Cry it Out

a new play
about new parents

by
Molly Smith Metzler

Actors Theatre of Louisville

production draft
3/12/17

Molly Smith Metzler c/o Derek Zasky

William Morris Endeavor Entertainment
DZasky@[Link]
(212) 903- 1396
 Cry it Out
____________________

CHARACTERS
[3f, 1m]

Jessie
(mid 30s)
Married to a North Shore native; recently relocated to Port (from Manhattan) to raise her family.
Educated, articulate, lovely, warm. From the Midwest and has that Midwestern ready-smile. Beloved by
every teacher she's ever had. Always gives the perfect toast; always organizes the group gift. But in
private, Jessie bends towards anxiety. She doesn't like empty days on calendars, or being alone. Works
90 hour weeks in the city as a corporate lawyer -- or did, until Allie was born. Now she's in yoga pants.

Lina
(late 20s/ early 30s)
From Long Beach (on South Shore of Long Island) and you can tell immediately -- she is very South
Shore. Acrylic nails, big hoops, velour track suits, Mets trucker hats -- and a huge Italian family. Lina
failed out of community college, curses too much, and blasts Kanye too loudly in the car. But she is
also fantastically winning. She's fun, funny and refreshingly genuine. Works at St. Francis Hospital.

Mitchell
(late 30s/early 40s or slightly older)
Adrienne's husband, works in investment capital. A math nerd who is amazing with numbers, but not
people. Serious, shrewd, sensitive. The kid who ate lunch in the library because he was so shy.
Mitchell grew up in a tough house in a tough part of Utica and scholar-shipped his way to where he is
now, so grades, status, and success are his currency. But becoming a father has changed him. He
makes goofy faces now. He stares out windows during meetings. His sentences end in question marks.

Adrienne
(mid/late 30s)
Mitchell's wife. Elegant, powerful, aloof, and slightly rock n roll. Has eyes that are cat-like and
assessing. The kind of woman you see climbing out of a dark sedan at JFK who you just know is going
somewhere cool. Adrienne grew up on Central Park West, attended posh boarding schools, studied art
abroad, and could give you the best-ever guided tour of MoMA. She has never signed an e-mail with
an x or an o, but she is loyal and ferocious in both business and life. A successful jewelry designer.
 PLACE

We are in suburban Long Island, in the city of Port Washington.

Port Washington is an affluent, sleepy city with excellent public schools. Commuters are at Penn
Station in just 35 minutes on the LIRR, so it's a very popular destination for New Yorkers who have
families and want to rent/buy bigger homes.

Port Washington is comprised of many small villages.

This play takes place in the village of Manorhaven, which is directly on the ocean, heavily
populated, and, depending on the block, either middle-class or quite rundown.

This block is somewhere in between.

The streets of Manorhaven are crammed with two-family duplexes, some brand new and flashy, some
old and decrepit. The new ones mostly have Manhattan-transplants living in them; the decrepit ones
mostly have "Lifers" living in them -- people who have been renting for generations (sometimes under
Section 8 housing codes.) Accordingly, there's a lot of socioeconomic diversity here.

Manorhaven also abuts one of the wealthiest neighborhoods in the whole country, Sands Point, which
is up on a cliff literally looking down over Manorhaven. A bunch of NY Yankees have houses up
there, and it's the model for West Egg in The Great Gatsby. Just crazy huge wealth.

Interestingly, the same school bus takes the Manorhaven kids and the Sands Points kids to the same
excellent public school in September.

SET

This play takes place in Jessie's backyard in Manorhaven.

It's been a long, horrible winter. There's no grass, no landscaping, nothing to sit on.

We could see a fence, or the back of Jessie's house, or the side of a neighbor's house.... but really,
there's no set for this play. Just a patch of dead, sludgy earth where two yards meet.

TIME
Almost spring, but not yet. This year.
1.

Jessie's yard. It's been raining. Puddles. Sludge. A wet,

newly assembled plastic play set sits off to the side,
waiting patiently for spring.

First, we just hear two voices. Then Lina & Jessie enter
from their respective homes, baby monitors in hand.
Jessie has two mugs of steaming coffee.

Lina
OH MY GOD THIS WAS SUCH A GREAT IDEA!!!!!

Jessie
SHHHH!--- sorry--- / the window--

Lina
Oh shit I’m sorry--
(pointing to the window)
Where is she-- right up there?

Jessie
On the second floor yeah, so--

Lina
So I need to shut my big mouth is what you’re saying! Sorry.
(whispers)
Oh my god, hiiiiiii.

