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 Infatuation
My Him? My Her?
T1i, mntin, of two pmoru1litin i,
Iii, th, conlltct o/ two cJwmica1 sub,tJmcn;
if tlam ii tllfY INCtion,
both tff tran,formal.
-Om/un,

Almost everybody knows what infatuation fed like. That eupho­

ria. That tormenl Those sleepleu nighb and ratless days. Awash in
ecstasy or apprehenaion, you daydream during daa or business, for.
get your coat, drive put your turn, sit by the phone, or plan what you
will say-obsaled, longina for the next encounter with "him" or
"her." Then, when you meet again, his slightest gesture stops your
pulse. Her laugh dizzies you. You take foolish rub, say stupid thinp,
laugh too hard. reveal dark secrets, talk all night, walk at dawn, and
often h111 and kiss-oblivious to all the world II you tumble through
a fever, breathless, [Link] by bliss.
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation 39

Despite thousands of poems, songs, books, operas, dramas, myths, of the book you are reading, the movie you just saw, or the problem
and legends that have portrayed infatuation since before the time of you are facing at the office. And every tiny segment of the time the
Christ, despite the countless times a man or woman has deserted two of you have spent together acquires weight and becomes mate-­
family and friends, committed suicide or homicide, or pined away rial for review.
because of love, few scientists have given this passion the study it At 6nt these intrusive reveries occur irregularly. Some informants
deserves. Sigmund Freud dismissed infatuation as a blocked or reported that thoughb of their beloved invaded their consciousness
delayed sex urge. Havelock Ellis called romantic attraction "sex-plus-­ less than s percent of their waking hours. But many said that, as the
friendship,'' an unconvincing description of this fever. And many obsession grew, they spent from 85 to almost 100 percent of their
people assume that infatuation is a mystical, intangible, inexplicable, days and nighb in sustained mental attentivcnaa, doting on this
even sacred experience that de6es the laws of nature and the scrutiny single individual. Moreover, they began to focus on the most trivial
of science. Hundreds of academics and philosophers mention infatu­ aspects of the adored one and aggrandize them in a process Ten~
ation in passina; few have tried to understand this animal attraction caDa [Link].
to another human being. Crysta))[Link] is distinct from [Link] in that the infatuated
pcnon does indeed perceive the weaknesses of his or her idol. In fact.
all of Tennov's limerent subjects could list the faults of their beloved.
Failing in Lave But they simply cast these Bawa aside or convinced themselves that
One telling dissection of this madness, however, is found in Low these defects were unique and charming. And they unremittingly.
dnd Lim,rmce, by psychologist Dorothy Tennov. 2 doted on the po.,itive parts of their sweetheart's physical features and·
In the mid-1g6os Tennov devised approximately two hundred personality.
statements about romantic love and asked four hundred men and Paramount in the daydreams of Tennov's infatuated informants
women at and around the University of Bridgeport, in Connecticut, were two ovmiding sensations: hope and uncertainty. If the cher­
to respond with "true" or "false" reactions. Hundreds of additional ished person gave the slightest po.,itive response, the infatuated part­
individuals answered subsequent versions of her questionnaire. From ner would replay these precious fragmenb in reverie for days. If he or
their responses, as well as their diaries and other personal accounts, she rebuffed one's overtures, uncertainty might tum to despair in­
Tcnnov identified a constellation of characteristics common to this stead and the "limerent" would moon about listlessly, brooding until
condition of "being in love," a state she calls limerence, which some he or she had managed to explain away this setback and renew the
psychiatrists call attraction and I will call infatuation. quest. lnteratingly, a key incendiary waa adversity; this always inten­
The first dramatic aspect of this condition is its inception, the sified one's passion.
moment when another person begins to take on "special meaning." And underlying all of this angst and ecstasy was unmitigated fear.
It could be an old friend seen in a new perspective or a complete A twenty-eight-year-old truck driver summed up what most infor~
stranger, but as one informant put it: "My whole world had been manta felt: "I'd be jumpy out of my head," he said "It was like what
transformed. It had II new center and that center was Marilyn." you might call stage fright, like going up in front of an audience. My
Infatuation then develops in a characteristic pattern, beginning hand would be shaking when I rang the doorbell. When I called her
with "intrusive thinking." Thoughts of the "love object," or the on the phone I fdt like I could hear the pulse in my temple louder
beloved, begin to invade your mind. A certain thing he said rings in than the ringing of the phone.... "
your ear; you see her smile, recall a comment, a special moment, an Most ofTennov's informants reported trembling, pallor, Rushing.
innuendo-and relish it. You wonder what your love would think a general weakness, and overwhelming sensation, of awkwardness,
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation ,ti

