ISSN 2348-3156 (Print)

International Journal of Social Science and Humanities Research ISSN 2348-3164 (online)
Vol. 7, Issue 4, pp: (583-592), Month: October - December 2019, Available at: [Link]

Sexual Identity Development and the Coming

out Process of Self-Identified Gays: A
Qualitative Study
Maya N. Realista1, Dorothea C. Dela Cruz2, Mark N. Abadiano3
1,2
Centro Escolar University, 3University of Cebu

Abstract: The search for one’s sexual identity is a significant process of human development and experiencing some
difficulty in developing a positive sexual identity is normal and expected; however, when this process is entangled
with a minority status, it becomes more complex to handle. Gay youth need to cope with being part of a minority
group that is commonly stigmatized and discriminated for being different. This study was conducted to explore on
the experiences of gay youth during their coming out process and sexual identity development. The study utilized a
narrative inquiry approach which includes in-depth semi-structured interviews to capture individual narratives of
self-identified gays with ages ranging from 19 to 24 years old. Findings reveal that visible gay figures in their
immediate environment and frequent interaction with female figures reinforced their gay identity development.
Gays compensate sexual identity by proving oneself to parents to earn their recognition and acceptance; however,
parental acceptance typically involves articulated conditions. It was also found out that verbal abuse is a common
form of discrimination experienced by these gays in the society. The findings provided a rich and deep
understanding of the experiences of gay youth which can serve as bases for helping professionals to develop a more
inclusive program that will address to the needs of this population.
Keywords: Sexual Identity, Coming Out Process, Self-Identified Gays.

1. INTRODUCTION
The search for one’s sexual identity is a significant process of human development. During adolescence, young people
begin to question what it means to be a man or a woman. For most of them, gender identity will correspond to their
biological sex, either masculine or feminine (Oswalt, 2010). However, some may have a strong sense or feeling of having
both sexual identities. Sexual identity development whether heterosexual or homosexual is an essential part of human
development. The difficulty one experiences in developing a positive sexual identity is normal and expected; however,
when this search is entangled with a minority status such as sexual orientation, it becomes more even complex to handle
for the adolescents. They face these typical tasks and additional challenges that are strongly and directly related to the
social stigma of their sexual orientation, which leads to health disparities and increase risks for developing serious mental
health problems (Meyer, 2013).
It is somewhat important to consider the uniqueness of LGBT individuals’ experiences during this process of
development. Gay youth, although face the same developmental challenges as their heterosexual counterparts, need to
cope with being part of a minority group which is commonly stigmatized and discriminated for being different. They are
not only misunderstood, but teased, laughed at, and even punished for being who they are (Oswalt, 2010). However,
research indicates that if they are able to establish a healthy identity, their risk factors decreased (Wang, Schale, & Broz,
2010). Some LGB individuals may be certain about their identities; however, they still experience negative feelings about
self and his place in the world (Bregman, Malik, Page, Makyen, & Lindahl, 2013). Accepting themselves may become
difficult for them considering the discrimination they received not only from society but also from their family and peers.
Moreover, those who have accepted their sexuality may also face the problem of disclosing oneself to others. According
to Legate, Ryan & Weinstein as cited in Li & Samp, (n.d.), disclosing in a supportive and non-controlling environment
was found to be associated with developing a better psychological well-being. When they feel accepted, they will have
greater self-esteem; functions well and generally safe from psychological distress (Baruth & Manning, 2016).
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Furthermore, given that societal transformation is becoming more open, less restrictive, democratic, accepting culture for
gays and despite significant changes in the contemporary world, still these youth are faced with specific needs and
numerous challenges which affect their everyday lives. Gay youth are still susceptible to verbal, physical and emotional
abuse which they experience at home, at school and in communities. Homophobia is still so pervasive that many people
do not perceive ill-treatment of gay youth as abusive or wrong rather viewed as a natural response to gay lifestyles
(Butler, 2000). There are discriminatory behaviors experienced by gays in the community especially those who are open
and revealing about their gender preferences, often become a target of bullying, and face increasing alienation from
mainstream society (Halquist, 2012). Gay youth are likely to experience bullying of some kind whether verbal, physical,
emotional, or all of the above at some point during their adolescent development, and even beyond this stage (Ryan &
Ivers as cited in Halquist, 2012). These experiences can hinder the development of a healthy identity. However, some
counseling clients are able to manage these experiences and are more assertive of their rights. Thus, the ways these young
gays address their experiences in coming out with a gay identity and given that the process of coming out is likely to vary
from one generation to the next sparks some interest to the researcher to consider a qualitative approach to capture
individual narratives from gay youth in an attempt to have an in-depth understanding of their experiences as a sexual
minority. This approach was chosen in the sense that the participants belong to a group of individuals which are
considered as marginalized or people with stigmatized identity. It is also the purpose of this study to help advocate for this
group and offer future suggestions for professionals working with this population of youth. As Kietzer (2015) contends, a
comprehensive understanding of the LGBT experience on individual, social, and community levels is valuable in the
successful implementation and utilization of intervention techniques to help these individuals achieve a secure sense of
self regardless of their sexuality.
