EMMA

by Kate Hamill
based on the novel by Jane Austen
Emma exclusively by TRW Plays. No professional, amateur, or educa-
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The world premiere production of Emma was originally Character Doubling
commissioned and produced by Guthrie Theater; Joseph
Haj, Artistic Director, on June 24th, 2022. It was The script may be done with or without doubling.
directed by Meredith McDonough; Jillian Robertson was Emma, Knightley, and Harriet must not double in any production.
assistant director; the scenic and costune design was by
Doubling for 10 actors (as in world premiere):
Lex Liang; the lighting design was by Paul Toben; the
sound design was by Palmer Hefferan; the movement 6 Women:
director was Emily Michaels King; the voice and dialect 1. Emma Woodhouse
coach was Jill Walmsley Zager; the dramaturg was 2. Harriet Smith
Carla Steen; the intimacy director was Tonia Sina; the 3. Jane Fairfax / Mrs. Bates as needed
fight director was Aaron Preusse; the production stage 4. Mrs. Weston / Mrs. Bates as needed
manager was Tree O’Halloran, and the assistant stage 5. Miss Bates / servant
manager was Nate Stanger. 6. Mrs. Elton / servant

The cast was as follows (in alphabetical order): 4 Men:

1. George Knightley
2. Frank Churchill / Robert Martin
MISS BATES.............................................. Sun Mee Chomet 3. Mr. Weston / Mr. Woodhouse
ROBERT MARTIN/FRANK CHURCHILL... Ryan Colbert 4. Mr. Elton / Mrs. Bates as needed
.................................... (later played by Juan Rivera Lebron)
MR. WESTON/MR. WOODHOUSE................David Kelly Doubling for 8 actors:
MR. GEORGE KNIGHTLEY....................Carman Lacivita
MRS. ELTON................................................... Anna Leverett 5 Women:
EMMA WOODHOUSE.................................Amelia Pedlow 1. Emma Woodhouse
MR. ELTON/MRS. BATES...............................Louis Sallan 2. Harriet Smith
HARRIET SMITH................................Samantha Steinmetz 3. Jane Fairfax / Mrs. Elton / Mrs. Bates as needed
4. Mrs. Weston / Mrs. Bates as needed / Mrs. Elton
JANE FAIRFAX/MRS. BATES.................. Christine Weber
as needed
MRS. ANNE WESTON/MRS. BATES......Brenda Withers 5. Miss Bates / servant / Mrs. Elton as needed
(Members of ensemble also appeared as servants.) 3 Men:
1. George Knightley
Production understudies were: John Catron, Juan Rivera 2. Mr. Elton / Frank Churchill / Robert Martin
Lebron, Bill McCallum, Mo Perry, Elizabeth Reese, and 3. Mr. Weston / Mr. Woodhouse
Olivia Wilusz.
 Character Descriptions very opinionated, who communicates exclusively in grunts
and hand gestures. Mrs. Bates is completely obscured by
Women bonnet and scarves and shawls; she’s a big pile of fabric,
rather like Cousin It. We never see what’s underneath all
1. EMMA (late 20s-30s): almost unbelievably charming; the layers.
a natural comedienne. Bouncily flirty; possesses more
power of manipulation than even she understands; has a 4. MISS BATES (40s+) / as cast: headmistress of a
certain sunny, charming self-regard—it’s what allows her struggling school for girls. An incredibly good-natured, if
to get away with so much. Very very VERY clever—and motor-mouthed and daft, woman. Very very proud of her
fancies herself even more clever than she is. Capable of niece Jane Fairfax, whom she talks about obsessively. Once
getting ahead of herself. Incredibly dexterous, verbally. she starts talking, you can’t get a word in edgewise.
Capable of being unfair or short-sighted or impetuous;
maybe a bit overindulged. Grew up with wealth. Can 5. JANE FAIRFAX (20s-30s) / as cast: You know that girl
be a bit overconfident and self-congratulatory. Capable who always seems to do everything right? Jane is that
of getting quite competitive. Generous with those she girl. An overachiever. Very composed. Very beautiful.
considers family. Eminently lovable and eminently fallible. Very discreet. Very accomplished. Very smart. Every hair
Has emotional depth. Very educated, but is not allowed a in place, and it seems effortless. Works as a governess,
profession—and thus is a bit like a border collie without until she quits under mysterious circumstances. The only
any sheep. Frustrated, and thus sometimes putting her girl-child in a family full of schoolteachers, and thus—
considerable energies in the wrong places. Ahead of her seemingly—a model of perfect behavior. Maybe a little bit
time. Given the chance, she just might run the world. stiff. Under all of this A+ decorum, she’s hiding a love
affair with Frank Churchill—she doubts he can be faithful.
2. HARRIET SMITH (20s): a deeply likable girl from Is hiding deep passions under that flawless exterior.
the lower classes, who’s been given a basic education. A
sweet, naturally affectionate human being, but not the 6. MRS. ELTON (20-30s) / as cast: not bright. What’s more,
brightest flame in the stove. A born enthusiast; the kind she has a laugh that’s the auditory equivalent of nails
of person who leaps WAY before she looks. Has a strong being torn out of your fingers. Is delighted by everything.
tendency towards hero worship. A born follower. VERY Her libido is.... quite active. Thinks her new husband, Mr.
impressionable. Has a desperate adoring friend-crush on Elton, is the most desirable thrilling brilliant man alive. A
Emma. Wants to be in love. Gets flustered easily. A bit truly intolerable woman. May actually be a hyena, wearing
naïve. a human suit. May also double with Mrs. Bates.

