This collection of teachings is dedicated with

deep gratitude to my parents and to my teachers,

Venerable Luang Por Chah

and

Venerable Luang Por Sumedho.

 There is the Unborn, Unoriginated,
Uncreated and Unformed.

If there was not this Unborn,

Unoriginated, Uncreated and Unformed,

Freedom from the world of the born,

the originated, the created,
the formed would not be possible.

But since there is an Unborn,

Unoriginated, Uncreated and Unformed,

Therefore, is freedom possible

from the world of the born, the originated,
the created and the formed.

N I B B Ā N A S U T TA : P A R I N I B B Ā N A ( U D Ā N A 8 . 3)

K H U DD A K A N I K ĀYA
 CONTENTS

FOREWORD . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
INTRODUCTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
SAMPLE RETREAT AGENDA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
A NOTE ON CHANTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

DAY ONE
A WHOLESOME START . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
THE THREE REFUGES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22
THE EIGHT PRECEPTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24
REQUESTING THE THREE REFUGES & THE FIVE/EIGHT PRECEPTS . . 27
TAKING THE THREE REFUGES . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
TAKING THE FIVE PRECEPTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30
TAKING THE EIGHT PRECEPTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
THE LANGUAGE OF REFLECTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33
MEDITATION
Awareness with Objects . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41

DAY TWO
MEDITATION
Awareness with Sound . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43

RECEPTIVE KNOWING . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45
MEDITATION
Awareness with Experiences . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49

AN EVEN INTERCHANGE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 51
THE HINDRANCE OF TORPOR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54
HOMAGE TO THE BUDDHA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 58
MEDITATION
Awareness with the Body . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 60
 METHODOLOGY OF RENUNCIATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 62
THE BUDDHA’S SEARCH . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 64
QUESTIONS & ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 75

DAY THREE
MEDITATION
Awareness with Thoughts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79

COMING HOME . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 81
INSTRUCTIONS ON LYING DOWN MEDITATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 84
MEDITATION
Awareness with Bodily Sensations . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 87

THE HARBOUR . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 91
STILLNESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 93
HOMAGE TO THE DHAMMA . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 96
MEDITATION
Awareness with Movement . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97

WHEN PRACTICE FALLS APART . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 108
BUDDHA DHAMMA SANGHA GUNĀ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 116

DAY FOUR
YOU CAN’T PUT AN END TO THINKING BY THINKING . . . . . . . . . . 119
A GARLAND OF MARIGOLDS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 124
THE PAGE RATHER THAN THE PRINT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 125
MEDITATION
Awareness with the Way Things Are . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 130

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 131

DEPENDENT ORIGINATION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 143
CAUSE AND EFFECT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 145
SPECIFIC CONDITIONALITY OR IDAPACCAYATĀ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 150
DAY FIVE
MEDITATION

Awareness with the Mood of the Mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 152

THE MORNING RITUAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 154

LUANG POR LIEM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 157

ME, MINE AND THAT . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 170

MEDITATION

Awareness with Conditions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 173

DEATH IS NATURAL . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 175

FIVE SUBJECTS FOR FREQUENT RECOLLECTION . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179

EMPATHETIC DISTRESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 181

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 186

DAY SIX
MEDITATION

Awareness with Memories . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 192

THE BUDDHA’S WORDS ON LOVING-KINDNESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 193

GATEWAY TO THE UNCONDITIONED . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 195

MEDITATION

Awareness with Restlessness . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 202

DHAMMAVICAYA VS. CONVENTIONAL THINKING . . . . . . . . . . . . . 204

MEDITATION

Awareness with Breath . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 208

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 209

DAY SEVEN
MEDITATION
Awareness with Becoming . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 222

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 223

MEDITATION
Awareness with Perceptions . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 233

TRUST IN AWARENESS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 234

EPILOGUE . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 243

APPENDIX - AN OUTLINE OF BUDDHISM . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 247

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 256

GLOSSARY . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 258
 F OR E WOR D
A RUG FOR THE R AF T

I have a rug in my kuti that Ajahn Viradhammo wove and gave to

me before he left Britain in the 1990s. It’s a treasured possession
– which says something, as my renunciant and itinerant lifestyle
means I can’t have many possessions. So, I’m glad to notice that
lately Ajahn Viradhammo has taken up weaving again at Tisarana
Buddhist Monastery. This was after years of serving the Sangha,
building monasteries, offering teachings – and as a craftsperson’s
touch, creating furniture for the monastery.
There’s something about weaving that is analogous to the process
of Dhamma transmission. It’s about taking threads of experience
carefully and weaving them together into a solid and unified whole,
according to certain guiding principles. In each craftsperson’s
hands, the threads and the weave have a personal and authentic
style, and unique forms and patterns may arise – but they are all
harmonious, carefully knitted, and form a Dhamma vehicle that
inspires and carries us.
Of course, words are the obvious stuff of those threads, but words
don’t stand alone: the wise ones arise from the heart, are fashioned
by the mind, and delivered at the right time. Being drawn from the
heart, true threads of Dhamma go directly to the heart of those
who listen. And when they land, they open, not more words, but
a felt clear silence. So, a true teacher is not dazzled by words or
fascinated with patterns of logic and rhetoric. Nor do they seek
to dazzle others. They use what is needed to encourage those they

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 11
 are addressing, to settle, take in what’s being presented, and see for
themselves what is revealed.
In the early days of our ongoing friendship, Ajahn Viradhammo and
I lived, worked, and meditated together at Cittaviveka Monastery
in West Sussex, UK, the first overseas branch monastery of Wat Pah
Pong. Along with the rest of the community, we’d gather after puja
each morning for breakfast in the one room that had a solid floor
and a fire. Luang Por Sumedho would preside over the meeting.
After the tea and porridge had been passed around and consumed,
and the day’s duties allocated, Luang Por would normally offer a
Dhamma reflection. There’d be a pause and then the work meeting
would begin.
The meetings, and the day itself, were saturated in the uncertainties
of a fledgling community dealing with its own emotional lurches,
as well as with the limitations and needs of the physical situation.
We had limited skills, and minimal financial support to do the
rebuilding of this nearly derelict house in the unpredictable English
weather – so there was a lot of discussion, views, and speculations
around everything: if we did this ... or maybe we could do that ... or
maybe it wasn’t possible to do this. Meanwhile, time was passing.
Ajahn Viradhammo didn’t have a lot of opinions. He would listen,
always listen. He was good at that. And at avoiding proliferation. I
think that’s what people respected about him, and still do. But after
a while he’d stop the discussion with a few well-placed words. One
of his conversation-stoppers that I remember was: ‘If my granny had
wheels, she’d be a bus.’ After a comment like that, people would
pause, pick up the hammers and shovels, put on the work boots,
and just get on with it.
Maybe realisation is like this; it’s elusive because it’s so immediate
and personally experienced that it’s beyond words, strategies,
and theories. Yet, it relies on such guides to steer this fickle heart
towards its own understanding. In this respect, the Buddha likened

12 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
his Dhamma to a raft – a simple, yet sturdy vehicle to cross the
floods of greed, hatred, and delusion. And yet, not to be hung on
to. Well, here’s another piece to make the journey more comfortable
– a book that carries a retreat, in which the threads of kindness,
integrity, mindfulness, and discernment are woven to guide the
heart through days of introspection. Woven lightly, with love.
The weaver is well-practised and generous. Other willing people
have taken his spoken words, and snipped and combed them into
a text. Sādhu!
May this offering of pointers and encouragements carry you to
your own realisation.
Ajahn Sucitto

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 13
 I N T RODUC T ION *

Ajahn Viradhammo has traditionally led a week-long residential

retreat each fall at the Galilee Centre in Arnprior, a small town
near Ottawa, Canada’s capital, upon the invitation of the Ottawa
Buddhist Society in Canada. It is a perfect place, in normal times,
for meditation. The view of the Ottawa River from the century-old
manor in a surround of maple trees naturally invites quiet reflection.
In September 2020, this favourite gathering of nearby Buddhists
had to be cancelled and moved to the virtual world. People in
Ottawa and all around the world were living through the anguish
of the deadly COVID-19 pandemic. Vaccines were not available
then. Governments resorted to lockdowns, and barred gatherings
to control the spread of infection, as no way through the deadly
disease had yet been discovered. Families were separated for
months, jobs were lost, and fear of sickness and death was palpable
in societies globally.
Therefore, the gravity and import of the Buddha’s teachings were
squarely in front of all the participants during this seven-day
virtual meditation retreat. Gathered together from around the
world on Zoom, meditators, isolated in their own homes, turned
their attention to Ajahn Viradhammo’s words of insight, empathy,
and wisdom.
The Contemplative’s Companion is both a record and a guide of
this virtual meditation retreat held during the first wave of the
COVID-19 pandemic. At that time, Ajahn Viradhammo and the
organisers from the Ottawa Buddhist Society aimed to create a

* This introduction is from the Ottawa Buddhist Society in Canada.

14 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
new virtual retreat community with solitary practitioners living
everywhere in pandemic isolation.
Participants in the retreat returned, day after day, to Ajahn
Viradhammo’s teachings ‘broadcast’ from his residence, the
Tisarana Buddhist Monastery in Perth, Ontario, Canada. There
was continuity in the teacher’s mind about what was being taught.
For example, the ideas and suggestions for practice from one talk
built on those expressed in a previous session. Guidance was offered
and a reflective process in noble silence was encouraged. Ajahn
Viradhammo’s invitation to spacious awareness permeated the
retreat, and does so in this book too. In his guided meditations,
Ajahn Viradhammo often uses single words to encourage the mind
to tune into silence. We’ve kept those one-word themes, as they
were spoken, to offer spacious opportunities for reflection.
The book’s editors decided to hold onto Ajahn’s comments
such as, ‘As I said yesterday’. They remind us of how rich the
process of questioning and reflecting can be over time. Readers
are also invited to check their understanding of words in the
Glossary (p258).
In a formal retreat, there is a gathering of stillness that steadily
deepens. To begin, a chanting and meditation format is set. The
Triple Gem of Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha is honoured.
Participants align their principles while requesting teaching from
the Elder (senior monk). Everyone listens and turns inward, in
silence. The Elder’s own experience and guiding instructions inspire
their efforts. Participants take up the instruction and move through
the rhythm of multiple meditation periods. Eating, bathing, and
sleeping are all open to awareness, as the silence deepens.
In the seclusion of a silent meditation retreat, specific instructions
and experiences offered by a teacher are explored with spaciousness.
They are sensed more clearly. Ajahn Viradhammo refers to this place
for the testing out of the Buddha’s teachings as ‘our laboratory’.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 15
 He encourages us to learn to reflect for ourselves, to ‘stand under’
the instructions given, and to try comprehending the point of the
teachings by contemplating them as best as possible throughout
the day. This teaching style mirrors the Buddha’s instructions to
the Kālāmas in the town of Kesaputta (Aṅguttara Nikāya 3:65, as
translated by Bhikkhu Bodhi):
Come, Kālāmas, do not go by oral tradition, by lineage of
teaching, by hearsay, by a collection of scriptures, by logical
reasoning, by inferential reasoning, by reasoned cogitation,
by the acceptance of a view after pondering it, by the seeming
competence of a speaker, or because you think: ‘The ascetic is
our guru.’ But when you know for yourselves: ‘These things
are wholesome; these things are blameless; these things are
praised by the wise; these things, if accepted and undertaken,
lead to welfare and happiness,’ then you should live in
accordance with them.
Another thing to keep in mind as you go through this book, or
the audio recordings that are available as a playlist on Tisarana
Buddhist Monastery's YouTube channel, is that the teachings
offered by the Forest Sangha teachers, such as Ajahn Viradhammo,
are spoken contemporaneously without notes. In that way, the
talks are a response to the needs of the time and listeners. But, as
you’ll discover, the themes are universal because the very nature of
Dhamma is akāliko (timeless).
Let us begin The Contemplative’s Companion (or your retreat, if
you’re intending on doing one while reading this book) as was done
at the retreat, and as would be done at any Theravada Buddhist
gathering, by requesting a Dhamma talk from Ajahn Viradhammo
with these traditional words of respect and devotion:

16 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 Brahmā ca lokādhipatī sahampati
Katañjalī anadhivaraṃ ayācatha
Santīdha sattāpparajakkha-jātikā
Desetu dhammaṃ anukampimaṃ pajaṃ
The Brahmā god Sahampati,
Lord of the world,
With palms joined in reverence, requested a favour:
‘Beings are here with but little dust in their eyes,
Pray, teach the Dhamma out of compassion for them.’
R ATA N AC A Ṅ K A M A N A K A Ṇ Ḍ A S U T TA , B U DD H AVA Ṁ S A , K H U DD A K A N I K ĀYA

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 17
 SA M PL E R E T R E AT
AG E N DA

6 AM– 7 AM Morning puja and meditation

7 AM– 8:30 AM Breakfast and informal practice
8:30 AM – 11 AM Meditation (Alternate between standing,
walking, sitting, and lying down practice)
11 AM – 2 PM Lunch and informal practice
2 PM – 3 PM Meditation
3 PM – 5 PM Meditation (Alternate between standing,
walking, sitting, and lying down practice)
5 PM – 6 PM Mindful movement: yoga/walk/exercise
6 PM – 7 PM Nutritious snack, rest, informal practice
7 PM – 9 PM Evening puja and meditation

18 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 A NOTE ON CHANTS

Chanting is a wholesome way to compose the mind for meditation.

There’s a tradition where practitioners use recitations to ground
themselves and sharpen their focus. Typically, chants are recited
before a formal session of meditation. You’re free to recite your
favourite set of chants.
During the 2020 retreat, participants recited the Buddha Dhamma
Saṅgha Gunā (p116) chant three times before meditation. This
chant is a reflection on the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha and is a
way to pay respect to the Triple Gem. A devotional practice in many
Theravada settings, it can often be heard near pilgrimage sites and
shrines. It solemnly marks a reverential beginning to meditations
and other spiritual endeavours in the Theravada Buddhist tradition.
Some monks chant it 108 times before their meditation each day,
which takes about two-and-a-half hours.
At the end of the evening session, the participants chanted The
Buddha’s Words on Loving-Kindness (p193).
The chants in this book are from the Chanting Book published by
Amaravati Publications. This book is the official chanting book for
all monasteries in the Luang Por Chah lineage. You can download
the two-volume PDF as well as listen to the audio versions at https://
[Link]/teachings/chanting.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 19
DAY ON E
 A W H O L E S O M E S TA RT

In Theravada Buddhism, certain formalities have been ritualised.

A meditation retreat traditionally begins with laypeople requesting
the Three Refuges and Five Precepts from the teaching Elder.
These seeming formalities are in fact important reminders to all
participants of the shared truth and reciprocity in their spiritual
path. It also reminds us that there is true happiness and peacefulness
in leading ethical and virtuous lives.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 21
 THE THREE REFUGES

In Buddhism, the Buddha, Dhamma, and Sangha are collectively

considered as the Triple Gem that protects and guides us on a
wholesome path. It is a convention to take refuge in these pillars
of faith before observing the precepts. So, we take refuge in the
historical Gautama Buddha, his teachings (Dhamma), and his
disciples (Sangha) who are leading wholesome, virtuous lives. But
this is not a mere act of sentimentality. Reciting the chant together
is a beautiful exercise in recollecting wholesome qualities and the
teachings. Taking refuge in the Buddha can be seen as remembering
the potential in all of us to awaken to how things are, just like the
Buddha. Similarly, taking refuge in the Dhamma can be considered
as a skilful reminder of the truth that awareness is apparent here
and now and is timeless. Taking refuge in the Sangha indicates our
commitment to lead virtuous, harmless lives.
Following the refuges, a layperson, on behalf of the group, requests
the monastic to offer the precepts, a set of five or eight moral
principles. These principles remind us, in a formal way, of the
lifestyle and spiritual work we have taken on.
The five training principles, in brief, are to refrain from: harming
living creatures, taking that which is not given or stealing,
sensual indulgence, unkind or false speech, and intoxication that
leads to heedlessness.
The traditional interpretation of the third precept – Kāmesu
micchācārā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi – is, ‘I undertake
the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.’ I prefer to use
the term, ‘sensual indulgence,’ to broaden the scope of this

22 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
precept, making it applicable to all aspects of the sensual world.
Linguistically, kāma refers to any kind of pleasure, enjoyment,
and desire. It is usually accompanied by an emotional longing.
In Theravada cultures, kāma has, over time, become restricted to
sexual desire.
I trained in Thailand and have many Sri Lankan and Asian friends
who are deeply connected to Buddhist culture. They relate earnestly
and beautifully to the ritual of taking precepts, especially when it is
done in a communal setting. The moral principles are lovely to recite
together. However, if you are from a Western secular background
and unfamiliar with these practices, do not worry, as they are not
necessary. There is an inherent beauty in rituals when they are
offered with a sincere heart, rather than being a forceful recitation
of a cultural artefact. While you do not need my permission to
observe precepts, the heartfelt requesting and taking of them is a
beautiful custom for moral beings to share. It gladdens the mind.
There is, in this group ritual, a recognition and a formal sense of
determination that all of us who are participating in this retreat, are
going to undertake to live in a way that is respectful of each other,
kind to each other, and honest to each other, as well as live with a
sense of restraint.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 23
 THE EIGHT PR ECEPTS

Typically, when we attend a retreat or visit a monastery, we

undertake the Eight Precepts. In that instance, the third precept
focuses on celibacy instead of fidelity:
Abrahmacariyā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from any intentional
sexual activity.
The sixth precept is about abstaining from eating at inappro-
priate times.
Vikālabhojanā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi.
I undertake the precept to refrain from eating at
inappropriate times.
Both celibacy and limiting food consumption to certain periods of
the day are not concerned with morality. These precepts stimulate
awareness of renunciation and ‘non-distraction’.
The idea behind the sixth precept is to refrain from using food to
distract yourself from boredom or disinterest with the way things
are. We train ourselves to use food as a nutriment to take care of the
body rather than as a distraction. In that way, the sixth precept is
designed to simplify our lives.

Calmness in restraint
Due to current health advisories, you are attending this retreat
virtually from your own homes. You all must individually balance
your responsibilities towards your family and participating in
this retreat. It’s easy to attend if you are on your own. However,

24 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
if you are living with other family members, remember they are
important too. You don’t want to ‘weird them out’ by only eating
dark chocolate or cheese in the evenings. In that case, restraint
would be to set boundaries. For instance, you can determine to
follow a retreat schedule and eat only at specific times or within a
certain period. When you’re outside this suggested schedule, watch
the desire to distract yourself with food. While it won’t be morally
wrong to eat after midday, the Eight Precepts are designed to help
calm and settle the mind. You are training yourself to refrain from
reacting to impulses of restlessness.
The same idea applies to entertainment, which is discussed in the
seventh precept:
Nacca-gīta-vādita-visūkadassanā
mālā-gandha-vilepana-dhāraṇa-maṇḍana-vibhūsanaṭṭhānā
veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi.
I undertake the precept to refrain from entertainment,
beautification, and adornment.
Today, you have access to a lot of media. Some of them are good,
while some are unwholesome and horrible. During this retreat,
try to not let the world of media stimulate your mind. Notice that
whatever grabs your attention on those screens are compelling, but
nonetheless distracting. Again, watching TV or YouTube is not a
moral issue, but at some point, especially on a retreat, you want to
look at the desire to distract yourself.
There’s nothing right or wrong about distractions – but notice this
type of energy that keeps you pulled into the world of experience.
When you notice the desire to step outside the precept or boundary,
you can be fully conscious of that pull of sense experience without
trying to get rid of it. In a witnessing posture, you can see the
distraction as a desire. Your mind will start to calm down as the
noticing deepens.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 25
 Let me add a note of realism. You may not be in a position to avoid all
forms of media during this virtual retreat. For example, if you are a
doctor, you’ll need to answer emails from patients. Just consider how
you can reduce distractions on this retreat.
Sense experience is neither right nor wrong. When you’re in nature,
the tall trees, the clear skies, or the movement of squirrels can be
calming and uplifting. These types of sense experiences neither
agitate the mind nor leave a lot of residues.
Skilful engagement with sense experiences can lead to calm. Unskilful
engagements can cause agitation. When I hear people talk about
politics, their stress is apparent. Why discuss it? What is the point of
the discussion? I guess you must be informed, but do you really need
to be so politically informed?
A lot of toxic stuff can come into the mind from all kinds of sources,
so protect it. Fill your mind with wholesome thoughts. For this seven-
day retreat, adopt a monastic lifestyle in your home, if you can.

26 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
REQUESTING THE THREE
REFUGES & THE FIVE/
EIGHT PR ECEPTS

[After bowing three times, with hands joined in añjali,

recite the below]

Mayaṃ Bhante tisaraṇena saha pañca/aṭṭha sīlāni yācāma

Dutiyampi mayaṃ Bhante tisaraṇena saha pañca/aṭṭha
sīlāni yācāma
Tatiyampi mayaṃ Bhante tisaraṇena saha pañca/aṭṭha sīlāni
yācāma
We/I, Venerable Sir,
request the Three Refuges and the Five/Eight Precepts.
For the second time,
We/I, Venerable Sir,
request the Three Refuges and the Five/Eight Precepts.
For the third time,
We/I, Venerable Sir,
request the Three Refuges and the Five/Eight Precepts.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 27
 TA K I N G T H E
THREE REFUGES

[Repeat, after the leader has chanted the first three lines]

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammāsambuddhassa

Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammāsambuddhassa
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammāsambuddhassa
Homage to the Blessed, Noble, and Perfectly Enlightened One.
Homage to the Blessed, Noble, and Perfectly Enlightened One.
Homage to the Blessed, Noble, and Perfectly Enlightened One.

Buddhaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi

Dhammaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
Saṅghaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
To the Buddha I go for refuge.
To the Dhamma I go for refuge.
To the Saṅgha I go for refuge.

Dutiyampi buddhaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi

Dutiyampi dhammaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
Dutiyampi saṅghaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
For the second time, to the Buddha I go for refuge.
For the second time, to the Dhamma I go for refuge.
For the second time, to the Saṅgha I go for refuge.

28 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 Tatiyampi buddhaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
Tatiyampi dhammaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
Tatiyampi saṅghaṃ saraṇaṃ gacchāmi
For the third time, to the Buddha I go for refuge.
For the third time, to the Dhamma I go for refuge.
For the third time, to the Saṅgha I go for refuge.

[L E A DE R]

Tisaraṇa-gamanaṃ niṭṭhitaṃ
This completes the going to the Three Refuges.

[R E S P ON SE]
Āma bhante
Yes, Venerable Sir.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 29
 TA K I N G T H E
FIVE PR ECEPTS

[ Repeat each precept after the leader ]

1 Pāṇātipātā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi

I undertake the precept to refrain from taking the life of any
living creature.
2 Adinnādānā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is
not given.
3 Kāmesu micchācārā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.
4 Musāvādā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from lying.
5 Surāmeraya-majja-pamādaṭṭhānā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ
samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from consuming
intoxicating drink and drugs which lead to carelessness.

[L E A DE R]
Imāni pañca sikkhāpadāni These are the Five Precepts;
Sīlena sugatiṃ yanti virtue is the source of happiness,
Sīlena bhogasampadā virtue is the source of true wealth,
Sīlena nibbutiṃ yanti virtue is the source of peacefulness –
Tasmā sīlaṃ visodhaye Therefore let virtue be purified.

[R E S P ON SE]
Sādhu, sādhu, sādhu
[ Bow three times ]

30 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 TA K I N G T H E
EIGHT PR ECEPTS

[ Repeat each precept after the leader ]

1 Pāṇātipātā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi

I undertake the precept to refrain from taking the life of any
living creature.
2 Adinnādānā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is
not given.
3 Abrahmacariyā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from any intentional
sexual activity.
4 Musāvādā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from lying.
5 Surāmeraya-majja-pamādaṭṭhānā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ
samādiyāmi
I undertake the precept to refrain from consuming
intoxicating drink and drugs which lead to carelessness.
6 Vikālabhojanā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi.
I undertake the precept to refrain from eating at
inappropriate times.
7 Nacca-gīta-vādita-visūkadassanā mālā-gandha-vilepana
dhāraṇa-maṇḍana-vibhūsanaṭṭhānā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ
samādiyāmi.
I undertake the precept to refrain from entertainment,
beautification, and adornment.
8 Uccāsayana-mahāsayanā veramaṇī sikkhāpadaṃ samādiyāmi.
I undertake the precept to refrain from lying on a high or
luxurious sleeping place.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 31
 [L E A DE R]
Imāni aṭṭha sikkhāpadāni

[R E S P ON SE]
Imāni aṭṭha sikkhāpadāni
Imāni aṭṭha sikkhāpadāni
Imāni aṭṭha sikkhāpadāni
I undertake these Eight Precepts.
I undertake these Eight Precepts.
I undertake these Eight Precepts.

[L E A DE R]
Imāni aṭṭha sikkhāpadāni
Sīlena sugatiṃ yanti
Sīlena bhogasampadā
Sīlena nibbutiṃ yanti
Tasmā sīlaṃ visodhaye
These are the Eight Precepts;
virtue is the source of happiness,
virtue is the source of true wealth,
virtue is the source of peacefulness –
Therefore let virtue be purified.

[R E S P ON SE]
Sādhu, sādhu, sādhu
[ Bow three times ]

32 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 T H E L A N G UAG E
OF R EFLECTION

The Buddha’s teaching is a reflective one. It is not a doctrine to

blindly believe. While blind belief is fine, it isn’t liberating. So, how
can one reflect on the teachings?
Imagine two people arguing about the meaning of the word,
‘dukkha’. One person translates it as ‘suffering’ while the
other understands dukkha as ‘stress’. These terms are merely
conditioned definitions.
Language is tricky. Sometimes spiritual or doctrinal language can
result in people taking seemingly opposing positions. Take the
above example, dukkha is ‘suffering’ to person A but means ‘stress’
to person B.
Arguing about historical or linguistic accuracy can be a red herring.
It can take us away from contemplating and understanding the
dukkha in our lives.
When teachers offer words for reflection, listeners may know the
word and even its meaning, but they sometimes stop there. You
can better understand the word’s value by pausing and reflecting
inwardly.
Here’s an example of how we tend to use language. Just
before this meeting Venerable Amarasiri (a resident monk at
Tisarana) and I were thinking about the word, ‘virtual’. It
seems virtual comes from the term, ‘virtue’. Isn’t that strange?
Then we tried to find the connection between virtual and
virtue. We did find a definition for virtue and the connection

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 33
 between the two terms. The whole exercise was very clever, but it
wasn’t really Dhamma because it was not reflective.

Listening with the heart

The reflective capacity we are developing takes the words of the
teacher and consciously brings them into our personal experiences.
My words may have a different connotation to you. For instance, I
may use the word, ‘virtue,’ to describe morality, but to you, ‘virtue,’
may mean something else. Hence the finer points of tone and spirit
of the language are worth noting for reflection. Contemplate:
‘What are they talking about, really?’ Focus on the tone, the spirit
of the talk and, of course, the meaning of the word(s).
Luang Por Chah would describe this process as listening with your
heart. Don’t listen with your head. When listening to Dhamma,
the head sometimes goes into a critical, judging, or analytical state.
Whereas when listening with the heart, you are open and freely
allowing the ideas to come in. It is a receptive experience. With a
receptive heart you can contemplate: ‘Where does that idea fit into
my understanding of my spiritual practice?’

Attunement
I was listening to a podcast this morning on the rebooting of the
education system in South Carolina, USA, during this pandemic.
The podcast host highlighted that everyone – teachers, government
agencies, children, and parents – were finding it difficult to go back
to school after a long closure due to the COVID-19 pandemic. It’s
indeed a complex problem. When the host had to take a break, he
said, ‘Stay tuned, I’ll be back after the break.’
The phrase, ‘stay tuned,’ caught my attention. That is a good way
to look at meditation.

34 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Meditation can be like tuning into something or staying attuned to
something. I find this language more helpful than terms suggesting
concentration on an object.
Tuned into what, though? I would suggest something wholesome
and good that brings happiness and pleasure into the heart. So,
tuning in and staying that way for long periods of time would be
sammā samādhi (sustained attention on suffering and its end).
In my own practice, I typically tune in with a word. I have a lexicon
of reflective words that help me attune to that which is wholesome
in the heart.
For instance, I’ve been tuning into ‘affection’. It is a beautiful word
and rich in meaning – not intellectually, but in sensitivity.
One of the ways I attune to affection is by looking at the photos and
statues in my room. I have pictures of Luang Por Sumedho, Luang
Por Chah, my first teacher, Luang Por Liem, pictures of the Sangha,
Sri Ramana Maharshi, Jean Klein and many others. They’re all very
meaningful to me. When I look at a photo of someone dear to me
– be it my mom or teacher – feelings of gratitude and affection arise
in the heart. In that moment, I’m not thinking. Instead, I’m tuning
into the wholesome feelings in the heart.
I can sustain these wholesome qualities of affection and gratitude
both by looking at the photos and abiding with the heartfelt qual-
ities they evoke. When I’m bored, I’ll look at Sri Ramana’s or Lu-
ang Por Chah’s photos or light a candle for my mom. This exercise
always helps me tune into affection, which is a wholesome feeling.

Tuning into affection

Affection is different from sentimentality, which can become
exaggerated and nostalgic. When I’m gazing at a photo of Luang Por
Sumedho, I’m neither wishing he was here nor missing his physical
presence. Affection is not a thought. It is rather felt in the body. It

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 35
 is a wholesome form of energy or vibration. We could describe this
as a note to tune into.
I tune into that note a lot during meditations as well as when
observing nature. There is a lot of beauty around me, which can
evoke that same sense of wholesome affection. Unpleasant feelings
or emotions, such as fear, aversion, or self-disparagement, are also
strongly noticed as they arise within this familiar energy field of
wholesome affection. At that moment, if I can return to tuning
into affection, then the aversive thought or negativity, by contrast,
is known and loses its power.
As the practice deepens over time, you will appreciate abiding in the
still, loving, caring note of affection. Also, this contrast between
negative and wholesome feelings will become sharper. You will be
able to give negative thoughts and feelings space to fully manifest as
well as attend to them without any distractions.

We can offer something in return

Most of us are guided by and can suffer from a high sense of
idealism, as we’re all good people, and want peace and happiness.
We wouldn’t be participating in a retreat if that wasn’t the case.
Having said that, as soon as negativities come into consciousness,
we quickly judge them as not being ‘ideal’ and try to get rid of
them. We get caught up in a tussle with them. This is unhelpful.
Therefore, tuning into affection is essentially mettā bhāvanā
(cultivating loving-kindness). These days, mettā bhāvanā is seen as
a meditation technique where loving-kindness is extended either in
four directions to all sentient beings or to different types of people.
There is a sense of a self ‘doing’ mettā instead of abiding in it.
I’m trying to use a different word for mettā in the hope that it might
prompt a more reflective response in you. So, consider affection.
How does it manifest in your lives? Is it dependent on external

36 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
factors? For instance, is your life only affectionate when you’re
struck by some image or person who is kind or brings that out in
you? Can you bring affection back into the world? I would say this is
what meditation is trying to do for us. It is bringing wholesomeness
and goodness into our lives – not only for ourselves, but also to give
back to the world.
Sometimes, our actions are like ocean waves that roll into the
shore and pull back sand when receding. Is that all we are? Are
we just reactive?
When things are wholesome and beautiful, we are affectionate.
When they are not, we can become grumpy. Fortunately, there is
another way to live. We don’t have to be victims to the wave that is
coming in. We can offer something wholesome in return.
Meditation brings goodness into our lives and hearts. Practice
enhances and strengthens goodness. Our outward response to the
world can then come from that wholesome place.
There is joy in being able to respond to negativity with the attitude
of: ‘No, I’m not going to take up that tune. I don’t want to play that
tune right now. Thank you.’
This is not a rejection, aversion, or a desire to get rid of negativities.
It is more like: ‘Well, that’s a different tune. I’m choosing to go back
and pick up the wholesome tune of affection.’
So, what note can you attune to that would take you to
wholesomeness? You might call it ‘calm,’ ‘composure,’ ‘collected-
ness,’ or something else. Use language that is meaningful to you.
This contemplative approach to meditation is different from
trying to get something. You’re in trouble if you are trying to get
some object or have an objective experience during meditation
because you’re not in tune with the way things are.
Being in tune with the way things are is the capacity to awaken
to this moment in all its complexities, whether good, bad, or

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 37
 indifferent. That is the basic work of the human choir as well as an
individual singer. You come into and know the moment. As we say,
‘Awaken to the way things are.’
The instruction to awaken to the way things are is not facile or easy.
It’s profound. The language is very elegant. As Luang Por Sumedho
says, ‘It’s like this.’ This is an incredibly elegant statement. If you
reflect in this way, then you are in tune with the way things are.
This is the first and primary consideration of any contemplative life
– be it meditative or a life of service.
In your meditations, how do you remember this moment? How
does it work for you? Do you use language or imagery, or do you
just do it?
From that awakening to the moment, you can begin to know the
tune, vibration, and energy that is moving through you. This energy
is different from the narrative you’re caught in. The storyline or the
past and future kind of self that we always get involved in is not very
skilled. For example, if I’m angry or irritated, or trying to achieve an
ideal state of ‘non-aversion’ in my practice, then I’m preoccupied,
unavailable, and not in tune with what is going on now.
Awakening to the way things are is quite difficult. It’s very different
from the habitual pull of self-narrative, which is simply the thinking
of ‘me’ and ‘mine’ projected onto the way things are. Being with
the way things are is deeper because it is pre-thought. It helps to
‘stand under’ the present moment. It is not coloured by views
and perceptions. Take anger, for instance. There’s an important
difference between feeling anger and having angry thoughts about
someone else.
Luang Por Chah would advise, ‘Sop arom,’ which means, ‘Know
the mood of the mind.’ Is it aversion, fear, or some other feeling?
Now, knowing the moods of the mind is not a judgement,
rather an observation that they can persist as feelings. I’m not
saying you shouldn’t feel aversion or fear. There will be times

38 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
when a negative thought or mood persists because persistence is
one of its characteristics.

Emotional signs of liberation

Teachers are going to be stressing on the awakened mind until you
die. You must be curious forever. It’s amazing how easily we can
forget the awakened mind. We know it, and yet, we tend to forget
ourselves in thoughts about the past and future.
I suggest you use your meditation as a platform to tune into
presence. You can then refine that tuning by cultivating a sense
of composure and collectedness. How would you do that? Would
blindly concentrating on something work?
We are heart beings. Our human condition brings with it emotions
that are very important in a positive sense. The Buddha often
spoke of abiding with the heart, which he called the brahmavihāras
(loving-kindness, compassion, joy, and peace). We have a capacity
for compassion, caring, and peace. These are the emotional signs
of liberation as well as of a successful and fruitful contemplative
life. I find the combination of awakening to the way things are
and abiding with the heart very good. We can know what the
heart is experiencing.

Mettā: How do you understand it?

What word would you choose to describe mettā bhāvanā? What
about affection? How would that word become an important part
of your meditative life?
Ask yourself, ‘How could I sustain affection? How might that work
for me?’ Then take that into whatever object of meditation you use.
Obviously, I’ll teach certain objects of meditation. But more than
technique, what attitude are you bringing to your meditation? Is
it striving? Is it one of falling asleep? Does it have affection in it? Is
affection unimportant?

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 39
 Affection is pleasurable. When you’re going to meditate for seven
days like we’re doing in this retreat, it would be helpful if it was
pleasant. Now, eating a tub of ice cream could be pleasurable, but
would it be a welcome experience if you ate it for seven days?
The pleasure I’m talking about is different because mettā allows
things to be as they are, which is beautiful. This way, we allow
beauty and pleasure to abide in the heart. Sometimes we assume
that we’re supposed to just grind it out to enlightenment. However,
an enlightened heart is a happy one. Remember all the great teachers
you’ve met. Do they look miserable? They are usually jolly people
because mettā bhāvanā is the foundation of their practice.
The Buddha’s teaching talks about suffering and the end of
suffering. It is important to remember that the teaching talks
about the end of suffering, not just dukkha. Remember that there
is an end to suffering. When we abide in the brahmavihāras – the
wholesome states of the heart and consciousness that are based on
affection, goodwill, and goodness – then we have pleasure in the
heart. A happy heart has the energy to investigate and contemplate
for long periods of time. So, what is pleasurable in your meditation?
Of course, the body sometimes is not pleasurable. It hurts. Is there
something pleasant in your attitude? Or is it one of just striving?
How would you cultivate an affectionate attitude? Try looking at
the photo of a loved one and reflect on the feeling that arose. Did
that feel nice? Was it a great feeling? Then challenge yourself by
sustaining that pleasantness for, maybe, a breath. The experiment
would be to combine an attitude of goodness and wholesomeness
with an affectionate regard for one in-breath and an affectionate
regard for one out-breath – which isn’t sentimental. It’s hard to do.
But if you could do that for a few breaths, you’re collecting and
composing the mind, while your heart stays open. You won’t be
controlling the mind in a wilful way. Try this experiment and see
how it unfolds.

40 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH OB JEC TS

Awakening, listen to the sounds around you so that you’re in tune

with what’s going on now. The type or quality of sound doesn’t
matter. Just be in tune with it. You’re here with it. You know that
you know. Just savour the silence of knowing.

Then feel your body. Bring into consciousness the bodily

sensations you’re experiencing. Consider the body that’s sitting
here with affection and kindness – and stay with the
silence of knowing.

You could now localise your attention. Go to the centre of your

chest. Feel the rise and fall of the chest with the breath. Abide
with a sense of care for this experience.

Then, introduce a picture of someone dear to you. Name or

visualise the person for whom affection and gratitude arises (e.g.
your teacher). On the in-breath, let that image come into your
heart. A sense of affection will naturally arise. Now, just be with
the breath with an affectionate attitude.
DAY T WO
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH SOUND

We’ll sit, lie, walk, or stand for about 45 minutes. Get yourself into
a good posture.

Last night, I was talking about tuning into the present moment. I
like to use sound. So, listen to sound. Tune into it. Oddly enough,
you also tune into silence because, in the sound, there is also the
silence of knowing. Savour or appreciate the silence of knowing
by just listening to sound.

Then try to evoke the feelings of kindness or affection. One way

to do that is to bring attention to the centre of your chest. Feel
the breath rising and falling at the chest. Keep savouring the
silence of knowing.

On the in-breath, think of someone dear to you. Name them on

the in-breath. On the out-breath, wish them, ‘May you be well.’
Let their image and name trigger affection in you. Tune into that
sensibility and empower it by saying, ‘May you be well.’

When that attunement with affection or kindness becomes

strong and steady, let it be the tone of your awareness.

Continue to be aware of the breath with that attitude of kindness

until the end of the session.
It’s interesting to practise for an hour, two hours, or longer than
that. It’s not a matter of wilfully sitting for long periods of time.
Young monks do that; they try to clock in as many hours of formal
practice as possible. It’s not a matter of clocking in the hours.

Luang Por Chah would say, ‘Water buffalos can stay still for
eight hours.’

