Module III: Self Esteem & Effectiveness

Descriptors/Topics

Meaning
Importance
Components of self esteem
High and low self esteem
Measuring your self esteem

Self Esteem and Self Worth

(the extent to which you value yourself)

Self esteem refers to the extent to which we like accept or approve of ourselves or how much we
value ourselves. Self esteem always involves a degree of evaluation and we may have either a
positive or a negative view of ourselves.

HIGH SELF ESTEEM i.e. we have a positive view of ourselves. This tends to lead to

 Confidence in our own abilities

LOW SELF ESTEEM i.e. we have a negative view of ourselves. This tends to lead to

 Lack of confidence
 Want to be/look like someone else
 Always worrying what others might think
 Pessimism

There are several ways of measuring self-esteem. For example, Harrill Self Esteem Inventory is a
questionnaire comprising 15 statements about a range of interest. Another example is the

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Thematic Apperception Test (TAT), which is a neutral cartoon given to the participant who
then has to devise a story about what's going on.

Morse and Gergen (1970) showed that in uncertain or anxiety arousing situations our self-
esteem may change rapidly. Participants were waiting for a job interview in a waiting room.
They were sat with another candidate (a confederate of the experimenter) in one of two
conditions:

A) Mr. Clean - dressed in smart suit, carrying a briefcase opened to reveal a slide rule and books.

B) Mr. Dirty - dressed in an old T-shirt and jeans, slouched over a cheap sex novel.

Self-esteem of participants with Mr. Dirty increased whilst those with Mr. Clean decreased! No
mention made of how this affected subjects’ performance in interview. Level of self-esteem
affects performance at numerous tasks though (Coopersmith, 1967) so could expect Mr. Dirty
subjects to perform better than Mr. Clean.

Even though self-esteem might fluctuate, there are times when we continue to believe good
things about ourselves even when evidence to the contrary exists. This is known as the
perseverance effect. Miller and Ross (1975) showed that people who believed they had socially
desirable characteristics continued in this belief even when the experimenters tried to get them to
believe the opposite. Does the same thing happen with bad things if we have low self-esteem?
Maybe not, perhaps with very low self-esteem all we believe about ourselves might be bad.

Argyle believes there are 4 major factors that influence self esteem.

1) THE REACTION OF OTHERS. If people admire us, flatter us, seek out our company,
listen attentively and agree with us we tend to develop a positive self-image. If they avoid us,
neglect us, tell us things about ourselves that we don’t want to hear we develop a negative self-
image.

2) COMPARISON WITH OTHERS. If the people we compare ourselves with (our reference
group) appear to be more successful, happier, richer, better looking than ourselves we tend to
develop a negative self image BUT if they are less successful than us our image will be positive.

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3) SOCIAL ROLES. Some social roles carry prestige e.g. doctor, airline pilot, TV. presenter,
premiership footballer and this promotes self-esteem. Other roles carry stigma. E.g. prisoner,
mental hospital patient, refuse collector or unemployed person.

4) IDENTIFICATION. Roles aren’t just “out there.” They also become part of our personality
i.e. we identity with the positions we occupy, the roles we play and the groups we belong to.

But just as important as all these factors, are the influence of our parents! (See Coopersmith’s
research.)

. COMPONENTS OF SELF ESTEEM

Trust, Self-nurture, Autonomy, Identity, Intimacy

Trust starts early in life and is based on how we are received into the world. We learn to trust
ourselves and begin to have a realistic trust of others. We begin to develop confidence in the
self’s ability to choose others who are safe or who will not injure or exploit us.

Self-Nurture is born of trust. We learn how to be caretakers of ourselves Self-nurturing is an

Autonomy comes from mastery. We work through necessary dependencies to a growing

Identity grows. We begin to know who we are and who we are becoming. In each stage of life,
self-esteem undergoes change and growth. We feel more solid as our identity grows.

Intimacy develops from identity and the need for connection. It is the ability to relate closely
and to know the limits of closeness. We yearn to lose ourselves in love and yet we need to retain
our own separate essence.

Healthy self-esteem involves all of the above basic elements. If we lose those characteristics
or never develop them, there is a significant absence of self-esteem. Low self-esteem affects
our body, mind, and spirit. None of us spring full-blown into the world with characteristics
fully developed.
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Why Self-Esteem is Important and Its Dimensions

Self-esteem refers to a person's beliefs about their own worth and value. It also has to do with the
feelings people experience that follow from their sense of worthiness or unworthiness. Self-
esteem is important because it heavily influences people's choices and decisions. In other words,
self-esteem serves a motivational function by making it more or less likely that people will take
care of themselves and explore their full potential. People with high self-esteem are also people
who are motivated to take care of themselves and to persistently strive towards the fulfillment of
personal goals and aspirations. People with lower self-esteem don't tend to regard themselves as
worthy of happy outcomes or capable of achieving them and so tend to let important things slide
and to be less persistent and resilient in terms of overcoming adversity. They may have the same
kinds of goals as people with higher self-esteem, but they are generally less motivated to pursue
them to their conclusion.

