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Unit -2

Nine Human Feelings (values) in relationship:

1. Trust (foundation value)
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love (complete value)

1. 'Trust' – the Foundational Value in Relationship

Now we will explore the first feeling, which is the foundational feeling (value) in
relationship.
Feeling of Trust
Trust is to be assured that the other intends to make me happy and prosperous.
In order to understand trust, examine these eight statements:
1a. Do I want to make myself happy? 1b. Am I able to make myself always happy?
2a. Do I want to make the other happy? 2b. Am I able to make the other always happy?
3a. Does the other want to make himself/ herself happy?
3b. Is the other able to make himself/herself always happy?
4a. Does the other want to make me happy?
4b. Is the other able to make me always happy?
Intention (Natural Acceptance)
What is the answer?
Competence
What is the answer?
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The questions 1a to 4a relate to natural acceptance, the intention. Questions 1b to 4b relate to

the competence, the ability. By and large, as far as the statements about the intention, i.e.
natural acceptance, are concerned, there is a tick mark in 1a, 2a and 3a, and there is a
question mark in 4a. When we look at the competence, at the ability, there is a question mark,
right from the beginning – there is a question mark on 1b, 2b, 3b; on 4b there is a big
question mark

Distinguishing between Intention and Competence

Now if you try to analyse your own responses, many things will get clarified. You’ll find that
while evaluating yourself, you evaluate on the basis of your intention (natural acceptance).
You think that you are a good person as your intentions are good. On the other hand, when
you evaluate the other, you evaluate him on the basis of his/her competence. You find that
s(he) is not able to make you happy all the time. Many times, or most of the time he ends up
making you unhappy. Therefore, you think that the other wants to make you unhappy. You
have a doubt on other’s intention.
On the basis of lack of competence, we conclude about the lack of intention of the other.
When we doubt their intention, instead of accepting the other as a relative, we have a feeling
of opposition. This is the common mistake that we make in relationship today. Now that we
have clarity about intention and competence, explore this question: If you have unconditional,
continuous trust on intention, on the natural acceptance of the other and if the other is lacking
competence, what will you do?
a) Try to improve upon his competence
b) Get irritated
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c) Get angry
d) Have a feeling of opposition
The answer is obviously (a). It is a response which indicates trust on intention. All other
answers are reactions based on doubt on intention. Now with these indicators, find out how
many people are there in your life on whom you have trust on intention (natural acceptance)
which is unconditional and continuous.
Generally, we don’t see intention and competence separately. Since competence is generally
lacking, the feeling of unconditional acceptance is almost completely missing; rather there is
a feeling of opposition. With that, we reinforce wrong assumptions like:
• Strangers can’t be trusted (?)
• Trust is developed over a long-time (?)
• Never trust anyone (?)

Thus, if we are able to see intention and competence distinctly, we will be able to place a tick
mark in 4a. We will be assured of the intention of the other human being. And with that, we
will make a programme of interaction with right evaluation of our competence and their
competence (so, this is not ‘blind’ trust)
With the feeling of trust, one is able to see it clearly that the intention is same for all, to be
happy and make other happy. The only difference lies in the level of competence.
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2. Respect– As the Right Evaluation