What is important is the quality of curiosity, of investigating

what’s happening during long periods of non-distraction. So, see
if you can bring that quality of curiosity into your meditation.
 R E C E P T I V E K NOW I NG

On the ridge of a mountain, you naturally have a visceral sense

of space. That experience will help you tune into a feeling of
spaciousness. A centre like Galilee, which is dedicated to holding
retreats and designed to encourage contemplation, is also helpful
for tuning into that sense of space. If you are in New Delhi, New
York, Toronto, or another busy city, you might not have the ideal
conditions to tune into spaciousness. What do you do then? What
do you do the rest of the time, when you are not in retreat, which
is much longer really? Is there a way to tune into this feeling of
spaciousness without a supportive physical environment?
We are where we are. Our theme or the project is ‘knowing’ and
developing acceptance in the midst of where we are and tuning into
something wholesome and good.
Meditation is difficult. Although we call this a virtual retreat, our
experience is very real. It is in real time, with a real body, mind,
and conditions. One of the problems the Buddha points out, which
I think is important, is resistance or vibhava-taṇhā in Pali. It is a
kind of craving. This desire to not have, to get rid of, to repress, to
deny, or to disassociate is a direct cause of suffering. It is the ‘not
wanting’ part of our minds. It is different from hatred and aversion.
It is deeper than that.
This sense of resistance is often strong in good-hearted people
because of our pursuit of ideals. We want to live a good life without
harming others. When seemingly harmful impulses or negative,
‘not-ideal’ thoughts arise, we quite often resist realising them.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 45
 Instead, we feel discomfort and indulge in self-disparagement, self-
criticism, or self-judgement. The whole situation becomes complex.

Spacious, awake

Last night, I was suggesting the word, ‘affection,’ which I really like.
In some way, we are all trying to tune into goodness, spaciousness,
and this sense of affection or mettā bhāvanā. If we can tune into
affection even when we’re not meditating – as a way of considering
and being with life – then we can approach the negativities that arise
in consciousness with the same sense of openness and affection,
rather than resistance.
There is nothing wrong with aversion or negative thoughts. This
is what the mind does. The habit is conditioned. At the same time,
there can be resistance to having the aversion, a fear of aversion could
overtake you, or you simply do not want those habitual aversive
thoughts. It is skilful to understand that the arising of aversion in
the mind is not wrong. It is just an old habit that is coming into
consciousness. Use awareness to cultivate a larger perspective on
it. Contemplate a sense of spaciousness and openness. Use Luang
Por Sumedho’s insights of, ‘it all belongs,’ and ‘it’s like this.’ This
awareness practice allows thought to be as it is – without making it
into a problem. Thoughts arise and cease, as is their nature.
There will be a sense of unease and resistance if you don’t cultivate
a way of tuning into spaciousness. You’ll experience an internal
struggle between the desire to either be that which is deemed to be
good or ideal and wanting to get rid of the bad or that which you
don’t want. This is not optimal. Buddhist meditation helps develop
trust in awareness. That’ll help you to tune into old, conditioned
habits of resistance and break free by accepting them.

46 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Not your nature
On a moral level, we restrain ourselves from harming others and
ourselves. There can be restraint in body and speech. In terms of
habit, the mind can produce negative thoughts, but it’s not wrong.
It is not really your essential nature; it is just the way the mind has
been conditioned.
It is not wrong for a tree to get knocked down by lightning, as
nature operates in that way. What is of value is the awareness, or
witnessing, of this movement that takes you to something beyond
the natural phenomena.
Noticing natural phenomena can bring a sense of relaxation and
ease into your mind. For instance, it is deemed helpful for monks
to live communally as a sangha at the edge of a village or in the
forest, rather than in the middle of the town. While this practice is
encouraged, it’s not liberating. The helpful setting is not liberating if
it is not ‘seen’. The clear blue sky is spacious, uplifting, and beautiful
to me. It creates in me a wholesome effect. If I’m attached to the
beauty, then I will suffer when staying in a different environment.
On the other hand, if I understand that the beauty and wonder of
nature are things I can appreciate and know for what they truly
are, then I am able to go to that knowing rather than the object.
In this way, the object is bringing me to a sense of realisation that
there is, in consciousness, this deep sensibility and silent knowing,
which I can always access. Knowing does not depend on the blue
sky because knowing is about my mind. It is about consciousness.
In meditation, tune into the sense of space, silence, mettā, affection,
or goodness. Then try to make that attunement to goodness and
spaciousness stronger.
It is a noticing and a sustaining of something wholesome and good
rather than a forceful conquering of things or a wilful becoming.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 47
 This is not an intellectual process. Rather, it is about waiting,
tuning in, and bringing sensitivity to silence.
On this retreat, I suggest you do not try to figure out anything.
Give yourself a break. Forget about it. See that in the trusting of
awareness, and in the patience and receptivity of awareness, truth
is revealed.
When I say truth is revealed, you may think, ‘Oh, I’m going to
get some revelation. My head’s going to burst open.’ Now, that is
another Dhamma talk. Whatever language you use, you run into
this problem of becoming, creating a future state (bhava-taṇhā)
and getting rid of (vibhava-taṇhā).
The awake or aware mind is not becoming anything or trying to get
rid of anything.
I am hoping to persuade all of us, including myself, to come to
that important middle ground where the movement is not who
we are. Rather, we are the silent knowing of that movement; the
compassionate knowing, allowing that movement.

48 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S W ITH E XPER IENCE S

When meditating, how do you remind yourself about the way

things are? I use sound. By just listening to sound, presence
becomes obvious, so go ahead and listen to sound.

Notice that within the sound, there is also the silence of knowing,
so tune into that.

You are not trying to become anything, and you are not resisting
anything. Tune into that way of being. Also, you are not consuming
anything. You are not absorbed into thought or experience
per se. You know experience.

This is the awake mind; the state of non-becoming and

non-resistance.

You could either spend the rest of this meditation in that simple
mode of listening, or you could localise your attention. Pick
something that is a bit more concrete. For example, you can
localise your attention on the breath. But notice the knowing is
still silent.

Your engagement with the object of meditation is not intended

to attain anything, but to simply know the feeling of breathing.

If you are feeling sleepy or dull, you can sharpen the focus by
breathing deeply and more energetically.
It is fruitful to start meditating with an attitude of kindness. So,
bring attention to the centre of your chest. Feel the rise and fall
of your breath. Then imagine and name someone dear to you on
the in-breath. On the out-breath, wish them, ‘May you be well.’

Now the awareness is in tune with kindness. Remember, you are

not trying to become a kind person – because you already have
that as a possibility.

You can refresh that kind attitude by wishing other people

well until that note is clear in consciousness. Then you can let
go of the names and people. Just be with the breath with an
affectionate sensitivity and a kind regard. You can sustain that
note for long periods with the breath. Breathing becomes a way
of collecting and composing the mind: One in-breath, one out-
breath, collecting and composing, and so on.

Stay with this attitude of kind regard or mettā for the rest
of the meditation.
 AN EVEN
I N T ERCH A NGE

When I initially used to teach mettā bhāvanā, it was with the

usual lists you find in the texts. You move through a list of living
beings – first, the ones you love, then those who evoke neutral
feelings, and, finally, the people you might be averse to. In 1999,
I was teaching a retreat in Auckland, New Zealand. At that time
Belgrade, Serbia, was being bombed in the horrible Kosovo War.
One day, I introduced mettā bhāvanā. Two of the practitioners
were compassionate, loving, and caring women. I asked one of
them, ‘How’s the sharing of mettā going?’
She responded, ‘I can’t do it. I can’t cover everyone.’ She had a big
family with lots of children and aunties. She was trying to cover
everyone. Her understanding was that she had to give equal mettā
to all of them, and she could not fit them all into the 45-minute
sitting. The other woman was imagining the people who were
suffering due to the war and was trying to send mettā to heal them.
She was crying. While these were kind thoughts, they were not the
practice’s intention.
Sometimes, mettā bhāvanā gets conflated with prayer. Sending
mettā to whoever you want to is fine. It is a nice way of thinking.
I’m not rejecting the idea of sending mettā. Rather, I am suggesting
that once we are in tune with the open heart – filled with affection
and appreciation – we abide with that attunement. When we go
out of tune or are on a different note (e.g. self-disparagement,
harsh judgements, or fearful prospects), we can more easily return
to open-heartedness – or try to remember that attunement.
This isn’t prayer.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 51
 Certainly, beings have radiance. I remember a lay friend once telling
me how, when she walked near Luang Por Chah, she could feel his
mettā and love as a vibration. I am not dismissing the energetic
possibility of human radiance or the idea that I am someone praying
for someone else. To me, mettā bhāvanā is about cultivating a way
of presence, an even interchange. It is not conflicted by separation
or alienation, which is a result of the feelings of aversion, fear, and
greed. Mettā is fuelled by affection, appreciation, and compassion.
It is the way to go beyond boundaries of an ego and self, and all
of that from which we suffer. It is not a sending out, but more a
remembering of something that is not foreign to us. We all know
affection. We just have to look at a picture of someone dear
to us to know it.
Now, how can we return to that in meditation? We can do it
quite deliberately like an exercise, as described in the previous
meditation (p49). That creates a kind of vibration or knowing
in consciousness. When we encounter complexities, we can
pick up on the different ‘note,’ be it fear, criticism, or another
negative feeling.
It’s helpful to remember that those notes are neither right nor wrong.
We go to thought a lot. Affectionate awareness helps us bypass inner
arguments and come to a wholesome place by knowing the mind
is the mind. This is called citta sampajañña or cittānupassanā, the
third foundation of mindfulness. You know the mind is the mind.
You also understand that you can learn what is skilful and unskilful
by training and cultivating the mind. We can train to be present in
complexity and to remember to return to an even interchange. In
this way it becomes a constant presence in our lives. We can touch
that ‘knowing’.
What happens then? The tendency to move away from negativity
and resistance will reduce. The openness of the heart is very effective.
Again, this is not sentimental. It is hard work. It is very subtle and

52 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
interesting. It is not a wilful attempt to become enlightened, which
is a disaster; take it from me. An open heart is interesting, kind,
beautiful, and pleasant. How else are we going to sustain this work
of inner understanding?
There is a lot of ‘warrior’ attitude in Buddhist circles; you’re fighting
pain, defilements, or Māra (the lord of death; symbol for any root
or cause for a defilement or deluded mind-state). This language is
quite masculine. I tried that in the early days because I was wilful,
but it did not make me happy. It ruined my knees, among other
things. You can be determined, but it does not have to be harsh or
self-disparaging. It can be a type of careful diligence in kindness
and sensitivity.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 53
 THE HINDR ANCE
OF TOR POR

If we had been at the Galilee Centre now, we would have had lunch,
coffee, perhaps a snooze or a walk, and then sat for meditation.
About half of the meditators would fall asleep. There is a real
challenge to post-meal meditation. It can be soporific. One of the
challenges to meditation is dullness. The best antidote is probably
a change of posture. At the monastery, if dullness arises during
meditation, a monk can step outside and do walking meditation.
Obviously, if you are really exhausted, sleep.
As a hindrance, dullness can become insidious and a habit. If
dullness is coming into consciousness, there isn’t enough body
awareness, and your attention is preoccupied with thought. It is a
particular kind of ‘oatmeal thought’ – very thick and dulling. The
body responds with little or no vitality. The whole posture collapses
and you’re nodding off.
One needs to establish enough samādhi or presence to get into the
‘game’ of knowing what your body is doing. We can do this by
establishing a strong sense of the neck and spine, getting in touch
with the body, and bringing attention quite deliberately down
to the hara (the soft belly area). Awareness of posture brings you
into breathing from the hara rather than being in your head. After
establishing the posture, inquire: ‘Where is the nodding taking
place? How does that arise in consciousness?’ If you can see the
arising of dullness, then you tend not to get reborn or lost in it.
Pain is easier to deal with because it keeps you awake. Dullness just
takes you to another universe, away from the present moment. If

54 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
dullness is constant, inquire into it, and do not try to get rid of it.
Ask yourself: ‘Why can’t I be aware of the hara? Why can’t I be
aware of the chest? Why can’t I be aware of the whole spine so much
so that I’m not even aware I’m nodding off?’
During one retreat, I suggested meditators video themselves to see
what’s going on, as everyone has a camera now. It’s an interesting
exercise. If you are restless and shifting all the time, then you’ll
notice: ‘Wow! Look at that! I’m shifting every five minutes.’ Shifting
postures during meditation is neither illegal nor a moral issue but
it is uddhacca (restlessness or excitement). You may also notice that
you’re nodding off during meditation.
Stillness of the body is an interesting object of awareness, whether
you do lying or sitting meditation. The body isn’t held rigidly with
an attitude of wilfulness. There’s simply a deep sense of stillness
in the body. Now, how do you do that? That becomes a way of
inquiring into the posture and the energy that is being produced.

Inject optimism into meditation

I spoke earlier of approaching meditation with an attitude of affection
or kindness. In the Visuddhimagga, a fifth century encyclopaedical
commentary on Theravada Buddhism by Venerable Buddhaghosa,
classical meditation is talked about in an interesting manner. The
first step in the meditation process is to pay homage to the Buddha.
In a bhakti (devotion) culture, you bow three times to the Buddha
image or stupa with a sense of veneration. This act brings up a lot
of optimism in me because the Buddhist teaching doesn't just talk
about suffering. It also points to the end of suffering.
The Buddha’s realisation is profoundly optimistic. We human
beings have the possibility to end suffering. Now you can see
how paying homage to the Buddha could introduce into your
meditation a sense of optimism. We Westerners don’t have a bhakti
culture. Malaysians, Sri Lankans, and people from countries where

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 55
 Buddhist culture is mainstream have that reverence. We tend to be
more secular and cynical. So, how would you cultivate bhakti? Is
there value in that for you? Obviously, I have been a monk for a
long time, so it is easy for me to bow to a Buddha rūpa (form) and
bring up a sense of gratitude for the Buddha’s enlightenment. I also
extend this sense of reverence and gratitude to my teachers.
In the book of his teachings, No Worries, Luang Por Liem, the
abbot of Wat Nong Pah Pong, the monastery founded by Luang
Por Chah in Thailand, said he would set up his meditation cushion
facing his teacher (Luang Por Chah), wear his triple robes – the full
monastic attire – and bow to Luang Por Chah three times before
beginning his practice. I remember Luang Por Liem’s kuti was
nearly 200 metres away from Luang Por Chah’s with a fair amount
of forest in between.
There was a formality in Luang Por Liem’s approach to meditation.
I suppose he was bringing forth this beautiful quality, however you
want to describe it, of the heart.
Then, as it says in the Visuddhimagga, the practitioner does mettā
bhāvanā, which brings up the heartfelt qualities of gratitude and
kindness. This preparation creates a wholesome way of observing
your object of meditation because it is suffused with warmth,
optimism, and beauty. The book recommends us to then pick up
the object of meditation. That’s why I was suggesting that you first
go to the heart centre and allow kindness, appreciation, or affection
to become conscious. Get that going first. Then pick up the object
of meditation with that kind, affectionate attitude. This way, there
is a sense of pleasure and beauty, and it’s easier to meditate. You may
still fall asleep. What do you do then? What would Luang Por Liem
do? Well, for one thing, change the posture and recognise dullness
as a hindrance. Just know that it’s difficult to stay in the ‘game’. Do
standing or walking meditation if you’re feeling dull.

56 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Stop meditating
We can do many things to address sleepiness. I would say, the secret
is around the spine. If you are sleepy, you must basically make a
determination to stop meditating because it is not working. You have
to look around and stop doing what you’re doing. Again, just know
what’s going on in a very mundane way. Try to keep your eyes open,
set up a posture and then make your meditation an investigation
into what happens when sleepiness arises. Where does the attention
go? What kind of thoughts are arising? What’s happening in the
spine? Sustain this inquiry until you know sleepiness.
You can also try to lift your spine. I developed a method of putting
a lot of energy into the small of the spine, pushing my hara forward
and imagining my head being pulled upward to the ceiling. That
gave a good yogic stretch to the spine and brought a good flow of
energy. I combined that with deep breathing. Then I settled into
the meditation posture. This way, I had a platform from where I
could see how I lost balance and fell into dullness.
When there was a relapse, I would tell myself, ‘Okay! Get the
posture established. Open the eyes. Stop meditating. Do something
very coarse and obvious.’ I would breathe very deeply, then go back
and set up the posture until I figured out how dullness worked in
my meditation. It probably took me a year to figure that out. From
then on, I was much more aware of the arising of dullness in the
body. I also had an antidote to the problem.
You can’t just wilfully get rid of these hindrances. You have to
understand how they work. It is not a matter of getting rid of
sleepiness. Aversion to dullness doesn’t work. You will fall asleep
if you try to get rid of it. It is like taking an interest in something
boring. Life is often boring, isn’t it?

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 57
 HOM AG E TO
THE BUDDHA

[Handa mayaṃ buddhābhitthutiṃ karomase]

[Now let us chant in praise of the Buddha.]
Yo so tathāgato arahaṃ sammāsambuddho
The Tathāgata is the Pure One, the Perfectly Enlightened
One.
Vijjācaraṇa-sampanno
He is impeccable in conduct and understanding,
Sugato
The Accomplished One,
Lokavidū
The Knower of the Worlds.
Anuttaro purisadamma-sārathi
He trains perfectly those who wish to be trained.
Satthā deva-manussānaṃ
He is Teacher of gods and humans.
Buddho bhagavā
He is awake and holy.

58 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 Yo imaṃ lokaṃ sadevakaṃ samārakaṃ sabrahmakaṃ
In this world with its gods, demons, and kind spirits,
Sassamaṇa-brāhmaṇiṃ pajaṃ sadeva-manussaṃ sayaṃ
abhiññā sacchikatvā pavedesi
Its seekers and sages, celestial and human beings, he has by
deep insight revealed the Truth.
Yo dhammaṃ desesi ādi-kalyāṇaṃ majjhe-kalyāṇaṃ
pariyosāna-kalyāṇaṃ
He has pointed out the Dhamma: beautiful in the
beginning, beautiful in the middle, beautiful in the end.
Sātthaṃ sabyañjanaṃ kevala-paripuṇṇaṃ parisuddhaṃ
brahma-cariyaṃ pakāsesi
He has explained the Spiritual Life of complete purity in its
essence and conventions.
Tam-ahaṃ bhagavantaṃ abhipūjayāmi tam-ahaṃ
bhagavantaṃ sirasā namāmi
I chant my praise to the Blessed One, I bow my head to the
Blessed One.
[bow]

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 59
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH THE B ODY

How do you feel now? It is very warm in this south-facing room.

I’ll use that as my beginning: ‘This is the way warmth feels. The
body feels hot.’

You are awakening. In that awakening, you will also notice the
silence of knowing how you feel.

Listen to sound, and then the body. How does the body feel?
How does breathing feel?

Now, let’s bring up a sense of kindness. Go to the centre of the

chest. Breathing in, wish yourself, ‘May I be well.’ Breathing out,
wish, ‘May all beings be well.’

Let’s do something more extreme by expanding the breath. So,

breathe more deeply. Take a long breath in and a long breath out.
Try to make the in and out breaths an even length. Take a nice,
long breath in. Make the out-breath smooth. Notice that when
the mind’s a bit lazy you don’t want to do that. You do not want
to sustain that. You want to come to a normal breath. Again, take
a long breath in and a long breath out.

Now let’s stretch the spine. Take a long breath in. On the out-
breath, stretch the upper half of the spine up through the head
to the ceiling. Take a long breath in and stretch up on the out-
breath. This opens your chest. The back of your neck is also
straightening. It is quite extreme, but not in a hurtful way. Try to
sustain that tall posture on the in-breath. Again, long breath in
and stretch up on the out-breath. Basically, you are just feeling
the upper spine rise to the ceiling. The chest is very open.

Stay with the long breath. Then do the same thing with the lower
spine, so you can feel the intercostals moving and the bottom
pushing into the cushion. Take a long breath in. Push and stretch
down like the roots of a tree on the out-breath. Now both ways,
stretch up while taking a long breath in and push down on the
out-breath.

Let go of that and breathe normally.

Now, you have a sense of a straight, tall spine. If you are prone
to dullness, then inquire: ‘How does the spine collapse? What
happens then? What kinds of thoughts are there? What happens
to the chin, arms, hands, and small of the back?’ So now the
brightness of the mind is inquiring, and the calmness comes
from noticing the end of the out-breath.

Breathe in and out. Don’t rush the in-breath. Stay with the end of
the out-breath.

Dullness quite often manifests at the last part of the out-breath.

To address that, you can try noticing both the spine and the end
of the out-breath.

If the energy level is fine, then contemplate composure and

collectedness at the end of the out-breath.

Let the in-breath come by itself. You are collecting, composing,

staying present, and being the knowing.

Okay, there are lots of ideas to use. See what works for you.
 METHODOLOGY OF
R E N U NC I AT ION

It seems to me that the open heart responds to life appropriately.

It is not about gratitude, affection, or appreciation. It is just
open. If there’s beauty, there’s appreciation. If there’s pain, there’s
compassion. There is no desire because the open heart is fulfilled. It
is peaceful and connected to the way things are. It is not alienated
by fear or aversion. The open heart is also imbued with goodwill.
This state is described as the four brahmavihāras.
Of course, the intellect wants to chop it up: What is gratitude?
Is it the same as affection? So on and so forth. I would say they
all function as one piece. For me, the attitudes of goodwill,
compassion, appreciative joy, and equanimity are the attitudes of
freedom. So, moving towards them, remembering them, cultivating
them, or abiding in them – whatever language you want to use
– seems important to me. They are connecting us to goodness
that’s already present.
Earlier, I explained how I use pictures to cultivate open-heartedness.
Looking at the pictures of my mom, Luang Por Chah, or the Sangha
reminds me of the open heart. I just keep looking at the pictures
and remembering the open heart. Over time, open-heartedness
becomes normal – a way of life. When the heart closes because of
the arising of an abnormal (e.g. criticism, judgement, or fear), then
I can recognise it: ‘Oh, wait, wait, wait. What’s happening here?
What’s going on here?’

62 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
One and the same
I used to chop it all up, but it now seems one thing: an open heart.
It is a dynamic energy form that responds in an appropriate way.
It does so because it is available for response. If I am preoccupied
with worry about the monastery, my latest woodworking
project, or something else, then I’m not available to respond.
My heart’s not open.
My teaching methodology, I suppose, is: Can I help and persuade
you to get to a state of open-heartedness, and let it take care of
itself? I remember leading a retreat in Toronto where we were doing
the classical form of mettā bhāvanā, which is sending goodwill to
people in a sequential manner. One person said it was intellectual. I
said, ‘Okay, how about gratitude? Try that.’
‘Alright,’ they said. ‘I can do gratitude.’ Same thing, right?
We all have the ability to be grateful. It’s not exotic and, for sure,
not foreign. But how do you get there? How do you remember that?
The open heart indeed becomes a platform for freedom from all
kinds of ‘selfing,’ which happens a lot.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 63
 T H E B U D D H A’ S S E A R C H

I’m going to combine my response to these three questions from

retreat participants:
What is the object during walking meditation? Is it bodily
awareness, movement of the body, breath, a mantra, mettā,
or awareness, or all of that?
I felt more restless than usual during a meditation session. Is
this normal? This is my first retreat.
What does death and the dissolution of self feel like? What
does enlightenment feel like?
These three questions might seem different, but to understand
them, we have to go back to why the Buddha taught the way he
taught or what the texts tell us about the Buddha’s question.
His inquiry was very existential. He was asking himself, ‘I’m subject
to old age, sickness, and death, and everyone around me is subject to
old age, sickness, and death. Is there a dimension in consciousness
which is not subject to that?’
The Buddha’s question is his search. He answers the question not
intellectually or by taking a philosophical position, but through
realisation. In India, this is called the attainment of moksha or
liberation from attachment to the whole birth-death cycle. In
Indian philosophy and spirituality, then and now, consciousness
is not a physical phenomenon. Western science, I think, calls it a
physical phenomenon, meaning when the body dies, consciousness
goes kaput. Of course, His Holiness the Dalai Lama has asked
people to prove it. They can’t, but that is a whole other topic.

64 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
In the traditions of the Far East and India, and nowadays with
Buddhist monasteries in the West, we are not buying into
materiality. There is instead this possibility of moksha.
Buddhism and the Buddha’s teachings are very optimistic for me
because of the possibility of knowing the Deathless.
The Buddha was initially reluctant to talk about this dimension
because it’s subtle. Then the Buddha has the realisation, with
assistance from various energies called devas, that there are beings
who have but little dust in their eyes. We are those beings. Don’t take
it personally though. We too have this possibility and dimension
because we can reflect on and witness our experiences.
The Buddha describes this dimension as the Unborn, Uncreated,
Unoriginated, Unformed, Unconditioned, the Deathless, Peace,
etc. This language is very hard for Westerners to pick up because
it is not commonly used in Western thought. We can understand
peace though. That language fits into our thought structures.
We also have the word, ‘Nibbāna’ (cooling). This term has been
corrupted now. Did you know there are nirvana nail salons and
things like that? This is not what cooling is about. Words can
become fashionable in popular culture and then seem silly. They
no longer have the effect of deep reflective language.
If you prefer, call it a dimension, which is profoundly peaceful, or
consciousness that is unbounded, or use whatever language that
works for you.

Available to the Unconditioned

As I said earlier, the dimension described by the Buddha is a
possibility for all of us. If my attention is always preoccupied with
conditions that begin and end, such as good and bad; hot and cold;
boredom and excitement; then that preoccupation precludes my
availability to the Unconditioned.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 65
 What does preoccupation mean? For instance, when we feel
bored, we seek excitement. In this way, we’re preoccupied with
boredom and excitement. These conditions are constantly
changing. They are born and die. They rise and cease. They are
subject to change. You cannot find in them the dimension of the
Unconditioned because they are conditioned phenomenon. They
begin and end.

Gateway to the Uncreated

Renunciation means we no longer seek the Unconditioned in the
conditioned. This doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. It is just that
you realise fun is conditioned. At some point, you will get sick of
fun and turn your attention to something else.
With renunciation, the Buddha is asking us to wait. What if you
didn’t change the ‘channel’? What could be Unconditioned and
Uncreated? Let’s explore this a bit. We’ve all experienced restlessness
when meditating. If you’re interested in the conditioned, you would
want to do something about the restlessness. You’ll probably go
for a walk, read a book, or listen to a Dhamma talk. You’ll surely
do something to move away from the restlessness. But you’ll just
be moving from one condition to another when transitioning
from boredom to pleasure. How about staying with the awareness
of restlessness? That’s the key, as witnessing consciousness or
awareness itself is the gateway to this dimension.
The problem with language is that when you say it’s the gateway to
another dimension, it sounds like you’re going from room A to B.
That’s not true because room A or B are just conditions. Awareness
is both the method and the goal. The goal itself is very profound
because awareness is caught up with self-view, greed, hatred, and
delusion. It’s not clear yet. So, the methodology, I would say, is
abiding as a witness to change.

66 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Non-doing doing
When using this methodology, you realise that the earlier question
about walking meditation (What should be happening? What
should I be doing?) is a condition of doubt. Witness the arising
of doubt. Know that it’s just a thought and a feeling. It arises and
ceases, and you keep walking.
Regarding the question about what to do when feeling restless
during meditation, you recognise, ‘Oh, this is a feeling of
restlessness.’ That is what you should do, which is a kind of non-
doing doing. What happens then? Well, it’ll be very uncomfortable
because it is not fulfilling your desires.
Your desires are predicated on making this whole conditioned
realm comfortable. It works to a certain extent, but it is always
bound up with conditions, contingencies, change, and birth and
death. When it changes and your desires are not gratified, you seek
another object.
This partly explains why we are down on desire. It is not because
desire is evil or wrong. Buddhism is not making a moral judgement
about desire. It’s saying that if you follow desire, you will get certain
results. For example, if you follow the desire to have sugar in your
coffee, you will have a sweet coffee. If you follow a desire to kill
someone, you will probably be imprisoned. So, there will be a result.
Just witness desire with curiosity; consider it as something that
arises and ceases in a non-harmful manner and is not bound with
self-mortification. You’re not using some straitjacket of repression
to deal with it.
If you are watching restlessness as an object, you see that there’s the
desire to not have restlessness. Next, if you witness that restlessness
and the desire associated with it and you are very patient with it,
then that takes you towards the Unconditioned or to the deep
silence of knowing change.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 67
 It’s difficult. It is not easy to just sit and witness restlessness, but
all of us have experienced it. When you first start meditating, you
don’t want to stay for five minutes because you don’t want this.
This is nuts. For some crazy reason you stick it out, and then you
notice, ‘Oh, look at that.’ There is this knowing that knows the
restlessness. ‘I didn’t get up and have a chocolate bar or whatever. I
just witnessed, witnessed, witnessed, and now I actually feel alright.
I feel okay.’
This is very true in meditation. Your meditation itself might be a
downer, a piece of garbage. It may not be working. But you stick
with it, and don’t follow the desire. You stick to the time you
decided to meditate, and you witness this unpleasant experience
called meditation. You witness, witness, and witness. When the
meditation period ends, you’d probably walk away from it feeling
very peaceful – because you let go of the attachment to desire.
You felt uncomfortable but it was not hurtful. You witnessed the
cessation of desire in a little way.
One of the ways we talk about Nibbāna or the Unconditioned is
the cessation of craving – the cessation of this endless craving to
perpetuate our egos, to constantly disparage ourselves, and be
distracted by consumerism.
As I mentioned earlier, the project is to sustain the witnessing of
change. You are walking back and forth, and you start to think
about family or work. You get kidnapped by thoughts. You get to
the end of the walking path, and realise, ‘Oh, this is what the end of
the path feels like.’ Then you notice that the theme of the obsessive
thinking is worry. You bring that up, and you say to yourself, ‘Worry
feels this way.’ As you’re walking to the other end, perhaps you
notice that you’re not getting caught up in the technique. Instead,
you’re observing, ‘worry feels this way.’ You’re starting to recede
away from the attachment and involvement with, in this case, the
scenarios of worry.

68 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
I’m reminded of the seemingly catatonic state that arises during
walking meditation. We once held a retreat in a Latvian school that
was close to the Estonian border. It was so funny because many
people in the neighbourhood had never seen a Buddhist monk.
We did our sitting meditation in the gymnasium and stepped onto
the school grounds to do walking meditation. The school was in a
small village with maybe ten houses. Some of the women living near
the school used to cater food for the retreat. One woman would
come out to her balcony and watch us whenever we did walking
meditation. Surprisingly, on the third day, she yelled at us, ‘Will you
do something? Play football at least. What are you doing?’
With its simple back and forth movement, walking meditation
can, at first, seem strange. The whole idea of it is that it is not
interesting. The methodology of Buddhism is that you do things
that are uninteresting. The breath is not interesting. Walking back
and forth is not interesting. So, your energy cannot come from
fascination, novelty, excitement, or fear. It must come from a place
of curiosity and interest in the mind itself, which is difficult. No
wonder the Latvian woman was puzzled.

The project
Now back to the question on walking meditation. I suggest you are
awakening to the way things are, especially knowing the moods of
the mind. All you need to do to get behind the thought storylines is
question yourself: ‘What’s the general tone of the mind? Is it future
projections, fantasies, or something else?’ You just label it. This
helps you to become more attentive to the mood when it comes into
consciousness. You are not trying to get rid of it. You are trying to
see it as an object. The more you see it as an object, the less will be
the obsessive thinking. This habit will eventually fall away. If you
perceive thought as a problem and try to get rid of it, you are still
locked-in and preoccupied with the condition. I suggest you start
witnessing consciousness.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 69
 It’s the same way when you get a doubt about meditation. Just
know you should be doing ‘knowing,’ and that you don’t know
what you should be doing. You witness the very sense of not
knowing because that’s another object and mindset. You stay with
the meditation object, which might be the breath – we’re using the
breath because we need something to ground ourselves in, as the
thinking mind can be compelling. Worry can also be compelling.
Without some stability of mind, knowing can be hard to maintain.
During walking meditation, your anchor can be the feeling of the
feet touching the ground, but not in a super-concentrated way.
Just have a general feeling of the feet touching the ground. Your
mind may wander but come back to the feeling of the feet touching
the ground. It is very simple. When practising breath meditation,
ground yourself on something ordinary like an in-breath and
out-breath, and sustain that. You witness it in consciousness. If
you don’t have a grounding, then you may not have the necessary
stability, and the mind will spin out.

Let go by observing
In the beginning you use complex methods like counting backwards
with your breath to compose the mind. I used to walk backwards
and do all kinds of crazy things. When your mind becomes more
settled and practice is steady, you start to question this ‘doing.’ You
realise there is too much doing in a technique-driven meditation –
it’s me doing something to get somewhere.
Once you get the hang of the open-heartedness I spoke about
earlier, the methodologies and techniques fall away. In fact, most
meditators get tired of techniques. They get tired of always doing
a, b, c, d, and e and they just let go into choiceless awareness or
shikantāza, as it is called in Japanese. It is simply awareness of change.
You are choosing to be awake, but not preoccupied with techniques
or objects.

70 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
There is a kind of subtlety to just observing. The mind may get
scattered. When that happens, you have the techniques of centring
with breath or the heart and the practice of letting go with the
phrases, ‘it’s like this,’ or ‘life is like this’. You get good at it with
time. This is very intuitive. You have to try these things out.
Here the emphasis is on the peaceful dimension of the
Unconditioned, as explained in the Four Noble Truths. This is a
profound spiritual possibility for human beings. Again, how to
do it? Well, look at discontent. When you are discontented, what
do you do? Usually, you seek an object to alleviate the discontent,
which you sometimes need to do. If you are hungry, you need to eat.
If you’ve got a thorn in your foot, you need to take it out. If it is cold,
you need to wear a jacket. There is nothing wrong with adjusting
to conditions. Buddhism doesn’t say it’s wrong to follow pleasure.
It is pleasurable to put a coat on when it’s 5 C. It’s pleasurable to
have food when you’re hungry. It is nice to get the thorn out of your
foot. There’s nothing wrong with that. But a lot of the discontent
that we have is not biological or logical. You know that some of the
thoughts, views, and perceptions, we put up with in our minds are
questionable. They could be psychological feelings of self-doubt,
self-disparagement, or flawed perceptions. Yesterday, I mentioned
that craving or desire can manifest as resistance, vibhava-taṇhā.
I was suggesting that opening the heart is a way of looking at
resistance.

Guilt vs. remorse

I’m reminded of a statement by a Nepali lay student. She had never
contemplated the difference between remorse and guilt. For me,
remorse is a form of conscience, which is based on compassion.
In Pali, we have the term, hiri-ottappa (conscience and concern).
We usually feel this sense of remorse because of wrong speech. We
would say something cruel to someone, put them down, or utter
something along those lines. Later, we’ll have the thought, ‘Oh, I

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 71
 wish I hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t said that. Why did I do that?
I didn’t have to do that.’ When I wake up to remorse – which is felt
in the heart centre – I remind myself to be careful in the future.
Compassion is present in that moment. If I didn’t have feelings of
remorse, then I would be a monster or a sociopath. So, remorse is a
necessary part of being a human.
Guilt is the opposite of remorse. It, to me, does not come from
compassion, rather from hatred. Guilt isn’t in the heart. It’s in the
head. It is like self-disparagement. For example, I could be self-
disparaging with these statements: ‘I’m a bad monk. It’s been 40
years, and I’m still doing that.’ This kind of mindset is not loving.
It is inflated with a sense of ‘I’ and is based on anger and aversion.
While the suffering around guilt can seem very real, it’s due to
cultural influences and familial relationships.
How do you notice the difference between remorse and guilt? Well,
one is in thought. For example, I’m hammering away at myself –
‘I shouldn’t, I shouldn’t’ – for doing something. That thinking is
an engagement with an idea. I am attached to a condition. What
would disengagement from that condition feel like? It would not
be more thinking. That’s the problem we often have. We get into
inner arguments: ‘I shouldn’t have said that or done that. Yeah, but
I needed it. No, I shouldn’t have done it.’ These horrible arguments
keep going on. These types of thinking are caught up in conditions.
How do you bypass that kind of arguing with yourself,
commenting on the argument, and then judging the argument?
How do you get past that? Go to the heart. Don’t go to thought.
When I’m caught in feelings of guilt, I understand these feelings
have been culturally conditioned into me. I also know I am trying
to practise sīla (moral integrity) and am a responsible person. All of
us are similar in that way, and yet, the conditioning keeps coming
up. What to do about that? The project is to disengage from that
guilt feeling – not through thinking but through body awareness.

72 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
What if you went to the heart and identified guilt: ‘That is guilt.
That is thinking. That is ego thought.’ Examine where it is in the
body. This is why body meditation is helpful and interesting in
Buddhism. When you notice these formations of self-criticism and
self-disparagement in the body, you realise they’re not remorse or
compassion. It’s different.
We all have that baggage. We usually end up distracting ourselves
or thinking about it. But during a body-sweeping meditation, we
process it.
It is important for that material to come into full awareness. Our
intention would be to cultivate non-grasping of these materials or
non-attachment to them by witnessing them as changes. Where else
could you possibly witness them as change but in the body? It can
be very unpleasant. It can also be mixed up with feelings of fear
or lack of self-worth and result in a yucky feeling in the heart. But
that’s fine. We didn’t sign up for pleasantness. We registered for the
project, which is to realise the Unconditioned.
The guilt condition is very difficult. I could bear with it when I
contemplated, ‘What does it feel like as a changing condition?’
Initially, my desire mind and conditioning went into thinking
and self-disparagement or finding a distraction. Instead, I told
myself, ‘No, this is important.’ I allowed the painful feelings to
arise and become conscious. As Luang Por Sumedho would teach,
consciousness is the escape hatch.
These arisings are uncomfortable. You bear witness to them as they
change. It might seem hopeless. Then, one hour or two days later –
however long it takes – you feel this incredible peace. You did not
construct that peace by running away from it, but by witnessing
something very difficult. That is the idea of purification, which is
there in all spiritual practices.
Often a meditation session does not have that dimension of
purification. It can be about staying awake or trying to stay in the

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 73
 room. Most of it is like that, I think. Every now and then, though,
there are powerful triggers. While remorse for me is a good feeling,
it’s not apparent. It’s easier to think thoughts of guilt and self-hatred
than to feel remorse because that would be like, ‘Oh, I hurt that
guy. I don’t want to be there, feeling it.’ When I decide otherwise –
‘No, I am going to feel it’ – the heart warms up and opens.
The initial response is to go to hatred. In a strange way, it’s
comforting to beat yourself up. Yet, it doesn’t work. It doesn’t clear
the heart because it’s hatred. Hatred begets hatred. Love begets
love. It’s a cliche, but it’s true.
Returning to the questions, if you understand the project, then
what’s important is not the emotional-physiological experience but
your capacity to notice change. In the difficult bits of boredom or
whatever the case, if you can notice change, then you strengthen
that capacity. The gateway to the Deathless becomes more and
more apparent. You did not go into the ‘fire.’ Instead, you were able
to witness it.

74 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 QUESTIONS
& ANSWERS

Q: Could we translate affection as attentiveness, or do you suggest

that affection incorporates other qualities?
A: I think I use the word, ‘affection,’ because, from my own
experience, attentiveness was unfortunately conjoined with
control, which was linked to getting rid of. If you are getting into
the subtlety of non-grasping, then attentiveness has the same sense
imbibed in Luang Por Sumedho’s phrases of ‘it’s like this,’ and ‘it
all belongs.’ I know, these phrases may sound like a condoning
of things. But ‘it all belongs’ means, ‘it’s here now.’ Now, how to
accept it and not run with the foolishness of it?
When attentiveness is clear, it both knows and accepts. When it’s
unclear, it knows but tries to control or eliminate. When something
comes up in that subtle state, you can get judgemental. It happens
quickly. This is a subtle version of vibhava-taṇhā, the desire to get
rid of, and not allowing things to be just as they are. The gross kind
of vibhava-taṇhā is visibly apparent because you know you’re really
repressed or something like that. ‘It’s like this’ is an awakening
statement. The way to approach ‘it all belongs’ is to have a kind of
agenda in the back of your own practice to sort out the good from the
bad. This is the work of morality, right speech, and non-attachment.
But when things come up, they come up. If I feel judgemental of
someone and that judgement arrives in consciousness, it is vipāka
(a result of) kamma. There is nothing good or bad about it. If I just
know it as that – by witnessing change – then it ceases.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 75
 How to elevate or strengthen that witnessing of change? Affection
might sound too strong for you. To me, if the heart’s open or when
there is open-heartedness, then the reaction to this rejection (e.g. a
negative judgement) becomes apparent. The negativities come up
and they’re not threatening. It’s just the way they are. So, jealousy,
fears, worries, or fantasies are not a threat. They are just phenomena
that come and go. So, for me, the opening of the heart and the
emphasis on that can get you to the place of non-desire – which
means you can be with both the negative and positive.
Contemplate these questions: What is attentiveness? What is that as
an attitude? Is it an inclusive kind of thing or is it exclusive? What’s
going on?
When a negative state of mind arises, if you can include it, not get
preoccupied with it, and see it arise and cease, then you see the logic
of the Buddha’s emphasis on anicca and change, and on Luang Por
Chah’s reflection on change. You can know the phenomena in its
arisen state, in its enduring state, and in its cessation. You would
have maintained non-grasping awareness, which is the doorway to
the Unconditioned.
Some conditions are particularly sticky, and they have hooks that
draw us in. Those are difficult.
The Buddhist emphasis on change isn’t just about a changing world
or a new economic situation. It is a deeper consideration. It is at
a phenomenological level where you sustain awareness of change
because that takes you to deep peace of the mind.
Everyone knows the world is changing. It doesn’t take a Buddha to
know that night and day change or that economies and governments
change. It must be more profound than that. So, what is it? It is that
witnessing consciousness, which knows the arising of self-doubt
and all other conditions.

