Pastorela Script: A Comedic Nativity Play
Pastorela Script: A Comedic Nativity Play
List:
THE BAD ONES THE GOOD ONES THE SHEPHERDS THE STARS Technical support:
FIRST ACT.
Good evening dear audience, family, gossipers and gatecrashers, who I don't think are here, since this is an event
Very select, of pure VIP people. Let me tell you that we are once again managing what is the fund collection.
and the fainting, which we hardly like, oh yes. Well, since this is serious. Today we will present
before you is a story that everyone knows very well, although this time it will be told in a different way. In
Our story, there are shepherds and shepherdesses but they do not sell tamales, tamales or picadillo turnovers.
Oh, sorry, I was saying there are mischievous little devils, I'm sorry but the budget didn't allow us to hire
Derbez, not even the Longe Mocoooo... there will be angels but not the ones from Charly with the drop in oil prices and the devaluation.
We don't even have a cheap copy of Samy in terms of weight, but we do have local celebrities, including the actor from
a town to Juan Pablo, already very well known for his famous interpretation as Juan Diego in the representation.
of the Virgin of Guadalupe, they are all actors, they are inexperienced but have a lot of spark (besides, not
they will fight against all kinds of temptations to reach Bethlehem and worship a child who is the
hope of the world, the hope of the family and that will make love be born in our hearts and hopefully it
let it show you the importance of being together as a family during these dates... (cries
... Well, I'm starting to get melancholic and I look like a sad person. I already did my monologue, do you want it?
monologue.... They want a monologue... ooooh I say... ooh I say... yeah yeah yeah!!!! My fame is rising
I was supposed to present. They brought me for that. Well, to wrap up, I want you to enjoy this.
history but, above all, have fun. Take your seats, get comfortable, grab your popcorn and
Enjoy this shepherd's play. Have fun! Let's begin.
ESCENA 1: Se abre el telón. Belén. Gabriel va a anunciarle a María que dará a luz a un niño. María en escena
embroidery, José working. Stable.
Angelic music
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GABRIEL: (Enters) Hail, Mary you have a message, Blessed are you Mary, you have been chosen.
MARÍA: (Surprised) Oh, holy God! Who are you? A giant talking feathered chicken!!! Besides, you know
my name, I thought I had seen it all, those from America don't even bother anymore, they don't know what to do to have more
followers. It wasn't enough for them to buy two championships in a row, and why was I chosen to win it?
ganagol. The lottery or the melate.
GABRIEL: No, no, Mary, I don't do that, I'm part of the team, but for your lord.
Maria: My lord!!! From my Jose, he would like to go to the veterans' team of Atzalan that I see there are some here.
watching us. They can no longer even move their legs.
Gabriel: Maria, stop being reckless and listen to me!!!! Women... women... I am the archangel Gabriel and I come to
to announce that you are expecting a child... by the grace of God
MARÍA: (Frightened) A child? Oh my God! But José and I...nothing at all...as if that thing really exists.
stork or they're going to bring it to me by courier, because later the delivery person doesn't deliver the packages well.
GABRIEL: (Trying to calm her) No, María, no, don't blame José, nor will they bring him to you by package or the
The stork or the milkman, was the Holy Spirit... He's been a bit naughty these days.
José: Just like the Holy Spirit, that's how the cousin of a cousin of a friend came out with her Sunday seven, now.
It turns out that the Holy Spirit is to blame for every child born out of wedlock.
Gabriel: Don't worry, Jose, that's another story. Let's say they ate the cake before the time. Everything here is legal.
Look here is the contract ...
Jose: (reads aloud) Mary will conceive a son whom she will name Jesus... Bla bla bla bla bla And in letters
once signed, no returns are accepted.
MARÍA: (Calm) Ah, well, thank goodness! But a child, I'm not ready, I'm very young, so I will get...
Fatty, I will get stretch marks and my feet will swell.
Jose: Wow Maria, if you're like this you are kind of special, what are you complaining about... if the one who will put up with you is me Maria... because
I have to endure your midnight cravings, give you foot massages, apply your creams, pamper you on your days.
sensitive to no those not anymore fortunately, etc, etc...
Maria: José, stop it, you annoy me when you act like this, eat a Snickers.
