VIETNAM NATIONAL UNIVERSITY HO CHI MINH CITY
UNIVERSITY OF SOCIAL SCIENCES AND HUMANITIES
FACULTY OF ENGLISH LINGUISTICS AND LITERATURE
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ADVANCED READING
READING PROJECT - BOOK REVIEW
MEN ARE FROM MARS,
WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS
(John Gray)
GROUP 2
Name Student ID
1 Lê Ngọc Đăng Khoa 2257010082
2 Nguyễn Phương Mai 2257010100
3 Nguyễn Thị Như Quỳnh 2257010165
4 Bùi Thạch Minh Thư 2257010201
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. Summary...............................................................................2
II. Introduction......................................................................... 3
III. Good aspects...................................................................... 5
IV. Changes.............................................................................. 8
V. Recommendations..............................................................10
VI. Conclusion....................................................................... 11
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I. Summary
“Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus”, a 13 chapters
psychology book by John Gray explores the complexities of relationships
between men and women, using the metaphorical concept of different planets to
illustrate their inherent differences. Gray delves into how these differences in
communication styles, emotional needs, and problem-solving approaches can
lead to misunderstandings and conflicts. He emphasizes the importance of
recognizing and embracing these differences to foster greater understanding and
empathy in relationships. Through practical strategies and communication
techniques, Gray offers guidance on managing conflicts, expressing love, and
nurturing intimacy. Central to the book is the idea of appreciating and
celebrating the unique qualities each gender brings to a relationship, rather than
viewing differences as sources of conflict. By actively listening, acknowledging
feelings, and respecting perspectives, couples can build stronger connections
based on mutual respect and love. "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from
Venus" serves as a valuable resource for couples seeking to navigate the
complexities of gender differences and cultivate fulfilling relationships.
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II. Introduction
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (1992) is a self-help book
in the psychology genre. It was written by an American relationship counselor
John Gray. John Gray is a professional author with 17 books of experiences
writing on relationships and personal growth. The aim of the book is to assist
couples in strengthening their bond by recognizing the differences between men
and women. Moreover, through real-life examples and practical advice, the
author offers readers a roadmap for discovering the secrets to successful
communication and connection with their partners. This is also the main goal
that the author wants to transmit to readers. This books includes 13 chapters:
● Chapter 1: Men Are from Mars Women Are from Venus
● Chapter 2: Mr. Fix-‐‑It and the Home-‐‑Improvement Committee
● Chapter 3: Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk
● Chapter 4: How to Motivate the Opposite Sex
● Chapter 5: Speaking Different Languages
● Chapter 6: Men Are Like Rubber Bands
● Chapter 7: Women Are Like Waves
● Chapter 8: Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs
● Chapter 9: How to Avoid Arguments
● Chapter 10: Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex
● Chapter 11: How to Communicate Difficult Feelings
● Chapter 12: How to Ask for Support and Get It
● Chapter 13: Keeping the Magic of Love Alive
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Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a book that has helped
millions of couples change their relationships, help men and women realize how
different they are, and how to express their needs. We can easily see this point
through the cover page of this book. It presents a simple yet meaningful image
including: two symbols, each of them representing a distinct gender but they
bond with each other as a full integration . Moreover, through its cover, the
author wants to emphasize the difference between men and women while also
expressing the desire for connection and understanding.
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III. Good aspects
The initial detail to be introduced must be the way John builds up the
setting for this book. In the captivating world of John's book, readers are
transported to the celestial realms of Mars and Venus, where psychology
takes on a refreshingly engaging hue. Through the ingenious use of these
symbolic planets, John deftly navigates the intricacies of human behavior,
offering a lens through which the dynamics between genders unfold with
clarity and grace. Drawing from ancient mythology, he masterfully
intertwines the attributes of Mars and Venus, infusing the narrative with the
essence of strength, aggression, femininity, and romance.
One of the book's crowning achievements lies in its meticulous research.
