Hey. If you don’t already know who I am, my name is Rich Giovanni Wan.

I’ve spent the last 10 years coaching men and women “underground” to meet their ideal
partners or learn how to date on their hero’s journey while working at Fortune 500 companies
like Google, Reuters and many others. I had to use pseudonyms for many years because of my
“professional” roles.

I wasn’t always good with dating and the subject of women. In fact, I was a super late bloomer.
Here I am right out of college, and remained a virgin until 23:

And here I am 5 years later:

The journey wasn’t easy, but what took me years to learn can now be transferred to you in a few
weeks. I left my corporate job a few months ago and am dedicating my life to helping you
succeed in dating.

Not too long ago, I was a terrible texter. I had finally got to a point where I could meet girls, start
a great conversation, and get solid numbers.
But, I was always lost when it came to messages. I would lose girls that would otherwise be super
interested in me with bad texts, bad first messages, or stupid replies on dating apps.

It got to a point where it got ridiculous. Girls who liked me stopped messaging me because my
replies were SO BAD… I had on my desktop a folder with all the beautiful women that I missed
out on… because of my dumb messages. This served as a painful reminder of what I needed to fix.

The good news for you is that this kicked off a journey for me to master my “writing” when it
came to dating. I wanted to be SO GOOD at messaging, that even girls that were on the fence or
even slightly repelled by me, would eventually meetup.

It took me about 1.5 years to get decently good, and about 3 years to get really good.

At the time… something “clicked”, and it felt like magic. Girls would call me, setup dates, or send
me multiple messages on dating apps. Texts are way easier because you hit a “tipping point”
where she gets it, like, “this guy understands women and he’s attractive”. Here’s an example of a
girl doing the chasing:

With online messages, girls initiate and reply faster and with more effort:
I learned to write my profile in a way that elicits messages from girls on the fence or are
somewhat interested:
So how to you get to this level without spending years like I did?

Well, the universal law of attraction is – always seek the truth in your interactions.

Clients get confused when I say this, but I will leave this thought to percolate in your mind like a
good Zen master.

Come back to it.

“Always seek the truth in your interactions.”

Eventually the secret will be revealed to you as you continue on this journey.

For now, I’m going to give you the category of messages that work and tested with hundreds of
clients.

Category 1: First messages

A first message is the initiation of contact. It is very important because most guys get this wrong.
Their preconceived notions about what “dating” should be like, or what they think the girl is
feeling, is often incorrect or misleading at best.

Guidelines for 1st message:

 Don’t take value, give value

 Statements > questions
 As you improve, you can replace statements with light teases
 Don’t go sexual, as you improve, use plausible deniability.
 If you must ask something, it must be genuine and not generic (other guys saying the
same thing)
 You can choose a cute / flirting frame depending on your instincts about the type of girl
she is. Don’t worry, you’ll get better at reading this as you improve
 In beginner mode, the most important thing about first messages is don’t make any
glaring mistakes. As you gain mastery, you want to tailor first messages to your own authentic
qualities, while reading the type of girl she is, and taking your best “bet” as to the truth between
your connection with her

The most important thing about the first message is – don’t make any stupid mistakes that 95%
of guys make. Give her a chance to see if she likes you, and stand out a bit from the crowd. You
want to quickly demonstrate, without showing that you put in too much effort, that you’re
interested and you’re a guy of high value.

I know right now it may seem paradoxical – “I’m spending so much effort to appear like I didn’t
put in much effort…” but eventually you will get better at this.

The game is full of these paradoxes, and you must train your mind to accept contradicting ideas
and test them out for yourself to find the truth.

Becoming better at a skill will mean that you can execute it with less and less conscious thought
and still hit the right notes in your messaging.

The best first messages are based on some truth in her profile that other guys haven’t noticed.
For now, here are some you can train with. Think of these as training wheels. As you grow you
will develop your own that are more congruent to who you are.

Examples of first messages:

“Your profile reminded me of a girl I knew back in high school who loved horses. I’m going to
guess you’re an animal lover. Except zebras. I hate zebras”

“The other girls on this site scare me, but you seem cool”

“You seem interesting. What’s one thing about you that people can’t tell just by looking at your
pictures?”

