Table of Contents

Talk 1: Being Present 1

Talk 2: Change 3
Talk 3: Gratitude 5
Talk 4: The Bigger Picture 7
Talk 5: Forgiveness 9
Talk 6: Prayer 11
Talk 1: Being Present
Hymn: Be still and know that I am God (X 3)
I am the Lord that healeth thee (X 3)
In thee, O Lord, I put my trust (X 3)

I invite you to consciously arrive… to become present…notice…hear…see…smell

come home to self [Woman in movie house, genu ected before going to her seat! She wasn’t
very present! She was somewhere else!]

Notice your breathing. Just bring your attention to your body breathing in and out. No need to
change anything. Just notice.

The American preacher and teacher Rob Bell has a 10 minute video on YouTube entitled
BREATHE. It is a beautiful meditation on our breathing and God’s Spirit.

He says that most of us breathe mostly from our chest. We don’t take deep breaths. Ideal: 4-6
deep breaths per minute. Most of us: 16-20 shallow breaths per minute.

Most of the energy we need for life comes from the air we breathe. It is freely available to us
but many of us only live on 10–20% of the energy available to us.

So, return to noticing your body…good form?...relaxed?...tired?…in pain? Don’t change

anything…just notice…acknowledge.

If you were in couple therapy with your body as your partner, what would your body be
saying to you about your relationship?

Poem: "The Guest House" by Rumi

offer welcome, hospitality to however you are.

Some movement…grounded…some shaking…some lifting/dropping shoulders…head roll

etc. As you breathe out, sigh…make sound. Shake/wring hands.

Poem: "Dervish"

Maybe quietly pray for the courage to meet God at your centre.

The late priest and writer Daniel O’Leary, returning from getting a death diagnosis, sat in
prayer. Eventually this prayer arose within him:

“Lord, open my heart as wide as it can open.”

I invite you to pray for yourself, others here, for the Assembly, the Chapter. Pray for an open
heart, a free spirit, an awareness of struggle.

It is said in my part of the world that monks of old would head out on a new mission in their
small currachs (boats), not determining where God was calling them to. They would ship
their oars and let the tide carry them (as it were the Spirit) where it would… surrendering to
God’s Spirit.

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 Hear the invitation to ship your oars… and be attentive to where the Spirit is leading…

There is a favourite story at home about a person lost while driving in the countryside. They
see an old farmer walking on the road and they stop and ask him for directions. The old
farmer looks at the driver, frowns, and asks: “Where are you trying to get to?” The driver
answers. The old farmer shakes his head and says: “If I wanted to go there, I wouldn’t start
from here at all!”

A crazy story – humour but also wisdom!

So often we don’t actually start from where we are! (e.g. have you ever heard a preacher up
in his head, lost in ideas, and who hasn’t made the journey to his heart… he’s not grounded.
There he goes now, with his two feet planted rmly in the clouds!)

Story: Patient in a psychiatric hospital, standing with arms outstretched like Jesus on the
cross. He won’t bring his arms down – not for the psychiatrist, the doctor, the nurse. A
workman passes by, studies the situation. “Could I have a go?” he asks. He goes up to the
patient and whispers in his ear. The patient lowers his arms and goes away with the workman.
“What did you say/do?” “I asked him did he learn woodwork from Joseph, his old man. He
said ‘Yes.’ So I then told him I had some wooden chairs in the basement that needed repairing
and would he come and give me a hand. So he agreed and came along with me!” The
workman started with where the patient was at… accepted that… and built on that.

In these days… that’s the repeated challenge: to see where we are (in our thinking and
feeling), to see where others are in their thinking and feeling… and accept that reality… not
agree necessarily… but see/hear/understand/accept and work from there.

A reminder we get from the Synodal process is that wisdom is to be found in community
where each person is using their gifts, listening and speaking. And we need to remember that
God gives wisdom to the body (community), not to any one individual! During these days
when you are exercising your gifts, that is the Holy Spirit working through you. If you have
no answer… maybe God wants you to have no answer! If you have low energy… that’s
enough for God. When we are doing what we can do… then God is glori ed. Don’t focus on
your weaknesses. God is working through your strengths and weaknesses. Trust God that you
are enough!

