UNPACKING THE SELF: THE SEXUAL SELF A person could also feel like none of these or

identify as agender, meaning, that they don’t feel

like any of these gender identities fit them.
WHAT IS SEXUAL SELF ALL ABOUT IN Gender identity is what human beings feel about
UNDERSTANDING THE SELF? their own gender. The idea that the only gender
Sexual self-concept refers to the totality of oneself identities are male and female is the ‘binary’ view
as a sexual being, including positive and negative of gender. If a person does not identify exclusively
concepts and feelings. This includes sexual identity with being a male or a female, and instead feel like
and gender orientation. they fit somewhere between the two, they might
identify with being ‘non-binary’.
A person expresses his or her sexuality through
individuality, and a person’s belief and behavioral
lifestyle are based on his or her own perceptions of TRANSGENDER
sexuality.
This is the umbrella term used to describe the full
A person needs to be aware of their sexuality and range of people whose gender identity or gender
sexual attributes to make responsible decisions. role do not conform to their sex assigned at
SEXUAL SELF : It refers to how you think about birth.
yourself as a sexual individual. It speaks of your Individuals in this category may feel as if they are in
sexual health, sexual orientation, gender identity the wrong gender which can cause gender
and expression, and values around sexuality. dysphoria.
SEX Others may change their names, their pronouns, or
 Sex is biological. even seek to transition. Other may even desire for
 It is classified as male, female, or intersex surgical or hormonal reassignment.
where there are reproductive differences CISGENDER
based on genitalia, chromosomes, and
hormones. It is a person’s identity based on It is used to describe a person whose gender
their physical characteristics, genes, and identity and gender expression align with their sex
hormones. assigned at birth.

GENDER TRANSMAN

 It is a term that refers to social or cultural  a person who was naturally born or
distinctions associated with a given sex. It is physically assigned as female at birth, but
generally considered to be a socially who feels that this is not an accurate or
constructed concept. complete description of them and
 Gender refers to the characteristics of consequently identifies as a male
women, men, girls and boys that are  Born as female, identifies as a male.
socially constructed. This includes norms,
TRANSWOMAN
behaviours and roles associated with being
a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as  a person who was naturally born or
relationships with each other. physically assigned as male at birth but
feels that this is not an accurate and
complete description of them and identifies
GENDER IDENTITY as female
 Born as male, identifies as a female.
How much you feel like a man, a woman, or
something else is your gender identity. This is
described as a spectrum because anyone could
feel a little like a man, a lot like a woman, and
maybe also a bit like something else.
 Both physical and emotional attraction can also
come from a lot of other places, like someone’s
SEX VS GENDER
personality or even the things human beings
Our sex, which is physical – male or female – is have in common.
distinct from our gender, which is psychological and
Some people might be attracted to the same
social, meaning, some individuals have genders
gender as them (homosexuals), and others might
which may be different from the sex assigned to
be attracted to people of the opposite gender to
them at birth. Some individuals may be male
themselves (heterosexuals).
physically but identify or feel more comfortable
thinking of themselves as female. Attraction is presented as a spectrum because
some people are attracted to multiple genders, like
bisexuals or pansexuals, and could be attracted to
SEXUAL DIVERSITY different genders in different ways, or to one gender
more than another.
 Sex and gender are often thought of as
binary categories: that is, human beings can Many people find that these labels don’t fully
only be either male or female, or feminine or explain their attractions. Some of these people
masculine. might call themselves queer. Thinking of attraction
 This is a false assumption. as a spectrum allows individuals to fully explore
 Although sex can be quantified by DNA and their attractions without boxing them into a category
genetic testing, sometimes the results are that might not feel quite right.
difficult to makes sense of regarding their
Also, some people may not feel any kind of
social implications. The diversity of modern-
physical attraction to other people, and that’s called
day society opens more doors than some
being asexual. Similarly, aromantic describes
may be able to comprehend. Sexuality, as
those who don’t feel emotional attraction to people.
it is today, is far more diverse than the
antiquated ideation of
 man vs woman.
TYPES OF SEXUAL ORIENTATIONS
SEXUALITY
There are a lot of recognized sexual orientations.
An individual’s sexuality is about who they are Regardless of what gender or sexual orientation an
attracted to, whether sexually or romantically. individual identifies as, it is important to consider
Human sexuality refers to people’s sexual interest that not everyone has the same identity or rigid
in and attraction to others, as well as their capacity view of it. Each sexual orientation is valid and
to respond to sexual stimuli. This is also called anyone who identifies with their chosen sexuality is
sexual orientation where one’s physical attraction deserving of respect regardless if they identify
and emotional attraction overlap. differently from others or not.
1. PHYSICAL ATTRACTION 1. HETEROSEXUAL - attracted mostly to
people of the opposite sex or gender
It refers to the characteristics of a person that might
2. HOMOSEXUAL - attracted mostly to people
make them physically or sexually attracted to
of the same sex or gender
others. Physical attraction can come from a variety
3. BISEXUAL - attracted to both men or
of factors, including someone’s gender identity,
women
gender expression, or the sex they were assigned
at birth.
2. EMOTIONAL ATTRACTION GENDER EQUALITY
It relates to the characteristics of a person that Gender equality is achieved when women and men
might make them emotionally or romantically enjoy the same rights and opportunities across all
attracted to others. This can also come from a sectors of society, including economic participation
variety of factors, including gender identity, gender and decision-making and when the different
expression, or the sex they were assigned at birth.
behaviors, aspirations and needs of women and  Oral fixation can result in problems with
men are equally valued and favored. drinking, eating, smoking, or nail-biting.
FIN

