Organizing and Drafting

Business Messages
CHAP TER

3
Learning Outcomes
After studying this chapter,
you should be able to do
the following:

1 Compare two forms of

research that begin Phase
2 of the 3-x-3 writing
process.

2 Demonstrate methods
for organizing ideas to
show relationships.

3 Write effective sen-

tences that avoid frag-
ments, run-ons, and comma
splices.

4 Demonstrate methods
for emphasizing ideas,
using active and passive
voice, developing parallel-
ism, and placing modifiers
correctly.

5 Explain how to create

Fizkes/[Link]
well-organized, coherent
paragraphs.

3-1 Drafting Workplace Messages Begins

With Research
With today’s ever-present technology, you may believe or hope that you will never
be required to write on the job. The truth is, however, that business, technical, and
professional people in this digital age are exchanging more messages than ever before.
The faster you can articulate your ideas and the more efficiently you can explain what
needs to be said, the more successful and content you will be in your career.
Being able to write efficiently and clearly is also critical to promotions. That’s why we
devote three chapters to teaching you a tried-and-true writing process, summarized in
Figure 3.1. This process guides you through the steps necessary to write confidently,
but more important, clearly. Instead of struggling with a writing assignment and not
62
 Figure 3.1 The 3-x-3 Writing Process

1 Prewriting 2 Drafting 3 Revising

Analyze: Decide on the message Research: Gather background data Edit: Eliminate wordy fillers,
purpose. What do you want the by searching files and the Internet. long lead-ins, redundancies, and
receiver to do or believe? trite business phrases. Strive for
Organize: Arrange direct messages
parallelism, clarity, conciseness, and
Anticipate: What does the audience with the big idea first. For persua-
readability.
already know? How will it receive this sive or negative messages, use an
message? indirect, problem-solving strategy. Proofread: Check carefully for errors
in spelling, grammar, punctuation,
Adapt: Think about techniques Draft: Prepare the first draft, using
and format.
to present this message most active-voice sentences, coherent
effectively. Consider how to elicit paragraphs, and appropriate transi- Evaluate: Will this message achieve
feedback. tional expressions. your purpose? Is the tone pleasant?
Did you encourage feedback?

knowing where to begin or what to say, you can use this effective process both in
college and on the job.
Chapter 2 focused on the prewriting stage of the writing process. You studied the
LEARNING
OUTCOME 1
Compare two forms of
importance of using a conversational tone, positive language, plain and courteous research that begin Phase 2
expression, and familiar words. This chapter addresses the second stage of the process: of the 3-x-3 writing process.
researching, organizing, and drafting.

3-1a The Writing Process Begins With Background

Information
No savvy businessperson would begin drafting a message before gathering
background information. We call this process research, a rather formal-sounding term.
For our purposes, however, research simply means collecting information about a
topic. This is an important step in the writing process because that information helps
you shape your message. Discovering significant information after you have almost
completed a message often means starting over and reorganizing your thoughts. To
avoid annoying second starts and inaccurate messages, thoughtful writers collect
information that answers several questions:
■ What does the receiver need to know about this topic?
■ What is the receiver to do?
■ How is the receiver to do it?
■ When must the receiver do it?
■ What will happen if the receiver doesn’t do it?

Whenever your communication task requires more information than you have in your
head or at your fingertips, you must conduct research. This research may be informal or
formal.

3-1b Informal Research

Many routine tasks—such as drafting e-mails, memos, letters, informational reports,
and oral presentations—require information that you can collect informally. Where can
you find information before starting a project? The following techniques are useful in
informal research:
Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 63
 ■ Search your company’s files. If you are responding to an inquiry or drafting a
routine message, you often can find background information such as previous
correspondence in your own files or those of the company. You might consult the
company wiki or other digital and print files. You might also ask colleagues.
■ Talk with the boss. Get information from the individual giving you the assignment.
What does that person know about the topic? What slant should you take? What
other sources would that person suggest?
■ Interview the target audience. Consider talking with individuals at whom the
message is aimed. They can provide clarifying information that tells you what they
“In the Internet Age, want to know and how you should shape your remarks. Suggestions for conducting
nowhere is good writ- more formal interviews are presented in Chapter 10.
ing more important
than in your online ■ Create an informal survey. Gather unscientific but helpful information through
presence, whether questionnaires and telephone or online surveys. In preparing a report predicting
for yourself or your the success of a proposed company fitness center, for example, circulate a
organization. While questionnaire asking for employee reactions.
the majority of your ■ Brainstorm for ideas. Alone or with others, discuss ideas for the writing task at
web page, blog post, hand, and record at least a dozen ideas without judging them. Small groups are
or profile visitors will especially fruitful in brainstorming because people spin ideas off one another. Use
almost certainly leave your laptop or tablet for a quick, erasable surface to record ideas.
before they’ve even
had a chance to scroll
down, the ones that 3-1c Formal Research
do stay are the ones
Information for long reports and proposals may be obtained through formal research
that you want read-
using primary or secondary sources:
ing your content.
And they’re the ones ■ Primary sources. Primary data come from firsthand experience. This information
you want to impress might be generated from surveys, interviews, observation, and experimentation.
because they have a Scientific researchers conduct experiments with controlled variables to produce
need and came to you information that helps solve problems. Because formal research is particularly
looking for educa- necessary for reports, you will study resources and research techniques beginning in
tional, informational, Chapter 10.
and well-crafted
■ Secondary sources. Secondary data come from reading what others have
content with real
experienced or observed and written about. Books, magazines, journals, and online
value. . . .”1
resources are all considered secondary sources. Most writers conducting research
Chip LaFleur, digital begin with secondary sources. These topics and research techniques are covered in
marketing expert Chapters 9 and 10.

Traditionally, teams have generated ideas by brainstorm-

ing, the spontaneous contribution of ideas by team mem-
bers. A facilitator records these ideas. The emphasis is on
quantity, not quality. Judgment is discouraged because the
goal is to think freely. Critics charge that the practice may
enable one noisy extrovert to dominate the conversation. 2
Like brainstorming, mind mapping is a process
for generating and sorting ideas. However, mind mapping
emphasizes visual concepts, beginning with a single concept
drawn as an image in the center of a blank page. Associated
SkyLynx/[Link]

words and images branch out treelike showing the relation-

ship between the ideas and the central concept. What idea-
generating method works for you?

64 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

3-2 Organizing Ideas to Show Relationships
After collecting data and generating ideas, business communicators must find a way to
organize their information. Skilled writers group similar items together. Then they place
ideas in a strategic sequence that helps the reader understand relationships and accept
LEARNING
OUTCOME 2
Demonstrate methods for
the writer’s views. organizing ideas to show
Unorganized messages proceed free-form, jumping from one thought to another. relationships.
Such messages fail to emphasize important points. Puzzled readers can’t see how the
pieces fit together, and they become frustrated and irritated. Many communication
experts regard poor organization as the greatest failing of business writers. Two simple
techniques can help you organize data: the scratch list and the outline.

3-2a Creating Lists and Outlines

To develop simple messages, some writers make a quick scratch list of the topics they
wish to cover. Next they compose a message directly from the scratch list. Most writers,
though, need to organize their ideas—especially if the project is complex—into a
hierarchy, such as an outline. The beauty of preparing an outline is that it gives writers a
chance to organize their thoughts before becoming bogged down in word choice and
sentence structure. Model Document 3.1 shows the format for a typical outline.