Throughout 13 chapters, John states out many intriguing pieces of
information, which have also been researched evidently. In Chapter 6, John
introduces readers to the intriguing concept of the rubber band theory, a
revelation that resonates deeply with many, and also one of the most
remarkable details in the book. Through vivid analogy, he paints a portrait of
man as a resilient rubber band, oscillating between intimacy and autonomy in
a natural cycle of connection and retreat.
As John unravels the intricacies of this phenomenon, readers are
beckoned to contemplate the ebb and flow of relationships with newfound
understanding. Far from a flaw, the periodic retreat of a man symbolizes not
detachment, but rather a poignant need for solitude to reignite the fires of
love and intimacy. Like a taut rubber band, when stretched to its limit, the
eventual return is imbued with a fervent intensity, enriching the bond between
lovers.
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Indeed, John's insights extend beyond mere observation, delving into the
consequences of stagnant relationships. Through compelling analogy, he
warns of the peril of complacency, likening it to a neglected rubber band that
loses its elasticity over time. In a relationship where stagnation reigns, the
vibrancy of love fades into monotony, underscoring the importance of
embracing the natural rhythm of closeness and retreat.
Another outstanding achievement of the book lies in its in-depth
psychological analysis. In Chapter 2, John Gray highlighted the differences
in how men and women understand and express their emotions. A profound
and insightful discovery left an impression on the readers. This is when he
described how men often need time alone to process and solve problems,
while women tend to want to share and talk about their issues to feel listened
to and understood.
To start with, John pointed out the core difference between men and women is
that a man tends to try to change the emotions of woman when she is upset by
taking on the role of problem solver and providing solutions that may dismiss
her feelings, while a woman seeks to alter the actions of man when he makes
mistakes by assuming the role of the home improvement committee and
offering unsolicited advice or criticism. If we stand in the shoes of both men
and women, we can understand why they act and think in such ways. Women
represent fragility and vulnerability, so when they face difficulties in life, they
may feel overwhelmed and panicked. What they need is encouragement and
comfort from men so that they do not feel alone when dealing with external
negativities. So, what about the perspective of men? Men symbolize strength
and independence, so they prefer to solve their problems on their own unless
they actively seek help or advice from others. The difference between these
two extremes does not mean that all thoughts and actions towards each other
are wrong; the key lies in the timing and approach.
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In the second place, understanding these problems, the author has
provided practical solutions for both men and women. A woman will greatly
appreciate the solutions that a man offers but not when she is sad. When she
is sad and starts talking about issues, it is not the time to provide solutions;
instead, she wants to be listened to and gradually feel better. Because what is
important is that she does not need fixing; she needs care and sharing. In
addition, a man will appreciate advice given by a woman when requested.
Unsolicited advice accompanied by criticism, especially after he makes a
mistake, will make him feel unloved and disrespected. What he needs is more
acceptance than her advice. When a man feels that a woman is not trying to
improve him, he is much more likely to ask for her feedback and advice.
Through the prominent details above, John has provided readers with
deep and realistic insights into the differences between men and women in
relationships so that we can better understand our partners. John Gray's book
"Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" is also highly praised for its
easy-to-understand presentation that resonates with readers. Furthermore, the
book offers practical and useful methods to resolve conflicts and improve
relationships in both family and romantic settings. The author combines
theory with specific action steps helps readers not only understand the issues
but also know how to apply them in reality.
Overall, "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" is an educational
and engaging book that offers a fresh perspective on male-female
relationships and provides useful tools to enhance communication and
understanding in relationships.
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IV. Changes
Besides several beneficial elements mentioned in the previous part, this
book also brings some unsatisfied feelings for the reader.
Firstly, the perspective of John Gray may be stereotyped, which is
expressed obviously in how men and women cope with stress. The author
says that men and women are different when they're stressed. About men, he
says “When a Martian gets upset he never talks about what is bothering him.