Psychosexual Stages of Development  Anal Stage (1-3 Years)

Sigmund Freud Erogenous Zone: Bowel and Bladder Control
Freud proposed that personality development in  The primary focus of the libido is on
childhood takes place during five psychosexual controlling bladder and bowel movements.
stages. The major conflict at this stage is toilet
training—the child must learn to control their
During each stage, energy or libido is expressed in
bodily needs.
different ways and through different parts of the
body. Each stage represents the fixation of libido on  Success at this stage depends on the way
a different area of the body. As a person grows parents approach toilet training. Parents
physically, certain areas of their body become who use praise and rewards for using the
important as sources of potential frustration called toilet appropriately encourage positive
erogenous zones. outcomes and help children feel capable
and productive.
Each stage of development is marked by conflicts
that can help build growth or stifle development,  Inappropriate parental responses can result
depending upon how they are resolved. If these in negative outcomes. If parents are too
psychosexual stages are completed successfully, a lenient, an anal-expulsive personality
healthy personality is the result. could develop in which the individual has a
messy, wasteful, or destructive personality.
If certain issues are not resolved at the appropriate
stage, fixations can occur.  If parents are too strict or begin toilet
training too early, an anal-retentive
A fixation is a persistent focus on an earlier
personality develops in which the individual
psychosexual stage.
is stringent, orderly, rigid, and obsessive.
Until this conflict is resolved, the individual will
 Phallic Stage (3-6 Years)
remain "stuck" in this stage
Erogenous Zone: Genitals
 The primary focus of the libido is on the
 Oral Stage (Birth to 1 Year)
genitals.
Erogenous Zone: Mouth  At this age, children also begin to discover
the differences between males and females.
 In the Oral Stage, our main pleasure comes  Boys begin to view their fathers as a rival for
from our mouth. the mother’s affections. The Oedipus
 The mouth is vital for eating, and the infant Complex describes these feelings of
derives pleasure from oral stimulation wanting to possess the mother because of
activities like tasting and sucking. the fear that the father might take them
 The primary conflict at this stage is the away. The term Electra Complex has been
weaning process - the child must become used to describe a similar set of feelings
less dependent upon caretakers. experienced by young girls.
 This is resolved through the process of
 If fixation occurs at this stage, Freud identification, the child must adopt the
believed the individual would have issues characteristics of the same sex parent, and
with dependency or aggression. realize that the parent in question is not a
threat to them.
 Freud's theory is good at explaining but not at
predicting behavior, one of the prime of the goals of
science.
For this reason, Freud's theory is unfalsifiable - it
can neither be proved true or refuted. For example,
the libido is difficult to test and measure objectively.
 Latency Stage (6 to Puberty) Overall, Freud's theory is highly unscientific.
Erogenous Zone: Libido is Inactive Freud may also have shown research bias in his
 During this stage the libido is dormant. interpretations. He may have only paid attention to
 Most impulses are repressed during the information which supported his theories and
latent stage, and excess energy can be ignored information and other explanations that did
sublimated towards schoolwork, hobbies, not fit them.
and friendships.
 Much of the child's energy is channeled into
developing new skills and acquiring new Love, Lust, and Attachment
knowledge, and play becomes largely
All these crazy, haywire feelings and physical
confined to other children of the same
reactions are because of our brain and the
gender.
chemicals it releases as a result of attraction and
 The latent period is a time of exploration.
desire.
This stage is important in the development
of social and communication skills and self- The biology behind love can be categorized into
confidence. Fixation at this stage can result three:
in immaturity and an inability to form fulfilling
relationships as an adult. 1. Lust