3-2b Typical Document Components

How you group ideas into components depends on your topic and your channel of
communication. Business documents usually contain typical components arranged in
traditional strategies, as shown in Figure 3.2. Notice that an e-mail, memo, or letter
generally is organized with an opening, body, and closing. Instructions for writing a
procedure, such as how to apply for an audit, would proceed through several steps.
The organizational plan for an informational report usually includes an introduction,
facts, and a summary. However, the plan for an analytical report includes an
introduction/problem, facts/findings, conclusions, and recommendations (if requested).
The plan for a proposal includes an introduction, a proposed solution, staffing, a
schedule and/or costs, and authorization.
These document outlines may seem like a lot to absorb at this time. Later in this
book, you will be introduced to all the business documents outlined here, and you will
learn how to expertly draft all their parts.

Model Document 3.1 Format for an Outline

Title: Major Idea or Purpose

I. First major component Tips for Making Outlines
A. First subpoint
1. Detail, illustrations, edvidence Define the main topic in the title.
2. Detail, illustrations, edvidence Divide the main topic into major components or
3. Detail, illustrations, edvidence
classifications (preferably three to five).
B. Second subpoint
1. Break the components into subpoints.
2. Don’t put a single item under a major component;
II. Second major component if you have only one subpoint, integrate it with the
A. First subpoint main item above it or reorganize.
1.
Strive to make each component exclusive (no
2.
B. Second subpoint overlapping).
1. Use details, illustrations, and evidence to support
2. subpoints.
3.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 65

 Figure 3.2 Typical Major Components in Business Outlines

E-Mail, Memo, Informational

Letter Procedure Report Analytical Report Proposal

I. Opening I. Step 1 I. Introduction I. Introduction/problem I. Introduction

II. Body II. Step 2 II. Facts II. Facts/findings II. Proposed solution
III. Closing III. Step 3 III. Summary III. Conclusions III. Staffing
IV. Step 4 IV. Recommendations IV. Schedule, costs
(if requested) V. Authorization

3-2c Structuring Ideas Into Strategies

Thus far, you have seen how to collect information, generate ideas, and prepare
an outline. How you order the information in your outline, though, depends on the
strategy you choose. Two organizational strategies provide plans of action for typical
business messages: the direct strategy and the indirect strategy.
The primary difference between the two strategies is where the main idea is placed.
In the direct strategy, the main idea comes first, followed by details, explanation, or
evidence. In the indirect strategy, the main idea follows the details, explanation, and
evidence. The strategy you select is determined by how you expect the audience to
react to the message.
Direct Strategy for Receptive Audiences. In preparing to write any message, you need
to anticipate the audience’s reaction to your ideas and frame your message accordingly.
When you expect the reader to be pleased, mildly interested, or neutral—use the
direct strategy. That is, put your main point—the purpose of your message—in the first
or second sentence. Dianna Booher, renowned writing consultant, pointed out that
typical readers begin any message by thinking, “So what am I supposed to do with this
information?”
In business writing you need to signal clearly to the reader: Here is my point! As
quickly as possible, tell why you are writing. Compare the direct and indirect strategies
in the following e-mail openings. Notice how long it takes to get to the main idea in the
indirect opening.

Indirect Opening Direct Opening

As you may remember, our company has Please help us organize a college
been contemplating strategies to attract internship pilot program that the
better-qualified prospective job candidates. Management Council voted to begin
As a result, the Management Council is next fall. Our company has been
actively gathering information about a concerned with attracting better-qualified
possible internship program that might prospective job candidates. For this
attract college students. After considerable reason, the Management Council has been
discussion and investigation, we have gathering information about an internship
voted to launch a pilot program starting program for college students.
next fall. We are asking for your help in
organizing it.

Explanations and details follow the direct opening. Getting to the main idea
quickly is important. This direct method, also called frontloading, offers at least three
advantages:
■ Saves the reader’s time. Many of today’s businesspeople can devote only a few
moments to each message. Messages that take too long to get to the point may lose
their readers along the way.
66 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages
■ Sets a proper frame of mind. Learning the purpose up front helps the reader put
the subsequent details and explanations in perspective. Without a clear opening, the
reader may be thinking, “Why am I being told this?”
■ Reduces frustration. Readers forced to struggle through excessive verbiage before
reaching the main idea become frustrated. They may begin to resent the writer.
Poorly organized messages create a negative impression of the writer.

Typical business messages that follow the direct strategy include routine requests
and responses, orders and acknowledgments, nonsensitive memos, e-mails,
informational reports, and informational oral presentations. All these tasks have
one element in common: they do not address a sensitive subject that will upset the
reader.
Indirect Strategy for Unreceptive Audiences. When you expect the audience to be
uninterested, unwilling, displeased, or perhaps even hostile, the indirect strategy
is more appropriate. In this strategy you reveal the main idea only after you have
offered an explanation and evidence. This approach works well with three kinds of
messages: (a) bad news, (b) ideas that require persuasion, and (c) sensitive news,
especially when being transmitted to superiors. The indirect strategy has these
benefits:
■ Respects the feelings of the audience. Bad news is always painful, but its negative
impact can be lessened by preparing the receiver for it.
■ Facilitates a fair hearing. Messages that may upset the reader are more likely to
be read when the main idea is delayed. Beginning immediately with a piece of bad
news or a persuasive request, for example, may cause the receiver to stop reading or
listening.
■ Minimizes a negative reaction. A reader’s overall reaction to a negative message is
generally improved if the news is delivered gently.

Business messages that could be developed indirectly include e-mails, memos, and
letters that refuse requests, deny claims, and disapprove credit. Persuasive requests,
sales letters, sensitive messages, and some reports and oral presentations may also
benefit from the indirect strategy. You will learn more about using the indirect strategy
in Chapters 7 and 8.
In summary, business messages may be organized directly (with the main idea
first) or indirectly (with the main idea delayed), as illustrated in Figure 3.3.

Figure 3.3 Audience Response Determines Direct or Indirect Strategy

Message
Direct ▪ Good news
or main idea
Strategy
If pleased ▪
If somewhat interested ▪
If neutral ▪

Message
▪
If uninterested Indirect ▪
▪ Bad news
If displeased
If disappointed Strategy ▪
or main idea
If hostile

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 67

 Although these two strategies cover many communication problems, they should
be considered neither universal nor absolute. Every business transaction is
distinct. Some messages are mixed: part good news, part bad; part goodwill, part
persuasion. In upcoming chapters you will practice applying the direct and indirect
strategies in typical situations. Then you will have the skills and confidence to
evaluate communication problems and vary these strategies depending on your
goals and your audience.

3-3 Writing a First Draft With Powerful

Sentences
LEARNING
OUTCOME 3
Write effective sentences
After you have researched your topic, brainstormed for fresh ideas, and selected a
strategy to organize the data, you are ready to begin drafting sentences. However,
at this point many writers suffer from writer’s block and can’t get started. Organizing
that avoid fragments, run- your ideas and working from an outline are very helpful in overcoming writer’s block.
ons, and comma splices. Composition is also easier if you have a quiet environment in which to concentrate.
Businesspeople with messages to compose set aside a given time and allow no calls,
visitors, or other interruptions. This is a good technique for students as well.
As you begin writing, think about what style fits you best. Some experts suggest
freewriting. This technique involves getting your thoughts down quickly and refining
them in later versions. As you take up each idea, imagine that you are talking to the
reader. If you can’t think of the right word, insert a substitute or type find perfect
word later. Freewriting works well for some writers, but others prefer to move more
slowly and think through their ideas more deliberately. Whether you are a speedy or
a deliberate writer, keep in mind that you are writing the first draft. You will have time
later to revise and polish your sentences.