stammering, even loss of their most basic faculties and skills. Sten­ hands, our intellect. As newborn infants we can recognize our
dhal, the nineteenth-century French novelist, described this feeling mother by her smell, and as we grow up we come to detect over ten
perfectly. Recalling the afternoons he went strolling with his sweet­ thousand different odors. 4 So if nature be our guide, we are probably
heart, he wrote, "Whenever I gave my arm to Leonore, I always felt susceptible to odor lures.
I was about to fall, and I had to think how to walk. " 3
Shyness, fear of rejection, anticipation, and longing for reciprocity
were other central sensations of infatuation. Above all, there was the
feeling of helplessness, the senae that this passion was irrational,
involuntary, unplanned, uncontrollable.•••

ITJhe human body may produce some of the most powerful

olfactory aphrodisiacs of all. Both men and women have "apocrine"
glands in their armpits, around their nipples, and in the groin that
become active at puberty. These scent boxes differ from "eccrinc"
glands, which cover much of the body and produce an odorless liq.
uid, because their exudate, in combination with bacteria on the skin,
produce the acrid, gamy smell of perspiration.
Infatuation, it seems, is a panoply of intense emotions, roller­ Baudelaire thought one's soul resided in this erotic sweat. The
coastering from high to low, hinged to the pendulum of a single nineteenth-century French novelist Joris Karl Huysmans, used to
being whose whims command you, tO' the detriment of everything follow women through the fields, smelling them. He wrote that the
around you-including work, family, and friends. And this involun­ scent of a woman's underarms "easily uncaged the animal in man."
tary mosaic of -sensations is only partially related to sex. Ninety-five Napoleon agreed. He reportedly sent a letter to his sweetheart, Jose­
percent of Tennov's female informants and 91 percent of her male phine,. saying, "I will be arriving in Paris tomorrow evening. Don't
subjects rejected the statement "The best thing about love is sex." wash."6