Category 2: Follow up messages

Follow up messages establish a few goals, depending on what SHE needs:

- More comfort. She needs to know a little more about you and the situation
- More attraction. She’s on the fence about your attractiveness from your photos
- Moving things forward. She’s interested, and seeing if you can lead
- A rare 4th is, if she thinks you’re a player, this is where she “tests” you
- Sometimes, the girl will lead, but this is rare.

Understanding how to diagnose where she’s at is one of the keys to good message game.

To understand her, you must learn to read the subtext of what she’s saying.
I often ask myself “what is she really saying and how might she be feeling?” Keep asking this
question until you feel like you understand women. I still ask myself this question every day, and
in my interview with Zan Perrion, whom many consider a master, he told me, “every day I learn
more in the land of women. I am forever a student”

If she needs more comfort, ask her a genuine or serious question, or reply to hers. But ask it in a
cool way. You can also provide her with some vulnerability about yourself.

Examples:

“You mentioned you read a lot. What’s the last good book you read? I loved Great Expectations”

“Cool. Did you grow up in LA and if so, any stereotypes that ring true? My dad was a diplomat so
I grew up in 4 countries over 12 years”

Comfort based messages let her know who you are in an attractive frame, and gives her a chance
to tell you about her. It also lets her ask the questions she needs to ask you to feel more
comfortable. It is important as a man to lead, unless she takes the reigns, which again is rarer for
women.

If she needs more attraction, you need to spike things a bit. A picture meme, a joke, or
something that shows your personality. I once told a girl “2/3.” To her comment in her profile
“tesla, big house in LA, and a Labrador” and she was really excited, “oh really good for you!” and
continued to write me for 2 paragraphs.

You have to find a way to establish value quickly, if she’s on the fence on attraction.

One time, I sent a girl a link to a Tik Tok video I made. “hey, this is what I’m working on [LINK]”
and that established the strong connection.

Giving her evidence of your life in a way that hits attraction triggers is the best way to go if she is
looking for more attraction.

If her reply messages indicate that she likes you, you move things forward. Go off the app/site
and get a number.

In quarantine, get the number first, and send her a Zoom/Google hangout invite or get her email
and send invites. Occasionally, some women prefer email or Whatsapp because they’ve had
problems with guys stalking her number, so be respectful of this. An easy ask is, “how do you
best keep in touch with new friends” and let her dictate the platform of communication. I always
try to get off the app as soon as possible, because the sooner this happens, the sooner she can
differentiate you from “just another guy from a dating app I can delete”.
The 4th one is a test. Your profile may seem too “player-ish”. What she’s trying to ask you is – is
she wasting her time or is she going to get hurt.

Usually, unless you’re a real player, you either address her issue or blow it out of proportion as a
joke. For example,

“Do you say that to every girl on here?”

The proper reply would be:

“Of course not. Why do you ask?”

Or, you can joke about it and say,

“Yes I send that message to everyone including my mom on Sundays.

I like our conversation so far… [next question/statement]”

You have to reassure her that, “yes, I’m a guy who gets attention from girls, but right now I’m
focused on our conversation and I like you so far.”

If the girl is leading, she’s the hunter. Just provide the right answers and don’t say anything too
stupid, and you’re good to go. Again, this is rare unless you look like the top 5% of male models
or she really like your “image”, or some other reason that we cannot know just from her profile.
(i.e. she’s got an Asian fetish)

You now know how the 5 categories of messages work depending on what the woman needs.

There are 4 modes of responses from girls:

1. No response
2. Lame response
3. Moderate response
4. Amazing response

No response just means she’s either busy, not interested, or no longer dating. Don’t take this
personally. You can re-initiate in 1-2 weeks with value message.

Sometimes I like to up the ante a bit and make it more fun.

Examples are high risk but engaging texts are:

“Hey just wondering what do tell the kids about our separation. Btw the dog is great, just took
him for a walk”

“Hey, about the send a search and rescue party for a girl named ___”

And, at advanced levels, these 2 texts are risky but sometimes elicit funny responses:

“Aliens are coming tomorrow to abduct all the good looking people. I’m just texting to say
goodbye. Don’t worry you’ll be fine”

“The zookeeper says they can’t let me in. Can you escape? I’d love to hangout”

Category 3: Leading the interaction forward

Eventually… a person “clicks”.