 Genital Stage (Puberty to Adulthood) 2. Attraction

Erogenous Zone: Maturing Sexual 3. Attachment

Interests
 This stage begins during puberty but last LUST
throughout the rest of a person's life. In this stage,
we develop a strong interest to other people.  It is the first stage of romantic love and is
described as feeling physically attracted and
 Interest in the welfare of others also grows drawn to the object of your affections.
during this stage. The goal of this stage is to
establish a balance between the various life areas.  Lust is triggered by our hypothalamus, our
body’s smart control coordinating center. Its
 Instinct is directed towards intimacy with main function is to keep our body in a stable
another. state called homeostasis.
 If the other stages have been completed  In love, it gathers the various stimuli felt by
successfully, the individual should now be well- the body (smells, touches, sounds) and
balanced, warm, and caring. The individual is now creates the body's physical response to the
able to balance their most basic urges against the emotions associated with those stimuli.
need to conform to the demands of reality and
social norms.  In reaction to the stimuli, the hypothalamus
stimulates the production of the hormones
estrogen and testosterone. These hormones
Is Freudian psychology supported by drive us to seek the object of our desire.
evidence?  At the same time, the hypothalamus
releases oxytocin, the love hormone,
making us feel excited in the presence of
 the person we like. This increases with a  This leads to irrational behavior, which in
hug, or other skin-to-skin contact. this case, is not necessarily a total eclipse
of the heart, but rather, a total eclipse of
 This triggers the release of dopamine,
the brain.
leading to the next stage of love which is
attraction.