Gabriel: Yeah... since we are not on a life issues program, nor about Laura, then they will later bring up their problems.
marital couples, our Lord God has blessed them with the birth of the child Jesus; they should be grateful, but
I understand they are human beings
Jose: you are right angel, Gabriel, Mary and I lovingly accept the birth of this blessed child.
had surprised, thrilled, shows relief and signs the contract
Maria: Let it be done to me according to your will, (she kneels and sighs) of my Lord God Almighty. And when this is born
small
GABRIEL: Your son will be born soon and people from all over the world will come to meet him.
MARÍA: It’s great that you let me know in advance, Gabi I mean Angel Gabriel, so I can clean the house! I bathed the donkey of
jose and my father-in-law's ox... (María starts cleaning the house and hurries José to help her)
Jose: Now now Maria, more respect, there are guests.
Maria: Well, my love, there is to bathe Filemon, your little donkey, and the ox that my father-in-law gave us.
GABRIEL: (Gabriel's phone rings) Well, María, José, they're calling me, I have a lot of work in heaven.
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SCENE 2: Hell. Lucifer and his minions learn of the birth of this child. The curtain rises. Lucifer in
scene, comfortably seated reading the newspaper.
Lucifer: (Reading, in slippers) Oh, what a relief it is to know that one's work is recognized! Front page, not yet.
The Ayotzinapa ones appear; another front page, Peña Nieto messed it up again, no way to help him, those politicians, can't even read.
They all keep talking about that, how it would go for Boca in its government report hahaha how many lies they must have told... but
Look, my beautiful Gaviota is doing well (Good, she says in a low voice), although we must respect her, she is first.
Lady, but with the house situation, and that she is the owner, well how. Another front page, Elba Esther and the poor teaching profession.
... Oh, I remember when we were kids, how well I got along!... I hope there are no teachers here (Pause
Dramatic. Surprise) What? How can a child be born? HOW CAN IT BE THE SON OF GOD, FROM THAT LITTLE DOVE
GOOD VIBES? From the boss of bosses, the higher-ups… Aaaaahh! (shocked) Shadú, Beelzebub, children of evil, come here
quick! It takes me the habernoooo!!!1
BEELZEBUB: Here we are, master... look, I've already learned some new steps that I learned in Zumba, furious... furious...
SHADÚ: (Trying to calm Lucifer) What's wrong with you, Lucy, why those screams? Did you forget to take your pill today?
the nerves
LUCIFER: (Showing the newspaper): What’s wrong with me? This is what’s wrong with me!
BELCEBÚ: Is Justin Bieber gay? I love him!!! Welcome to the group, that's great he came out of the closet.
SHADÚ: Is Espinoza Paz retiring? What relief for my ears
Belcebu: hello shadu how have you been…(dances and moves its little tail)
BELCEBÚ: Oh, Lucy, it even appeared in the previews of the Rose of Guadalupe! And Chapoy said it.
Shadu: I even received the notification on Facebook and Twitter since I follow Pepillo Origel. Aside from WhatsApp.
Hey Lucy, get updated... You are not in the group of the little naughty devils.
LUCIFER: (Furious, hitting them with the newspaper) No they haven't added me to the group, as always.
They discriminate against my family that I am their family. Why did the gods not tell me? (jumps startled) oh no cross cross
That less aaaaa (screams)... They are going to kill me one of these days! (In a determined tone) We have to do something to
handsome (fixes his hair, praises himself) not so smart or so divine as me... The cool little dove
It's nothing more than a little bird. (Animated) Come on, my little devils, let's go hunt shepherds!
Shadu If I take my deadliest weapon... I will annihilate them with my sensual dance!!!! (music of rabiosa....
Rabid
They take some weapons that are nearby - gossip magazines, candies, mirrors, makeup, fine clothes - and they leave from.
scene. Curtain.
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Scene 3: San Miguel Nepantla. The curtain rises. Juanita and her grandfather in the foreground. Bato, Felipe, Tila, and Gila are
in the field taking care of their flocks.
JUANITA: Grandpa, look calmly, what a beautiful day, all full of joy, joy that fills the soul!