Finish with the inspiring, challenging poem by Mary Oliver, “When Death Comes”.

[Note: the advantage of paying attention to our experience of moments of REGRET. The
experience of REGRET can contain wisdom and direction! As I am writing this moment I
have pain in my lower back. My guess is that the cause of the pain is muscle strain from
having lifted a suitcase full of les – a heavy suitcase. I regret it, now that I am visited with
pain and dif culty moving and walking! And the wisdom is that I need to pay attention to my
ageing body! Another experience of REGRET is when I see younger people out jogging, and
realize that I’m past that stage of life, and the REGRET can invite me to take advantage of
what is possible for me today, now, and not build up unnecessary REGRET for the future. So
let REGRET be a teacher. Just like the psalm says: Teach us to number our days, O Lord, that
we may gain wisdom of heart. “Dying to live more fully” was the title I gave to a week’s
workshop one time on using the reality of our death to live more fully.]

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 Talk 2: Change
All of us gathered here have had to deal with change in our lives… whether personally, in
family, in community, in Vice Province, in church, in politics. You have been dealing with
signi cant change in your Vice Province and now as you move towards fusion with the
Province of Oceania.

The house where I lived while studying theology was our central house in Dublin, called
Marianella. Some of you have visited or spent time there. It opened in 1968. It closed 48
years later. Back in 1977 my classmate and I were the rst to be ordained in its newly built
church. Dublin Marianella is now gone, sold. It is demolished – the whole building, chapel
and all, razed to the ground. Some of the confreres tell me that they avoid driving past the site
– now lled with townhouses and costly apartments – because it only stirs up their sense of
loss… their grief over a much-loved building.

Last year we completed the sale of our church, monastery, retreat centre, and youth village in
Esker, in County Galway in the west of Ireland. It was originally a Dominican site for almost
300 years, then the local diocesan seminary for a few years, and the Redemptorists for over
100 years. And now it’s sold. (We hold on to the cemetery where almost 100 confreres are
buried!)

One of the changes in the Redemptorist world in North West Europe dealing with
restructuring/recon guration is that of becoming a Federation of 4 Provinces. Our provinces
are for the most part elderly (Dublin average age 78!) – only 2 seminarians in the 4 provinces.
Each of the provinces is apostolically alive… some with strong partners in mission… a lot of
life, youth ministry, even full churches (especially during Solemn Novenas). Yet while people
generally seem to have genuine hunger for spirituality, in general the Church is facing major
change.

Thomas Halik tells a Czech myth about an architect in Prague who built a Gothic church and
on completion instructed that the wooden scaffolding be burned. As the scaffolding burned he
became frightened that the church itself was going to collapse and be destroyed, so he ended
his own life. But the burning only burned the scaffolding (maybe singeing the church walls a
little) and did no fundamental damage. What is collapsing is only wooden scaffolding, but
when it burns down the building will certainly be scorched by re but the essentials – which
have long been hidden – have yet to be revealed.*

It needs to be celebrated! We need to tell our story and celebrate it – a reason for pride, for
gratitude, not with a denial of our weaknesses or mistakes, but with an honest appreciation of
the grace and good we have experienced. I believe you as a Vice Province have much to
celebrate as you re ect on your journey. Yes, there were struggles, setbacks, disappointments
along the way. But there were also achievements, growth, joy and success. Your story is a
treasure that forms a strong foundation as you face the future.

And face the future you must, because change is continual. You are now entering a new
reality – a new chapter – as you move towards becoming part of the Province of Oceania. It is
a time of loss in some ways: loss of a particular identity, loss of a level of autonomy, perhaps
a loss of con dence as you face a bigger entity. But it is also a time of potential, of hope, of
fresh opportunity: Resurrection in faith.

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A Redemptorist speaking about restructuring in another part of the world said: “We are living
through a Triduum experience as Redemptorists in these days. We have gone through the
Good Friday experience (the death of the old ways, old structures, old assumptions). We are
now in the empty, uncertain, disorienting Holy Saturday time. We wait in hope for the
Easter Sunday moment to arrive, trusting that it will come.”