Something happens where they now BELIEVE you’re a man of VALUE. They WANT to meet you.

This happens with men towards women too. Sometimes, she’s just “that hot” but most of the
time, it’s the feeling of, “ok, I want to get to know her more”

When this happens, you will feel the energy shift. Like a buyer who’s now ready to buy a car, the
conversation will move towards a close.

You can lead and assume a close, but you want to do it in a smooth way, never be too far ahead
of the prospect.

An easy way to test compliance is to ask a question that leads to an event:

“I’m about to start a monthly event to watch a new movie release on the first week of each
month with some chill, symptom free friends of mine. PM me if you want to join”

“I’m about to start a weekly event to film tik tok videos in this quarantine with a few chill,
symptom free friends of mine. PM me if you want to join”

“What are your thoughts and skill level when it comes to video calls?”

If she needs more, I usually send high value texts based on our conversation so far.
For example, “I remember you like writing. Just read something that’s right up your alley. Let me
know if you’re curious and I’ll send it to you”

If there is compliance, a simple invite will do:

“This sat, you’re invited to our pillow fighting in our bedroom. Jk. We’re going to shoot some fun
tik tok videos, you should come I have a concept with you in mind”

Or,

“I am cooking some lasagna with my roommate this Friday, if you’re tired of eating the same
thing every day come over and join us.”. If she replies, add “bring snacks. Here’s the address”.
This gives her a little adventure to accomplish.

Complications & how to troubleshoot

In uncommon events, sometimes complications arise. Here are some troubleshooting issues I’d
dealt with helping students below. Remember that when it comes to online dating, there’s
plenty of fish in the sea. The idea is to recognize red flags early, validate your hypothesis, and
move on. Or, if you really like her profile, quickly get some data that confirms she’s not a “red
flag” case.

She’s afraid of the virus

This is a somewhat normal fear and you need to decide for yourself if you’re only video/virtual
dating, or available to meet in person. It’s perfectly fine if you virtually date her until you know
her better and go from there. Be wary of girls that are irrationally afraid, which may reflect her
fear in other areas. Otherwise, go ahead and setup a video chat.

She disappears for a long time

There are many reasons for this, and I’m guilty of it myself. It’s possible she’s not feeling like
meeting anyone. Maybe busy with work. Sometimes she already has a lot of options. Generally
speaking, there are certain moments when certain girls are more active, and the texts in this
guide will help you connect with her while she’s attentive. If you’ve moved onto category 2 type
messages and she still disappears for 1-2 weeks at a time, chances are she’s not super
interested, but keep the chat going and see where it goes. I would not, however, over-invest in
this type of girl.
She’s overly complimentary

Sometimes girls are really nervous, or she thinks your way above her league and they
complement you a little too much. You have to decide if you want to deal with this. If you do,
you want to get on a call or a date that moves her past her nervous zone to seeing you as “a
normal, real person”. That’s the way to see how she really is. Celebrities often have this problem,
such as Dave Navarro, who asked Neil Strauss (AKA “Style”) for help. Style’s advice to him was,
“quickly establish rapport and build comfort, you already have massive attraction.’ In fact, a lot
of celebrity game is breaking past the facade and letting her know you’re a real person.

Rarely, over complimenting represents a catfish who’s just messing with you, or trying to get you
to meet them.

Feels like a catfish

Photos of catfish’s usually look too good to be true, and there is incongruence in their profile
description with their pictures. A simple, “are you a real person?” or “what’s your Instagram?”
will do to filter these out.

I can’t tell if she’s teasing or really giving me a hard time

Be wary of girls that overly test you. She’s either looking for validation, angry at people and
taking it out on you, or overly insecure.

Generally, 1-2 tests are fine and you know how to handle this from earlier in the guide. But, if
the tests are constant and non-stop, you want to say “next” quickly. If a girl can’t learn to be
easy-going with you from the beginning, chances of this changing is very rare.