3. MRS. WESTON (mid 30s-late 40s) / as cast: Emma’s Men

former governess. A very smart woman with a good sense
of humor; very perceptive and grounded. Not afraid to tell 1. MR. KNIGHTLEY (30s-40s): a handsome man; a super
it like it is. Capable of really teaching deep lessons. Not charming man; an upright fellow. He’s also a bit of a rule-
without edge, when she chooses. Likable and opinionated. follower; maybe sometimes a bit of a stick in the mud. Very
Gives great advice. Picture the coolest aunt imaginable. clever. Capable of getting ahead of himself and edging
Doubles with Mrs. Bates (70s+) / as cast: An elderly lady, towards know-it-all. Can be competitive. Is preoccupied
with Emma—they get under each other’s skin in the most Setting
delightful way. Gets quite jealous of Frank Churchill. Has
the best intentions. Feels deeply. A genuinely good guy. Highbury, England, the early 19th century—but also
Ultimately learns to admit vulnerability and share his here, in your theater, right now, today, this year.
feelings.

2. MR. WOODHOUSE (60s+) / as cast: an over-anxious, Author’s Notes

melancholy hypochondriac, but people humor him, as he’s
a nice man under it all. Obsessed with the healing powers • Yes, indeed, when it says [Name of Theater] and [Title
of gruel. Tends to darkly predict fatal illnesses as a sign of + Name of Production’s Director], you should plug in
concern. May double with MR. WESTON, (40s-50s) / as your own theater and director’s name. For example,
cast:—the kind of man who likes to make awkward “dad in the world premiere we used “Guthrie Theater” and
jokes.” Very very proud of his son, Frank Churchill. An “Ms. Meredith McDonough.”
unsubtle matchmaker. A good man; not a mean thought in
his head. Maybe is prone to blurting out the wrong thing. • This, more than any other script I’ve written, is very
much a precise, heightened-language comedy. Please
3. MR. ELTON (any age) / as cast: a clergyman who say the words as written—even when they’re strange,
sometimes gets the wrong idea. ADORES poetry. A born seemingly random non-words like: “baaAAahhh!”—I
social climber. Fancies himself a great romantic. Thinks really mean say “baaAAahhh!” Please pay attention to
ladies are naturally coy and enjoy wordplay. Is determined when characters are using CAPITAL LETTERS and
to woo, and win. Thinks he oozes charm; maybe just oozes. the like. Please use the language and don’t add lots
May double with Mr. Weston. of extra sounds and verbal gesticulations. I know this
sounds like picky playwright stuff, but this is the math
4. FRANK CHURCHILL (20s-30s) / as cast: an incredibly of screwball comedy. And—in service of said screwball
charming, handsome, mischievous flirt of a man—the kind comedy—all dialogue should be speed-of-thought, at
of man who gets away with almost everything, because he’s least.
so irresistible. Not a bad guy, really; just a bit too likable
for his own good. Ladies love him. Funny. Gossipy. Clever. • In that vein, the only words that Mrs. Bates ever says
A little spoiled and manipulative. A bit unused to hearing are, and I quote, some version of the word “marr.”
“no,” and as a result, doesn’t really believe in “no.” Can
be callous or unthinkingly cruel or self-indulgent. Wishes • Obviously, this piece is playing around quite a bit
to reform, but can’t.... always.... help himself. Enjoys half- with breaking the fourth wall and given circumstance.
truths and innuendo. Is, underneath everything, in love I really encourage you to use some modern,
with Jane Fairfax—but that doesn’t mean other women popular music & dance and play around with visual
become uninteresting to him. Doubles with ROBERT anachronism, mixing the modern and traditional. It’s
MARTIN—a sweet groundskeeper, in love with Harriet. not very straitlaced.
Non-speaking. May also double with Mrs. Bates. • Transitions should be fast and uncluttered. A great deal
of them are designed to be under Emma’s inter-scene
monologues.
 SCENE 1:
A COUNTRY WEDDING