76 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
As a teacher, I often wonder, ‘Did I get anything across, or did
anyone understand that?’ But then I realise, ‘This is what not
knowing is like.’ Sometimes I’m tempted to ask other monks if the
talk was good. I try not to do that because I know it is just coming
from self-doubt.
The mind wants reassurance that the talk was good: ‘Please tell me
it was a good talk.’ But it is so much better for me to just be aware
that this is a feeling of not being sure. Then I’m in the witnessing
of change. If I witness this feeling of not being sure, then self-doubt
comes up and ceases, as it is just a condition. Next there will be
happiness because of non-grasping. So, you need to understand
the project. All methodologies like mettā bhāvanā, asubha
(unattractive) bhāvanā, walking meditation, dāna (generosity), and
sīla come under it. When you get that, the whole thing makes sense.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 77
DAY T H R EE
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH THOUGHTS

Get to know the mood of the mind from the time you wake up in
the morning. What kinds of thoughts are being produced by the
mood. Are they thoughts of the past or future? What’s the mood
of the mind?

Maybe there’s nothing when you let go of thought. So, listen to

sound. Just let go of thought and notice the silence of knowing.

Tune into the present moment.

Now tune into your body – the body sitting here, not as a
concept, but as a visceral experience. Let the body and bodily
feelings become conscious. The knowing, silent, conscious,
silent consciousness, or knowing awareness, remains the same
even if the object changes from body to feelings.

Whether you feel pain or discomfort, or the body is comfortable,

the knowing doesn’t change because it is not a quality. Awareness
is the space within which things are known.

Qualities come and go during meditation, so be the knowing.

Bring your attention to the centre of the chest. Feel the rising and
falling of the chest with the breath.

When inhaling, visualise someone or a group of people who are

dear to you. Name or imagine them, but don’t think about them.
This isn’t about thought. It’s about connecting with endearment
and affection. So, on the in-breath, mentally say the name of the
person who is dear to you. On the out-breath, wish them, ‘May
you be well.’

Just let your attention abide in the heart centre and remind
yourself of what affection feels like.

After a few breaths, you can choose another person or group. Go

through a few iterations like this.

Make that feeling of affection quite clear, strong, and obvious.

Then you can let go of the naming of people and be with that
affectionate attention one in-breath at a time.

The mind is very open, quiet, and composed.

 COMING HOME

It is difficult to speak about the heart with intellect. With the word,
‘affection,’ I’m trying to use a different language to explain the felt
sense of opening the heart. Again, this isn’t sentimental. To me,
sentimentality is in the thought realm. Expressions like, ‘Oh, what
a cute puppy,’ and ‘Oh, that’s nice,’ are fine. But, for me, the heart
is something more profound. It’s not that you don’t feel for the cute
puppy, but I’m trying to point to something deeper. Maybe this is
more of a problem for men than women. In my experience, men,
through conditioning, tend to look at the things of the heart with
scepticism. They’ll say it seems sentimental, but let me reassure
you, it is not.
Here’s an example of staying with the heart. This morning, I
wanted to go online but the internet was down. We have another
router near the workshop that works sometimes. So, I took my
iPad to the workshop and managed to get connected. Earlier, when
I discovered the wi-fi wasn’t working, I sensed annoyance. I was
attentive to the annoyance arising in consciousness. I immediately
went to and stayed with the heart – and the annoyance disappeared.
As humans, it’s natural for us to analyse and comment on our
experiences but, for me, there is another way of participating in this
world. We can relate to the world by intuitively tuning into physical
sensations, by being sensitive to the energy coursing through the
body and, most importantly, through the heart area.
Conversely, I know, for myself, I can be attentive to something, but
it is very much in thought – there is a ‘me’ attending to ‘something’.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 81
 Through inner comments, that ‘something’ is continuing to ‘live’
in the realm of thought.

Bearing witness
If I live from my heart a lot, then I notice the arising of, say,
annoyance – like this morning. It wasn’t a difficult event for me.
Annoyance arose simply because of not getting what I wanted.
Usually, not getting what I want tends to produce thought. If I stay
with the thought, it doesn’t cease the same way as going to the heart.
If you decide to analyse the annoyance, you’ll remain in the thought
realm. While that’s still witnessing, bearing witness from the heart
seems much more powerful and immediate. If I stay with the heart
and contemplate the annoyance that has arisen (inquiring: ‘What is
that?’), then it is more like coming home. The heart is more my real
home than thought.
Thought, I find, is becoming more and more an untrustworthy
territory. I have stopped believing a lot of my thoughts. They’re
just Māra’s words. I find that at the heart, there is direct contact
with the way things are, rather than with all the complexities that
thoughts bring forth.
As I said yesterday, affection has the quality of equanimity
(upekkhā), an open-hearted abiding. Upekkhā is not experienced
as a dismissal or deadness of the heart. In the little wi-fi
experience, annoyance arose in consciousness because desire was
frustrated. Also, the desire to try to connect to the internet did
not develop further because it wasn’t given life through thought.
It arose and ceased.
Now, if I’ve had many internet issues and invested a lot of negative
energy in the preponderance and perversity of inanimate objects,
then I would react angrily every time the problem arose. In this case,
the annoyance would be stronger. This is called vipāka kamma.

82 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Going to the heart does not mean things are going to disappear
instantly. It all depends on previous conditioning and one’s actions.
There is an assumption that as soon as you awaken to something,
it is going to go away. This is a mistake many people make. Our
practice is a marathon. It takes a long, long time for most of us.
Awakening to the way things are means that, at least, you know the
resultant kamma or the momentum of consciousness around these
issues. Then the work is to bear witness to it. If you can bear witness
from the heart, then I have found that you are not going to thought,
and the issue isn’t given more life. It can feel messy and contracted
at times. But you also know that the work is very immediate there.
Trust awareness, as it is rewarding. The kammic momentum of
now has a chance to be released from consciousness.
Anyway, it is hard to explain in language. So, I recommend people
get more conscious of their life experiences through different
avenues, rather than just through thought, intellect, analysis, and
judgement. You can perceive life through other senses too.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 83
 I N S T RU C T I O N S O N LY I N G
D OW N M E D I TAT I ON

There’s formal practice and then there is 24/7 mindfulness

practice. Formal practice involves taking a posture of choice. When
you think about sitting meditation, you are establishing a clear
structure for your practice. You may sit on a zafu with your knees
lower than the back, and your hips pushed forward. You open up
your spine and chest, and in this way, the body’s posture is well set.
You can also establish this formality when sitting on a chair. After
finalising the posture, you resolve to not fidget or move around. A
formal posture is good because it sets up your mind for meditation.
The rigour of the posture will remind you of what you are doing.
You won’t forget and fall asleep (which often happens).
You want to take on that same formality in lying down meditation
– yoga nidra. Register in your mind that this is a formal posture,
and that you’re meditating.
Lying down meditation almost sounds like cheating: ‘I’m going to
go to bed and meditate. Come on, that is too easy. There’s got to
be pain to gain something.’ Actually, it is difficult to stay awake in
lying down meditation. It does not work for everyone all the time.
Sometimes you have lots of energy, but your body does not. I used
to maintain a good Full Lotus posture as a youngster. I loved it
because the form provided a strong, energetic foundation. But I did
my knees in, so the posture had to change.
To set up a good lying down meditation posture, find a comfortable
surface, such as your mattress. A monk who was practising lying
down meditation ended up with sore heels because he was lying on
a hard surface. You can’t meditate for two hours on a hard surface!

84 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Lie down like a seal, in Savasana (Corpse Pose in Yoga), or pick a
posture where you are really open. Make sure your knees are slightly
folded in and up, as flat knees place a lot of pressure on the small of
the back. Some people meditate with their knees up and feet flat
on the mattress. It is hard to hold that posture for a long time. I
recommend a pillow or a bolster under your knees. In this posture,
you can attempt long meditations.
Just like the knees, make sure the neck is well supported. My neck
was too far back in the beginning, so I had to get a proper pillow
and tuck in the chin like I do in the sitting posture. It took a while,
but I figured it all out eventually.
The first instruction I got, and this was years ago, was to then adjust
the posture and make it ten percent better. That was helpful because
I would get myself settled and then, of course, the way the body
works, it doesn’t like it. So, I would adjust ten percent, and then
the instruction was, ‘Don’t move, itch, scratch, or roll.’ Of course,
within 30 seconds, you will sense an itch. Now, the formality of the
meditation is ‘not moving’. Logically, I know this itch is not life-
threatening. I do not have to move. In sitting meditation, the knees
would hurt. It would feel life threatening. You would feel like you
must move but you know you can sit through this desire to move.
Similarly, you can lie through the desire to move. When you don’t
follow the desire, you get a sense of the whole body in awareness
as well as of the body being a mass of vibrations that keep arising,
evolving, and ceasing.
When you deliberately stop moving, it’s difficult to not roll onto
your side because that’s the posture of annihilation or sleep. There
is a desire to roll onto your side. When practising lying down
meditation you are going against all those signs of falling asleep
because you are not planning to nap – I hope. You sustain that
posture without moving.
During lying down meditation, it is common to experience energy
releases. At that point, one wants to move. Sometimes I will feel

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 85
 a little pinprick in my arm. If I just let that be the way it is, the
arms or legs will flick, releasing energy. The body settles in even
more after that, and it becomes quiet. It is interesting to be able to
sustain that posture for a long time. In this posture, you can learn
to be awake in ‘sleep.’ As you become proficient in it, you might be
tired, but you are awake. You get to the point where you’re awake,
but you can’t move your body, as it is asleep. It is an interesting
investigation. During a retreat, if you can toggle between lying,
sitting, and walking postures, then you can do long periods of
meditation without it becoming too painful.
Finally, with lying meditation, snoring is great. You might be lying
there and then, ‘oink,’ you hear the little piggy. This happens
because your mind dips deeper into consciousness, which is
profound sleep. It goes there and falls into it. The snoring alerts
you to that. Obviously, if you do fall asleep, there might be some
resonant snoring, which your whole family will talk about later.
This is just that initial dropping of the mind into deep sleep. Then
you are awakened, but you’re actually not because you weren’t
really asleep. You’re able to go into that deeper state without falling
asleep. It is obviously an interesting space to explore. Also, you do
not have to hold up the body. There is not a sense of me holding
up the body. It is an interesting investigation of the whole sense
of me meditating or doing something and the struggle with the
discomforts we experience.
I sound like a salesperson for lying down meditation – but give it
a go. You could end up with a posture that you can use when you
have a lot of energy, but your body doesn’t want to sit still. That is
very true if you are waking up at two in the morning. Rather than
fidgeting, you can determine to lie down and experiment with the
posture. Try it out. Even if you fall asleep, you can’t lose anything.
It is much better than being in a negative state and annoyed at not
being able to fall asleep or have your usual eight-hour snooze.

86 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH B ODILY SENS ATIONS

Let’s come to that sense of open-heartedness, and then do

a whole-body sweep to get a sense of the body in awareness,
which is helpful for lying down meditation. I can explain that, so
take a posture of your choice.

Start with sound: listening; knowing; receptive awareness. Let

the sound come to you.

Savour the stillness of knowing. There is the movement of sound,

the changing nature of sound, and there’s this still knowing.

Feel the rising and falling of the chest.

Tune into the sense of kindness that I’ve been talking about. If
you want, use the image of someone dear to you on the in-breath
and feel that endearment and kindness when you imagine them.

Sustain that sense of kindness from one breath to another.

This isn’t about you getting some kind of loving experience. It’s
remembered, not as a story, but as a heartfelt note.

Tune in.

With that attitude of kindness, localise your attention on the

body. Begin with your face. Make conscious the feelings in your
mouth. Notice the language: ‘Make conscious. Let it come into
full awareness.’ You are not looking for sensations. Rather, you’re
allowing attention to dwell there, and then things just appear,
don’t they? For example, what does full awareness of the mouth
mean? Well, you start to let your teeth and tongue come into the
stream of consciousness.

Move your attention to your ears, the outer structures, and

the ear canal. Let that become conscious. Sometimes you feel
obvious things, and other times, there’s nothing much there. The
most important thing is awareness.

The quality of the sensation doesn’t really matter. Localise your

attention at your nose. Let that become conscious or come
into full awareness. Don’t squeeze your eyes trying to see or
look for something.

Receptive knowing.

Your eyes, the eye sockets, and the eyes are sensitive areas
with lots of vibration and are tickling with pressure and pain.
Let them be conscious.

Your temples and the top of the head. You are not looking for
something but you’re allowing what is to become conscious.
There isn’t the stress of looking for something. It’s just what it is.

The back of the head. Let it become conscious.

Feel your whole head. Now, perceive the head in awareness

rather than you in your head. That contributes to the perception
of space and awareness, rather than the perceptions of me, my
body, and my head.

So, the feelings and sensations are changing and are in

awareness. It’s no longer a concept but felt more like energy or
changing vibration.
Feel your shoulders, upper arms, elbows, lower arms, and hands.
These are in awareness.

Keep savouring the stillness of knowing.

Feel the clothing on the chest, and the movement of your chest.
The back, upper spine, and ribcage. Let that all become conscious
in whatever way it does.

The abdominal area, skin, lower spine, lower ribcage, and

organs in the abdominal area. The bones and the organs in
the pelvic area. The hips, thighs, knees, legs, and feet. Let
them become conscious.

Notice that we’re not trying to achieve anything with this. We’re
just sustaining awareness of the way things are.

Now, kind of step back, as it were. Feel the whole body. Again,
not as a concept, but as changing temperatures, vibrations,
pressure, and pains.

I call this whole-body awareness. This experience is in awareness.

Listen to sound and notice that sound is in awareness.

The space of awareness contains bodily feeling, sound, thought,

and emotion.

Perceive awareness as spacious. You want to use this perception

in lying down practice.

Now, let go of paying attention to a particular object, and be the

knowing itself. It’s hard to describe that. The objective world of
experience is changing. You hear things. Thoughts come and go,
and there’s just this witnessing of change and knowing change.
The knowing is unchanging. That’s why we say, ‘Be the knowing.’
If you get too distracted by thought and you want to ground
yourself, then go back to the breath, one breath at a time.
Compose and collect the mind on the breathing.

If you can, experiment with choiceless awareness where you are

only choosing to be the knowing.
 THE HARBOUR

In 2011, I took a trip with two friends to the Atlantic coast of

Canada. My mother wanted me to scatter her ashes in the Atlantic
Ocean, so that they might drift back to Latvia, her motherland.
This heartfelt request was very poignant. It made me understand
why refugees never get over the yearning for their homelands.
My friends and I planned to scatter the ashes kayaking off the coast
of Cape Breton, Nova Scotia, Canada. Ken had his late father’s
shaving brush, and Adrienne, her dog’s ashes. Ken’s father died
two years before my mom passed away in 2011. Coincidentally, we
set out to sea at the base of Gampo Abbey where Bhikshuni Pema
Chödrön is the principal teacher. I’d never kayaked in an ocean. I’ve
mostly canoed in freshwater lakes and rivers. Fortunately, Adrienne
had experience in coastal kayaking. She guided us throughout the
trip. Altogether we spent five days camping on the rocky coast of
Cape Breton.
One day, we set up our tents too close to the tideline. In the middle of
the night, we had to scurry up the banks, as the tide was coming in,
and we almost lost all our belongings. The next day was beautiful,
sunny, and calm, so we went into the sea on our kayaks. Out on the
open water, I chanted and gradually emptied my mom’s ashes. I was
able to scatter some more off the Baltic coast in Latvia on another
occasion. Next, Adrienne scattered her husky’s ashes. Finally, Ken
tied a rock to his dad’s shaving brush and dropped it into the ocean.
It was very emotional, and we all cried.
We then paddled for some time along the coast. It was beautiful.
Little pilot whales and a herd of a hundred or so seals dove off from

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 91
 the shore, as if to see us. It was sweet to see curious youngsters,
teenagers I guess, slip off the rocks, come up through the waves,
look at us, and then dive down and disappear into the water. We
noticed that one seal had stayed back on the shore. It took a while
for us to realise the seal was dead. It was poignant. Mom had died,
and yet, there was all this life around me, as well as death. It was
very moving.
The ocean swells were getting bigger as we continued along the
coast. My kayak was almost surfing along the waves’ crest. Adrienne
became anxious because she understood that our little sea kayaks
needed to get to shore. Before casting off onto the sea that morning
I had not noticed a little harbour. As the ocean swells grew, they
pushed us towards what I then saw were concrete walls surrounding
the harbour. Then suddenly a narrow mouth, an opening to this
haven appeared, just as a breathtaking wave shoved us through it.
And inside, the water was still; a beautiful, beautiful stillness. It
reminded me that Nibbāna is sometimes referred to as the Harbour
or Refuge in the texts. Language can make it hard to find the right
word. That is why the language in Buddhist texts is often around
imagery. So, this visceral experience of the safety of a harbour in my
little kayak was insightful. I understood deeply why they chose the
image of a harbour to describe Nibbāna – it is safe and is a refuge.

92 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 STILLNESS

I was once asked, ‘What does enlightenment taste like?’ I replied,

‘Chocolate!’ But it is like the stillness in the harbour.
Words are always dualistic. For instance, if you describe ‘it’ as ‘it is
happy, and not sad,’ then you get into the dualism of experience.
Nibbāna cannot be contingent on experience or circumstance. This
is not an experience you have, but something you notice is there
all the time. Otherwise, it would not be transcendent. That is why,
when we talk about the Dhamma, it is always here and now. It’s not
a matter of time. It is timeless (akāliko). As explained in the Homage
to the Dhamma chant, you do not search, but realise here and now.
I’d like to return to that contrast of the repetitive swelling of the
ocean waves to the still waters of the harbour. Riding in the kayak
on the surface of the increasingly frightening waves, one could feel
the power of that body of water. You do not want to be out there
unless you are a whale! That very image of sensory experience may
suggest swells can be fun, but the danger is in forgetting that they
are born and die constantly. The stillness, by contrast, is neither
born nor dying: It simply is.
The closest approximate experience would be when I ask you to
listen to sound and then savour the stillness of knowing – because
knowing is still, isn’t it? At least, until thoughts arise. The thoughts
are usually habitual or based on trying to get something or get rid
of something.
It is not a question of sense experiences being bad. It is just that you
will not find stillness when continually shifting and moving from

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 93
 one sensory experience to another. But, in the movement, you
can notice stillness. While listening to sound, you can also
notice the stillness.
I like to listen to oratory. I enjoy the speeches of Barack Obama and
Dr. Martin Luther King. During those moments, I’m listening to
an object, and perhaps enjoying its beauty, which is fine. But I can
also listen to change and not be concerned about the quality of the
object. I can notice the stillness of knowing and witness change.
The emphasis then is on awareness.
You can apply this suggestion to your meditation. Remember, the
quality of your meditation is not going to change. You may still
feel restless, anxious, or something else when meditating. But if
you are interested in the ‘Harbour,’ rather than in the qualities
or the comings and goings, then you understand the project.
There can be these ‘waves’ of restlessness, but what about the
harbour in the waves?
The harbour is the stillness of knowing. That is why, in the previous
meditation (p87), I was encouraging you to ‘listen to sound and
savour the stillness of knowing; feel your body and savour the
stillness of knowing.’ These are very good images for me, reflections
of presence in my own life.
You can try to do this in family situations. I’ve heard that a lot
of young adults are living with their parents now. The music
preferences of these generations are different. Imagine a 60-year-
old mom or dad living with a 25-year-old daughter who likes rap
or heavy metal. The loud percussion sounds can be disturbing. Yet,
you’re in that situation. Can you find stillness in that loudness? If
you can come to the sense of, ‘it’s like this,’ you will start to notice
stillness within the movement.
Now, difficult emotions can be more complicated and contractive.
In those instances, my suggestion would be to bypass intellectual
processes. We are well trained in analysing problems. When we try

94 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
to figure out a difficult emotion with thought, we are in the same
thinking realm. It doesn’t work. Whereas, if you can feel the strong
emotion in the body and heart, then you bypass judgement and all
the analyses. You are directly with the emotion. For example, anger
is not a thought. It is visceral and a felt sensation in the body. The
more you can be directly in contact with that difficult emotion,
the more you will understand it. More importantly, you can
understand it in a way that isn’t analytical. You realise this emotion
is something that has arisen, endured, and has been cast away. Each
time you have a strong experience of something, and you witness
it, you understand: ‘It is like this’ – and see that it is also changing.
That realisation is right understanding, one of the factors of the
Noble Eightfold Path.
Awareness is quite ordinary. It’s not going to blow your head off.
You may think, ‘Well, that can’t be it. It has to be more than that.’
We often don’t trust in the awareness of change because it seems
unimportant. We want something but this desire mind will only
find another condition, another experience, or contingent object.
So, think of the stillness of knowing as the harbour, the refuge,
which is awareness itself.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 95
 HOM AG E TO
THE DHAMMA

[Handa mayaṃ dhammābhitthutiṃ karomase]

[Now let us chant in praise of the Dhamma.]
Yo so svākkhāto bhagavatā dhammo
The Dhamma is well expounded by the Blessed One,
Sandiṭṭhiko
Apparent here and now,
Akāliko
Timeless,
Ehipassiko
Encouraging investigation,
Opanayiko
Leading inwards,
Paccattaṃ veditabbo viññūhi
To be experienced individually by the wise.
Tam-ahaṃ dhammaṃ abhipūjayāmi tam-ahaṃ dhammaṃ
sirasā namāmi
I chant my praise to this Teaching, I bow my head to this
Truth.
[bow]

96 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH MOV EMENT

Things are moving in awareness. Inquire into that during this

meditation. You also want to have an extremely easy way to
remember the present moment. It’s not that you are not here,
but you’ll need an object to get a sense of remembering and
knowing the present moment, which I like to describe as ‘know
that you know’. I use sound. The idea is receptive knowing.

Observe yourself. Are you trying to notice a particular sound

or just letting sound be what it is? If you are not trying to find
the sound, you are not only grounding yourself in the present
moment, but also noticing the stillness of knowing.

I can hear the wind blowing through the trees. It is raining now
and then, which is the change. Know the stillness of knowing. Of
course, it is hard to sustain that knowing because we go off into
thought. So, keep returning to that still knowing.

Sometimes you’re trying to control, forcefully hold the

attention or get something during meditation, so bring your
attention to the centre of the chest. Don’t tighten your eyes or
hands. You are not trying to get anything. You’re just localising
attention. Feel the sensations in the body, and there is that
stillness of knowing.

An attitude of kindness is crucial and helpful, so bring to mind

the image of someone dear to you on the in-breath. Connect
to that tone of mind, which could be grateful, affectionate, or
appreciative, when you think of that person. The in-breath

reminds you of them. On the out-breath, say, ‘May you be well’

or ‘Thank you.’

In meditation there is no rush to get anywhere. There isn’t an

urgency to achieve anything. Feel the whole breath. We sometimes

call this the breath body, breathing from the beginning to the

end, and from the end to the beginning. All this time, there’s the

stillness of knowing for one in-breath and one out-breath. Now

this could be sufficient, but you can localise your attention even

more. An interesting place to observe your experiences is at the

end of the out-breath. What is the end of the out-breath? What

happens there? Make a note of that.

There remains the stillness of knowing and whole-body

awareness. You may notice that you tense your hand or face

on the in-breath, or your mind wanders at the end of the out-

breath. By choosing this sort of a window to localise your

attention, you heighten the capacity to sustain awareness

moment by moment. You are not trying to get anything.

It is just training in still knowing for spans of time.

 W H E N PR AC T IC E
FA L L S A PA R T

Q: What happens when your practice falls apart?

A: You put a lot of time and effort into the practice. You try to lead
a skilful life, but sometimes it becomes complicated, difficult, or
painful. People fall seriously ill, they are betrayed, or get burned
out while caring for others. These are the kinds of situations we
face as human beings. When they arise, it is very disheartening, and
sometimes our meditation practice isn’t working.
What’s important for me is to come back to the basic principle
of making conscious the way things are. I don’t tend to use the
word, ‘mindful,’ much. Since it is frequently spoken of in so many
different ways, I’m not sure what people mean when they use it. So,
I prefer to not use that word, in case it’s misunderstood.
With the phrase, ‘make conscious the way things are,’ I’m trying to
point to awakening to the moment without any desire or necessary
focus in it; just recognising that life is this way now. That is easy
to say, but hard to do. Often, there isn’t an awakening to the way
things are. Rather, there’s a resistance to the way things are, or
there’s a wanting for things to be different from how they are. Also,
the mind is very quick. The habituated instances of resistance and
wanting appear quickly. Habits appear suddenly.
During guided meditations, I often suggest that practitioners make
conscious the feeling in a body part like the mouth. When doing
these types of body meditations, I suggest you simply recognise
the different bodily sensations instead of focusing on one area.
Hopefully, the sensing is free from desire. If you understand that
idea in something very simple like a bodily sensation, then you

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 99
 can encourage it with another sense base like sound: make sound
conscious; invite sound. This way you can return to the same
receptive awareness. I also found it useful to quietly repeat terms
like ‘non-desire,’ ‘non-becoming,’ and ‘non-resistance’ to develop
this quality of receptive awareness where there is an open attention
to the way things are.
It is more difficult to make negative emotions conscious. With a
negative emotion, you might have a whole history of trying to figure
it out and getting caught up in the storyline. You may be thinking
that you must fix it, or you may be blaming yourself. For instance,
the arising of one negative emotion might lead to an hour of self-
disparagement. It gets complicated. So, return to the simplicity
of ‘it’s like this’; ‘make conscious the feeling'; or ‘let the feeling
become conscious’. Even if the meditation seems to be falling apart,
trust in awareness.
If you start there, then, hopefully, you’ll see the resistance to the way
things are. You may be telling yourself, ‘My meditation is pathetic.’
Instead, open to, ‘this is what pathetic feels like,’ or ‘this is hopeless,
and this is what hopeless feels like.’
The feeling of hopelessness is different from the thought, ‘I am
hopeless.’ That is the key. The issue is self-narratives are driven by a
feeling of hopelessness and an attachment to that self-identity.
However, the feeling is real. Telling someone, ‘it’ll be alright,’ or
‘it’ll change,’ doesn’t validate their feelings. For them, it’s not
alright. It is hopeless. So, instead consider being more empathetic
and acknowledge, ‘That must be really, really difficult.’ This
way, you are connecting with them in their predicament. Maybe
after that you can have a conversation. You will have a way of
talking to them because you’ve validated their feelings instead
of dismissing them.
A compassionate strategy for yourself and others would be
to make conscious the feelings. Name the terrible feeling of

100 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
betrayal, hopelessness, the sense of losing the plot, inadequacy,
nervousness, physical pain or whatever it is. All these feelings are
part of the ‘curriculum’.
The challenge is in trying to diagnose the issue. It is not the
pleasantness or unpleasantness of any experience, but rather it’s the
attachment to the desire to have it otherwise. Yet, what could be
more natural than not wanting unpleasantness?
Sometimes we’re faced with complex life situations. Maybe
someone’s been betrayed in a horrible way, or they had to deal
with chronic illness. The accumulation of all that stress will create
huge strains on the nervous system. The result will be difficult and
unpleasant. If, however, we can get to awakening to the feelings as
objects in awareness, then we won’t get lost in the self-narratives that
run on from these situations. There is a huge difference between
recognising a feeling of hopelessness as an object and running with
thoughts of hopelessness. This is what non-grasping is all about.
Stay alert, as non-grasping is not a magical cure. When you ‘notice’
something, that thing is not going to cease right away. All things
have a ‘life’ of their own. If that ‘life’ has been conditioned into
the mind through adverse circumstances – which is no one’s fault
– then it is going to take tremendous patience and endurance to
constantly witness the condition until it ceases.
I’m quite happy now. But there have been times when I’ve been
blindsided by difficulties and my psyche has gotten out of whack. It
felt like there was no grounding in those moments, nothing seemed
to work except running around trees or something like that. Or just
walking, walking, walking, and walking, until somehow, balance
was restored.
At all times, there can be this constant reference to awakening
within the framework of moral virtue and social responsibility.
With this, you can somehow get through tough situations.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 01
 In painful situations, if you can internalise, ‘stress feels this way’
– without trying to fix it – then you are able to create some space
around it. But the attitude might be, very quickly, to try and fix
things by going to the object of meditation with the hope it will
rectify the situation. The problem with the trying-to-fix method is
that you are pushing away issues that can’t be brushed aside. They
need to come into consciousness to no longer be a threat.
The way of non-grasping is the way of just knowing without all the
narratives of thought.
In Buddhism, the ideas of grasping and attachment are always
around self-thinking. It’s not about the experience itself. The
experience itself is conditioned by previous events that are triggered
into consciousness. They could also be constantly retriggered by
circumstances. The experiences are natural phenomena and neither
good nor bad, but nonetheless painful. Self-thinking then picks
them up in whatever patterns it does (e.g. ‘This is hopeless’ or ‘I’m
terrible’). It remembers. You have to work with self-thinking as an
object and try to see, ‘Yeah, that’s what self-thinking is doing.’
Then ask yourself, ‘What is it really like, this feeling of, say,
hopelessness?’ With this question, you’re coming back to the
grounding of the awakened mind. You have to do that again and
again until its power dissipates.
Notice that the sense of personality is sustained by compulsive
habits of the thinking mind.
If self-doubt comes up, then know it as a mood, a type of mindset.
It only creates a personality when believed as through thought.
If you can see the mood and have the awareness that this is self-doubt,
then there’s no fuel to keep it going. It still has the feel of history
though. If you were a strong self-doubter for many years and have
finally managed to create some space around it, then it can still come
up a lot. The only problem there is the I-thinking, me-thinking,
and my-thinking mind. That’s what we mean by attachment.

102 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
The way through is the experience of right understanding:
all conditioned thoughts and mindsets are empty of self.
There is suffering, but no one is suffering.
We are not saying there’s no self. We’re just saying that this
experience, in whatever way it might be, is not who you are. It is a
painful natural phenomenon. Running with it by thinking about
it makes it worse. It’s a wrong perspective, wrong view, and wrong
understanding because that’s not who you are. There is no personal
entity in it. But it is personal in the sense that you are experiencing it.
This is what we try to differentiate. There is individuality as well as
individual formations of mind-body, and they’re all natural. While
its natural functions are coming through consciousness, none of
that can be your real home. Awareness knows ‘that,’ and you begin
to see awareness is what you can trust.
It’s important to understand the Buddha’s teaching of anattā (not-
self, impersonal, without individual essence).
Here’s a Zen joke about anattā. A man says, ‘There’s no self.’ The
rōshi (an experienced teacher) kicks him in the shins. The man
asks, ‘Why did you kick me?’ The rōshi responds, ‘There’s no self.
What’s the problem?’
The question is not, ‘How can I perfect personality?’ Rather,
‘How can I know personality as an object that comes and goes
through self-thinking?’ Once you start to not believe in self-
thinking, then these worldly ideas are not problematic. It may take
a lot of endurance.
Once you have trust and faith in awareness, of knowing change in
this way, then you have a way of being with phenomena. This is
what we mean by emptiness in Theravada Buddhism.
Emptiness doesn’t imply empty of content or emotional vacuity. It
means, ‘The sense of self that I’m identifying with is actually just
a phenomenon in nature.’ You may ask, ‘Who am I?’ Well, that is

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 03
 the ultimate question, which cannot be answered through thought
because it’s more than that. Abide in trusting awareness. Things
will become obvious.

Dhamma of frustration
Trusting in awareness of change opens the heart to what Luang Por
Chah would say is our real home. Luang Por Chah was very good at
creating situations that frustrated desire. When asked whether his
teaching method was mettā bhāvanā, ānāpānasati (mindfulness
of breathing), or body sweeping, he said, ‘Toraman’ (frustration).
I misunderstood it as torture. Twenty years later, I realised my
translation of the Thai word was wrong. When I asked Ajahn
Jayasaro, he clarified that toraman means frustration.
Luang Por Chah would, quite deliberately, set up situations, which
were not harmful, but frustrating. The classics were, as you know,
long talks. Some talks would be four hours long. You knew he was
playing with you. He would ask, ‘So, why are you suffering?’ The
mind would respond, ‘Because you won’t shut up.’
I tried looking at the cause of suffering. Is it Luang Por Chah talking
for long periods of time, knees hurting, etc., or is it that I wanted
something else? Yes, I wanted to go and meditate somewhere else
when it was perfectly possible to meditate where I was situated.
Luang Por Chah would keep pounding at the Four Noble Truths:
‘Okay, there is suffering right now. What’s the cause?’
He was fearless. There would be around 50 monks, all internally
whining, ‘Oh, please stop.’ But he would just go on and on. It
had an interesting effect. I was in a situation where it was hard to
meditate. I was sitting on a concrete floor. Mosquitoes were biting
me. It was too hot. I didn’t understand the language, as Luang
Por Chah spoke in Thai. I just kept bringing up the mantra,
‘Why am I suffering?’ I realised it was because of attachment to

104 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
desire – the desire to not be there, not to be in pain, and to instead
be doing yoga nidra.
I was basically whining to myself. Sometimes, there would be a
breakthrough. I was able to eventually accept: ‘Oh, this is the way it
is now. It’s just pain;’ ‘It’s boring;’ ‘It’s just mosquitoes biting. And
hey, it’s alright. I’m not going to die.’ That was actually pretty easy
because I wasn’t stressed out with anything except my own mind.
That kind of lesson was incredibly valuable. It taught me to always
go back to the basic question of, ‘Well, what’s the problem?’
The idea in the Four Noble Truths is of discontent. There is
suffering; there is a cause, which is attachment to desire; the end of
suffering is the cessation or letting go of desire; and the method is
the awakening to all of that by following the Noble Eightfold Path.
It’s very much a medical diagnosis. You have a disease; the cause of
the disease is known; the prognosis is good; and there is good health
at the end of the tunnel with the letting go of attachment to desire.
In a contemplative life, you have to see the situation is ‘like this.’
Then you must diagnose it. Ask, ‘What do I want that I don’t have?
And what do I have that I don’t want? What is the problem here?’
The experience is not the problem. That concept is hard to wrap our
heads around. So, let’s revisit my experience of sitting and listening
to Luang Por Chah for hours.
One would think Luang Por Chah’s talks were always inspiring.
Not really. It doesn’t work that way. If they were, then I probably
wouldn’t have gotten any wisdom out of them. So, what was the
problem with Luang Por Chah’s long talks? Was it boredom,
painful knees, mosquitoes, the lack of understanding, or loneliness?
Or was the problem that I didn’t want any of those things? Once I
understood that, I could apply the same diagnostic method to more
serious issues like social anxiety, fear, and self-disparagement:

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 05
 What’s the problem? Is it fear?
Yes, that’s the problem.
No, that’s not it.
The fear has risen. I can’t do anything about it.
So, what’s the problem?
Ah, it’s the desire not to have the fear.
That realisation took a few years. Once I understood that fear was
horrible, it was okay because now, I could sense, ‘Fear feels this
way.’ Getting to the point of accepting, ‘it’s like this,’ is a huge step,
isn’t it? It feels like this because quite often the desire not to have it
arises quickly. This desire then kick-starts the mental proliferation.
So, worrying about something is typically driven by fear. If you
don’t see that and your thinking mind takes over, then you can feel
hopeless or get depressed.
This ‘awakening to the way things are’ is very profound. It’s
kind of the beginning and end of the Path. As you take refuge in
awakened consciousness, you begin to see it as your home ground.
It liberates you from entanglements. You gain confidence. When
the entanglements or attachments to greed, hatred, delusion, and
fear come up, you see it as a chance to not only purify the mind, but
also to make that refuge solid. The thing that plagued, crushed, or
defeated you in the past ironically opens like a gateway. Not that
one likes it. It’s still unpleasant, but you can consider entanglements
as good opportunities for spiritual growth. With sincere, insightful
understanding you see the problem is desire and an attachment to
this changing realm. The liberation from that attachment is the
cessation of desire.
When I began to see my fearful responses to life as conditions, I
could see the desire not to stay with it: ‘I don’t want this.’ I was
able to stay with it and the desire eventually ceased. When desire
ceases, the heart is open and receptive. The mind is equanimous
and quiet too.

106 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Those were some of my travails and traumas. Obviously, I don’t
experience them now. But when I got blindsided by complex events,
my meditation did fall apart. There was something deeper though.
Awareness was there. I kept being a monk and doing ‘monkish’
things in a confused manner. People were concerned about me. I
was perturbed too, but somehow, I just kept going.
Taking care of my mother helped me a lot. I was really floundering,
and suddenly, my mom needed me. I had to stay focused on the job,
which was all about service. That was helpful, as I loved my mom.
If you have a whole grounding in this understanding, then it
is functioning subconsciously. We describe this as ‘the practice
clicking in.’ If one’s never done this kind of work, then it can be
confusing because you don’t have the psyche and viewpoint to be
with these things.
So, my advice to the questioner is to go back, especially when
everything fails, to the instructions that are the Four Noble
Truths in the moment, not intellectually, but experientially and
existentially: ‘So, what is it now? What’s the desire?’ Then be with
the confusion. Be with the horribleness as an object in awareness.
Again, it’s easy for me to say, but I encourage that grounding.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 07
 QUESTIONS
& ANSWERS

Q: When you do mettā meditation, the benefits are almost

instantaneous. I was wondering about the object or the person you
are sending mettā to. Do the benefits spill over onto them?
A: Well, if you send an e-mail notifying them that you are sending
mettā, they’ll feel good. But if you don’t, I do not know. So do both.
Send mettā and an e-mail. You’ve got it covered.
I don’t find that way of talking about mettā bhavana in the texts.
The thing is, you’re assuming that there is a ‘you’ and a ‘them’. In
Buddhist philosophy, that’s problematic. I’m sorry. I don’t want
to destroy your relationships. On one level, you feel good sending
mettā. Other than that, I don’t know.
Now, is your consciousness different than my consciousness?
Is the knowing different? I don’t know. Certainly, my knees and
haircut are different from yours. Those are objects. But what about
consciousness itself? This is where thought, for me, gets mysterious.
So, I don’t go there. When I started meditating, I never picked up
mettā bhavana as a practice of sending out energy. I did not learn
it that way. I was taught that the mind can be imbued with loving-
kindness by thinking of others. When the mind is filled with loving-
kindness, it becomes a powerful antidote to all forms of judgement,
criticism, and negativity. Also, the individual can participate in
society with an attitude of loving-kindness.
I never learned to send out mettā and I don’t want to be a spoilsport
with this. Go for it if the method works for you.
Sending out mettā always seemed to me to be an idea from the
Christian tradition. My understanding of it is that the whole

108 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
sense of individuality (I’m here and you’re out there) needs to be
challenged if we’re going to take the teachings on anattā seriously.
You can use it as a verbal strategy. For example, ‘Milena, may you
be well. Bernard, may you be well.’ That can work. But at a deeper
level, you have to question, ‘Who is this person? Is it the body,
emotions, or personal history?’ For example, I live in Tisarana
Buddhist Monastery in Perth, Canada. That’s not untrue. But is
there a real ‘I’ there or a ‘me’ in this experience? That’s what we look
into. Each time we investigate, the sense of self vanishes and there’s
the emptiness of knowing. But it’s not vacuity. The emptiness of
knowing is vibrant. It’s alive. It isn’t self-identified with this mind
and body.