Endings and deaths are hard. Change is often painful. But we are an Easter people. We
believe in hope. We believe that God is at work even in the loss and death. Our faith calls us
to trust that beyond the loss and death is new life, is resurrection.

We are awaiting our own Easter moment in this restructuring journey. We are in Holy
Saturday now – waiting in hope, trying not to lose heart. But change is happening and will
happen. We face it with realism, faith and trust.

A Spiritual writer (I think it was Jean Vanier) remarked that often when people face a big
change or a daunting task, they rst think: We can’t do this! Then after a while they think: We
will try to do this. And nally, with grace and effort, they arrive at: We are doing it! Perhaps
you recognize that pattern in your own experience.

Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane dreaded the change, the crisis, the painful journey that
confronted him. He agonized, he prayed for another way, he shed tears of blood… but
ultimately he found the courage and said “Yes” to the will of the Father. He stepped forward
into the breach… with faith.

We don’t fully know what lies ahead for us in this changing reality of our Congregation. We
don’t know exactly what it will ask of us… we don’t have a clear image or blueprint. So
maybe we can nd courage and inspiration from Jesus in his stepping forward in loneliness
but also in faithfulness to the Spirit deep within him.

And think of what change Mary, the mother of Jesus, had to deal with. Jesus must have said
and done so many things far removed from the tradition and beliefs Mary was raised with.
She must have been worried about him and his safety as opposition grew. And it is very
possible that Mary had to grow into an acceptance of Jesus’ vision and message, to trust him
more than what she had grown up with. It meant putting Jesus ahead of social acceptance in
her small village. In many ways it meant moving from the tradition she was raised in.

Come, Divine Spirit, we pray –

Rattle our cages
Break into our locked houses
Water our parched lands
Undo our bends and twistedness
Awaken our hearts
Help us to over ow with kindness
And give us unending joy. (prayer from the 12th century)

Rattle our cages: wake us up, disturb us, unsettle us, show us our narrowness, our pettiness.
Break into our locked houses: challenge our false securities. Strip us (rob us) of our
possessions that are not life-giving.
Water our parched lands: You are the God who takes away our deadness. You raise to life
in us what has frozen/dried up/died.

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Undo our bends and twistedness: the unskillful adjustments we’ve made in life which
prevent us from loving or receiving love… which dis gure life and restrict others…
Awaken our hearts: let our life-blood ow. Let compassion arise. Let judgments cease
(limited views and acting on them).
Help us to over ow with kindness: on our deathbed… our loving… our generosity… our
relationships will be central… (not being right, or our achievements).
Unending joy: not super cial. Life is about deep joy and peace (in the midst of inevitable
struggle and pain).

Points for Re ection/Sharing

• What have been the highpoints of your Vice Province since its inception up to the
present?
• When have you felt most proud to be a Redemptorist?
• When have you felt most proud to be a member of the Vice Province?
• When, for you, has the Vice Province been most faithful to walking in the footsteps of
the Redeemer?
• In what ways has your Vice Province best been able to reach out to the poor and most
abandoned?

Talk 3: Gratitude
One of the bene ts of being present is that we stop taking life for granted. Be present and see
what there is to be grateful for.

I used to close my eyes and come down the stairs, feeling my way (banister prompts) → gift
of sight. Once I had an earache – so intense that I wanted to die. No earache today – give
thanks! No headache, no toothache… give thanks! No constipation… no diarrhoea… give
thanks! If aches and pains are not so bad today, give thanks!

The gift of being able to walk, talk, hear and remember (most things!!). e.g. Tommy Groarke,
R.I.P., said: “My body owes me nothing. It has served me well these past 78 years!”
(Gratitude for his good health – the gift of good health)

Meister Eckhart: “If the only prayer you ever said in your life was ‘Thank you’, that would be
enough.”

A confrere of mine is very skillful at getting his needs met. But he’s even more skillful in
expressing gratitude and appreciation.

Morris West: “At a certain age our lives simplify and we need have only three phrases left in
our spiritual vocabulary: Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

Some families are great at expressing gratitude, others not – some have a culture of
expressing gratitude.

Radical gratitude begins when we stop taking life for granted… when we stop believing
we’re entitled, that we’re owed anything.