3-3a Adding Interest and Variety With

Four Sentence Types
To avoid monotony and to add spark to your writing, use a variety of sentence types.
You have four sentence types from which to choose: simple, compound, complex,
“If you think an and compound-complex. In the following examples, a single underscore identifies the
apostrophe was one subject and a double underscore identifies the verb.
of the 12 disciples of
Jesus, you will never Simple Sentence
work for me. If you Contains one complete thought (an independent clause) with a subject and
think a semicolon is a predicate verb:
regular colon with an
Our company lacked a social media presence.
identity crisis, I will
not hire you. If you
Compound Sentence
scatter commas into
a sentence with all Contains two complete but related thoughts. May be joined by (a) a conjunction
the discrimination of such as and, but, or or; (b) a semicolon; or (c) a conjunctive adverb such as however,
a shotgun, you might consequently, and therefore:
make it to the foyer Our company lacked a social media presence, and it hired a specialist.
before we politely Our company lacked a social media presence; it hired a specialist.
escort you from the
Our company lacked a social media presence; therefore, it hired a specialist.
building.”3
Kyle Wiens, CEO, iFixit, Complex Sentence
the largest online repair
Contains an independent clause (a complete thought) and a dependent clause
community
(a thought that cannot stand by itself). Dependent clauses are often introduced

68 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

 by words such as although, since, because, when, and if. When dependent
clauses precede independent clauses, they always are followed by a comma:
Because our company lacked a social media presence, it hired a specialist.

Compound-Complex Sentence
Contains at least two independent clauses and one dependent clause:
Because our company lacked a social media presence, it hired a specialist; however,
our brand required time to build.

3-3b Avoiding Three Common Sentence Faults

As you craft your sentences, beware of three common traps: fragments, run-on (fused)
sentences, and comma-splice sentences. If any of these faults appears in a business
message, the writer immediately loses credibility.
One of the most serious sentence errors in English a writer can make is punctuating a
fragment as if it were a complete sentence. A fragment is usually a broken-off part of a
complex sentence. Fragments often can be identified by the words that introduce them—
words such as although, as, because, even, except, for example, if, instead of, since, such
as, that, which, and when. These words introduce dependent clauses, as italicized in the
following fragment examples. They should not be punctuated as sentences. Make sure
such clauses always connect to independent clauses, as shown in the revisions.

Fragment Revision
Because most transactions require a Because most transactions require a
permanent record. Good writing skills permanent record, good writing skills are
are critical. critical.

The recruiter requested a writing sample. The recruiter requested a writing sample
Even though the candidate seemed to even though the candidate seemed to
communicate well. communicate well.

A second serious writing fault is the run-on (fused) sentence. A sentence with
two independent clauses must be joined by a coordinating conjunction (and, or, nor,
but), by a semicolon (;), or separated into two sentences. Without a conjunction or a
semicolon, a run-on sentence results.

Run-On Sentence Revision

One candidate sent an e-mail résumé One candidate sent an e-mail résumé, and
another sent a link to an online portfolio. another sent a link to an online portfolio.

One candidate sent an e-mail résumé.

Another sent a link to an online portfolio.

One candidate sent an e-mail résumé;

another sent a link to an online portfolio.

A third sentence fault is a comma splice. It results when a writer joins (splices
together) two independent clauses with a comma. Independent clauses may be joined
with a coordinating conjunction (and, or, nor, but) or a conjunctive adverb (however,
consequently, therefore, and others). Notice that clauses joined by coordinating
conjunctions require only a comma. Clauses joined by a conjunctive adverb require a
semicolon and a comma. To rectify a comma splice, try one of the possible revisions
shown here:

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 69

 Comma Splice Revisions
Be sure to include keywords from the job Be sure to include keywords from the job
description, also include variations of the description, but also include variations of the
job title. job title.

Be sure to include keywords from the job

description; however, also include variations
of the job title.

Be sure to include keywords from the job

description; also include variations of the job title.

On the topic of comma

splices, one well-known
3-3c Choosing Short Sentences
writing coach says,
“Why do intelligent Because your goal is to communicate clearly, try to form sentences that average 20
people make the error? words. Some sentences will be shorter; some will be longer. The American Press
I think people worry Institute established that reader comprehension drops off markedly as sentences
that they will come become longer.5 Therefore, in crafting your sentences, think about the relationship
across too informally or between sentence length and comprehension.
too plainly if they use
[two] short sentences.
Sentence Length Comprehension Rate
They believe using
4-to-6-word sentences, 8 words 100%
especially two of them
15 words 90%
in a row, can’t be
professional. But two 19 words 80%
short, crisp, clear sen-
tences in a row are pro- 28 words 50%
fessional and punchy.”4
Instead of stringing together clauses with and, but, and however, break some of
Lynn Gaertner Johnson,
those complex sentences into separate segments. Business readers want to grasp ideas
business writing trainer,
immediately. They can do that best when thoughts are separated into short sentences.
coach, blogger
On the other hand, too many short sentences will sound monotonous and choppy; they
may bore or even annoy the reader. Strive for a balance between longer sentences
and shorter ones. Your grammar-checker and spell-checker can show you readability
statistics that flag long sentences and give you an average sentence length.

When SeaWorld announced it was ending its controversial

policy of breeding captive killer whales, the message needed
to be clear and precise. Skillful writers emphasize major
ideas by placing them front and center, and the blog post
announcing the major policy turnaround at the marine theme
park did just that: We’re making historic announcements at
SeaWorld, including ending orca breeding, introducing new,
inspiring and natural orca encounters, and launching new
Friedgreenbeans/iStock/Getty Images

partnerships to protect oceans and marine animals. The

sentence structure highlights the main news immediately
and uses the stylistic writing technique of parallelism to cre-
ate balance and symmetry.6 What other strategies can you
employ to improve your writing techniques?

70 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

3-4 Mastering Four Helpful Writing
Techniques
Business writers can significantly improve their messages by learning to use a few
helpful techniques. In this section we focus on (a) emphasizing and de-emphasizing
ideas, (b) using active and passive voice strategically, and (c) ensuring parallelism.
LEARNING
OUTCOME 4
Demonstrate methods for
Writers must also beware of dangling and misplaced modifiers. emphasizing ideas, using
active and passive voice,
developing parallelism, and
3-4a Creating Emphasis placing modifiers correctly.
When you are talking with someone, you can emphasize your main ideas by saying
them loudly or by repeating them slowly. You could even pound the table if you wanted
to show real emphasis! Another way you could signal the relative importance of an
idea is by raising your eyebrows, shaking your head, or whispering. But when you write,
you must rely on other means to tell your readers which ideas are more important than
others. Emphasis in writing can be achieved primarily in two ways: mechanically and
stylistically.
Achieving Emphasis Visually. To emphasize an idea, a writer may use any of the
following mechanical devices:

Underlining Underlining draws the eye to a word.

Italics and boldface Using italics or boldface conveys special meaning.
Font changes Selecting a large, small, or different font draws interest.
All caps Printing words in ALL CAPS is like shouting them.
Dashes Dashes—used sparingly—can be effective.
Tabulation Listing items vertically makes them stand out:
1. First item
2. Second item
3. Third item

Other means of achieving mechanical emphasis include the arrangement of space,

color, lines, boxes, columns, titles, headings, and subheadings. Today’s software
applications (and color printers) provide an array of capabilities for setting off ideas.
More tips on achieving emphasis are given in Chapter 4, in which we cover document
design.
Achieving Emphasis Through Style. Although visual devices are occasionally
appropriate, more often a writer achieves emphasis stylistically. That is, the writer
chooses words carefully and constructs sentences skillfully to emphasize main ideas and
de-emphasize minor or negative ideas. Here are four suggestions for emphasizing ideas
stylistically:
■ Use vivid, not general, words. Vivid words are emphatic because the reader can
picture ideas clearly.