Using narrative inquiry, this study investigates on the stories shared by gay youth in establishing a sexual identity and
coming out process. People employ storytelling as a means to recall and construe certain milestone that made a significant
change in their life. It is through the sharing of their narratives where they were able to express their thoughts and feelings
from the meanings of their experiences. The participants have gone through the process of coming out and have
established their gay identity. The main objective of this study is to explore and describe gay youth’s lived experiences on
their sexual identity development and the coming out process. Specifically, this study aimed to extrapolate and analyze
themes on the narratives gathered to describe the experiences encountered by participants in the process of coming out
and establishing their gay identity. The findings from this research could provide information to those in the helping
profession who are working with these individuals. Understanding the interplay of gay youth experiences and the factors
that influence their development is necessary to design effective support programs and appropriate resources for gay
youth.

2. METHODOLOGY
Research Design
Qualitative research provides a depth of understanding on the phenomena of interest from the standpoint of the
participants. According to Creswell (2007), qualitative research is conducted to understand the contexts or settings in
which participants address a problem or issue. It is also a way to empower individuals to share their stories, hear their
voices and allow them to collaborate with the researcher. In this particular study, a narrative inquiry design was utilized to
delve into the gay youth’s meaningful accounts of their lived experiences with regard to their identity development and
coming out processes. Narrative inquiry is based firmly in the premise that, as human beings, they come to understand
and give meaning to their lives through story (Andrews, Squire& Tambokou, 2008).
Research Participants
The participants were sixteen (16) gays recruited via purposive sampling specifically snowball or referent sampling. They
were eligible to be part of the study with the following criteria: (1) must be a self-identified gay; (b) 19 to 24 years old;
and (3) have been publicly out and have established their gay identity.
Sampling Technique
To achieve the purpose of the study, purposive sampling was employed. Purposive sampling allowed researcher to
actively choose individuals that serve a specific aim (Aday & Cornelius, 2011) and are willing to share the best
information needed for the topic (Wa-Mbaleka, 2018). Moreover, using a snowball technique, participants who were
recruited, in turn recruit other gays who met the criteria.
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Data Collection
Being the most recommended method to collect participants’ narratives, face-to-face and semi-structured interviews was
considered as a suitable primary data collection tool for this study which enable a flexible and in-depth exploration of the
issue. Semi-structured interviews allow the researchers to have an opportunity to ask follow up questions and enable
participants to speak freely. An interview guide/protocol which consists of open-ended questions was developed and
validated by five experts on its content validity particularly on the relevance of the instrument to the topic of research.
Furthermore, before the said interview guide was utilized to the research participants, a pilot study was conducted to three
gays who also met the selection criteria of the participants but were excluded from the actual study.
Interviews were done in-person at a convenient and comfortable location that was personally chosen by the respondent.
Prior to the start of each interview the researchers stated the purpose of the study; described and clarified the procedures
including the audio recording of the interview; confidentiality, and risks and benefits. Field notes which described the
observations on the behavior, nonverbal gestures such as facial expressions or body language of the participants were
written on the same day that the interview or observation was conducted. A draft copy of the transcribed data was given to
each of the participants for them to review, to give comments and to make adjustments to the information relating to their
shared experiences. All collected data were kept and stored in a safe place.
Data Analysis
Data analysis started right after the first interview was done and continued throughout the duration of data collection.
Organizing and managing data is important for an effective and efficient data analysis (Wa-Mbaleka, 2018). The collected
data for the study were analyzed employing the analysis of narratives or the paradigmatic mode of analysis of
Polkinghorne (1995). It is a method of classifying general features and common characteristics to fit into a larger pattern.