Q: What is ignorance?
A: In Buddhism, ignorance is viewed around the three characteristics
of impermanence, not-self, and dissatisfaction: Ignorance is when,
in that which is impermanent, you see permanence; when, in that
which is not a self-entity, you see self; and when, in that which is
unsatisfactory, you see satisfactoriness.
Let’s say you have a meditation, which is really neat. You have been
waiting for years, and finally, your mind is blissed out, as described
in the books. You feel like you’ve achieved a goal. The next day your
mind is absolute twaddle during meditation. You lose it then. Why
did that happen? You took the impermanent experience as being
permanent. That is ignorance. As a result, you suffered. You took
the whole experience of attaining bliss and losing it the next day
personally. This view caused suffering. Plus, you invested a sense of
satisfaction in the experience that was very short-lived, and hence it
was unsatisfactory.
So, all experiences that arise and cease are unsatisfactory. It’s not
bad or ugly. It’s just not the Unconditioned. It is important to

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 09
 understand that a beautiful experience is unsatisfactory because
it’s bound to change. So, don’t make it more than it is. Enjoy
it for what it is and be grateful. When it changes, accepting it
as the way it’s supposed to be is wisdom. So, when that sense of
attainment ceases and you start to feel self-doubt, tell yourself,
‘Oh, it’s supposed to change. Happiness is supposed to change to
unhappiness.’ That’s wisdom.
Luang Por Sumedho’s book, Don’t Take Your Life Personally, would
be a good one to read. Also, observe how much you’re suffering
because of taking things personally.
As I mentioned earlier, there is individuality and individual
responsibility. In Buddhism, that is what you have to get right. If you
determine to not take it personally, but are socially irresponsible,
you don’t understand the teachings. Buddhism has both. It
espouses social responsibilities, strong ethics, a powerful sense of
social norms and commitments, and social justice. Through the
teachings about not taking it personally, we’re trying to find that
deep peace and silence behind all experiences.
The three characteristics of saṁsāra are one way to define ignorance.
Another definition would be not understanding the Four Noble
Truths and that the cause of suffering is attachment to desire. For
instance, with the fears I faced, I thought the cause of my suffering
was fear. So, I ran away from it. I did not see that the problem was
the attachment to fear through the desire of not wanting it.
You could talk about ignorance in various ways – such as being caught
up in the conditioned realm and not noticing the Unconditioned.

Q: Please expand on how becoming is a form of desire and how to

work with the compulsion of becoming.
A: The Pali word for becoming is bhava, as in bhava-taṇhā (desire
for a future state). The English word, ‘desire,’ has a broad context. It

110 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
can be good or stupid. There’s also biological desire. Taṇhā (thirst,
craving) is desire conjoined with ignorance, as opposed to the desire
to be free from suffering, which is a wholesome one. According to
the teachings, not all desires are wrong.
Bhava-taṇhā (desire for a future state), vibhava-taṇhā (desire to
get rid of) and kāma-taṇhā (sensual desire) are the three forms of
desire the Buddha asked us to contemplate. I see kāma-taṇhā as
the constant consuming of experience be it mental, visual, food-
related, or sexual. If you’re always indulging in sensory experiences,
then you’re not available to the Unconditioned.
Bhava-taṇhā is the sense of going somewhere or becoming
something. The third is vibhava-taṇhā, a pushing away or rejection,
where there is a sense of resistance. The way bhava or becoming
might arise, specifically in meditation, is around reading too much
about attainments. This is a kind of trouble we get into in Theravada
Buddhism. We read about masters who worked diligently and had
a fantastic experience. You also want that. You read about levels
of concentration, and wish, ‘I’d like just a bit of that.’ In addition
to this, every now and then you get a taste of something. Your
meditation works and it’s not just about painful knees. You’re really
in trouble if you’ve programmed yourself to get what the masters
got; get what the texts say you should get; or get that experience you
just had or the person next to you had.
I sometimes do interviews with small groups of people during
retreats. In those interviews, people talk about the struggles they
have in meditation. Every now and then, one person will look
radiant, lit up with insight. Everyone else would naturally wish
for a similar experience. That want would be bhava-taṇhā. It’s
very insidious when you sit down with an agenda to either repeat
the performance you had two years ago or get a certain level of
attainment or concentration. That attitude is conjoined with
ignorance, not awareness. Quite often, this cannot be noticed.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 111

 It’s easy to joke about it in this facetious way because I think we’ve
all been there. We can relate to this bhava. We’ve also seen that you
can be really, really trying and not actually noticing that you’re
trying to get something.
That’s why the kind of language I’m trying to use is the language
of, ‘What’s it really like now.’ Simple words. For example, ‘Listen
to sound’, or, ‘Feel the wind on your face’. Just very ordinary
experiences to get to that sense of non-becoming. In terms of
contemplative language, I find the Noble Eightfold Path very
helpful. We have right understanding, right thought, and right
intention. This kind of thinking, for me, is not analytical. It is just
popping in words that remind me of right understanding.
The project of enlightenment cannot be in time because anything
in time must be born, and if it’s born, it will die. Your relationship to
time becomes fundamental to your philosophical attitude towards
this whole business. Freedom or the Unconditioned cannot be
tomorrow or in the future. It does not make sense. It’s not possible.
It can only be akālika dhamma, here and now; not a matter of time.
This understanding begins to underpin your attitudes and the
efforts you’re making. If you notice you’re trying to get something,
then you’re beginning to undercut the whole sense of ‘me in
time becoming something’. That insight, which is a part of right
understanding, will serve your analytical process. Your thinking
processes are now impelled, assisted, directed, or intended by those
right understandings. You naturally start to use language (e.g. non-
becoming and non-resistance) that enunciates or makes conscious
your right understanding. All that conscious use of language can
bring you into akālika dhamma.
Indeed, there are worldly forms of becoming. People have ambitions
and want to achieve certain goals. Is achievement wrong? Are
you going to live under a rock for the rest of your life and watch
turtles? Take the case of building a monastery in central Ontario

112 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
without enough funds. That’s a crazy, ambitious idea, isn’t it? Can
the ambition be from goodness or from a sense of responsibility of
wanting to put food on the table for the children and earn enough
so that they can go to university? Those can be good ambitions. We
have jobs, skills, and ambitions, but they don’t have to be egotistical.
Your job becomes your monastery. Your family is your monastery.
That’s where you learn.
Ambitions can be good. You’d like to improve your skills be it
gardening, teaching, or woodworking. The whole becoming
thing at a worldly level isn’t a recipe for being an uninteresting
and boring person. There is beauty, culture, and art, which
can all be uplifting. But worldly skills are ‘in time.’ If I want to
improve my woodworking skills, then I need to study, work,
and make mistakes. So, the development of skill is in time. The
development of meditation, you could say, is also in time. You get
better at it. But spiritual realisation is here and now; not a matter
of time. So, the meditation skills you are developing are not
for you to get something later, but to be better at knowing now.
This is akālika dhamma.

Q: How do you discern whether to leave a situation or to stay with

it and just accept the suffering?
A: Yes, it’s life, isn’t it? When do you retreat? There’s no easy answer
but one considers the situation. If it is abusive, then get out of there,
if you can. Also, if the situation is so overwhelming that you cannot
be aware and mindful, then you’re heading for trouble because the
stress you are experiencing is going to compound.
The other considerations are social responsibilities like children and
finances. They are complex. There are no easy answers. I suppose
you could be looking at things like: ‘I should be doing something’
or ‘I should be a certain way’. Be careful of those. Maybe there are
cultural norms that are putting pressure on you to do something or

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 113

 a feeling of fear or insecurity. Get in contact with the underlying
resistance to the situation. Ask yourself, ‘Why is it like that?’
I spoke earlier about a situation where I got burnt out. I got so
overwhelmed by it that I didn’t see what was happening to me. The
idea of strategic retreat must be considered in difficult situations.
The idea that you should face and work through all the stresses
you face is an absolute one that you should not hold on to, as it
might crush you. That’s an absolutist, heroic mindset, which is
just another sense of self and personality. This mindset could have
been inculcated into you culturally. There is so much conditioning
in that attitude. Try to look at the underlying self-view. If you’re
exhausted and crying all the time, then you need space and help.
That’s very important. But again, how do you know? I’m not sure.
Seek the help of kalyāṇamittas (spiritual friends). They’re not going
to preach to you. You can bounce off ideas with them. They can give
you an external perspective, which is important. You don’t want to
be alone during tough times. Kalyāṇamittas can provide you with
information and protection when making tough decisions.
The monastic life is based on spiritual friendship. The Vinaya is
not designed for solitude. Monks like solitude, but the Vinaya is
designed for community living with kalyāṇamittas, so that we can
help each other.

Q: Please explain the phrase, ‘Four pairs of persons, the eight kinds
of noble beings,’ in the Buddha-dhamma-saṅgha-guṇā chant?
A: It refers to the four levels of attainment – stream-entry, once-
returning, non-returner, and arahant. The commentary literature
mentions two phases – magga (path) and phala (fruit) – for
each level. It’s complex. But it’s talking about Aryans, which
is a Sanskrit word for ‘noble’. This word is used in Theravada
Buddhism, and these four levels refer to the Aryans or the noble
disciples of the Buddha.

114 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
The phrase describes the path to the Deathless. There’s also a
lessening of greed and hatred at each of these levels. The arahant is a
fully awakened person. I would recommend reading No Worries to
get a sense of the four levels of attainment. I think Luang Por Liem
is fully attained from what he’s recorded as saying in that book.
The first level (stream-entry) happens when the first three fetters of
sakkāyadiṭṭhi (personality view), sīlabbata-parāmāsa (attachment
to rites and rituals), and vicikicchā (doubt about the Path) are
broken. Personality view is taking things personally. For instance,
rabbiting away with angry thoughts induced by self-view, such as:
‘That was idiotic’ or ‘I’m never going to forgive him.’ When I see
anger as anger, I’m in the stream of Dhamma.
Doubt is when you don’t have faith in awareness. You keep doubting
and trying to figure it all out. A lack of faith in the awareness of
change blocks the deepening of wisdom. At that time, you’re in the
stream of thought.
If I think my spiritual practice is a time-bound exercise which will
get me enlightened later on, that’s a ritual to which one can get
attached. For instance, I pray to a deity with the hope that the deity
will look out for me in the future. This is a superstitious ritual.
All rituals and superstitions are about time – whereas Dhamma is
timeless, here and now, and not a matter of time.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 115

 BUDDHA DHAMMA
SANGHA GUNĀ
(Qualities of the Buddha, Dhamma & Sangha)

Iti pi so bhagavā arahaṁ sammā-sambuddho

He, the Blessed One, is indeed the Pure One, the Perfectly
Enlightened One.
Vijjā-caraṇa-sampanno sugato loka-vidū
He is impeccable in conduct and understanding, the
Accomplished One, the Knower of the Worlds.
Anuttaro purisa-damma-sārathī
He trains perfectly those who wish to be trained;
Satthā devamanussānaṁ buddho bhagavāti
He is Teacher of gods and humans; he is Awake and Holy.
Svākkhāto bhagavatā dhammo, sandiṭṭhiko, akāliko,
ehi-passiko
The Dhamma is well-expounded by the Blessed One,
apparent here and now, timeless, encouraging investigation,
Opanayiko, paccattaṁ veditabbo viññūhīti
Leading inwards, to be experienced individually by the
wise.
Supaṭipanno bhagavato sāvaka-saṅgho
They are the Blessed One’s disciples, who have practised well,

116 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Uju-paṭipanno bhagavato sāvaka-saṅgho
Who have practised directly,
Ñāya-paṭipanno bhagavato sāvaka-saṅgho
Who have practised insightfully,
Sāmīci-paṭipanno bhagavato sāvaka-saṅgho
Those who practise with integrity —
Yad-idaṁ cattāri purisa-yugāni aṭṭha purisa-puggalā
That is the four pairs of persons, the eight kinds of noble
beings —
Esa bhagavato sāvaka-saṅgho
These are the Blessed One’s disciples,
Āhuneyyo, pāhuneyyo, dakkhiṇeyyo, añjali-karanīyo
Such ones are worthy of gifts, worthy of hospitality, worthy
of offerings, worthy of respect.
Anuttaraṁ puññakkhettaṁ lokassāti
They give occasion for incomparable goodness to arise in the
world.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 117

DAY FOU R
 YOU C A N ’ T PU T A N
EN D TO T HIN K ING
BY T HIN K ING

Sometimes we feel our aversion towards a person or situations

is justified. While we don’t condone things that we strongly and
morally disagree with, we unwittingly create, in the mind, the
tendencies towards aversion or righteous hatred by entertaining
them as justified causes.
So, how does one live without endorsing things that feel wrong
while avoiding the worldly dhammas of hatred?
In our culture, this aversion or righteous indignation is justified.
But it’s still your mind that is getting angry, so be careful. When
someone was righteously indignant, Luang Por Chah said, ‘Tuk
dae mai jing, jing dae mai tuk,’ which in Thai means, ‘It’s right
but it’s not true. It’s true but it’s not right.’ I might feel indignant
about something, and everyone might agree that I’m right in
feeling that way. But my heart may be full of aversion or delusion,
so it’s not right.
If anger or indignation comes from a strong sense of self and other,
then that will create more anger or indignation in your mind, which
will manifest in other areas of your life. To keep the heart open
within the stupidity and cruelty of the world requires equanimity.
The world is sometimes a Mary Oliver poem. More often than not,
it is a crazy place. You really want to protect the mind because it
is a delicate space that easily picks up material, toxic or otherwise.
You can be affected negatively by offensive, toxic experiences,
so safeguard the inner space. That’s the idea of indriya saṃvara

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 19
 (sense restraint), which is an important part of our monastic life.
Indriya saṃvara doesn’t mean you can’t have fun or do things
that bring joy. It’s just that there is a sense of: ‘What kind of
information am I putting into my mind? How skilful is that going
to be for my future?’
If you find yourself involved in information that is upsetting, and
it consequently keeps rebounding in your mind for hours, then see
how you can lessen exposure to that kind of messages. Sometimes
you can’t. Someone in your family may thrive on expressing
righteous anger. In those instances, use a mantra to ground yourself.
The mantra can be, ‘May I be well. May you be well.’
It concerns me that we can take in toxic material easily. A lot of
young men watch pornography, which is easily available these days.
It is very destructive for the spiritual life as well as for relationships.
We need to be wise in how we choose to participate in society.

Cultivating a wholesome go-to

I talk a lot about the open heart as it seems to me a straightforward
pathway to freedom because it bypasses the whole proliferation of
thought we get caught up in. We can be arguing about something,
saying we shouldn’t be like this or trying to resolve things through
thought. Too much is invested in thought, and it increasingly seems
to be a go-to place for people. While thought is useful for functional
purposes, it can be an impediment to liberating the heart.
In my spiritual life, I’ve cultivated an alternative go-to. When I
started meditating, I tried solving everything, all the time, through
thought. Then as a layperson in Amsterdam, I had the insight that
you can’t put an end to thinking by thinking. It was a profound re-
alisation for me. Of course, you can’t resolve inner conflicts through
thought. So, over the years, a part of my training was to cultivate
alternate points of reference. The openness of the heart became a
useful, pragmatic tool and a joyous place to abide. This cultivation

120 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
took a long time due to the habits of analysis and self-disparage-
ment. For example, I used to think that if I can do something well,
then everyone else can do it better. I’ve gotten into trouble with
that because there are some things that I can do better than others.
I would argue with myself:
No, I’m not;
Yes, I am;
No, I’m not;
Yes, I am.
This sort of thinking was just a habit. Yet, these habits that we have
are very believable, aren’t they? They kind of whisper in our ears,
and as I had discovered in Amsterdam, you can’t ‘think’ yourself
out of these habits.
When I first started practising, I would try to go to my object of
mindfulness, the breath. That didn’t work. It made me think more.
I didn’t realise then I was averse to thought and was hanging on to
the breath to get rid of thinking. But then I noticed thought. I saw
it as mental proliferation. I learned to shift my attention mindfully
and dwell on another part of experience, which is the heart. Now,
that to me is awareness.
Awakening to thought and then shifting attention is different than
trying to get rid of thinking.
When you have the awakened sensibility of ‘thoughts are like this,’
then you can shift to another sense door like the heart. This shift
is done in full awareness, rather than as a reactive response to a
horrible thought.
It’s easy to talk about this but distinguishing ‘what is’ without
unconsciously slipping into trying to get rid of negativities can be
insidious in meditation. So, that’s why I mentioned the idea of non-
resistance. ‘It’s like this’ even though the thoughts may be horrible
or boring. Reflect, ‘Oh, boring thoughts feel like this.’ Even that

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 121

 label is kind of negative, isn’t it? So, cultivate a wholesome go-
to, focus on the language, and simply contemplate, ‘Thoughts
are like this.’

Awareness as conscious space

With the instructions around ‘this is in awareness,’ I’m trying to
indicate awareness as space, conscious space, You’ve all heard me say,
‘There is sound and there is bodily sensation. Sound is changing.’
As soon as I perceive sound as changing, witnessing becomes
stronger. If I’m pursuing the quality of sound, then concentration
sharpens. But what about awareness?
Concentrating on an object is fine but I found it constricting. The
language of space was much more freeing.
The first time I visited Canada after becoming a monk, I heard the
Bob Dylan song, The Times They Are A Changin’, at a store. I just
fell in love with that song. I hadn’t heard Bob Dylan in a decade, so
that was very attractive. On the other hand, the sound of someone
scratching their fingers on a chalkboard would be unattractive.
Awareness is the capacity to not be drawn to the quality of the
experience, but simply knowing it as movement or change.
You can see how important that is in liberation. The realisation of
transcendent peace is not a function of beauty, ugliness, attraction,
repulsion, or a song you love. It’s something deeper.

Witnessing, again and again

In 1977, I was living at the Hampstead Buddhist Vihara in
London, UK. The vihara’s shrine room was on a busy street and
right across from a pub. A rock band used to practise in the pub.
The vihara was an old Edwardian building with 11-ft tall windows
that didn’t have double glazing, so it was cold and noisy. One
day, Luang Por Chah led us in meditation. He said, ‘You think
that noise is bothering you. Stop going out there and bothering

122 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
that noise.’ It was such a good teaching because the noise was just
doing what it does. But the desire mind was saying, ‘Oh, be quiet.
We want to meditate.’
Quite often we’re bothering the sense experience that’s coming
into consciousness. So, keep coming back to this simple witnessing,
again and again.
Do you have a go-to, such as spaciousness or an object, that reminds
you of witnessing? If so, then you’re not holding onto an experience.
Rather you’re able to come back to witnessing.

Sound of silence
I use the heart a lot. One of Luang Por Sumedho’s recommendations
is to use the sound of silence. When the mind gets very spacious and
open, you notice a kind of electronic buzz in the background. It’s
called the nāda-sound (of mental silence) in yoga and it’s there all
the time. Noticing this sound of silence is a good way to relax the
mind into a spacious, empty (though not empty of vitality), silent,
and open state. If you notice that nāda-sound, then see if you can
abide with it. The language of space or sound of silence indicates
that awareness is not just concentrating on an object. Abiding in
that is a sign of non-grasping.
Awareness has the capacity to accept all things and let go of
all things.
The Tibetans are very good at teaching space or ākāsa meditation.
They live high up on the ridge of mountains with unobstructed,
clear, and expansive views of the sky. I think the spacious aspect
of our meditation practice is more enigmatic than, say, focusing
on the out-breath, which is a concrete thing. Experiment with this
suggestion, ‘What would space mean here?’ Now, don’t try to figure
it out, as it’s intuitive.
With space, openness, and the witnessing of change, you have a
lovely abiding for your practice.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 123

 A GARLAND OF
MARIGOLDS

This morning, a lay friend brought a handmade garland of marigolds

for the shrine. This way of expressing devotion is uplifting and
common in Asia, but not practised a lot here by Westerners.
Bhakti is a beautiful way of bringing up a sense of devotion,
aspiration, and gratitude for the Triple Gem and humankind’s
opportunity to awaken. At home, you can have a shrine and
decorate it with flowers and candles. The shrine can be in the
room where you meditate. You wipe dust off the Buddha images
regularly and keep the place clean. This way, it becomes a place of
reverence. While we may aspire to have reverence for everything
all the time, today, this garland of flowers is a simple expression
of deep devotion.

124 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 T H E PAG E R AT H E R
THAN THE PR INT

We’re almost midway through the retreat. I’m reminded of Luang

Por Chah’s ovāda (exhortation), ‘If you want to meditate, meditate.
If you don’t want to meditate, meditate. If your meditation makes
you peaceful, accept it. And if your meditation doesn’t make you
peaceful, then accept that too.’
Remember a meditation retreat is not about interesting experiences.
If this was a symposium, then the organisers would be busy
organising entertaining speakers and lectures on, say, bio-feedback
and mettā bhāvanā. There may be panel discussions on social
justice issues and the ‘Buddhist escapism called monasticism’. We
might also have a fireside chat where someone is making me justify
my existence. That would be exciting and interesting.
However, the schedule in a retreat is the same every day. We do try
to create a good environment, though, which is important.
The whole point of a retreat is not to create interesting experiences.
Your meditative experience may be fantastic, but the focus of a
retreat is more on the blank, white spaces of a page rather than the
printed words.
What is Luang Por Chah’s admonition pointing to? Engagement
with the world of interest and boredom is one of seeking something.
In a retreat, we’re not seeking any kind of experience.
We’re just noticing that in the awareness of change, irrespective of
the quality of the experience, there’s peace. Whereas in situations
where you are trying to attract interest, you’re not looking for peace,
rather stimulation (which is fine too, but quite different).

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 125

 In monasteries, we don’t change the language of the chants or the
chanter. We don’t try to have more interesting events. It is the same
thing, day in and day out. This would be boring for people who
seek fascinating experiences. But if you’re a contemplative, then you
just begin to watch like and dislike. It’s no longer about the seeking
of likable or dislikeable experiences or getting rid of them. It’s
rather the abiding with this whole movement of experience. That’s
the kind of thing we do in a retreat.
It is important to bring into full awareness thoughts like, ‘Well,
that’s enough. Let’s do something interesting;’ ‘I’m not getting
anywhere;’ or ‘I could be doing something useful.’

Going beyond experiences

The idea of a retreat is to trust in the structure of the retreat
rather than in the structure of your thoughts and what the mind
is creating around the retreat. Obviously, if something’s going
on in the family, you must take care of it. You’re not passive in a
foolish way. In monasteries, you give up personal preferences
for the routine. You have pujas in the mornings and evenings,
work periods and private time. You do the same thing every day.
There’s no way you’re going to like it all the time.
So, if you want to meditate, mediate. If you don’t want to meditate,
meditate. Then your meditation goes beyond, ‘Oh, I feel like
meditating today. That’d be nice;’ or ‘I don’t think I’ll meditate
today.’ That kind of attitude to practice doesn’t give you strength
because it’s based on comfort and desire. You may feel like you don’t
have energy in the morning, but you resolve to attend the morning
meditation. You use the time to look at boredom. Going beyond
the experience gives you strength.
Most monks get fed up with Pali chanting. They’d rather hear The
Grateful Dead or some other music. But then the chanting inspires
them. When 100 monks are chanting, you end up in tears because

126 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
it’s uplifting and beautiful. What could also happen is that you live
in a monastery with four tone-deaf monks, and you hate it. These
are the kind of experiences one has, but ‘it’s like this’. Hating the
chanting ‘feels like this,’ and inspiration ‘feels like this’. The mind
is not at peace because of inspiration or disappointment.
A peaceful mind is that which can abide in the movement
of experience.
It’s the white of the page rather than the quality of the print. That’s
why a long retreat is helpful. If you’re starting to negotiate with
yourself about why you should be doing something else, I suggest
you stick to the program, and see what happens. You won’t know
until you persevere.
The feelings of not wanting to meditate, thinking you’re not
getting anywhere, or that your meditation is not very good are not
extreme emotions like anger or fear; they’re just haunting doubts.
Try to make them conscious. Then you’re in the witnessing
mode. You’re on the page rather than the print. Keep coming
back to that. The results aren’t apparent immediately. You will
slowly begin to intuit that silence is the witness, stillness is the
witness. The Unconditioned is somehow in the witnessing rather
than in the experience. You intuit that and become naturally
interested in it. But if you move on any impulsive interest, or with
boredom, away from the suggested structure, then you lose the
opportunity to witness.
Having said that, you don’t want to wilfully push yourself. So, if
you’re feeling like you must stay on the retreat and must do this,
then that’s not really the awakened mind. It’s again the ego mind,
which is well motivated, but not awakened to the feeling of ‘I
have to do this’. It won’t give you insight. It won’t give you peace.
You might make it through this retreat, but you may never want
to do another one for the rest of your life. That’s the downfall of
wilfulness, which isn’t conjoined with wisdom. We’re using will

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 127

 power to do this retreat but it’s not blind or unhappy; the idea is
more around curiosity. In each meditation try to make conscious,
‘What’s going on now? How do I feel about this moment? How is
it?’ You then work from there, from the way things are.

Choiceless awareness
In the last few talks, I’ve been suggesting various perspectives you
might use. Too many approaches can be confusing and you may not
know which one to follow. To review, experiment with an object
like the breath or the heart to know how to localise your attention,
ground yourself, and compose the mind. This is important.
It’s also necessary to develop the capacity to let go of the object
and be in choiceless awareness – just being with the flow of life,
coming and going.
In my experience, some people don’t like breath meditation because
of control issues. It doesn’t work for them. If that’s the case, my
suggestion would be to open the mind. Try choiceless awareness.
Experiment with the sound of silence.
Others find that they get too lost in thought. So, they need to
compose and collect their minds on something.
Many know how to do both. I don’t know what works for you, but
if you understand these two perspectives, then you can experiment
with them.

Enriching the practice with faith and energy

The sound of silence was Luang Por Sumedho’s go-to reference point
for letting go. He heard that sound as a sāmanera but dismissed it.
In 1977, when he was walking on the busy Haverstock Hill Street
in the UK, the sound of silence suddenly came very strongly into his
consciousness. He started to use it like a touchstone consistently, as
a reminder to non-grasping, space, and awareness. He did that for

128 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
many years before teaching it. If you notice that spaciousness, then
you can develop it. You’re still engaged with the world, though,
doing what you must do.
Luang Por would train himself to return to that sound in the middle
of activities, such as when he was riding the Tube (underground rail
system) in London or during a committee meeting. People thought
he was zoning out. He was just aware of the sound of silence. He
would use it all the time while being a diligent abbot, good friend,
and a great teacher. He was always working on his own ‘project’.
Space is another touchstone that can bring you back to remembering
what you already know. Is there something else that would remind
you of the awakened mind? The page rather than the print? That
would be very helpful, wouldn’t it?
Sometimes people use mantras. I used ‘infinite patience, boundless
compassion’ for two years. It was helpful – although those two years
weren’t filled with infinite patience and boundless compassion!
However, the idea is that through recollecting a mantra, the practice
becomes enriched with more faith and energy. So this was a good
phrase for me to keep making conscious. It wasn’t parroting. It was
a recollected phrase, arising from insight. It helped my mind avoid
getting caught up in the text and abiding in spaciousness.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 129

 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH THE WAY THINGS A R E

The text and print on the page are sound, bodily feelings,
thought, emotion, smell, and taste. The awareness, witnessing,
or the knowing is the blank space on the page.

Be the knowing.

Use a sense object to remind you of the knowing. So, if you listen
to sound, then that reminds you of the page.

The page has no real qualities; it’s not big or small. It’s just
knowing. The project is to sustain that knowing of the way things
are for long periods of time.

How might you do that?

 QUESTIONS AND
ANSWERS

Q: Do you teach suttas? How does one formally study them?

A: I don’t teach suttas. I don’t have the gifts of scholarship or
language and I’m not very good at that. I’m sure you’ll find the
structures online. Luang Por Sumedho always recommended
to us The Word of the Buddha by Nyanatiloka Mahathera. It is a
compilation of references to the Four Noble Truths and the Noble
Eightfold Path. It has little Pali stanzas describing the Noble Truths
and the Eightfold Path as well as some commentary. My first teacher
warned me to be careful of the commentaries, so I just looked at
translations of the original text.
In terms of study, I’ve been trained to use the Four Noble Truths as
the backbone, and then contemplate the Noble Eightfold Path. For
instance, you can look at the various aspects of right understanding
and really get your head around them. That’s very helpful.
I’ve found that some people who are interested in Buddhism but
haven’t done a formal study practice can get confused between
psychology, mystical Christianity, Rumi, and Tibetan Buddhism.
That is because they have a whole overlay of good ideas but lack
a consistent intellectual framework or a coherent use of language.
Sometimes they fall into doubt because they’re using different
paradigms from various streams of philosophies and teachings.
For example, the word, ‘emptiness,’ I think, is used differently in
Mahayana and Theravada Buddhism. One reads a text and can take
emptiness to mean the same thing across the board. All teachers are
wonderful and while there is value in figuring out the Theravada

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 131

 terminologies and meanings, it is by no means setting out a
fundamentalist position.
The point of knowing the model is for you to have intellectual
clarity.
For me, that occurred in India in 1971-72. It was a transformative
year for me. I came across J. Krishnamurti’s teachings, which opened
my mind to experiences I’d had as a child. A month later, I met
Venerable Bhikkhu Ñanasuci. He was a smart person and a good
friend with a strong memory of the suttas. He walked me through
some of them, such as the teachings on dependent origination.
Due to his instructions and inspiration, I eventually determined to
become a monk. He was rigorous about language and the use of
terminologies in Theravada Buddhism.
If you want to learn suttas, please do so, but don’t consider it as
an encyclopaedic exercise. Studying suttas is not about an endless
accumulation of knowledge, as it can lead to doubt. That was my
experience, at least.
The Buddhist ‘project’ is to understand why the Buddha talks
about this and that, and how these ideas lead to the unshakeable
deliverance of the heart. Study may help to reduce intellectual
doubt. You will still experience self-doubt as an emotional quality
but getting your head around the Buddhist project is helpful.
The Buddha was an excellent teacher. It took me a long time
to assimilate the teachings because I don’t have the memory of
an academician.
I had an interesting incident with Luang Por Sumedho once.
During a Dhamma meeting, an audience member asked him
the meaning of a commonly used Pali word. Neither of us knew
the meaning! When you’re a young monk, you diligently study
the teachings. In time you begin to understand the project, and

132 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
the analysis falls away. There’s still a lot of work to do, but you
understand the project.
My early years were filled with lots of study. Then, I had the good
fortune of living very close to Luang Por Sumedho for five or six
years, taking care of him and listening to his teachings all the time.
My education was primarily through the oral tradition rather than
by reading scriptures. But I did have that basis of the Four Noble
Truths and the intellectual structure around them. Most monks
are speaking with those teachings in mind although they might
not explain them intellectually. Usually, a Theravada monastic’s
reference points are those structures. They could be trying to pitch
it in contemporary language and therefore refraining from using
Pali words. But if you have an intellectual understanding of those
structures, you can grasp the intention of the teaching. I try to use
different phrases because words tend to lose their contemplative
aspects when people hear them repeatedly. The Buddhist teachings
are reflective. They are like a mirror that help you see what you’re
doing in terms of your spiritual practice vis-a-vis what the Buddha
is suggesting.
Buddhism, or any spiritual tradition for that matter, fails when
it turns into a fundamental belief system of, ‘only this is right;
nothing else is true.’ This is a type of superstition. A lot of pain
and craziness arise in the world due to such rigid beliefs. That’s why
people get turned off by religion.
Fundamentalism is the wrong way to go. That is attachment. If
you have no intellectual structure, you can be confused by the use
of language in different traditions. Once you have understood a
structure – Theravada for me – you can use it to reflect on other
spiritual teachings. For example, I have reflected on Tibetan
Buddhism, Rumi, Advaita Vedanta, and Thomas Merton (a
Roman Catholic monk). Sometimes, I do not understand what
they are explaining or what they’re pointing to. But I enjoy my own

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 133

 Buddhist understanding being challenged by the writings of other
spiritual teachers whom I respect. My own intellectual structures
give me a way of considering what those teachers are offering. It’s
not that I believe or disbelieve what the other traditions are saying,
but I try to use them as a way of enriching and strengthening my
own capacity for reflection and contemplation.

Q: While doing sitting meditation, I experience a lot of tension in

my face, shoulders, and upper back. How can I release that tension?
A: This is very common. One of the ways, of course, would be to
do yoga nidra because you don’t have to hold the body up in that
sitting posture. Do it when you’ve got lots of energy, as it’s not an
aid to falling asleep. That is not what you are trying to do. Check,
‘Is there tension in the body? What’s going on?’ Then do the sitting
meditation. Contrast is good, as it helps you perceive the situation
more clearly. You can also compare your experiences. Be curious
and try to find the difference.
Quite often, the desire to fix arises in meditation. You can get
caught up with trying to fix the posture and bodily tensions. Just
see how that whole fixing part is itself a type of desire.
Somehow you must leave it alone. One way of doing so is by
engaging in whole-body awareness – seeing the body and different
body parts in awareness. As I suggested in an earlier meditation
(p60), notice the mouth, eyes, etc., are in awareness. Sense that the
body is in awareness rather than awareness being in the body. This
exercise can be helpful.
You could also go for a walk or have a biscuit. Just change the whole
program. It’s similar to craft. When I’m working in the wood shop,
if things are not going well, then I step out, go for a walk, watch the
deers, etc. The principle is the same. So, do something different.
Then come back and see what’s happening. Walking away from

134 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
things can be skilful. This allows you to compare experiences. You
get a sense of the desire to fix things. This is again a skill in the
contemplative’s craft. Ask yourself, ‘What’s the desire here? Where
is the desire? What does the desire feel like?’ You are then in the
teaching of the Four Noble Truths.
It’s a kind of inquiring into, rather than trying to let go of pain:
‘What do I want here? Where’s the wanting here?’ Then wait and
see if you can observe the desire. That inquiry process will guide
you to understand the real suffering in this situation. Is it the pain,
tension, or constriction? Is it not wanting the pain and instead
wanting something else?
If you apply the teaching of dependent origination, then you can
see the pain dependently originated from attachment to desire.
You then look at that. You’re always going back to the Four Noble
Truths as your contemplative tool. This basic inquiry is fruitful. It
will give you some insight into the experience. Of course, if it’s too
tough, walk away and try later.

Q: As a young child, the seeds of who I should be (doctor, more like

my brother, etc.) were baked into my consciousness by my parents.
When meditating, I can see the ocean’s waves from the shore and
observe doubt as doubt. Yet, off the cushion, it is my nagging-in-
the-shadows companion. How do you work with doubt outside of
formal practice?
A: Doubt is not uncommon. My problem was fear, so I would ask,
‘Is there an underlying fear?’ Just inquire, ‘What’s the underlying
energy?’ Quite often, these things are grounded in fear, which
is a huge part of our psyche. Then there are the overlays of
personality to deal with the fear as well as living in society in the
way we’ve been conditioned.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 135

 First of all, whenever you feel fear, anytime at all, get to know it
bodily: ‘Where is it in the body?’ In time, you will get good at
recognising fear as a bodily function.
When these self-narratives of ‘I should’ come up, see if there’s a
bodily component to them. Are they familiar? Have you sensed
them before?
If you get good at recognising this in situations that aren’t too
demanding, then you can slowly begin to understand these bodily
experiences in more constricted and complex times. You develop
awareness in the non-complex parts of your life, and then bring it
in naturally into the challenging issues.
In my experience, though, it’s quite often not a problem of doubt,
which, for me, is more intellectual. For example, what is emptiness
in Theravada Buddhism? So, the thinking, analysing, as well as the
trying to always get the right answer and never getting a response
that’s good enough, creates more doubt. Perhaps your experience
is more like fear that’s been conditioned societally and by family,
and which is now manifesting. You work through that by getting
really good at awareness of the body and the heart chakra. You want
to develop a certain level of awareness about the bodily sensations
in your guts, heart, etc., so that you can multitask in terms of
awareness. You want to get this second-level awareness of bodily
feelings, so that when you face complexities, you’ve always got that
going. All constrictions will become obvious and you can stay with
it, even in social situations. You’re staying there with it and getting
to know it. This breaks the attachment because you’re not believing
in the thought pattern.
If thought patterns come up about a perceived inadequacy, just say
to yourself, ‘Oh, this is what inadequacy feels like.’ Keep coming
back to that statement and holding it in your body. But don’t
expect the feelings to disappear. It doesn’t work that way. It’s about

136 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
entering into the feeling of inadequacy or self-doubt. Over time,
you get good at recognising the thought patterns.
This is the work, because you’re taking responsibility and not
mentally proliferating about the doubtful thoughts. If these
thought patterns got conditioned over 20 formative years of your
life, it’s going to take a long time to liberate it from consciousness.
Be very kind and acknowledge, ‘This is not easy but it’s good work.’
It takes a lot of compassion and patience, so be gentle. Good luck.

Q: How do you prepare for death and the last stages of life? What
Buddhist practices, chants, and Theravada rituals are helpful?
A: If you think consciousness dies with the body, then dwell on
the good work you’ve done and the loving relationships you’ve had.
In the last few years, several friends of the monastery with terminal
cancer have asked me, ‘I’m on palliative care now. How do I
do dying?’
My response has been, ‘What do you think consciousness is? Do
you think it gets snuffed out with the death of the body? Do you
perceive it as a material element or not?’
All these women have said, ‘No, I don’t think consciousness is a
physical phenomenon.’
Then, I ask them to reflect, ‘What do you think happens to
consciousness at the death of the body?’
‘I don’t know’ would be an honest answer, but what would be the
best way to explore that question when you’re dying?
It would be through mindfulness and awareness of the present
moment.
When you’re talking to someone about death and dying, you must
use the language and religious philosophy they follow. Understand

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 137

 their philosophical or religious backgrounds. Do not argue about
it. Rather, think how you can use that model of consciousness
and concepts about birth and death to make that person happy
and contented. Don’t try to convert them, because that would be
oppressive. Engage in this with the attitude of not knowing the
person – even if you think you know them. Maybe you don’t know
where they stand on these issues. Get a dialogue going and earn
their trust first. Your own intuitions will then kick in and, usually,
guide you well.
When my mom died, I asked my brother to delay the mortician’s
arrival because I really wanted to be with her body. I washed her
body, got her dressed up nicely and laid her out beautifully on the
bed. I just wanted to be a part of the process as much as possible.
Some of my lay friends came. We chanted, which was powerful.
Then I turned off all the heat. My mom died in March when the
average temperature in Ottawa (Canada) is around –5 C. I opened
the windows in her room and sometimes slept on the floor. After
36 hours I became tired, as I was organising the funeral. My
brother asked the mortician to take her body away. So, as a monk,
obviously, I knew the chants and rituals. I had reflections that
I could do, which was lovely. I also had an association of friends
who could join me.
I’ve been to hospice to visit friends a few times. I typically chant
when I’m there, which is calming for my friends. If you have a
history of chanting, and have fond memories about it, then it’s going
to be helpful to hear the chants when you’re dying. It is peaceful,
and the patients relax.
In Asia, families have recordings of protective chants, which are
played to people who are on their deathbeds. It is said to be soothing.
During hospice visits, I’ve found that even if a person doesn’t
have that background, they like hearing the chants because it feels
wholesome and good.