General Vivid
The way we seek jobs has changed. Technology has dramatically changed how
job hunters search for positions.

Someone will contact you as soon as Ms. Rivera will call you before 5 p.m.
possible. tomorrow, May 3.

■ Label the main idea. If an idea is significant, tell the reader.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 71

 Unlabeled Labeled
Consider looking for a job online, but also Consider looking for a job online, but, most
focus on networking. important, focus on networking.

We shop here because of the customer We like the customer service, but the
service and low prices. primary reason for shopping here is the low
prices.

■ Place the important idea first or last. Ideas have less competition from
surrounding words when they appear first or last in a sentence. Observe how the
concept of productivity can be emphasized by its position in the sentence:

Main Idea Lost Main Idea Emphasized

Profit-sharing plans are more effective in Productivity is more likely to be increased
increasing productivity when they are linked when profit-sharing plans are linked to
to individual performance rather than to individual performance rather than to
group performance. group performance.

■ Give the important idea the spotlight. Place the main idea in a simple sentence or
in an independent clause.

Main Idea Lost Main Idea Clear

Although you are the first trainee we You are the first trainee we have hired for
have hired for this program, we had many this program. (Simple sentence)
candidates and expect to expand the
program in the future. (The main idea is lost
in a dependent clause.)

De-Emphasizing When Necessary. To de-emphasize an idea, such as bad news, try

one of the following stylistic devices:
■ Use general words.

Emphasizes Harsh Statement De-Emphasizes Harsh

Statement
Our records indicate that you were recently Our records indicate that your employment
fired. status has recently changed.

■ Subordinate the bad news. Place the bad news in a dependent clause connected
to an independent clause that contains something positive.

Emphasizes Bad News De-Emphasizes Bad News

We cannot issue you credit at this time, but Although credit cannot be issued at this
we have a special plan that will allow you to time, you can fill your immediate needs on
fill your immediate needs on a cash basis. a cash basis with our special plan.

3-4b Using the Active and Passive Voice Effectively

In a sentence in the active voice, the subject (also called the actor) performs the
action. In a sentence in the passive voice, the subject receives the action. Active-voice
sentences are more direct because they reveal the performer immediately. They are
easier to understand and usually shorter. Most business writing should be in the active

72 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

voice. However, passive voice is useful to (a) emphasize an action rather than a person,
(b) de-emphasize negative news, and (c) conceal the doer of an action.

Active Voice Passive Voice

Actor Action Receiver Action
Madison must submit a tax return. The tax return was submitted [by Madison].
Actor Action Receiver Action
Officials reviewed all tax returns. All tax returns were reviewed [by officials].
Actor Action Receiver Action

We cannot make cash refunds. Cash refunds cannot be made.

Good writers don’t let
Actor Action Receiver Action
their modifiers dangle
Our CPA made a big error in the budget. A big error was made in the budget. in public. “Always
suspect an -ing word
of dangling if it’s
3-4c Creating Parallelism near the front of a
sentence; consider it
Parallelism is an excellent writing technique that produces balanced writing. Sentences guilty until proved
written so that their parts are balanced, or parallel, are easy to read and understand. To innocent.”7
achieve parallel construction, use similar structures to express similar ideas. For example,
Patricia T. O’Conner,
the words computing, coding, recording, and storing are parallel because the words all
author, Woe Is I: The Gram-
end in -ing. To express the list as computing, coding, recording, and storage is disturbing
marphobe’s Guide to Better
because the last item is not what the reader expects. Try to match nouns with nouns, verbs
English in Plain English
with verbs, and clauses with clauses. Avoid mixing active-voice verbs with passive-voice
verbs. Your goal is to keep the wording balanced in expressing similar ideas.

Lacks Parallelism Illustrates Parallelism

A conference organizer must arrange for A conference organizer must arrange for
the venue, the hospitality, and a person to the venue, the hospitality, and a keynote
give the keynote speech. speaker. (Matches nouns.)

Our primary goals are to increase Our primary goals are to increase
productivity, reduce costs, and the productivity, reduce costs, and improve
improvement of product quality. product quality. (Matches verbs.)

We are scheduled to meet in Baltimore on We are scheduled to meet in Baltimore on

February 4, we are meeting in Boston on February 4, in Boston on March 18, and in
the 18th of March, and in Detroit on June 3. Detroit on June 3. (Matches phrases.)

Darian audits all accounts lettered A Darian audits all accounts lettered A
through L; accounts lettered M through Z through L; Jaya audits accounts lettered M
are audited by Jaya. through Z. (Matches clauses.)

Our Super Bowl ads have three objectives: Our Super Bowl ads have three objectives:
1. We want to increase product use. 1. Increase product use
2. Introduce complementary products. 2. Introduce complementary products
3. Our corporate image will be enhanced. 3. Enhance our corporate image
(Matches verbs in listed items.)

3-4d Dodging Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers

For clarity, modifiers must be close to the words they describe or limit. A dangling
modifier occurs when the word or phrase it describes is missing from its sentence—for
example, Driving through Malibu Canyon, the ocean came into view. This sentence says
that the ocean was driving through Malibu Canyon. Revised, the sentence contains a
logical subject: Driving through Malibu Canyon, we saw the ocean come into view.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 73

 A misplaced modifier occurs when the word or phrase it describes is not close
enough to be clear—for example, Firefighters rescued a dog from a burning car that
had a broken leg. Obviously, the car did not have a broken leg. The solution is to
position the modifier closer to the word(s) it describes or limits: Firefighters rescued a
dog with a broken leg from a burning car.
Introductory verbal phrases are particularly dangerous; be sure to follow them
immediately with the words they logically describe or modify. Try this trick for detecting
and remedying many dangling modifiers. Ask the question Who? or What? after any
introductory phrase. The words immediately following should tell the reader who or
what is performing the action. Try the Who? test on the first three danglers here:

Dangling or Misplaced Clear Modification

Modifier
Skilled at 3-D printing, the manga character Skilled at 3-D printing, Blake easily copied
was easily copied by Blake. the manga character.

Working together as a team, the project Working together as a team, we finally

was finally completed. completed the project.

To meet the deadline, all paperwork must To meet the deadline, applicants must send
be sent by May 2. all paperwork by May 2.

The recruiter interviewed candidates

In the morning the recruiter interviewed
who had excellent computer skills in the
candidates with excellent computer skills.
morning.

As a newbie in our office, we invite you to As a newbie in our office, you are invited to
our Friday after-hours get-together. our Friday after-hours get-together.

3-5 Building Well-Organized Paragraphs

LEARNING
OUTCOME 5
Explain how to create
A paragraph is a group of sentences about one idea. The following types of sentences
may be organized to express ideas in a well-organized paragraph:
Topic sentence: Expresses the primary idea of the paragraph; often, but not always,
well-organized, coherent
comes first in a paragraph.
paragraphs.
Supporting sentences: Illustrate, explain, or strengthen the primary idea.

3-5a Crafting Topic Sentences

A paragraph is unified when it develops a single main idea. That idea is usually
expressed in a topic sentence, which may appear at the beginning, in the middle,
or at the end of the paragraph. Business writers generally place the topic sentence
first in the paragraph. It tells readers what to expect and helps them understand the
paragraph’s central thought immediately.

