Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!

By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

13. Understanding values in human-human relationship; meaning of Justice (nine universal values in relationships) and
program for its fulfilment to ensure mutual happiness; Trust and Respect as the foundational values of relationship
14. Understanding the meaning of Trust; Difference between intention and competence
15. Understanding the meaning of Respect, Difference between respect and differentiation; the other salient values in
relationship
16. Understanding the harmony in the society (society being an extension of family): Resolution, Prosperity,
fearlessness (trust) and co-existence as comprehensive Human Goals
17. Visualizing a universal harmonious order in society- Undivided Society, Universal Order- from family to world
family.

TEXT /REFERENCE BOOKS

1. Human Values and Professional Ethics by R R Gaur, R Sangal, G P Bagaria, Excel Books, New Delhi, 2010
2. Jeevan Vidya: Ek Parichaya, A Nagaraj, Jeevan Vidya Prakashan, Amarkantak, 1999.
3. Human Values, A.N. Tripathi, New Age Intl. Publishers, New Delhi, 2004.
4. The Story of Stuff (Book).
5. The Story of My Experiments with Truth - by Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
6. Small is Beautiful - E. F Schumacher.
7. Slow is Beautiful - Cecile Andrews
8. Economy of Permanence - J C Kumarappa
9. Bharat Mein Angreji Raj – PanditSunderlal
10. Rediscovering India - by Dharampal
11. Hind Swaraj or Indian Home Rule - by Mohandas K. Gandhi
12. India Wins Freedom - Maulana Abdul Kalam Azad
13. Vivekananda - Romain Rolland (English)
14. Gandhi - Romain Rolland (English)

12. Understanding Harmony in the Family

Every human being is born in a family and is part 4. The fulfilment of these feelings and their right
of a family. The family is the basic unit or building evaluation lead to mutual happiness
block of human organisation. It provides a base for
appreciating, accepting, understanding and 1. Relationship is – between one Self (I1) and
practicing to live in relationship and harmony another Self (I2)Relationship is already there.
(order). We do not have to construct or create
relationship. All we need to do is to
Feeling of Relationship as the Basis for understand relationship and fulfil it.
Harmony in the Family Relationship is between one Self and the other
The harmony in the family has primarily to do with Self. It is the Self which is recognizing the
the fulfilment of relationship between one human relationship, and not the Body. It is the Self
being and the other human being. In order to fulfil which relates to the other, and not the Body.
relationship, it is necessary to understand 2. There are feelings in relationship – in one Self
relationship. (I1) for the other Self (I2) The important issue
in human relationship is that of the feelings.
Understanding Relationship We can see that feelings are in the Self, not in
We will now explore into the four important the Body. It is the Self which has the feelings
aspects of relationship: and which recognises the feelings. To
1. Relationship is – between one Self (I1) and understand relationship, one has to understand
another Self (I2) the Self and the naturally acceptable feelings
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one Self in the Self.
(I1) for the other Self (I2) 3. These feelings can be recognised – they are
3. These feelings can be recognised – they are definite
definite

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

These feelings can be recognized, they are definite. therefore, fail to understand relationship and
There are nine feelings in relationship. These are consequently, we fail to fulfil it, despite all our
the feelings which we can understand, which we good intentions. The problems are due to absence
can ensure within ourselves, which we can share of one or more of the right feelings in the Self. And
with others and thus ensure mutual fulfilment in we try to make up this gap by physical facility or
relationship. These are the feelings which are by trying to demand these feelings from others,
naturally acceptable to us in the relationship with rather than ensuring these feelings in ourselves and
the other human being. sharing it with others.

Feelings (values) in relationship: The Way Ahead

1. Trust (foundation value) First, we need to righty recognize the relationship,
2. Respect identify the naturally acceptable feelings in
3. Affection relationship, understand these feelings and ensure
4. Care that these feelings are there in us. This will ensure
5. Guidance happiness in us. Secondly, we have to share these
6. Reverence feelings with the other. Because this is naturally
7. Glory acceptable to the other as well, it will lead to
8. Gratitude happiness in the other also. Thus, it will lead to
9. Love (complete value) mutual happiness. And that is how the fulfilment in
relationship takes place.
4. Fulfilment of feelings in relationship and their
evaluation leads to mutual happiness Key Takeaways
When we have these naturally acceptable feelings Relationship already exists – we don’t have to
in the Self, we share them with the other and when create it; rather we only have to recognise and fulfil
we are both able to evaluate the feelings rightly, it it. The family is the basic unit of human-human
leads to mutual happiness, i.e. the happiness of interaction. The basic issue in family is that of
oneself as well as the happiness of the other. relationship. In relationship, there are nine feelings
(values) that can be clearly understood and lived
Appraisal of the Current Status with. There is harmony in the family, mutual
The problem today is that we assume ourselves to happiness in the family, when we understand the
be the Body and we assume the relationship on the feelings and ensure in our living.
basis of the Body (and not the feelings). We,

13. 'Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship

Now we will explore the first feeling, which is the foundational feeling (value) in relationship.

