task.
Emotional pain.
The feeling of being out of control.
Self-regulation.
The wisdom about their essential goals.
The perspective they have on the situation.

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores

The A B C to determine the validation of a behavior:

The conduct is valid due to the background.

The behavior

C: Behavior is valid due to the consequences.

Validation strategies for behaviors:

Teach to observe behaviors and name the skills.

Identify the 'shoulds'.
Confront the 'shoulds'.
Accept the 'shoulds'.

Validation strategies of cognitions:

Elicit and reflect thoughts and assumptions.

Find the "grain of truth".
- Recognize the wise mind.
Respect the values.

Emotion validation strategies:

Encourage the expression of emotions.

Teach to observe and name emotions.
Read the emotions.
Directly validate emotions.

Material from Professor Herbert Grenett Ortiz for PRO Consultores