My Reflections for the New Year
Hey!
Welcome to 2023!
The New Year is always a time to reset, reflect, and refresh. There is something about
January that encourages that. Whether you want to learn a new skill, hit that milestone you
didn’t reach, or simply develop a new habit, the new year is the time to set new goals.
For me, there are six goals and mindset changes that I’d like to develop in 2023.
1. Spiritual Growth
Building a consistent relationship with God is the most important thing in every life. Last
year, God has shown up for me in the most difficult situations I went through. He always has
a way of reassuring me of his presence through the peace I feel in the midst of the storm.
Each day is a day to praise Him for that which He does consistently. I’ve started a plan to
read the Bible in one year, starting from the book of Matthew. Daily seeking the Spirit of the
Lord is a joy that my heart content.
2. Get out of my Comfort Zone
It’s no fun doing things that make you uncomfortable. However, for growth to happen, I need
to get out of my comfort zone and try things that I otherwise wouldn’t think of trying.
Starting this website was one of the things I kept putting off for 2 years, and now that I’ve
started it, I really enjoy it. The thing I tell myself when I want to do something challenging is,
“be spontaneous.” Not to overthink the action or the consequence, but to just go for it. That
way I challenge myself and get more things done.
3. Language Learning Goals
I started learning French during the lockdown in 2020. I had much motivation and great plans
to be fluent in the language. Two years later and I’m at the intermediate level and I can say
that I’ve gone pretty far learning the language solely on my own. My language plans this year
is to learn my native language, C’lela, as well as Yoruba and Igbo languages.
4. Be More Self Rewarding
As the common saying goes, All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. I need to get used
to rewarding myself more. Having little treats and celebrations after long hours of work is
essential for my productivity and overall health. I enjoy a relaxing evening tucked under the
covers with a gripping Netflix show or reading a book from my shelf, or even hanging out
with my friends is another way to ensure I properly reward myself for a job well done.
5. Get Better Sleep
Sleep is an essential exercise for better health and life in general. I’ve never had a sleep
schedule or a bedtime. I’ve seen articles about how sleeping and waking up at the same time
can enhance sleep quality. It is a habit that is difficult to incorporate but with discipline, it can
be done. I’ll try waking up before 9 a.m. for one week and see how that goes from there.
6. Writing Goals
I started writing a story last summer, and so it’s been a slow and steady race so far. I’ve
written a couple of short stories to help improve my creative writing skills and get used to
creating fiction in general. I’ve entered some short stories in writing contests and the process
has helped hone my writing skills.
It’s your turn, what are some goals or reflections you have for 2023?
Let me Tell you About Solomon’s Paradox
Have you ever been in a situation where someone asks your opinion on an issue and you give
them your best advice? However, when it’s your turn to advise yourself, you make the wrong
choices.
Psychologists refer to this as “Solomon’s paradox,” named after the wisest man who ever
lived. The term caught my attention the other day whilst I was scrolling through my Chrome
mobile feed. King Solomon is a prolific character in the Bible, and one of the people who
built the foundation of Ancient Israel and became the most prosperous nation at the time. If
you’ve read the Old Testament Book of Kings, there you will see how the crowned King
asked God for wisdom to rule His people. God granted his request and bestowed upon him
more gifts.
King Solomon went on to be the wisest man far and wide, with many stories of his wisdom in
giving judgement and advice. However, as his story progresses, he starts getting influenced
by the hundreds of pagan wives and concubines he entertained. Although King Solomon is
renowned for his wisdom and good kinship, his personal affairs were in shambles. His son
Rehoboam took the throne unfit to rule, leading to the fall of his dynasty.
What is Solomon’s paradox?
According to University of Waterloo psychologist, Igor Grossman, Solomon’s paradox is a
phenomenon where people are wise in analyzing and giving advice to others compared to
giving the same advice to their own lives. In other words, we are better at solving others’
problems than ours. That explains why we judge characters in TV shows and movies for
actions we are guilty of, or we tell others to exercise and eat healthily, but we can’t even jog
100 meters. We talk double.
A common one I see often is when someone advises against tobacco smoking that it is bad
for your health, yet that person is hooked on smoking. However, this can be quite
controversial as the person may be addicted to smoking but you understand the point I’m
trying to make
Further studies on this highlight that everyone possesses two kinds of wisdom; general
wisdom, and personal wisdom. General wisdom can be described as one possessed by
everyone, the reasoning we assert when dealing with a third person or external situations.
Personal wisdom is the wisdom that concerns one’s life and personal affairs. A single person
cannot necessarily have both types of wisdom as we tend to show more wisdom in others'
affairs and remain stuck in ours.
King Solomon possessed general wisdom, the wisdom that helped him rule Israel, write most
of the Book of Proverbs and be a wealthy king of his time. However, personal wisdom was
not applied in his own life and personal affairs. The difference between personal wisdom and
general wisdom is that the latter can be misused to attack and criticize someone’s character
and person rather than their actions and ideas. This is otherwise known in Logic as ad
hominem. Solomon’s paradox can be coined with the statement, “Do as I say, not as I do.”
Solomon’s paradox and Self Distance
With all the wise King Solomon acquired, why then couldn’t it guide him in his life
choices? Psychologists propose that the distance at which we process a situation influences
our decisions. When you analyse a situation in a third-person distance, you tend to adopt the
reasoning and unbiased judgement. Yet that is different when analysing the situation from the
first-person perspective.
The reason is that we tend to use the first-person perspective when solving our problems than
solving others' problems with a third-person perspective. In this case, self-distance is vital in
the way our wisdom is applied in solving that situation.