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 After putting petrol in the car I headed into the shop to pay. There was a woman at the door,
sitting on the ground, begging. As she looked at me, I thought I read in her resigned face that
she didn’t expect much from me. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she was just cold, hungry, tired,
worried… or maybe all of those.

On the way back out I dropped in some coins to her begging cup. The woman’s face
transformed into a lovely smile. Her eyes lit up. She looked me in the eyes, and said: “Thank
you! God bless you!”

As I walked to the car it struck me that I had given very little, but had received so much
more!

I was lled with a sense of gratitude for her heartfelt response. It was as if I had given a little
light and received back a much brighter light. I was reminded of the words of Jesus: “Give
and it will be given to you… a full measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over,
will be poured into your lap.” (Luke 6:38)

We know that it is more blessed to give than to receive – but sometimes we need to learn how
blessed we are when we give, how much we receive in return for giving.

Perhaps one of the reasons why some are slow to express gratitude is that it can make us feel
a bit vulnerable. It reminds us (and others) that we are not self-suf cient, that we depend on
others – at least sometimes. It strikes at our pride.

The more self-reliant we think we are, the less likely we are to feel or express gratitude. Why
should I be grateful to you? I could have managed just ne without you. Gratitude can stick in
the throat of the proud person.

And what about gratitude to God? There are people who live good lives without faith, but I
wonder if genuine gratitude is possible without at least an implicit faith in something or
someone beyond ourselves. If I don’t acknowledge a Creator or a higher power, then who do
I direct my gratitude to? Do I just feel lucky? Or is it simply about feeling grateful in a
general impersonal way?

In the story of the ten lepers who were healed (Luke 17:11-19), only one came back to say
thanks – and he was a Samaritan (an outsider). Jesus makes a point of highlighting this. The
other nine may have been rejoicing; they may have been excitedly showing themselves to the
priest as Jesus instructed; they may have hurried home to share the great news with their
families… but they missed out on something important by not coming back to express
gratitude. And Jesus missed out too! He wanted to share in their joy. He wanted to hear their
expressions of delight and gratitude, but only one came back.

Gratitude is good for the grateful person, but expressing it is also good for the receiver. Don’t
we all appreciate a heartfelt “Thank you” from someone? It gives joy to the giver as well as
the receiver. Unexpressed gratitude is a bit of a waste – like buying someone a lovely gift and
never giving it to them!

Have you ever done something good for someone and they didn’t acknowledge it or thank
you? Did you nd yourself thinking less of that person? I suspect God may sometimes feel a
bit disappointed with our lack of gratitude – not because He needs it, but because we need it.

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 Think of all the things you are grateful for at this moment… (pause and re ect) … Now,
think of all the things that God has given to you that you never even asked for! Doesn’t
that inspire gratitude?

I was once at a retreat led by a rather eccentric priest. We were all standing in a circle for a
prayer ritual at the end. He went around and smudged each of us with a burning herb, saying
some words of blessing. When he came to me he said, “May you grow in gratitude.” I was a
bit taken aback. Of all the blessings he could have given, he prayed for me to grow in
gratitude. It made me re ect. Was I lacking in gratitude? Perhaps I was. Or maybe he just
sensed that I needed to focus on being more grateful. Either way, it was a blessing that has
stayed with me.

Let’s take on board the beautiful words of Psalm 116: “What can I return to the Lord for all
His bounty to me?” – and perhaps say with the psalmist: “I will offer to You a thanksgiving
sacri ce and call on the name of the Lord.” (Ps 116:17)

Talk 4: The Bigger Picture

(Book of Numbers 22:20–35)

There are confusing messages in the early part of the text. It is not clear what God really
wants Balaam to do. (Now read the text.)

Balaam is convinced he’s doing the right thing… he’s convinced he’s doing what God
wants… and he’s wrong! He’s heading for death, and he’s forcing things! He’s pushing and
pushing, believing he’s in the right.

His donkey (or ass) sees what Balaam does not see: the angel of death blocking the path. And
the donkey digs in, and so protects Balaam from certain death.

But Balaam does not get it! He just keeps beating the donkey and trying to impose his will…
probably thinking the donkey is simply being stubborn… not realizing that he is the one who
is being stubborn (or being an ass!).