138 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
There are no must-do rituals in Buddhism when a person dies. We
think the momentum of a person’s life creates the next possibility.
The rituals are more for the living. Superstitions can creep into
cultures and people think a ritual must be done in a certain manner.
It is usually a function of fear.
I’ve seen interesting funerals in quasi-Buddhist settings. I remember
the funeral of an Asian woman in New Zealand. She was part of an
Indonesian music band and an Italian renaissance dancer. She loved
poetry too. Her funeral was fascinating. Lovely music was played as
we entered the chapel. Her ex-partner and son read poems. Then,
two people performed an Italian renaissance dance routine up and
down the aisles. I spoke and we did some chanting. We ran over
time by an hour, but all the attendees were happy. A funeral doesn’t
have to be traditional. It can have different elements. The most
important part of a funeral for me is the reflective portions of the
service. These days, people don’t want to talk about death. They
only want to celebrate a person’s life. A funeral is an opportunity for
us to reflect on death and consciousness, which is very important.

Q: In these times, there’s a lot of disruption, fear, and pain. I

believe that belonging to a sangha is important, but we cannot
meet in person. So, what are the qualities of a good, beneficial
virtual sangha?
A: A good friend is one who raises your spiritual game. If
a friend allows you to whine and complain as well as starts
complaining, then they’re not a spiritual friend. Instead, they’re an
ally of stupidity.
A kalyāṇamitta would make friends more aware of their moaning,
complaining minds. A sangha’s attitude should be: ‘How can we
take this to the liberation from suffering rather than moaning
about the world?’

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 139

 It is good to have in the sangha people who aren’t afraid to bring
Dhamma into the discussion and take personal responsibility,
but not in a sermonising manner. It would be offensive to dismiss
members’ concerns. Encourage people who are like-minded and
can really listen to others.
Now, how do you determine what you need in a kalyāṇamitta and
how do you go about getting that? Monks need samaṇa saññā,
which is the perception of a renunciant. That’s very powerful.
I’m inspired by monks living diligently. A sloppy monk, who is
indulgent in speech, etc., won’t be a kalyāṇamitta. Hopefully, we
raise his game in some way.
Morality, diligence, social responsibility, right speech, etc., are
the signs of spiritual life. This ensures encouraging and inspiring
social interactions. What’s the point of a group of people indulging
in a moaning session about the death of the planet or something
ominous? The sangha’s goal would be to keep Dhamma as the focus
of conversations. Study groups are good, too, as well as spaces to
discuss issues like financial security, parenting, and education from
a Dhamma perspective. Look at helping people out with pragmatic
stuff because we really need friends in difficult times in whatever
ways that might be.

Q: The Buddha taught us to be compassionate and offer mettā to all

beings. Can we offer compassion for beings, such as public figures
who may be immoral or cruel, while simultaneously disliking them
or their behaviours? What are the implications if we withhold mettā
or karunā (compassion) because of a dislike?
A: I don’t perceive the teaching around mettā in that way. I sense it
more as an energy system within me. When the heart is whole and
functioning without the interruptions of egotism, it’s always open

140 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
and available. If it closes with hatred, it would be to the detriment
of those who are close to me and myself.
Now, the critical commentary about foolish and dangerous people
is the socio-political part of my life. In that realm, I can strongly
say what’s wrong. But is mettā bhāvanā something you offer to
one person, and withhold from another? That doesn’t compute for
me. The heart is either open or closed. I don’t want to occupy my
bandwidth with hatred. This doesn’t mean I approve or condone
the foolishness in the world. If I have some power, I must act to
resolve that problem.
Protecting our minds from following hatred seems like a logical
thing to do. At the minimum, the practice of mettā is not dwelling
in aversion. It doesn’t mean you like or even love a person. It’s simply
not dwelling in aversion. His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Nelson
Mandela, and Dr. Martin Luther King rose to the occasion; they
refused to hate. Nelson Mandela refused to hate the people who
imprisoned him. His Holiness the Dalai Lama refuses to hate the
Chinese. He’s not naïve. He’s very active politically.
It’s also not about others. It’s about our hearts. If we’re perpetuating
aversion towards others, then somehow, it’s going to come back into
our lives. At some point, it would get triggered. There’s always a
price to pay.
We’re not doormats, though. To call evil, evil, is correct. We have to
be able to say, ‘No, that’s wrong. You cannot do that.’
In Buddhism, there’s the conventional reality of evil in the world
and the transcendent heart. Both are important.

Q: May I use my tinnitus as a nāda practice?

A: As far as I know, tinnitus can be of varying degrees of intensity,
so be careful. If you’ve got a way of being at ease with the tinnitus,
then leave it as is. It is important to be at peace with it.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 141

 Q: Fear, panic, and body pain have been arising in my practice.
They arose after months of tranquility. I have been allowing it and
sensing the peace around it. What else will be helpful?
A: Firstly, get a good physical check-up. Make sure the system is
okay. Then make it a challenge of getting to know fear and panic
and the desire around them. With these emotions, the problem is
the desire to not be afraid and panic. It might seem counterintuitive
to welcome fear and panic but do so without putting yourself in
dangerous situations. It’s a very hard thing to do, but this way,
you’ll see the desire to not have these emotions. Abide as a witness
and see what the underlying desire is. Just look at fear; not the
energy or the desire not to have the fear. Once you get a handle
on that, you realise, ‘Yes!! It’s about welcoming.’ That’s where
mettā bhāvanā comes in.
Mettā bhāvanā or compassion is the allowing of fear to be an object
in awareness.
Thought will spin you out. Your goal can then be to not go to
thought.
Go to the body and look at the craving to get rid of thoughts. Tell
yourself, ‘It’s okay. You [thoughts] can come and stay all day.’ It’s
hard to navigate that. But, when people have extreme situations,
that changes them. Check it out on all levels because who knows
how these things work.

142 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
DE PE N DE N T OR IG I NAT ION

Avijjā paccayā saṅkhārā.

With ignorance as condition formations come to be.

Saṅkhārā paccayā viññāṇaṃ.

With formations as condition sense consciousness comes to be.

Viññāṇa paccayā nāma-rūpaṃ.

With sense consciousness as condition mentality-materiality
comes to be.

Nāma-rūpa paccayā saḷāyatanaṃ.

With mentality-materiality as condition the six sense-spheres
come to be.

Saḷāyatana paccayā phasso.

With the six sense-spheres as condition contact comes to be.

Phassa paccayā vedanā.

With contact as condition feeling comes to be.

Vedanā paccayā taṇhā.

With feeling as condition craving comes to be.

Taṇhā paccayā upādānaṃ.

With craving as condition clinging comes to be.

Upādāna paccayā bhavo.

With clinging as condition becoming comes to be.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 143

 Bhava paccayā jāti.
With becoming as condition birth comes to be.
Jāti paccayā jarā maraṇaṃ soka parideva dukkha
domanass’upāyāsā sambhavanti. Evametassa kevalassa
dukkhakkhandhassa samudayo hoti.
With birth as condition, then old age and death, sorrow,
lamentation, pain, grief and despair all come into being.
Such is the origination of this entire mass of suffering.

M AJ J H I M A N I K ĀYA 1 1 5 . 1 1 , S A Ṃ Y U T TA N I K ĀYA 1 2 .4 1 ,

A Ṅ G U T TA R A N I K ĀYA 10. 9 2 .

1 44 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 C AU S E A N D E F F E C T

Dependent origination is one of the first teachings Venerable

Bhikkhu Ñanasuci helped me understand because it is
complicated. I’ll try to keep it simple. Dependent origination is
about conditionality; cause and effect. It comes from idapaccayatā,
which is a simple formula of causality. It means, ‘with this, there’s
that; when there’s not this, there’s not that.’ When the light switch
is on, there’s light. When it is turned off, there’s no light. This is
an example of simple causality. You could extend that causality. I
can read the text in front of me because the light is on, thanks to a
working light bulb and an active power grid. Dependent origination
is just the way nature is functioning. It’s around us all the time.
The most important question in the teaching of dependent
origination is, ‘What’s the causality of suffering? How does it arise
and cease?’
Dependent origination is a complex formulation with 12 parts. It
begins, ‘Avijjā paccayā saṅkhārā’ (With ignorance as a condition,
there are formations). Avijjā doesn’t mean lack of knowledge.
Luang Por Sumedho’s phrase, ‘taking it personally,’ would be the
best way to look at avijjā.
Let’s say I’m an 85-year-old grandfather with two children and
four grandchildren. It’s my birthday, and I’m away from my
family. I’m hoping they’ll wish me a happy birthday, but they
forget to call. I feel terribly disappointed. So, my disappointment
is dependently originating on all that came before it. If I attach
to the disappointment, then the mind starts to spin self-thoughts
around it: ‘They don’t love me anymore. They had an accident. It’s
not fair. I sent them so many presents last year. They’re old enough

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 145

 to write to me.’ These self-narratives would be examples of bhava
(becoming) and jāti (birth) in the dependent origination cycle.
In this scenario, I’m a sensitive person expecting something, and
I feel disappointment. The craving is not to have that feeling of
disappointment, which has been conditioned by my expectations.
If I don’t see the cause of my disappointment – the craving – then
I’ll jump into the situation with self-view and run with it. Thus,
there is rebirth. That’s one way to think of rebirth. There’s rebirth
of a person in thought and in emotions that run for the next day or
three. To stretch this further, imagine that the family finally calls
with the terrible news that their house had burned down. Chances
are that since I’ve hated them for two days, I will start to feel guilty.
So, with disappointment as a condition, there is hatred and with
hatred as a condition, there’s guilt.
The call would be an example of contact (phassa) in the wheel of
dependent origination. This contact conditions the feelings of guilt
and hate as well as the thought, ‘I’m a terrible grandfather.’ Clearly,
I’m suffering with guilt and self-hatred.
What’s the way out? First and foremost, do not take it personally.
See disappointment as a natural phenomenon, which has arisen
because of expectation. It’s a chain of causality in nature. That’s
very hard to do. If possible, see this birth of a sense of a person
as an object. Watch that in meditation. For example, you can see
the regret you have about having done something last week, the
resentment over what someone did to you, or your worries about
the future as being just regrets, resentments, and worries. If the
sense of self gets wrapped up in these emotions and you run with I/
me/mine thoughts, then those thoughts condition rebirth. That’s
the cause of suffering.
The first step in breaking the cycle of birth and death is to see
feeling as feeling, contact as contact, craving as craving, and not go
to the attachment. This is difficult in the midst of it all. Let’s say a

146 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
child said, ‘I hate you.’ That would hurt, but you’re mature enough
to not believe the statement. It breezes through you, and it doesn’t
lodge there as any kind of self. It could go the other way too. The
hurt gets lodged in the body, and thoughts come up: ‘It’s a terrible
child. I’m never going to talk to them again.’
Feelings (vedanā) arise from contact. They can be pleasant,
unpleasant, or neither pleasant nor unpleasant. The Buddha’s
teachings have made it clear that you’re in trouble if you’re just
looking for pleasant feelings – because it does not work that way.
You can start to move away from riding the waves of pleasant and
unpleasant feelings and move towards equanimity and peace. The
birth-death cycle is broken by doing that.
The Buddha realised there is something that’s not part of that
birth-death paradigm; something which is Unborn. As soon as
you put it into words, it sounds like a thing you must find. The
language is very difficult here. His realisation of the Unconditioned,
Uncreated, Unoriginated, Unborn, the Deathless, Peace, the
Harbour, or the Island – all those words are like the trick question I
keep asking, ‘Does everything change?’ No, because Nibbāna is not
about change. Dependent origination is key to understanding this
spiritual dimension.
Another way to approach dependent origination is by under-
standing saṅkhata and asaṅkhata. Saṅkhata means conditioned.
Venerable Thanissaro Bhikkhu describes it as fabricated,
built, and made up of things. On the other hand, there’s the
Unfabricated, Uncreated, or Unconditioned. It’s not built of
things. It’s not dependent on things. Now, this is very mysterious.
It’s a challenging thing to talk about. The aim of the Buddha’s
realisation is not a trivial example of conditionality, but to realise
the Unconditioned. That’s the project. The logic is that if you’re
trying to find peace in that which is conditioned, you’ll always be
disappointed. While conditionality is important to understand,

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 47
 we’re trying to discover asaṅkhata (the negation of conditionality).
If you understand the nature of relative and conventional truths,
and societal responsibility through the lens of conditionality,
then you’ll create the conditions most suitable for your
well-being as well as for the well-being of others.
You use conditionality at the worldly level. But your spiritual practice
is at the level of non-grasping. How? Let’s use the earlier grandfather
example. He feels disappointment and realises it’s painful. But there
is a way to not get reborn as a disappointed grandfather. He bears
witness to the changing nature of the unpleasant feeling as well as
to the unfulfilled desire to not have disappointment. He welcomes
the painful feelings – ‘it’s like this’ – and begins to see the cessation
of wanting and craving.

148 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
That’s one of the ways to talk about the Unconditioned. It’s realised
through the cessation of the mind going out into objects and the
objective world.
Dependent origination is not a very complex teaching, but it can
be formulated in a challenging way. The nub, for me, has always
been, ‘Why did the Buddha teach?’ He taught because he had
this realisation. Now, what does that mean in my own search
for freedom and social life? I live in dependently originated
circumstances. It can’t be any other way. But then my curiosity is
about the Unconditioned. So, I can see that my desire to have sense
experiences in a certain way is the problem. I remain as witness,
while the object of desire arises and ceases. I begin to realise the
Third Noble Truth: The cessation of craving is the realisation of
Nibbāna, the peace of the mind that isn’t contingent and dependent
on a conditioned phenomenon. So, you have both operating. How
could it be otherwise? This body is dependently originated, and it
will die.
Here’s a Buddhist joke for you: ‘Why am I sick?’ ‘Well, because
you were born.’ Jokes aside, that’s the ultimate medical condition,
and it’s true. It’s also true that I can do something about my
sickness before I die. That’s where dependent origination comes
into the picture.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 49
 SPECIFIC
CONDITIONALIT Y
O R I DA PAC C AYATĀ

Iti imasmiṃ sati idaṃ hoti,

imassuppādā idaṃ uppajjati.
Imasmiṃ asati idaṃ na hoti,
imassa nirodhā idaṃ nirujjhati.
with the arising of this, that arises.
When this does not exist,
that does not come to be;
with the cessation of this, that ceases.

M AJ J H I M A N I K ĀYA 1 1 5 . 1 1 , S A Ṃ Y U T TA N I K ĀYA 1 2 .4 1 ,

A Ṅ G U T TA R A N I K ĀYA 10 . 9 2 .

150 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
DAY F I V E
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH THE MOOD OF THE MIND

What is the mood of the mind this morning? Are you tired? Are
you troubled by family or health issues? Do you feel inspired? Do
you want to meditate or not? What is the mood of the mind? It
doesn’t really matter. The knowing accepts all things and let’s go
of all things.

The mood of the mind might not be anything special. It can be

neutral and ordinary. You could also be grumpy about feeling
tired and not having a good night’s sleep. But you don’t have to
be that way. You can just know, ‘tiredness is like this’ – and be
patient. Then tiredness is known; it is not a problem. You don’t
have to create a self around it through thought, which causes
unnecessary suffering.

Establish clarity of presence; that’s the first thing to do. Right

now, how is it? How are you? Let that become conscious. You’re
not having an internal discussion about your likes and dislikes.
You’re allowing whatever is – the good, bad, and indifferent – to
become fully conscious. The mind is open, attentive, and awake.
It also has the heartfelt quality of allowing life to be as it is.

After establishing clarity of presence, you enter the practice

you’d like to do. I like to go to the heart and bring up the feeling
of gratitude in each in- and out-breath. It’s a lovely way to start
the day. On the in-breath, I bring up thoughts of gratitude. On the
out-breath, I mentally wish, ‘May all beings be well.’

If you feel sleepy or dull, then increase the volume of breath.

Breathe more deeply, enjoy the breath, open the chest, straighten
the back, and sit taller so that you’re active in attention as well
as in posture. Know the mood of the mind, rather than being it.
 T H E MOR N I NG R I T UA L

This morning, I felt tired. I’m 73, so I’m going to feel tired more
often. But tiredness is tiredness. What to add to that? I can also be
unaware, grumble to myself while brushing my teeth, and sort of be
awake but not really awake. The other option is to set the intention
even before sleeping to always know the mood of the mind.
Train yourself to know the mood of the mind from the moment
you wake up. Right away, you’re into awareness. There’s freedom
in that.
The mood is still the mood, but you don’t have to create a sense
of self around it. It’s just life. Our practice is about not becoming,
such as not becoming a grumpy person.
His Holiness the Dalai Lama once said, ‘Compassion is the
method.’ I found that insightful as I thought compassion was the
goal. Before I became a bhikkhu, my understanding had been that,
in Theravada Buddhism, the method is strong concentration, and
you attain different levels of meditative refinement. I didn’t know
anything about them. I just took it on trust. But then none of my
teachers talked about concentration. Luang Por Chah and Luang
Por Liem focused on non-grasping, non-attachment, compassion,
and kindness. They encouraged us to be sensitive, generous, and
responsible as well as to cultivate harmony and friendliness. That
was the language used in my training. When His Holiness said,
‘compassion is the method,’ I understood that it’s not the goal; it’s
what one does. Now, I can’t always be compassionate. I can also
feel tired. But then I can open the heart and tell myself, ‘Oh, with
compassion, I can know tiredness.’

154 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
I realised that awareness needs to have this heart component of
acceptance and openness.
These insights are very important. That’s how insights work
sometimes. Someone says something, which makes sense and then
becomes the path for years. For instance, what’s the mood of the
mind? What does the heart feel like? The mood can be tired, which
is unpleasant, but then with the heart you are aware, ‘Unpleasant
feels this way.’ It’s not a problem, then. It’s alright.
Waking up to the mood of the mind as soon as you get up in the
morning is part of the contemplative’s craft. It prepares you well
for breakfast with family and whatever else comes along that day.
But if you wake up and don’t know the mood, then you just make
the next hour or so more difficult. It is quite practical that way as
is starting the day with a chant like The Buddha’s Words on Loving-
Kindness (p193).

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 155

Luang Por Liem
 LUA NG P OR L I E M

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Luang Por Liem is now 80 years old. He has been a monk for
more than 60 years. He comes from an agricultural family
with little formal education, and yet he is the abbot of Wat
Nong Pah Pong in Northeast Thailand, the monastery
started by Luang Por Chah. It is our main monastery. All the
others are emanations from it. As you may know, Luang Por
Chah was paralysed for ten years before his death; he couldn’t
move his body. Before he became ill in 1982, Luang Por
Chah appointed Luang Por Liem as Wat Nong Pah Pong’s
abbot. Luang Por Liem managed the monastery’s affairs
and ensured Luang Por Chah was looked after well. Luang
Por Liem, a highly attained monk, is very much beloved
by all of us. He is engaged with work in the monastery
and has even been mistaken as a labourer at times. He is a
very interesting monk.
I will share a few interesting bits from the book, No Worries,
which contains some of Luang Por Liem’s teachings as well
as a short biography.
The incident quoted below happened in 1969 when Luang
Por Liem had been a monk for around eight to nine years
and was very much in the study realm of Thai Buddhism.
He must have been in his 30s then. Luang Por Liem found it
unsatisfactory and was fed up with studying. He met Luang
Por Chah and felt he could trust him. Luang Por Liem
believed Luang Por Chah would guide him properly. He had
great faith in Luang Por Chah.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 157

 LUA NG P OR L I E M

I came to Wat Pah Pong with a mind that was interested

in the training, practice, and development of myself. I
undertook some special practices all for myself. For example,
after the group meditation meetings in the evening I took the
opportunity to put forth some more effort in the practice,
trying to develop diligence as a habit. I didn’t socialize. I
didn’t relate to other monks. I didn’t speak with anybody. In
that rainy season we were almost 50 altogether, if I remember
correctly, 47. I didn’t get into contact with anybody,
living like somebody who really takes his chance. And the
opportunities for practice were fantastic. I was trying to train
myself in understanding all the feelings that arise when one is
completely left to nature. If we are given a chance like this, we
need to try hard and be resolute to use it. But it wasn’t always
the case that I was very diligent. Sometimes, I also felt lazy.
Laziness comes up when egotistic feelings take hold of us.
What I did to face this was to ask myself constantly: ‘What
have I come here to do?’

B O OK ’ S T R A N SL ATOR S

The rains’ retreat is a time when the monks of a monastery

usually intensify their efforts in practice. Luang Por’s high
aspirations and motivation led to a powerful experience at
the beginning of the rainy season, of which he tells:

LUA NG P OR L I E M

I experienced something stranger than anything I had ever

experienced before. From the beginning of the rains retreat
on up to the second month I felt great saddhā (faith) in the
practice. There was no decline, no thoughts of discouragement
at all in my practice.

158 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
The practice went well the whole time, although there were a
few experiences of the mind getting involved with desires or
defilements. But they weren’t very strong.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Obviously, Luang Por had a lot of pāramis (perfections)

that he had developed by working very hard and constantly
practicing mindfulness, awareness.
Again, the translators of the book write:

B O OK ’ S T R A N SL ATOR S

Around the middle of the rainy season of the year 2512 (1969)
Luang Por Chah encouraged the monks to practise with
special intensity. They weren’t supposed to speak to each
other and the communal morning and evening meetings for
chanting and meditation were cancelled. Luang Por Chah
saw that it was the time to give the monks more opportunity
to do this practice on their own. So Luang Por Liem increased
his efforts and as he did so, results became evident. On the 9th
of September around 10:00 p.m. he experienced an immense
transformation in his mind. He had a feeling of extraordinary
brightness and happiness, of which he reports:

LUA NG P OR L I E M

It is impossible to describe this kind of happiness to

someone else. It is impossible to make someone else know
and understand it. It isn’t the happiness of getting things
according to one’s wishes and not the happiness because
things are agreeable; it’s the kind of happiness that goes
beyond these two. Walking is happiness, sitting is happiness,
standing is happiness, and lying down is happiness. There is
the experience of delight, and joy all the time. Furthermore,
one is able to uphold the knowledge in one’s mind that this

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 159

 happiness arises completely by itself and eventually will
vanish by itself. Both sukha [happiness] and dukkha in an
experience like this are still entirely impermanent states.
I was able to maintain the knowledge of this fact all the
time. In every posture – standing, walking, sitting, and
lying down – there was a continuous and equal experience
of happiness. The state was the same whether I was doing
sitting or walking meditation.
If one were to try to describe the mind in this state one could
say there is brightness, but the word ‘bright’ actually doesn’t
describe correctly what the experience is like. It is as if there is
nothing that can make the mind get involved with anything.
This experience lasted for a day and then changed again.
Then the mind became utterly peaceful, not at all exhausted,
tired, or sleepy, but filled with clarity, radiance, and coolness,
imbued with various kinds of delight and rapture. This
experience lasted completely without reference to time. It
was truly akāliko, timeless. The same feeling continued on
through all the four postures. Eventually I asked myself:
‘What is this?’ The answer was: ‘A mode of the mind.’ It is
like this in itself. When there is happiness, we simply take it
as happiness … it is simply a matter of happiness. When there
is peace, we simply take it as a matter of peace … and we just
look at our happiness on and on and we just look at our peace
on and on … unremittingly.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

What I take from this account is not just the bliss of the
experience, but also his capacity for sustained awareness. Such
an extraordinary experience can excite you. You can easily lose
awareness. You wonder, ‘What have I got? What attainment
is that?’ You then try to recreate that experience in a future
meditation and feel frustrated when it doesn’t happen. Here,

160 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Luang Por Liem is practising awareness unremittingly, but
it’s not in a concentrated, absorbed manner. It is very much
with life. There’s unremitting awareness of anicca, dukkha,
and anattā. To me, that is a better way to understand sammā
samādhi than ‘right concentration’. There’s composure and
focus, but it’s not separate from life.

B O OK ’ S T R A N SL ATOR S

Eventually on the evening of the 10th of September a change

to something new that Luang Por hadn’t experienced before
took place. A feeling of weariness, frustration and fatigue
took over. Whenever he sat or walked, he felt sleepy. Even
after he got up after having rested the tiredness remained. In
each posture he felt completely exhausted. It got to the point
where he fell asleep while he was doing walking meditation
and ran into some thorns. His whole face became scratched
and sore. ‘At least the sleepiness will disappear now,’ he
thought, but the fatigue continued to remain as strong as
before. Still, he endured, telling himself that it is natural to
face obstacles in the practice, which to some extent everybody
needs to pass. With these reflections in mind, he understood
that he needed to look at this tiredness that previously
hadn’t been present. After all, this fatigue just arose, so it
was impermanent too. Using this insight, he attempted
to maintain awareness of the sleepiness.
On the 11th, Luang Por experienced another change, namely,
a great peace and happiness returned to his mind. In all four
postures there was clarity and gladness. Simply being by
himself was very pleasant. Nothing could intrude and stir
up his mind. External objects impinging on the mind just
couldn’t reach it. When working together with the monks
and novices during chores, although he was together with
others, he felt the same as if alone. He wasn’t interested in

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 161

 what they were talking or chatting about. He couldn’t be
bothered to think much about what was happening at all,
and when the chores were finished, he simply went back to
his hut. The next day passed with the ongoing happiness
and peace continuing as if it was a normal and ordinary
experience. With unceasing attention, Luang Por continued
to look at both his mind and the objects of his mind.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Before reading this description, your vision of Theravada

Buddhist meditation was perhaps one of strong concentration
and absorption. But in this book Luang Por Liem talks
about hauling water and working alongside other monks.
We can see that he’s living the normal life of a monk; he’s
not absorbed into a refined mental state and living in some
kind of meditative trance. He’s with the situation, but there’s
unremitting mindfulness. That might be an interesting way
to think of sammā samādhi, rather than to use the ideas of
absorption. I’m not saying they’re wrong, but I do wonder if
they’re misleading.
Luang Por Liem is very focused, but it is not on an object. It’s
about presence. It’s about awareness. It’s about knowing the
way things are. At least, that’s how I interpret it.

B O OK ’ S T R A N SL ATOR S

When the evening of the 12th approached, he started to

question himself: ‘Why do we actually practise …? What’s all
this practice for?’ And the answer arose:

LUA NG P OR L I E M

We don’t practise for anything; we practise for the sake

of practice. Whatever it will lead to doesn’t matter at all.
Our duty is to practise, so we practise and try to maintain

1 62 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
mindfulness and awareness with it. In each moment we keep
teaching ourselves. Whatever we are doing, we try to have
mindfulness and awareness. Whether we are walking to or
fro, we keep everything in a state of perfect balance.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Even when doubt arose, Luang Por Liem didn’t go into

analysis or look for answers in a book. He is just there:

LUA NG P OR L I E M

Why do we practise? We practise for the sake of practice.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

He doesn’t get caught in the intellect, trying to figure

something out because he knew it as a condition. Instead,
he continued practising. Now, the understatement of
this paragraph:

LUA NG P OR L I E M

Finally, I felt I had done enough walking meditation for that

day, because I became quite tired, and my feet already hurt
very much. The bones of my feet felt like they were piercing
through the skin, as I had been walking the whole day and
night without rest. It is normal to experience painful feelings
in the body if we overuse a single posture. But it is also normal
that feelings change again, so I thought, it’s really enough
walking meditation for today. I went up to my hut, put on
my robe with the right shoulder open and the outer robe
folded over the left shoulder, sat down facing east (the same
direction as Luang Por Chah’s hut), thought of my teacher
and started meditating.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 163

 LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Who can do that? He has resilience and determination to

have unremitting mindfulness all the time.

B O OK ’ S T R A N SL ATOR S

The meditation was very peaceful and the same reflection as

before came up in Luang Por Liem’s mind: ‘We don’t practise
for anything; we practise for the sake of practice.’

LUA NG P OR L I E M

Keeping this teaching in my mind, I kept on meditating.

Normally I would sit in meditation until about 10 or 11 p.m.
and then stop to have a rest, but on this day, I continued
sitting for about eight hours without moving or making the
slightest change in posture.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Again, who can do that? You might think, ‘Oh, that’s not
for me. I am going to do the seal posture; I’m finished after
half-an-hour.’
Luang Por Liem has incredible pāramī. Obviously, he’s
bringing a lot into this lifetime. He is an amazing person. Set
that aside for a moment and think about what he is actually
doing – unremitting mindfulness and awareness. We can
take this from his biography. He’s also putting in a fair bit
of effort into doing that – he sat without moving for eight
hours. Certainly, when people read such accounts, they try
to sit, without moving, for hours and end up injuring their
bodies. This cannot be done with wilfulness. Not moving
with wilfulness is still down to ego. It has to be done with
mindfulness and with kind regard for yourself. As Luang Por

164 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Liem showed us, it requires an understanding of continued,
unremitting mindfulness and awareness.

LUA NG P OR L I E M

With this experience of peace, the mind changed. The feeling

of peacefulness shot up and pervaded throughout the whole
body, as if something were taking hold over it. It felt cool, a
coolness that suffused the whole body … so very cool … an
experience of the whole body becoming completely light and
at ease. The head felt so cool the whole day and night, as if
there was a fan blowing over it. Cool, peaceful, quiet, and
still. No experience of thoughts at all, and no clue at all where
they had disappeared. Everything silent, completely. It felt
totally quiet. The only experience left was that of utter peace
and stillness. The body felt tranquil, cool, and light.
This experience continued on throughout the whole year, not
just for a day or two. In fact, it has continued on unchanging
for many years, all from that one go.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Here you have someone who has realised the Unchanging,

the Unconditioned, Peace, the Harbour. I love Luang Por
Liem’s description. It has no technical terms or jargon. His
language is ordinary, but he is a very extraordinary person.

LUA NG P OR L I E M

There is the state of coolness, as if in the brain, whether

sitting or lying down, coolness in every position. All worries,
concerns, or similar thoughts from the thinking mind are
totally gone. Thinking in this or that direction ceased. All
quiet, just like a forest where there isn’t the slightest sound
of any bird singing. Truly quiet. No wind blowing at all. Just
ongoing tranquillity and peace.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 165

 It feels like there are no saṅkhārās, no proliferations of the
mind. All the suffering that arises with kilesas [defilements]
that had bothered me before, the kilesas concerning the other
sex or all kinds of ambitions that I had before, I don’t know
where they all disappeared. Seeing somebody, I just had the
feeling of seeing it as absolutely normal. To see a person as
simply a person: just that much. No beautiful persons, no
ugly persons – people simply would be specifically the way
they were. This is the kind of peace and tranquillity that
arose. I don’t know what it was, but I also didn’t care what
it was, always knowing it is like this by itself in just this way.
It is like this through peacefulness and tranquillity. There
isn’t anything to be concerned about, as far as how various
things exist. As concerns dukkha, I don’t know what dukkha
is like. As concerns laziness, I don’t know what laziness is
like. Questioning myself about laziness, there wasn’t any.
Questioning myself about dukkha, there wasn’t any. The
feeling inside my heart was exactly like this.
I tried to recall and pin down that which is called dukkha.
What is it? I really don’t know. I only know how they discern
the meaning in terms of conventional language because
dukkha is just something created by common conventions.
When the mind has no dukkha, all conventions whatsoever
don’t exist in the mind. And the experience of this feeling
has lasted on continuously all the time since then; there
has been no change all the way up to the present day. This
same state still lasts on, and it has been stable, continuous
and without changes.

LUA NG P OR V I R A DH A M MO

Sādhu, sādhu,sādhu!
For a bit of context, Luang Por Liem is the abbot of our biggest
monastery, which was established in 1954 by Luang Por

1 66 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Chah. Around 60 monks live there. Every year, on January
16th, there is a large gathering to commemorate the death
anniversary of Luang Por Chah. Over four days, more than
20,000 people come to the monastery to circumambulate
Luang Por Chah’s stupa and pay their respects. I was there
one year. At that time, there were 1,200 monks, 700 nuns
and around 10,000 laypeople. The place was packed.
I asked Luang Por Liem, ‘How was the gathering?’
He said, ‘It was just about the right size.’
He is not at all disengaged from life. He is simply not bothered
by it and brilliant at what he does. He climbs scaffolding, does
cement work, and sweeps the monastery grounds. People
have mistaken him for a janitor. When visitors ask him about
the abbot, he’ll direct people to his kuti without revealing his
identity. He is a very interesting, quiet man.
Luang Por Liem used to contemplate the fragility of life
by using an actual human skeleton that was housed in Wat
Nong Pah Pong’s fairly small sala (meditation hall). He would
bring up the skeleton’s image in his consciousness during
meditations. This became the mainstay, his go-to practice.
Monks do this type of practice. They develop it as an image
that they can visualise when meditating. This is called a
nimitta (sign).
This practice allowed Luang Por Liem to deepen his
understanding of the fragility of life. It brought forth
considerations of urgency, and the aspiration to the
Unconditioned.
What does this life story do for your mind? Certainly, it
inspires awe of this being called the Buddha because you
have a real-life example of this possibility. Hopefully, when
one recites Namo tassa … (Preliminary Homage chant), one

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 167

 gets the sense of this amazing being, and we have the good
fortune of still hearing his echoes, as it were. That possibility
to me is an optimistic teaching even though we’re not as
gifted as Luang Por Liem.
How do you manifest that possibility? Luang Por Chah
would tell us, Western monks, ‘You want to get enlightened
overnight, but you’re not the Buddha. You have to build
pārami and the reserves of patience, kindness, conviviality,
focus, and composure. You have to work.’ It was always
couched in that reasonable way.
When you see people like Luang Por Liem, you realise he’s
really that. He has so many gifts that we don’t have, but what’s
he showing us? He’s displaying unremitting mindfulness
and awareness. We can do that. He’s not asking us to get all
the states of mind that he’s experiencing. We can work with
that. He can inspire us in that way.
The possibilities that these beings realise are very profound.
Yet, Luang Por Liem questions himself, ‘Why do we practise?’
His response: ‘We practise for the sake of practice.’
We can do that. It’s not esoteric at all. It’s very relevant. I find
Luang Por Liem’s account of his realisation very inspiring
and uplifting.
Hopefully, all of us can become conversant with at least one
type of meditation technique that has the capacity to settle
us into the present moment.
Once the mind is settled, you can start to emulate Luang
Por Liem and practise unremitting awareness, witnessing
change: ‘Ah, it’s like this.’

1 68 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Unremitting mindfulness
Luang Por Sumedho’s constant refrain of ‘it’s like this’ is not a
dismissive statement of life. Rather, it’s enlivening, alive with
the way things are. ‘It’s like this, it’s like this, it’s like this ….’ is
unremitting awareness. Do you see what I mean?
‘It’s like this’ is just a phrase. But it could be a practice too; your
go-to phrase. The mind would be open and attentive like it is when
you’re listening to sound. You just keep doing that unremittingly.
The power of ‘it’s like this’ is that it’s not such a huge thing that we
can’t do it. While it’s not esoteric, it’s challenging to do it constantly
because we get distracted by our thoughts and habits and our love
of distraction. Then desire comes up to do something else. Doubt
comes up: ‘This doesn’t work. It doesn’t seem like much of a
practice.’
In life, there’s nothing that you can’t really notice.
For me, Luang Por Sumedho’s model doesn’t create a sense of, ‘I
have to get something that I don’t even know about,’ which is a risky
strategy. Someone tells you about an altered state of consciousness.
You don’t even know what it is, but you start looking for it. Worse,
you don’t even know what they know. I never liked that.
I always preferred the idea of reflection. With Luang Por Sumedho’s
phrase, I can reflect. It helps me understand my own entanglement
with sense experience, how disentangling works for me, and how to
sustain that aware mind in the present moment. In that sense, this
teaching is a personal preference.
Different teachers talk about different things and offer different
techniques. Develop your own confidence around that. If I suggest
something, try it out. If it doesn’t work, it’s not my fault or yours; it
just doesn’t work for you. It’s not a matter of getting each technique
to work for you. It’s really a matter of getting one that settles you
into the present moment and then sustaining the practice.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 169

 M E , M I N E A N D T H AT

Q: What does bhava mean?

A: Bhava is the sense of becoming or being, which creates a sense
of self. Let’s say an aunt, who I’m close to, dies. I feel grief for her
passing, even though her death was timely. I feel it because I was
close to her. The arising of that grief is natural. It dependently
originated as a result of her death. Bhava or this sense of becoming
or being would be when I create self-thoughts around that loss.
So, there’s the arising of the emotion and then the addition of
thoughts like, ‘Oh, I should have been near her,’ or ‘My aunty was
a lovely person.’ All the thinking that creates a kind of a person or
personality would be considered bhava.
This morning when I woke up, I felt tired. Tiredness is a natural
condition. If I wasn’t aware of it as a natural condition and I was
heedless, then this natural condition would grow into a sense of a
person through ignorance and my own misunderstanding.
For example, the mind could start complaining and worrying,
‘Oh gosh, I should have another ten hours of sleep and four cups
of coffee, and I don’t want to get up.’ I would then be caught in
suffering. These mental proliferations could go on and on. That’s
the whole sense of a person coming into the present moment. It’s a
creation. It is one of the ways we talk about avijjā, which is different
from personal responsibility.
Personal responsibility is the social functions we have. Bhava is in
thought, first and foremost. You could call it egoistic thought, but
it is definitely in thought.

1 70 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
I think we can all see that as soon as I know tiredness as simply
tiredness, the thinking drops away. There isn’t that ‘person’
anymore. There’s awareness. There’s presence – and that personal
being, self, or ‘me’ falls away. This is what we mean by emptiness
in Theravada Buddhism. Emptiness doesn’t mean nothing is
happening, rather that this phenomenon is empty of that seeming
sense of a personality. That extra bit of thinking, personality view,
is called sakkāyadiṭṭhi. Bhava is about the coming into being of this
personhood. It can be known in awareness.
The Thais use the phrase, ‘prung daeng’. Prung means to season
and daeng means to dress up. For example, you dress up to go into
town. So, if there’s a feeling of tiredness, ignorance grasps that, and
prung daengs it. We, Westerners, created the English phrase, ‘prung
daenging,’ to refer to instances of papañca (mental proliferation),
ahaṃkāra (I-making), and mamakāra (my-making).
Bhava, ahaṃkāra, and mamakāra tendencies can be discerned in
awareness. We can see how we do that. Something happens, and
it’s natural for disappointment, frustration, or other feelings to
arise in consciousness. But then we’re accustomed, through habit,
to lapse into ahaṃkāra and mamakāra or prung daenging. There’s
this whole ignorance and lack of understanding of ‘selfing’. It’s no
longer about nature and change. It’s a me and a mine and that.
You don’t need to do that. As soon as you witness sakkāyadiṭṭhi, you
realise it’s just pain, grief, fear, etc. You can see it and choose not to
go with it. You develop the skill around this kind of understanding
through small instances of ahaṃkāra and mamakāra. For instance,
if you’re grumpy when you wake up, then you can choose to not go
to the grumpiness and simply know, ‘Oh, it’s just tiredness.’ Once
you get good at that, you will find that insight and skill useful to
deal with the more complex emotions that you experience around
your children, your own health, political issues, etc. This becomes
your go-to place to resolve stressful situations. It’s neither repressive

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 171

 nor are you getting rid of something. In time, you realise this place
of becoming, which is rooted in ignorance, has a way of being
known either in the body, in the hara, or the heart chakra.
So, my question to you is do you have some confidence in a go-to
practice that you can do all the time? That would be important to
consider on this retreat. Then, what’s its relationship to unremitting
awareness? How does that fit into your own idea of spiritual life?
You noticed in the reading that Luang Por Liem had exalted states
of mind, but he didn’t take it personally. There was no ahaṃkāra,
mamakāra, or prung daenging. His awareness is so powerful that
even fabulous states of mind don’t overwhelm him. Most of us
would love ‘fabulous’ states of mind, but he doesn’t go there. There
is no trace of egotism.
If you understand the project, it all makes sense because there’s no
entanglement with anything that’s changing. So, the possibility of
realising the Unchanging is manifest. If there’s any entanglement
with the changing, then you’re not available for the Unchanging.

