Topic: The graph below gives information about the percentage
of the population in 4 Asian countries living in cities from 1970
to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040
Overall Band Score:
6
Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.
Grammar Mistakes:
31
Vocabulary Repetition:
urban: 6
percents: 5
about: 3
population: 3
percentage: 3
equal: 3
----Corrected Writing----
Original Corrected
The line graph given illistrates us the The line graph given illustrates the
information about the four Asian information about the four Asian
countries' urban populaton, including countries' urban populations, including
Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, and Malaysia, Thailand, Indonesia, and the
Philippines, from 1970 and 2040, Philippines, from 1970 to 2040, making
making predictions for 2030 and 2040. predictions for 2030 and 2040. The
The graph below shows a rise in the graph below shows a rise in the
population in all four countries to the population in all four countries to the
end of 2040, and the differences in end of 2040, and the differences in
percentages of the urban populations percentages of the urban populations
between 1970 and 2040 is dramatic. between 1970 and 2040 are dramatic.
It is demonstrated that in 1970, the It is demonstrated that in 1970, the
percentage of people living in cities in percentage of people living in cities in
Indonesia was about fifteen and remain Indonesia was about fifteen percent and
quite stable in 1980, but there is a boom remained quite stable in 1980, but there
in the urban popilation in 2020, and was a boom in the urban population in
fifteen percents went up to fifty 2020, and fifteen percent went up to fifty
percents. One of the most noticable percent. One of the most noticeable
changes is the Philippines' the urban changes is the Philippines' urban
population's increase in 1990, which is population's increase in 1990, which is
equal to twenty , and slight drop in equal to twenty percent, and a slight
2010. However, it is predicted that in drop in 2010. However, it is predicted
2030, its cities' population will that in 2030, its cities' population will
experience growth equal to 5-10 experience growth equal to 5-10
percents. In 1990, Malaysia's urban percent. In 1990, Malaysia's urban
population's percentage is 45 percents, population's percentage was 45 percent,
but there will rapid growth in 2040, and but there will be rapid growth in 2040,
this percentage becomes 80 . From and this percentage will become 80
1990 to 2020, Thailand's urbanization percent. From 1990 to 2020, Thailand's
was about 25 and remained stable for urbanization was about 25 percent and
30 years, unexpectedly, it is said that in remained stable for 30 years;
2030 and 2040, this percent will go up unexpectedly, it is said that in 2030 and
to 50 . 2040, this percentage will go up to 50
percent.
One of the sharpest increases from
1970 to 2040 is in Indonesia's urban One of the sharpest increases from
population, and this increase is equal to 1970 to 2040 is in Indonesia's urban
45 percents, and the main fact is it has population, and this increase is equal to
not seen any decreases and drops 45 percent; the main fact is that it has
during these years and seem to not not seen any decreases or drops during
experience it even in the coming two these years and seems unlikely to
decades. experience any in the coming two
decades.
Word Count: 251
Word Count: 257
----Feedback----
Task Response Coherence & Lexical Resource Grammatical
Cohesion Range &
Accuracy
7 6 6.5 4.5
The report The report is A good range of While a range of
addresses all parts generally coherent, vocabulary is grammatical
of the task. Minor but the flow could used, although structures is
inaccuracies in be improved in some imprecise attempted, several
data are present, places. Some word choices are errors affect clarity
but the overall grammatical errors present. More and accuracy.
understanding and affect the overall sophisticated Improved
presentation are cohesion. vocabulary could grammatical
strong. be used in places. accuracy is
needed.