It treats stories as data and seeks to identify common themes that hold across stories. Furthermore, this study utilized the
inductive type of paradigmatic analysis of narratives in which concepts were inductively derived from the data. It is a
process of coding the data without any preconceived analysis or the researcher is not trying to fit the data into some pre-
existing coding frame (Braun and Clarke, 2006). The findings were presented by means of the description of themes that
are common across stories. The data on the interviews were analyzed in its original form. The raw data were not
translated into other language or dialect than what was transcribed to capture the essence of the words expressed by the
participants in order to develop appropriate codes.
Ethical Considerations
Prior to the conduct of the study, ethical approval was obtained from the Institutional Ethics Review Committee of Centro
Escolar University. The selection criteria for choosing the participants of the study were faithfully followed. There were
no discrimination as to religious affiliation and social status in the selection of participants. Participants were asked to
complete a brief demographic questionnaire and were asked to read, review and sign an informed consent form. A copy of
the informed consent form was provided to the participants individually. Moreover, the participants were asked to choose
their own pseudonym upon signing the form and were informed that this pseudonym will be used in the presentation of
data. The participants who have voluntarily participated were informed of their right to withdraw anytime during the
conduct of the interview without explaining their reason.
Researcher’s Reflexivity
The researchers, being the primary data collection instrument and data analyst of this study, ensured that their personal
biases and preconceived beliefs about gays or being gays did not affect the process of data interpretation. Their high
respect, affection and predilection to gays were withheld so as not to interfere with the stories and answers disclosed
during the interviews and ensure the credibility of the data. This was done by allowing each of the participant to tell his
story in his own unique ways and incorporating the art of listening by focusing on what the participant has to say and not
just hearing what they anticipated the participants to convey. Moreover, the researchers were cautious in ensuring the
rigor of the study, thus strategies to guarantee trustworthiness were carried out throughout the study.

3. RESULTS AND DISCUSSION

The 16 narratives investigated in this study have shown how young gays have explored and navigated their journey in
establishing their sexual identity. Each narrative present a unique set of experiences which include highlights of events,
turning points and meanings that outline the objective of this study. The emerging themes from the participants naratives

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were discussed. Aside from the commonalities found in their narratives, distinctive issues which were found relevant in
the stories were also included in the presentation and discussion of findings in order to present different perspectives on
the issue (Yin as cited by Wa-Mbaleka, 2018).
Theme1: Curiosity and Awareness of Feeling Different
Majority of the participants revealed that they started to feel something different when they were in elementary. Some of
them have come out to themselves and others during this time while others were able to come out only when they were in
high school. At a young age, they shared that they would prefer getting along and playing with girls than with boys their
age. Spongebob was only 8 years old while Minion was 9 years old and Zhen was 10 years old when they felt they were
different. Prior to developing their curiosity and awareness of being different, these young gays used to play and get along
with boys their age but gradually discovered that they enjoy more playing with girls than with boys. Then they started to
show effeminate gestures and imitate their girl friends’ actions. Jhey was also very young when his effeminate ways were
already visible to people around him. Even his Grade 1 teacher has told his mother about her observation. However, he
knew that his father will never approve of it so it was only in high school when he had the courage to come out. Jhey
shared the testimony of his relatives regarding his behavior when he was a young boy:
“Adtong bata pa ko ingon akong mga aunties ug uncles makit-an nako nila magsayaw sayaw then magkiay-
kiay. Then mga 5 year old ko mabantayan na ko nila mas ganahan ko makigdula sa mga babae.” (“My aunts
and uncles told me that when I was a kid, they have predicted I will become gay because at a young age, they
already observed my effeminate ways in dancing and walking. Then when I was 5 years old, I preferred
playing with girls.”)
Just like Jhey, RJ, the third child among four children came out only when he was in high school. He bubbly shared his
early experiences and how he eventually developed a gay identity.
“Actually murag sa elementray pa ko ganahan na jud kog fairy, flowers flowers then gaapil kog programs
sa school sayaw sayaw. Mga Grade 2 ko adto pero wala pa ko kabalo nga gay na diay ako nilihokan.