A great explosion of ringing bells as a couple comes out

This one is dedicated to all of the incredible teachers I have of a church; this is the wedding day of the former MISS
had over the years, particularly Cynthia Howell, Susannah
TAYLOR to MR. WESTON. The ensemble throws
Berryman, and Norm Johnson… all of whom forbore my
flower petals and cheers. EMMA emerges just in front of
Emma-like intermittent complaining and existential flailing with
patience. A special shout-out, also, to my sister Rachel Colongeli the happy couple:
Ford—exceptional science teacher and human being.
EMMA:
(to the audience, very fast:) Ladies and gentleman, may
I present for the very first time: Mr. and Mrs.
Weston!!!!
They cheer. The new MRS. WESTON stops and gives
her a kiss before she joins her groom... it is all joyous and
imperfect and humble; the whole community is there. It
is a true country wedding—AND: The ensemble stills—
not a freeze; just a sort of suspension, as they become
background—Emma turns to us. She smiles:

EMMA:
You see this?
(proudly) I did this.
Yes! Me. All me.
Aren’t I clever?

1
 (responding to some perceived affirmation from the KNIGHTLEY:
audience. She may be just imagining it. She circles the Emma.
bride and groom.) Overriding him:
You see, Miss Anne Taylor—or rather Mrs. Anne
Weston, as of today, has been my governess since EMMA:
I was a child. But I am fully-grown now—(she flirts) —When we happened to encounter Mr. Weston on
obviously—and practically perfect and certainly a walk—
done with my education, and Miss Taylor—(hitting KNIGHTLEY:
herself in the head) SORRY, Mrs. Weston—was like to go Emma!
mad with idleness. As she has always said, a mind
must have occupation, or it will come to mischief. EMMA:
AND SO— I simply pretended to sprain my ankle—

(A man has started listening closely; he trails Emma. He KNIGHTLEY:

alone is moving at the same frequency as herself:) —you can’t ignore me forever.

TO SAVE HER CHARACTER—I made her this EMMA:

lovely match! Watch me. (she attempts to ignore him) And I sat with
my foot up on a pillow for a week—forcing Mr.
KNIGHTLEY: Weston and Anne together to “entertain me”—and
Emma. by offering divers encouragements, and smoothing
Emma notices him, but plows on. little conflicts, I made them / fall desperately—
KNIGHTLEY:
EMMA: Emma! You can’t just—stand here and feed all
Miss Taylor long-claimed she had no interest in of these fine people—hello, Madame—complete
matrimony, but she was reading too many (gesturing nonsense.
evocatively) bodice-ripping novels for me to give that
any credit. And Mr. Weston was the widower down EMMA:
the lane, and was developing that vacant, aimless —How dare you?
look in his eyes that bachelors do; (into the audience) KNIGHTLEY:
you know what I’m talking about, sir. —Share the stage, for once. (he clambers into the spotlight
(flirtatiously)—I’ll get to you next. with her)
So one day, when—
Emma and he get under each other’s skin. They are