Jessie
(whispers)
Hi!
(worried)
I didn’t interrupt you, did I?

Lina
Are you kidding?! I leapt for joy when I got your text. I was talking to my breast-pump in
there. Like he’s Wilson in Castaway.

Jessie
I know, me too.
(handing Lina her coffee)
Here. Two sugars, one milk, right? --

Lina
Fuck yes.
 2.

Jessie
(re: Lina’s video monitor)
So what do you think? Can your monitor stretch up here to my patio?

Lina
I don’t know, let’s see.....

Lina starts advancing towards Jessie’s house, eyeing her

baby video monitor. She moves slowly across the yard:

Lina
OK I can see the baby...
(beat)
still see him......
(beat)
Still see him................................nope-- can’t go past here.

Jessie
Ok-- let’s go to your yard --

Lina
No, there’s tons of dog shit back there.

Jessie
(pulling monitor out of her pocket)
Don’t be silly -- let’s see how far mine can stretch.....
It’s supposed to go 65 feet...
(then)
...........no, I lose my signal here.

Lina
Alright then, x marks the spot. We can just stand here awkwardly??

Jessie
I’m sorry we don’t have patio furniture -- we haven’t gotten around to it yet.
(noticing)
What if I dragged that play set over? We could sit on that--

Lina
Great idea-- here, gimme your coffee.

Jessie dumps the rain out of the play set and starts
dragging it into monitor range.

Lina
Oh my God, this is great coffee. You are an amazing coffee maker and I could make love to
you with my mouth right now.
 3.

Jessie
...Thank you.
(play set in place)
Yay! Cheers!

Lina
To Napping Babies.

Jessie
May they NAP LONG AND PROSPER!
(beat)
Sorry, that was a weird thing to say; I got like twenty minutes of sleep last night.

Lina
Puh-lease, gurl. I was right there with you.

They both take a seat on the play set; one on the slide,
one on top. Two adult women on a tiny play set.

Lina
This play set rocks. How do you already have an assembled play set?! You have a 12 week
old.

Jessie
Oh my husband. Nate. Assembling things gives him a sense of purpose. You should see
our nursery. He installed every single baby-safety gadget on the market, to the point that: I
kid you not, Lina-- I cannot access the room. It’s like, boobie-trapped with baby lasers.

Lina
Well, better that than a guy who doesn’t do jack, right? I mean, John is pretty good: he
does the middle of the night diaper change. But a lot of my friends back home are with
such dbags.

Jessie
Where’s home?

Lina
South Shore. Long Beach. You been?

Jessie
I think so.....there’s a boardwalk, right?

Lina
Right. And all those loud people eating cotton candy on the boardwalk? I’m related to every
single one of them. Try it: call out the name Bustamante -- every head turns.
(beat)
What about you? Where are you from?
 4.

Jessie
...Outside Chicago.

Lina
Oh shit, tell me you’re not a Cubs fan.

Jessie
What?

Lina
Cubs. You a Cubs fan?

Jessie
Is that baseball?

Lina
Okay, we can be friends.

Jessie
Oh, good. Because I really want to be friends, Lina.
(beat)
Sorry.
(beat)
I... shouldn’t have said that out loud. Now you must think I’m desperate or crazy or
something.

Lina
No.

Jessie
But I have just had the hardest time meeting other moms out here. And you’re so cooped up
in your house all day with the baby-- all these hours when babies are sleeping and husbands
are working. Where are all the moms??

Lina
This is North Shore, honey. Nanny Central. The Moms are at SoulCycle or getting raindrop
facials at Bliss.
(beat)
Speaking of... my ass is extremely wet right now. Is your ass wet?

Jessie
(laughs)
Yes. I’ll go get us a towel--

Lina
No no no - I was just checking you were wet, too. After being pregnant, I honestly can’t tell
when I’ve peed myself. That’s just my life now.
 5.

Jessie
That is so true. Disgusting and very very true.

Beat. They smile at each other. This is going *well.*

Jessie
So you didn’t think I was a freak, coming up to you in Stop n’ Shop yesterday?

Lina
Are you kidding?! I was a pig in shit. I’d seen you around the nabe too-- but it’s not like you
can run out into the snow to say hi when you have a baby on your boob.

Jessie
Which is why I hurdle-jumped over the cantaloupe to introduce myself.

Lina
Well, I’m real glad you did.

Jessie
Me, too.
(beat)
Truly, it’s impossible. Meeting people in Port. And Nate doesn’t get home until almost 8
most nights, and I don’t like driving with the baby in the car unless the conditions are
perfect....so it’s a lot of me and her alone in Room.
(beat)
Do you know that novel, Room? It won the Booker Prize?
(off her blank expression)
Anyway, it’s a beautiful story about a woman who’s held captive for years in a gardening
shed with her child.