1 72 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M ED I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH CONDITIONS

Settle into your posture, be it sitting, lying down, standing, or

walking. Use sound to establish presence and know what’s going
on. You’re not listening for something but allowing sound to
come to you. Then you get the sense of still knowing.

We have a tendency to control things all the time. To help with

that, create a sense of affection or kindness. Go to your heart
centre. Welcome in an image or name someone who is dear to
you and feel the opening of the heart. It’s nothing extraordinary,
but quite beautiful.

Let that sense of kindness imbue your awareness practice. As

you know, I use Luang Por Sumedho’s image. On the in-breath,
I’d quietly say, ‘Luang Por, may you be well.’ That quickly takes
me to gratitude and affection. It’s not about him. It’s about the
heart being open. The memory is merely the avenue.

This way, you establish still knowing and an open-hearted

affection. It’s a relaxed and happy state. It’s not controlled or
forced. You’re not overly focused. Then, if you want, ground
yourself in the breath. The end of the out-breath is a lovely place
to hang out. Balance still knowing and kindness right through to
the end of the out-breath.
If the mind feels settled and not too busy, and you’re at ease,
then you can open it to space. Use choiceless awareness. This is
your time to explore. Use what works for you.

When conditions arise, remember the beautiful phrase Luang

Por Sumedho has given us: ‘It’s like this.’
 DE AT H I S NAT U R A L

In 1973, I ended up in Luang Por Chah’s monastery in Northeast

Thailand after three months in the country. At that time, Northeast
Thailand was one of the country’s poorest regions. The monastery
was well supported, but there was nothing in excess. It was so isolated
that it was rare to spot a car there. The society was agrarian. Rice
farming was the mainstay. People lived off the land and ate frogs
and insects for protein. They led a simple, minimalistic life. Yet,
many great Dhamma teachers like Ajahn Mun, Luang Por Chah,
and Luang Por Maha Boowa were from Northeast Thailand. This
was completely opposite to what I found in the West, especially
in my culture and society, which was affluent; I didn’t find any
Dhamma there, although I’m sure it was somewhere.
Every lunar quarter, on wan phra (lunar observance days), lay
people, mostly women, would take the Eight Precepts and stay in
the monastery all day. Everyone in the monastery including the
lay people would meditate all night long. Some of the strongest
meditators were the village women. Their dedication was
impressive. The following day, they’d help with the offering of
food before returning to the village. The lay people were always
trying to give their very best to the monks. They really loved
the monks and the monasteries, which weren’t busy places. The
monastery was their spiritual home, and the monks were their boys.
So, we were well loved and cared for as monks and yet, we were
separate from that society.
One of the things that struck me about Northeastern Thais was
the naturalness of their reflections on death and the naturalness
of the ceremonies they had around dying. The monks would go

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 75
 to the neighbouring village, which would usually be within a few
kilometres, to do the mātikā (matrices or lists) chanting. This chant
comes from the Abhidhamma and is traditionally chanted during
funerals in Buddhist cultures. The chanting is intellectual. It’s
not emotional. It’s a spreadsheet or taxonomy of different types of
mindsets. It describes all the different forms of experiences a human
being might encounter in a lifetime. It’s chanted in a monotone. It’s
not emotive or about a soul going to heaven because, in Buddhism,
we think that whatever kamma the dead person was engaged in,
the energy of that would condition consciousness in the future. So,
it’s not up to us, monks, to somehow make that worse or better.
The teaching is: ‘All beings are born of their kamma; heir to their
kamma; and whatever kamma they shall do for good or for ill, of
that they’ll be the heirs.’
Venerable Amarasiri was telling me a story of the Buddha that S.N.
Goenkaji (a teacher of vipassana meditation) would share with his
students. A person once asked the Buddha to pray for his father’s
soul. The Buddha replied, ‘Get me a clay earthen jar and fill half
of it with stone and the rest with ghee.’ The man did as instructed.
The Buddha then asked him to take the jar to the river and break it.
The man did that.
The Buddha asked, ‘What happened?’
He said, ‘The stones fell, and the ghee rose to the surface.’
The Buddha said, ‘That’s what happened to your dad. It’s not my
business. The beautiful things he did and the wholesome kamma
rose to the surface. The heavy stones fell to the bottom.’
The Buddha was teaching that we’re responsible for what happens
to us.
Our chanting is a reflection on the naturalness that with birth there
is death, and then the realisation that there is peace. This is a natural
phenomenon. Dying is natural. Birth is natural. In Thai villages,
people hear the mātikā chant again and again because quite a few

1 76 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
people die annually, and everyone is a part of the funeral ceremony.
In such cultures, this chant has a soothing quality because it evokes
a sense that everything is being done correctly and rightly – death is
natural and with birth there is death.
The villagers would bring out the dead body to the charnel ground.
The body would be cremated, and we would repeat the chanting.
At no time would there be eulogizing. The monks wouldn’t sing
the praises of the dead person. That was the duty of relatives and
would be done at home. For the monks, it was always a reflection
on Dhamma – with birth there is death; that which begins ends
all the time; it’s like this. Everyone, young and old, would be there
and participate in a natural and respectful way. They would wear
clean, ordinary working clothes. I don’t think they had any fancy
clothes. Sometimes they would honour the monks and give them
something special like a case of Pepsi.
In Thailand, funerals and death aren’t hidden; there’s nothing
to hide really. Everyone constantly sees death, as there might be
several cremations in the monastery in any given year. To see a
body burning for the first time is a powerful experience. One of the
meditations the Buddha recommended was the contemplations on
asubha. These meditations are not a rejection of the beautiful, but
they have a sobering effect on it.

Asubha practice
Monks are also invited by doctors in Bangkok, Thailand, to watch
autopsies. I’ve never done that in the West, but in Thailand it is
a respectful act for monks to contemplate on corpses. This is a
powerful experience. In the beginning, the smells and visual forms
are repulsive. As one gets past the repulsiveness and contemplates on,
‘this is the way it is; with birth there is ageing and death,’ the mind
becomes peaceful. During one of the first autopsies I saw in Bangkok,
the doctor used a scalpel to cut the face off the body. Apparently, the
dead person was a 40-year-old monk. The doctor then used a hacksaw

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 177

 to open the skull. They took the brain out to look at it. I didn’t
have medical training, so the whole exercise was far from normal
for me. But it helped to get past the repulsiveness and understand
a body is like that.
In Western culture, we don’t get to do these kinds of contemplations.
On account of make-up, the corpse looks more beautiful than when
the person was alive. This may be a way of trying to help a family
grieve but does it really help? I don’t know. I once attended a burial
where the morticians added a bed of artificial grass to alleviate the
shock of the bare earth. These attempts to sanitise death and burials,
to me, are missed opportunities for reflection. Death is normal
and ordinary. Contemplations on death aren’t meant to make you
depressed. If they make you depressed, then don’t do them. These
contemplations are intended to ground you.
I remember that the Bangkok hospital where I saw the autopsy
was close to a marketplace. The area was busy with lots of sensory
inputs. The market had a fair share of young Thai women. Since I
had just contemplated on a corpse, the mind had a lot of coolness
because it had seen the unattractive side of the body. This was quite
interesting for me to experience as a young monk at that time.
I personally have not done a lot of asubha meditations because I
tended to be negative, cynical, and depressed. So, it was dangerous
for me to take that route. Luang Por Liem contemplated death
as an antidote to all the excitement in his own mind. He used a
skeleton. These meditations are not leading you to reject the body.
The body is quite amazing because of how well it functions. The
asubha meditations make you look at the mind that is looking
for satisfaction in that which is unsatisfactory as well as at the
conditioned tendency to overemphasise beauty. These meditations
try to cool the mind. They’re not an aesthetic rejection of life.

1 78 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 FIVE SUBJECTS
FOR FREQUEN T
RECOLLECTION

[Handa mayaṃ abhiṇha-paccavekkhaṇa-pāṭhaṃ bhaṇāmase]

[Jarā-dhammomhi] jaraṃ anatīto M E N CH A N T
[Jarā-dhammāmhi] jaraṃ anatītā WOM E N CH A N T

I am of the nature to age, I have not gone beyond ageing.

Byādhi-dhammomhi byādhiṃ anatīto M.
Byādhi-dhammāmhi byādhiṃ anatītā W.

I am of the nature to sicken, I have not gone beyond sickness.

Maraṇa-dhammomhi maraṇaṃ anatīto M.
Maraṇa-dhammāmhi maraṇaṃ anatītā W.

I am of the nature to die, I have not gone beyond dying.

Sabbehi me piyehi manāpehi nānābhāvo vinābhāvo
All that is mine, beloved and pleasing,
will become otherwise, will become separated from me.
Kammassakomhi kammadāyādo kammayoni kammabandhu
kammapaṭisaraṇo m.
Yaṃ kammaṃ karissāmi, kalyāṇaṃ vā pāpakaṃ vā,
tassadāyādo bhavissāmi
Kammassakāmhi kammadāyādā kammayoni kammabandhu
kammapaṭisaraṇā w.
Yaṃ kammaṃ karissāmi, kalyāṇaṃ vā pāpakaṃ vā,
tassadāyādā bhavissāmi

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 79
 I am the owner of my kamma, heir to my kamma, born of
my kamma,
related to my kamma, abide supported by my kamma.
Whatever kamma I shall do, for good or for ill, of that I
will be the heir.
Evaṃ amhehi abhiṇhaṃ paccavekkhitabbaṃ
Thus we should frequently recollect.

180 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 E M PAT H E T I C D I S T R E S S

Q: How to cope with and prevent empathetic distress when the

lives of so many people in the world are in turmoil and nature is
under stress.
A: I know two doctors who worked in the emergency department
for at least 20 years. They really thrived in those situations. You need
a certain kind of skill and gift to be on the frontlines. A nurse who
worked in the COVID-19 treatment wards once told me his stress
partially came from wearing the personal protective equipment
(PPE). He used to work eight- or nine-hour shifts. He was sweating
all the time under the PPE, and it was hard to breathe. He said it
was absolutely exhausting. His stress was situational and related to
work. Hopefully, there are professionals who can help people deal
with those situations.
The distress people feel in witnessing suffering is slightly different.
You’re not on the frontlines or in a physically stressful situation
but you’re feeling empathetic distress because you’re experiencing
the suffering of others. Now, why is that a problem? Let’s say a
close family member starts to engage in self-destructive activities.
They’re not interested in your views or in listening to you. You have
empathy for them, obviously, but it’s very hard to be at peace with
that situation because you don’t want them to suffer. The stress,
I think, is from wanting, not because of empathy. I don’t think
empathy is stressful. It’s the wanting of people not to suffer that
seems to be the stressful part. I experienced that with my mom. The
empathy was always beautiful, but not wanting her to have pain
was stressful and reactive. I did as much as I could, but she had to

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 181

 bear her own suffering. The Buddha said you pick up your own
kamma and work with it. You can’t work through someone else’s
kamma. Empathy doesn’t imply, ‘I must fix this,’ or ‘I don’t want
this to happen, and I wish the world wasn’t like this.’ That attitude
is stressful because it’s coming from wanting. It also doesn’t mean
that you don’t act when you can. Empathy is an active force in our
hearts and will act when it can.
Stress arises in situations where you’re unable to fulfil your
empathetic inclinations. Media overload can cause this. If you’re
watching terrible news about refugees crossing the Mediterranean
Sea, racial discrimination in Sudan, or the violence against women
all day long, then you not only feel ‘oh, these poor people,’ but also,
‘it shouldn’t be this way.’ You’re going to get more distressed, but
unable to do anything.
It’s not that we can’t engage with social issues. If the local school
board is doing something that’s going to affect your children, then
certainly, you can or will talk to the teachers.
There’s a kind of voyeurism in our society. We witness the stress of
others, get appalled and shocked, and then witness it again. How is
that helpful? So, step back and judge how useful is worry over issues
that you have no control over.

At peace
There’s this natural desire to not have your loved ones suffer. Notice
how this desire causes suffering.
The Buddha spoke of upekkhā, peaceful coexistence with the way
things are. It is one of the brahmavihāras. Just to remind you,
there are four brahmavihāras. Mettā is a sense of goodwill to all
beings. Karunā has a sense of compassion to all beings. Karunā
is that which activates action and sees the suffering of others.
Burnout is called the far enemy of compassion and the near enemy

182 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
is indifference, bordering upon cruelty. Muditā is the appreciation
of beauty and joy. Upekkhā, as mentioned earlier, is the peaceful
coexistence with the way things are. It is sometimes translated as
equanimity. Upekkhā is always at peace because the heart is open.
So, if the heart is open but stressed, then one has to contemplate,
‘What does it mean to be at peace with the way things are?’ I
learned this the hard way. As a young monk at Chithurst Buddhist
Monastery in the UK, I used to get stressed out because I thought
I had to fix the problems people came to talk to me about. The
empathy was there, but I was doing the wrong thing. Their problems
weren’t mine. This didn’t mean I didn’t do everything I could. But
I used to take it back to my kuti and distress myself. It seemed like a
good idea, but it wasn’t – because it was not constructive.
Luang Por Sumedho helped me. I began to see that I can be fully
empathetic, do the best I can and not worry. It’s not indifference.
It’s knowing the ‘world is this way’. There is injustice and cruelty,
and there are refugees – and I’m doing the best I can.
It’s challenging to be at peace when loved ones are suffering. For
instance, a grandmother thinks the way her child is raising their
child may lead to bad results. That’s very stressful because you
don’t want the innocent little one to get hurt, but the grandmother
has no power, no possibility to change the situation, which is very
painful. You have to go to the pain and understand life is like this.
Quite often, the movement towards peaceful coexistence with the
way things are is the ability to feel heart-crushing pain.
My mother was in a lot of pain despite taking painkillers. She
tried to be cheerful so I wouldn’t suffer. I’d try not to worry so she
wouldn’t worry – two loving people trying to deal with a human
situation. I contemplated this situation.
I reflected, ‘What is the problem here? You’re doing everything you
can and your mom’s not complaining. She’s a brave woman. What’s

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 183

 the problem? Well, I don’t want her to suffer, obviously. Yes, but
she has to suffer. This is her body. This is her kamma that she has
to go through. Again, she isn’t complaining, and everything was
being done.’ That was a good insight into what equanimity means
when the heart is open. I was a better caregiver after that. My mom
realised she need not hold back her concern about pain for fear of
upsetting me. Things improved, and she was less tired.
That was an easy situation when compared to some of the
experiences people share with me, such as children addicted to
drugs. Those are tough. What can you do? You can’t force or will
change. I think you first have to look at the wanting of it to be
different than it is.
Ask yourself, ‘What do I want that I don’t have and what do I have
that I don’t want?’ Return to the Four Noble Truths – the cause of
suffering is attachment to desire.
Obviously, you want your loved ones to be free from suffering. But
their suffering is not the cause of your suffering. It’s the existential
holding of a hope that is hopeless. If you can go right to the pain
of wanting, then it is possible to come to a peaceful coexistence
with the way things are. The process may be painful, and you may
cry. But by opening and embracing that reality, you can come to a
peaceful coexistence with the way things are.

Protecting the mind

Be careful with large-scale issues affecting the world where you have
no control. Monks are asked to seriously consider indriya saṃvara,
the restraint of the senses. Take in only as much as you need of
political arguments, socio-cultural issues, and environmental
problems. Do what you can and guard the mind from too much
stimulation of horrible things. This isn’t Pollyannaish. It’s not
about always having an attitude of, ‘Oh, how lovely the world is.’

184 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
It’s important to protect the mind. None of us are cold or
indifferent. People who do retreats are compassionate and caring.
But sometimes, there can be an over caring of issues and people,
which can lead to suffering.
Also, if you have access to beauty, participate in it. It has an
important effect on our minds. It is vital to appreciate beauty and
not just engage in horror. But also contemplate on how you can
get attached to beauty. For instance, I could get attached to this
beautiful monastery. When I have to go into the city, I can create
in my mind perceptions of, ‘Oh, it’s so polluted and terrible.’ But
that’s something I’m creating. Rather, I could use beauty of the
blue sky, the green grass, or sounds of birds to uplift my mind and
come to a sense of joy; joy is an aspect of the open heart and is also
empathetic. So, you can see that, within the whole of experience or
picture, life is like this.
The Buddha’s take on suffering is interesting. As the story goes, he
went into a village where he saw sickness and death for the first time.
The suffering didn’t impel him towards compassionate distress,
rather a spiritual search. He wondered if there was a dimension that
wasn’t subject to old age, sickness, and death.
In that allegorical tale, the Buddha encounters four heavenly
messengers – an old person, a sick person, a corpse, and a sadhu. He
asks his charioteer Channa about the sadhu. Channa says the sadhu
is seeking the Deathless and the Unconditioned. That became the
Buddha’s search and gift of Dhamma – a contemplative’s way to go
beyond old age, sickness, and death – the way to the Deathless for
all sentient beings.
You can see the effect one being like the Buddha has had on many
cultures over 2600 years. It’s visible in monasteries around the
world and through beings like His Holiness the Dalai Lama. This
aspiration for the Deathless is not weak or ineffective. It takes a lot
of strength.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 85
 QUESTIONS
AND
ANSWERS

Q: Please explain anattā.

A: Here’s a trick question: ‘The Buddha taught there is no self,
true or false?’ The answer is: ‘false.’
The Buddha’s original insight and teaching says anything that
begins and ends, and is contingent, is dependently originated.
There’s no essence, no personality, or no soul in it. He didn’t teach
that there is a self. He taught there’s suffering, there’s a cause for
suffering, there’s an end to suffering, and a path to end suffering.
The teaching of anattā is to challenge the view, ‘I am this body.
I own this body and these emotions. This is my family and I have
control over it.’ All the self-identities that we have are a losing game.
That perception is not going to set you free.
So, what do you mean when you say, ‘I am this body?’
The teaching of anattā encourages us to question, ‘Are we this
body?’ This way, you start to inquire, ‘What is the body?’
When you practise ‘bodily sensations in awareness,’ you will find
they’re constantly changing. Sensations come into awareness, but
will you find an entity there, such as ‘a solid body’? And is there a
‘me’ experiencing ‘the body’? You may call it awareness, but is that
a thing? No, it’s just awareness. If you investigate your assumptions
of self, then you’ll see that they keep falling away.

186 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Anattā is not a philosophical position or a teaching to blindly
believe. The teaching is meant to lead you, rather than position you.
The idea is for you to look at habitual assumptions like ‘I am a good
or bad person, an old man, etc.’ Let’s say you’re meditating, and
you find yourself thinking. You quickly go into self-disparagement:
‘I’m thinking too much.’ At that point, stop and contemplate,
‘Who is it that’s thinking? There’s a thought and there’s
consciousness. But where is this person who is thinking too much?
Let’s have a look.’ When you check, you’ll only find awareness of
change, not a person.
You can apply that question of ‘who is’ to experiences and
perceptions of pain, emotions, etc. For example, ‘Who is thinking?
Who is feeling this pain? Who is feeling this fear?’
These questions raise awareness of whatever is. They have no
answer because there is none. Use them to help you see the
assumption of self is simply a construct. The thinking mind then
starts to fall away.
Awareness has the capacity to know change, which becomes an
intuition of peace.
You start to follow that intuition rather than the thinking processes
that we tend to believe in too much. This is spiritual work, not
conventional life work. We follow the intuitions of silence, and the
sense of identity as mind-body starts to drop off through a kind of
natural process.
These days due to the COVID-19 pandemic, you may get annoyed
if you encounter people without masks. You’ll probably grumble.
At that moment, a sense of self and other gets created through
aversion. It’ll seem very real. If you look at that with mindfulness,
then you can realise there is annoyance and there’s consciousness
of annoyance. Now, who’s angry here? This is the type of lynchpin
investigative work we can do around the teaching of anattā. It’s
a provocative teaching because you can’t really identify with this

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 1 87
 mind and body, or your own personal history. At a conventional
level, there is a ‘me,’ but the Buddha’s teachings on anattā point to
a deeper reality.

Q: Will sustained meditation help manage feelings of guilt? I’m

constantly nagged by the ever-wandering mind that perhaps more
could have been done to lessen a sick person’s suffering. This feeling
becomes stronger during meditation.
A: It’s understandable you want to do your best. But you can’t
alleviate all the suffering and you’ll make medical mistakes too. I
had that with my mom. Her feet were a mess in the last four days
of her life. We used to bind her feet because lymph wasn’t flowing
around properly, but I bound it up wrong. This caused her a lot of
suffering. I only realised my mistake after 24 hours. It was a shock
to me. Now that memory ended up becoming very strong. Even
though I’d cared for her to the best of my abilities for nine years, that
mistake was the strongest memory of those years. It was a horrible
one, too. When I talked about this to some people, they’d say, ‘Oh
bhante, but you were so good, and you helped her.’ That wasn’t the
point, though. I felt horrible. Then I spoke to Ajahn Sucitto. He
said, ‘Ah, that must have been difficult.’ That was helpful. Unless
we acknowledge a person’s suffering, we are not with them. We can
try to buoy them up by assuring they’ll be okay in time. But, in
difficult situations, it’s good to recognise the suffering.
The horrible memory kept coming up. I refused to believe in it and
continued reflecting, ‘Now, this is a memory. Memory feels this
way.’ I would just bear with it. It would come up every ten minutes
or so. Slowly, I refused to take a ‘self-like’ position around it.
The feeling of not having done enough is common because you
always think you could do more. So, feel the memory and the pain
of loss, and just not allow that to run into ‘I-making, my-making’.
That kind of thinking requires discipline. It’s not just a discipline

188 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
of repression; it’s a discipline of staying with the actual feeling.
Feelings of guilt or constant nagging are different modes of dosa
(aversion). If you have a facility for witnessing your emotions
through the heart, then you can take it to the heart before thoughts
arise. Get really good at pre-thinking. When the nagging arises, you
just turn to your go-to place, the heart, and feel the horribleness of
that. That’s when aversion comes out. One doesn’t want to feel the
horribleness of the nagging, so they go off into self-hatred, which,
for some reason, seems to be more comfortable. I used to go into
self-hatred, which felt good. Again, that’s what I found with this
experience I had with my mom. I went back and forth in an effort
to stay with the body:
Stay, just stay ...
How could you, Viradhammo?
No, no, come back, come back, and just stay with the body.
Slowly it worked its way out and the memories became much more
realistic about the good times I had with mom, about how lucky I
was to take care of her and all the goodness that was around her.
I’d also ask you to reflect, ‘Is meditation about not having unpleasant
experiences? Is it a pacifier? Is it a tool of distraction?’
I don’t see meditation as pacifying or managing feelings of guilt.
I would see it as the liberation of feelings of guilt by making them
fully conscious. I didn’t manage the fears that I experienced. They
came through me because they had a life of their own. I witnessed,
endured, felt, welcomed and, in the end, understood them, which
wasn’t a management program. It was more like cleansing them.
Make nagging conscious and see where you can sense it in the body.
Suppressing thoughts and feelings, which is an act of aversion,
won’t work.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 189

 The feelings become stronger during meditation because you’re not
distracted at that time. This is the difficulty of meditation. There
aren’t any escape routes. If it comes up, then that’s your chance to
see it fully and develop the courage to realise that this will change.
This is nature, and it feels this way.
Meditations where you can understand witnessing change as
opposed to sorting out, solving, or analysing, will serve you well
during times of upheaval. It is difficult to stay with unpleasant
feelings, but it’s important. Luang Por Sumedho used to call this
kind of meditation an emotional enema. We tend to think that
meditation is blissful and peaceful. No, sometimes it’s purification.
We’ve heard of Luang Por Chah’s challenges with lust. He’d go
days with incredible lust coming through his awareness, which
wasn’t fun. But he just endured and watched. So, be encouraged
that there’s nothing wrong with this. It’s a skill to understand
how to make it conscious and know it is part of your kamma and
life. It’ll be helpful if you can find people who can encourage
you in that way.

19 0 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
DAY SI X
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S W ITH MEMOR IE S

When I was at Chithurst Buddhist Monastery, Luang Por Sumedho

used to start his retreats by saying in his deep, booming voice,
‘The past is a memory. The future’s unknown. Now is the knowing.’

This statement was always an encouragement to come back to

the basic principle of present-moment awareness. Making that
intention itself is huge. Regardless of the technique you’re using
or what’s going on emotionally, physically, or environmentally,
now is the knowing.

Luang Por’s instruction is simple, yet we always need to remind

ourselves of that.

How is it now?

Well, it’s like this.

Know it as feeling, sound, conscious presence. Of course,

sustaining that knowing of the way things are moment by
moment is the challenge.

There’s nothing to achieve. It’s more like remembering: ‘Life is

like this now.’
T H E B U D D H A’ S W O R D S
ON L OV I NG -K I N DN E S S

[Now let us chant the Buddha’s words on loving-kindness.]

[This is what should be done]

By one who is skilled in goodness
And who knows the path of peace:
Let them be able and upright,

Straightforward and gentle in speech,

Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied,
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skilful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.

Let them not do the slightest thing

That the wise would later reprove,
Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be at ease.

Whatever living beings there may be,

Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short, or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to be born,
May all beings be at ease.
Let none deceive another

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 19 3
 Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.

Even as a mother protects with her life

Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings,
Radiating kindness over the entire world:

Spreading upwards to the skies

And downwards to the depths,
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.

Whether standing or walking, seated,

Or lying down – free from drowsiness –
One should sustain this recollection.
This is said to be the sublime abiding.

By not holding to fixed views,

The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense-desires,
Is not born again into this world.

19 4 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 G A T E WA Y T O T H E
UNCONDITIONED

In The Buddha’s Words on Loving-Kindness, the Buddha suggests

that the person who is skilled in goodness is ‘humble and not
conceited.’ The last stanza of that chant is:
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense-desires,
is not born again into this world.
This may sound nihilistic, but the world in this sense is the world of
your perceptions and conceptions. For instance, it was reported that
last month was the hottest in recorded history. Yes, the conventional
world is very hot, but the way we perceive or conceive that is different
for all of us. Everyone’s world is different. It’s the same temperature,
but the inner world of conceiving and perceiving is unique to
an individual. That’s how the Buddha would talk about the world.
It’s always helpful to remember that in Buddhism there’s a teaching
about conventional reality as well as a teaching about looking at
reality as a flow of events arising and ceasing in awareness, the
‘knowing’. Both teachings are important. The conventional truth
is that there is a sense of me, as a person or individual, living with
my responsibilities, different kammas, national identities, literary
preferences, tastes, aesthetics, family history, etc. That’s at the
level of individuals and it’s certainly real. This is the world in a
conventional sense. One has to live skilfully in the conventional
world. It’s the realm of morality, social responsibility, and political
action.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 19 5
 The other way of looking at the world is inwardly, in seeing the
arising and ceasing of perceptions and conceptions according to
conditions. This is the only time we use the word, ‘anattā’. We don’t
use anattā in the conventional, ‘worldly’ way because it wouldn’t
make any sense – try telling the airport officer who’s checking
your identity you’re not the person in the passport photo! You’ll
probably be detained. It can get totally silly. The teaching on anattā
can be confusing if you don’t understand this distinction.

Inner, outer worlds

This ‘inward’ way of looking at the world is important because
that’s where phrases like ‘humble and not conceited’ begin to gain
significance.
The word ‘conceit’ has a broad scope in Buddhism. It’s not just
the conceit of narcissism or arrogance, but also the conceit of self-
identity. To believe, ‘I am better than you;’ ‘I am worse than you;’
or ‘We are equal;’ is a conceit. ‘I am’ is a conceit.
On a conventional level, there are differences of skills and talent.
Someone may be better than me at, say, making spreadsheets.
What’s the big deal in that? If I identify or take an identity with
my successes or failures (e.g. ‘I am …’) and then get attached to
them, that would be a conceited view of self. This conceited view is
problematic and will cause suffering.
You can see that when you hold on to fixed views – such as ‘I am one
way and you’re that way’ – you could end up judging someone. Your
judgement might be quite accurate in terms of worldly dhammas
but to hold it as a viewpoint and indulge in aversion or arrogance is
obviously suffering.
‘I am old’ is a conceit if I hold on to it. Now, how would I hold on
to it? Well, I could hold on to it by creating thoughts of self-pity
or holding on to fears of old age or some preferred body image as

19 6 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
I age. These are forms of attachment to a self-identity. Whereas, if
there is the humility of simply witnessing the ageing of the body as
a function in nature, then there is freedom.
You’re always working at two levels – conventional and transcendent.
The body needs to be taken care of, clothed, and fed, but not
through vanity or conceit.
Conceit is always the sense of identity with this body, with my
emotions, etc. Humility is the letting go of these endless self-
identities and living in a responsible way. It’s very hard to do that.
When you come to the sense of witnessing or knowing change,
then you see that your real home is not this body.
The idea that you’ll never get sick or old is dumb and silly. When
people who don’t have a reference of awareness fall sick or age, they
get trapped in all the self-identities – negative or otherwise – that
come up, which is tragic. Practising with sickness is an important
part of liberation. As this body ages and gets sick, you just witness,
‘sickness is this way.’ Then you have refuge, rather than identity.
Yet, on a conventional level, we have to go to the doctor. It’s so
important to operate at both levels.
Another way to reflect on the phrase, ‘humble and not conceited,’ is
to investigate: Why should the world fulfil my desires? Why should
the world operate the way I want it to? Why should the world be
just? Well, you may think it should be just because that’s right. But
why should the world be this or that? As you know, it’s not; it’s
simply this way.
The conceit of desire (e.g. my desires are really what’s right in
this world and that the world is wrong) is just a dumb way to
approach life.
Of course, on a conventional level, there are expectations. At
the monastery, I have social expectations of other community
members, and they have similar expectations of me. Those are
the social contracts we have. If someone goes against the contract,

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 197

 they’re reprimanded, ‘No, you can’t do that.’ That’s at the societal
level. At the inner level, if I want everyone to be harmonious all
the time and agree with me, then that’s conceit, and I will suffer by
holding onto that view.
I do my very best to bring harmony and be amiable. I fail sometimes
but am successful at other times. The most important thing is that
I don’t hold a fixed view of how it should be. There’s this kind of
humility of adaptation and yet, a responsibility for the conventions
I live by. Both conventional truth and transcendent truth are
important. If you just take the ‘flow of consciousness’ approach –
it’s just this way and it’s anattā – then you could excuse all kinds
of behaviour: there wasn’t a killing because no one was there! It
could get stupid that way. On the other hand, if you have an agreed
convention that honours morality, ethics, and social responsibility,
then although the world will never be perfect (no matter how
hard you try), you have done as much good as possible. The
transcendent teachings bring you to inner peace. The teachings on
conventional responsibilities bring peace to the world. You need
both to operate together.

The real home

Returning to The Buddha’s Words on Loving-Kindness, I would
interpret ‘born’ in the sentence:
By not holding to fixed views, the pure hearted one, having
clarity of vision, is not born again into this world
as this sense of egotistical birth through thoughts, emotions, and
experiences. It’s actually freeing not to create or embellish a fixed
sense of self.
The other way of thinking about that sentence is rebirth. Thoughts
like, ‘this world sucks and I’m out of here; I’ve had enough,’ can
make the phrase sound nihilistic. That’s not a happy state of mind.
That thought is another kind of conceit: I am someone who was

19 8 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
born and doesn’t want to go through birth again. The thought may
be valid, but you don’t even want to have the conceit that ‘I was
born’. Now, that’s pretty radical. The body was born. The body
will die. But is that my real home or my real identity? Who am I?
What am I?
Consider the idea of enlightenment. It is about the Unborn, not
the eternal. It’s not about a person living for eternity. That sounds
boring, to say the least. Enlightenment, at least in the Buddhist
context, is not about the personality or body. It’s about: What is
awareness? Why is it always there? What’s that about?
This way, the reflective mind turns away from the changing
experience, not out of rejection, but with curiosity.
The mind goes into the world of experience due to desire, which
is natural. There is nothing wrong with wanting experiences.
But there comes a time when one gets tired of going out into the
objective world. You begin to turn inward, contemplating: What is
awareness? What is consciousness?
These questions cannot be explored through thought because
thought is still an object. It is contingent, conditioned, and it is
born and dies. One begins to understand silence is necessary for
that exploration. There’s also the need for intellectual humility
to realise you cannot contemplate silence through thought. You
begin to let go of thinking, but not by repressing it. We do that a
lot. Rather, you get so tired of the thinking mind that you realise
thought cannot be the way. While thinking is useful for solving
problems, it’s not meant for contemplating the Unconditioned.
Thought needs to be known as an object rather than being the
driving force of the subject. That’s the problem we face. Luang Por
Sumedho’s teaching of noticing the cessation of thought is helpful
in these instances.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 19 9
 The ending of thought
Cessation, such as the end of an emotional turmoil, the end of a
day, the end of a retreat, or the end of self-thought, is an important
contemplative theme in Buddhism. These ‘ends’ are the gaps in
which rebirth, or the birth of the self, takes place. It is skilful to
have enough acuity and attentiveness to first, notice the ceasing of
a thought, and not pick up another object, or go out into objective
experiences of mind-body – and secondly to abide as a witness. As
meditators, we’re habituated to notice thinking and trying to force
attention on the meditation object in order to stop thinking. There’s
this sense of me trying to do something to become something.
We’ve never really awoken to the feeling of no thought.
Create the intention to notice the end of thought and play with
that. You can experiment. For example, think intentionally, ‘I – am
– fabulous;’ ‘I – am – an – old – man’, etc. And pause between
each word. In that pause, you’ll only find consciousness of sense
experience. ‘I am fabulous’ is only a thought, but it can seem very
real when it’s driven by emotions.
Luang Por Sumedho had an interesting exchange with a woman
when we were living in Hampstead, UK.
She told Luang Por, ‘I’m a horrible person.’
‘What have you done?’ asked Luang Por.
‘Well, my daughter just had a child. When I saw the baby, I wanted
to poke the child’s eyes out. I ran away,’ she said.
‘Did you do it?’ asked Luang Por.
She said, ‘No.’
‘So, what’s the problem?’ asked Luang Por.
The problem was that she had taken the fixed view she was an eye-
poking granny, and hence horrible.

200 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Luang Por told her, ‘Well, you didn’t do it. It’s just a weird thought.’
All of a sudden, she could see that.
Without going into a lot of analysis, there was actually nothing
evil about her thought. It was neither good nor bad. It was weird,
but there was no reason for her to feel guilty. It just came up; she
obviously didn’t wake up in the morning and determine, ‘Let’s
think that.’
The arising of something that seems evil is not your fault. You’re
not wrong for that. The key is not to act upon it; don’t go there.
Who knows where these thoughts come from.
Our goal must be to develop a willingness to notice that all kinds
of bizarre things can come up in our experience of memory and to
keep sīla. Her reaction was natural, but it wasn’t her fault.
Compassion or acceptance allows for the most bizarre, cruel
thoughts to come up, but it’s not you. It’s not who you are.
If a feeling or memory comes up, make it conscious. Maybe
exaggerate it a bit and see what it feels like. You’ll notice there is no
essence to that feeling or memory. It’s an emotional feeling driving
thought. That realisation brings you to the end of thought and the
end of that kind of ‘selfing’. This way, you’re using the obsessions of
thought to make yourself more mindful. For instance, your mind
is caught up with some kind of guilt. Notice the guilt, and say to
yourself, ‘I am terrible.’ Then stop, and notice, ‘Ah, it’s like this
now.’ This way, you use the obsessive thought to propel yourself
back into the present moment. Over time, you’ll become better at
noticing the end of thought.
As you notice the end of thought, you notice that personality
view is a thought. It eventually ceases, leaving only knowing. The
reference becomes more and more on the knowing – consciousness,
awareness, or whatever you want to call it. You know that’s always
present. That is the gateway to the Unconditioned.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 01
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S W ITH R E S TLE S SNE S S

When you start to feel restless and look at the clock wondering
when the sitting will end, a sense of self is born. You feel
uncomfortable. There’s the desire to get out of the discomfort,
and there’s the idea of time: ‘I have to sit for another 20 minutes.
Should I continue or not?’

The sense of self arises as thought and you can notice it as an

object.

You can ask yourself, ‘How much longer do I want to sit,’ and then
stop. This way, you’re making conscious the restlessness.

Going back to the idea that the flow of consciousness is in

awareness, listen to sound. Notice it changing, and just taste the
flavour of knowing stillness.

You are not trying to get something here. Rather, you’re

noticing. Feel your hands. Notice that the feelings in the hands
are in awareness.

Awareness and knowing are constant and the objects,

sights, sounds, memories, and thoughts are changing.
Desire wants to go out and change the objects or
gets caught up with the objects, usually through
thinking and remembering.
Witness objects as changing and begin to reflect on the
unchanging awareness. As Luang Por Sumedho would say, ‘Be
the knowing.’

Once you understand that principle you can choose an object of

meditation to sustain knowing the way things are.
 D H A M M AV I C A Y A
VS. CON VENTIONAL
THINKING

Conventional thinking could be mulling over one of the teachings

by the Buddha, wondering what it means. You’re in a speculative,
intellectual mode.
Dhammavicaya (investigation of mental states) is one of the
seven factors of Enlightenment. It is the inquisitive part of our
contemplative life where we can inquire about some aspect of
Dhamma, but always in relationship to our own experience. That’s
important. You don’t regard the Dhamma as a thought structure
that you think you understand or is unconnected to real life and
real time. If I say something abstract that you can’t see in your own
life, then it’s not a truth that edifies you. You may or may not believe
it or find it interesting – but it doesn’t really edify until it clicks with
your experience.

How to use dhammavicaya

Stimulated by a suggestion from a teacher or teachings, you observe
and explore the word or phrase. If the teacher is talking about
resistance, you can explore, ‘What do they mean by resistance?’
You could simply say the word or phrase that’s caught your
attention and quietly notice how it resonates with you. It’s a quiet
observation. You’re not just thinking about it. It’s a way of focusing
quiet attention on some aspects of your dhammic experience.
The classic contemplation would be, ‘Why do I suffer?’ You could

204 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
analyse it: ‘I suffer because of x, y, and z.’ But that wouldn’t be the
same as experiencing ‘what is suffering’ in real time and real life.
The question itself makes you conscious of the problem at hand.
Then you start to just watch – and maybe you get some insight.
That insight comes from silent attention.
I would encourage all of us to think less because we easily go into
doubting and thinking, doubting and thinking, doubting and
thinking. This cycle is common where you’ll ask yourself a question
and then answer intellectually. You won’t see that the problem is
you keep asking yourself questions. You create a question, which
isn’t necessarily about your existential experience. It could just be,
‘I wonder what that means? I wonder how rebirth really works?’
Then you’ll think about it. You’ll create a doubt, and you’ll think
– because we’ve all been encouraged to believe answers are the
solution. The mind can easily go from doubt to answer, but it’s
just caught in a loop of thinking. That’s not dhammavicaya. It’s
thinking, plain and simple, so be careful of that.
Often, people ask intelligent questions, but they are always driven
by a habit of doubt. They’re not able to see that doubt is a type
of mindset. Once you know it as a mindset, you’re fine. You don’t
have to go to thought. That’s an important realisation because you
tend to not be able to get out of the thinking realm or you give
too much credit to thinking. This is not a dismissal of thinking.
In the ordinary world, if something is not working, you try to
find a solution. You need to think to do that. But spiritually,
beginning to incline towards the silence of the mind is the most
skilful thing to do.