2 Emma 3
 both clever people—sometimes know-it-alls. There is real KNIGHTLEY:
banter here; rat-tat-tat. (losing it) Only a complete fool, Emma, could ever
give you credit for this match!
EMMA:
MISS BATES, a good-natured, if motor-mouthed,
Ladies and gentlemen, (rolling her eyes) Mr. George
woman in a ridiculous bonnet, has wandered up arm-
Knightley, our neighbor. Because Mr. Knightley
in-arm with HARRIET SMITH, a beautiful, simply-
has known me since I was a child—
dressed young girl.
KNIGHTLEY:
Since we were both children, I’m only five years MISS BATES:
older than you— Miss Woodhouse!!
I understand you alone are to credit for this happy
EMMA:
day!!!
(sweetly) Yes, but you’re so elderly in your soul—
Emma does a victory lap in front of Knightley.
KNIGHTLEY:
—hurtful— EMMA:
EMMA: WHY YES, Miss Bates, I certainly AM.
SINCE Mr. Knightley is an (turning the screw) old, old, MISS BATES:
old friend—he wrongly thinks he has the right to So extraordinarily clever, Miss Woodhouse—but
interrupt me! then how could you be anything but?
But this is my direct address monologue, sir!
The play—is not called “KNIGHTLEY.” Emma laughs in Knightley’s face.
KNIGHTLEY: KNIGHTLEY:
(to the audience) Dear members of the audience, I Good God.
assure you that Mr. Weston and Miss Taylor would
have ultimately wed with or without Emma’s Emma and Knightley are so absorbed in banter, they
interference! (overserious:) Love has its own agenda. can barely tear themselves away:

EMMA: MISS BATES:

(mercilessly mocking him) “Love has its own agenda.” Miss Woodhouse; may I introduce Miss Harriet
Have you been reading Miss Taylor’s (the same gesture) Smith.
bodice-ripping novels?
EMMA:
How do you do, Miss Smith?

4 Emma 5
HARRIET: could join us today!
(overawed) Oh, I am—how I—I do very, yes.—(she
Emma instantly drops her arm—
verbally collapses) do—how do you?
MISS BATES: EMMA:
—Harriet is one of the students just graduated, you (flatly) Yes, if only Jane Fairfax could be here. What
know, from my little school. a pity.
HARRIET: Music starts.
I beg your pardon, Miss Woodhouse—for my—my
(gesticulating) aahhh—it’s just—I—I have heard so very MISS BATES:
much about you! (entering a certain glassy-eyed love haze as she speaks) Jane
does love a celebration! Sweet, amiable, Jane! What
MISS BATES: an addition to any party! Jane is so accomplished,
You know I am an eternal talker! Jane is so elegant, Jane is so charming / Jane—
HARRIET: Jane—(spelling it like a cheer) J-A-N-
—Yes, Miss Bates always says that you are—that you EMMA:
are perhaps the handsomest, and wittiest, and—and MISS BATES—they are starting the dances.
cleverest—woman—in the whole county!
MISS BATES:
MISS BATES: Oooh!
Perhaps in all of Britain!
She begins to pull Harriet away.
HARRIET:
Perhaps in all the world! HARRIET:
KNIGHTLEY: My congratulations, Miss Woodhouse, on managing
Good God. such a match! (total hero worship) Really—is there
anything you can’t do?
EMMA:
(savoring her victory over Knightley) Dear, dear Miss Bates. KNIGHTLEY:
You have truly taught her well. GOOD GOD.

She takes Miss Bates’ arm. Miss Bates pulls her away, into dancing.

MISS BATES: EMMA:

Such a happy occasion this is. If only my niece (she does a little dance) Told you so, told you so, told you
told you told you so!