Types of Trouble Girls

The long response type

Girls that type long responses are generally into you, so this is a good sign. However, if she writes
too much, all the time, this can be a red flag. I generally experience this with younger girls, who
can’t believe they matched with me and keep texting / messaging throughout the night. Maybe
she’s bored, or really excited to meet you.

I generally keep a strong boundary, and setup a chat to get to know her more. If your goal is
simply to hookup, you can frame the conversation towards a meet. But, recognize when she’s
just aching to have someone to talk to, and be wary of becoming a “listener victim” of someone
who simply needs an ear. We call these “emotional vampires”. Avoid at all costs. Even if she
trades sex for your time, it’s usually not worth it long term.
The very serious relationship type

There’s nothing wrong with a girl in her late 20s or 30s to list “I’m looking for serious
relationships”, but sometimes you see a profile that reiterates this multiple times. “No hookups!
No players! I’m not sending you nudes!”

These type of girls usually have had some bad experiences with guys, which is understandable.
What you want to avoid is engaging with them if that’s not what you’re looking for. Also, be on
the lookout for other psychology signs as to why this is such a big factor in her profile. Normal
girls who are looking for serious relationships only have to mention it once.

The group photo girls

Whether this is a lack of empathy for the user (you), or trying to hide the fact that she’s not the
most attractive one of her group, the group photo girl is hard to decide on, because you don’t
know what she looks like!

I generally swipe left if all her photos are group photos. It either shows a lack of “putting yourself
out there”, or, often, she’s the least attractive one in the group and it is a bit deceptive. It’s also
possible she’s just not that clever or hasn’t thought about things from the user’s perspective.
Either way, next. Plenty of fish in the sea.

The social media validation girl

This girl is on the app/site to gain followers. She usually has something like, “not on here much,
catch me on IG @XX”

These type of girls almost NEVER make it out to a date. You may be able to engage her IG, but
it’s unlikely unless you are an IG influencer too. I usually avoid unless I’m running a long term
high value social circle campaign. One time I met this real model / IG influencer Celeste at the
playboy mansion after getting her IG at the airport on a flight back to LA. But this is a rare
exception.

The adult cam girls

These are easy to spot. The usually have a snap ID and are extremely sexual, and the photos
appear to be catfished. This never ends well. Move on.

The trans catfish

Trans girls have gotten VERY good at posting great photos that appear attractive. Be sure to
scroll through all the photos and if you’re even somewhat suspect, swipe left, or ask if they have
had a gender role change. This is a huge time waste.
The overweight catfish

If the girl only has face photos, or photos where the angle prevents you from getting a sense of
her body type, the majority of the time she’s overweight. Some guys are into that, or don’t mind,
but be wary if that’s not what you’re looking for.

I look for signs of her shoulder, since this gives me an idea of her body proportions, but don’t be
afraid to ask for an Instagram or Facebook or Tik Tok and find out more. If unsure, just ask her
for a recent full body picture. You can do it nicely. “Hey I’m just wondering since I have all my
pictures up if you have a picture where I can actually see your whole person!” If she refuses, I
would suggest moving on.

The overly qualifying girl

This girl asks you a million questions, like she’s checking off a list and misses all the human
connection. While sometimes these girls are fine in person, they treat online dating like a job
interview and take the emotions out of it.

At some point I will write, “hey, I understand you’ve got high standards, and I commend you for
that. I’m a pretty normal, cool guy. I have a great job, love my friends, as you can see from my
pictures, this is how I look. Let me know if you want to get on a call or date”.

Don’t fall into the trap of continuing to qualify for this type of girl. Even though she’s qualifying,
she will lose respect for you and rationalize that you didn’t fit her criteria. Also, being in a
relationship, even a purely sexual one with these type of girls is emotionally draining.

They treat everyone mechanically and it doesn’t feel human.

The overly shy girl

Introverts, overly shy girls will want to talk to you for a long time before giving a number or
agreeing to meet. This depends on whether you like to lead and comfort someone, and whether
the effort is worth it. Sometimes, these girls are super cute.

However, I’ve grown to realize that there are more beautiful girls out there who’s made the
effort to put themselves out there and learn social skills, so I avoid this type depending on my
opportunity cost, which is usually quite high.