Feeling of Trust
Trust is to be assured that the other intends to make me happy and prosperous.

In order to understand trust, examine these eight statements:

1a. Do I want to make myself happy? 1b. Am I able to make myself always happy?
2a. Do I want to make the other happy? 2b. Am I able to make the other always happy?
3a. Does the other want to make himself/herself 3b. Is the other able to make himself/herself always
happy? happy?
4a. Does the other want to make me happy? 4b. Is the other able to make me always happy?
Intention (Natural Acceptance) Competence
What is the answer? What is the answer?

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

The questions 1a to 4a relate to natural acceptance, 1a, 2a and 3a, and there is a question mark in 4a.
the intention. Questions 1b to 4b relate to the When we look at the competence, at the ability,
competence, the ability. By and large, as far as the there is a question mark, right from the beginning
statements about the intention, i.e. natural – there is a question mark on 1b, 2b, 3b; on 4b there
acceptance, are concerned, there is a tick mark in is a big question mark.

Distinguishing between Intention and and if the other is lacking competence, what will
Competence you do?
Now if you try to analyse your own responses, a) Try to improve upon his competence
many things will get clarified. You’ll find that b) Get irritated
while evaluating yourself, you evaluate on the c) Get angry
basis of your intention (natural acceptance). You d) Have a feeling of opposition
think that you are a good person as your intentions
are good. On the other hand, when you evaluate the The answer is obviously (a). It is a response which
other, you evaluate him on the basis of his/her indicates trust on intention. All other answers are
competence. You find that s(he) is not able to make reactions based on doubt on [Link] with
you happy all the time. Many times, or most of the these indicators, find out how many people are
time he ends up making you unhappy. Therefore, there in your life on whom you have trust on
you think that the other wants to make you intention (natural acceptance) which is
unhappy. You have a doubt on other’s intention. unconditional and [Link], we don’t
see intention and competence separately. Since
On the basis of lack of competence, we conclude competence is generally lacking, the feeling of
about the lack of intention of the other. When we unconditional acceptance is almost completely
doubt their intention, instead of accepting the other missing; rather there is a feeling of opposition.
as a relative, we have a feeling of opposition. This With that, we reinforce wrong assumptions like:
is the common mistake that we make in  Strangers can’t be trusted (?)
relationship [Link] that we have clarity about  Trust is developed over a long-time (?)
intention and competence, explore this question: If  Never trust anyone (?)
you have unconditional, continuous trust on
intention, on the natural acceptance of the other

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

Thus, if we are able to see intention and evaluation of our competence and their
competence distinctly, we will be able to place a competence (so, this is not ‘blind’ trust).
tick mark in 4a. We will be assured of the intention With the feeling of trust, one is able to see it clearly
of the other human being. And with that, we will that the intention is same for all, to be happy and
make a programme of interaction with right make other happy. The only difference lies in the
level of competence.

Key Takeaways development. A common mistake is to evaluate

Trust is to be assured that the other has a natural oneself on the basis of one’s intention (and
acceptance (intention) to make me happy and conclude that I am good) and the other on the basis
prosperous. Trust on intention is the foundation of of their lack of competence (thus doubt their
relationship. It is the beginning of mutual intention and conclude that the other is bad).

14. Respect– As the Right Evaluation

Out of the nine feelings in relationship, we tried to Feeling of Respect
understand the feeling of Trust. With trust on Respect is right evaluation.
intention, the relationship starts. We will now When we are rightly evaluated, we feel respected.
explore the feeling of respect. Let us see, when do When we are not rightly evaluated, we feel
we feel respected? How do I respect others? disrespected.

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

Disrespect can take place in three ways: desire, thought and expectation are going on
 Over evaluation – evaluating for more than continuously in me, it is the same with the
what it is other. So, our potential is also same.
 Under evaluation – evaluating for less than
what it is Thus, we can see that the other (Self) is similar to
 Otherwise evaluation – evaluating for me. This is the minimum content of respect for a
other than what it is human being.

