Topic 3-DATING AND COURTSHIP
TOPIC 3 DATING AND COURTSHIP
Introduction
Dating and courtship are essential cultural preambles men and women
go through in the path towards finding a suitable spouse. Formation of
family starts from the simple acts of dating. This topic discusses the
stages of dating through courtship to marriage. Readiness from marriage
and possible reasons for breakup are discussed.
Learning Outcomes By the end of the topic the learner should be able:
i. describe some challenges that must be handled in dating and explain
how to deal with them.
ii. Explain the importance of dating and courtship
iii. determine readiness for marriage commitment
iv. discuss reasons for break-up
Topic Content Stages to Dating And Courtship
Reasons for Dating
Readiness for marriage
Breaking Up
Further Reading Quah, S.R., ed. (2015) Routledge Handbook of Families in Asia.
London: Routledge, pp. 111-122.
Stephen F.D. (2011). Family life education. Principles and practices for
Effective outreach. Brigham Young University: SAGE Publications,
Inc.
TOPIC ACTIVITIES
Activity i. describe some challenges that must be handled in dating and
explain how to deal with them
ii. Describe ways to make dating relationships successful
1. DATING AND COURTSHIP
Traditionally, courtship and dating formed the first stage towards setting up a family. This starts
at adolescence or thereafter.
Courtship- period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or
establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind.
Courtship may be informal and a private matter between two people or a formal engagement with
family approval.
Traditionally, in the case of formal engagement, it was perceived that the male actively ‘court’ or
woo the female, encouraging her interest in him and her receptive to proposal of marriage. This
concept of gender roles of female and males in courtship is changing in many societies.
Courtship may also include much talking together, exchange of letters, gifts, flowers etc.
Stages to Dating And Courtship.
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1. Friendship- Admire, like somebody.
2. Dating- special kind of friendship where two people spend time together.
➢ It is a time when people intending to marry react to one another.
➢ They commit themselves to one another.
➢ This leads to engagement.
3. Formal engagement.
➢ Couple commit themselves to marriage by exchanging some symbols that binds
their commitment to each other.
➢ Can publicly announce intention to marry and establish time for planning a
wedding.
4. Marriage
Note;
Marriage failure can be viewed as a failure in dating and courtship. Discuss
Reasons for Dating.
1. Personality development.
➢ Dating one interacts with the opposite sex and get to know yourself better. Various
strengths and weaknesses will surface during a romance. Knowledge gained will
help in learning how to relate to others.
➢ From every person you date you should learn something about yourself and how
your personality affects the opposite sex.
2. Understand The Opposite Sex.
➢ Dating paves way to understanding a variety of personalities, attitudes and
problems of the opposite sex that you might never be exposed to otherwise.
➢ Gives people time to understand one another in terms of value and behavior.
3. To fill the human need for love.
➢ Every human being longs for intimate relationship in which love can be given and
received fully. Dating helps mature these skills.
4. To fill social needs for fun and recreation.
➢ A creative date life opens up opportunities for good times with someone you care
for. One reason couples go out is to simply relax, enjoy themselves and have fun
➢ Form of entertainment.
5. To find a marriage partner.
➢ There is a very high chance that people marry someone they have dated.
➢ Every date should sharpen the reasoning skill so that when one makes the final
decision to marry, he/she makes an intelligent one regarding the traits one wants in
the future partner.
6. Dating provides an opportunity for trying out gender roles. Gender roles must be worked
out in active situations with the partner. Men and women try out the role they want to
assume in a relationship.
7. Provides an opportunity for sexual experimentation and satisfaction.
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8. Dating is a means of socialization. Dating helps the individual learn social skills, gain
confidence and begin to master arts of conversation, cooperation and consideration for
others.
Breaking Up
Danger signals to look for include the following:
1. Extreme Arguing and Fighting.
Some arguing and fighting during an ongoing relationship is normal. If a couple never
disagrees, then they are not really themselves, or they may not have learnt to interact with
one another.
But too many disagreements, especially if they are loud, long or continuous are dangerous.
If the fights outnumber the periods of peace, then there is need to worry. Consider
terminating the relationship at an early stage to avoid problems in marriage.
2. Extreme Physical Involvement.
When couples spend most of their time together enjoying each other’s physical attraction
but engage in few participation activities and little or no verbal communication. When this
happens, the other areas of their relationship fail to grow.
3. Conflicting goals and values
Values and the philosophy of life are the most common sources of disagreement in a
relationship. Disagreement in budget, priorities, values etc.
-Morality, spirituality, Education etc.
4. Abuse
Mental or physical abuse should not be tolerated.
5. Withdrawal
Relationship that closes out friends, family members, school, sports, church etc.
6. Poor combination of personalities.
Whenever you begin dating someone you link your personality with his/hers.
Activity
Date rape! What are the causes, and how can one avoid date rape?
When to Marry
This can be looked at from the point of view of chronological age and from the point of view of
maturity.
1. Age
Marriage between couples 18-23 years of age have a very high divorce rate. Couples who
are 25 years of age or older have a more than 70% chance of success. According to
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psychologists, the happiest couples marry after 28 years. In early marriage it is common
for one of the partners to lose interest in the other. The person one is in love with at 18
years may not be the person one is in love with at age 21. Changing personalities and value
also complicate matters. A couple of years during the critical maturing process can
drastically change one’s thinking and attitude.
Note: Best age to marry is 23-35 years
2. Signs of maturity
The following are considered as signs of maturity. Couples who have attained them have greater
chances of successful marriage.
o Realistic view of marriage
o Understanding of love
o Having a philosophy of life
o Realistic self-evaluation
o Constructive problem solving
o Good interpersonal relationship
o Independent thinking
o Acceptance of responsibility
o Ability to wait
o Putting others first