Knowing stillness
Language can help you tune into that stillness. If I describe breath
meditation as mindfulness of the breath, I tend to emphasise
the breath. Whereas with, ‘still knowing with breathing,’ I’m

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 05
 emphasising the still knowing. It’s a different way of ‘tuning in’ for
me. Maybe this way of using words doesn’t make a difference for
you, but it does for me. That’s how I like to train myself.
If I can cultivate still knowing all the way to the end of the
out-breath, then I could try to use that in more complex situations
like annoyance.
You’re usually going to thought when annoyed: ‘Why don’t they
stop doing that?’ or ‘I shouldn’t be like this.’
Instead of thinking, how about still knowing? You’ve tried it
with the breath, so why not use it with an emotion? Annoyance
is not still. It’s vibratory. It creates pressure and tension in the
body. But the knowing, what’s that? Where’s the knowing within
a negative experience?
You could do this kind of practice with death (still knowing with
the body falling apart), sickness, or beauty. Beauty’s very good to
use. The stillness is obvious when you’re looking at nature like the
vast night sky or a lake. The sky and the lake are pointing to the
stillness rather than us needing nature to experience stillness.
Where could that still knowing come in the contracted, more ‘in-
your-face’ parts of our lives? Obviously, that’s more difficult. Still
knowing would be an interesting exercise to practise at the dinner
table, or while waiting for a bus or shopping. Now, this doesn’t
mean you’re becoming catatonic. You’re continuing to function,
but now you’re working from a place of awareness. The emphasis
is always on the knowing. If you get conversant with that and do
it a lot, then that practice is 24/7. It’s not restricted to the object of
meditation. The object hopefully facilitates that.
The language of ‘awareness with’ rather than ‘of’ has been useful
for me.
When negativity comes up, we’re trying to think it through. We
get glued into the negativity and don’t let it go. We think we must

206 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
fix, understand, or analyse it. While that can be tremendously
important if there are issues of repression, sometimes we can get
attached to that kind of mood out of good intentions. A more skilful
option would be to determine, ‘I’m going to practise knowing, say,
horribleness.’ That takes a lot of space. It may seem like you can’t do
it, but you actually can, if you play around.
Most of us understand our neuroses, so there’s no real need to
analyse them. Our culture sometimes over psychologises things.
While Western psychology is fantastic, it has created a need in most
of us to always figure stuff out or analyse it. This means, we’re
constantly engaged with objectives and objects, and not the ‘object-
less.’ Some people think that letting go is a form of repression – you
have to express it by ‘punching the pillow’ or something like that.
You don’t have to do that. You don’t have to follow the thoughts. It
depends on what you trust. I trust in awareness working things out.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 07
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH BR E ATH

How does the end of the out-breath feel?

Practise receptive awareness by using sound: ‘Sound is like this.’

There’s the still knowing.

Notice you’re not searching for something, but you know it is.

Feel the breathing of the body.

Feel the end of the out-breath and notice the still knowing.

Establish the stillness of knowing and ride it all the way to the
end of the out-breath.
 QUESTIONS
AND
ANSWERS

Note: Ajahn gives a combined response to the below two questions.

Q: A few days ago, you used the image of writing words on paper,
saying the paper is like awareness, always there and available,
though the words may change and move around. I found the image
very useful to switch from chatter in the mind to white, clear
spaciousness. Would you say the words etc. were in nature the same
way as feeling tired or hungry? I can see it’s natural for words and
thoughts to arise, but is there a difference between this and natural
physical states? Many distinguish between nature and culture.
Anthropologists talk about it a lot, but in this, it seems culture is
just a part of nature. I will think about this for some time, but for
now I am enjoying the white paper. Thanks.

Q: How does one deal with stupidity in the world with moral
skilfulness? A quote that speaks to my heart is, ‘All it takes for
evil or harm to continue is for good people to do nothing.’ How
do we do something in a skilful way that does not hook our
mind into saṁsāra?
A: In nature, anything that arises is natural, but it’s conditioned
in different ways. The biases and prejudices we might experience
as human beings are natural. Their causes and conditions can be
familial, cultural, etc. They arise because of natural causes.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 09
 It’s quite interesting what anthropologists say about the mind. I’m
reading essays by Toni Morrison to get an idea of the cultural biases
that come through literature. She’s a good literary critic. She shows
how Black people are misrepresented, and that’s really edifying for
me on a social level. But that to me is more the work of compassion
at a societal level. The work of liberation is spiritual to me. It has to
do with quietness and the silence of the mind.
The paper analogy is important for me. I’m always trying to be
socially informed, but not get burnt out by the information. I want
to protect my mind because death is close. Information can be
toxic. You just pick up enough information to be informed, and
not be over-stimulated by it.
As you get older, your inclination is to less excitement, less
information, less filling of the mind, and more space and silence.
Who wants to party at 73? Can you imagine going to a pub at
that age? For me, that would be torture. There’s a kind of natural
inclination to spiritual life as we age. We are very fortunate
because we are Dhamma practitioners, and we have a path, tools,
kalyāṇamittas, literature, meditation, and study groups. It’s really
good kamma to be able to have that. Use this opportunity of ageing,
if you are materially secure, to develop your spiritual practice as well
as to be available to society in ways that are wise. It’s okay if no one
is listening to you because your refuge now is in the heart.
It’s also very important to know how the mind works and the biases
that are closing our hearts. We need to be quite careful with that,
especially if the culture is promoting hatred. You can approach
those frameworks of perception and bias by simply going to the
open heart. Just get to know that these biased perceptions, such as
guilt or hatred towards oneself or others, are closing the heart.
If you really work with negative emotions like fear and liberate
them, then goodness can manifest in ways that are not blocked by
biases and prejudices.

210 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
In Buddhism, the world is made up of six senses (eyes, ears, nose,
tongue, body, and mind). All those structures of perception need
to be known.
I had an interesting encounter in Ottawa, Canada, once. We were
shopping for sewing machine needles. There was a hijab-clad
woman at the store. We started chatting, and she was hilarious. She
was a very funny woman. I found that surprising. I realised I had a
biased view that people with hijabs must be serious. I didn’t know
about this bias until it came into consciousness. Since my heart was
open, I enjoyed talking to this person.
I think if the heart is open, you’ll be able to notice the hidden biases
and be with them because your focus is the person and not the
perceptions. I had that insight when I was a layman. In my early 20s,
I was visiting Morocco. I had these strange ideas about Third World
countries. In Morocco, I saw good people, happy people, depressed
people, as well as bad people, but they were all just people. That was
an important insight.
In 1977, when I visited Toronto, I noticed a lot of hatred towards
the Hare Krishna Group because of their wrong deeds. I got tarred
with the same brush. During my walks, people would yell things
like ‘get a job’. A man spat on me. It was quite ugly. People assumed
I must be crazy because they projected their perceptions about the
Hare Krishna group onto me. People would look at me like I was
an insect. I felt like a pariah in my hometown. The late Venerable
Anando and I would go on alms rounds every day. We didn’t get
food, and after a while we were afraid because we knew we’d get
abused. But we kept at it. One day, when we were bracing for the
next insult, two Italian men said, ‘Good morning! How are you?’
That was a relief. The situation changed when His Holiness the
Dalai Lama became popular. Once, he was giving a Kalachakra
initiation in Toronto. I attended the first three days, which were
on the Four Noble Truths. It was beautiful. His Holiness the Dalai

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 211

 Lama invited us, Theravada monks, to the stage to chant. The event
was an hour’s walk away from my mom’s place. When I was leaving
the event, people honked their horns in appreciation: ‘Good on you
mate!’ They weren’t abusing me, which was nice.
Luang Por Liem is totally free of biases. He once said, ‘People are
just people,’ which is brilliant. We don’t have to deconstruct our
biases. I think things will work out by keeping the heart open,
noticing the biases and trying not to respond from a fearful place.
Once, Nick Scott and I travelled from Warsaw to St. Petersburg. It
took two-and-a-half months. We flew to Warsaw and decided to use
local buses or walk the rest of the trip. We walked a lot in Latvia,
Lithuania, and Estonia. One of the things we decided was to call
the ‘weird’ people who test our compassion, ‘Indra’. Indra is the
warrior king of the devas. He is also a trickster in Hindu mythology.
It was really interesting. When we encountered the ‘Indras’, we’d
just be open to the person. We’d be cautious and streetwise, but
open. It was a fun way to travel.
In terms of the question on thought and mind, we need to
understand that at the level of human interaction, we want to
do as much good as possible and as little harm as possible. The
amount you can do depends on your age, available resources, your
character, and vocation. My vocation is not social work, but I have
been able to contribute something to society, which feels okay.
When I was studying at the University of Toronto in the sixties,
there were a lot of radical, anti-war demonstrations. Everyone
seemed angry and even violent. I didn’t want to be a part of that and
chose a different vocation.
At the minimum, as individuals and human beings, we’re ensuring
every interaction is based on compassion and kindness as much as
possible. Then, there’ll come a time in life when you have to leave all
types of proactive engagements to other people. This is the model
in India. When you’re younger and you’ve got lots of energy, time,

212 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
and resources, you’re active in society. When you retire and children
are old enough to take care of themselves, you prepare your mind
for death. Of course, death can happen tomorrow or 20 years later.
These post-retirement years of mental stability and health, even
though the body may not be in its prime, are very important for
spiritual practice. To not engage with confusing issues is a good
thing. There was a time and place for that. You did the advocacy
work as a youngster. Perhaps, it’s time for something else. An elder
who is wise, available, has the capacity for compassionate listening,
and is not caught up in worldly, everyday issues is a valuable
being in society.
Do consider what retirement means to you. Surely, it’s not just
improving your golf score. Take the quietness of the mind as a
serious issue.
One way to deal with the evil in the world is not to get stressed by
it. Protect the mind and bring it to loving-kindness and stillness.
Know your limitations. Don’t get burnt out. My suggestion is,
‘less, not more’.
In my own life, I determined that I’ve got to sort out my own mind
first. How can I have a family or be a social activist if I’m still fraught
with fear? So, I decided to go to a monastery. As situations arose later
in life, I had enough resources to share. That was a natural evolution.
You have to give yourself time to do the undergraduate work of the
heart. It involves learning about meditation, understanding your
own mental makeup and transcendence, and how to incline the
mind towards it. A retreat such as this is helpful. In monastic life,
we give junior monks time to get their head around the Buddha’s
teachings and the workings of their own heart. They typically teach
only after ten years.
If you have or almost have grey hair, consider the spiritual life. It
is not a running away from conventional life but putting into the
conventional world wise beings who eventually have some influence.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 213

 Q: If awareness can exist without material, why do we need this
body to realise the Deathless?
A: Well, you have no choice. You’re incarnate in a body, and you
suffer. The Buddha asks, ‘Why do you suffer?’ And he offers a
teaching. So, it’s just the way it is, isn’t it?

Q: When this retreat ends, I plan to sit virtually with a sangha

at the Toronto Zen Centre on weekdays. I feel it’ll be helpful to
practise with a group, but it’s a different tradition with their own
set of rituals. Also, should I sign up to receive private teachings
from the rōshi?
A: Join in the rituals. They’re great fun. Wherever you are, be it a
church or a Zen temple, join in and try to get the feeling of what
the rituals are. Or just watch like an anthropologist. That’s what
we tell guests who are shy of our tradition. They’re uncomfortable
with some rituals and conventions like bowing. We tell them to just
be like anthropologists and watch. When you go into someone’s
spiritual home, you want to find out their rituals and be sensitive to
them: ‘How do I be polite in this environment? What is communion
in this particular situation?’ You have to be very mindful. Find
out where they leave their shoes and how they conduct formal
meditation sessions. That’s a beautiful thing to do.
The relationship with a rōshi is personal and important. You first
have to build trust with the teacher by basically interviewing him.
You want to make sure the teacher has a strong moral foundation
with impeccable credentials, as they have a lot of power. In the past,
there were a lot of problems in Western monasticism, where people
misused that power. It has improved now. It’s a much more gracious
and mature time. Twenty years ago, people were a bit more naive
about what a teacher could or couldn’t do. As for us in Theravada,
we have strict guidelines around money and relationships that
protect both the laity and monks.

214 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
When ‘interviewing’ the teacher, ask for their opinion about your
practices. If they offer positive feedback, then they’re tuning into
your own practice, picking up who you are, and encouraging
you in ways that make sense to you. This means the teacher
is listening to you.

Q: Is it meaningful when I experience visual objects in the mind

during meditation? I sometimes see a ball of fire or energy. It just
comes as I’m sitting, with no emotions, words, or clear meaning.
Sometimes I experience the faces of teachers too and that often
comes with warmth and feelings of tranquillity and hope.
A: If your project is awareness, and you begin to sense the silence
of that, would the light imagery or nimitta help you? Could you
hold that imagery as an object of calming, or would it excite you?
Would you get lost in it? You could be fascinated by the nimitta or
become very tranquil. You must be careful when absorbing into an
object like a light image, as you could become dependent on it and
think that awareness is a kind of absorbed meditative experience
just like a trance.
Awareness is not dependent on deep states of tranquillity. We’re
interested in a sustained knowing of the way things are for long
periods of time. If the images are just coming and going, then see
if you can stay calm, allow it to be what it is, and not get caught up
in too much thinking about it. If it comes a lot, experiment with
holding it in your mind. See what happens. But don’t create a self
around it: ‘Oh, I’ve got this.’ Don’t create doubt around it: ‘What
is that?’ Just acknowledge that it’s a phenomenon that has arisen.
It is as it is. It might or might not have a calming effect. But the
project is sustained stillness, awareness, and composure with the
way things are, which allow you to contemplate phenomenon and
life experiences.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 215

 It is skilful to bring up the images of teachers. I visualise and imagine
Luang Por Sumedho. When his image comes into consciousness, it’s
beautiful and lovely; the heart is filled with gratitude and warmth.
That’s a skilful way of developing open-heartedness.
It’s not just about one relationship, though. It’s about all beings all
of the time.
People have strange experiences during meditation like feeling
their body is 10ft tall. It’s important to understand if these types of
experiences are composing or exciting the mind.
If you had an extraordinary experience, then are you spending
the next five sittings trying to repeat that? You’re in trouble then
because you’re in time. There was the past: ‘I really meditated very
well that day. I’m a basket case now. I need to get back.’ Now you’re
stuck in time. You have desire, you have self, and you also have the
whipping afterwards when you felt like you ‘failed’.
All meditators have these experiences. The holding of tranquillity
as something we want to repeat is a big stumbling block for people
because it can be addictive. You experience a beautiful feeling. But
if you spend the next six months trying to get back that feeling,
then you won’t see the desire to get or the desire to become. You
may also judge your present moment as pathetic.
Luang Por Chah said, ‘If your meditation makes you peaceful,
then accept it. If your meditation doesn’t make you peaceful,
then accept it.’
When it is tranquil, ride with it. When it changes, you acknowledge:
‘Well, it’s supposed to change.’ If there’s restlessness, accept it:
‘Restlessness feels like this.’
That’s the movement to transcendence.
I’m not dismissing deep states of tranquillity but be careful. If you
hold onto that side, then the other side is going to plague you. We’re
trying to be ‘side-less’.

216 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
When meditation has a lot of tranquillity, it’s nurturing and
energising. It gives you a lot of inspiration. The difficulty is to not
hold on to it and not try to get it back. That’s why they say, ‘Whatever
happens in mediation, give it all up.’ This is the idea of sharing merit.
Give all the goodness that came from your meditation to everyone
all over the world. It’s hard to do, though. So, when it is peaceful,
say, ‘Thank you.’ When it’s not, say, ‘The practice shouldn’t change
because awareness is unchanging.’
You always move to the Unchanging, rather than to the duality
of experience.
When Luang Por Liem experienced exalted states of mind, he
didn’t hold onto them. He simply accepted them: ‘It is as it is.’
It arose and ceased. Now, of course, there’s no arising or ceasing
of experiences for him. How did he get there? By not creating or
holding onto anything.

Q: The end of the out-breath does indeed seem to be an interesting

place to hang out. I’m noticing a lot of stillness there, and conversely,
a bit of upheaval. It occurred to me that hanging out here is a practise
for my final out-breath. I found this thought disturbing at first, but
in fairly short order, it seems to be becoming a place of comfort.
A: Yes, I contacted a lot of fear there myself. Fear is an important
human predicament. It was essential for me to understand it deeply,
not at the level of thought, but at the hara level, in the stomach, and
the heart. I also had to liberate it from the conditioned nature of my
sense of self. A lot of that came about through this capacity to just
allow the out-breath to be what it is. Sometimes the out-breath is
like an incredible, deep yawn felt in the hara or like a queasy tension.
The natural reaction is wanting to do something, but I’ve learned
not to let it go to thought. Fear is there, but it has no narrative or
story. It’s just conditioning. I don’t have to do anything about it;
just accept and let it be. Once you let the out-breath be as is, you

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 217

 may notice that the body is tense on the in-breath. Now, what’s that
stress all about? That would be an interesting contemplation.
The out-breath is also the place where you get kidnapped by
thought, plans, etc.
When you make the out-breath a ‘project,’ you tend to be with the
body more. Also, if you pay attention to a bodily component for 45
minutes or more over six days, you can imagine how beneficial it’ll
be in ordinary life because you now have a subconscious movement
of attention. Say, you’re in the marketplace where ‘something’
is happening. At that time, some of your attention is going to be
on the out-breath because you’ve been training to notice it. This
is fabulous because you now have a way of processing things that
were triggered by complexities you might not have experienced
in a retreat. Attention is no longer just in thought or personal
relationships. It’s deeper. Observing the out-breath is also calming
and peaceful. But it’s not a trance. You’re fully open, awake, and
with life as it presents itself.

Q: How do I reach out to someone who I see as my teacher and

hope I might be received as their student?
A: In Theravada Buddhism, senior monks are teachers for anyone
who wants to come. We don’t set up personal relationships, but
if you come to a monastery and meet one of the senior monks,
then they get a sense of your story and the kinds of things you are
learning about. That would be one way to establish a relationship
with a monastic. The monk knows you and you don’t have to repeat
your story every time. It’s a natural occurrence in monasteries. The
duty of monks, especially of abbots, is to always be available to
the laity because that’s how we serve society. A lot of people come
and talk about their practice. I get to know them, and they’re very
good friends now. But there isn’t a guru-shishya (teacher-disciple)
relationship like you might find in Tibetan Buddhism. Theravada

218 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
teachers don’t give much direction in terms of what you should
do with your life. We’re not therapists. We don’t have the skills to
help a person with PTSD, marital issues, etc. The conversations are
about Dhamma. We try to view any problem a layperson may be
experiencing in terms of greed, hatred, and delusion, or through the
Four Noble Truths.

Q: I find it very helpful to let the mind rest in the knowing rather
than the object of breathing. Will the parallel be awareness of
space in vision, or awareness of silence around sound if all of these
practices have the effect of stopping the mind and opening the
heart to silence with deep tenderness?
A: Yes, definitely. Awareness of space is an intuitive one. Space is a
common analogy. It’s similar to the example of print on the book
and the page of the book. In a room, when you take your attention
away from objects, you begin to see consciousness, awareness, space.
From that you can understand the craving for objects is the wrong
place to look for peace.
The abandonment of the strategies of craving is very important for
realising the Unconditioned.
Also, is the space here different than out there? You realise it’s the
same. You get a sense of what awareness, space, or knowing mean.
These are really interesting parts of our spiritual life. We get past
our emotional baggage and the mind begins to quieten.
As you age, go for simplicity rather than complexity. What could be
simpler than space?
We can’t teach that to minds intoxicated with objects. You have
to teach moral integrity. As your attention gets refined, even the
doing of meditation objects becomes too coarse. You can relax away
from that and notice space. But this isn’t a case of being spaced out.
You’re very conscious in choiceless awareness. You’re choosing to be
present and open, but away from objects.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 19
 Q: During meditation I seem to give instructions or reminders
to myself like ‘I am aware’; ‘Let go’; and ‘I am grateful.’ Thus,
I’m always talking to myself. Is this okay to do throughout
the meditation?
A: Yes and no. My first teacher, late Venerable Bhikkhu Ñanasuci,
once asked, ‘What’s the word the Buddha would have used the
most?’ Well, you truly can’t know the answer to that question.
Similarly, it kind of depends on the make-up of your mind. If you’re
an obsessive commenter with a machine gun of comments, then
it’s probably not good. But if you know how to coach yourself with
language, that would be great. For instance, popping in the word,
‘grateful,’ eases your heart and you abide as gratitude for a while.
That’s a really good use of right thinking. You’re using it correctly.
So, it depends on habit and the result. Also, you want to taste the
silence of no thought and have an aptitude for that.

220 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
DAY SE V EN
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH BECOMING

As I’ve been suggesting, it’s helpful to awaken to the mood of

the mind right from when you get up in the morning. It doesn’t
take the thinking mind long to create a self and others as well as
a past and future. The whole world is born into consciousness
through thought, through self, and through mood. You can know
that as an object. When you do, you start to touch the silence
that’s behind the world.

So, what is the mood of the mind? This isn’t a judgement. It’s
an awakening. Then tune into silence by listening to the sounds
around you. In the listening, you also hear the silence, don’t you?

Since you’re tuned into the present moment, you know the way
things are. It’s very simple, isn’t it? The habits of thought and of
becoming as well as all the wanting and not wanting make life
complex. Awakening to them is very simple.

Creating affection is a pleasant thing to do. So, make

conscious someone dear to you. Realising, naming them,
bringing them to mind at the in-breath, and feeling them at
the heart: ‘May they be well.’ What a lovely thing to do, isn’t
it? It’s like a giving. Then you keep tuning into the silence,
affection, and gratitude.
 QUESTIONS
AND
ANSWERS

Q: How do you fulfil your social responsibilities and act skilfully in

the face of worldly injustices?
A: First off, protect the mind from anger and righteous indignation
– because we are cultivating something deeper than what’s
happening in the world. If you’re really interested in getting angry,
then go for it. If that’s what turns you on, then be angry. But how
effective or profitable is that? One wants to guard against righteous
indignation and anger (which could be justifiable) because that’s
been very destructive in human society on all ends of the spectrum.
Can one be engaged without being angry? Is there some logic
in being engaged without being angry? Does that make sense or
is anger a necessary part of being engaged? Is being enraged an
essential part of effective action?
When I was studying at the University of Toronto in the mid-
1960s, there were anti-Vietnam war protests on campus. Jerry
Rubin, a radical left dissident, and part of the Chicago Seven group
that was arrested for sedition during the 1968 Democratic National
Convention in Chicago, USA, once spoke at the university. He had
the Viet Cong flag around his neck at that time and incited everyone
to extreme anger. I was against the Vietnam War, but I didn’t want
to be angry or self-righteous. I preferred to cultivate inner freedom
and participate wherever I could as peacefully as possible.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 223

 My question isn’t how much you engage in social activism, but
does anger facilitate peace? Does an angry person serve peace in
the world? You may think living a peaceful life as a monk is not
really going to stop the downward trend of societal corruptions
and similar issues. If so, in an ideal situation, social activism can
become your vocation. Dr. Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela,
and His Holiness the Dalai Lama can be described as social
activists. They also took up the spiritual challenge of remaining
loving in horrible situations.
Can you do social activism without becoming angry? That would
be an interesting exercise. If you’re intent on social activism, then
pick up the cause where you might have some power, societal
connections, and resources to create change. You use that ‘vehicle’
to understand and liberate your heart from anger.
It’s way too easy to blame your anger on other people. We can
find lots of things in the world to hate. As American novelist Toni
Morrison said, ‘Goodness is difficult.’ It’s not easy to do social
activism as a spiritual practice. But it’s an interesting challenge.
Whatever you choose, always be responsible for your own mind
and heart – and keep moving towards compassion. I chose
monasticism as my vocation, but it was not to run away from
social responsibilities. I felt the need to do the ‘undergraduate
work’ of training the mind. Things have evolved from there,
and I’m here now.

Hatred vs. anger

There is a difference between hatred and anger. Hatred is pernicious
and destructive for the individual and society.
Anger is also problematic, but someone could just flare up and be
without hatred. It could be an aggravation of something in life.
Anger is habitual. Some people are very passionate that way, and

224 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
anger is a quick, volcanic arising. But it’s socially awkward to have
people angry all the time, to say the least. It can certainly be painful
because we often direct anger towards the people closest to us, which
is tragic. So, anger must be addressed. You have to patiently work
on not believing in it and not going there, developing awareness
about how anger manifests in the body as well as being willing to
ask for forgiveness. But there is a massive difference between held,
visceral hatred and the flaring up of anger.
Ajahn Bodhipālā, who resides at Amaravati Buddhist Monastery,
UK, is originally from Cambodia. She was in Cambodia when the
Khmer Rouge took over. She witnessed the violent, horrible deaths
of several family members. Then a layperson, she fled to the United
States where she had a successful career as a computer programmer.
She carried a lot of hatred for the Khmer Rouge. She developed a
practice of visually torturing Khmer Rouge soldiers. She would
constantly imagine cutting up the soldiers with a razor to the
smallest pieces possible to inflict the most amount of pain. She
eventually realised the hatred was destroying her. She went back to
her Buddhist roots and began to practise mettā bhāvanā to develop
the forgiveness capacity. It took a long time to move the heart from
hatred to forgiveness. Eventually, she returned to Phenom Phen,
the capital of Cambodia, where she established a refuge for abused
women. She did the most stunning act then. She visited a nearby
village where Khmer Rouge soldiers were residing. She asked them
for forgiveness for all the hatred that she had previously ‘directed
towards them’. The soldiers cried, and they asked for forgiveness
too. This is an example of the spiritual or inner transformations we
are capable of as humans.
Now, forgiveness is not condoning. Just like his Holiness the Dalai
Lama, don’t allow the mind to go to hatred.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 225

 Q: How do you hang out more in the silence at the end of thought?
A: You start by noticing the tendency to get rid of thought and
then making conscious the end of thought more and more. In that
moment of noticing, try to create a positive perception of, ‘this is it;
I don’t have to go anywhere,’ instead of, ‘oh god, I’m thinking too
much’. The shift from thought to the object of meditation happens
very quickly. Also, this critical judgement is not analytical; it’s just
a reaction to thought. But it’s not coming from awakening; it is due
to resistance and rejection. So, make conscious the end of thought
by doing the exercises we’ve been doing in this retreat. Just say,
‘This is it.’ Affirm it. Make it important: ‘That’s it. I don’t have to
do anything else.’
You keep doing that. It may take 20 years but keep doing it. It’s very,
very subtle. The desire to get rid of thought will surely lessen.
Once you have a taste of the nectar of silence, you will incline towards
that. However, old habits will be there. This is the frustrating part
of the contemplative life. Even though you have insight, the power
of habit will overwhelm it.
There are many situations in life when we have to wait for things
to happen, be it a traffic jam or a medical appointment. You have
nothing to do in those moments but wait. Usually, when there’s
nothing to do, we want to do something. You’ll probably browse
magazines, scroll through your emails, or do something else. Well,
why don’t you do nothing? Why do anything when there’s nothing
to do? Just sit there and abide in witnessing. You realise the mind
wants to do something. That’s the movement of thought and of
becoming and doing. While it’s okay to read and answer emails,
notice the tendency to do something. Make it conscious: ‘Oh,
there’s nothing to do.’ Then listen to the silence. Take these little
opportunities that exist in life. Obviously, the more you introduce
them into your day, the more silence will become conscious.

226 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
We’ve got a lot of ‘horrible toys’ to fill the mind. There’s this
constant going out and consuming. That’s what a consumer society
does. We might not be consuming gross material objects, but we are
imbibing a lot of information. The mind does like to go out a lot.
As Luang Por Dune says:
The mind going outside is the cause.
The result of the mind going outside is suffering.
The mind knowing the mind is the path.
The result of the mind knowing the mind is the
end of suffering.
You know the mind, you know knowing. The more you intend that,
the more it’ll happen. I don’t know any secret, quick methods that
would work. I tried drugs, which didn’t work. I messed it up even
more, so I don’t recommend that. A lifestyle that is non-distracting
and doesn’t stir the mind a lot helps in that way. The sense of silence
then becomes more obvious.

Q: I’ve been finding ‘the still knowing of’ very useful, experimenting
with bringing up worry or fear into the still knowing and abiding
there. Also, with discomfort in my knees and seeing that the still
knowing of the pain allows it to be as it is, there’s less resistance.
I wonder about experimenting with half-open eyes as in the Zen
tradition to help transition into life generally. This morning, I
meditated looking at the light forming in the trees in front of me.
I worked with abiding in still knowing and bringing up worry.
I wonder if this might be a good method for me to expand the
practice into the less beautiful parts of life.
A: Yes, that’s the kind of experimentation you want to do. We all
have our own life programs that we’re working with both in terms
of conditioning and social situation. When we experiment, we’re
able to figure out if it works.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 227

 So, how can we bring this into all of life because this should be 24/7.
What’s the point of experimenting if it’s just limited to the zafu?
The intuitions that make something an everyday part of life are
important and fruitful. Also, that kind of experimentation can be
effective because it’s personal and about one’s own situation with
an understanding of the basic principles. Luang Por Chah would
say, ‘Always question yourself,’ not just intellectually, but also by
looking in this way.
Beauty helps too. The Buddha said monks should live in forest
environments. But am I dependent on the environment? Do I
have to live in a monastery or a beautiful place or can I practise
in a more raucous place? Practice has to be the same whether
we’re in the forest, a beautiful place, the airport, or the office. The
environment is incredibly helpful, but the practice should be the
same in all environments. That only makes sense. Otherwise, it’s
not transcendent.

Q: When all else fails in my meditation practice, I turn to mettā, so

I really appreciate your reflections on the mettā chant (refer to The
Buddha’s Words on Loving-Kindness, p193). However, when asked
about sending mettā to individuals, your answer suggested this is
not the intention or the method. It is about openness, oneness, and
knowing the feeling in the heart. I have been sending the energy of
mettā to individuals. Please clarify the mettā practice.
A: When I am at a store, I don’t send mettā to passers-by. I just
keep the heart open. If the heart contracts because of something,
then I can sense that. I never learned this way of sending mettā.
In Thailand, where I trained, it was about the development of the
pāramī of mettā, the development of energy, and the development
of the heart. I use imagery and phrases like ‘Luang Por Sumedho’
on the in-breath and ‘may you be well’ on the out-breath. You could
say that’s sending mettā, which is fine, but these are just verbal

228 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
strategies. What matters is, ‘Does it work for you?’ If yes, then don’t
worry about the language.
It is beautiful that we human beings can enter into that kind of
relationship, but I don’t like sending mettā to myself deliberately.
If there is self-disparagement or aversion to others, then the heart is
closed. If I stay centred with an open heart, then when self-criticism
starts to ramp up, I can sense the constriction in the heart.
It’s not about sending mettā to myself. It’s not around the energy
of self and other. It’s not in the model of self and other. The model
of flow of consciousness is the model that’s governed by dependent
origination. With this as condition, that arises. When there is
this, there is that. The social aspect of Buddhism, the part we call
conventional truth, is the model of self and other. I’m using the
model of dependent origination where the sense of self and other
is a perception that comes and goes, and I’m moving towards the
emptiness of those perceptions with an open heart.

Q: Is there a reason or a purpose for the accumulation of pain in the

legs and back when sitting cross-legged?
A: You’re probably not used to sitting cross-legged for several hours.
During my time in rural Thailand, most of the houses had no beds,
chairs, cushions, or any type of furniture. The monks were used to
sitting on cloth mats. If you grew up in that kind of environment,
then sitting cross-legged is natural and there’s not much pain. If
you’re not used to sitting cross-legged, then obviously your muscles
aren’t developed for that. The pain could also be related to an
injury or old age. You can work towards getting the body in shape
for sitting by consulting a good yoga teacher.
There’s no purpose to pain, but you can use it to learn to peacefully
co-exist with pain, but not to the extent that it hurts you. The older
you get, it’s not about staying in shape, but about keeping ‘this

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 229

 thing’ on the road. You don’t want to wreck your back or knees.
The cross-legged posture is very grounding. A tall spine is good for
meditation because the energy flows freely. It takes time to develop
the posture. If you want to develop it, then maybe start with 30
minutes on the floor and 30 minutes on a chair. Move into it gently
instead of hurting yourself. Then learn to abide peacefully with the
discomfort. The pain itself becomes a teacher around resistance.
Having said that, one of the problems I faced was wilfulness. I was
wilfully trying to not move, which was unwise. I wasn’t reflecting
on pain. I learnt that eventually.
Pain is just a big part of being incarnate in a body. Meditators
with chronic pain learn a lot about it. They develop skilful means
of being at peace with pain. You develop the ability to notice the
desire to move and be free of pain. You learn to let go of that and be
at peace with unfulfilled desire.

Q: Do you fear death?

A: Well, not today. Tomorrow maybe; I don’t know. The question
is quite abstract. A more useful one would be, ‘Can I abide in
peace with fear?’
Fear manifests in all kinds of ways. If I understand fear and I’ve
learned how to release it, then when it arises, the refuge is not
in the emotion, but in the knowing. The fear will arise, stay for
a while, and cease.

Q: Do monks always eat at set times?

A: Our eating regime is not moral. You must understand that
all of our rules aren’t around morality. Most of them are around
organising monastic life and sticking to values of simplicity,
renunciation, and sense restraint. Monks don’t marry. Now

230 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
marriage is not immoral, but can you imagine a monastery of
50 monks and families? It wouldn’t be a monastery anymore. It
would be a commune with different principles of organisation.
The Buddha suggested developing a monastic life, which is very
simple and without distractions. Music can be very spiritual and
isn’t immoral, but we don’t have a big music collection because
that would just be another avenue to go out into the objects of the
world. The principle of monasticism is that it’s the transcendence
of the need for objects. Simplicity really helps in that respect. If a
monk is restless and has no avenues of distraction, then they have to
look at the restlessness. They abide with it and understand this kind
of drawing out into objective experience.
People will equate rules with morality, but it’s not that. You
probably have some rules in your home to help everyone live
together harmoniously. It’s the same principle in monasteries.

Q: When feeling lots of anxiety or fear of contracting COVID-19,

how can you meditate especially with the pain or not being able to
breathe?
A: Develop strength of awareness in the ordinary and in safe
situations. You can gain insight and understanding in those
circumstances. When life becomes complex, you have some tools,
foundation, and a momentum of awareness and insight, which will
serve you well.
If you’re absorbed in breath meditation, then it’ll be challenging
not to be able to breathe. But if awareness is your practice and you
can’t breathe due to a panic attack, can it be possible for awareness
to know panic?
You can prepare for death, sickness, and pain by being aware now
of little pains and annoyances.
The future is unknown. Now is the knowing.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 231

 Q: As I rest more in knowing and try to bring that to my daily life,
there seems to be a lessening of will and motivation for my usual
activities. I do what needs to be done and try to bring the knowing
mind to that but there certainly seems to be a dropping away of
motivation in many areas.
A: This is very common. The basic sense of going out into objects is
no longer interesting. You don’t need to do that anymore. You prefer
to rest and abide in the beauty of the peaceful mind. But it’s not
passive or dysfunctional. This is actually the brightness of being.
It’s very awake and it’s a skill to abide in non-desire, non-becoming,
and non-resistance. Abiding in that is very fulfilling. Yet, when
there’s need, we will respond instantly without any hesitation. So,
this is, I would say, a good sign. Society might think you’re losing
the plot here, but this is not passivity. Passivity is bad when it goes
to thought. The thought then just spins around in self-narratives
and downward spirals of depression. Instead, this is about abiding
in stillness and peace because it has that fulfilment of non-desire.
The thing about desires being fulfilled is that they perpetuate more
desires. Whereas with cessation of desire you no longer need to
fulfil desires. Yes, we have biological and social desires of what we’d
like to affect with family and friends. But as the need for objects
falls away, the taste of peace becomes more pleasant and interesting
than the taste of movement, excitement and interest. You become
interested in peace, I suppose, so, savour that.

232 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 M E D I TAT I O N
AWA R ENE S S WITH PERCEP TIONS

Awakening to the way things are – simple, isn’t it?

Thought makes it complex. So, come to the simplicity of knowing.

What language do you use to stay there? As I was saying earlier,

‘This is it.’ This knowing is the goal.

You can create, in some way, pleasantness and affection

in the heart – welcoming the breath and even curiosity of the
out-breath.

Whether it’s affection or curiosity, both are aspects of awakened

knowing. With curiosity, you’re not trying to get an experience.
You’re simply looking at your experience right now. For instance,
you’re looking at the end of the out-breath just like a scientist
would be looking at lab procedures.

Affection is both warm and an attitude that helps you sustain

this capacity for awareness.

These are the general principles. You can agree or disagree with
them. If you find them helpful, then find ways to keep introducing
these simple principles into your meditations.
 T R U S T I N AWA R E N E S S

It’s our final evening. As I always joke, if it was a terrible retreat and
you’re happy, or if it was a good retreat and you feel sad, or if it was
an indifferent retreat and you feel indifferent, then know time is
a feeling. Scientifically, time is considered an absolute, but I think
there are different opinions about that. Time is a felt thing. If your
meditation went really well, it must have felt short. But, if it was
horrible, then it could have been eternal hell. Whatever you feel now
– happy, sad, or in-between – the awareness is timeless. Awareness,
consciousness, presence, or knowing is pure and mysterious, but
you know that you know this ineffable presence of knowing. It
has no quality or shape. It’s not square or round. It doesn’t have a
haircut. It’s a mystery and yet, you can abide as the knowing. It’s
not hidden in any way.
Sadness at the end of a retreat or happiness at the end of a sitting
are the qualities that we experience. We respond to them because
we are biological and emotional beings. But is that the only thing
there is? Is this endless response to stimuli, pain, and pleasure the
only thing there is? The Buddha said no. There is an alternative to
pleasure and pain, and that’s the transcendent silence of knowing
the way things are.

Intuitive awareness
The title of one of Luang Por Sumedho’s books is Intuitive
Awareness. It’s a phrase he was using a few years ago. I didn’t
pick up on that phrase in the beginning. I wondered, ‘How do
you explain this?’

234 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
If you have a rigorous intellectual approach, then words have specific
meanings. While this may be true, the idea of a reflective teaching is
not to nail down the exact, ‘eternal’ meaning of a word. The word
is simply just trying to get you to look at life in a certain way, so you
understand something about it. Over time, you accumulate wisdom
through reflective understanding of the Buddha’s teachings and
become less and less confused by conditions. It’s a confidence that is
not based on some kind of Buddhist intellectual fundamentalism.
While it can be helpful to be knowledgeable about some ideas, it’s
simply at the intellectual level for me. The confidence to know
the path existentially and emotionally is the meaning of ‘intuitive
awareness,’ as described by Luang Por Sumedho. You intuit that’s
the way to go.
The awakened mind is a simple thing. These days, we hear the
phrase, ‘uncertain times,’ a lot. When haven’t we lived in uncertain
times! It’s weird and uncertain now, but what is certain is that you
know it feels uncertain. The only liberation from uncertainty is
knowing that it is uncertain.
Luang Por Chah constantly stressed the ‘uncertain’ theme. If you
take it in a social context, you can get really afraid. Global warming,
pandemic, wars, and political strife are all causing uncertainties
in the world, and if you really proliferate on them, you’ll be very
worried. But that’s not what Luang Por Chah is saying. He’s asking
us to look at the feeling of worry as something that is coming and
going; look at the feeling of uncertainty, which is coming and going;
and look at the feeling of time coming and going.
In Buddhism, this practice is called aniccasaññā (perception of
change). This perception is always possible. After this retreat, you
may feel inspired or want your money back. Two weeks later, you
may wonder about what you heard on the retreat. At that moment,
you can just say to yourself, ‘I don’t know what he was talking
about,’ and you’ll be on the path again. This is the beauty of it;

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 235

 it’s always there. The issue is not so much about understanding the
teaching, but about trust.