Why do we fall in love with Ray instead of Bill, Sue instead of [ The mt1leritll below t1ppe11rs 011 page 41 i11 the origi11t1/.]
Ceciley? Why him? Why her? "The heart has its reaa,ns which
reason knows nothing of," contended philmopher Blaise Pascal.
Scholars can, however, provide some "reasonable" explanations for
this hurricane: of emotion. Today in parts of Greece and the Balkans, some men carry their
handkerchiefs in their armpits during festivals and offer these odorif­
erous tokens to the women they invite to dance; they swear by the
Odor Lures results. In fact, sweat is used around the world as an ingredient in
Infatuation could be triggered, in part, by one of our most primi­ love potions. In Shakespeare's day, a woman held a peeled apple
tive traib-our sense of smell. Every person smells slightly different; under her arm until the fruit became saturated with her scent; then
we all have a personal "odor print" as distinctive as our voice, our she presented this "love apple" to her lover to inhale. • ••
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation iS
Love Maps
His smell or her smell cx,uld spark strong physical and psychological A more important mechanism by which human bcinp become cap­
reactiom. Between your eyes, within your skull, at the base of your tivated by "him" or "her" may be what sexologist John Money calla
brain, some 6ve million olfactory neurons dangle from the roof of your Jove map..1'4 [Link] before you mate on Ra:, as opposed to Bill,
each nasal cavity, swaying in the air currents )'OU inhale. These nerve [The mllterilll above appellr.'i 011 page 44 of the original.]
cells transmit messages to the part of the brain that controls you,
senae of smell But they also link up with the limbic system, a group Sue instead of Ceciley, you have developed a mental map, a template
of primitive structures in the middle of your brain that govern fear, replete with brain circuitry that determines what arouses you sexu­
rage, hate, ecstasy, and lust Because-of this brain wiring, smells have ally, what drives you to fall in love with one person rather than
the potential to create intense erotic feelings. another.
A woman's or a man's smell can release a host of memories too. ~hildren develop these love maps, Money thinks, between ages
The limbic system contains the scat of Jong-term memory; thus you five and eight (or even earlier) in response to family, friends, experi­
can remember odon years after smelling them, whereas many visual ences, and chance usociations. For example, as a child you get used
and auditory perceptions fade in days or weeks. • • • to the turmoil or tranquillity in your house, the way your mother
listens, scolds, and pats you and how your father jokes or walb or
I1'he material llbm1e appears on pa~e 43 of tire ori~i,wl. j smells. Certain temperamental features of your friends and relatives
strike you as appealing; othen you aaociate with disturbing inci­
But Americans, the Japanese, and many other people find body denb. And gradually these memories begin to take on a pattern in
odors offensive; for most of them the smell of perspiration is more your mind, a subliminal template for what tuma you off, what turns
likely to repel than to attract. ••. you on.
But we certainly like commerciaDy made aromas on a mate. We AJ you grow up, this unconscious map takes shape and a compos­
buy fragrant shampoos, scented soaps, after-shave lotions, and per­ ite proto-image of the ideal sweetheart gradually emerges. Then in
fumes at exorbitant prices. Then smcDs of food, fresh air, tobacco, teenage, when sexual feelings Hood the brain, these Jove maps so­
and smells of the office and the home all mix with our natural smells lidify, becoming "quite spcci6c as to detaib of the physiognomy,
to make an odor soup. A silent label. And people respond. In a recent build, race and color of the ideal lover, not to mention temperament,
survey by the Fragrance Foundation, both men and women rated manners and so on." 15 You have a mental picture of your perfect
scent as an important aspect of sex appeal-giving odor an 8.4 mate, the settings you find enticing, and the kinda of amvcrsations
rating on a scale of 10. 13 Like emperor moths, human beings find and erotic activities that excite you.16
smells sexually exciting. So, long before your true love walb past you in a classroom, at a
But cultural opinions about perspiration clearly vary. Climate, shopping mall, or in the office, you have already constructed ,c,me
types of clothing, access to dm1y bathing, conccptl of cleanliness basic elcmcnb of your ideal sweetheart. Then, when )'OU actually see
upbringing, and many other cu1tural variables condition one's appc: someone who fib within these paramctcn, you fall in Jove with him
tite for odors. • • • or her and project onto this "love blot" your unique love map. The
recipient generally deviates considerably from your actual ideal. But
This much I propose, however: when you meet someone new
you brush aside these inconsistencies to dote on your own construc­
whom you 6nd attractive, you probably ..like the smell of him " and
tion. Hence Chaucer's famous words "Love is blynd."
this helps predispose you to romance. Then, once infatuatUX: flow•
en, the scent of your sweetheart becomes an aphrodisiac a contin-
uing stimulant to the love affair. '
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation 49

The Clune Last, as a rule we arc drawn to people like ourselves. Likes tend to
marry likes-individuals of the same ethnic group, with similar
But let there be mystery. A degree of unfamiliarity is essential to physical traib and levels of education, what anthropologists call
infatuation; people,almost never become captivated by someone positive assortive mating.
they- know well-a a clauic study on an Israeli b'bbutz. clarly Infatuation generally fint takes place shortly after puberty. But it
111,e material ahm•e llppears 011 page 47 of the origi11al.J can happen at any stage in life. Children experience puppy love;
illustntes.21 Here infants were placed in peer groups during the day [The material abo,•e appears 011 p"ge 48 of the origi11al.)
while their parents worked. Before the age of ten thc:se children some octogenarians fall crazily in Jove. Once an individual becomes
often engaged in sexual play, but as they moved into adolescence receptive; though, he or she is in danger of falling in love with the
boys and girls became inhibited and tense with one another. Then, next reasonably acceptable person who comes along.
in teenage, they developed sbong brother-sister bonds. Almost none
married within their peer group, however. A study of 2,76g kibbut­
zim marriages found that only 13 occurred between peers and that Lave at First Sight
in each of them one mate had left the communal group before the It is this constellation of factors appearing aH at once-including
age of six. timing, barriers, mystery, similarities, a matched love map, even the
Apparently during a critical period in childhood, most individuals right smells-that make )'OU susceptible to falling in love. Then,
lme forever all sexual desire for those they see regularly. Mystery is when that potential love object cocb his oi her head, smiles or [Link]
critical to romantic love. at you, you get that rush. It can happen gradually or in a second­
Barners also seem to provoke this madness. The chase. If a penon hence the phenomenon of love at first sight
is diftic:ult "to get" it piques one's interest In fact, this element of And this powerful, sometimes instantaneous attraction is not
conquest is often central to infatuation, hence what has become
unique to W estemen.
known as the Romeo and Juliet effect: if real impediments exist,
such as the family feud between Shakespeare's Montagues and
Capulets, thc:se obstructions are likely to intensify one's pauion. No
wonder people fall for an individual who is married, a foreigner, or ... Vatsya, the author of the Kama Sutrrt, the classic work on love in
someone separated from them by an obstacle that appears almost Sanskrit literature, lived in India sometime between the lint and
insurmountable. Yet generally there must also be some slight possi­ sixth century A.D., and he clearly descn'bed romantic love between
bility of ful61lment before one's 6nt stirrings of infatuation escalate men and women. He even provided ~iled instructions on how
into an obsession. · couples might court, embrace, kia, fondle, and copulate. Despite
Timing also plays an important role in infatuation.22 When in­ the Confucian emphasis on filial piety that has long saturated Chi­
dividuals are b>king for adventun:, craving to 1cavc home, lonely, nese mores, written tales dating back to the seventh century A.D.
displaced in a foreign country, passing into a new stage in Jife, or reveal the agony of men and women tom between obedience to their
financially and psychologically ready to share themselves or start a elders and romantic passion for a loved one. 24 In traditional Japan,
family, they become susceptible. From her questanJaue1 and inb:r­ star-crossed lovm sometimes chose double suicide, known as shin iu,
views with over eight hundred Americans, Tenncw rep01ted--that when they found themselves betrothed to different partners.
infatuation occuned only after one had become ready to shower The eastern Cherokee believed that if a )'OUng man sings to a girl
attention on a love object. at midnight, "she will dream of him, become lonesome for him and,
50 ANATOMY OJI' LOVE Infatuation

