Mine:
The picture details the process of making fish products.
Overall, this procedure begins with delivering caught fishes to factories, and they are converted to consumable
products including a number of steps. After all, they are sold in a fish shop.
Original:
The process details the steps by which smoked fish is produced.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that smoking fish can be divided into 3 main stages
beginning with catching and transportation, followed by storage and processing, and finally further storage and
transportation to fish shops for retail.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. Use of “By which”
2. “Looking from an overall perspective” instead of “Overall”
3. Use of “it is readily apparent that”
4. Divided into X stages beginning with …..,
5. followed by ……, - next, after
Mine:
The picture details the process by which the leather products are produced.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that this procedure divided into a number of stages
beginning with delivering animal skin to the factories, followed by manufacturing the commodity, and finally
further delivery to the factories for use.
Original:
The diagram details the process by which leather products are made for retail. Looking from an overall
perspective, it is readily apparent that there are 3 main steps to this entirely man-made process beginning
with initial transportation of the raw material to the factory, followed by preparation and processing of the
material, and finally the production of consumer products.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. use of “retail”
2. “entirely man-made”
3. initial transportation `of`
Mine:
The picture details the process of recycling plastic bottles for use.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that there are three stages beginning with collecting
used bottles, followed by reproducing and recycling them in the factories including several stages, and finally
producing useable product.
Original:
The diagram detailed above delineates how plastic bottles are recycled. Looking from an overall
perspective, it is readily apparent that this circular process is comprised of 3 main stages including initial
collection and sorting, followed by processing and cleaning, and finally reconstitution into a novel material
for further usage.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. use of “above”
2. delineate (v) – describe, mark something
3. use of “this circular process”
4. comprise of – include, account for
5. including initial ….
Mine:
The picture detailed above delineates the production of sugar from sugar cane.
Looking from the overall perspective, it is readily apparent that this process comprised of three main stages
including initial nurturing and growing, followed by crushing and cleaning the collected crops, and finally
storage the ready product.
Original:
The process shows how sugar is made from the sugar cane plant. Looking from an overall perspective, it is
readily apparent that this natural and man-made process involves 3 main stages beginning with initial
harvesting, followed by a chemical transformation, and finally separation into the end product of sugar.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. use of this natural and man-made process
2. chemical transformation
3. separation
Mine:
The picture detailed above delineate how the clothes are made by bottles.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that this process comprised of three main stages to
produce man-made product including initial bringing bottles to the factories, followed by converting bottles
into yarn and finally producing clothes through ready materials.
Original:
The diagram delineates the process by which plastic bottles can be reused in the manufacturing of clothing.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that there are 3 main stages to this entirely man-
made process firstly involving the collection and sorting of bottles, followed by cleaning and processing, and
finally the actual production of clothes.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. … delineates the process by which …
2. Reused
3. Firstly involving
Mine:
The picture detailed above delineates by which the process of liquid chocolate is made by cocoa beans.
Looking an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that this entirely man-made process comprised of three
stages firstly including yielding the plant, followed by transporting to the factories and finally converting into
liquid form.
Original:
The process illustrated above details how cocoa beans are harvested in order to produce liquid chocolate.
Looking from an overall perspective, it is readily apparent that this combination of a man-made and natural
process involves 3 main stages beginning with the collection and initial treatment of the beans followed by
transportation and final processing in a factory.
What did I learn from this introduction:
1. Harvested – the time of the year that crops are collected
2. Combination of man-made and natural process
The illustrations detail the production process of tomato ketchup.
Overall, three are three main stages to this entirely man-made
process, starting with initial harvesting and transportation to the
factory, followed by preparation and processing, and finally
packaging and delivering.
The whole process begins when …..
Once v1+ed,