Chapter 15 -Looking closely

Vee
I walk into the University feeling strange. I can't help smiling widely as I'm
completely immersed in my thoughts. It's only natural after that person
confessed his love. It's not
that I've never heard it before, or don't know what it feels like, I was once
told I was loved very often. I know that Mark has thought about me more
than friends for a long time, not
just seeing me as handsome, I'm not that stupid.
I almost couldn't sleep last night after hearing Marks soft confession. All I
could do was just look at him. If asked if I'm happy, yes I am really happy. If
asked if I'm shocked, then very much. He doesn't normally express his
feelings in words so maybe he was drunk. It was unlikely he was more drunk
than me, but then again I remember clearly his voice was quite hoarse and
his cheeks were red.
"Wait a moment, why is Daddy Vee smiling that much?" I stopped smiling
and tried to make my face as normal as possible when I heard my friends
teasing me. I was acting way to open.
"Yes his face looks very cheerful after he posted that possessive status last
night."
"Jealous of what? Your friends?"
"Yeah. You're acting possessive and jealous because of your friends." Kla said
before flicking his hand and turning back to the group. I can only breath out
in annoyance. I don't want to think about when my friends truly understand
the truth.
"You called a meeting for the juniors, so why didn't we just go straight and
see them?" I asked as I placed my bag on the table and sat down.
Today we were meeting with the juniors who would be getting their gears at
the trip we would be taking them on after finishing the semester. We will be
going to swim at the
ocean at Koh Samet.
Talking about the sea, and the first years, and the still face of that child who
just said he liked me drifted through my head, making me smile to myself
once again because I
know that he likes to swim.
"Why are you smiling like that after asking about the Juniors?" Yihwa teased
from the opposite side of the table. I looked up and glared at her. I don't
know if she said anything to anyone, but looking around at the faces of my
friends, who looked confused, I assume she hasn't said anything.
Even though my friend liked to gossip a lot, and is usually quite clever and
skilled, this time my friend kept their mouth closed like me.
"When did I ask?" I said in a calm voice, trying to keep cool and not
intimidated, eventhough my heart is beating strongly, but I didn't know what
else to do.
"Was he talking about the juniors here?" Pond turned and asked Yihwa.
"I think it's quite obvious already you..."
"What! I What?" I asked my friend.
"Together with your junior..."
"Hey! You're all here already." Pins voice broke the silence before Kla can say
anything more. We turned to look at the newcomer, before Pond nodded to
them, and then ordered us out to go and search for the Juniors.
I smiled briefly at Kla's pissed off face when he realised no one was
interested anymore in what he had to say. He just stared at me, before
muttering to himself. When a friend wants to gossip about oneself and it fails
like this, it's a good feeling.
I stood still listening to Pond and the other seniors as they spoke to the
juniors about what to expect. The children all sat quietly, listening to the
schedule of the boarding date day of departure and various activities. Their
wasn't much to conclude because everyone basically knew it all anyway.
"They are staring at each other." I turned to look at the two people beside me
and rolled my eyes. I'm trying to behave, but my two friends were making it
really hard.
"Go away." I say before trying to move somewhere else.
"Oh! Here we go, pretending to act all pretentious my friend?" Kla said
looking at me.
"In front of his junior he has to look good right?"
"Yihwa..." I pressed in a low voice.
"Still not clear? This other person is really serious." Kla said knocking my
shoulder.
"Pretending to be intense, pretending not to talk much, such great posture
and style. You better watch out or your friend will get in first." Yihwa said
before first looking at Mark then turning towards Nuea who was close by. Was
it not clear last night? Mark already said their was someone he liked, he even
told this to my friend. I wanted to scold my evil friend and tell him how
wicked he was but I couldn't.
Cursing wasn't going to be enough. Therefore I needed to think of another
plan to put into action. I wasn't interested in the teasing from Kla and YiWa
who seemed pleased that I was at a loss of what to say. I would be satisfied
also if I could find a way for him and I to be together because our story would
be ten thousand times more sweeter than Tossara.
I slowly step forward to get closer to him and my friend. It's like the two of
them weren't even aware of anyone else.
They followed one after the other to leave. He was so troublesome. A small
smile appeared on my boys face, my friend also smiled sweetly as well.
Many people were watching them because a lot were aware that Nuea
wanted Mark. My friends also know.
"Oh! P'Vee hi." Came the cheerful voice of Khamphan, which stopped my feet
moving, but also stopped the two people flirting in front of me. Mark and
Neua turned around to look
this way, before my friend raised his eyebrows.