If we look at our day-to-day behavior, we generally Disrespect Arising out of Differentiation leading
tend to do one of these three – over evaluation, to Discrimination
under evaluation or otherwise evaluation. If any of In general, what we are doing in the name of
these three takes place, the other person feels respect today is differentiating and discriminating.
uncomfortable, disrespected. First set of differentiation is on the basis of body–
on the basis of age, gender, race and physical
Minimum Content of Respect – The Other is strength.
Similar to Me
When we evaluate the human being on the basis of This is based on the gross misunderstanding that
Self, we are able to see that: human being = Body. The truth is that human being
i. Our purpose is the same – As I have a natural = co-existence of the Self and the Body.
acceptance to live with continuous The second set of differentiation is made on the
happiness and prosperity, it is same with the basis of physical facility – on the basis of wealth
other. So, on the basis of our natural and post. The gross misunderstanding here is that
acceptance, we have the same purpose. physical facility = happiness. The truth is that
ii. Our programme is same – As my happiness is to be in a state of harmony.
programme to achieve continuous happiness The third basis of differentiation is on the basis of
and prosperity is to understand the harmony beliefs – on the basis of different isms (thought
and live in harmony at all levels of my being systems like socialism, capitalism, etc.), different
(from human being to the entire existence), sects, and different sets of information prevalent in
it is same with the other. In that sense, our the society. This is founded on the
programme to fulfil our purpose is also misunderstanding that if the pre-conditioning of
same. the other matches with mine, then the other is
iii. Our potential is same – As I am endowed respectable, otherwise not. The truth is that pre-
with natural acceptance and the activities of conditioning and right understanding are two
different things.

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

All this differentiation ultimately leads to • If the other has more understanding, is more
discrimination, which is disrespect because it is not responsible than me, I’m committed to understand
naturally acceptable. from the other
Complete Content of Respect – We are • If I have more understanding than the other, I’m
Complementary to Each Other more responsible than the other. I live with
At the level of the Self, only the competence could responsibility with the other, unconditionally,
be different. Competence means how much of the unperturbed by the behaviour of the other. I am
potential of the Self has been realized. One Self committed to facilitate the understanding in the
may have realized more of its potential, while other, once the other is assured in relationship and
another may have realized less of its potential. not before that

This difference in competence is to be The complete content of respect is

complementary to each other (not to discriminate • The other is similar to me in terms of purpose,
and exploit each other). The complete content of programme and potential and
respect is to be able to see that ‘the other is similar • We are complementary to each other in terms
to me and we are complementary’. of competence
Defining one’s complementarity:

Thus, respect is right evaluation (of intention and differentiation leading to discrimination on the
competence on the basis of Self). We are similar at basis of body, physical facility or beliefs. Small
the level of purpose, programme and potential and incidents of disrespect can have long-lasting
we are complementary at the level of competence. consequences – from not speaking to each other, to
Disrespect arises out of over-evaluation, under- opposition, break in relationship, divorce, fights
evaluation or otherwise-evaluation; and also, out of and even war.

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

With the complete understanding of respect, we e.g. a person with greater physical strength do the
can see for every individual on the earth that we all heavy work
are the same in terms of intention, program and e.g. a person at a higher post can work for the
potential. The only difference may lie in the level development of more people and so on
of competence. I may be having higher level of
competence in relation to one, but may be having Key Takeaways
lower level of competence in relation to another. Respect is right evaluation at the level of the Self.
With this evaluation, one can work out the program The complete content of respect is to see that the
to be complimentary to the other. other is similar to me in terms of purpose,
programme and potential; and we are
All the specific characteristics at the level of Body, complementary to each other in terms of
physical facility, belief etc. can be used to express competence.
that complementarity. Over evaluation, under/otherwise evaluation and
discrimination are disrespect.
15. Other Naturally Acceptable Feelings in Relationship
In the previous three lectures, we explored the Being responsible to the Self of my relative is
feelings of trust and respect. Now, we will discuss Guidance.
other feelings, and understand our participation in Generally, our focus is mostly on care because we
the family. have come to assume that human being is Body.
We are not even aware of the Self. Therefore, we
3. Affection are not aware that we have to take care of the Self
Affection is the feeling of being related to the as well.
other.
Affection is the feeling of acceptance for the other 6. Reverence
as one’s relative. Lack of affection is seen in the Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for
form of opposition, jealousy, etc. The feelings of excellence.
trust and respect are essential to have the feeling of Excellence is to be in a state of continuous
affection. When we have the feelings of trust, we happiness with the completeness of understanding
feel related to the other; otherwise we may feel of harmony and living in harmony at all levels.
opposed to the other. Once we achieve excellence, it continues.
Excellence is something definite, something
4. Care absolute.
Care is the feeling of responsibility and
commitment for nurturing and protection of the There is a basic difference between working for
Body of my relative. excellence and competition. If you have achieved
With the feeling of affection, one naturally takes excellence, you would naturally make effort for
the responsibility for development of the relative – helping others to achieve excellence. On the other
both at the level of Self as well as at the level of hand, in competition, we not only do not help rather
Body. Being responsible to the Body of one’s we hinder the other to reach to our level.
relative is Care.
7. Glory
5. Guidance Glory is the feeling of acceptance for those who
Guidance is the feeling of responsibility and have made effort for [Link] all those
commitment for development of Self by ensuring people whom we call great people, when we accept
the right understanding and right feeling in the Self the effort made for excellence by them, to whatever
of my relative. extent they are able to achieve it, we naturally have
a feeling of glory for them.