Out of the nine feelings in relationship, we tried to understand the feeling of Trust. With trust
on intention, the relationship starts. We will now explore the feeling of respect. Let us see,
when do we feel respected? How do I respect others?
Feeling of Respect
Respect is right evaluation.
When we are rightly evaluated, we feel respected. When we are not rightly evaluated, we feel
disrespected.
Disrespect can take place in three ways:
Over evaluation – evaluating for more than what it is
Under evaluation – evaluating for less than what it is
Otherwise evaluation – evaluating for other than what it is
If we look at our day-to-day behavior, we generally tend to do one of these three – over
evaluation, under evaluation or otherwise evaluation. If any of these three takes place, the
other person feels uncomfortable, disrespected.
Minimum Content of Respect – The other is Similar to Me
When we evaluate the human being on the basis of Self, we are able to see that:
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1. Our purpose is the same – As I have a natural acceptance to live with continuous happiness
and prosperity, it is same with the other. So, on the basis of our natural acceptance, we have
the same purpose.
2. Our programme is same – As my programme to achieve continuous happiness and
prosperity is to understand the harmony and live in harmony at all levels of my being (from
human being to the entire existence), it is same with the other. In that sense, our programme
to fulfil our purpose is also same.
3. Our potential is same – As I am endowed with natural acceptance and the activities of
desire, thought and expectation are going on continuously in me, it is the same with the other.
So, our potential is also same. Thus, we can see that the other (Self) is similar to me. This is
the minimum content of respect for a human being.
Disrespect Arising out of Differentiation leading to Discrimination
In general, what we are doing in the name of respect today is differentiating and
discriminating.
First set of differentiation is on the basis of body– on the basis of age, gender, race and
physical strength.
This is based on the gross misunderstanding that human being = Body. The truth is that
human being = co-existence of the Self and the Body.
The second set of differentiation is made on the basis of physical facility – on the basis of
wealth and post. The gross misunderstanding here is that physical facility = happiness. The
truth is that happiness is to be in a state of harmony.
The third basis of differentiation is on the basis of beliefs – on the basis of different isms
(thought systems like socialism, capitalism, etc.), different sects, and different sets of
information prevalent in the society. This is founded on the misunderstanding that if the pre-
conditioning of the other matches with mine, then the other is respectable, otherwise not. The
truth is that pre-conditioning and right understanding are two different things.
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All this differentiation ultimately leads to discrimination, which is disrespect because it is not
naturally acceptable.
Complete Content of Respect – We are Complementary to Each Other
At the level of the Self, only the competence could be different. Competence means how
much of the potential of the Self has been realized. One Self may have realized more of its
potential, while another may have realized less of its potential.
This difference in competence is to be complementary to each other (not to discriminate and
exploit each other).
The complete content of respect is to be able to see that ‘the other is similar to me and we are
complementary’.
Defining one’s complementarity:
• If the other has more understanding, is more responsible than me, I’m committed to
understand from the other
• If I have more understanding than the other, I’m more responsible than the other. I live with
responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the behaviour of the other. I am
committed to facilitate the understanding in the other, once the other is assured in relationship
and not before that
The complete content of respect is
• The other is similar to me in terms of purpose, programme and potential and
• We are complementary to each other in terms of competence
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Thus, respect is right evaluation (of intention and competence on the basis of Self). We are
similar at the level of purpose, programme and potential and we are complementary at the
level of competence. Disrespect arises out of over-evaluation, under-evaluation or otherwise-
evaluation; and also, out of differentiation leading to discrimination on the basis of body,
physical facility or beliefs. Small incidents of disrespect can have long-lasting consequences
– from not speaking to each other, to opposition, break in relationship, divorce, fights and
even war.

With the complete understanding of respect, we can see for every individual on the earth that
we all are the same in terms of intention, program and potential. The only difference may lie
in the level of competence. I may be having higher level of competence in relation to one, but
may be having lower level of competence in relation to another. With this evaluation, one can
work out the program to be complimentary to the other.
All the specific characteristics at the level of Body, physical facility, belief etc. can be used to
express that complementarity.
e.g. a person with greater physical strength do the heavy work
e.g. a person at a higher post can work for the development of more people and so on
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3. Affection
Affection is the feeling of being related to the other.
Affection is the feeling of acceptance for the other as one’s relative. Lack of affection is seen
in the form of opposition, jealousy, etc. The feelings of trust and respect are essential to have
the feeling of affection. When we have the feelings of trust, we feel related to the other;
otherwise we may feel opposed to the other.
4. Care
Care is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for nurturing and protection of the Body
of my relative.
With the feeling of affection, one naturally takes the responsibility for development of the
relative –both at the level of Self as well as at the level of Body. Being responsible to the
Body of one’s relative is Care.
5. Guidance
Guidance is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for development of Self by
ensuring the right understanding and right feeling in the Self of my relative.
Being responsible to the Self of my relative is Guidance.
Generally, our focus is mostly on care because we have come to assume that human being is
Body. We are not even aware of the Self. Therefore, we are not aware that we have to take
care of the Self as well.
6. Reverence
Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for excellence.
Excellence is to be in a state of continuous happiness with the completeness of understanding
of harmony and living in harmony at all levels. Once we achieve excellence, it continues.
Excellence is something definite, something absolute.
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There is a basic difference between working for excellence and competition. If you have
achieved excellence, you would naturally make effort for helping others to achieve
excellence. On the other hand, in competition, we not only do not help rather we hinder the
other to reach to our level.