6 Emma 7
KNIGHTLEY: She calls out to a clergyman, who is circling the dance.
The fact that you have convinced all the county— Such a scintillating service!
(waving at the audience) for all I know, every person
in the [Name of Theater] audience—that you are Elton simpers and bows, opens his mouth and steps
infallible, does not mean that you are. I am afraid forward to talk to her, but she is too occupied by:
you have a disposition to think too much of
yourself, Emma. KNIGHTLEY:
Mr. Elton—Really? Don’t you have anything better
EMMA: to do with your time?
(that REALLY gets under her skin)—That’s not what
Harriet Smith thinks! EMMA:
(Suddenly serious for a moment) No, actually. I don’t.
KNIGHTLEY:
—Miss Smith herself is proof of my point! He looks at her, and she flits right back to her bouncy,
arch flirtatiousness:
Harriet is dancing happily and slowly with a young man
in humble clothing—this is ROBERT MARTIN. EMMA:
She has an understanding with Robert Martin, my (re: the audience) And since you have just publicly
groundskeeper. Look, look—two people, in love, denied my triumph—you force me to prove my
with no Emma to manage the matter! Whatever powers anew!
shall they do? KNIGHTLEY:
EMMA: You can’t control everything, Emma.
Huh. A groundskeeper. EMMA:
KNIGHTLEY: (flirtatiously) But isn’t it fun to watch me try?
... what? There’s a real—something—there. Knightley, clocking
EMMA: that, bows to her:
A discerning, insightful young woman like that—
KNIGHTLEY:
seems rather wasted upon a groundskeeper.
Care to declare a temporary cease-fire—and dance
She casts her keen eyes around the room: with an old man?

EMMA: She jauntily curtsies. They join the dance; pausing for
Yoohoo, Mr. Elton! Emma to look at us, saucily:

8 Emma 9
EMMA:
Isn’t it fun to watch me try?
Emma spins away—Mr. Knightley watches her as if
trying to determine something—and she dances right
into:
SCENE 2:
A VISITOR AT HARTFIELD

Hartfield. Mr. Woodhouse, Emma’s father, is wrapped

up in blankets; he has a little bowl of grey stuff in
front of him. He’s an over-anxious, melancholy
hypochondriac, but people humor him, as he’s a nice
man under it all.

MR. WOODHOUSE:
(anxiously) Emma, Emma—Emma—do sit down.
EMMA:
(still dancing) Why, Papa?
MR. WOODHOUSE:
You shall take a chill, dancing about in this
dreadful draft. (he shivers, evocatively)
EMMA:
(spinning close to him, and taking his hands as if to tempt him to
dance) I’m running hot, actually.
MR. WOODHOUSE:
(he absolutely will not dance) Getting overheated is EVEN
WORSE!
Sit and have some gruel.

10 Emma 11
 (speaking lovingly to the goo) It is nice and smooth today— Emma and Mrs. Weston are more like sisters than
thin, but not too thin—do have a little basin of anything else.
gruel with me, Emma—
MR. WOODHOUSE:
EMMA: —Oh look, it is poor Miss Taylor!
Oh / thank you, but—
EMMA:
MR. WOODHOUSE: Mrs. Weston now, Papa.
(picking up his little bell) I’ll ring for it now—
MR. WOODHOUSE:
EMMA: Oh look, it is poor Mrs. Weston. (he holds on to her
(lunging for the bell) NO! No, no, Papa—as appetizing as hand, mournfully) Have you come back because you
that looks—I’m too excited to eat. are miserable in your situation, and you are full of
MR. WOODHOUSE: regrets for having abandoned us?
(darkly) Gruel is excellent for overexcitement. (he eyes MRS. WESTON:
her as she continues to dance) —I am sorry to have left, Mr. Woodhouse, but I am
Why are you so restless today, my dear? glad to be married.
EMMA: MR. WOODHOUSE:
I am plotting a PROSPECTIVE PROJECT! Ah, you say that now. But when you are suffering
MR. WOODHOUSE: the agonizing pains of childbirth—you will long for
What does that mean? your carefree maiden days at Hartfield!
EMMA: MRS. WESTON:
Oh, you shall see, Papa. (darkly) Soon—soon they all Oh, sir. Thank you for that.
shall see. (swooping in to kiss him) EMMA:
(she dances away) MWAhahaha! —What are you doing here, Anne? (away from her father)
MR. WOODHOUSE: Shouldn’t you be learning the salacious secrets of
—sometimes, Emma, you do make me anxious. matrimony?
MRS. WESTON (O.S.): MRS. WESTON:
Halllooooo! (Away from Mr. Woodhouse) The body has its limits.
She enters, strikes a little pose. MR. WOODHOUSE:
—euw.
The prodigal governess has returned!
You must have had a shocking walk, Mrs. Weston!