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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

8. Gratitude With this background, we can ask ourselves which

Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who can have continuity:
have made the effort for my excellence.  Right feeling in myself or
In our life, there may be so many people who have  Getting right feeling from the other
been of help to us in the process of understanding
harmony and living in harmony. So, we have this The answer is quite obvious that there can be
feeling of gratitude for them. Gratitude is a continuity of right feeling, if it is from within and
significant feeling in the development of based on right understanding. But generally, we do
relationship. keep making effort for getting right feeling from
the other in continuity.
9. Love
Love is the feeling of being related to everyone, to Role of Physical Facility in Fulfilment of
all. It starts from affection, which we have already Relationship
explored. If this feeling expands to many and You can now see that physical facility has a limited
ultimately to all, it is the feeling of love. So, we role to play in the fulfilment of the feeling in
begin with the feeling of affection, and complete it human-human relationship. To fulfil the feeling of
with the feeling of love. That is why, Love is called care, physical facility is certainly required. For
complete value. other than the feeling of care, physical facility only
Love is the feeling of being related to all. has a symbolic role to play.
Love is expressed in the form of compassion. The
feeling of love is for all and it is expressed to Response and Reaction in Behaviour
whosoever comes in contact. An important implication of understanding
relationship, particularly trust on intention, is the
Distinguishing Between Love and Infatuation clarity about problems in living in reaction and the
The feeling of love is not something which is based possibility of living with response. With response,
on sensation. If there is a feeling on the basis of your conduct is definite while with reaction, the
sensation, this is the case of infatuation where the conduct is indefinite.
sensual pleasure becomes the major goal.
Infatuation is conditional – it may last only as long My Participation (Value) in Family
as you are able to get the sensation or you have My participation (value) vis-à-vis my family is to
hope of getting happiness through sensation. It is ensure harmony in the family, ensure mutual
very temporary; it does not last for long. Once the happiness, ensure justice in the family by way of:
effect wears off, then the long-term issues of  Ensuring right feelings (trust, respect,
feelings become prominent. affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory,
gratitude and love) in myself – this leads to
Right Feeling – within Myself or from the my happiness.
Other?
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 Module 3: Course Understanding Harmony in the Human Being - Harmony in Myself!
By Vinod Kumar, Assistant Professor, CSE, PIET, Panipat

 Expressing (sharing) these feelings with the ability to participate meaningfully in the
other. When the other is able to make the right larger society –in the neighborhood, in the
evaluation of these feelings, it leads to his/her community and so on.
happiness, thus leading to mutual happiness. Justice in Relationship With the above discussion,
My participation is to be of help to the other justice can be understood.
in their self-evolution, self-development.
With this preparation in the family, I have the

Justice is the recognition, fulfilment and evaluation of human-human relationship, leading to mutual
happiness.

To expand it a bit:
 Recognition of relationship means  Evaluation means verifying that I have the
recognizing the naturally acceptable feelings right feeling, I am able to express it properly,
in relationship rightly. the right feeling has reached to the other and
the other is able to identify it as the right
 Fulfilment of relationship means feeling. When the recognition, fulfilment and
o Ensuring the naturally acceptable feelings in evaluation are right from my side, I feel
oneself. happy. When the other is able to evaluate the
o Living with responsibility with the other expression of my feeling rightly, then he also
with these feelings, forming the basis of feels happy. Developing this competence may
relationship. This makes the other take time.
comfortable and assured. Justice is desirable in the family and beyond the
o Making effort for mutual development, i.e. family, all the way to the world family.
development of one’s own competence and
being of help to the other in developing their
competence.

Key Takeaways feelings in oneself and expressing them to the

The other feelings in relationship include affection, other, leading to mutual happiness. Justice begins
care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude and from family and extends to the world family,
love. Love is the feeling of acceptance of all; it is leading to undivided society
the complete value. Justice is ensuring these

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