Lina
Oh, Room. The movie!

Jessie
Exactly. And I keep telling my Mom: that’s what this is. It’s Room. It’s winter in Long
Island, and I’m home with a newborn, and it’s Room. I’m in Room.

Lina
That’s why I thank God everyday for Stop n’ Shop. Sometimes it’s the only time I get out in
a 48 hour period, I / swear to God.

Jessie
I know! Me too!

Lina
And you’d think I’m going to the prom-- I do like full face makeup, shave my legs.
 6.

And usually I don’t even need anything. I’ll just go stand in the vitamin aisle being like:
oooooo vitamins.

Jessie
I know - me too, with shampoo and conditioner.
(beat)
Oh! You’ll appreciate this......guess what my husband did the other day?
He went to Stop n’ Shop on his way home from the train.

Lina
No.

Jessie
Without checking with me. Just “thought he’d be nice” and stop for diapers and milk. And
he took his time, too, Lina. Like checked the ingredients of stuff.

Lina
That son of a bitch. Did you go ape shit?

Jessie
I did. Honestly, I think I was pretty scary. He came in with the bags and I went down to my
knees sobbing-- just a puddle on the floor. And poor Nate is standing there staring at me,
saying You Usually Like It When I Get Groceries Jess, What’s Wrong?? and I’m like YOU
ARE IN THE CITY ALL DAY, YOU DON’T GET STOP N’ SHOP!!!! I GET STOP N’
SHOP!!! I GET TO GO TO STOP N’ SHOP YOU MOTHERFUCKER!!

Lina
Shhhhh, your baby.

Jessie
Sorry.
(beat)
I didn’t call him a motherfucker, by the way. I don’t curse in real life. But I wanted to is my
point.

Lina
Of course you did.

Jessie
They don’t get it.

Lina
Of course they don’t. They get to go interact with humans all day and go to Hale & Hearty
for lunch and eat chopped salads made by someone whose job it is to chop salad. I mean.
What would you do for a fucking chopped salad right now??
 7.

Jessie
I would murder someone.

Lina
I know you would. But we don’t get chopped salad anymore.

Jessie
Nope.

Lina
Because we’re held hostage all day in dirty yoga pants by little larval creatures who would
literally die if we checked our e-mail or took a leisurely dump.

Jessie
Though my girlfriends who don’t have kids don’t get it, either. A couple of them came out
to meet the baby a few weeks ago, and it was like Aliens got off the train.

Lina
Really?

Jessie
They showed up at 8:45 PM. To meet a baby. And they brought stuff to make cosmos and
asked questions like, “So are you sooooo eager to get back to work?”

Lina
Bitches.

Jessie
Yeah. I don’t think I like my city friends anymore. I don’t really like anyone anymore.

Max makes a peep and they both *jump* to check their

monitors. He squawks for a second, moans, then quiets.

Jessie
Wow- you’ve got a good sleeper there, huh. That he self-soothes.

Lina
Yeah. We’ve got napping down. But once the sun goes down?
(re: boobs)
He just wants to hit the buffet.

Jessie
Oh I know, us too. We’re up every three hours still.
(carefully, as this is a touchy question)
Does Max sleep in a crib, or?

Lina
No, Max sleeps between my tits.
 8.

Jessie
Oh, that must be so nice. I really wanted to co-sleep, but Nate’s six-foot-two, so. He couldn’t
relax with her in the bed.
(another touchy question)
Are you planning to sleep-train Max?

Lina
Is that the thing when you let them Cry it Out?

Jessie
Yes.

Lina
No. I am not doing that shit.
(beat)
Why, are you?

Jessie
(yes)
..... we might. I mean. I don’t know yet. We’re still discussing.

Lina
Well, you do you, girl. No judgment here. I’m just not into Cry it Out, myself.

Beat.

Jessie
Why not? I mean. May I ask?

Lina
Sure. Because I don’t hate babies.
(Jessie laughs)
Well, I’m sorry but that’s what sleep-training is: it’s barbaric. You put your baby down in a
dark crib and let them scream and scream until they learn no one’s coming for them? I mean, are we
Vikings? Are we gonna put fucking Viking hats on and club them, too?

Jessie
Wow, you have strong / feelings about--

Lina
I think you’re supposed to cry when you’re all alone in a dark room. That’s what I think.
And I think your mom or dad - or someone who loves you - is supposed to come help you.