Hangtod nag Grade 6 ko gakaattract ko sa mga lalaki. Pag high school naa na jud kakaiba sa ako nilihokan
pero feel na ko kabalo na akong mga parents pod.” (“Actually when I was in elementary, I was already
fascinated with fairies and flowers. I joined school programs where I usually dance. I preferred girls’
company over boys. I was in Grade 2 then but I was not aware of my actions yet. When I was in Grade 6, I
started to get attracted to boys. When I reached high school, I already felt different and I also felt my parents
know.”
Being curious about one’s preference such as being in the company of girls over boys was clearly manifested in the
narratives shared by gay participants. Data show that this curiosity leads to being aware of feeling different from young
boys their age. The more that they become curious, the deeper they try to explore that difference. Some had achieved self-
acceptance at a young age while others had to take some considerations before admitting who they really are; thus, come
out a little bit later. The findings is consistent with the study of Abcede, Esporna and Pepito (2016), where participants
said that their sexual orientation is natural for them at a young age and some even disclosed feeling that way since birth.
Additionally, Waray gays’ coming out stories also begin with feeling different from their same-sex peers at a very young
age as revealed in the findings of Docena (2013). Likewise, Go (2014) conducted a study on the coming out stories of
Filipino gay men. These gays have disclosed that they were gay since young. They have experienced having a particular
fondness for their same-sex peers. This description highlights their deviation from the established expectation that boys
should be masculine and develop attraction toward girls.
Theme 2: Same Sex Attraction and Relationship
A big part in the construction of their identity is their unique experiences when it comes to same sex attraction and
relationship. Like any other young adolescents, they too have experienced having crushes and same sex attraction. In their
stories, participants described the kind of relationships they have experienced. Prominent to their stories were
relationships which were discreet in nature. Others have revealed engaging in a long distance kind of relationship; a
relationship characterized by distance and the only way of communication may be through phone and other multimedia
means. Spongebob who had two long distance relationships, confessed that he never told anyone about these relationships
because he knew they will not be fully accepted by the society. Zhen who had a relationship with a bisexual had kept his
relationship a secret from his mother because of fear of rejection. However, there were also relationships as disclosed by
the participants which lasted for years such as Rockstar Boss’s first relationship lasted for three years but ended up
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without proper closure. Other participants however have disclosed that they have not yet engaged in a serious relationship
but experienced having some form of mutual understanding with the same sex.
Kim and Benja admitted that in the process of their identity development, they went through an identity crisis. Both have
tried to fight the feeling and resorted to trying to establish romantic heterosexual relationships as a means to evaluate
one’s gender. They both expressed that before they achieve self-acceptance; they were struggling to fight back
establishing a gay identity. Consequent to the curiosity and awareness of feeling different, it was evident in their stories
that they experienced being attracted to the same sex peers aside from the preference of being in the company of girls.
The study of Paul (2008) on gays, described that participants disclosed a feeling of being different early in their lives and
tied this feeling to same-sex attraction. Likewise, in this particular study, gay youth have disclosed having developed
crushes towards the same sex as young as 9 and 10 years old. Some of them have successfully established a relationship.
Noticeably, there were three common descriptions that arise from these relationships: the relationship is discreet, a long
distance type and the partner is a bisexual. One of the reasons provided by these gays when asked why they chose to keep
their relationship a secret and get involved in a long distance type of relationship was because they want to avoid being
judged. Being away from each other means less visibility in public
Theme 3: Challenges and Struggles in Coming Out
The most common challenges and struggles experienced by the gay youth in coming out pertains to their difficulty
expressing themselves particularly to their family. Based from their narratives, most of them have not verbalized their
being gay to their family while some have admitted only when they were asked by either their parents or their siblings.
Between their mother and their father, it was their father whom they have experienced the worst. Dondon, Wawa and
Nam Sin talked about how their fathers had emphasized their surnames and stressed that there was no gay in their
bloodline.
Zhen’s coming out struggle was caused by the fact that he felt alone being the first to ever come out in their place. He said
it was a bit difficult “magladlad” (unfold oneself) or to flaunt his effeminate behavior particularly in their sitio because he
felt he is helpless without anyone to call on as an ally. Like Zhen, Dondon at first had concealed his identity before totally
coming out but not because he felt alone too but rather he was afraid to be mocked and called “bayot”. He confessed:
“Sauna pa lang bisan kabalo ko sa ako self nga bayot ko dili man japon ko pahalata sa akong nilakwan,
pormal japon pero sa mga dugay na nako nga amigo diha ra ko mas open.” (“Before, even though I already
knew I am gay, I usually act like a straight guy because I was afraid of being called “bayot” (gay). I was
only more open about my identity to my close friends or those I have known for a long time.”)