12 Emma 13
MRS. WESTON: MRS. WESTON:
It is only half a mile. (noting... something) Squabbling with George Knightley
again, are you? What is the battlefield this time?
MR. WOODHOUSE:
But it is so damp! I am afraid you may catch cold! A servant has entered.
Do have a little/
SERVANT:
MRS. WESTON: A Miss Smith is here, Ma’am.
/NO—no, sir, please. I am very warm!
EMMA:
MR. WOODHOUSE: (away from her father) Anne, I must have something to
(fearfully) TOO warm? do, or I shall run mad! Pleaaaase?
MRS. WESTON: EMMA: MR. WOODHOUSE:
No—no Papa—she is very well! Mrs. Weston—do have a fortifying bowl. It is so
MR. WOODHOUSE: thin today!
(sadly, to himself) Nobody believes in gruel. MRS. WESTON:
EMMA: (rolling her eyes at Emma—then, loudly) Mm! Gru-el! How
Anne—since you’ve arrived so opportunely—would delightful!
you mind occupying Papa for a bit? She slips off to the corner with Mr. Weston, and
MRS. WESTON: engages him. The servant escorts Harriet Smith in;
You don’t want to know the dark details of a match she is overawed. Harriet is a lovely girl and a sweet,
once made, Emma? affectionate human being, but not the brightest flame in
the stove. And she WORSHIPS Emma like a rock star.
EMMA:
It is a desperate, painful friend-crush.
/(I—)
MRS. WESTON: EMMA:
/Two days out of the house, and you are glad of my Dear, dear Miss Smith. You are welcome to
absence? Hartfield.
EMMA: HARRIET:
Howdareyou? (hugging her) I always wish to be in your Oh, Miss Woodhouse—(bobbing up and down frantically)
company—but today I plan to prove Mr. Knightley hullo, yes. Hullo. Hullo. How you can ever thank
wrong, once and for all! I—(correcting) that is—how can I ever thank you for
having me—to your beautiful home? (that took a really

14 Emma 15
 concerted effort) EMMA:
(shrugging) Of course, I am done with learning now.
EMMA:
—it is my pleasure! HARRIET:
What shall you do—with all of that education?
HARRIET:
(trembling, but trying to get the polite phraseology out) No—no, EMMA:
Miss Woodhouse—my all—my—pleasure—is mine.— (rather at a loss) What will I do? I shall... be...
(she mentally kicks herself and clears her throat, painfully) educated, I suppose?
Emma motions to the servant, who goes to fetch tea. HARRIET:
You wouldn’t—have an occupation? Be a governess,
EMMA: or teacher, or—
Do sit, Miss Smith—and we shall have a real tête-à-
Emma starts laughing. Harriet, totally unaware of what
tête.
she’s laughing about, starts laughing with her.
HARRIET:
(rather frightened) A what? EMMA:
A lady of my station cannot work. It would
EMMA:
scandalize the county.
A tête—(surprised) an intimate chat. Do you not speak
French? HARRIET:
(panicking) Oh, no, of course! Silly me. No. Yes! No.
HARRIET:
Haha. Nono.
Noooo—doyou you—you do.
The servant has returned. Emma turns to get the tea—
EMMA:
Harriet, having some slow-moving version of an anxiety
Why, yes. Mrs. Weston educated me in French—
attack, frantically sponges her face and armpits with a
(rattling them off very carelessly and fast) Latin, Spanish,
handkerchief as she quasi-collapses.
Italian. Maths, music, composition, botany, biology,
anatomy, history, geography, geology, oratory, HARRIET:
philosophy, astronomy, metallurgy,—you know. The (to herself) Noooo...
usual.
EMMA:
HARRIET: Miss Smith, (she turns and sees the frantic sponging of sweat)
Lord, usual? That’s not—usual at all. Nobody I are you all right?
know—knows so much, you. No?