Jessie
I know. You’re right, you are right.
(but:)
I just wish our doctor said that.
 9.

Lina
Is your doctor a woman or man?

Jessie
Man.

Lina
Then he needs to shut his fucking mouth. This is our rodeo. The vaginas are in charge now,
and we vaginas know what to do.

Jessie
....yeah we do.

But Jessie’s not convinced. She listens to doctors. And

Nate. And finds vagina talk a little scandalous.

Jessie
So is Max a “Max” or a “Maximus”?

Lina
Max. Max Giuseppe Vanera. Though Boom Boom Pow is what I call him. For some
reason.

Jessie
Oh. Max Vanera.
(true)
I really like that.

Lina
You do? Oh good. My mother said it sounded like a rare STD. As in, “We’re sorry, sir, very
sorry, but you have an advanced stage of Maxvanera in your janky penis.”

Jessie laughs.

Lina
She’s a beast. My mother. You’ll meet her. And you’ll agree: she is a beast. She was my
“live-in nurse” after the birth and I think I’m fine, never seeing her again.
(Jessie laughs)
What about you -- Allison?

Jessie
Jensen-Gelb. Allison Catherine Jensen-Gelb. Hyphenated. Nate’s Jensen; I’m Gelb.

Lina
(hates it)
Oh. Very nice. Lots of sounds.
 10.

Jessie
Yeah, I like it, too. Not that I can take any credit. Nate named her all by himself.

Lina
Where were you? Barbados?

Jessie
No, I uh... wasn’t cogent. At the time.

Lina
You weren’t cogent?

Jessie
No. I uh...
(still hard to talk about)
...I actually had a crash c-section? A “splash and slash” they call it.
It’s when it’s such an emergency you’re not even prepped for surgery; they just Splash you
with iodine and Slash you until they get the baby out. I was completely under. General
anesthesia.

Lina
Jesus. What happened?

Jessie
Uh I’m still not sure, honestly? I think the umbilical cord was cutting off her oxygen and
her heart stopped completely? I don’t know. All I know is one minute Nate and I were
doing our ice chips, the next minute people were screaming Code Blue.

Lina
Fuck.

Jessie
Nate’s face. That’s what I remember. The crash team was pulling my gurney down the hall
and Nate was getting farther and farther away, at the other end of the hall ... and then I saw
him just go boneless with fear, you know? Down on the floor.
(beat)
But! Allison was totally and completely fine the moment they resuscitated her.

Lina
Well thank God. Those stories go the other way sometimes. I work in a hospital, I hear
things. Birthdays are the worst days for a lot of people.

Jessie
I know. We are very lucky.

Lina’s monitor chirps again, and she dives for it.

 11.

Lina
Oh shit, he lost his binky...

Lina stands and watches in suspense; she might have to

bolt. Beat. Finally, Max finds his binky and falls silent.

Lina
Phew. False alarm.
(beat)
So you guys were in the city. Before here?

Jessie
Yeah. A charming one bed on 63rd and Lex. I loved it, but it wasn’t practical for a baby.
There wasn’t a washer-dryer, and it was a fourth floor walk-up / which--

Lina
Aw hell no.

Jessie
Exactly. So we thought....well? 35 minutes to Penn Station? And we can live right on the
ocean?-- let’s give Long Island a try.

Lina
I heard there was a crazy bidding war over your place.

Jessie
I know, who would’ve thought. A little two-family duplex. But we basically had to make a
cash offer in the driveway and go 10% over the ask.
(beat)
Nate said it was a good investment property-- we can rent both sides out, down the line.

Lina
He’s absolutely right. The rental market out here is insane, especially for the newer models
like yours. It’s because we’re so close to Sands Point. Have you driven around up there?
(pointing up) Those houses start at 10 mill. And our kids get to go to the same excellent
public school those entitled shits do.

Jessie
Yeah, I know.
(carefully)
...Nate’s parents live out here. Not in Sands Point. They aren’t that rich. But: Plandome?

Lina
Your in-laws live in Plandome? Where?

Jessie
Plandome Road?
 12.

Lina
You go to dinner at a house on Plandome Road.

Jessie
I do. Long and stressful and horrible dinners, but yes.

Lina
What number?

Jessie
1251?

Lina
With the lion statue??

Jessie
No that’s next door. 1251 is a bit more modest-- up on the hill with the white brick?

Lina
Oh yeah, okay. That’s super “modest.”

Jessie
I think it’s a little over the top, too. But Ken’s worked his ass off in investment banking for
the last forty years, so who am I to call it tacky. (Even though I do think it’s tacky. I think
it’s very very tacky.)