“The man becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his
problem, mulling it over to find a solution”. These sentences can make the
reader feel like men are as lonely as a wolf, they have to go through their
problems independently. Although Gray is an American relationships
counselor and lecturer, after over 30 years, a part of his thinking seems not
fixed at this age. Nowadays, in a fast-paced society, each person, not except
men, also has a weak spirit inside themselves. For this reason, sharing and
sympathy are needed for men, which can make them feel at ease and be
encouraged. Thus, maybe, the author needs to talk deeply about this aspect of
man. Besides men, the author mentions that “When a Venusian becomes
upset or is stressed by her day, to find relief, she seeks out someone she trusts
and then talks in great detail about the problems of her day”. It is undeniable
that women are emotional and vulnerable, so they need someone to share
their stories and feelings in a day. However, sometimes women become
independent and silent, they need to go to their cave to look back at their
issues again because they know only they can solve these problems. When a
woman turns on an independent mood, she will elude the world and give
herself a comfortable space to heal and find the solution. Therefore, at this
point, the author may need to be considered again.
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Secondly, Gray is biased toward the man. Upon reviewing the particular
book, it seems like the author suggests that being alone, especially in vast
expanses, is not only natural but even desirable, especially for men. On the
other hand, women are depicted as expected to accept this notion without
much agency. This partiality seems to stem from the author's perspective as a
man, shaping his portrayal of women as subordinate to men and reinforcing
traditional gender norms. In essence, the author implies that women are
supposed to adapt to and complement the traits associated with men, which
highlights how society sees men and women.
Finally, there is no research on the static in this book. The readers can
easily see the static in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. The
credibility of the aforementioned book may be questioned due to its reliance
on statistics without accompanying empirical research for validation. For
instance, sentences such as “it seems as if only 5 percent of his mind is
available for the relationship while the other 95 percent is still at work” lack
substantiation through empirical inquiry. Similarly, the assertion that “Any
challenging activity that initially requires only 5 percent of his mind can
assist him in forgetting his problems and becoming unstuck” lacks empirical
evidence to support its validity. Therefore, the trustworthiness of such claims
would be significantly enhanced through empirical research. Utilizing
statistics in conjunction with empirical evidence would bolster the credibility
of the book's assertions, thereby increasing its reliability and validity. Thus,
the inclusion of rigorous research methodologies to substantiate statistical
claims would contribute to a more robust and trustworthy scholarly work.
In conclusion, upon closer examination, it becomes evident that revisiting
and carefully reconsidering the aforementioned points has the potential to
significantly enhance the quality of this book.
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V. Recommendations
Who should read this book :
- A book for couples who are in love, married, or have children; couples
who are feeling stuck in their relationship because of unnecessary
conflicts; people who have a deep desire to comprehend their spouses and
kids. This book will help to improve their relationships or gain a deeper
understanding of the opposite sex, please choose the chapter suitable for
your situation.
- Single people who would like to be in love, we think you would love this
book. We can’t make sure that after reading this book, you will have a
lover, but let’s try to read it.
Or if you want to read more books that dig into the topic much deeper
and in a more accurate, scientific manner. We highly recommend "The Five
Love Languages" book by Gary Chapman to you
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VI. Conclusion
The book serves just as a springboard for knowledge; it will guide you
back to your spouse and provide you with some life lessons to help you along
the path. We don’t make sure that reading this book will not mean you will
never argue again, it does give you insight, not just into your partner's behavior,
but also insights into your own behavior. Through practical guidance, John Gray
will help you to improve within a personal, intimate, relationship when you are
stumped and not sure where to begin in understanding and harmony between
your partner
This book is published in many different versions around the world.
Therefore, You can pick up a copy in a variety of languages or choose to listen
to an audio version. You might also find this book in our country!!
Overall we would rate "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" a
4.5 out of 5 stars.
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References
1. Brant, L. (2018, February 13). “Book review: Men are from Mars, Women
are from Venus, by John Gray”. La Crisalida Health and Wellbeing
retreats.
[Link]
2. Gray, J. (1992). Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus: a practical
guide for improving communication and getting what you want in your
relationships. New York, NY, HarperCollins.
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