Consistent with studies on sexual identity development of gays and other sexual minorities is the disclosure of one’s
sexuality either to parents, friends or to the society. Findings reveal that participants tend to disclose their sexuality to
people with whom they discern that they would be accepted. On the other hand, they tend to feel hesitant about sharing
this information with people they feared would not be supporting. According to Ereňo (2014), apart from gays’ personal
struggle to accept their true gender identity, they must also face the difficult task of making their peers, families, and
friends understand them for who they are. Based from the stories of the participants of this study, when they feel that they
have acknowledged within themselves that they are gay, they have the desire to disclose it to their loved ones so that they
will not have to pretend anymore however, based on the abovementioned data, their struggles and challenges in coming
out were rooted from the expectations of their parents on them. Ereňo (2014) contended that Filipino parents have high
expectations that their children will have a heterosexual relationship and not of the same-sex. Thus, it is difficult
especially for a father to accept his son become gay considering that in the Filipino culture, a son is expected to bear and
carry their family name to the next generation. Indeed, identity development is influenced by heteronormativity and
patriarchal norms which are common in the Philippine context (Go, 2014). Uncertainty and doubt over the reactions of
others prevent them sometimes to come out.
Theme 4: Presence of Environmental Influences
The presence of gay figures and exposure with female figures in the home or in the school has been significant in the
development of gay identity. Most of the participants disclosed that when they were young, they used to play with girl
playmates and were surrounded by female such as their sisters, aunts and cousins. Growing up, Minion disclosed that his
gay concept formation was influenced by his cousin (Kuya) who is also a gay and to whom Minion first revealed his gay

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identity. He observed him wearing make-up and also had the chance to meet his cousin’s boyfriend. These observations
made him become curious and eventually become interested about being gay. On the other hand, for Spongebob, his
gayness was largely influenced by his gay cousin who is one year older than him. He was also his constant companion
while growing up. They both enjoyed the company of girls. Thus, at 8 years old, he disclosed, he already knew he was
different from boys. He considered that at a very young age, he had already come out with his family and neighbors and
has not struggled much during the process. His Kuya was his main reference in coming out. He revealed:
“Nakaingon ko ok ra siguro nabayot ko kay wala man pod kasab-i si kuya.” (“I was convinced that being
gay is okay since Kuya was not scolded for being one.”)
KBPA and his younger brother usually share toys bought by their parents. But KBPA did not enjoy these toys so
whenever he has the chance to go to his friend’s house, KBPA would buy a doll. KBPA grew up in the company of his
two older gay friends who were also his neighbors:
“Ana nga time naa koy duha ka close friends na mga bayot pod mas maguwang sa ako. Magdula mi ug doll
paliton namu tag diyes pesos sa merkado. Human dula ibilin ra pod nako didto sa ila, dili nako iuli. Wala
kabalo ako ginikanan.” (“Growing up, I had two gay friends in our place who were older than me and were
influential to me. We used to play dolls that we bought in the market at ten pesos in the house of one of my
friends. After playing, I left the doll at my friend’s house because I could not bring it at home. My parents
were not aware of it.”
Rockstar Boss, Dondon and Queen grew up with older sisters whom they share things with. Dondon disclosed that he gets
envious whenever her sister got a new dress or skirts and sometimes he will also try wearing it at home. Benja who grew
up in a large family of nine siblings where five of them are boys and four are girls is closer to his sisters than to his
brothers. Furthermore, during school break, Benja spent most of his vacation at his aunts’s house where he interacts
mostly with women. Queen, on the other hand, was not only influenced by her sisters by the toys they play but as well as
on the fairy tales they were fond of watching when they were young:
“Nagdako jud ko nga dependent ko sa akong mama, mas close ko sa iyaha kaysa sa akong papa. Isa pod
nainfluence pod ko sa akong mga magulang nga babae kay unsa nga stuff ila dulaan mura pod ako
madulaan pati salida ila matan-awan like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast ug Little Mermaid then
Tinkerbell pinakafavorite nako.” (“I grew up so dependent with my mother, I was closer to her than to my
father. I have older sisters whom I used to play with at home using their stuff and toys. When we were young,
we were also fond of watching fairy tales like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast and Little Mermaid and my
most favorite character was Tinkerbell.”)