Lina
So wait-- did your husband grow up here? In Port?

Jessie
Yeah. In that house.

Lina
So he went to Schrieber?

Jessie
Yeah, class of 94.

Lina
Oh my God you have to ask him if he knows John Vanera! John went there too. He’s a
little younger, class of 97, I think.

Jessie
Oh, how wild! They must know each other!

Lina
Did Nate play sports?
 13.

Jessie
Tennis.

Lina
Maybe they know each other from lunch?

Jessie
They must! Oh how funny! Our husbands totally broke bread!

Lina
So funny. But John’s not my husband. Just. FYI.

Jessie
....I’m sorry. / Oh, God --

Lina
Don’t be. I mean we’ll probably get married. Or not. Let’s get out of his mother’s house first--
then we can talk.

Jessie
(pointing to her place)
Oh. That’s? You’re living with?--

Lina
Yolanda Vanera. Yes. Not that she owns it; she rents. For 37 years now, just been paying
someone else’s mortgage-- and now we get the privilege of doing the same. But she’s only
charging us six hundred a month so we’re saving up a lot for our own place, which I’m
really grateful for. But it’s hard, living with another woman, you know? Sometimes she says
stuff like Lina, you look sooo tired chica, give me that baby and go take a nap. And I’m like BACK
THE FUCK OFFA ME, GRANDMA, BEFORE SHIT GETS REAL RIGHT NOW.

Jessie
Shhh.

Lina
(diarrhea of mouth)
Sorry. And Also? She’s cheap. (I’m sorry-- now you’ve opened the floodgates, I’m going to
just let it rip!)-- she’s so cheap. If she’s cooking us dinner, she’ll make exactly three chicken
cutlets. Like little tiny chicken cutlets. And I’m breastfeeding you know? I’m STARVING. I
want 19 chicken cutlets. And if I ask for more, she gives me a look, like Oh, You Want
More? You’re that Kind Of Woman?

Jessie
I think you deserve more chicken.

Lina
I do! And I’m sorry but she also drinks a whole box of wine every two days.
 14.

And she’s supposed to be sober-- she pretends to go to meetings, but we know she doesn’t--
and it’s the big box she’s drinking, too- the Peter Vella White Zin? She doesn’t do it in front
of us, which is respectful-- me and John are sober; six years for him, four years for me--
well, eight years for me, but I kept up cocaine in secret for four years, but four years of
complete sobriety for me now. Sorry is this TMI?

Jessie
(a little...)
No. No, good for you. That you kicked it.

Lina
You don’t kick it. All you do is come to accept that you want it and choose to want
something else more.

Jessie
....huh. Yeah.

Lina
But anyway, me and John cannot figure out what she does with the wine boxes. There’s no
evidence! The box is not in the trash, not in the recycling; it’s like she incinerates them.

Jessie
The case of the Missing Wine Box.

Lina
Exactly but like I said, she’s helping us out a lot letting us stay here. And she’s changing her
schedule at Bed Bath and Beyond so she can be home with Max when I go back to work,
which is great because the prices these babysitters are quoting me?--

Jessie
(slight alarm)
Wait, you’re going back to work? When?

Lina
Uh.... 24 days from today.

Jessie
Oh God, that’s so soon.

Lina
I know. I can’t talk about it, I’ll start crying. And I put my good mascara on so you’d think
I was pretty, so. I’m not doing it.

Beat.

Jessie
(carefully)
.... do you have to go back? I mean. Is it an option not to?
 15.

Lina
I love him, but John doesn’t make squat. He works at a halfway house in Queens-- which is
God’s work, it is-- and when I met him he was working in a pizza place in Merrick and this
is way better for him -- making the world a better place -- and you can’t put a price-tag on
that shit. Except you can actually and it’s zero. After taxes, about zero. Plus I have some
credit problems from back when I was high and defaulted on stuff so unless I want to raise
Max in Yolanda’s House of Denial and Shame, I need to buck up in 24 days, yes I do.
(beat)
What about you? When you going back?

Jessie
I....don’t think I’m going back. I mean, I’m supposed to. On May 15th. And I took my
suits to the dry cleaners and reserved a spot for Allie at North Shore, but --

Lina
(very expensive and excellent)
Whoa. You got into North Shore Day?

Jessie
My mother-in-law knew someone who knew someone. And paid for it.

Lina
Damn.