3-5b Developing Supporting Sentences

Supporting sentences illustrate, explain, or strengthen the topic sentence. One of
the hardest things for beginning writers to remember is that all support sentences in
the paragraph must relate to the topic sentence. Any other topics should be treated
separately. Supporting sentences provide specific details, explanations, and evidence.
The following example starts with a topic sentence about flexible work scheduling and
is followed by three supporting sentences that explain how flexible scheduling could
work. Transitional expressions are italicized.
Topic sentence: Flexible work scheduling could immediately increase productivity
and enhance employee satisfaction in our entire organization.

74 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

 Supporting sentences: Managers would maintain their regular hours. For
many other employees, however, flexible scheduling provides extra time to
manage family responsibilities. Feeling less stress, employees are able to
focus their attention better at work; therefore, they become more relaxed and
more productive.

3-5c Creating Paragraph Coherence

Paragraphs are coherent when ideas stick together, and one idea leads logically to the
next. When the author skips from Step 1 to Step 3 and forgets Step 2, coherence is lost,
and most likely the reader is lost, too. Several techniques will help you keep the reader
in step with your ideas.
Sustaining the Key Idea. Repeating a key expression or using a similar one throughout
a paragraph helps sustain a key idea. In the following example, notice that the
repetition of guest and VIP connects ideas.
Our philosophy holds that every customer is really a guest. All new employees are
trained to treat guests in our theme parks as VIPs. We take great pride in respecting
our guests. As VIPs, they are never told what they can or cannot do.

Dovetailing Sentences. Sentences are dovetailed when an idea at the end of one
connects with an idea at the beginning of the next. Dovetailing sentences is especially
helpful with dense, difficult topics. It is also helpful with ordinary paragraphs, such as
the following:
New hosts and hostesses learn about the theme park and its facilities. These facilities
include telephones, food services, bathrooms, and attractions, as well as the location
of offices. Knowledge of offices and the internal workings of the company is required
of all staffers.

Including Pronouns. Familiar pronouns, such as we, they, he, she, and it, help build
continuity, as do demonstrative pronouns, such as this, that, these, and those. These
words confirm that something under discussion is still being discussed. However, be
careful with such pronouns. They often need a noun with them to make their meaning
clear. In the following example, notice how confusing the pronoun this would be if the
word training were omitted.
All new park employees receive a two-week orientation. They learn that every staffer
has a vital role in preparing for the show. This training includes how to maintain
enthusiasm.

Employing Transitional Expressions. Transitional expressions are another excellent

device for showing connections and achieving paragraph coherence. These words,
some of which are shown in Figure 3.4, act as verbal road signs to readers and
listeners. Transitional expressions enable the receiver to anticipate what’s coming,
reduce uncertainty, and speed comprehension. They signal that a train of thought is
moving forward, being developed, possibly detouring, or ending. As Figure 3.4 shows,
transitions can amplify or strengthen a thought, show time or order, clarify ideas, show
cause and effect, contradict thoughts, and contrast ideas. Remember that coherence in
communication rarely happens spontaneously; it requires effort and skill.

3-5d Controlling Paragraph Length

Although no rule regulates the length of paragraphs, business writers recognize that
short paragraphs are less intimidating and more readable than long ones. Paragraphs
with eight or fewer printed lines look inviting. Long, solid chunks of print appear
formidable. If a topic can’t be covered in eight or fewer printed lines (not sentences),
consider breaking it into smaller segments.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 75

 Figure 3.4 Transitional Expressions That Build Coherence

To Amplify or To Show Time To Show Cause

Strengthen or Order To Clarify and Effect To Contradict To Contrast
additionally after for example accordingly actually as opposed to
accordingly before for instance as a result but at the same time
again earlier I mean consequently however by contrast
also finally in other words for this reason in fact conversely
beside first put another way hence instead on the contrary
indeed meanwhile that is so rather on the other hand
likewise next this means therefore still previously
moreover now thus because yet similarly

Summary of Learning Outcomes

Compare two forms of research that begin Phase 2 of the 3-x-3 writing process.
■ Apply the second phase of the writing process (prewriting) by researching, organizing, and drafting.
■ Begin the writing process by researching background information.
■ Collect information by answering questions about what the receiver needs to know and what the receiver is to do.
■ Conduct informal research for routine tasks by reviewing the company’s digital and other files, talking with the boss,
interviewing the target audience, conducting informal surveys, and brainstorming for ideas.
■ Conduct formal research for long reports and complex problems by searching digital sources or manually, investigating
primary sources, and constructing scientific experiments.

Demonstrate methods for organizing ideas to show relationships.

■ For simple messages, make a quick scratch list of topics; for more complex messages, create an outline.
■ To prepare an outline, divide the main topic into three to five major components.
■ Break the components into subpoints consisting of details, illustrations, and evidence.
■ Organize the information using the direct strategy (with the main idea first) when audiences will be pleased, mildly
interested, or neutral.
■ Organize information using the indirect strategy (with explanations preceding the main idea) for audiences that will be
unwilling, displeased, or hostile.

Write effective sentences that avoid fragments, run-ons, and comma splices.
■ Decide whether to compose quickly (freewriting) or to write more deliberately—but remember that you are writing a first
draft.
■ Employ a variety of sentence types including simple (one independent clause), complex (one independent and one
dependent clause), compound (two independent clauses), and compound-complex (two independent clauses and
one dependent clause).
■ Avoid fragments (broken-off parts of sentences), run-on sentences (two clauses fused improperly), and comma splices
(two clauses joined improperly with a comma).
■ Remember that sentences are most effective when they are short (20 or fewer words).

Demonstrate methods for emphasizing ideas, using active and passive voice, devel-
oping parallelism, and placing modifiers correctly.
■ Emphasize an idea visually by using underlining, italics, boldface, font changes, all caps, dashes, tabulation, and other
devices.
■ Emphasize an idea stylistically by using vivid words, labeling it, making it the sentence subject, placing it first or last, and
removing competing ideas.
76 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages
 ■ De-emphasize ideas by using general words or by placing the idea in a dependent clause.
■ For most business writing, use the active voice by making the subject the doer of the action (the company hired the recent
graduate).
■ Use the passive voice (The recent graduate was hired) to de-emphasize negative news, to emphasize an action rather than
the doer, or to conceal the doer of an action.
■ Employ parallelism for balanced construction (researching, analyzing, and tabulating rather than researching, analyzing,
and to tabulate).
■ Avoid dangling modifiers (sitting at my computer, the words would not come) and misplaced modifiers (I have the report you
wrote in my office).

Explain how to create well-organized, coherent paragraphs.

■ Build well-organized, unified paragraphs by focusing on a single idea.
■ Always include a topic sentence that states the main idea of the paragraph.
■ Develop support sentences to illustrate, explain, or strengthen the topic sentence.
■ Build coherence by repeating a key idea, using pronouns to refer to previous nouns, and showing connections with
transitional expressions (however, therefore, consequently).
■ Control paragraph length by striving for eight or fewer lines.