when they next meet, be drawn irresistibly to him." Yubghir girls of

northeast Siberia wrote "love letten" on birch bark. In Bali, men
believed a woman would. "fall in love" if her suitor fed her a certain
kind of leaf incised with the image of a god who sported a veey large 'lne Chemistry of Love
penis.
People probably began to discuss attractiQn more than a million
Even peoples who deny having concepb of "love" or "being in
yean ago as they lay on riverbanks in Africa_ to rest and watch. the
love" act otherwise. Mangaians of Polynesia are c&aual in their sexual
sky. More-recent thinkers have come up W1th astute observations
alain, but occasionally a [Link] young man who is not permitted
about this fever. W. H. Auden likened sexual craving to "an intoler­
to many his girl&iend kills himself. The Bem-Bem of the New
able neural itch." H. L Mencken described it differently, saying,
Guinea highlands do not admit that they feel this passion either, but
"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anaesthesia."
a girl sometimes refuses to many the man whom her father has
Both sensed that something physical was happening in the brain,
chosen for her and runs away with a "true love" instead. The Tiv of
anticipating what could be an astonishing discove,y about the chem­
Africa, who have no fonnaJ concept of romance, caD this passion
"madnea."2' istry of Jove.
Love stories, myths, legends, poems, song.,, instruction manuals,
love potions, love charms, loven' quanels, trysts, elopemenb, and
suicides are part of life in traditional societies around the world. In
fact, in a survey of 168 cultures, anthropologisb William Jankoviak.
and Edward Fischer were able to 6nd direct evidence for the exis­
tence of romantic love in 87 percent of these vastly different peer
ples.26
This madness, this limerencc, this attraction, thia infatuation, this
ecstasy so regularly ignored by scicntisb, must be a universal human
trait.
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation S3