Jessie
I know. We’re very lucky.
(beat)
But anyway I hope she doesn’t go there because as I was saying, ever since we almost lost
Allie, I kind of... don’t care about protecting the legal interests of a bunch of corporations
anymore.
(beat)
Not that I’ve figured out how to tell Nate all this.
He’s a planner-- his business brain, I think-- and he has us on a ten year plan that depends
on us being double-income. He comes from a home where his mother didn’t really raise the
four children-- there was a Baby Nurse, then there was a Nanny, then there was a Family
Assistant, so he’s not going to understand, why I would want to do it myself.
(beat)
He actually... he actually tried to take me to Tulum Mexico a few weeks ago. He came in
all gallant, with a lingerie box, saying Pack Your Bags Baby, it’s time for us to Get Back to
Our Marriage. And he looked at me like I had two heads when I said there is no way I’m
leaving this baby. But that’s what he knows. His father did that for his Mom after each baby--
a month in Provence while the baby nurse settled things. So he doesn’t understand.
(beat)
It’s just been hard though. He told me this morning he misses me. But not in the I don’t see
you, I miss you so much way-- in that other way. The way that’s kind of an insult, you know?
The “I miss you because you’ve changed-- I miss the old you” way. And I just wanted to punch
him in his face and say I haven’t changed, THIS IS ME!
 16.

THIS IS ME, THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN ME, THIS WILL ALWAYS BE ME-- AND
YOU CAN’T TAKE ME TO TULUM MEXICO! I DON’T WANT TO GO HAVE
SEX IN TULUM MEXICO WHEN WE ALMOST LOST OUR BABY, YOU
MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!
(beat)
(upset)
Sorry. My doctor thinks I should go on antidepressants. I don’t mean to be like this....

Lina
It’s okay. We all cry sometimes.
(tenderly)
I don’t have a tissue. You want a breast pad? I’ve got two moist ones right here.

Jessie laughs. Loves her new friend.

Jessie
Lina, can I ask you something?

Lina
Sure.

Jessie
Do you think I’m doing a good job?

Lina
What do you mean?

Jessie
With Allie. I mean... I don’t have anyone else to ask. And you saw me in Stop n’ Shop with
her.... do you think I’m....good with her?

Lina
Yes. Absolutely.

Jessie
You do?
(tearfully)
You think she seems happy and okay?

Lina
Yes. I think she seems a-mazing. She was alert, and smiley, looking all around.

Jessie
Yeah?

Lina
Definitely. And look at you: you have jeans on right now! Girl you are Killing This.
 17.

Jessie
THEY’RE MATERNITY JEANS THEY’RE NOT REAL JEANS.

Lina
But it’s denim. It’s real denim-- look at this: I’m in jeggings, here, ok? These are leggins
made to look like jeans. You are Dead Sexy right now.

Jessie
No.

Lina
Allie is lucky. I could see that immediately in the grocery store. That’s a lucky little girl.

Jessie
(reaching in for a hug)
Can I? I’m sorry-- I just, I really need to do this...

She hugs her tight.

Lina
Of course you can. What are friends for.

Lights.
 18.

2.

Lights up on the yard. Three weeks later.

A little wrought iron patio table and three chairs are

where the play set was. There might be a little potted
plant of something springy on the table, too.

Lina enters with her monitor, waves up towards the

house. A moment later Jessie enters, monitor in hand,
with their coffees.

Lina
Oh my God, you’re not going to believe what I did this morning.

Jessie
What.

Lina
OK, so-- I was nursing Max-- as per usge-- and the FedEx guy rang our bell, right? And it
scared the shit out of me and I went running to answer the door, and Jessie? My tit was still
out. I had a whole conversation with him, too, about like... the weather... and did I need to
sign this thing or that thing? And the whole time my Tit was Out.

Jessie
(laughing)
No.

Lina
Who am I, that I don’t even know my Tit is out???

Jessie
I think your house just became the most popular one on the FedEx delivery list.

Lina
I know. Seriously. This is all getting serious now. I need supervision I think.
(beat)
Anyway-- how was your weekend? You guys were on the go, huh?

Jessie
Yes-- sorry we couldn’t make it over Saturday. It was so nice of you to invite us.

Lina
Eh, it was probably for the best. The Mets won, so everyone got polluted drunk, and then
my sister and her step-son came over with his new girlfriend J’Mae. (Not Jamie, J’Mae).
 19.

And of course J’Mae is a stripper and broke the glass coffee table with her big stripper foot,
so I gotta vacuum shards of glass out of Yolanda’s carpet until 3AM.

Jessie
Oh man.

Lina
YUP.

Jessie
Still. We were touched you invited us. I wanted Nate and John to meet at last! I know he’ll
recognize him when he sees him in the flesh.