16 Emma 17
HARRIET: EMMA:
I’m sorry—It’s just—I’m nervous—I’ve never been— (she catches her hand) Stop that—you—are absolutely
in such a nice place before! And then I come here, charming!
all aaaAaaah—and I’m being, just—and I’m getting HARRIET:
so—baaAAahhh! (she flails about demonstratively) I am?
EMMA: EMMA:
(Harriet’s gestures get a bit wild) / careful/ And what’s more—I feel exactly the same.
Harriet is starting to babble—but Emma, like all HARRIET:
charming people, is very good at putting people at ease You do?
fast—and also, perhaps, at believing everything she says
is absolutely accurate. The servant has arrived with a tea and little cookies,
which he sets down, as:
HARRIET:
/and you are so lovely, and learned, and I have EMMA:
heard so much about you—and know I should be From this day forward, I shall call you my sweet
calm and rational and make a good impression— Harriet, and you may call me your darling Emma.
and, yet, I also feel—(bobbing back up) Oh, I really HARRIET:
should go— (dreamily) Your darling Emma.
EMMA: EMMA:
Sit. (Harriet nearly breaks something trying to sit down as fast as No, it’s “my darling Em—“
possible)—you feel—?
HARRIET:
HARRIET: What?
But—yet, I also feel—because I have thought about
you so much—quite as if I knew you already. (melting EMMA:
into a puddle of embarrassment) Oh God, what am I —never mind. (she pours her tea)
saying? May I ask, Harriet, how old you are?

Harriet starts lightly hitting herself in the head— HARRIET:

I am just nineteen—Miss—Emma. How—how old
EMMA: HARRIET: are you?
Miss Smith— Stupid, stupid Harriet, stupid! EMMA:
Miss Smith! Twenty—(she stops herself, lying) yyy. Twenty.

18 Emma 19
HARRIET: cookie)
(thrilled) Then we are of an age!
She holds out her hand for the gingerbread man; Emma
Emma is quite steadily loading cookies onto Harriet’s holds it back—she is not going to give it.
little plate—every time Harriet gives the right answer, she
gets a cookie. EMMA:
—who was that young man I saw you talking to at
EMMA: the wedding, Harriet?
And what an exciting age it is, Harriet! An age—to
HARRIET:
be thinking of one’s purpose. Don’t you agree?
Oh! Do you mean—do you mean, ah—Mr. Robert
HARRIET: Martin? (suddenly getting interested in her tea) He is—he is
Purpose! Yes! an acquaintance.
EMMA: EMMA:
Good! (she gives her a cookie) It is a time to channel And do you two have—an understanding?
one’s energies—wisely.
HARRIET:
HARRIET: No. That is, not—not formally. (Harriet shrugs, blushing
Energies. Indeed! and smiling)
EMMA: EMMA:
Good! (Harriet gets a cookie) It is a period of planning Well, you must tell me all about him! Mr. Martin
for one’s future. is a very accomplished young man, I am sure?
HARRIET: HARRIET:
Future! Of course! (proudly) He is a groundskeeper, Miss—Emma. And
EMMA: the best in his trade in England!
So good, Harriet (Harriet gets a very BIG cookie)! It is the EMMA:
moment to think—on matrimony. A groundskeeper?
She holds out the BEST COOKIE OF ALL—a big How “accomplished” could a groundskeeper be? Is he
gingerbread man. the swiftest shoveler in the county? The fastest turf-
layer in the land?
HARRIET: HARRIET:
Matrimony? Huh! Well, um—I don’t think—
See, that one I don’t get at all. (Harriet really wants the

20 Emma 21
EMMA: HARRIET:
(brightly) Harriet! I am only teasing! Please, pleaseplease just tell me!!!
HARRIET: Beat.
Oh. Ha ha ha. (beat)
EMMA:
EMMA: Harriet, if a man’s intentions are serious, he makes
How long have you and he had—this acquaintance? a serious offer. And it does not take him almost
HARRIET: TWO WHOLE MONTHS to do so.
Well—we have been (significantly) conversing for seven HARRIET:
whole weeks. That seems... hasty.
EMMA: EMMA:
Seven weeks! Think of all the great romances! Romeo and Juliet!
HARRIET: Antony and Cleopatra! Tristan and Isolde! Did
Yes? they flit around, making eyes and doing nothing,
for weeks and weeks? OR DID THEY LOCK IT
EMMA:
DOWN—WITH HASTE?!
Seven weeks?
HARRIET:
HARRIET:
But aren’t there—many couples, who, who have
What?
known each for years, before/
EMMA:
EMMA:
Oh, Harriet. My poor benighted lamb.
(gesturing into the audience demonstratively) Do you want to
HARRIET: be part of one of those commonplace couples? Or
What is it? do you want to be Romeo and Juliet?
EMMA: HARRIET:
Nothing. ——didn’t they die?
HARRIET: EMMA:
Why am I a lamb?!!! Without a commitment, Harriet, his attention
EMMA: to you is only flirtation. And flirtation is a
(she takes a breath—then turns away in a false start) No, no I meaningless game that men and women play.
should not interfere! Who knows—just how many girls—this Mr. Martin