Felipe: Well!!! And whose daughter is this!!!! She is the daughter of the cousin of the cousin of a friend!!!
seeing Teresa nor the rose of Guadalupe (Everyone in chorus Don't let the rose of Guadalupe educate youuu) nor the cellphone in the
social networks taking their famous selfies to see how many likes they get, speaking of that we need to take one
the selfie of the day (takes out his phone and takes a selfie) WITH THIS SELFIE THING THIS POOR GUY FROM THE CELE
I am out of work now that supposedly he is a DJ... Well, what was I saying... So you are not one of those... you preferred...
Since you were little, books! That's why I bought you your book 'The Age of the Sting'. By the way, have you read it yet?
JUANITA: Yes, grandfather, and I owe you that taste: it is only fair to thank you.
In chorus: OH Juanita, why aren't you a normal pastor.
GABRIEL: Greetings, shepherds! (Bato, Felipe, Gila, Tila, and Juanita's grandfather, frightened, do not know what to do or how.
responder)
Chorus: What did he say
JUANITA: (Approaching Gabriel, without fear) Hail, how are you? (Everyone looks at her with skepticism)
GABRIEL: Great! (surprised) Finally, I find someone who knows Latin...! now everyone is coming to me with the
English and French, and they don't even know how to pronounce them, with the Jonas Brothers and One Direction, now anyone knows... like that.
What was I saying... Hello, shepherds, I am the archangel Gabriel and I come to bring you news, good news.
JUANITA (to the shepherds): Come closer, friends, it is an angel, I knew it the moment I saw it: look at this muscular one, you can tell that
take your proteins and go muscle, just look at the build of that one, do not distrust me. (The shepherds se
approach).
I see why you're so fashion-forward, I can barely afford American clothes and I go to Zumba for 10.
pesos.
Gabriel: I bring you good news. A child will be born in Bethlehem of Judea, he will bring you joy and happiness: he is the son of
God. I come to announce to you that the birth will take place in a few days and that it is necessary for you to go to
where he is to praise him and fill him with gifts.
TILA (a Gila): (Surprised) Oh, yes, it's true! Do you remember, Gila, that the previews came out in the rose of Guadalupe?
(Surprised) When, sister?... (Pause, thinks for a moment) Ah, I remember! Yes, it appeared in the rose of
Guadalupe, the child was about to be born! (Felipe and Bato nod and make comments) A certain Maria published it in her
Facebook wall.
GRANDFATHER: (Trying to calm the shepherds) Well, well, we must listen to the little angel Gabriel and go see the
little boy who is to be born in these days.
JUANITA: (Excited) My spirit drives me, grandpa, to write a poem to sing the glories of heaven.
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GABRIEL: Shepherds, I'm leaving you, the boss is calling me (his phone rings): I have to arrange things for the event.
in Bethlehem go out in the best way possible. It will be a great event not with as much budget as the games
Central Americans... but of quality
GRANDFATHER: (Encouraging the shepherds) Well, well, let's go see that tender child, shepherds. (Taking
Take your blankets (and a small snack) Take your blankets, you never know how cold it can get in the desert...
with this climate change... Oh, and don't forget to bring a snack because we're going to get hungry on the way, and a
pambazo, if you have it, just in case of cravings, right?
Juanita: And we can bring some strawberry milkshakes...
Yes, because then we don't have to jariari and besides we have to go by the chicken so that he sells us a mahuix for...
celebrate.
GILA: (Excited. To Tila) Oh, friend, who would have thought that we would be invited to the event they announced on TV!
I even feel like a star!
JUANITA: (A little annoyed) The important thing, Gila and Tila, is that we are going to meet that divine being soon.
to be born to bring us peace, that beautiful child.
GRANDFATHER: (Calming the spirits) Well, well, girls, let's start making our way, blow by blow, verse by verse,
like my granddaughter Juanita...
They come on stage singing 'Come on, shepherds, come on...'. Curtain.
SECOND ACT
SCENE 1: The curtain opens. Lucifer waits in the forest for the arrival of the shepherds to tempt them for the first time.
LUCIFER: (In a commanding tone, camouflaged, with binoculars) Shadú, Beelzebub, look, look! (In a sarcastic tone)
Here come those filthy shepherds singing their beautiful Christmas carols! Sons of evil, let's get ready! Follow me the
bad!