This violent emotional disturbance that we call infatuation (or as norepinephrine and dopamine) may play a role. Within and con­
attraction) may begin with a small molecule called phenylethyla­ necting the three basic parts of the brain are neurons, or nerve cells;
mine, or PEA. Known as the excitant amine, PEA is a substance in there are at least one hundred billion of them. Impulses travel
the brain that causes feelings of elation, exhilaration, and euphoria. through one neuron and jump across a gap-a synapse-to the next
But to understand exactly how PEA might contribute to attraction, nerve cell. This way they gambol along the neuronal highways of the
you need to know a few things about the inside of your head. mind.
The human brain is about the siu of a grapefruit, weighing ap­ PEA lies at the end of some nerve cells and helps the impulse
proximately three pounds, with an average volume of about 1,400 jump from one neuron to the next. Equally important, PEA is a
cubic centimcten. It is about three times larger than those of our natural amphetamine; it revs up the brain. So psychiatrist Michael
closest relatives, chimpanzees and gorillas, whoie average btain Liebowitz of the New York State Psychiatric Institute speculates
volumes are approximately 400 and 500 cubic centimeters respec. that we feel infatuation when neurons in the limbic system, our
tively. emotional core, become saturated or sensitized by PEA and/or other
In the 197os neuroscientist Paul Maclean postulated that the brain chemicals-and stimulate the brain. 29
brain is divided into three general sections. Actually, it is a good deal No wonder )oven can stay awake all night talking and caresnng.
more complex than this, but MacLean's pe1spective is still useful as No wonder they become so absentminded, so giddy, so optimistic, so
an overview. The most primitive section sunounds the final bulb at gregarious, so full of life. Naturally occurring amphetamines have
the end of the spinal cord. This area, which deserves its reputation as pooled in the emotional centen of their brains; they are high on
the ..reptilian brain," governs instinctual behaviors such as ~ natural "speed."
sion, tenitoriality, ritual, and the establishment of social hierarchies.
We probably use this area of the brain in courtship when we "in.
stinctively" strut, preen, and 8irt. Romance Junkies
Above and surrounding the reptilian brain is a group of structures Liebowitz and his colleague Donald Klein arrived at this conclusion
in the middle of the head known collectively as the limbic system. while treating patients they called attraction junkies. These people
... [T] hese structures govern the basic emotions­ crave a relationship. In their haste they pick an unsuitable partner.
fear, rage, joy, sadness, disgust, love, and hate. So when you are Soon they are rejected, and their exhilaration turns to despair-until
overcome with happiness, paralyzed with fright, infuriated, revolted, they renew their quest As this cycle of miserable love affain pro­
or despondent, it is portions of the limbic system that are producing ceeds, the romance junkie swings from feeling brokenhearted and
electrical and chemical disturbances. The storm of infatuation aJ. desperately depressed to feeling elated over each inappropriate, ilJ.
most certainly has its physical origin here. fated romantic Bing.
Overlaying the limbic system (and separated by a large layer of Both psychiatrists suspected that these lovesick people suffered
white matter that communicates between brain parts) is the cortex, from a tangle in their romantic wiring-specifically a craving for
a gray, convoluted rind of spongy matter that lies directly below the PEA. So in some highly experimental work they gave these attrac­
skull. The cortex processes basic functions like . sight, hearing, tion junkies MAO inhibiton. These antidepressant drugs block the
speech, and mathematical and musical abilities. Most important, the action of a special enzyme in the brain-monoamine oxidase, or
cortex integrates your emotions with your thoughts. It is this section MAO, a class of substances that break down PEA and other neuro­
of the brain that thinlt, about "him" or "her." transmitters (norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin). Thus
Here, then, is how PEA (and probably other neurochemicals, such MAO inhibitors actually boost levels of PEA and these other natural
54 ANATOMY OP LOVE Infatuation 55

amphetamines, heightening the infatuation high. the urine of parachute jumpers before and after a jump. During
To everyone's astonishment. within weeks of receiving MAO in­ free-fall, PEA levels soared. A divorcing couple also experienced a
hibitors, one perpetually lovesick man began to choose his partners PEA high during court proceedings. 31 It appears, then, that PEA
more carefully, even starting to live comfortably without a mate. gives us no more than a shot of exhilaration and apprehension-a
Apparently he no longer craved the PEA high he used to get from chemical high that accompanies a range of experiences, including
his exciting yet disastrous love affairs. • •. infatuation.

Psychiatrist Hector Sabelli independently arrived at the same con­

clusion about PEA. In a -study of thirty-three people who were hap­ Cupid's Second Arrow: Culture
pily attached to a "significant other" and who reported to Sabelli Liebowitz's and Sabclli's work on the chemistry of love has caused a
that they were feeling great, all were found to have high levels of the great deal of controversy, not only among colleagues who, like them,
PEA metabolite in their urine too. PEA levels were low in a man and recognize that this research is still speculative, but also among those
woman who were going through a divorce-probably, he says, be­ embroiled in the old nature/nurture controversy-that perennial
cause both spouses were suffering from a low-grade depression as debate about how much of our behavior derives from genes, from
they parted. JO nature and heredity, how much of human conduct stems from
childhood experiences, from culture, from what we learn.