22 Emma 23
 is playing with? EMMA:
(prompting her) And then—
HARRIET:
Oh. HARRIET:
And then—he’ll LEARN HIS LESSON!
EMMA:
“Mr. Martin.” If that is even his real name. EMMA:
Good, Miss Smith, good!
HARRIET:
And now you get the biscuit!
—I—I never considered it like that before.
When I think of it— She gives her the gingerbread man.
Why—why HASN’T he proposed?
What—what is WRONG with me? HARRIET:
THANK YOU, MISS WOODHOUSE, YES!
EMMA: (grabbing the cookie and cramming in her mouth) YESH I
Nothing is wrong with you!!! YOU are a perfect SHERTAINLY DO!
angel flown down from heaven!
The question IS: what is wrong with HIM? Harriet munches on the cookie angrily, biting off the
gingerbread Robert Martin’s head. Then, it seems to lose
HARRIET: its savor—
Yes—that’s—that’s right! What is WRONG with
him?!! HARRIET:
EMMA: Only—
What does he think, that you’ll just—sit around, EMMA:
waiting for him to make up his mind? Because you Yes?
won’t!
HARRIET:
HARRIET: —(mouth full of cookie) He sheeemed like shuch a nishe
I won’t! man.
EMMA: (she swallows; eats another, sadly) He walked three milesh
Does he think you can’t find someone else?! roundchrip one day, jusht to bring me shome
Because you can! walnutsh.
HARRIET: EMMA:
I can! “Nishe” isn’t good enough for a lifetime, dear. A
lady of your spotless beauty and matchless charm

24 Emma 25
 and faultless judgement cannot afford to settle. HARRIET:
Sure!
HARRIET:
When you say it, Emma—I—I can almost believe it. EMMA:
MEN LIKE MR. ELTON!
EMMA:
Then believe this, Harriet—we are grown women, Harriet stops chanting “forward, onward, upward.”
you and I. Ladies poised to shape our destinies!
(warming up to the speech—she might as well get on a podium) HARRIET:
And that means we must focus our precious Mr. Elton?
energies; apply considered thought to our actions— EMMA:
make our own legacies in this uncertain world! MR. ELTON.
We must always move forward, onward, upward!
Forward, onward, upward! Say it with me, Harriet! HARRIET:
Wot, the rector?
EMMA AND HARRIET:
Forward, onward, upward! EMMA:
(the salesman’s pitch) Eh?!
(Harriet continues to chant forward, onward, upward
under, pausing only to reply—it’s a bit like a military HARRIET:
exercise) (She makes a face.) Ehhh.
EMMA:
EMMA: He has a superior mind, Harriet! A magnificent—
We cannot accept boys who root around in the dirt, soul! And such a passionate nature, thrumming,
can we? under that chaste white collar! Why, even during
HARRIET: the wedding—he may have been spouting sanctified
No! words, but his eyes spoke of earthly desires—when
stealing glances at a certain lady.
EMMA:
We need to seek out SERIOUS men, don’t we?! HARRIET:
... not—ME?
HARRIET:
Yes! EMMA:
(knowingly) Eh-eh-ehhh.
EMMA:
We’ll want men with prospects and position and potential, HARRIET:
shan’t we! Mr. Elton. (considering) The rector. And....me.

26 Emma 27
EMMA:
Only come again tomorrow—and it may be
arranged! Forward...?
She holds out the biscuit to Harriet.

HARRIET:
Onward... Upward! (she takes the cookie)
EMMA AND HARRIET:
Forward, onward, upward!
HARRIET:
Forward, onward, upward!!!!
Harriet, happily, munches and marches, her chant going
right into—

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EMMA.

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28 Emma 29