And then the donkey speaks to Balaam: “What have I done to you that you have beaten me
these three times?” Balaam replies that the donkey has made him look stupid and he’d like to
kill her. The donkey responds: “Am I not your donkey that you have ridden ever since I was
yours until this day? Have I ever treated you this way before?” Balaam answers: “No.” Then
the Lord shows Balaam the angel of death and Balaam discovers that the donkey, who saw
the angel of death, had saved his life.

Implied in the donkey’s question to Balaam is a further question: Given that I’ve never
behaved like this before through all the years… would it not strike you that there might
be a reason – even a good reason – why I was refusing to go forward? To put it another
way, the donkey was suggesting to Balaam that instead of forcing things and acting in a
forceful and self-assured way, he might stop and humbly ask a crucial question:

HOW DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?

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Balaam is not listening to the faithful donkey. He’s up in his head. Rather than blame and
judge the donkey, Balaam needs to look at the bigger picture and ask: How does this –
apparently wrong and annoying situation – make sense? We can be tempted to ignore that
question. What is the wisdom in this apparent mess? Where is God’s Spirit? What is God
saying here?

In our story, Balaam eventually does get the message and changes course. But how many of
us stubbornly stick to our own ways, ignoring signs that perhaps God (or life) is trying to get
our attention and tell us something? How often might God be speaking to us through events
or through other people, and we simply don’t hear it because we are so focused on our own
plans and ideas?

Sometimes we are the stubborn donkey, digging in and refusing to move because we sense
something is wrong or dangerous – and people around us don’t understand. At those times,
we need the courage to hold our ground even if we look stupid to others.

Other times, we are Balaam – stubbornly pushing on with our own agenda and not seeing the
bigger picture. At those times, we need the humility to stop and ask: How might this situation
make sense? Is there something I’m not seeing?

There’s a saying: “If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a
nail.” In other words, if we are xed in our approach, we will always apply the same solution
(even if it’s the wrong one) and not see any alternatives. Balaam’s mindset was like that –
force was his hammer, and he was going to use it regardless. We too can be guilty of that kind
of thinking.

Story: A man on a safari in Africa had hired local villagers as guides and helpers. They
carried the equipment and set off into the jungle. The rst day they made excellent progress,
covering much ground. The second day they did the same. On the third day, the local helpers
sat down under a tree and refused to move. No urging could get them to continue. When
asked what was wrong, one of them explained: “We have moved too fast. We must wait here
for our souls to catch up with our bodies.” The safari leader had been pushing and pushing,
and these wise locals knew the importance of stopping to recover balance – to let the soul
catch up.

In the story of Balaam, the donkey could see what Balaam couldn’t. We too sometimes need
others to help us see the bigger picture. We need each other’s wisdom. Maybe that’s why
Jesus sent out his disciples two by two – so they could check things with each other, support
each other, and help each other see clearly.

It’s said that a good leader surrounds herself with people who will not always say yes – but
who will sometimes say “No” or “Wait” or “Think again” or “Look at this another way.”
We all need people like that around us. We need to be humble enough to listen to them.

Another story: A very elderly man sat every day by the village well. A stranger came by and
asked him, “What brings you out here every day?” The old man replied, “I come here to
listen to the footsteps of God.” This wise elder knew the importance of listening to God’s
movements, to what God is doing in the world. He took time to be still and to pay attention.

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Our Chapter theme reminds us to “contemplate, discern and witness”. The contemplative
stance helps us to see the bigger picture – to catch what God might be saying or doing. A
discerning heart is one that seeks the deeper meaning, that listens for the voice of the Spirit,
that asks “How does this make sense?” A witnessing life is one that shows others the way –
by example more than by words.

If we want to truly witness to the joy of the Gospel, we need to be attuned to the bigger
picture of what God is doing, especially when things don’t go according to our plans. We
need to help each other step back and ask the wise questions, instead of forging ahead blindly.

Let’s pray for the grace of awareness – to notice when we are being stubborn or when we are
missing something, and to notice when God might be speaking to us through unexpected
messengers (even donkeys and setbacks!).