That child though just turned his face the other way.
"Yeah hi." I answered in return before smiling a little.
"Why are you over here? Friends are back that way." Neua said as he moved
past Mark to stand in front of me.
"I did not come to see friends." I answered, before looking behind him, he
followed my eyes before frowning but I pretended not to notice and just kept
looking.
"Then who are you coming to see?"
"Come to see my junior." I replied.
"Right your junior, Nom, Pan, Lan, which one of your codes? Neua raised his
eyebrows listing off codelines I didn't even know existed until right then.
"Yeah." I answer my friend before returning to go back the other way towards
my codelines. Before I left I saw a small smile from the kid who had only last
night told me he liked me, as soon as he saw me glare at him though, he
quickly stopped and turned the other way.
Err whatever that's fine then. I thought about announcing that I felt good
being together with Mark, but it's just that right now I only feel good, but I
still didn't love him.
Nowadays the word love didn't make me feel confident at all, and if we say
it, and then leave each other, how will I survive? I once loved someone very
much, and I still need to move past that pain.
I also don't know if I want to announce to much because of Mark. Mark might
have liked me before, but it didn't mean that he snatched me away from Ploy
and I don't want the news to be spread that way. I'm not concerned for
myself, but I am concerned about him
I stood with my friends watching the first years load up their luggage. My
friends stood around talking with Bar and the Dr about allergies and
medication.
I turned to look at Mark, who was standing chatting with Fuse and smiling. I
feel that at this time he seems very bright and happy. After that day, I
greeted him like normal on LINE. I asked why he had avoided my eyes but he
never replied. I was a little pissed off, but I also knew I didn't have any rights
yet. I wanted to curse at myself because I knew things were unclear right
now, which kept floating around in the front of my mind.
"Well the story about you is the greatest. Everyone is talking about you don't
you know? Your story is legend." I turned my attention to Ponds voice, which
was talking about Bar and Kan.
I'm not really sure what they are talking about, but my little friend is blushing
hard and trying to hide it.
"I take it you are happy my friend, so I think this is a good thing also." He
continues before walking over to the bus. I also couldn't help smiling.
"I also think it's a good thing." I laugh softly when I think about it. The Dr who
had my friends gear, wanted to come as well, but my friend hadn't known he
was coming, so now
just smiled at that first year before walking over to get on the bus.
"Aren't you going over?" Yihwa asked pointing to the bus that I was
responsible for.
"In just a minute." I briefly told my friend before walking to the bus in front.
"P'Vee, you're in this one handsome." Kla said making fun of me. Friends
looked at me, but when they didn't catch sight of anything strange, they
went back to whatever they were doing. I continued walking up to Kla,
sending a smile.
"I know, but I need to go see this person first." I said, pointing to the bus Bar
had just got in to, before circling my finger back towards Mark. No one was
interested in it except Yihwa who looked at me wide eyed.
"So you accept?" Yihwa asked, grabbing my shoulder and moving me away
from Kla to ask softly.
"No...Got caught." I said smiling at my two friends, before continuing to my
original destination.
Actually to be honest they probably wouldn't have thought anything about
Mark and I. I never could have guessed how big this would become with us,
until time keeps passing by, and I become truly aware of my feelings. I am
aware of it now more than ever, and I really want to travel with him on the
way to Koh Samet.
"This one?" I walk over and stand in front of him, eyebrows raised, indicating
to the bus he was next to.
"Yeah." He answered, even though he wouldn't look at me. But I didn't mind,
because I also wasn't looking at him. I would say he is shy after confessing
because in truth I'm the same.
"Whose in charge of it?" I asked, before looking down at the listing paper in
my hand.
"Neua?" I looked up after reading the order of the buses the seniors will look
after.
"Probably the case, I saw him hop onto this bus already." He answered.
"Damn it." I said quietly. This was seriously a disaster. I looked at Mark,
before looking back at the list again.
"Just come with me ok?" I decided after reviewing the lists.
"Mark! Hurry and get on the bus." I turned to the sound of my friend who
beckoned Mark loudly. I went to speak, but then someone else called out to
me first.
"V! You're in this one." Which damn friend cares so much about me they
would point this out. I ignored them, and concentrated on the person in front
of me who had turned to look at Neua.
"Don't do to much." I said to Mark, making him turn to look back at me.
"Do not cause me to get jealous to much." We only talked briefly, and very
softly, but I think that we understood each other. After saying just those few
sentences, Mark and I separated so I could get onto my own bus. It seems
that I'm more open and make friends easier than him, he seems to have
trouble facing people at the start, but once he opens his heart and mind to
them, he will become very close and attached to that person.
