Name: Joel Rivera
Editing, Proofreading, and Revising Activity
Part 1: Definitions
Directions: Define each term using your own words.
1) Proofreading: double checking for errors like Grammar, comma splice, run ons, and
fragments.
2) Editing: making sure it sounds correct and not sloppy.
3) Revising: making sure your paragraphs are organized and it makes sense.
Part 2: Example
Draft 3:
Planning a trip to the moon differs in no essential respect from planning a trip to
the beach. You have to decide what to take along, what to leave behind. Should the
thermos jug go? The child's rubber horse? The dill pickles? These are the sometimes
fateful decisions on which the success or failure of the whole outing turns.
Something goes along that spoils everything because it is always in the way;
something gets left behind that is desperately needed for comfort or for safety. The
men who drew up the moon list for the astronauts planned long and hard and well.
(Should the vacuum cleaner go, to suck up moondust?) Among the items they sent
along, of course, was the little jointed flagpoles and the flag that could be stiffened
to the breeze that did not blow. (It is traditional among explorers to plant the flag.)
Yet the two men who stepped out on the surface of the moon were in a class by
themselves and should have been equipped accordingly: they were of the new breed
of men, those who had seen the earth whole. When, following instructions, they
colored the moon red, white, and blue, they were fumbling with the past—or so it
seemed to us, who watched, trembling with awe and admiration and pride. This
moon plant was the last scene in the long book of nationalism, one that could have
well been omitted. The moon still holds the key to madness, which is universal, still
controls the tides that lap on shores everywhere, still guards lovers that kiss in every
land under no banner but the sky. What a pity we couldn't have forsworn our little
Iwo Jima scene and planted instead a banner acceptable to all—a simple white
handkerchief, perhaps, symbol of the common cold, which, like the moon, affects us
all!
Name: Joel Rivera
After reading the passage above, answer the following.
1) In your own words, what is the THESIS of this passage?
2) Highlight or Bold the specific section in the passage that best captures this thesis.
Draft 6:
The moon, it turns out, is a great place for men. One-sixth gravity must be a lot of
fun, and when Armstrong and Aldrin went into their bouncy little dance, like two
happy children, it was a moment not only of triumph but of gaiety. The moon, on
the other hand, is a poor place for flags. Ours looked stiff and awkward, trying to
float on the breeze that does not blow. (There must be a lesson here somewhere.) It
is traditional, of course, for explorers to plant the flag, but it struck us, as we
watched with awe and admiration and pride, that our two fellows were universal
men, not national men, and should have been equipped accordingly. Like every
great river and every great sea, the moon belongs to none and belongs to all. It still
holds the key to madness, still controls the tides that lap on shores everywhere, still
guards the lovers that kiss in every land under no banner but the sky. What a pity
that in our moment of triumph we did not forswear the familiar Iwo Jima scene and
plant instead a device acceptable to all: a limp white handkerchief, perhaps, symbol
of the common cold, which, like the moon, affect us all, unites us all!
After reading the passage above, answer the following questions.
1) In your own words, what is the thesis of this passage?
2) Highlight or Bold the specific section in the passage that best captures this thesis.
Name: Joel Rivera
3) Why do you think the thesis is easier to identify in the 2nd passage instead of the firsts
one?