Talk 5: Forgiveness
(Maybe start with either the poem "It’s Time" or Mary Oliver’s "A Bitterness")

In my early 20s I went to work for the summer in a factory in London. I lodged with my
sister-in-law’s parents. One afternoon a neighbor of theirs came in for a cup of tea and a chat.

She was in her 30s – beautiful, with a head of curly red hair. The sunlight coming through the
window lit up her hair and made it glow.

I had heard about this woman. She had a very dif cult marriage. Her husband, after some
years of real darkness, sank into a deep state of mental illness and had to be permanently
hospitalized.

So this young woman, as you can imagine, had been through hell!

I looked at her that afternoon, now full of life, full of chat and laughter. Then she said
something which opened a door for me.

She simply said:

We all make mistakes in life.

We are all self-preoccupied at times.

Her words opened a prison door for me – a prison of believing I had to be perfect; that I
couldn’t be liked or loved if people saw the real me… a prison of self-criticism.

Somehow her dark history, her beauty, her laughter, and her precious yet simple words
invited me to accept my humanity, to see myself honestly, to recognize and begin to accept
my weaknesses… but above all, somehow unknown to her, she had invited me into freedom,
into courage, into loving.

She invited me into forgiving myself for being human!

I met a man in his 30s – I’ll call him “Frank.” He was abused in boarding school by one of
the staff. Unwelcome memories of the abuse would return frequently over the years. Frank

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 had heard that his abuser had died in his mid-40s, and one day he decided to travel to the
cemetery where his abuser was buried.

As he stood at this man’s grave, Frank felt once again how he’d felt as a young teenager:
bewildered, frightened, confused, panicked, in shock; betrayed, robbed, violated, exposed,
ashamed; lled with hate, bursting with anger. He let all those feelings surface once more.
Then he spat on the grave and shouted: “I forgive you!” – and he told me that at that moment,
he felt an enormous weight lifting off his shoulders.

Was Frank right to do that? Was it real forgiveness? Some might say it wasn’t, because the
abuser never repented or asked for forgiveness. But forgiveness is always a unilateral act.
The person may not seek it or deserve it; they may not even be alive. But we sometimes need
to forgive in order to be free. Forgiveness is primarily a decision to let go of the burden we
carry due to someone’s wrongdoing against us.

I think what Frank did was courageous and real. Time will tell how deep or lasting it is – but
even if some bitterness returns, he can choose to forgive again.

Another story: A woman whose teenage daughter was murdered many years ago found that
she simply could not forgive the killer. As a person of faith, she wanted to forgive, but
couldn’t nd it in her heart. Eventually, she came to a place where she said: “Lord, I just
can’t forgive. You will have to forgive him for me.” And she felt a great sense of relief and
peace. She was able to leave the forgiveness to God, and let go of her own anger. Perhaps that
was her way of forgiving.

Sometimes our inability to forgive is tied up with an inability to grieve. For example, a
person who cannot forgive their deceased parent for the hurts of childhood may need rst to
mourn the fact that they never had the loving parent they needed. Once they grieve that loss,
forgiveness can follow more naturally.

There are things we do (or fail to do) that we nd hard to forgive ourselves for. Yet God is
more willing to forgive us than we are to forgive ourselves! Self-forgiveness often requires an
experience of being accepted by someone else even when we feel we don’t deserve it.

In a veterans’ hospital, there was a patient who had suffered terribly in the war. He had seen
and done things that haunted him. He felt he was beyond forgiveness or mercy. In the hospital
chapel there was a large cruci x. Every day, this man would limp into the chapel on his
crutches, stand before the cruci x and scream at Jesus: “I hate you! I hate you!” This went
on for some time. Then one day, the patient realized he had no more hate left in him – and he
found himself saying, “And… I love you.” In expressing all that rage toward God, he
experienced a breakthrough. He felt heard and understood – and then he could feel love
again.

I’m reminded of something the author Richard Rohr once wrote: “If we don’t transform our
pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” Unresolved pain often gets passed on to others.
Forgiveness is one way of transforming pain, so that we don’t keep transmitting it.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting (sometimes it’s not even wise to forget). It doesn’t mean
excusing or condoning wrongdoing. It means deciding not to seek revenge or retribution;

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 deciding not to let resentment rule our lives. It’s letting go of the desire for a different past –
accepting that what’s done is done, and freeing ourselves to move on.