I am scared that he will get to close to Neua, even though he said that he
likes me, but our heart can change right?
Even the person who said they loved me for a year said goodbye to me so
easily after using that word.
Ploy Napas: Do you already have someone new?
I looked at the message in the private chat that came up on my phone. My
heart beat fast as I tried hard to not move my hand over to press read. I
didn't delete the communication channel with ploy, but I haven't contacted
her at all since that day. This is the first time I've heard from her.
Ploy Napas: So I won't be able to return to you right? Even if I really
want to?
I pressed lock on the screen so I didn't have to look at the message. I stared
out the window letting out a deep breath.
I don't know how far the bus has driven, and I don't know how far I've moved
on from Ploy. I don't know I could ever go back. Once if you had asked I
would say I could always forgive her, but the words from the person who took
care of me when I was hurting was very clear in my head.
"I want you to stop loving her quickly." He is the one person who cared about
me even though I'd hurt him. On that day when he was hurting, I aggravated
him and hurt him even worse, and yet when I needed him he took care of
me. This person who just told me he liked
me, the person I'd just opened my heart to. I flipped the phone over when it
lit up, to see another message from Ploy asking me to open her messages
and reply. I sighed, and raised my hand to rub my face before I decided to
make a call.
“Yeah?” The voice on the other end made me smile. Just thinking of his face
made me smile even wider.
"What are you doing? What's all that noise?" I asked when I heard the music
coming through the other end.
“I was sleeping. Everyone else has been singing.”
"Why are you sleeping? Why not sing with your friends?"
“sleepy...” That was all he said, but it made me smile. His voice made me
recall his beautiful face, I could imagine his bright eyes, his slightly down
turned mouth.
"You didn't sleep much last night?"
“Whose fault is it?” He says irritated. I couldn't help but laugh. Last night we
video chatted till late. I'm not sure what time we actually went to sleep, but
the last time I'd looked at the clock it was 2AM, and I had to get up at 4AM.
"Hey it's the same for me."
“Then why aren't you tired?”
“Mark! Let's dance.” I frowned when I heard that voice, knowing exactly who
it was.
"Don't" I said before he could answer my friend.
“Who are you talking to?” The music was really loud, yet I could still hear
Neua's voice clearly. I don't even want to imagine how close they were to
each other.
“I'm talking with my dad.” I almost laugh at his answer, this naughty kid.
“So cute. Dad your son is very cute.”
"What the fuck, Dad?" I immediately swear. My friend is going to far, who
talks to someone's' father in that way if they aren't close? I'm close and even
I don't speak like that.
“That's all I need to say. Bye.” Hey!
"Wait a moment." But the call had already been cut. Now I'm getting really
irritated. Why did he end the call when Neua was next to him? What did it
mean?
Mark Masa: Don't be so serious, you don't need to be so jealous of
me this much.
I smiled at his conceited message.
Damn child. I try not to be so upset, and send him a silly sticker, which he
replied back with one making me smile, before I stood up and walked around
the bus.
We will go to Koh Samet to bridge the gap between the juniors and seniors
and forge relationships. To become more harmonious as a group. One heart
one mind. It's been a
tradition for years.
"Kan..." I stopped and stood near the back of the bus when I heard the sound
between boyfriends. He was trying to intimidate his boyfriend with the tone
of his voice, asking
permission for something.
"Okay say it." The Dr said giving in. I smiled at them. If I accept myself and
accept Mark, would we be as cute as this?
"Just once." Bar said glancing sideways at Kan.
"What’s just once?" I walked to stand next to Kan, looking down to ask them
both.
"It's my matter." Bar answered, looking at Kan.
"Yeah. Well now days I'm curious to know what's happening with you." I say,
acting like I'm sulking.
Actually I'm curious now because I want to know why Mark liked this crybaby
person, this cute person. I want to know how he acts so I know how to
behave to make him keep liking me.
"Well you haven't told me the story with Mark yet." He responds.
"Oh hey! It's not the same as what you said to me, you told me that you
choose him and not gonna be with me ever again." I just stand their singing
the song lyrics to a famous tune to cover the heat of my face caused by my
friend and the Dr staring at me.
"Hahaha, you guys are so cute." Said Tosakan. I didn't know if he meant me
and Bar or me and Mark when he used that word.
"This is Dr Kan, he is so worthy." He just carried on with his own business, no
longer caring about me, concentrating on his phone.