The high maintenance girl

Photos in high end restaurants, famous travel destinations, elegant food, elegant dresses.
Usually, they come from wealthy families, or just have expensive taste. Sometimes they are cool
people but you’ll have to find out, and it usually isn’t cheap. This is a generalization but I find an
over emphasis on travel and material things usually leads to a woman who seeks validation in
external forces, and it’s usually a pain to deal with in a relationship.

The DTF girl

To the point, ready to meet, authentic, and moves things forward. This girl is ready. You don’t
need to tease her, say something crazy, or try to be “cool”. Just move things forward and meet.

All her messages will move towards a meet, be about logistics, or ask you genuine questions to
make sure you’re not a “red flagger” or creep.

All you have to do here is answer her questions, and don’t any anything stupid.

The gold digger

Girls on certain sites are straight up looking for a sugar daddy or a rich guy. Usually they are quite
obvious, having the “high maintenance girl” pictures and something in their profile that says “I
only like way older men”

Avoid at all costs, unless you want to be a sugar daddy.

P.S. There is a way to run Sugar Daddy game at a very high level at low cost, which I’ve perfected
and taught my high end clients. Usually this fits 30+ age range. I perfected this funnel because I
was working all the time at my startup, and we wanted to have consistent, predictable dates. It’s
a little more expensive than regular dating, but not much, and it’s super-efficient and allowed
me to focus only on work without worrying about when the next date will come from. For more
on this, checkout the 1 on 1 coaching here.

The party girl

She’s usually 420 friendly, has pictures at clubs, bottle service, Coachella, and is living the “party
phase” out. This is great if you’re in the same boat, but terrible if you’re a more chill type of guy.
You won’t be able to match her vibe, and after a while it can get exhausting. Engage at your own
risk. If you are a party central type of guy, you need to provide her with “access”. This is quite
easy if you know how to procure party favors or access to exclusive events.

There are different party “scenes”. The festival, light drug scene, the club scene, the model
apartment / after-party scene, and these groups change depending on the city. Usually, at least
light drugs are involved, which I do not engage in. Unfortunately, this is one of the vices of the
party scene. I personally developed a strong tolerance and self-discipline to avoid all alcohol and
drugs, and I worked out a way to talk about meditating to the vibe of the music that worked for
me. Generally, though, I don’t enjoy hanging out with the party girl for more than a few weeks. It
gets exhausting, and validation is usually sought out externally.
The tease

This is a very dangerous type of girl who I’ve only met a handful of times in the last decade. They
will give you compliments and engage you, only at the last moment disengage. You will see a
slight satisfaction and smile as they disengage.

They will try to lure you in as you try to distance yourself, their fuel is your interest and
engagement. The way to spot these girls is to test her 2-3 times. If she shows interest, then pulls
away at the last second more than 3 times, block her altogether.

Usually these type of people seek validation and they feed off of it. And once you’re in that trap,
you’ll feel used and consumed and lied to.

The conversation usually goes something like this,

“let’s go on a date to this restaurant, I like it”

“I’m not ready to date you yet”

“Come to this bar”

“Sorry I’m with this guy”

“I like you.” (Then goes to talk to another guy flirtatiously)

“I don’t like that you do this…”

On dating apps, they will give you a compliment and then insult / hard tease you the next. This is
ok 1 or maybe 2 times, but if it becomes an ongoing pattern and it feels “unwarranted”, be on
the lookout for a tease.

Final Thoughts

You now know how to send first messages, how to manage a girl’s “buying cycle”, and how to
handle different types of “stalls” that can happen in courtship on text. You also got a sense of
problems that arise and the type of girls to avoid online.

These messages have worked for me and my students over 90% of the time, and they will work
for you if you understand the underlying principles.

Now, if you want to learn more about how to increase your response and match rates even
more, and to really blow up your profile so girls start messaging you first, checkout our digital
dating abundance program here. It will help you build a while online funnel during this pandemic
to attract girls you actually want for dates.
To your happiness and success,

-Rich Giovanni Wan

Master Coach @ High Integrity Skills