Key Terms
research 63 freewriting 68 misplaced modi er 74
primary data 64 fragment 69 paragraph 74
secondary data 64 run-on (fused) sentence 69 topic sentence 74
brainstorming 64 comma splice 69 supporting sentences 74
mind mapping 64 active voice 72 coherent 75
direct strategy 66 passive voice 72 dovetailed 75
indirect strategy 66 parallelism 73 transitional expressions 75
frontloading 66 dangling modi er 73

Chapter Review
1. Describe the three parts of the second phase of the writing process. (L.O. 1)
2. What is research, and what activities does it involve? (L.O. 1)
3. What is the difference between a scratch list and an outline? (L.O. 2)
4. When is the indirect strategy appropriate, and what are the benefits of using it? (L.O. 2)
5. What is the difference between a compound and a complex sentence? Provide an original example of each. (L.O. 3)
6. What writing fault is illustrated in the following groups of words, and how can it be remedied? Because they have been hobbled
by government regulations, privacy issues, and internal bureaucracy. Giant banks are struggling to find the magic formula for using
social media. (L.O. 3)
7. When should business writers use active-voice sentences? When should they use passive-voice sentences? Give an original
example of each. (L.O. 4)
8. What is the difference between emphasis achieved with mechanical means as opposed to emphasis achieved with stylistic
devices? (L.O. 4)
9. What is a topic sentence, and where is it usually found? (L.O. 5)
10. What is paragraph coherence, and how is it achieved? (L.O. 5)
11. How long should paragraphs be? (L.O. 5)

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 77

 Critical Thinking
12. Why are short sentences and short paragraphs appropriate for business communication? (L.O. 4, 5)
13. How can bad writing waste a businessperson’s time? A researcher asked that question of workers who read business material
an average of 25 hours per week (about half of which was e-mail).8 What writing flaws do you think they named? Should new
employees be trained in writing effectively on the job? (L.O. 1–5)
14. A much-quoted PayScale survey revealed a significant gap in perception between managers and recent graduates. “Overall,
the majority of workers (87 percent) feel well prepared (immediately or within 3 months) for their job upon graduation from
college. In contrast, only about half of managers (50 percent) feel that employees who recently graduated from college are well
prepared for the workforce.”9 The skill most lacking, said the managers, was writing proficiency. What could explain this gap in
perception between managers and recent college graduates? (L.O. 1–5)
15. How are speakers different from writers in the way they emphasize ideas? (L.O. 4)
16. Is the indirect strategy of organization ethical, or is it manipulative to delay the presentation of the main idea in a message? (L.O. 2)

Writing Improvement Exercises

Sentence Types (L.O. 3)

YOUR TASK. For each of the numbered sentences, select the letter that identifies its type:
a. Simple sentence c. Complex sentence
b. Compound sentence d. Compound-complex sentence
17. Bottled water consumption rose 2.2 percent in volume last year.
18. Because Americans are increasingly health conscious, they are drinking more bottled water than ever before.
19. Americans are drinking fewer soft drinks, and heavy-hitters Coca-Cola and PepsiCo are affected negatively.
20. Calorie-counting Americans are backing away from sugary soda, but they are also fleeing diet soda.
21. Sales volume across the entire beverage industry slid last year; however, smaller players such as Monster
Beverage and Red Bull expanded their market share because they appealed to younger consumers.

Sentence Faults (L.O. 3)

YOUR TASK. In the following, identify the sentence fault (fragment, run-on sentence, comma splice). Then revise to remedy the
fault.
22. Although PepsiCo signed Beyoncé to endorse its soft drinks. Sales continued to plummet.
23. In the beverage industry, the latest sales declines are astonishing. But not surprising.
24. Sugar-filled soft-drink sales have been declining for nine straight years, however diet drinks are not far behind.
25. Coca-Cola hired a creative director PepsiCo tried a new bottle design.
26. Health concerns are not the only problem, soft-drink makers are also facing a boom in alternative beverages.

Emphasis (L.O. 4)

YOUR TASK. For each of the following sentences, circle (a) or (b). Be prepared to justify your choice.
27. Which sentence is more emphatic? Why?
a. Artisanal, small-batch burgers will compete well against the burger giants.
b. Although many new burger restaurants are opening, ours will be unique because we plan to feature artisanal, small-batch
burgers that we expect will compete well against the burger giants that have controlled the burger restaurant business for
decades.

78 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

28. Which sentence is more emphatic? Why?
a. The new restaurant will attract foot traffic and also serve unique burgers.
b. The new restaurant will attract foot traffic and, most important, will serve unique burgers.
29. Which sentence is more emphatic? Why?
a. For many reasons hamburgers are definitely American.
b. Hot, fast, and affordable hamburgers are a uniquely American triumph.
30. Which sentence emphasizes the writer of the report?
a. Emma wrote a report about the emergence of fast casual restaurants such as Panera Bread and Chipotle Mexican Grill.
b. A report about the emergence of fast casual restaurants such as Panera Bread and Chipotle Mexican Grill was written
by Emma.
31. Which sentence places more emphasis on the seminar?
a. A training seminar for all new managers starts June 1.
b. We are pleased to announce that starting June 1 a training seminar for all new managers will include four prominent speakers
who own famous restaurants.
32. Which sentence is more emphatic?
a. Because he has experience in the restaurant business, the new CEO comes highly recommended and is expected to appear at
the next meeting of the management board on January 17, which has been rescheduled because of room conflicts.
b. The new, experienced CEO comes highly recommended. He will appear at the next meeting of the management board on
January 17.
33. Which sentence is more emphatic?
a. Three burger restaurants compete for business: (1) McDonald’s, (2) Burger King, and (3) Shake Shack.
b. Three burger restaurants compete for business:
(1) McDonald’s
(2) Burger King
(3) Shake Shack
34. Which sentence is less emphatic?
a. One of our global brand’s profits decreased last quarter.
b. Profits in Esso-branded fuels, services, and lubricants dropped 15 percent last quarter.
35. Which sentence de-emphasizes the refusal of government funding?
a. Pfizer said no to research and development money from the government.
b. Although Pfizer appreciated potential government funding, the American multinational pharmaceutical corporation financed
its R&D independently instead.
36. Which sentence gives more emphasis to emotional intelligence?
a. She has many admirable qualities, but most important is her emotional intelligence.
b. She has many admirable qualities, including emotional intelligence, good judgment, and leadership skills.

Active-Voice Verbs (L.O. 4)

YOUR TASK. Business writing is more forceful when it uses active-voice verbs. Revise the following sentences so that verbs
are in the active voice. Put the emphasis on the doer of the action. Add subjects if necessary.

EXAMPLE Laws were passed to protect homeowners from scams.

REVISION Governments passed laws to protect homeowners from scams.
37. Workers were asked to wear badges with tiny sensors to monitor their communication and activity patterns at
Bank of America.
38. Tracking devices are being installed by many companies to gather real-time information on how employees interact.
39. Reliable data about how workers do their jobs are difficult to collect.
40. Concern was expressed by some workers about the difference between Big Data and Big Brother.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 79

Passive-Voice Verbs (L.O. 4)
YOUR TASK. When indirectness or tact is required, use passive-voice verbs. Revise the following sentences so that they are
in the passive voice.

EXAMPLE Kendall did not submit the report before the deadline.
REVISION The report was not submitted before the deadline.
41. Kendall made a serious error in our annual tax figures.
42. We discovered the error too late to correct the annual report.
43. The Federal Trade Commission targeted deceptive diet advertisements by weight-loss marketers.
44. We issue refunds only for the amount of the purchase; we are unable to include shipping and handling charges.
45. An embarrassing mishap was caused because someone misinterpreted the procedures somehow.