7. Glory
Glory is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made effort for excellence.
For all those people whom we call great people, when we accept the effort made for
excellence by them, to whatever extent they are able to achieve it, we naturally have a feeling
of glory for them.
8. Gratitude
Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made the effort for my excellence.
In our life, there may be so many people who have been of help to us in the process of
understanding harmony and living in harmony. So, we have this feeling of gratitude for them.
Gratitude is a significant feeling in the development of relationship.
9. Love
Love is the feeling of being related to everyone, to all. It starts from affection, which we have
already explored. If this feeling expands to many and ultimately to all, it is the feeling of
love. So, we begin with the feeling of affection, and complete it with the feeling of love. That
is why, Love is called complete value.
Love is the feeling of being related to all.
Love is expressed in the form of compassion. The feeling of love is for all and it is expressed
to whosoever comes in contact.
Distinguishing Between Love and Infatuation
The feeling of love is not something which is based on sensation. If there is a feeling on the
basis of sensation, this is the case of infatuation where the sensual pleasure becomes the
major goal. Infatuation is conditional – it may last only as long as you are able to get the
sensation or you have hope of getting happiness through sensation. It is very temporary; it
does not last for long. Once the effect wears off, then the long-term issues of feelings become
prominent.
Right Feeling – within Myself or from the Other?
With this background, we can ask ourselves which can have continuity:
• Right feeling in myself or
• Getting right feeling from the other
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The answer is quite obvious that there can be continuity of right feeling, if it is from within
and based on right understanding. But generally, we do keep making effort for getting right
feeling from the other in continuity.
Role of Physical Facility in Fulfilment of Relationship
You can now see that physical facility has a limited role to play in the fulfilment of the
feeling in humanhuman relationship. To fulfil the feeling of care, physical facility is certainly
required. For other than the feeling of care, physical facility only has a symbolic role to play.
Response and Reaction in Behaviour
An important implication of understanding relationship, particularly trust on intention, is the
clarity about problems in living in reaction and the possibility of living with response. With
response, your conduct is definite while with reaction, the conduct is indefinite.
My Participation (Value) in Family
My participation (value) vis-à-vis my family is to ensure harmony in the family, ensure
mutual happiness, ensure justice in the family by way of:
• Ensuring right feelings (trust, respect, affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude
and love) in myself – this leads to my happiness.
Expressing (sharing) these feelings with the other. When the other is able to make the right
evaluation of these feelings, it leads to his/her happiness, thus leading to mutual happiness.
My participation is to be of help to the other in their self-evolution, [Link]
this preparation in the family, I have the ability to participate meaningfully in the larger
society –in the neighbourhood, in the community and so on.
Justice in Relationship
With the above discussion, justice can be understood.
Justice is the recognition, fulfilment and evaluation of human-human relationship, leading to
mutual happiness.
To expand it a bit:
• Recognition of relationship means recognizing the naturally acceptable feelings in
relationship rightly.
• Fulfilment of relationship means
o Ensuring the naturally acceptable feelings in oneself.
o Living with responsibility with the other with these feelings, forming the basis of
relationship. This makes the other comfortable and assured.
o Making effort for mutual development, i.e. development of one’s own competence and
being of help to the other in developing their competence.
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• Evaluation means verifying that I have the right feeling, I am able to express it properly, the
right feeling has reached to the other and the other is able to identify it as the right feeling.
When the recognition, fulfilment and evaluation are right from my side, I feel happy. When
the other is able to evaluate the expression of my feeling rightly, then (s)he also feels happy.
Developing this competence may take time.
Justice is desirable in the family and beyond the family, all the way to the world family