Unlike, the rest of the participants who were influenced by their relatives, Nam Sin considered a gay neighbor who was a
high school teacher as his social model. He shared that at a young age, he admired his dancing skills as well as the way he
was respected by his students even if he is a gay. Nam Sin became interested to become like him. The experiences of
these gays from being curious about one’s sexuality and feeling different from their same-sex peers as well as the
experience on developing attraction towards them were reinforced by the experiences they encounter within their
environment. For instance, data show that being with the company of girls whether they were their playmates, siblings or
relatives somehow provided a means for them to be more inclined to explore the world supposedly attuned for girls.
Furthermore, the presence of gay figures seemed to be influential in their identity development. At the stage where
D’Augelli (1994) described as developing a personal gay status, the person is in the exploration phase of discerning what
it means to be gay. If during this stage, a young person in search for his identity have observed a role model; according to
the principle of social learning theory, an individual more likely adopt a modeled behavior if the model has admired status
and is akin to the observer (Bandura as cited in Culatta, 2019).
Theme 5: Recognition and Acceptance from Others
Five out of sixteen participants pointed out to having accepting and supportive families in the development of a gay
identity and even prior to their coming out. These gays do not seem to have a problem earning the recognition and
acceptance of their parents when they come out because their parents have either verbalized their acceptance or remained
silent but supportive. They interpreted their parents’ silence on the issue and some form of tolerance as a sort of
acceptance on their sexual identity. They said that their gestures and behaviors were enough to show them their real self.
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According to Rockstar Boss he has never heard his parents commented about his gender but he felt their support.
Likewise, Dondon said his parents have concluded through his actions but told him not to wear skirts to continue earning
other people’s respect. Minion, who grew up with his mother and without his biological father on his side did not directly
answer his mother when he was asked regarding his gay identity, but felt her support. While most of these gays found
support and acceptance from their mothers, it was not as easy as to seeking the same acceptance from their father for
acceptance involved some conditions. Nam Sin, who was punished by his father for his effiminate ways was eventually
accepted by his father when he was able to achieve his expectations:
“Adto nga time nahubog ako Papa. Ingon siya di na nako mapugngan imong kagustuhan. Isa ra ako
pangayoon sa imo kay wa man koy bahandi nga ikahatag sa inyo, kung ing ana man gani imo gusto, gusto ko
mahuman kag skwela ug mahimo kang professional aron dili ka kaminusan sa ubang tao.” (“That time my
father went home drunk. He said since this is what I want and because we are not rich, he will only request
one thing from me, that is, to finish college and become a professional teacher so that people won’t
underestimate me.”
Jhey and Queen have a different story to tell. There was a promise they have to keep, a promise that they told their fathers
when they were still alive. When he was in Grade 9, Queen’s father talked to him and told him that he can accept him as a
gay as long as he will not let others disrespect him and that he will have to finish his studies. Queen was grateful for
having that chance to hear his father’s wish because his father died before he finished high school. Jhey, on the other hand
had the chance to speak with his father about his sexual identity before he finished high school. He was in first year
college when he lost his father.
Meanwhile, Elsa who lived with his grandparents, revealed how he was heartily accepted for being who he is without
reservations. Elsa proudly shared how her grandmother’s acceptance means a lot for him:
“Nagsalig ko nga nay usa sa among pamilya nga gidawat ko mao ang akong grandmother. Ginahimo nako
siya nga great foundation sa akong identity. I don’t care if nay manghusga nako, I don’t care kung
makaexperience kog mga panlalait, the fact nga naa koy grandmother who accepts me for who I am and
what I am, enough na kayo na sa ako. Dili ko magpakalalaki para maaccept ko sa tao.” (“I was confident
that there was one person in the family who have accepted me unconditionally and that was my grandmother.
I made her as a great foundation of my identity. I don’t care if people will judge or mock me as long as I have
my grandmother who accepted me for who I am and for what I am, that would be enough for me. If people
will not like me for who I am, I don’t care and I won’t change my identity just to please them.”