Lina
Hey, people forget people. Just cuz John remembers him vividly from high school doesn’t
mean Nate has to remember him. / It’s no biggie.

Jessie
Ugh, / so embarrassing.

Lina
I’m kidding. So what’s in Montauk, anyway? Little cold for a beach weekend.

Jessie
Oh, Lina.
(beat)
It was such a terrible weekend.

Lina
Why?

Jessie
Just. Nate.

Lina
Oh shit. Did you tell him you’re not going back to work?

Jessie
No. I haven’t done that yet.
(beat)
This was just... ugh, it was so annoying is what it was. He comes in Saturday morning when
I’m getting dressed and says we have to go to Montauk for the day. And I’m like No. Allie’s
just getting over a cold, what are you talking about? And he says that his parents called and said we
need to drop everything and come out to their place for the day (they have a beach house in
Montauk). And again I was like No, I’m not moving the baby today, she’s still getting better. And he
starts saying how his parents are getting older now, and they do so much for us / and can’t we do
this one little thing--
 20.

Lina
Oh God, come on, man.

Jessie
So we pack the car up, get the sick baby in it, and drive all the way out there, and guess
why, Lina. Guess why Judy and Ken summoned us.
(beat)
Because the cottage next door to theirs went on the market.
And a team of people were waiting for us. A broker. An inspector. An architect.

Lina
No. No no no no no. What’d you say?

Jessie
I said Nate, we need to speak about this privately, at home. We need to look at our finances
- (and potential changes to our household income) - before we meet with any of these people. And
then I got back in the car, in front of everyone.

Lina
YES. Good for you!

Jessie
No, because I really embarrassed him? I guess? He was hurt, and didn’t talk the whole way
home. And he apparently loves that cottage? Which he’s never mentioned before but all of a
sudden it’s his lifelong dream, to own the cottage next to his parents’??

Lina
Oh Fuck. Come on, dude.

Jessie
Yeah. It was hard.

Lina
You need to tell him you’re not going back to work. Before he buys that shit.

Jessie
I know I do.
(forced bright)
Anyway! At least Allie’s feeling better. That was the silver lining -- the stupid trip gave her 5
extra hours of quality car napping, which, together with the vapor bath, cleared her right
up. Thanks again for the tip!

Lina
Right? The vapor shit works.

Jessie
Oh and you know what else I tried? The NoseFrida! Do you know about this thing?
 21.

Lina
Is that the tube you use to suck the snot out of a baby’s face?

Jessie
Yes! It’s a miracle! Do you have one?

Lina
No. I was going to get one, but then I found out it’s a tube you use to suck snot out of a baby’s
face.

Jessie
Yeah but it’s not like you taste the snot. There’s a filter / that catches the snot before --

Lina
Hard Pass. Passing Hard.

Jessie
Okay but I’m telling you: the first time Max has a serious cold you’ll be texting me at 3am
saying Help! Where can I get a NoseFrida?? And the answer is Whole Foods.

Lina
Whole Foods! The nightmare is complete.

Jessie
(laughing)
Alright Fine. Fine!
(beat)
OK! SO! I have a present for you. I could barely contain myself-- I wanted to bring it over
to you yesterday-- but I made myself wait. Are you ready?

Jessie goes into the house; returns with a wrapped

present. It’s the shape of a record, for a record player.

Jessie
Open it!

Lina
Is it... a record?

Jessie
Nope.

Lina
What is it?

Jessie
Open it.
 22.

Lina unwraps the gift: it’s a flattened-out box. For Peter

Vella White Zinfandel.

Lina
Oh my God....

Jessie
I saw her do it, Lina! With the wine box. I was out running early yesterday morning, and I
saw Yolanda pull into Manorhaven Park, double-park the car, and throw it away in the park
dumpster. She throws the wine boxes away in the park dumpster!

Lina
Oh my God, that is so sad.
(somber)
This is So Crazy Sad......

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Jessie
.... I’m so sorry. I thought you would rejoice and laugh that the mystery’s been solved.

Lina
(not laughing)
No, I am. I’m Laughing. Thank You.
(re: the box)
It’s just potentially the saddest thing I’ve ever seen....and this woman, who does this, is
going to watch my baby next week?

Jessie
...I’m so sorry, Lina. I didn’t mean to upset you...

Beat. Jessie’s eager to fix this:

Jessie
Hey, did you see that article? There was an article! In the Times Saturday, did you see it?
(Linda doesn’t read Times)
All about how good it is for them. Separation from mom at an early age. How there are
huge developmental advantages. How they gain leadership skills! And confidence!