Shadu: hey speaking of that, I already took the chapulin to the suite of evil, so that he can settle in... (They exit the scene)
Balcebu: it's true that it's already around here.
TILA: (Nodding, angry) Yes, grandfather, I've even developed calluses from walking so much! (Sits down, takes off her shoes)
and he rubs his feet. The other shepherds follow him.
FELIPE: (A bit disappointed) your feet are roaring Tila,
At least I'm not farting.
Felipe: Well, what do you want me to do? I made pambazos with meat and beans from what was left over from the government report.
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Felipe: Ah, I feel like we won't even get to see this kid and we won't have time to watch the game.
Champions! We should have brought one of those small TVs at least! (Dude nods) NOW OF APERDIS AND CELLULAR BUT NOT
ARRIVING DATA.
JUANITA: Stop complaining, friends, we will soon arrive at Bethlehem. Who needs television when the
do stars ignite the heart? Look, how beautiful everything is!
GILA: (Angry) Beautiful, beautiful! Yes, of course... Those stars are not like the ones that appear on TV, Juanita, why not
You are a normal girl! (Lamenting) What hurts me the most is that I am going to miss 'The Voice Mexico'! So good
How handsome Ricky Martin is! (Tila nods and both sigh)
(Lucifer, Shadú, and Beelzebub suddenly enter the scene, wearing dark glasses, disguised as three famous people)
singers. Background music: Living la vida loca, by Ricky Martin
LUCIFER: (Trying to imitate the Puerto Rican accent of Ricky Martin. Dressed in a suit and formal gala) Hello, guys, what do you
Are you bringing it here? Why are you all so lonely, now that it's so cold?
GILA AND TILA: (In unison, excited) Aaaah! Team Ricky!!!
BELCEBÚ: (Trying to imitate the jarocho accent as well. Wearing a blonde wig) Only my Veracruz is beautiful with the
blackout what things happen what things happen with the blackout, we arrived without warning, but it's because we are making a
casting to find the new voice of Mexico. The winner will become famous and will be able to record their album like us.
Moreover, he will sing to the child who will be born in Bethlehem.
GILA Y TILA: (In unison, excited) Ahhhh! Yuri the jarocha! You are not Christian.
SHADÚ: (Wearing a cowboy hat and some pillows under her blouse, to simulate a fake belly) Yes, and
Whoever wins is going to sing with me Julion and his norteño band (everyone together) in the palenques and we're going to have a few drinks.
(Sings) if to make me fall in love, now the cursed spring will return to me lalalalala
BELCEBÚ: (Applauding, interrupts Gila) Bravo, bravo! (to Tila) But now let her sing us something else.
interesting, not too boring but less dull...
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TILA: (Doubting) What could it be? Oh, I don't know! (pause) Well, let's see how it goes, I haven't sung it in a long time...
You're going to like it a lot, Yuri! (Starts singing and dancing, today I'm going to change it up like Lupita D'Alessio) I'M SORRY MY
I haven't felt anything for a long time when doing it with you.
BELCEBÚ: (Angrily, interrupts Tila) What do you mean I'm going to like it? I don't sing that, that bland fat woman sings it.
from Lupe! You are disqualified!
TILA: (In a complaining tone) It's not fair! I wanted to win!
SHADÚ: (Shouting and cheering for Felipe) Well, they sing only songs that nobody knows... let's see you, the one with the
little bigots and you, the short one hiding, let's hit one of those that stick, from my buddy Espinoza
Peace! (Takes off the hat, puts it on Felipe)
FELIPE: (They start singing "Next Friday" while Gila and Tila chant with their hands up) Don't walk with
no one, please!
SHADÚ: (Excited, forgetting that she is playing a role) Oh, boss, let them win!
LUCIFER: (Angry, intervenes immediately) Come on, Julion, I'm not your boss! Come on, come on, well, for me they have...
he won the last two, the short one and the one with the mustache. That, well, we haven't heard from the strange girl who has
Instead of singing, I'm putting you to read a book... (to Juanita, pulling her to take the book out of her hands) Come on, let's go,
SHADÚ: (Frightened) Yes, Gabriel, it’s us! (to Lucifer) See, boss, I told you they were going to catch us, but,
good...!