Therefore, the lesson we can get from Solomon’s paradox is that to give good advice to
ourselves, we need to take a step back, pause and think logically. Here are some ways that
will help you:
Self-talk
This activity of self-monologue is trivial yet very important. The mind feeds off of what
energy it is receiving from the outside. Taking a few moments each day to have self-talk and
chat with yourself helps a lot in making sense of things, analysing thoughts processes and
making informed and well-thought decisions. I converse with myself and it helps organise my
thoughts and aid self-introspecting. So I advise you to give it a try.
Talk to Someone
If you find talking to yourself cringe. Then you can take the route to talking to someone - that
is someone you are comfortable with and you can trust. You learn a lot about yourself from
someone who is on the outside, someone who knows your personality and can give you an
unbiased report of yourself. From this, you get a third-person view of who you are and from
this, you can learn and identify yourself.
Journalling
Writing down your daily thoughts, and daily activity is another inexpensive yet important
exercise in self-analysis. Not only is the activity of writing relaxing it is also a means of
catharsis and self-reflection. So, pick a time of day that works best for your schedule and
mood, and write down or type the past happenings of your day or week. Reading what you've
written over time gives you an insight into your head and thinking patterns. From this, you
can have a distant look into your head.
What type of wisdom do you have? Do you often catch yourself giving biased advice to
others versus yourself?
Have a lovely week ahead.
The Things We Value and What We Can Prioritize
I have made many decisions in the past, and when I look back at them, I wonder, ‘what was
my reason for doing this.’
Sometimes I make decisions without much retrospecting because that is how things have
always been and should remain the same.
Only recently did I discover how influenced my current decisions are based on my past
experiences and the meanings I’ve attached to certain things.
As humans, we make decisions daily, and sometimes without thinking thoroughly. Most of
our choices are influenced by our experiences and personal values that we’ve adopted over
the years.
So what are values, and how do they define us?
Values are beliefs that hold a priority in our lives, like family, education, friendships, health,
and trust. They are always present with us, yet we are unaware of them.
They have shaped you as a person into who you are today, where you are, and what you do.
To every individual, there is a unique meaning attached to values as goals. And this slowly
changes over time with every stage of our lives.
In short, values serve as pointers that direct which way we want to go. The independent
decisions we make are influenced by the realization of our values.
Hence it is essential to make choices that we trust and not based on the opinions of the
environment.
The next question is, did you choose your values yourself?
This is tricky because we are sometimes unaware of where we pick up certain beliefs. The
family is where we adopt most values.
When we progress through life, the experiences we encounter influence our choices.
How to make good decisions with your values
1. Identify your values
The first step requires some self-reflection. This involves taking time to list at least your five
most important values.
There is this fantastic website I used to identify my values, and that has helped me be more
assertive with myself and my actions.
It gives a list of 62 values to choose and prioritize those you identify with most. The link to
the test is here.
2. Remember your values
As the days go by, it may be difficult to remember our values. One thing that can help with
that is creating a vision board of what you desire to uphold.
This is a fun and expressive part where you can be creative and define your priorities.
Pinterest is the best place to find inspiration and lovely images. Canva is another helpful
resource for compiling them to create a custom-made board.
3. Live out your values.
Now it’s time to incorporate our values into our lifestyle and strive to achieve them one day
at a time. Getting the hang of things may be difficult at first, but the journey brings effortless
with time.
Queen Victoria’s Nigerian God-daughter
In the year 1823, the Oyo Empire in Southwestern Nigeria engaged in war with the Kingdom
of Dahomey. The wars lasted about eight years and divided the Empire into small states in the
Yorubaland. The people of the Egbado village were captured as slaves in the process and a
little girl by the name of Aina was captured and shipped off to Dahomey, to live in the court
of the king as a child slave.
… Aina was born in the year 1843 in Egbado, a village in Southwestern Nigeria. She came
from a wealthy titled family in her home village and as such is referred to as a Yoruba
princess. Her parents were killed during the wars between the Oyo Empire and The kingdom
of Dahomey.
Captain Frederick E. Forbes of the Royal Navy arrived in West Africa on a diplomatic
mission to end Dahomey's involvement in the Transatlantic slave trade. However, as part of
the custom, King Ghezo offered Captain Forbes various gifts, and among them was Aina,
who was intended to be a gift for Queen Victoria.
Aina travelled to Britain with the Captain on his ship HMS Bonetta, which she was named
after, Sara Forbes Bonetta. Sara was a bright and clever young girl who was about 8 years old
when she landed in Britain. Queen Victoria was impressed with the young princess's
"exceptional intelligence' and nicknamed her Sally, whom she raised as her goddaughter in
the middle class of British society. Due to the harsh weather of England, Sara developed a
chronic cough which lead her to be sent to a newly established school in Sierra Leone in May
of 1851.
After her education, she returned to England and lived for some time and in August 1862,
Queen Victoria commanded Sara to marry Captain James P.L. Davies, a wealthy and
established Nigerian businessman. After the wedding, they moved to Nigeria, where they had
three children, and their first daughter was named after Queen Victoria, as she was also her
godmother.
On the 15th of August 1880, in Madeira, Portugal, after being sick with tuberculosis, Sara
Forbes Bonetta died at 37 years. She was buried on the island, and her husband erected an
obelisk monument in Lagos, Nigeria, to honour her life.
In an effort by the British to recognize black history, they commissioned artist Hannah Uzor
to paint a portrait of Sara Bonetta. The painting is on display at the Isle of Wight's Osborne
House, the royal seaside palace where Queen Victoria, Prince Albert, and her nine children
once lived.