C.S. Lewis said: “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to
forgive.” We know forgiveness is virtuous, but when we are hurt, it’s the last thing we feel
like doing. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s a decision, often made in spite of our feelings.

Forgiveness takes time. It’s rarely a once-off event. It might need to be revisited, deepened,
renewed. And forgiveness is not always possible immediately – sometimes we need a period
of healing or processing before we can forgive.

Perhaps someone here is struggling to forgive – or struggling to accept forgiveness. Maybe

these words might help: “To forgive is to set a prisoner free, and to discover that the prisoner
was you.” (Often attributed to Lewis Smedes.)

I will nish with two quotes:

Nelson Mandela: “As I walked out of the door toward the gate that would lead to my
freedom, I knew that if I didn’t leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I’d still be in prison.”

Richard Rohr: “Grace is the secret, undeserved key whereby God, the Divine Locksmith,
sets you free from your self-made prisons and merit badge mentality. It shows itself as radical
forgiveness – of reality in general – and then forgiveness of each individual thing – for not
being perfect. This will change your politics and your psychology. Without grace and
forgiveness, everything human devolves into smallness, hurt, victimhood, and blame. When
you stop all weighing and measuring, you are nally in the in nite ocean of God’s grace. God
is not very good at math – and does not know how to count.”

(If needed: Remember my apology to MM. He accepted my apology graciously. I was mad
and resentful at his response. I expected him to say it was nothing, not to worry, forget it. But
he didn’t. He accepted my apology. I really wasn’t ready to apologize… I only realized this
when I reacted!)

Talk 6: Prayer
As a seminarian in Davao, I struggled with prayer. Everyone else seemed to be really into
prayer! I asked Fr. Seán Magnier for advice, but it was no help. During a seminar, we were
re ecting on the Scripture “He sent me to bring the good news to the poor.” I wrote a short
poem-prayer:

God, can it really be true,

that the doubting and questioning ARE YOU!

Once, in prayer (active imagination prayer), I found myself in a desert. There was a camp re,
a circle of people (disciples)… Jesus was present. I was out in the dark. He looked around at
me out in the darkness, and nodded to me to come in. He made room beside himself for me to
sit and enjoy being part of the circle. Some time later I was lying down with my head in his
lap, and he was running his ngers through my hair in a soothing, loving manner.

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And then it was time to go. I got up and Jesus came to say goodbye and give me a hug. As he
was hugging me I found myself thinking of all my past – the mistakes, the wrongs, the things
I am guilty or ashamed about, the many reasons why I believe I am not lovable… and I really
wanted to pull away from his hug because I felt unworthy of his embrace, his acceptance, his
love. And then I realized that he knows me better than I know myself, and he is still hugging
me! So then I really entered into the hug and loved every second of it!

Allowing ourselves to be hugged by God – hugged unconditionally – is a challenging form of

prayer!

In an article on spirituality and aging, Roberta Bondi (a Professor of Church History) writes:
“Like so many of us, I grew up with my images of God and of my loving but perfectionistic,
judgmental father so mixed together that I could not trust God, much less love God.”

As a young boy of about 7 I got a fairly severe wound at the hands of my mother. I was very
close to her, but one day the subject of death came up, and out of the blue, she turned to me
and said: “You wouldn’t care if I died.” Looking back all these years, I can understand that
my Mam was speaking out of her own hunger for love and af rmation – but she did it in a
way that was manipulative and wounding. She used a kind of shock tactic to elicit a strong
emotional reaction from me. At the time I was stunned, shocked. I’m sure tears came to my
eyes and I’d imagine I told her that it wasn’t true, what she had said.

I went away that day feeling isolated and I cried into the leather paws of my teddy bear. I
suspect that I eventually came to the conclusion that even though I did not think it was true,
my mother must be right and that I didn’t really love her. That morphed into a doubt as to
whether my heart was capable of loving anyone. It took a lot of help over many years to
begin to believe that I could love and that I was lovable, and that God could love me.