Furthermore, the acceptance and support of their friends were much valuable for these young gays. They even claimed
that their friends protect them from anyone who tries to discriminate them. Majority of the participants revealed that they
did not experience having to talk about their identity to their friends instead assume that through their actions and
gestures, their friends already have known their sexual identity.
The need to be accepted at home and by their friends is equally important for these gays to be accepted in the school and
in the community. At school, most of the participants disclosed that they have experienced being accepted and appreciated
by their teachers. According to them, teachers were considerate and friendly to gays. Their teachers usually assigned them
some responsibilities in school activities which they feel empowered. When this is the case, the school serves as a safe
environment for these young gays where they are provided with a feeling of acceptance and sense of belongingness in a
community wherein they could be themselves and have the chance to interact with other gays without the fear of being
ridiculed. Most of them were also active members of the dance troupe for which they perform in some school events and
programs.
KBPA was one of the gays who expressed how he was influenced by a gay teacher especially in learning new skills.
These skills have helped him enhance his self-confidence especially that he is now earning an income by means of these
skills. KBPA proudly said:
“Naa man gud mi teachers mga gays. Isa sa ila nag introduce sa ako sa make up ug flower [Link]
nay mga activities, kami na jud ang isalang.” (“We have gay teachers in the school. One of them taught me
how to do make-up and flower arrangement. Whenever there are school activities, we were tapped by the
teachers.”)

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Some of the participants of the study were youth leaders in their community. They disclosed that they were pressured by
the expectations of their superiors on them. Minion, an SK Kagawad said he won in the elections because people has a
high expectation that he will responsibly and actively do his duties. Benja who admitted to be in a struggle within himself
and fighting his feelings to become masculine to please his parents have gained the respect of his peers from their place:
“I was one of the boys. Ako man gud murag dili jud ko ganahan nga mabayot ko pero mao man jud ko so
ako na lang iembrace kung unsay naa sa ako. Kabalo sila nga bayot ko then dili pod ko makigdula ug
basketball magkuyog-kuyog lang jud. Feel man pod nako ginarespeto ko nila. Sa pag uban-uban nako nila
mas ganahan ko kay dili ko nila ginajudge.” (“I was one of the boys. I really do not want to become gay but I
have to embrace my own identity. I went out with them like when they play basketball I get along but I don’t
play with them. I can feel their respect and they don’t judge me.”)
It was evident from the stories of the participant that to be recognized and accepted is a significant factor in the formation
of their identity. The value that they put on this acceptance seems to complete their personhood especially when the
recognition was from someone dear to them like their family and friends. Findings show that they have proven themselves
to their parents by doing well in school or by finishing their degrees to make them proud. Consistent with the findings of
Docena (2013), gay youth manifested a conscious effort to compensate for their sexual identity such as improving their
roles as a son and as students. This compensatory mechanism implied the need to excel in one area of their lives and be
acknowledged as a good son to strengthen their belief of the parental acceptance. Moreover, this current study found out
that aside from the external motivation of having to please their parents by being a good son; intrinsically, they are also
motivated to prove something for themselves. That is, despite being different and often stigmatized, they can compete
with their heterosexual counterparts and eventually succeed.
On the other hand, participants have disclosed that their friends were the most supportive. Although they do not need to
verbally disclose and come out, their friends have already accepted them. This finding is supported by Ereňo (2014),
according to him one clear reason why they prefer to disclose to their friends is peer attachment characterized by their
closeness or the open-mindedness of their peers towards homosexuality that lead to disclose to them. Likewise, in the
study of Paul (2008), participants talked about how important it was to find support from others in their journey and
majority of them said that friends are the common source of support for them. Being a part of a larger community, these
gays have found their niche as youth leaders and church servants. Similar to what they have experienced, these gays are
recognized and tapped in their community for their leadership skills. In some interviews conducted by Human Rights
Watch in 2017, it appeared that LGBT has accepted the message that their acceptance was perceived to be conditional and
such they have to present themselves as dutiful and talented members of the society.
