These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries for tourism
than in the past.
Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is believed that travelling abroad for tourism these days has become much more plausible
than it used to be (1) . While the increasing accessibility to international worldwide tourism
means less high-quality services, fostering the interconnection between cultures should be the
ultimate goal of tourism.
- Nhận xét (Comments):
(1): Topic intro: “These days it is much easier for many people to travel to different countries
for tourism than in the past.”
-> This sentence is stated as a fact, not a belief/opinion -> Should be paraphrased as so in the
sentence ->Best solution: Paraphrase it into a hook. (For NEC, we can try linking the given
topic to personal experience -> expand it)
(2): This has not adequately answered the question
-> Suggested new introduction: By means of recent technological advancement (explain the
trend a little), traveling to various nations has become much more accessible than it was in
the past (paraphrase the topic). With a few clicks and scrolls, one can book an international
flight or reserve a hotel room regardless of the geographical distance (relate to personal
experience). Critics believe that this development (the word “trend” won’t fit here, as this is
not a temporary phenomenon) may lower the quality of services and increase crime rates in
many nations (Show the disadvantages/ weak points). However, from my perspective, those
setbacks can be outweighed by intercultural understanding and stable global development.
(Answer the question, enumerate the benefits)
On the one hand, the increasing accessibility of international tourism lowers the quality of its
services. Due to the massive number of new tourists, maintaining keeping up with the
previous standard of quality has become a virtually impossible task for service providers in
the this industry. For instance, airlines used to provide passengers with a wide range of high-
end services, which were comparable to that of five-star hotels or luxurious restaurants.
Nonetheless, most tourists do not always opt for such high standards during their trips.
Nhận xét (Comments):
- The idea is not sufficiently developed (the example is irrelevant, as the essence of the
idea is not clearly stated). -> Rephrase the first two sentence. -> Try to specify the
result of this development
- The objects/subjects of some sentences are vague as they were not mentioned earlier -
> Unclear whether the writer is off-topic or not. -> Use an article
- The phrase “international tourism” is repeated. -> Try to think out of the box while
writing
->Suggested new body 1 (NEC standard):
On the one hand, the quality of products from service providers may suffer from the sudden
surge in the number of tourists. To reach more clients, tourist companies must lower the cost
of services. However, their products have to meet the minimum requirements imposed by
international agencies. Thus, the only way to improve the accessibility of those services is to
remove some of their distinguishing features (the will-be-exemplified object has been clear).
For example, in the 1950s, commercial flights used to provide passengers with high-end
services, from spacious seats to five-star in-flight restaurants and bars, which have become a
luxury since the development of mass tourism. Moreover, lessened difficulty in traveling
worldwide can result in higher crime rates in various countries. Criminals, especially wanted
ones, can hide their identity and capitalize on the accessibility of international tourism to
escape their home nation and get away with their violations, which might result in another
crime. In other cases, some impertinent tourists may show little respect towards laws in
different countries. For instance, in 2024, several Chinese tourists intruded into several
houses of Singaporean residents during their visit to this Southeast Asian nation. However,
informing tourists of noticeable regulations at the onset of the trip can prevent such incidents.
On the other hand, the ultimate eventual objective of worldwide tourism should be fostering
the understanding across cultures. With the advent of mass tourism, citizens can have more
hands-on experience with other cultures. They will get a better understanding of people from
other nations or ethnicities instead of sticking to preconceptions about such groups of people.
As a result, the mass media cannot effortlessly manipulate their readers or users into
believing in misconceptions by spreading unfounded claims about obscure nations. Take
Russia as an example. Under the scope of newspapers, particularly Western nations’ ones,
this nation appears to be highly militaristic, full of racks and ruins from previous regimes or
governments. However, tourists travelling to this country do enjoy the out-of-this-world
metro system in Western Russia and the breathtaking landscapes in the Far Eastern side of
the same nation.
Nhận xét (Comments):
-
->Suggested new body 2:
On the other hand, one of the ultimate aims of international tourism can be fostering
understanding across cultures. While traveling to a foreign nation, one can acquire hands-on
experience with a entirely different culture. Moreover, they would have an opportunity to
reserve their judgement on that culture and immerse themselves in the daily life of the people
there. Thus, tourists can get an all-rounded viewpoint on those cultures after their visit. A
case in point is a visit to the Yakutia oblast. Traveling to this frigid region, visitors may not
only admire the resilience and sense of community among the Yakutians but enjoy their
close-to-nature lifestyle. On top of offering tourists an objective perspective, more accessible
tourism may facilitate long-term global development. Traveling, for many, is a chance to
widen their knowledge about the perspectives of other people around the world, rather than
merely taking a rest from work. Such tourists may be open to the differences in the attitude
towards life or their stance on the culture of visitors from foreign citizens. Therefore, a
number of tourists may adjust their behaviours positively and nations will develop in their
cultural and moral standard, other than merely economy. For example, though having a
blooming economy, Vietnam is still notorious for the uncultured behaviour of its citizens
while traveling or working overseas. Fortunately, some of Vietnamese tourists or expatriates
are attempting to solve that problem by telling their compatriots their experience at other
countries.
To conclude, despite the lowered quality of services from travel agencies, the increasing
accessibility to worldwide tourism has helped the industry to serve its ultimate purpose -
foster the connections between nations and cultures.
->Suggested conclusion:
In conclusion, the understanding across cultures and the all-rounded global development are
two of the precious values that easier international tourism has brought about, offsetting the
disadvantages of this shift, such as lower quality of products from tourist service providers
and increased crime rates in a few nations.