Also, in some of our Scriptures, and in many of our prayers at Mass and in our Divine Of ce,
we may have our trust in God undermined… because there can be a message of needing to
earn God’s love… a God who will accept us if we are good, or worse still, if we are perfect.
That contaminates the message of Jesus, who showed us unconditional love, and who spoke
of God in terms of a parent who waited and longed for an errant child to return and be
embraced.

You remember the Gospel account in Matthew 14 of Jesus telling Peter to come to him on the
water. I was following a lectio divina meditation on this, and the leader invited me to hear
Jesus calling me to come to him on the water.

Immediately I had a very strong reaction to this suggestion. I had the strongest conviction that
Jesus would not be remotely interested in inviting me to come to him on the water. Jesus
would have no interest in seeing me, in calling me, in being with me. Why would he? I was
shocked at my reaction. My head was telling me that this made no sense, that it was not true,
and that Jesus would indeed welcome me. But I went back to the scene again and my
reaction, and I asked: How does it make sense that my strong visceral sense is one of
rejection?

And what came to mind, and later emerged as I spoke to my spiritual director, was that I
needed to have that negative reaction in order to realize that I was being called into a deeper
level of healing of areas in my life that are still wounded by a sense of abandonment and of

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 not being good enough. So my head was right: Jesus loves unconditionally. But I needed to
hear my gut (my donkey!) also inviting me into a deeper growth, humanly and spiritually.

My training as a psychotherapist was in a centre where the candidates were all ordained (or
its equivalent). We had rather extensive evaluations twice every year. The evaluations were
conducted by a team of staff members: a psychiatrist, a psychologist, a social worker, a
psychotherapist, and a counsellor. Overall the results of these evaluations were 90% positive.
Yet, typically, these priest-candidates would go away preoccupied with the 10% “growing
edges” rather than celebrating the 90%. Generally, as clergy, we are part of a culture and
training that may over-emphasize our failings, our weaknesses, our reasons for guilt, shame,
or a sense of failure.

In their book “Questioning God: God Still Speaks,” Dominican priests Timothy Radcliffe
and Łukasz Popko re ect on Adam and Eve hiding in the garden. Adam and Eve tell God
they were afraid to be seen by God, so they covered their nakedness and hid. God asks: “Who
told you you were naked? Who told you to hide from me? Who told you that you shouldn’t let
me see you? Who told you that I would not love you if I saw you in all your strengths and
weaknesses?”

Some years ago I was given some words to say before beginning prayer each day. I say these
words each day I sit to meditate. The words are: “I enter this time of prayer, to be present, to
be naked, to be embraced, to be bathed in love.”

To be present: over and over again attempting to be present.

To be naked: to trust that God does not need me to hide… to cover up… to let shame or fear
get in the way of letting God see me fully… to let go of any attempt to win God’s love.
To be embraced: to trust that God welcomes me… lights up when God sees me… God not
only loves me but really likes me… and wants to embrace me with a warm, loving, accepting
hug!
To be bathed in love: to let God’s love soak in… into every pore… every atom of my being.

From Genesis – with Adam and Eve – and right throughout the Bible, and so often on Jesus’
lips, we hear: “Do not be afraid,” “Fear not” (as it were: “hide not!”).

To be present, to be naked, to allow oneself to be embraced, to be bathed in God’s love is one

of the challenges of prayer. It takes a lifetime of practice.

And the invitation and challenge is equally to allow and welcome all our brothers and sisters
– and creation itself – to be present, to be naked, fully seen by us; to be embraced… accepted
by us… to be bathed in love… to attempt to nourish and call forth the goodness in all.

So, prayer for me today is asking God for help to really believe in God’s presence. Prayer for
me today is trying to let go of my attempts to win God’s love. Prayer for me today is trying
not to hide any part of me from God. It is trying to be fully naked before God. It asks me not
to edit my prayer to God. Prayer for me is not letting my sins, shame, guilt – my failures or
weaknesses – become an excuse to hide from God.

And nally, to be honest, I have a way to go before I will be free enough to believe that God
would want to embrace me, or bathe me in God’s love… But the journey towards accepting
that is also part of the journey of prayer.

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