ATTRACTION
 The release of dopamine by the ATTACHMENT
hypothalamus triggers the ‘reward’
pathways in our brain which influence  The final stage of falling in love and the
behavior and memory, starting from the predominant factor in defining the success
ventral tegmental area (VTA). The reward of long-term relationships, attachment refers
circuit is stimulated by pleasure-inducing to a more meaningful bond developing
behaviors. between two people.
 This is why when we spend time with  The dominating hormone during this stage
someone we are attracted to, we are filled is oxytocin, commonly referred as the
with a sense of ecstasy, or that we are ‘cuddle hormone’ or the ‘love hormone.’ OT
“falling in love,” the natural equivalent of forges bonds that represent the depth of
being high from taking an illicit drug. love and attachment to a partner as it
 Dopamine, or the ‘feel-good hormone’ is heightens the feelings of calmness, security
also involved in focus and attention, making and contentment.
a person hyper-focused to someone they  Another hormone dominant in attachment is
love. called vasopressin. It plays a role in
 The initial feeling of love is translated by the interactions and encourages ‘pair-bonding.’
body as under duress or stress, triggering This hormone affect trust, empathy, and
the increase of cortisol. This leads the social bonding encouraging us to want to
adrenal gland to release norepinephrine or stay with that person as a result.
also known as noradrenaline.  These two hormones provide us with an
 The combination of dopamine and explanation as to why euphoric love will
norepinephrine allows us to feel energetic, begin to fade as attachment and long-term
euphoric, and giddy: hearts race, palms love grow.
sweat, cheeks flush and we are  Another hormone dominant in attachment is
overwhelmed with emotions of anxiety and called vasopressin. It plays a role in
passion. interactions and encourages ‘pair-bonding,’
 When cortisol levels rise, serotonin levels encouraging us to want to stay with that
start to drop. It is believed that low levels of person as a result.
serotonin drive the overpowering feeling of  These two hormones provide us with an
infatuation that is common during the initial explanation as to why euphoric love will
stages of falling in love. begin to fade as attachment and long-term
 This contributes to the maddeningly love grow.
intrusive and preoccupying thoughts, terrors
and hopes that are linked to early love,
LOVE HURTS
which resemble the symptoms of obsessive-
compulsive behaviors. Hormones are released, making us feel
 Both lust and attraction have been known to good, rewarded, and close to our romantic
blur the functioning of the prefrontal cortex partners… this all paints a rosy picture of love.
of our brains due to the increase of However, love is often accompanied by jealousy,
hormones that drive sexual desire and erratic behavior, and irrationality, and other less-
reward, often referred as the romantically than-positive emotions. This is all caused by the
euphoric stage. same set of hormones.
 DOPAMINE is released whether for our  Someone with this love language feels
virtues or our vices. The same regions of the brain loved if their significant other is present and
that light up when we feel attraction also light up focused on them when they are together.
when a drug addict takes cocaine, or when we  This might mean putting down the cell
binge eat sweets. phone, turning off the computer, making eye
contact, and actively listening.
In a way, attraction is much like an addiction
 If your partner's primary love language is
to another human being. Becoming addicted to
quality time, you need to not only set aside
material goods is similar to being emotionally
time for your partner, but also be intentional
dependent on our partners.
about how you are spending that time.
OXYTOCIN is the hormone responsible for When it comes to quality time, it's not about
making us feel good. It helps reinforce the positive the amount of time you spend together but
feelings we already feel towards the people we instead the quality of your interactions that
love. count.

However, OT also plays a role in needy, Physical Touch

clingy behaviors, and jealousy. High levels of it
 A person with physical touch as their
triggers detrimental emotional oversensitivity.
primary love language feels love through
Though there is some sort of ‘formula’ for physical affection – a hug, a shoulder
love, or that maybe we can have chemistry with squeeze, a handhold, even a pat on the
anyone, the rest of it is still up to you. back can be an expression of love.
 Notice when you argue or disagree with
your partner, you often move physically
away from them. It’s not always easy to
Love Languages
break the tension following an argument,
In his book The Five Love Languages (1995), Dr. but often the best way to reconnect is to
Gary Chapman dissects the principles behind close that physical distance and touch your
communicating love, which remains relevant and partner.
useful in many different types of relationships, from  Physical Touch include: cuddling, sitting
family and friends to romantic partners. side-by-side, rubbing each other’s backs,
tickling, etc.
He emphasized that a person’s primary and
secondary love languages reflect both how they Words of Affirmation
give love and how they receive it.
 It entails verbal communication that is
Gift Giving (Receiving Gifts) encouraging, affirmative, active, and
appreciative, whether spoken or written
 Individuals who identify with this form of messages.
communication tend to express and feel  As human beings, we want to feel valued
love through the giving of gifts. and appreciated. Positive words have the
 The entire act of gift giving – from the power to create solid foundations needed to
thought, the careful choosing of a tangible build strong, productive relationships that
item to represent the relationship, and finally create clear lines of communications.
to the actual giving itself – elicits the feeling  If words of affirmation is someone’s primary
of affection toward another person. love language they would enjoy expressing
 In this love language, you do not affection through spoken words, praise, or
necessarily expect large or expensive appreciation.
presents. What counts is the effort and
thoughtfulness put behind the gift, Acts of Service
treasuring not only the gift itself but also the
 Many times, acts of service can be a difficult
time and effort the gift-giver put into it.
love language to implement because it
Quality Time requires so much time, and often,
[Link] you give acts of service,
 you give up your time. This non-verbal form
of love can be time-consuming and
exhausting, but if it’s what the other person
needs, then it's worth the effort.
 Acts of service are nice things you do for
someone that make them feel loved and
appreciated, such as: helping with the
dishes, running errands, helping with
schoolwork, or accompanying them home.