Question:
You must answer this question. Write your answer in 220 - 260 words in an
appropriate style on the separate answer sheet.
Your class has just attended a student discussion on different ways of keeping
informed about the news. You have made the notes below:
Ways of keeping informed about the news:
• printed newspapers
• television
• the internet
Some opinions expressed in the discussion:
"The amount of in-depth reporting is really impressive."
"Live images give additional impact to the news."
"You can access the news online anywhere, anytime."
Write an essay for your tutor discussing two of the ways in your notes. You should
explain which way you think is more effective in keeping informed about the
news, giving reasons in support of your opinion.
You may, if you wish, make use of the opinions expressed in the discussion, but
you should use your own words as far as possible.
My response:
It goes without saying that ways of knowing the world around you have been
diversified with the advancement in technology. However, when it comes to
choosing one as more effective, such a choice cannot be more difficult. In this
essay, two ways, printed newspaper and the Internet will be discussed before a
final conclusion is reached.
In the olden days, the newspapers were the sole source of information for the
public, which also explains why they were held in such a high regard at that time.
These foldable pages include miscellaneous articles in different chunks, varying
from Politics, Sports to Education. However, with the advent of other alternatives,
its downsides finally surfaced above the water, like its low efficiency in updates
and its packed layout, which signals a rundown of its industry.
Gone are the days when you could shroud your face in printed newspapers, here
comes the thriving Internet. In comparison with traditional news reading, it is way
more flexible, portable and accessible. Speaking of its flexibility, webpages enable
us to adapt the text size, fonts and even broadcast the contents while the
newspapers were stuck in a rigid and fixed style. Moreover, the need to fold and
unfold every time you read has been completely superseded by a few screen taps.
Also, there is no time and space limit as you can access the news anywhere and
anytime you like.
All things being equal, as far as I’m concerned, the Internet is a more effective
way.
Your essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and effectively
addresses the requirements of the Cambridge Advanced English (CAE) Writing
Part 2. Below is a detailed evaluation based on the CAE assessment criteria, along
with feedback and suggestions for improvement:
---
### **1. Content (5/5)**
Your essay fully addresses the task by discussing two ways of keeping informed
about the news (printed newspapers and the internet) and clearly states which
method you believe is more effective. You provide relevant reasons to support
your opinion, and the essay is well-focused.
**Strengths:**
- The introduction sets up the discussion effectively.
- You provide a balanced comparison of the two methods before concluding.
- The conclusion is clear and aligns with your argument.
**Suggestions:**
- While the essay is well-developed, you could briefly mention the opinion about
"live images" from the task to make your response even more aligned with the
input material.
---
### **2. Communicative Achievement (4.5/5)**
Your essay uses an appropriate formal tone and maintains a clear purpose
throughout. The structure is logical, and the ideas are communicated effectively.
**Strengths:**
- The essay is well-organized and uses a formal, academic style.
- You effectively paraphrase the opinions from the task (e.g., "You can access the
news online anywhere, anytime").
- The conclusion is persuasive and ties the essay together.
**Suggestions:**
- To enhance the communicative achievement, you could include a stronger topic
sentence at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader more explicitly.
For example, "The internet has revolutionized the way we access news due to its
unparalleled flexibility and accessibility."
---
### **3. Organization (4.5/5)**
The essay is logically organized, with clear paragraphs and a coherent progression
of ideas. Linking words and cohesive devices are used effectively.
**Strengths:**
- Each paragraph has a clear focus (introduction, printed newspapers, the internet,
conclusion).
- Linking words like "however," "moreover," and "also" improve the flow.
- The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument.
**Suggestions:**
- Consider using more varied linking phrases, such as "On the other hand," "In
contrast," or "Furthermore," to add variety and sophistication.
- The transition between the discussion of printed newspapers and the internet
could be smoother. For example, you could write, "While printed newspapers have
their merits, the internet offers a more modern and efficient alternative."
---
### **4. Language (4.5/5)**
Your language is generally accurate, with a good range of vocabulary and
grammatical structures. The essay demonstrates a strong command of English.
**Strengths:**
- You use advanced vocabulary effectively (e.g., "diversified," "superseded,"
"rundown").
- Grammatical structures are varied and mostly accurate (e.g., "Gone are the days
when...").
- The tone is formal and appropriate for the task.
**Suggestions:**
- There are minor grammatical issues, such as "its downsides finally surfaced
above the water" (awkward phrasing; consider "its downsides became apparent").
- Some sentences could be more concise. For example, "which also explains why
they were held in such a high regard at that time" could be simplified to "which
explains their high regard at the time."
- Proofread for minor errors, such as "ways of knowing the world around you"
(better phrased as "ways of staying informed about the world").
---
### **Overall Band Score: 18.5/20 (Grade A)**
Your essay is well-written and meets the requirements of the CAE Writing Part 2
task. It demonstrates a strong understanding of the task, effective organization, and
a high level of language proficiency. With minor improvements in phrasing,
transitions, and grammatical accuracy, your essay could achieve an even higher
score.
---
### **Key Recommendations for Improvement:**
1. **Content:** Briefly reference the opinion about "live images" to fully align
with the task input.
2. **Communicative Achievement:** Use stronger topic sentences to guide the
reader.
3. **Organization:** Add more varied linking phrases and improve transitions
between paragraphs.
4. **Language:** Simplify awkward phrasing and proofread for minor
grammatical errors.
Keep up the excellent work! Your essay demonstrates a strong ability to write
persuasively and coherently, which is essential for success in the CAE exam.