JUANITA: (Calmly, she approaches Belcebú from behind. She addresses Gabriel) Dear angel, divine messenger, in
You say that these are nothing but demons, I have read the testimonies and, look, everything makes sense: (begins to
describe the demons reading their book while Gabriel touches each part that Juanita lists) a very long tail,
horns of an ox, smell of sulfur, red the color of the skin...
GRANDFATHER: (to Juanita, reconsidering) Oh, my daughter, you are right! They are nothing but professional troublemakers!…
It prevented me from seeing the signs, but, clearer than water!
LUCIFER: (to Grandpa, angry) Shut up, old man, you see nothing and know nothing!
GRANDFATHER: (to Lucifer, in a challenging tone) Old? Me? The hills are old and they green again, stinky bug! (to Gabriel)
Come on, little Gabriel, take these rascals away so we can continue our way to Bethlehem...
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GABRIEL: (In a conciliatory tone) Dear elder, that is what I will do, but first, let me call my reinforcements.
(pause, whistles, calls out loudly to the archangels) ¡RAFAEL! ¡MIGUEL!
RAFAEL AND MIGUEL: (enter the scene, bringing a club, handcuffs, sunglasses, and a police hat. In unison)
YES, SIR!
GABRIEL: (He addresses them) Help me take these liars to hell.
Lucifer, Beelzebub, and Shadú exit the scene)… My dear shepherds, you were almost caught in the claws of that monster.
Do not fall into temptation, the devil has many traps and can continue to tempt you in many ways. I
I will take care of you for as long as I can, but I can't be behind you all the time... (the Star of Bethlehem enters)
Follow this little star, it will guide you to where you need to go: please do not lose sight of it. (pause, the shepherds)
They sit down and thank Gabriel for saving them. Gabriel's phone rings) Oh, duty calls!
Curtain. The shepherds sing: 'Come on, shepherds, let's go to Bethlehem...'
SCENE 2. The curtain rises. The shepherds sing, no longer with much enthusiasm, 'Come on, shepherds, let's go.' Even the
star, that accompanies them, is tired. The demons are hidden behind some bushes and steal the food from the
shepherds' backpacks.
BATO: (Tired, to the grandfather) Hey, grandpa, do you still have food? I'm hungry again...
They are stealing the food from the grandfather's itacate.
GRANDFATHER: (looking in his bag for something he had in the lunchbox) Let's see, let's see... Let me see, dude, what it is
What can I find you... Let me see, let me see... (Turns to look at Gila and Tila, who are comfortably sitting...
sitting on the floor and devouring the food I brought) Oh, Gila, oh, Tila! I told you to bring your itacates!
GILA: (With a mouth full) Oh, grandpa, we did bring some, it's just that we've run out of food!
mouth full and with food in hand
FELIPE: (Indignant, to Gila) Oh, woman, and you left me nothing! This is no way to live!
BATO: Wow! (Savoring) Oh, I'm really craving a little bit of crackling with a little guacamole like this, really
Ready! Like those who... (Pause, lamenting, he/she puts his/her hands to his/her head) NO! Today is the classic! My
Chivas play against America!
FELIPE: (To Bato) Your goats, buddy? No, the good one is América! I have a hunch that this time they will win!
(They begin to fight)
JUANITA: (Intervenes in the argument, trying to mediate) Calm down, guys, calm down! It's only hunger and the
fatigue that causes them so much discomfort...
FELIPE: (To Juanita, infuriated) Seriously, you are not a normal girl! You are really messed up in the head!
JUANITA: (To Felipe, correcting him) It's not called 'choya', it's called head, skull, or crown of a person's body...
GILA: (Angry, hungry, she gets up. She approaches Juanita) Come on, kid, just what I needed, for you to want me.
correct my husband! (Gabriel enters the scene, the demons exit stealthily)
GABRIEL: (Annoyed) What is going on here, shepherds? Why so much noise? Why those complaints and fights?
