How To Manage School
Refusal Behavior
Handbook for teachers
TABLE OF CONTENTS
I. INTRODUCTION 01
1. Definition
2. Signs
II. ANXIETY IN CHILDREN
1. What is anxiety? 03
2. Distinguishing between normal 04
anxiety and pathological anxiety.
III. INTERVENTION STRATEGIES
1. Things to avoid 06
2. Support from a companion 07
3. Changes in classroom 08
I. INTRODUCTION
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“He doesn't participate in circle time or group activities.”
“If all the children do an outdoor activity together, he doesn't participate
either.”
“The teachers notice that when they offer him the choice to sit outside the
circle, he observes, but doesn't participate at all.”
“I don’t want to go to school.”
These are things that preschool teachers frequently see every day when
children first arrive at school and even during class. Some children may
participate in class activities when encouraged or persuaded by the teacher.
However, in some cases, children completely refuse to go to school and
participate in class, and teachers or parents can't force them.
This is an issue that all teachers face. Teachers always want their students to
learn, but children can’t learn if they don’t “do” anything. This creates
difficulties and requires effort until teachers understand the problem. However,
teachers often don't recognize this as an issue that requires intervention, as
refusal to participate in class can easily be confused with other behaviors in
children such as complaining or avoiding. To be more specific:
Refusal means: For children who refuse to go to school, you can’t make
them do any tasks. They have extreme emotional reactions, usually due to
anxiety and fear. A child going through school refusal also struggles to
participate and/or stay at school throughout the day because of the
stress of going to school. This is more serious than complaining or
avoiding in children.
Complaining: Children complain about tasks because they don't like them
or want to do something else. But when you are firm, they will sit down and
start working.
Avoiding: Children may avoid doing tasks if they are too difficult for them.
However, with a little planning, negotiation, and help, they will sit down and
try.
Example: During swimming lessons, Minh often sits on the poolside and
observes. Minh has never hated the physical education activities; he just
doesn't want to participate.
01
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School refusal is not temporary. It is a persistent situation that tends to
increase over time. Children are so stressed and overwhelmed that refusing
to go to school becomes their only option. Some signs that teachers or parents
may observe include:
Student may skip school. You often hear children complain that they don’t
feel well, but it’s vague, like "I think I have a stomachache."
Student don’t sleep well.
When arriving at school, children may want to call home frequently. Many
children actually act out at school on purpose to be sent home.
Worry about school during breaks or on weekends.
Frequently becoming angry or having tantrums about going to school or
doing homework.
"Fighting" with morning routines to the point of disrupting others’
schedules.
School absences due to school refusal can lead to a range of consequences,
including missed opportunities for skill development and learning, early school
withdrawal, difficulties in friendships. Dropping out can also contribute to
mental health problems, family conflict, and stress.
II. ANXIETY IN CHILDREN
Refusal to go to school and participate in learning activities usually has three
main causes that we often see in schools: (1) Social environment: friends,
teachers; (2) Learning abilities: average academic performance, certain
disorders causing learning difficulties such as dyslexia, autism, or ADHD; (3)
Mental health: low self-esteem, anxiety, or depression in children.
However, reluctance or refusal to go to school is a way a child may use to
“tell” us about their anxiety regarding school. The objections in the morning
and school absences are just the tip of the iceberg, and to support children
who are struggling with attending school, it is important to look at the deeper
issues occurring in their minds.
02
[Link] is anxiety
Anxiety is a big issue. Sometimes it is separation anxiety. Children may be
afraid to be away from their parents or worry about what will happen during
the day when they are not there. They may fear something will happen to their
parents. Sometimes, anxiety stems from not knowing what will happen next at
school, especially during times of the year when the schedule changes.
Often, this anxiety is related to children having difficulty in a particular area.
For example, a child may not want to go to school because they know there
will be a reading lesson, and reading is very difficult for them. Or they might
not like math and feel uncomfortable in math class. Sometimes, the issue lies in
friendships or the feeling of loneliness when friend groups change. These
factors make it difficult for the child to attend school. When children don't feel
good about themselves, when they feel like there's something at school they
can't face, that's when they often refuse to go to school. Clearly, children
cannot learn effectively if they are anxious all day. When a child’s brain is too
busy dealing with anxiety, they won't have the ability to focus on learning.