Parallelism (L.O. 4)
YOUR TASK. Revise the following sentences so that their parts are balanced.
46. (Hint: Match verbs.) Critics complain that young people today are obsessed with playing video games, taking selfies, and they
are constantly checking their social media pages.
47. (Hint: Match adjectives.) To be hired, an applicant must be reliable, creative, and show enthusiasm.
48. (Hint: Match verb phrases.) Job seekers use the Internet to find job opportunities, market themselves to companies, showcase
their skills, and they hope to be able to land that dream job.
49. (Hint: Match adjectives.) Recent graduates are seeking jobs that are stimulating and a challenge.
50. LinkedIn can help college graduates by sending job alerts, by leveraging their networks, they can research a company, and
LinkedIn can take the awkwardness out of asking for recommendations.
51. A company’s website might contain valuable information such as you might find current job openings, the company’s mission
statement might be there, and the names of key hiring managers could be available.
52. When you want to complain about something, sending an e-mail or a letter is better than to make a telephone call.
53. The NSF application for a grant requires this information: proposed funds required for staff salaries, how much we expect to
spend on equipment, and what is the length of the project.

Dangling and Misplaced Modifiers (L.O. 4)

YOUR TASK. Revise the following sentences to avoid dangling and misplaced modifiers.
54. While interviewing applicants, questions are often asked by recruiters about qualifications.
55. To be reimbursed, the enclosed application must be filled out and returned.
56. Skilled at social networking, the marketing contract was won by ReachOut.
57. Susan made a presentation about workplace drug problems in our boardroom.

Organizing Paragraph Sentences (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. In a memo to the college president, the athletic director argues for a new stadium scoreboard. One paragraph will
describe the old scoreboard and why it needs to be replaced. Study the following list of ideas for that paragraph.
1. The old scoreboard is a tired warhorse that was originally constructed in the 1970s.
2. It is now hard to find replacement parts when something breaks.
3. The old scoreboard is not energy efficient.

80 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

 4. Coca-Cola has offered to buy a new sports scoreboard in return for exclusive rights to sell soft drinks on campus.
5. The old scoreboard should be replaced for many reasons.
6. It shows only scores for football games.
7. When we have soccer games or track meets, we are without a functioning scoreboard.

58. Which sentence should be the topic sentence?

59. Which sentence(s) should be developed in a separate paragraph?
60. Which sentences should become support sentences?

Building Coherent Paragraphs (L.O. 5)

YOUR TASK. Organize the following sentences into coherent paragraphs.
61. Use the information from the previous activity Organizing Paragraph Sentences to write a coherent paragraph about
replacing the sports scoreboard. Strive to use three devices to build coherence: (a) repetition of key words, (b) pronouns that
clearly refer to previous nouns, and (c) transitional expressions.
62. Use the following facts to construct a coherent paragraph with a topic sentence and appropriate transitional expressions in the
supporting sentences. Strive for conciseness.
● Car dealers and lenders offer a variety of loan terms.
● To get the best deal, shop around when buying a new or used car.
● You have two payment options: you may pay in full or finance over time.
● You should compare offers and be willing to negotiate the best deal.
● If you are a first-time buyer—or if your credit isn’t great—be cautious about special financing offers.
● Buying a new or used car can be challenging.
● Financing increases the total cost of the car because you are also paying for the cost of credit.
● If you agree to financing that carries a high interest rate, you may be taking a big risk. If you decide to sell the car before the loan
expires, the amount you get from the sale may be far less than the amount you need to pay off the loan.
● If money is tight, you might consider paying cash for a less expensive car than you originally had in mind.
63. Revise the following wordy and poorly organized paragraph. Add a topic sentence. Correct problems with pronouns,
parallelism, and misplaced or dangling modifiers. Add transitional expressions if appropriate.
You may be interested in applying for a new position within the company. The Human Resources Department maintains these
lists, and you may see which jobs are available immediately. The positions are at a high level. Current employees may apply
immediately for open positions in production, for some in marketing, and jobs in administrative support are also available. To
make application, these positions require immediate action. Come to the Human Resources Department. On the company intranet
you can see the lists showing the open positions, what the qualifications are, and job descriptions are shown. Many of the jobs are
now open. That’s why we are sending this now. To be hired, an interview must be scheduled within the next two weeks.

Radical Rewrites
Note: Radical Rewrites are provided at [Link] for you to download and revise. Your instructor may show a suggested
solution.
Radical Rewrites provide messages that need to be rewritten. Rewriting is an excellent way to help you build writing skills.
It enables you to focus on revising and not on supplying a context or generating imaginary facts. Your instructor’s feedback
regarding your strengths and challenges will speed your growth as a skilled business communicator.

3.1 Radical Rewrite: Improving a Faulty E-Mail Message (L.O. 4, 5)

YOUR TASK. Study the numbered sentences in the following poorly written e-mail message. In teams or in a class discussion,
identify specific sentence faults. Hint: You should find five sentence fragments, one dangling modifier, one passive-voice sentence,
and one parallelism fault. Your instructor may ask you to revise the message to remedy these writing faults.

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 81

 To: [Link]@[Link]
From: [Link]@[Link]
Subject: Responding to Your Question About eBay Profits

Hi, Sierra,
1
As your CPA, I’m happy to respond to your request for clarification of the tax status of profits from eBay. 2Or one of the
other online sellers such as Etsy, Amazon, and Bonanza.
3
As you are probably already aware, you can use eBay or one of the other sellers to clean out your closets or to run a small
business. 4Tax liabilities should definitely be clarified. 5Although no clear line separates fun from profit or a hobby from a
business. 6One thing is certain: the IRS taxes all income.
7
A number of factors will help you determine whether your hobby is a business. 8To use eBay safely, the following questions
should be considered:
9
Do you run the operation in a businesslike manner? 10That is, do you keep records, is your profit and loss tracked,
and how about keeping a separate checking account?
11
Do you devote considerable time and effort to your selling? 12If you spend eight or more hours a day trading on
eBay. 13The IRS would tend to think you are in a business.
14
Some people depend on the income from their eBay activities for their livelihood. 15Do you?
16
Are you selling items for more than they cost you? 17If you spend $5 for a garage sale vase and sell it for $50.
18
The IRS would probably consider this a business transaction.

All profits are taxable. 20Even for eBay sellers who are just playing around. 21If you wish to discuss this further, please
19

call me at 213-456-8901.

Justin Corona
[Full contact information]

Grammar/Mechanics Checkup 3

Verbs
Review Sections 1.10–1.15 in the Grammar Review section of the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook. Underline any incorrect form in
statements 1–11 below. In the space provided, write the correct form (or C if correct) and the number of the Grammar/Mechanics
principle illustrated. For statements 12–15 follow the instructions. When you finish, compare your responses with those at the
bottom of this page. If your responses differ, study carefully the principles in parentheses.

has (1.10c) EXAMPLE Every one of the top salespeople have been awarded stellar bonuses.
1. The invitation-only business council provide an opportunity to learn from
other executives.
2. Our virtual team have been paving the way to enable more employees to work remotely.
3. Everyone except the new-hires onboarded this year has been issued
crisp new uniforms.
4. On the next bus is the quality assurance staff and the logistics team members.
5. Are you sure that your password management software storing login data
and your personal profiles are secure?
6. If you was surrounded by noisy machinery for hours each day, you would
eventually damage your hearing.

82 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

 7. Nationwide, along with most other large national lenders, offer a variety of mortgages.
8. Some of the board members insists that the evidence presented in
support of the merger was flimsy.
9. The angry worker’s letter of resignation had laid on the boss’s desk for a week
before anyone noticed it.
10. Either of the surfacings (porous or fine-textured) are more cost effective
than noise barriers or noise insulation and offer the highest noise reduction.
11. By now all managers should have went to the diversity and inclusion training.

