“Dialectical”
Open-mind thinking.
Dialectical means that 2 ideas can both be true at the same time.
There is always more than one TRUE way to see a situation and more
than one TRUE opinion, idea, thought, or dream.
Two things that seem like (or are) opposites can both be true.
All people have something unique, different, and worthy to teach us.
A life worth living has both comfortable and uncomfortable aspects
(happiness AND sadness; anger AND peace; hope AND
discouragement; fear AND ease; etc).
All points of view have both TRUE and FALSE within them.
Examples:
You are right AND the other person is right.
You are doing the best that you can AND you need to try harder, do better,
and be more motivated to change.
You can take care of yourself AND you need help and support from others.
Being dialectical means:
Letting go of self-righteous indignation.
Letting go of “black and white”, “all or nothing” ways of seeing a
situation.
Looking for what is “left out” of your understanding of a situation.
Finding a way to validate the other person’s point of view.
Expanding your way of seeing things.
Getting “unstuck” from standoffs and conflicts.
Being more flexible and approachable.
Avoiding assumptions and blaming.
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Guidelines for Dialectical Thinking
Do:
Move away from “either-or” thinking to “BOTH-AND” thinking.
Avoid extreme words: always never, you make me.
Example:
Instead of saying: “Everyone always treats me unfairly,” say
“Sometimes I am treated fairly AND at other times I am treated
unfairly.”
Practice looking at ALL sides of a situation/points of view.
Find the “kernel of truth” in every side.
Remember: NO ONE owns the truth. Be open and willing.
If you feel indignant or outraged, you are NOT being dialectical.
Use “I feel…” statements, instead of “You are…” statements.
Accept that different opinions can be legitimate, even if you do not agree with them:
“I can see your point of view even though I do not agree with it.”
Don’t:
…assume that you know what others are thinking, check it out:
“What did you mean when you said…?”
…expect others to know what you are thinking, be clear:
“What I’m trying to say is…”
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Dialectics Homework Sheet
Circle the letter in front of the dialectical statement for each group of
sentences:
1. a. It’s hopeless. Why even try? I give up.
b. My problems are gone, this is easy.
c. This is hard for me, and I’m going to keep working at it.
2. a. I’m totally right about this—it’s the truth!
b. I’m stupid. Everyone else is always right about things.
c. Well, I can see it this way, and you see it that way.
3. a. Everyone is always unfair to me.
b. In some situations, I feel that I’m not being treated fairly.
c. Everyone is always fair to me.
4. a. People should listen to me whenever I need to talk.
b. I should be able to handle my own problems without bothering
other people.
c. Sometimes I need someone to listen to me. When they can’t,
it’s frustrating.
5. a. It’s my parent’s fault that I have these problems, so I
shouldn’t have to work so hard to solve them.
b. All of my problems are my own fault.
c. I may not have caused all of my own problems, but I need to
solve them anyway.
6. a. Other people always hurt me, so I don’t trust anyone.
b. I trust some people and I find it very difficult to trust others.
c. If I were healthy I would be able to trust everyone.
7. a. I hate you for doing what you did. I am done being your
friend.
b. It shouldn’t be any big deal if other people hurt me.
c. You really hurt my feelings and we will have to work it out.