Faith
What do you trust spiritually? What do you have faith in? Do
you have faith in dogma? We’d like to stay away from religious
fundamentalism because we feel it’s conceited, aggressive,
and patronising.
You can have faith in material things like car brakes and your
insurance policy, but what does faith and trust mean spiritually?
When push comes to shove, what do you do? Worry? Then, there’s
a faith or trust in worry, a habit of worry, or the kamma of worry.
So, one needs to make conscious the intention to trust in awareness.
You have to do that consciously and deliberately because the
other parts of our habitual conditioning click in very quickly.
Hopefully, due to a safe and wholesome environment, you have
a chance to develop a sensitivity to awareness of the way things
are during this retreat.
In situations that are not dangerous, when you feel vulnerable
and your fears or worries come up, you can begin to trust in
awareness of vulnerability rather than running with thoughts of
worry and fear.
Much of the popular press is stimulating lots of fear in our minds.
There are surely things to be afraid of, but the sense of being
vulnerable is an important human condition to begin to make
conscious in a safe place.

Knowing vulnerability
There was a question about austere practices that monks adopt.
Well, I could fast for ten days with just water, or I could go without
sleep. I did them, but that was only through will power. The real
austere practice for me was being vulnerable and in situations that

236 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
I did not feel comfortable. I was safe though. In those vulnerable
moments, the ego mind would come up. There was fear, worry,
self-doubt as well as the wanting to be liked by others. If a person
I wanted to like me looked at me sullenly, then I’d worry about
them. This happened to me once. I later found out that they had
influenza, and it wasn’t about me.
The proliferation of mind that takes place with vulnerability and
self-doubt is a huge part of our suffering.
How do you liberate the mind from that? A lot of people do it by
developing skills, but sometimes they are just a cover up. There are
people who are powerful, but still vulnerable. Yes, we need to deal
with the sense of not knowing and not being sure about the future
functionally, but emotionally bearing witness to vulnerability is
the way to liberate fear from the heart. If you have PTSD, then
you’ll need professional help. But, for most of us with our average
garden variety neuroses and vulnerabilities, this makes a lot of
sense. Certainly, I found it helpful.

Offering goodwill and kindness

In our culture, there’s a lot of self-disparagement, self-criticism, and
idealism. A sense of self is created from ideals – the shoulds and
shouldn’ts – that have been inculcated into the mind whether it’s
around being a man, woman, mom, or dad. A lot of self-criticism,
guilt, and lack of self-acceptance stems from that conditioned
idealism. In this way, attachment takes place in our cultures. We can
be very smart and clever about these issues. But this isn’t an issue of
the intellect, rather the heart. What works for me is somehow by-
passing the endless analysis and getting to the root of the problem.
It is both a visceral and conditioned result in the heart.
Sometimes, Buddhism and meditation can adopt a warrior-like
tone. For example, we often hear of killing the kilesas. I question
whether that works – because it’s imbued with wilfulness and

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 237

 becoming. Whereas, when you feel vulnerable and fears are
coming up, it’s an opportunity to witness the way things are. This
witnessing of vulnerability is a kind of self-love because you are no
longer rejecting it or pushing away the feelings and demanding that
you be some ideal that you think you should be. This willingness is
mettā bhāvanā.
Mettā bhāvanā is not just a dualistic way of sharing feelings of
loving-kindness with others. This active experiencing of mettā
is profound. In this way you are not dwelling in aversion. You’re
offering goodwill and kindness to that feeling of vulnerability.
As Luang Por Sumedho said, ‘It all belongs.’ It is an open-hearted
acceptance of the way things are. It’s far from a narcissistic love.
It seems to me that awareness and goodwill must be conjoined. It’s
not like you do one and then the other. The whole path is really one
in that way.
We use language to compartmentalise things, but is not the open
heart simply a dynamic availability to all of life, which then responds
to all of life according to the circumstances?
So, if there’s pain, there’s compassion. If there’s beauty, there’s joy.
There’s no desire because the heart is fulfilled. There’s peacefulness
and equanimity because there’s no desire. The equanimity isn’t
cold. It has a kind of openness. How do we come to that?
As they say in one tradition, ‘Trust in Allah and tie your camel.’
So, having tied your camel – such as paying your insurance
bills and making sure you’ve got enough food to ride out the
snowstorm – you want to be able to enter into those difficult states
of consciousness because that’s where the sense of self, distraction,
and blame get born. In the witnessing of that and the allowing of
that, the separation of ego and consciousness begins to fall away,
and compassion begins to manifest. This is not a deliberate act.
It’s more like the naturalness of the heart, which is liberated from
fear, greed, hatred, and delusion. It’s nature; it’s not like you have

238 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
to do it. His Holiness the Dalai Lama isn’t doing it; he just is it.
He is a Bodhisattva.
A lot of my suffering has been that sense of vulnerability. For
instance, when teaching, you are out there, just ‘naked’ on stage,
and raw emotionally. Plus, you don’t have a textbook to guide you
or a back-up person. You feel vulnerable during the early days of
teaching, at least I did even though the environment was safe
Actually, being vulnerable in a safe place was the best austere
practice I could have. Feeling doubt and fear and not just riding
over them in an intellectual manner, but being in the midst of that,
bearing witness, and then seeing what kindness is in those moments
was powerful. It’s incredibly powerful over a long period of time.
The calmness then comes naturally. The openness comes naturally.

Freeing the heart

Meditation can be viewed as an accumulation of calming states of
mind. But it can be a purification too. Meditation can be viewed
as a willingness to bear witness to the arising of difficult states of
mind and a cultivation of open-hearted awareness around them.
These are powerful things to do.
As long as negative things are haunting our minds, we will
want to free ourselves from them. These negative feelings are
not a mere blip in consciousness. They’re powerful stuff. These
resultant things that come through us carry a lot of energy. You
may or may not know why you’re experiencing a certain emotion.
While it may be helpful to know the ‘why’, a lot of times it’s not
important. You have enough sensibility to know what this feels
like. The more you can witness that, I think the more the freedom
becomes apparent. Now, that’s not an issue of control. For me,
it’s an issue of awakening.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 239

 If the heart trembles too much and is too shaken, then you just get
distracted. So, you need to learn to calm the mind. But you don’t
want meditation to become a precious experience: ‘Leave me alone,
I’m meditating. I’m precious now, you coarse thing.’ That’s not
the spirit of it. You don’t want to go there because that’s boring
and not freeing. So, find places of calm in your own mind and
environment. As you enter into the complexities, reflect, ‘What
is it that doesn’t change?’
At the end of a retreat, it’s important to let go of everything. If you
think you might lose this peace tomorrow, you’re right. I guarantee
it. It’s supposed to be that way.
So, if the mind has become calm, great. Get good at that if you can.
But realise if it’s circumstantial, then it’s not freedom. Awakening
to the way things are is not a circumstance. It’s not about good or
bad weather. It’s transcendent.
Now, back to what I asked, ‘What do you trust when push comes to
shove, and the volcano starts to erupt?’ If you can trust in awareness,
then you’ve got the path to freedom.

Homework
I have homework for you. It’s very simple. Look at vibhava-taṇhā
for a year. This is the way to deepen Dhamma practice. You take a
little bit of the Buddha’s teaching and apply it.
We have a lot of resistance to the way things are, be it physical pain,
family strife, our own emotions, state of the country, etc. Trying
to get rid of thought or an emotional state to get another state are
all resistance. If we don’t understand resistance and are constantly
reacting to it, then we haven’t understood one of the three
types of craving.
According to the Buddha, there are three kinds of craving – sense-
craving, craving for a future state, and craving to get rid of.

2 40 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Determine to watch resistance and create tiny reminders like
leaving a note on your fridge or desk. Every time you resist, use
language like ‘this is what resistance feels like’ to understand the
craving. This way you’ll get past the reactivity to that mind state.
Knowing resistance doesn’t mean you condone things, or you don’t
disagree with people. It’s not about the way you engage socially,
but how you react inwardly. You could also use the word, ‘non-
resistance,’ and then watch resistance. You just keep watching that.
This is called dhammavicaya.
Once you awaken to resistance as an object, you’re starting to let
go of craving.
Sometimes resistance has a biological necessity. For instance, if your
leg hurts, then move. There’s nothing right or wrong about it. For
the next year, you’re working to understand resistance as a mind
state. It’s easy to intellectualise the teachings. But, this way, you
take just one little bit of your mind and consciousness and use the
teaching to understand and observe the mind. That’ll bring you
into awareness. You’ll be looking at the way the mind works rather
than getting caught in the storylines. You’ll also be reflecting on
how the mind works. This way, the ability to reflect on your own
conscious experience gets better and more refined.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 241

 EPILOGUE

There is the Unborn, Unoriginated, Uncreated and Unformed – this

is one of the phrases from the Pali canon that can be described as
the taproot of Ajahn Viradhammo’s spiritual cultivation. This
commitment to and exploration of the Deathless has defined his
spiritual pursuit and is the foundation of his teachings.
Ajahn’s teachings help us understand the three characteristics
of existence properly, which leads one towards the exploration of
transience, the sense of self, and the nature of experience. He often
says, ‘That which knows suffering doesn’t suffer.’ Ajahn emphasises
that the teachings of the Buddha would be incomplete if they do
not encourage us to realise the Deathless.
Ajahn’s teachings motivate us to explore the relationships we create
with objects and how an experience can be approached objectively.
But by only exploring objects, do we lose sight of something beyond?
The answer to this question, Ajahn Viradhammo emphasises, is not
to be found in analysis or active thinking, but through unbiased
observation, receptivity, and gentle curiosity – basically, with our
heart. This is where our innate capacity to be aware abides.
By avoiding verbiage, which he describes as ‘loaded’ (with
preconceived notions), technical terminology, and dogma, Ajahn
skilfully uses day-to-day, simple language, and familiar metaphors
to guides us in a manner that’s straightforward and direct. Setting
aside confusing analyses and lists, he shares his own experiences
with adopting the Buddha’s teachings in a way that is easily and
enjoyably assimilable.
The preceding pages are transcripts of a retreat led by Ajahn
Viradhammo in the late summer/early autumn of 2020. Amid

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 243

 the fear and uncertainty of the COVID lockdown, these hours
of teaching and contemplation were a great source of uplift and
inspiration to the participants. His unique, gentle, and wise
offerings were and continue to be a precious gift in times of great
turmoil and panic.
Over the years, Ajahn Viradhammo’s metaphors and phraseology
have evolved. Yet, they are consistently faithful to the main
implication of his explorations – awareness. As a student of Luang
Por Chah and Luang Por Sumedho, his teachings are loyal to
the ethos of the Thai Forest Tradition, which is: personal insight
and meditative experience are the most dependable ways of
understanding life. Honouring the advice of his teachers and by
taking their teachings to heart, Ajahn’s voice is spontaneous, as he
offers relatable, yet profound teachings.
After setting the stage with the traditional refuges and precepts,
Ajahn Viradhammo presents the idea of receptivity, which he states
is crucial to our spiritual growth. Receptivity moves us away from
control, thereby reducing the possibility of stress during meditation.
Receptivity is indeed where it all begins – where opinions and
judgements gradually lose their footing. When we are receptive,
we witness the arising of a spontaneous curiosity, unclouded by
thought or doubt.
This curiosity is neither intrusive nor does it pull us away from
the point of it all. It simply frees us from the confines of our
thinking minds, which are often constricted by our habitual value
judgements. A palpable sense of care and compassion accompany
receptivity and curiosity – and they give rise to a feeling of
acceptance and wellness.
A great reminder to the adept as well as to beginners is Ajahn’s
encouragement that meditative practice is largely built upon
reflection. Once the base of receptivity is in place, our curiosity
around emerging sensations, thoughts, emotions, and memories

2 44 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
leads us to reflect on cause and effect. We begin to realise that
we add a lot to everything that arises. We add our likes, dislikes,
judgements, and criticisms, which somehow distort what’s arisen
into something quite different.
Ajahn encourages us to understand that reflection is the ability to
bear witness by neither adding nor denying, akin to a mirror or
the surface of a placid body of water. Something has arisen and we
remain receptive and curious. We notice the background in which
all things arise. We try not to embroider what should or shouldn’t
be – we learn to let go of the drama. This naturally gives rise to a
feeling of stillness and silence; a stillness in the midst of movement
and a silence that can be touched even in the presence of sound. He
calls this, ‘Listening with the heart’ or ‘Tuning into affection’.
With this approach, we sustain our innate capacity to receive,
empathise, and celebrate others’ successes in a way that’s not
biased, coloured, or lopsided. We move towards experiencing the
brahmavihāras in a manner that’s beyond intellect and analysis.
We begin to understand and participate in what’s truly abundant,
exalted, and immeasurable, without hostility and without ill will.
This, says Ajahn, is the inclination that spontaneously accompanies
stillness, silence, and composure. It’s always there, but we habitually
tend to overlook it as we are constantly preoccupied with activity or
with objects. We can now see that our thoughts, attitudes, feelings,
etc., which cause stress, anxiety, and alienation, are neither who we
are nor are they definitive of our nature.
Witnessing in this manner engenders a wakefulness and alertness
that takes us to spaciousness and freedom. What a relief to finally
know that grumpiness has arisen and that I’m not a grumpy person.
We then relax into this knowing, as there’s objectivity and space
around whatever arises. Our hearts don’t feel cramped, restricted,
or heavy. With willingness to accept, there’s relief – and the burden
of judgements and mental proliferation gradually let go.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 245

 A large part of what we face when we are truly aware is not beautiful,
comforting, or sublime. We come face to face with our fears,
anxieties, criticisms, impulses, etc. We see how we are compelled to
immediately satisfy the demanding voice of desire. Facing all this
requires commitment and confidence.
By trusting awareness and simply allowing emotions to arise and
have their say, we do ourselves a great favour. Their energy runs
out and they diminish, subsumed into the very awareness that bore
them. We learn to witness the process of their cessation. Even if it’s
only for a moment, it gives us an undeniable taste of freedom. May
these pages offer you the same sense of liberation.
This book can be used as a guide for a seven-day self-retreat or it
can be used every Saturday or Sunday over seven weekends. Or
you may simply want to use the themes listed to guide your daily
meditation sessions. In whatever manner you decide to use these
precious offerings, may these pages, as Ajahn would say, bring you
unshakeable deliverance of the heart.
Amarasiri Bhikkhu

246 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 APPENDIX -
AN OUTLINE
OF BUDDHISM*

A great variety of forms of religious practice are associated with

the word ‘Buddhism’. However, they all take Siddhartha Gotama,
who lived and taught in northern India around 2,600 years ago, as
their source of inspiration. It was he who in historical times became
known as the ‘Buddha,’ that is the ‘Awakened One,’ one who has
attained great wisdom through their own efforts.
The Buddha did not write anything down but left a remarkable
legacy in the form of a teaching (the Dhamma) that was at first
orally transmitted by the religious Order (the Sangha) that he
founded and personally guided for 45 years. This Order has
survived the centuries, preserving the wisdom of the Buddha in
lifestyle as well as in words. To this day, these three elements, the
Buddha, the Dhamma and the Sangha, are known and respected
by all Buddhists as ‘The Three Refuges’ or ‘The Triple Gem’. They
have also come to symbolize Wisdom, Truth, and Virtue - qualities
that we can develop in ourselves.
After the Buddha’s time, his teaching was carried from India
throughout Asia, and even further. As it spread, it was affected by
its encounters with local cultures, and several ‘schools’ of Buddhism
eventually emerged.

* As an overview of the Buddhist tradition of which Ajahn Viradhammo is a part, here

is an outline from Amaravati Publications. Please refer to publications@[Link]
for details.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 47
 Broadly speaking, today are three such schools: Theravada (The
Teaching of the Elders), which still thrives in Sri Lanka, Burma,
Thailand, Laos, and Cambodia; Mahayana (The Great Vehicle),
which embraces the various traditions within China, Korea and
Japan, and Vajrayana (The Diamond Vehicle), which is associated
primarily with Tibet.
Teachers from all schools have made their way to the West. Some
preserve their lineages as found in the country of origin, while
others have adopted less traditional approaches. The approach and
the quotations used below are from the Theravada.

The Buddhist Path

The Buddha taught a path of spiritual awakening, a way of ‘practice’
that we can use in our daily lives. This ‘Path of Practice’ can be
divided into three mutually supportive aspects – virtue, meditation
and wisdom.
Where there is uprightness, wisdom is there, and where there
is wisdom, uprightness is there. To the upright there is wisdom,
to the wise there is uprightness, and wisdom and goodness are
declared to be the best things in the world.
T HE BU DDH A

Virtue
You can make a formal commitment to the Buddha’s Path of
Practice by requesting the Three Refuges and Five Precepts from a
monk or nun at a Buddhist monastery, or by taking them yourself at
home. Taking the Refuges implies a commitment to live according
to principles of Wisdom, Truth, and Virtue, using the teachings
and example of the Buddha. Someone living in this way develops
the self-discipline and sensitivity necessary to cultivate meditation,
the second aspect of the Path.

2 48 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
Meditation
Meditation, as the term is used in common parlance, is the repeated
focusing of attention upon an image, a word, or a theme in order
to calm the mind and consider the meaning of that image or word.
In the Buddhist practice of insight meditation, this focusing of
attention also has another purpose - to more fully understand the
nature of the mind. This can be done by using the meditation
object as a still reference point to help in revealing the attitudes that
are otherwise buried beneath the mind’s surface activity.
The Buddha encouraged his disciples to use their own bodies and
minds as objects of meditation. A common object, for example,
is the sensations associated with the breath during the process of
normal breathing. If one sits still, closes the eyes, and focuses on
the breath, in due time clarity and calm will arise. In this state of
mind, tensions, expectations, and habitual moods can be more
clearly discerned and, through the practice of gentle but penetrative
enquiry, resolved.
The Buddha taught that it was possible to maintain meditation in
the course of daily activity as well as while sitting still in one place.
One can focus attention on the movement of the body, the physical
feelings that arise, or the thoughts and moods that flow through the
mind. This mobile attentiveness is called ‘mindfulness’.
The Buddha explained that through mindfulness one realises an
attention that is serene. Although it is centred on the body and
mind it is dispassionate and not bound up with any particular
physical or mental experience. This detachment is a foretaste of
what Buddhists call ‘Nibbāna’ (or Nirvana), a state of peace and
happiness independent of circumstances. Nibbāna is a ‘natural’
state, meaning, it is not something we have to acquire or add to our
true nature, it is the way the mind is when it is free from pressure and
confused habits. Just as waking up dispels the dream state naturally,

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 2 49
 the mind that has become clear through mindfulness is no longer
over-shadowed by obsessive thoughts, doubts, and worries.
However, although mindfulness is the basic tool to use, we generally
need some pointers as to how to establish the right objectivity
about ourselves and how to assess what mindfulness reveals.
This is the function of the wisdom-teachings of the Buddha.

Wisdom
The most generally used wisdom-teachings of the Buddha are not
statements about God or Ultimate Truth. The Buddha felt that
such statements could lead to disagreement, controversy and even
violence. Instead, Buddhist wisdom describes what we can all notice
about life without having to adopt a belief. The teachings are to be
tested against one’s experience. Different people may find different
ways of expressing Truth; what really counts is the validity of the
experience and whether it leads to a wiser and more compassionate
way of living. The teachings then serve as tools to clear the mind
of misunderstanding. When the mind is clear, ‘Ultimate Truth’, in
whatever way one finds to express it, becomes apparent.

Following the path

When asked to explain why his disciples always looked cheerful, the
Buddha commented:
They have no regret over the past, nor do they brood over the
future. They live in the present; therefore, they are radiant.
S A Ṃ Y U T TA N I K ĀYA 1 : 1

Someone who has fully cultivated this way finds serenity and
patience in themselves in times of difficulty and the wish to share
good fortune when things go well. They live a life free from guilt
and, rather than having violent mood swings, the mind and heart
stay steady and buoyant throughout the circumstances of life.

250 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
These are the fruits; but like most fruit, they have to be cultivated
slowly and persistently with good heartedness. For this reason, the
guidance, or simply the companionship, of like-minded people is
almost indispensable. The Refuge of Sangha is a reflection on this.
Most generally, ‘Sangha’ refers to all spiritual companions, but this
spiritual companionship is highlighted by the religious order of
alms-mendicants who live under a detailed code of conduct that
unambiguously presents the values of the Buddhist path.
Buddhist monks and nuns are not preachers – being specifically
prohibited from teaching unless asked to do so – they are spiritual
companions, and their relationship with the general Buddhist
public is one of mutual support. They are prohibited from
growing food or having money; they have to keep in touch with
society and be worthy of support. Buddhist monasteries are not
escape-hatches, but places where others can stay, receive teachings
and most importantly, feel that their act of service and support is
appreciated. In this way, the monks and nuns provide more than
companionship and guidance – they also present the opportunity
for others to gain confidence and self-respect.
Do not think lightly of goodness, saying, “Nothing will help me
improve.” A pitcher is filled with water by a steady stream of
drops; likewise, the wise person improves and achieves well-being
a little at a time.
DH A M M A PA D A

The Four Noble Truths

In order to help people realise that the normal understanding of
life is inadequate, the Buddha talked about ‘dukkha’, translated
as dissatisfaction or unsatisfactoriness. He often summarised his
teaching as the truth about ‘dukkha’, its origin, its ending, and the
path to its ending. These core teachings, to be measured against
one’s experience and used for guidance, are known as the Four
Noble Truths.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 251

 The First Noble Truth: There is Dukkha
Life as we normally know it must always have a proportion of
disagreeable experiences - sickness, pain and distress are obvious
examples. Even in relatively affluent societies people suffer from
anxiety, stress, or a loss of purpose; or they feel incapable of dealing
with life’s challenges. Moreover, agreeable experiences are limited
and transient, for instance, ‘dukkha’ can be brought on by the loss
of a loved one or being badly let down by a friend.
What also becomes apparent is that these feelings cannot be
relieved for long by our usual responses, such as seeking pleasure,
greater success, or a different relationship. This is because ‘dukkha’
stems from an inner need. You could call it a longing of the
heart - for understanding, peace, and harmony.
Because it’s an inner or spiritual need, no matter how we try to
alleviate such feelings by adding something pleasant to our life, it
never quite succeeds As long as we are motivated to seek fulfilment
in what is transient and vulnerable – and it doesn’t take much
introspection to recognise how vulnerable our bodies and feelings
are – we will always suffer disappointment and a sense of loss.
Being associated with what you do not like is dukkha, being
separated from what you like is dukkha, not getting what you
want is dukkha. In brief, the compulsive habits of body and
mind are dukkha.
DH A M M AC A K K A PPAVAT TA N A S U T TA :
S E T T I N G T H E W H E E L OF DH A M M A I N MOT ION ,
S A Ṁ Y U T TA N I K ĀYA 5 6 . 1 1

The Second Noble Truth: There is an Origin of Dukkha

The Buddha’s experience was that this wrong motivation was in
essence the origin of dissatisfaction. How is this? By alway sseeking

252 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
fulfilment in what is transient, we miss out on what life could be
offering if we were more attentive and spiritually attuned.
Not using (through not knowing) our spiritual potential, we are
motivated by feelings and moods. However, when insight wisdom
reveals that this is a habit rather than our true nature, we realise that
we can change it.

The Third Noble Truth: Dukkha Can Cease

Once we’ve understood the Second Truth, the Third follows on, if
we’re capable of ‘letting go’ of our conscious and unconscious self-
centred habits.
When we are no longer defensive or aggressive, whenever we
respond to life without prejudice or fixed views, the mind rests in
an inner harmony. The habits and viewpoints that make life appear
hostile or inadequate are checked.

The Fourth Noble Truth: There is a Way to Stop Dukkha

This involves the practical guidelines for bringing a spiritual focus
to bear on life as we are living it. We can’t ‘let go’ until we become
capable of that through cultivation of our spiritual nature. But if
there is proper cultivation, the mind will naturally incline towards
Nibbāna. All that is needed is the wisdom to know that there is a
way and the means to accomplish that way.
The ‘Way’ is defined as the Noble Eightfold Path.
The ‘wheel’ symbol that is often used in Buddhist iconography is a
depiction of this Eightfold Path in which each factor supports and
is supported by all the others.
Buddhist practice consists of cultivating these factors: Right View,
Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Action, Right Livelihood,
Right Effort, Right Mindfulness and Right Concentration.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 253

 The ‘Rightness’ of them is that they entail living in accordance
with virtue, meditation, and wisdom rather than from any self-
centred position. Such a Way is therefore ‘Right’ for others as well
as oneself.
Whoever has understanding and great wisdom does not
think of harming themselves or another, nor of harming
both alike. Rather they think of their own welfare, of that of
others, of that of both, and of the welfare of the whole world.
A Ṅ G U T TA R A N I K ĀYA 4 : 9 5 . 9 9

Do not rely upon what you have heard proclaimed or upon

custom, or upon rumour, or upon scripture, or inference or
established principles, or clever reasoning, or favouring a
pet theory.
Do not be convinced by someone else’s apparent intelligence, nor
out of respect for a teacher.
When you yourself know what is wrong, foolish and unworthy,
and what leads to harm and discontent, abandon it. And when
you yourself know what is right, develop it.
A Ṅ G U T TA R A N I K ĀYA 3 : 65 .

254 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 AC K NOW L E D G E M E N TS

This book, like much of life, is the result of wholesome

collaboration. The sincerely diligent effort of dear friends spending
many hours poring over these pages to get it to you, the reader, is
truly commendable and leaves me amazed.
The inception of this book was the result of a meeting one afternoon
at Tisarana when Nithya and Colleen Glass presented an idea that
they had. The idea was to create a meditative companion – a sequel
of sorts to The Contemplative’s Craft, which was published a few
years ago. The content of this new book, they said, would feature
transcripts of a retreat held during the COVID-19 lockdown.
Soon this idea gathered momentum and took shape into what
you hold in your hands today. Along with Nithya and Colleen,
the enthusiastic and continued support of the Ottawa Buddhist
Society is something I’m deeply grateful for. Apart from hosting
the retreat, they further offered to sponsor associated costs of this
book. Most of its key members have been actively involved right
from the beginning of this project.
Much gratitude to my dear friend Ajahn Sucitto whose skill and
love of language have transformed spoken words into readable
printed format. Despite his many teaching engagements and other
commitments, he has given so generously of his time to correct,
refine and polish this manuscript. His way with words is magical.
Thank you, Ajahn, for working your magic.
Through this entire process, Nissanka Pussegoda, Joan
Thompson, Philip Jurgens, Lisa Gorecki, Teri Phripp, and Corinne
Baumgarten have always been available and provided recordings

256 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
and other material that were the basis of the initial transcript.
This was then painstakingly edited by Jane Brown, Vivienne
Bartlett, Nithya, Colleen Glass and was passed on to Jan Andrews
for another round of editorial work. Many thanks for your
involvement and generosity.
Marsha Stonehouse was eager to contribute her sketches that
provide lovely texture by representing scenes from life at Tisarana.
Nicholas Halliday offered his skill with graphic design, and we
couldn’t have asked for a better person for this task. Thank you so
much, Marsha and Nick, for your artistic touch that has added such
an appealing dimension to this book.
Finally, I’d like to express my heartfelt appreciation for Venerable
Amarasiri’s involvement. Attending meetings, taking notes,
responding to emails, et cetera, he encouraged us all with his
kindness and generosity.
Memory is an unreliable faculty, so if I’ve forgotten to mention
anyone’s contribution, please excuse my lapse. Know that even if
you haven’t been mentioned by name, you have my most sincere
appreciation and gratitude.
Much love,
Ajahn Viradhammo

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 257

 GLOS SA RY

Pali is the scriptural language of the Theravada Buddhist tradition.

Several Pali words, as well as some Thai, Japanese, Spanish, and
Sanskrit words, are used throughout this book. This glossary briefly
defines those terms.

ahaṃkāra I-making.
Ajahn (Thai) teacher.
akāliko timeless, beyond time.
ākāsa space.
anattā not-self, impersonal, without individual essence.
ānāpānasati mindfulness of breathing.
anicca/aniccaṃ impermanent, changeable, inconstant, uncertain.
The nature of all experiential phenomena.
aniccasaññā perception of change.
ariya (Sanskrit) noble one.
asaṅkhata the negation of conditionality.
asubha unattractive.
avijjā ignorance, obscuration.

bhakti (Sanskrit) devotion, involvement.

Bhante venerable sir (honorific for addressing monks).
bhāvanā cultivation of mind.
bhava-taṇhā desire to become something, one of the three types of
craving that cause suffering.
bhikkhu monk.
brahmavihāras sublime states of mind (goodwill, compassion,
appreciative joy, and equanimity).

258 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
chakra (Sanskrit) centre of spiritual energy.
citta heart and mind, active aspect of awareness.
cittānupassanā attending to the citta, mindfulness of citta, the third
foundation of mindfulness.

dāna generosity, giving.

deva/devatā celestial being, demi-god, spirit.
dhammavicaya investigation, contemplation of Dhamma.
dosa aversion.
dukkha pain, suffering, stress, unsatisfactoriness. It may be
physical or mental. The term is quite broad and includes
pain; the suffering due to change and instability; and the
unsatisfactoriness or unreliability of all formations.

Guru (Sanskrit) teacher.

hara ( Japanese) soft belly, the region between the navel and pelvic girdle.
hiri-ottappa conscience and concern.

idapaccayatā Literally: ‘conditioned by this’. The principle of specific

conditionality whereby one facet of the natural order
affects, gives rise to or conditions another.
indriya saṃvara sense restraint.

jāti birth.

kalyāṇamitta spiritual friend.

kāma-taṇhā sense desire, one of the three types of craving that
cause suffering.
kamma intentional action (of body, speech, and mind).
(Sanskrit: karma) These actions ripen as results (vipāka).
karunā compassion. Second of four sublime abodes
(brahmavihāras).
kilesa defilement, habitual attitudes of the mind that enforce
obscuration of reality.
kuti solitary dwelling, usually isolated.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 259

 Luang Por (Thai) Venerable Father.

magga path.
mamakāra my-making.
Māra the lord of death; symbol for any root or cause for a
defilement or deluded mind-state.
mātikā matrices or lists.
mettā friendliness, goodwill, benevolence, loving-kindness.
First of four sublime abodes (brahmavihāras).
moksha (Sanskrit) liberation from the cycle of birth-death cycle.
muditā joyfulness arising from appreciating goodness,
appreciative joy, empathetic joy. Third of four sublime
abodes (brahmavihārās).

nāda (Sanskrit) ‘sound’ – referring to the silence behind sounds; used as

a meditation object.
Nibbāna the extinguishing of the ‘fires’ of greed, hatred,
(Sanskrit: nirvāna) and delusion.
nimitta sign, often associated with mental images that may arise
in meditation.

ovāda exhortation.

pah (Thai) forest.

papañca mental proliferation.
pāramī cultivations, virtues, perfections, blessings.
(Sanskrit: pāramitā)
phala fruit (referring to the result that arises from the ripening
of kamma).
phassa contact.
pong (Thai) swamp.

260 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
prung daeng Literally: ‘seasoning and dressing up’, refers to the
(Thai) inclination of proliferation, blowing thoughts out
of proportion.
pūjā: Literally: ‘act of honouring’, the ritual of making
offerings and chanting to the Buddha, Dhamma,
and Sangha.

Rōshi ( Japanese): Literally: ‘old master’, an experienced teacher with

great wisdom.
rūpa/rūpaṁ form (or bodily form).

saddhā confidence, conviction, faith, trust.

sakkāyadiṭṭhi personality view.
samādhi unification of mind, collectedness.
samaṇa contemplative, renunciant.
samaṇa saññā the perception of being a renunciant.
sāmanera novice.
sammā attuned, holistic, appropriate, skilful, ‘right’ (not
opposed to ‘wrong’ but standing on its own merit,
leading to the wholesome).
sammā samādhi right collectedness, the eighth factor of the Noble
Eightfold Path.
sampajañña clear comprehension, full awareness, clear knowing.
saṁsāra The repeated ‘round of rebirth’ – the cycle of birth,
growth, ageing, and death without end that chains
beings to existence.
saṅkhāra/ activities, formations, fabrications, programs (by
saṅkhārā analogy with computer programs). Referring both
(sing./plural) to the volitional activity of ‘forming’ things, and the
things formed. As the fourth khandha (aggregate),
it is primarily mental. Deeply conditioned habitual
reactions of the mind.
saṅkhata conditioned.
shikantāza ( Japanese) choiceless awareness.
sīla moral integrity.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 261

 sīlabbata-parāmāsa attachment to systems and customs, attachment to
rituals and techniques.
shishya (Sanskrit) disciple.
sop arom (Thai) know the mood of the mind.
sukha pleasant, happy, joyful, at ease, peaceful.
sutta discourse, teaching by the Buddha or one of his
(Sanskrit: sutra) contemporary disciples.

taṇhā craving, desire. Literally ‘thirst’. The cause of

suffering, as defined in the Four Noble Truths.
Theravāda Literally: ‘The word or speech of the Elders’.
toraman (Thai) frustration.

uddhacca restlessness, excitement.

upekkhā Literally: ‘to watch over’, to observe without
bias, equanimity. Fourth of four sublime abodes
(brahmavihāras).
Uposatha Observance Day (corresponding to the phases of
(Thai: wan phra) the moon) on which Buddhists gather to reaffirm
precepts, listen to the Dhamma, and practise
meditation.

vedanā feelings.
vibhava-taṇhā desire to get rid of something, one of the three types
of craving that cause suffering.
vicikicchā persistent doubt.
vipāka result (of kamma).
Vinaya the monastic discipline. Early Buddhist scripture and
subsequent commentaries referring to appropriate
monastic conduct.
wat (Thai) monastery

A note on The words, ‘Ajahn’ and ‘Luang Por,’ are not titles;
honorifics they’re honorifics used in Thailand, connotating
respect, endearment, and honouring the person
addressed.

262 T H E C O N T E M P L A T I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
 AJAHN VIR ADHAMMO

Ajahn Viradhammo was born in Germany in 1947 to Latvian

refugee parents. They moved to Toronto, Canada, when he was
four years old. As a child, Ajahn had experiences of deep silence,
which kindled a curiosity that went beyond the mundane. This
curiosity expressed itself as a yearning to travel.
While living in India in 1971, he was introduced to the teachings
of the Buddha, which culminated in Ajahn being accepted into the
Bhikkhu Sangha of the Thai Forest Tradition. He was ordained at
Wat Nong Pah Pong Monastery in Northeast Thailand under the
guidance of Luang Por Chah, an accomplished meditation master
and teacher of great renown.
After a visit to his family in Canada in 1977, he was asked by Luang
Por Chah to join Luang Por Sumedho at the Hampstead Vihara in
London, UK. Subsequently, he played an active role in establishing
several monasteries in England – Cittaviveka Forest Monastery at
Chithurst, Aruna Ratanagiri Forest Monastery at Harnham, and
Amaravati Buddhist Monastery at Hemel Hempstead.
Thereafter, Ajahn Viradhammo was invited to establish
Bodhinyānārāma Monastery in New Zealand where he served as
abbot. In 2002, he moved to Ottawa, Canada, to care for his elderly
mother until her demise in 2011. During this time, he was invited to
establish Tisarana Buddhist Monastery in Perth, Ontario, Canada,
where he now resides full-time, leading the spiritual community as
abbot and senior monk.

AJAHN VIRADHAMMO 265

NOTES
NOTES
T H E C O N T E M P L AT I V E ’ S C O M PA N I O N
R EFLECTIONS ON PR ESENCE
AJAHN VIR ADHAMMO

2024 © TISAR ANA BUDDHIST MONASTERY

ISBN: 978-0-9951700-5-6

THIS BOOK IS OFFERED FOR FREE DISTRIBUTION

PLE ASE DO NOT SELL THIS BOOK

COV ER , BOOK DE SIGN A N D FOR M AT T I NG :

NICHOL A S H A LLIDAY . H A LLIDAY BOOK [Link]

I L LUST R AT IONS: M A R SH A STON EHOUSE

LUA NG POR LIEM PHOTOGR A PH P 156: SOMK ID

A N Y T R A NSL AT ION OF T H IS T E X T

MUST BE DERIV ED FROM THE ORIGINAL ENGLISH.

FO R P E R M I S S I O N TO R E P R I N T, T R A N S L AT E O R P U B L I S H T H I S

CON T EN T I N A N Y FOR M AT OR M EDI A PL E A SE CON TAC T

T I S A R A N A BU DDH I S T MON A S T E RY.

(OFFICE@TISA R A N A .CA )

T H IS WOR K IS L ICENSED UN DER T H E CR E AT I V E COM MONS

AT T R I B U T I O N - N O N C O M M E R C I A L- N O D E R I VAT I V E S

4 .0 I N T ER N AT ION A L L ICENSE

THIS EDITION PR IN TED IN THE C A N A DA , 2024

 This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-
NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
To view a copy of this license, visit: [Link]/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons

Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.
YO aUcopy
To view A RofEthis
F Rlicense,
E E Tvisit
O
[Link]

You are free to:

• Copy and redistribute the material in any medium or format.
• copy and redistribute the material in any medium or format
The licensor cannot revoke these freedoms as long as you follow the li-
cense terms. The licensor cannot revoke these freedoms as long as you follow the license terms.
Under the following terms:
• Attribution: YouUnder
must givethe following
appropriate terms:
credit, provide a link to the
license, and indicate if changes were made. You may do so in any rea-
sonable manner, but not in any way that suggests the licensor en-
dorses you or your
• ATuse.T R I BU T ION: You must give appropriate credit, provide a link to the license
• Non-Commercial: You may not use the material for commercial pur-
poses. and indicate if changes were made.
• No Derivatives: If you remix, transform, or build upon the material,
You may do so in any reasonable manner,
you may not distribute the modified material.
but not in any way that suggests the licensor
endorses
• No additional restrictions: Youyou
mayor notyour
apply use.
legal terms or techno-
logical measures that legally restrict others from doing anything the
license permits.
Notices: • NON - COM M ERCI A L : You may not use the material for commercial purposes.
You do not have to comply with the license for elements of the material
in the public domain or where your use is permitted by an applicable excep-
tion or limitation.
No warranties are • given.
NO DER I VATmay
The license I Vnot If you
E S:give remix,
you all transform, or build upon the material,
of the per-
missions necessary for your intended use. For example, other rights such as
yourights
publicity, privacy, or moral maymay notlimit
distribute
how you usethe
the modified
material. material.

• NO A DDI T ION A L R E ST R IC T IONS: You may not apply legal terms or

technological measures that legally restrict others from doing anything
the license permits.

NOTICES
You do not have to comply with the license for elements of the material in the public
domain or where your use is permitted by an applicable exception or limitation.
No warranties are given. The license may not give you all of the permissions necessary
for your intended use. For example, other rights such as publicity, privacy, or moral
rights may limit how you use the material.
This book is based on a meditation retreat organised by the
Ottawa Buddhist Society and taught by Ajahn Viradhammo
during the COVID-19 pandemic. His wise and gentle
teachings, offered before vaccines were announced, were an
inspiration during those trying and tumultuous times. His
reflections skilfully guided participants away from heavy
and negative mind states that were prevalent at that time.

Setting aside conventional analysis and lists, Ajahn

Viradhammo presents his reflections on presence as a
companion to all contemplatives. He speaks from his own
experience, uses everyday language, and cites familiar
metaphors to generate deeper understanding and
compassion. Ajahn’s teachings hold out touchstones that
guide readers in a straightforward, intuitive manner, encour-
aging us to awaken to what IS, moment to moment.