Typically, these feelings of anxiety will gradually lessen as children become
familiar with routines, friends, teachers, or when they are helped at the right
time with activities that may be overwhelming for them. However, if after
efforts from teachers and parents to help the child feel safe and supported
are not effective, and the anxiety continues, then we need to consider
disorders that may require professional intervention.
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[Link] between normal anxiety and anxiety disorder.
2.1. Definition
Normal Anxiety Anxiety Disorder
A temporary and predictable Children spend most of their day
reaction to a stressful situation. It living in anxiety. These feelings of
does not occur frequently and is stress last for a long period and
appropriate to the circumstances. are disproportionate to the actual
This feeling will pass and does not situation. They also interfere with
affect other aspects of life. daily activities.
Examples: With an anxiety issue, feelings of
A child may feel worry when worry can sometimes arise
returning to school after a long suddenly without any specific event
break. or situation triggering them.
A child may feel anxious when Example:
taking a test in a subject they While studying, a child leaves their
struggle with, or when attending seat to look for their teddy bear
a party where they don’t know because they are worried that
anyone. someone might take it. Even
though the child didn't bring the
bear to class.
Normal anxiety, if not reassured when
needed, can reach a certain level and
become overwhelming, turning into a more
serious anxiety problem.
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2.2. Recognition
Normal Anxiety Anxiety Disorder
Children often worry about specific Children with generalized anxiety
things. disorder often worry about many
They may ask questions like “What distant things—school, sports
if...?” such as “What if I fail the activities, events far in the future,
math test? Will I have to retake the current issues like war or school
class?” or “What if no one talks to violence, and even what others
me at the party or I say something think of them.
silly?” These intense feelings of anxiety
However, these bouts of anxiety can become irritable without clear
usually only occur when there is a reasons. Physical symptoms can
situation that might trigger worry. include headaches, stomachaches,
They typically pass quickly, either restlessness, difficulty sleeping,
naturally or with a little and nightmares.
reassurance. Children with social anxiety
disorder may fear meeting new
people. They might avoid doing
certain things or shy away from
interacting with others due to fear
of being judged.
Children with separation anxiety
disorder often become very
stressed when having to be away
from home or separated from their
parents or caregivers. They may
cling to their parents, refuse to
sleep alone.
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2.3. How the school can support
Normal Anxiety Anxiety Disorder
It is important for teachers to be Give advance notice of upcoming
sensitive to children's differences changes or transitions
and avoid creating situations that Arrange seating in a position
cause stress. where the child feels most
For example, if a child struggles comfortable
with reading and feels anxious Allow extra time for tests
about reading aloud in front of the Permit taking tests in a quiet,
class, the teacher may agree not to separate environment
require the child to read aloud. In Assign a lunch buddy to help the
some cases, this can even become child feel safer
an official support measure. Prioritize grouping the child during
Support at school can help children field trips so they can go with a
feel more successful and reduce teacher or familiar adults
anxiety. The school can also Designate an adult at school that
identify adults who can provide the child can turn to when feeling
emotional support for children anxious
when they feel anxious.
III. INTERVENTION STRATEGIES
[Link] to avoid
Raising your voice to threaten or embarrass the student.
Assigning work that is too difficult for the student’s ability.
Sending the student out of the room (because there is nothing else left
to refuse).
Requiring the student to do something immediately, creating a
stressful situation.
Threatening to give a bad grade.
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2. Support from a companion
Establish a strong connection with parents
Sometimes, children will "blame" the teacher when they don’t want to go
to school. These are crucial moments when parents need to rely on their
knowledge and trust in their child's teacher. If parents do not trust the
teacher, it will be difficult to reassure the child. Make sure both the child
and parents know that the child will be safe both at home and at school,
and parents should also show the child that they trust the school is a very
safe place.
Here are some things teachers can guide parents to do when children
experience regular anxiety:
Listen seriously to your child’s fears, but also show trust in your child’s
ability to face and overcome them.
Remind your child of times when they have succeeded in the past and
strategies that helped them cope with similar situations.
Try to avoid inadvertently "rewarding" your child’s anxiety. For
example, do not let them skip school or cancel practice.
Children refusing to go to school will often have physical symptoms
such as headaches and stomachaches. It is important to take these
symptoms seriously, so take your child to see a pediatrician to check
for any physical issues. Families need to be sure that the child doesn’t
need medical treatment before considering any disorders.