Self-esteem is a somewhat abstract concept; it's hard for someone who doesn't already have it to
know what it would be like to have it. One way for people who have lower self-esteem to begin
to appreciate what it would be like to have higher self-esteem is to consider how they may feel
about things in their lives that they value. For instance, some people really like cars. Because
cars are important to them, these people take really good care of their cars. They make good
decisions about where to park the car, how often to get it serviced, and how they will drive it.
They may decorate the car and then show it off to other people with pride. Self-esteem is like
that, except it is yourself that you love, care for and feel proud of. When children believe they
are valuable and important, they take good care of themselves. They make good decisions about
themselves

Self-esteem answers the question, “How do I feel about who I am?” We learn self-esteem in our
family of origin; we do not inherit it.

Global self-esteem (about “who we are”) is normally constant. Situational self-esteem (about
what we do) fluctuates, depending on circumstances, roles, and events. Situational self-esteem
can be high at one moment (e.g., at work) and low the next (e.g., at home).

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Low self-esteem is a negative evaluation of oneself. This type of evaluation usually occurs when
some circumstance we encounter in our life touches on our sensitivities. We personalize the
incident and experience physical, emotional, and cognitive arousal. This is so alarming and
confusing that we respond by acting in a self-defeating or self-destructive manner. When that
happens, our actions tend to be automatic and impulse-driven; we feel upset or emotionally
blocked; our thinking narrows; our self-care deteriorates; we lose our sense of self; we focus on
being in control and become self-absorbed.

Global self-esteem is not set in stone. Raising it is possible, but not easy. Global self-esteem
grows as we face our fears and learn from our experiences. Some of this work may require the
aid of a psychotherapist. In the meantime, here is what you can do:

 Get sober. Get help through 12-step groups to stop self-destructive behaviors. Addictions
block learning and drag down our mood. Identify them and replace them with self-care.
 Practice self-care. Make new lifestyle choices by joining self-help groups and practicing
positive health care.
 Identify triggers to low self-esteem. We personalize stressful events (e.g., criticism) by
inferring a negative meaning about ourselves. A self-defeating action often follows. Each
event can, instead, be a chance to learn about ourselves, if we face our fear of doing so
and the negative beliefs about ourselves that sustain the negative meanings.
 Slow down personalizing. Target personalizing to slow impulsive responses. You can
begin to interfere with these automatic overreactions by using relaxation and stress
management techniques. These techniques are directed at self-soothing the arousal. This
allows us to interrupt the otherwise inevitable automatic reaction and put into play a way
to begin to face the unacknowledged fears at the root of low self-esteem.
 Stop and take notice. Pay attention to the familiarity of the impulse. Our tendency is to
overreact in the same way to the same incident. Awareness of the similarity can be the
cue to slow our reactivity.
 Acknowledge reaction. Verbalize, “Here I go again (describe action, feeling, thought) . .
. ” Actively do something with the awareness rather than passively note it. The result is to
slow the impulse and give ourselves a choice about how we want to respond.

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 Choose response. Hold self-defeating impulses. Act in a self-caring and effective way.
By choosing to act in a more functional way, we take a step toward facing our fears.
 Accept impulse. Be able to state the benefit (e.g., protection) of overreaction. We won’t
be able to do this at first, but as we become more effective, we will begin to appreciate
what our self-defeating impulse had been doing for us.
 Develop skills. We can provide for our own safety, engender hope, tolerate confusion,
and raise self-esteem by learning and using these essential life skills:
o Experience feelings. “Feel” feelings in your body and identify your needs. When
we do not respect our feelings, we are left to rely on what others want and believe.
o Optional thinking. End either/or thinking. Think in “shades of gray” and learn to
reframe meanings. By giving ourselves options, we open ourselves to new
possibilities about how to think about our dilemmas.
o Detachment. End all abuse; say “no” to misrepresentations and assumptions. By
maintaining personal boundaries, we discourage abuse by others and assert our
separateness.
o Assertion. Voice what you see, feel, and want by making “I” statements. By
expressing our thoughts, feelings, and desires in a direct and honest manner, we
show that we are in charge of our lives.
o Receptivity. End self-absorption; listen to others’ words and meanings to restate
them. In this way, we act with awareness of our contribution to events as well as
empathize with the needs of others.