"Well are you still not satisfied?" Bar asked annoyed.
"Well, she broke my heart, and now she wants to come back when
everything is good." I say, looking at Bar. He is my closest friend, we may not
see each other much now he has
a boyfriend, but he understands me the best.
"If things are good then what the problem?" Kan turned to ask.
"That's it." I answered looking at him.
"You sure?" He asked in return eyebrows raised.
"So...how are you?" Kan asked further.
"I already said I was doing good, actually really great, and then the old
person comes back right at this moment so I don't know what to do." I
rubbed my head after answering, before walking away and ignoring the
confused look from that kid who looked at me like he wanted to know what I
would do next.
I don't want to answer yet. The busses stopped at the break point. Students
got out to stretch their legs and find something to eat. As soon as I put my
foot down though, I wanted to retract it because I looked ahead and saw my
friend with his arm wrapped around my boys neck.
"What do you like to eat? Do you want this?" I entered the convenience store
just as they were choosing snacks. His arm was no longer around his
shoulder like I'd seen before, instead my friend was picking up snacks to
show him.
"I can eat anything." Mark replied smiling.
"So easy to please." Neua said, teasing him; while raising his hand to rub his
head. Mark did not move away from the touch, which made me very upset to
see, even more than before. If this isn't flirting, then what is it?
"Oh, these two have sneaked away to flirt again? They didn't flirt enough on
the bus?." My eyebrows twitched listening to them, as I watched Fuse and his
friend walk over to them.
"Never enough flirting, I wont stop until he doesn't want to leave." Neua
replied, but his eyes watched Mark. Mark dodged his eyes though which
ended up landing on me.
Damn it! I can't just go over and pull him away, I know I don't have the right,
so I can just hope he follows. I went to the bathroom furious, without buying
anything, splashing water over my face to try and cool down. It didn't help
though when I heard another first year kid talking.
"Are Mark and P'Neua really dating?"
"Probably true, they are always next to each other."
"That's to bad because I like Mark." I turn around to look at the one talking.
He is a cute kid, small and sweet, exactly what Mark usually likes. I don't
want to listen but my ears are switched on after hearing this kid likes Mark.
"Well if they aren't dating each other yet, then I'm going to try."
"Snatch him away." Fucking charming. My feet stumbled as I was about to
leave the bathroom and ran in to the person those kids had been talking
about. Mark entered with Neua. I saw Neua grab his hand, which was
covered in dark liquid.
"What's wrong?" I asked walking over.
"Fuse spilt hot coffee on him being stupid." Neua muttered angrily. Marks
eyes lifted to look at me and I just stared back in return.
"Neua, your Nong is sick." Yoo shouted in front of the bathroom. Neua swore
under his breath before turning to look.
"You go and see to the spoilt child, I'll stay and help Mark myself." I said to
Neua. He looked at Mark, before looking back at me which I just nodded at
him. Before he left Neua bent over and whispered something in Marks ear
before walking out.
"Come here." I tell him, before pulling his arm to follow behind me to the
sink.
"I can do it myself." He says, before pulling his hand away to wash it.
"Don't make me angry Mark. Today you and him right in front of my face
have been to much." I say, before pulling his hand under the water. I turn it
on gently to wash the stickiness away. His beautiful hand is red. Fucking
stupid Fuse.
"It hurts!" Mark complained, so I scrubbed his hand a little gentler.
"What? I'm not as gentle as Neua who has been holding you since when?" I
ask after finishing washing. He examined his hand, before looking up at me.
"Do not try to create problems." He said before walking past me.
"I'm not trying to create problems, you are the one flirting all over the place."
I say, before pulling his shoulder back.
"What is wrong with you, I'm just going to go and apply cream." He turned
back frustrated. I looked down at his redswollen hand.
"I'll take you." I say pulling his wrist to follow, but he uses his strength to stop
moving and disobey.
"I don't know why you are so angry, but I don't want to talk to you when you
are like this!" He says loudly. Lucky there is no one else around here or it
may be quite troublesome.
"Yes I'm angry at you, but at others like Neua, and also damn Fuse."
"Yeah? So you aren't moody because of that old person of yours?" He says
before catching my eye.
"The person who is speaking nonsense and acting poorly is you." Mark's
voice went silent when my phone started to ring. I didn't release his arm,
instead using the other one to lift my phone up. The person calling made me
automatically lift my eyes to Mark, who stared back after looking at the
phone.
"That person." He said, before pulling his arm back, and turning to walk
away. I stood their watching him leave, before looking back at my phone
seeing that previous person calling again.