Auden and Mencken probably described romantic attraction as­

tutely. The feeling of infatuation may result from a deluge of PEA
and/or other natural stimulants that saturate the brain, transforming ..• IC] ulture plays a major role in love. You begin in
the senses, altering reality. childhood to like and dislike the smells in your environment. You
learn to respond to certain kinds of humor. You get used to the peace
or hysteria in your home. And you begin to build your love map from
But infatuation is more than exhilaration. It is part of love, a deep, your experiences. Then, in teenage, you join the military, go away to
"mystical" devotion to another human being. Is thi1 complex sensa­ college, or become otherwise displaced. These and many other cul­
tion due solely to natural stimulants. in the brain? tural events determine whom you love, when you love, where you
Not at all. In fact, PEA may give us no more than a generalized love. But after you find that special person, it is probably PEA and/
sense of awakeness, alertness, excitement and an elevated mood, as
Sabelli suggests. SabeUi measured the amount of PEA released in
 ANATOMY OF LOVE Infatuation ,,
or other natural neurochemicals in the brain that direct how you feel Liebowitz suspects that the end of infatuation is also grounded in
di you love. ~ usual, culture and biology go hand in hand. brain physiology. He theorizes that the brain cannot eternally main­
tain the revved-up state of romantic bliss. Either the nerve endings
become habituated to the brain's natural stimulants or levels of PEA
(and/or other natural amphetamine-like substances) begin to drop.
Tennov also round variation among the over eight hundred Amer­ The brain can no longer tolerate the onslaught of these drugs. As he
icans she polled about romance in the I g6os and 197os. A few men sums it up, "If you want a situation where you and your long-term
and women claimed that they had never felt infatuation, whereas partner can still get very excited about each other, you'will have to
others fell in love quite frequently. But Tcnnov reports that the vast work on it. because in some ways you are bucking a biological
majority of both gendcn experienced the ecstasy of romantic love­ tide."J5
and they felt it "in roughly equal proportions." Sexologists John
Money and Anke Ehrhardt con6rm this; like T ennov, they found no Now an even more insidious emotion emerges-attachment. This is
gender differences in the experience of infatuation.n the warm, comfortable, secure feeling that so many couples report.
Scientists are far from understanding this obsession. But one fact And Liebowitz is convinced that, as infatuation wanes and attach­
is becoming undeniable infatuation is a physical as well as a psycho­ ment grows, a new chemical system is taking over-the opiates of
logical phenomenon. And physical mechanisms evolve through evo­ the mind. These substances, the endorphins (short for "endogenous
lution. The limbic system, the emotional core of the brain, is rudi­ morphines"), are chemically similar to morphine, an opiate, a nar­
mentary in reptiles but well developed in all mammals.... cotic. Like PEA. the endorphins reside at the brain's nerve endings,
travel between synapses from one nerve cell to the next, and pool
in speci6c areas in the brain. Unlike PEA, they calm the mind, kill
Alas, infatuation fades. As Emerson put it, "Love is strongest in
pain, and reduce anxiety.
pursuit, friendship in possession." At some point, that old black
Liebowitz theori2'.CS that partnm in the attachment stage of love
magic wanes. For teenagers a "crush" can last a week. Lovers who trigger the production of endorphins in each other, giving each the
see each other irregularly, because of some barrier like an ocean or a sense of safety, stability, tranquillity. Now lovers can tallt and cat and
wedding ring from another pcJSOn, can sometimes sustain that smit­ sleep in peace. 36
ten feeling for several years.
No one has speculated about how long the stage of attachment
Yet there docs seem to be a general length to this condition. lasts, either in the brain or in relationships. I suspect it varies with
Tennov measured the duration of romantic love, from the moment
different human brains. with social circumstances. and with a2e.••• [Tl he
infatuation hit to when a "feeling of neutrality" for one's love object older you get, the easier it is to remain attached. But the sensation of
(11,e material below appears ,m page 57 i11 the original.) infatuation has both a be2innin2 and an end. A. Stendhal brilliantlv out it.
began. She concluded, "The most frequent interval, as well as the "Love is like a fever that comes and goes quite independently of the will."
average-, is between approximately 18 months and three years." John fThe 111ateri11/ hellJw appears 011 p11ge 58 i11 tl,e origi11al. l
Money agrees, proposing that once you begin to see your sweetheart
regularly the passion typically last two to three years. J4 Why does love ebb and 8ow7 The pulse of infatuation, like many ol
our courting gestures, may be part of nature's scheme-soft-wired in
the brain by time. by evolution. and by ancient patterns of huma11
bonding.