Theme 6: Rejection and Discrimination Experiences
From their stories, these gay youth has unveiled the moments they had experienced some pain caused by rejection and
disrimination. Gays were selective to whom they disclosed to or often discreet about their sexuality because of fear of
homophobic reactions and rejection. As previously presented in the discussion, the most painful of these experiences were
those they have encountered with some of their family members. When Zhen’s parents detected he was gay, they
discouraged him because they want him to have his own family someday. Elsa, who grew up without a father experienced
rejection from his uncle:
“Naay point nga no matter how positive you are moabot jud ang negativity. Nakaexperience ko nga naay
member sa family nga dili ka accepted. It’s my uncle nga gusto niya himoon ko straight nga laki.” (“No
matter how positive you are, you will be shaken by negativity. I have experienced being rejected by a family
member. He’s my uncle, he wanted to make me a straight guy.”)
Even if the participants have confessed that they were treated nicely by their teachers in school, still they cannot avoid
heterosexist remarks from their fellow students. Dondon admitted that it hurts him being called by names. One of the most
painful discriminating remarks he heard was to be called “chaka na bayot” (ugly gay) by his schoolmates. Jhey also
experienced being teased and shouted as “bayot” in public. The term “bayot” which literally means gay in English was
sometimes used to belittle them. The term would figuratively refer to a person who is deviant to the society and an object
of laughter. Generally, homosexuality is perceived as a deviation from the norm in the society where majorit y are
heterosexuals. This might be true according to VanderStouwe (n.d.); however, an average heterosexual individual need

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not enter into another phase of identity formation and since people spend their lives creating and recreating their
identities, thus a thorough understanding of the narratives related with this identity construction as well as the role that
language plays in the process is important. Young gays were also very vulnerable to derogatory and judgmental remarks
from people in the community. They were inevitable from the inquisitive nature of local people. This finding is consistent
with the study conducted by Paul (2008) wherein gays experienced distress or struggle associated to what others would
think or if others may reject them.
Furthermore, heterosexist remarks were commonly thrown at them. One of the descriptions that truly hurt them was being
called a “salot” (plague). Elsa elaborated that people have that notion that if you were gay, you were “salot sa lipunan”
(plague in the society) and that they were allegedly accused of triggering the presence of storm and were responsible for
the disasters. And not only being called such but others would tend to add an undesirable phrase like these gays deserved
to be crucified or “ilansang sa krus”.
To experience rejection and discrimination is inevitable for this group of people who are considered as marginalized and
ostracized for being different. Undeniably, the heterosexism attitude would take a long time to diminish especially in a
predominantly heterosexual society. Many forms of rejection and discrimination were voiced out by the participants.
Verbal abuse was prominent in their stories. The fact that they were called with varied names, thrown insulting remarks
and to be the object of laughter for some people made them more vulnerable to having a low self-esteem. In the findings
of Halquist, (2012) on the lived experiences of gays who have experienced bullying during their formative years, it was
evident that their experience has deeply impacted them and made them feel as if their sexual identity was a barrier to their
overall existence and ability to succeed in life. No matter how they begin to love themselves and accept themselves for
who they are, these gay youth were faced with uncertainties and inferiorities because of the experiences they have
encountered with others.

4. CONCLUSIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS

The gay youth’s sexual identity development commence during elementary years when they become curious and aware
that they feel different from their same sex peers. The awareness of feeling different is also characterized by their
preference to get along with girls and fondness towards the same sex. These gay youth get involved in discreet
relationship with the same sex due to the invisibility of this kind in the society. Moreover, visible gay figures in their
immediate environment and frequent interaction with female figures reinforced their gay identity development. It was also
found out that verbal abuse is a common form of discrimination experienced by gays in the society particularly in the
research locale. They recognized their friends as the most supportive social entity in their coming out. On the other hand,
gays compensate sexual identity by proving oneself to parents to earn their recognition and acceptance however, parental
acceptance on their gay identity typically involves articulated conditions. It was also interesting to note that these young
gays appreciate when they are empowered and given responsibilities where they can showcase their talents and skills.
In the light of the findings and conclusions, the following recommendations were given: (a) Psychoeducational programs
incorporating topics on gender sensitivity, bullying, and discrimination against gays in the school and in the community
should be conducted; (b) Teachers and community personnel should be trained and be educated regarding mental health
law and their responsibilities in order to assist gay youth who needs help such as victims of discrimination and bulllying
especially when the guidance counselor is not available; (c) The school and community should provide resources and
opportunities for young gays to showcase their talents and skills to empower them and maximize their fullest potentials
and; (d) The school and community may conduct a group intervention to parents to help them understand and learn the
process of identity development of their child and that they will be able to share their experience to parents with gay
children, too.
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