A helpful tip to reduce anxiety about going to school is to distract your
child in the morning. You can do this by singing their favorite songs
and preparing a snack on the way to school. When your child is not
solely focused on school-related worries, they will be calmer and feel
better.
Parents should also keep an emotional journal each night before bed.
This helps your child summarize and express their feelings throughout
the day at school. It also helps parents better understand their child’s
challenges and how they can provide support.
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3. Changes in classroom
Refusal to go to school also means that children miss out on lessons.
When children fall behind in lessons or assignments, this can cause
additional stress for them. When a child has a mindset of refusing to go to
school, they may show behaviors that reflect a lack of attention during
lessons or find it difficult to participate in tasks or group activities. In such
cases, trying some classroom arrangement strategies with that child is
necessary to help them engage in class activities.
Students need teachers to give specific instructions.
When teachers give general instructions, such as “I need you to pay
attention,” it is not clear enough. The student may not understand what
you want and how they need to adjust their behavior. It will be more
difficult for students to respond to your guidance if they do not know
exactly what you expect them to do.
If you are having trouble with a student refusing to participate, try giving
very clear action steps, such as: "I need you to close that book. Put it in
your desk. Look at the board and follow along."
Arrange assignments according to ability.
If a child faces lessons that are too difficult every day, this will cause
stress and reduce their energy and focus on learning. Work with parents
to reduce assignment demands until the child feels confident and can
complete tasks, then build skills from there. Not all children can learn at
the same pace. Adjusting assignments according to each child’s ability is
necessary.
Break the school day into smaller parts.
Many children have difficulty focusing for the entire day. However,
children can try to complete tasks well for 5, 10, or 15 minutes. If you have
a particularly difficult child, identify the amount of time they can manage
their behavior, and start from there. If it is 3 minutes, set a timer for 3
minutes, praise their good behavior afterward, and see if they can handle
4 minutes. Keep extending the time and help the child build endurance for
longer periods.
08
Supporting a child who refuses to go to school is not a process that can
be completed in a short period of time. It requires continuous and
persistent involvement from teachers, parents, and medical or counseling
professionals over an extended period. Children experiencing this issue
are often not simply reluctant to go to school; it could be a sign of deep-
seated anxiety or unresolved psychological issues. Therefore, the
intervention process needs to be carried out in a coordinated and long-
term manner, helping the child gradually overcome negative emotions
and rebuild confidence in facing the school environment.
Teachers need to maintain a positive and safe learning environment
where children feel understood and supported. However, the involvement
of parents is extremely important because they are the ones who know
their child's emotions and behaviors best, helping to monitor and
implement small but consistent changes in the child's daily life.
Additionally, medical or counseling professionals need to provide
psychological intervention strategies, behavioral adjustments, and regular
assessments to ensure that the child is making progress and that there
are no underlying mental health issues. The smooth coordination between
teachers, parents, and specialists over a long period will create a solid
support network, helping the child not only return to school but also
develop well psychologically and socially.
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REFERENCES
Education, T. (2019, July 1). What to do When a Student Refuses to Work.
TeamTom Education. [Link]
refuses-to-work/
Smout, A., Melvin, G., & Yap, M. (2025, January 22). How to help a child who
can’t face school. Psyche. [Link]
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BYJOpWNjD8HP02OjbI-fkHxWj0dut8BoCXnUQAvD_BwE
Kelly, K. (2024, November 12). The difference between typical anxiety and an
anxiety problem. Understood.
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Minds, O. I. F. (2024, May 21). For educators: What to do when a child refuses to
engage | CCGC. Clarity Child Guidance Center. [Link]
educators-what-to-do-when-a-child-refuses-to-engage/
Not a joiner: What to do when your kid won’t participate in group activities -
today’s parent. (n.d.). [Link]
activities-and-social-skills-for-kids/
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Responsible for editing
School Counseling Department, C1-13, 2nd Floor,
Complied by
CV. Nguyễn Thị Minh Thư
Reviewed by
ThS. Nguyễn Hoàng Chiêu Anh
Sao Khue Kindergarten-Primary-Secondary School
Address: 9A Dong Khoi Street, Bien Hoa Ward, Dong Nai 810000
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