TILA: (Keeps eating, talks with a full mouth) 'Ira, little angel, it's just that we no longer have enough food for everyone, the
Juanita wants to go around correcting, the grandfather is even hanging the beak (the grandfather is asleep, standing)
leaning on his cane) and Bato and Felipe want to watch the soccer... (The sound of a whistle interrupts. They enter
scene the demons, dressed in football uniforms and with baskets full of delicacies
LUCIFER: (To the shepherds and Gabriel) Fans who live the intensity of football! Here we bring you some
Delicious delicacies for you to enjoy while the team prepares to play against the pajarracos, América!
(Belcebú and Shadú distribute the treats among the shepherds and pull out two soccer balls) Here, take, take, bread and
circus, bread and circus!
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GABRIEL: (Furious, he pulls Lucifer aside by the ear) You again, filthy beast! What do I have to do
so that you leave these children of God in peace?
LUCIFER: (To the shepherds, somewhat saddened, trying to convince them) Oh, little shepherds, look at your angel of the
Look at how he treats me! Does he not want us to show that we are better than him and his team?
plumed ones don't last us even for the start?
GABRIEL: (Extremely angry, shouting) TO PROVE IT TO YOU? OF COURSE I CAN! AND I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO
IT WILL SHOW YOU! NOW YOU WILL SEE! (Calls Rafael and Miguel, who enter the scene dressed in uniforms)
(from soccer) RAFAEL, MIGUEL!
BELCEBÚ: (Approaching Lucifer, privately, while the angels are warming up) Master, we are going to
Let's win... It's better to let Gabriel take the shepherds, after all, we don't lose much...
LUCIFER: (Scolding Belzebub) Don't be stupid! Letting that faggot Gabriel and his angels win?
Charly?… Oh, they're so handsome! (sighs while looking at the angels. Pause. Yelling) NEVER! DEAD BEFORE I...
SIMPLE! Shalalá the Polly! (The angels finished warming up, the shepherds give them breath)
GABRIEL: (to Juanita) My girl, please be so kind as to act as a referee while we show these
demons that God sends (he gives him the whistle).
(The match begins. Gila and Tila take pom-poms out of the basket and start cheering. The match is narrated by the)
grandfather. music of the cup of life... Juanita whistles. They go to penalties. The angels win.
LUCIFER: (Defeated, crying, supported by Beelzebub and Shadú) You defeated me, Grabiel, you defeated me! But don't you think that already
You win the war: you only win a battle, demonized! (Exits the scene)
GABRIEL: (To the shepherds, wiping the sweat) Well, shepherds, now it is clear how good is
it must always triumph over evil. Let's all go together to Bethlehem, we will not leave them alone, lest again
Lucifer and his henchmen want to steer you off the path. Take your things, gather strength, and let's walk.
The shepherds advance guided by the star of Bethlehem singing 'Come on, shepherds, let's go...'. The angels follow behind,
but the demons try to dizzy the star, they dance with her while turning on the stage, they put on
stumbles the shepherds trying to prevent their arrival. The angels Raphael and Gabriel chase the demons and expel them,
finally, from the scene. Curtain
Scene 3. Finale. The shepherds arrive in Bethlehem. Mary, Joseph, and the child appear in the stable. The Magi enter.
to the scene.
GRANDFATHER: (To the shepherds) Do you see, friends, how it was worth all the travel and all the fighting against Lucifer? How great
The child is beautiful! (She approaches to see him) Here, little one, I brought you some milk so you can drink it right now while it's hot.
your mom makes them for you in a juice and we knitted you a little shirt with the wool from our sheep. (They take out the fruits and a
JUANITA: (Approaching the boy) Beautiful boy, divine treasure, I can't give you gold, but I gift you my song! Excuse me
to this girl, who knows nothing of verses, but your gentle demeanor inspired her to write to you. It's not worth describing your
beauty, the whiteness of your face, I will never be able to do it with my art, but I give you a poem, born from my heart,
test of my devotion. (Takes a poem from among his books and hands it to María).
BATO AND FELIPE: (Approaching the child) Little boy, look, we brought you some toys that we made for you so that you can...
I'll entertain you now that you grow up (They take wooden toys out of their bags and give them to José).
Everyone gazes at the child, the three archangels rise to the scene. Lucifer appears on one side of the stage and
their handcuffed and tied henchmen lamenting for not having been able to tempt the shepherds and prevented that the
baby Jesus was born. Curtain. End of the shepherd play.