In the space provided, write the letter of the sentence that illustrates consistency in
subject, voice, tense, and mood.

12. a. First, evaluate the attributes of the grinding tools; then, select the machine best suited
for the application.
b. First, evaluate the attributes of the grinding tools; then, the machine best suited
for the application must be selected.
13. a. All visitors must sign in as they enter; only then will you be admitted.
b. All visitors must sign in as they enter; only then will they be admitted.
14. a. By adding overhead digital cameras, projectors, and control software,
an ideal cutting solution can be achieved.
b. By adding overhead digital cameras, projectors, and control software,
users can achieve an ideal cutting solution.
15. a. Our manager was a kind joker who always cheered us up.
b. Our manager was a kind joker who always cheers us up.

15. a (1.14b—matches verb tense)

10. is (1.10h) 11. gone (1.15) 12. a (1.15c—matches active voice) 13. b (1.15c—matches subjects) 14. b (1.15c—matches active voice)
1. provides (1.10i) 2. has (1.10i) 3. C (1.10h) 4. are (1.10e) 5. is (1.10c) 6. were (1.12) 7. offers (1.10d) 8. insist (1.10b) 9. lain (1.15)

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 83

 Editing Challenge 3
Every chapter provides an editing exercise to build your grammar and mechanics skills. The following letter requires edits in
proofreading, grammar, spelling, punctuation, capitalization, and writing techniques covered in this chapter. Study the guidelines
in the Grammar/Mechanics Handbook (Appendix D), including the lists of Confusing Words and Frequently Misspelled Words.
YOUR TASK. Edit the following by (a) inserting corrections in your textbook or on a photocopy using the proofreading marks in
Appendix C or (b) downloading the message from [Link] and correcting at your computer.

Gymzo Total Body

TRAINING | MASSAGE | WELLNESS
244 Brickyard Avenue, Detroit, MI 48205 (313) 588-3248

June 8, 2022

Peyton R. Yassin
662 Marquette Drive
Detroit, MI 92695

Dear Peyton Yassen:

You probably choose Gymzo Total Body because it has became one of the top-rated gyms in
the Detroit Metro area. Making your work out enjoyable has always been our principle goal.
To continue to provide you with the best equipment and programs, your feedback is needed
by my partner and myself.

We have build an outstanding program with quality equipment, excellent training programs,
and our support staff is very helpful. We feel, however, that we could have a more positive
affect and give more individual attention if we could extend our peak usage time. You have
probable noticed that attendance at the gym raises from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m. We wish it was
possible to accommodate all our customers on their favorite equipment during those hours.
Although we can’t stretch an hour. We would like to make better use of the time between
8 p.m. and 11 p.m. With more members’ coming later, we would have less crush from 4 to 8
p.m. Our exercise machines and strength-training equipment is lying idle later in the evening.

To encourage you to stay later, security cameras for our parking area are being considered by
us. Cameras for some inside facilitys may also be added. We have gave this matter a great
deal of thought. Although Gymzo Total Body have never had an incident that endangered a
member. We have went to considerable trouble to learn about security cameras. Because we
think that you will feel more comfortable with them in action.

Please tell us what you think, fill out the enclosed questionnaire, and drop it in the ballot box
during your next visit at the desk. We are asking for your feed back about scheduling your
workouts, selecting your equipment, and if you would consider coming later in the evening.
If you have any other suggestions for reducing the crush at peak times. Please tell us on the
enclosed form.

Cordially,

Finley Trinidad, Manager

Enclosure

NOTE: When writing to a recipient with a gender-neutral name and you cannot be sure of the person’s gender of identity, omit the
honorific (Ms., Mrs., or Mr.) and address the individual by the full name, first and last, as in these examples: Dear Carson Brown, Dear
Sawyer Miller, or Dear Phoenix Holt.

84 Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages

 Communication Workshop: Social Media

Eight Tips for Safe Social Networking

Despite the undeniable upsides of social networking, social away. Criminals scour social networks to find empty houses
media sites track users and sell their information. After to burgle.
all, that’s their business model. All this data is not always ● Think twice before friending. Don’t reject friend
used legitimately, for instance, for annoying but harmless requests from some coworkers while accepting them from
ad targeting. Savvy business communicators can protect others. Snubbed workers may harbor ill feelings. Don’t friend
themselves with the following safeguards: your managers unless they friend you first. Send friend
● Beware of privacy settings. Many sites promise users requests only once. On the flip side, don’t accept every friend
control over their privacy. Don’t rely on the default set- or follow request you receive. Connect only with people you
tings, which are devised to extract a maximum of data and know in real life. Criminals create fake online accounts to
other information about your device, location, and Internet befriend others and harvest personal information for nefari-
behavior. Read the site’s privacy policy and use its settings to ous purposes.
control who sees your basic information, personal informa- ● Be careful of third-party apps. Polls, quizzes, and games
tion, photos, contact lists, and postings. Not every app needs often look innocent, but signing up for them may be giving
to know your location or be able to access your photos and scammers permission to access your profile. And if you decide
camera. Revisit your privacy choices periodically because to pay for admission or added perks, you may be providing
social media sites can change settings anytime without your credit card and private information to cyber criminals.
notice. Don’t rely solely on privacy settings. Always use dis-
cretion in what you post.
● Limit your LinkedIn info. Think carefully before posting
your full résumé to LinkedIn. Yes, you do want to include
● Check before you click. Never let your guard down when enough information to help in a job search, but don’t make it
presented with hyperlinks in e-mails, messages, texts, or on easy for identity thieves to use that information, for instance,
unfamiliar websites. A scam called phishing is still ensnaring to fill out a loan application.
unsuspecting users. Even if a message looks as if it’s from
your bank, visit the organization’s website instead of fol-
● Don’t link accounts. Many websites and apps allow you to
lowing a link in an e-mail. Beware of videos forwarded from log in with Facebook, Gmail, etc., rather than creating a sepa-
friends on Messenger, for example. The media could infect rate account. Doing so enables the social network to share
your device with malware as hackers may have cracked that all the information it holds about you, including the date and
person’s account. Use an alternate method to confirm the place of your birth and other personal information. Is the
message and the media forwarded to you. temporary convenience worth the risk?
● Realize that Big Data never goes away. Whether you CAREER APPLICATION. Office workers and businesspeople
are making business contacts or visiting fun sites, you are leav- are steeped in technology. Best practices are a key concern in IT
ing a digital trail practically forever when you have a smart and HR departments. We’ve presented eight salient tips here for
device and browse the Internet—even in incognito mode! Be the safe use of social media.
mindful of the digital “bread crumbs” (cookies) you are leaving YOUR TASK. In teams discuss the tips presented here.
behind when you search. Seek out tips from reputable online From your own experience, add more suggestions that can
sources and trustworthy forums suggesting steps toward avoid- make social media use safer. What risky behavior have you
ing nonessential cookies, targeted advertising, and location experienced or observed? What violations of decorum and
tracking. civility have you witnessed? Prepare a list of additional helpful
● Beware of oversharing. If your employer visits your Insta- tips. Present them using the format shown here, with each
gram page and notices a flurry of activity while you should be statement a command. Submit your list to your instructor and
working, you might land in the hot seat. If you call in sick and discuss it in class. Consider making a PowerPoint presentation
then allow Facebook to show your location, you could reveal summarizing your findings and offering cautionary tales for
that you’re playing hooky. Additionally, never give details of illustration.
upcoming travel or post pictures from your trip while you’re

Chapter 3: Organizing and Drafting Business Messages 85