Lina
......it didn’t say that.

Jessie
It did-- the article went into the whole science behind it.
 23.

Max is basically going to be Mark Zuckerberg because you’re going back to work now.
(no giggle)
(no answer)
And you know I’m going to be right over here, right? If Yolanda needs help with Max she
can call me anytime. I want you to give her my number.

Lina
I’m not doing that to you.

Jessie
Doing what to me? I’m just holding a baby all day, watching Food Network. She can call me
anytime.

Lina
....really?

Jessie
Absolutely. I’ll come running right over if / she needs anything at all --

There’s a sound of a car pulling in and parking. Then

the clicking BEEP BEEP of a lock.

Lina
Is that Nate?

Jessie
It can’t be... I don’t know who it could be...

Lina
Maybe FedEx heard I have a friend next door?...

Jessie hands Lina her monitor, and stands, as if to exit,

but Mitchell enters. Dressed sharply for work.

He jangles his keys in his hand, nervously.

Mitchell
I’m sorry, excuse me, ladies, I don’t mean to interrupt... I’m late for work but I... I’m
Mitchell.

Jessie
Can I help you, Mitchell?

Mitchell
I’m your neighbor. Well, sort of, I live up there, in Sands Point-- (pointing up)--we’re that
house, we look down on you. Sorry-- forgive me for barging in on you like this, you must
think I’m crazy. I’m not... I just... turned in here. Why did I turn in here?
 24.

Beat.

Lina
Is there something we can do for you?

Mitchell
I’ve seen you two out walking with your babies and I’ve seen you drinking your coffee
together, and I turned into your driveway, I don’t know why.
(to Jessie)
.....you live here, correct?

Jessie
Yes. Please state your business.

Mitchell
Sorry. I...
(beat)
This was a bad idea. I’m sorry. I’ll go.

He exits.

Lina
(to Jessie)
What the hell was that?

Jessie
I don’t know. I think he was drunk.

Lina
No, that’s not a drunk man. Here, hold my monitor--

Lina hands Jessie the monitor, goes around the side of the
house, to watch him.

Lina
Now he’s just sitting in his car in your driveway.

Jessie
What?

Lina
I can’t tell what he’s doing-- he’s just sitting there in his Cayenne, staring at me.

Jessie
(getting her phone out)
Oh my God, I’m calling Nate.
 25.

Lina
Wait-- he’s coming back-- shhh!-- Now he’s coming back.

Jessie
I’m texting Nate.

Mitchell enters, a surge of confidence.

Mitchell
I’m sorry- that’s not how I wanted to go about this, let me start again.
Hi, I’m Mitchell. Danow. I live on Middle Neck Road. That house up there. I can see you --
from our veranda. I see you out here with your babies, going for walks together, having your
coffee together. You look happy.
And long story short: I wondered if it would be possible for my wife to join you today.
(beat)
We have a baby too, and my wife-- Adrienne-- she’s..... having a hard time.
I think it would do her a lot of good to get out and talk to some moms like you.
(beat)
Would that be okay? If she came down when you do your second coffee meeting at 2:30?

Jessie
....Uh.

Mitchell
I’ll have some food and drinks delivered. Anything, really. I could have anything delivered.
You name it.

Beat. No one knows what to say.

Lina
Look, Mitchell. I’m sure your wife’s a very nice lady, but Jessie and me are neighbors. Our
husbands were friends in high school. So, there’s a real intimacy here. A trust.

Mitchell
Well, we’re your neighbors, too, right? If we weren’t up on the cliff, we’d practically live in
your back yard.
(beat)
Look, we have a telescope-- not for watching you, for bird-watching, but she watches you,
my wife does. She doesn’t think I see her do it, but I do. I know she wants... what you two
have.
(beat)
If I could just call her before I get on the train and tell her she’s been invited to coffee at
2:30, I would really appreciate it. Otherwise I am going to have to call out sick, and truly: I
can’t call out sick again.
(beat)
Please.
 26.

Beat.

Jessie
Well......I guess that would be okay.

Lina
What?

Jessie
Yes, I think that would be fine, Mitchell. Why don’t you tell her to come down at 2:30.

Mitchell
Thank you. I’m sorry, your names are?

Jessie
Jessie. Gelb.

Lina
...Lina.

Mitchell
Jessie and Lina.
(beat)
Thank you so much.
(handing Jessie his card)
Uh-- this is where I can be reached at all times. My cell, my office numbers are here. And
our assistant Elaine’s number-- she’ll be the one who drives Adrienne down.
(carefully)
If it’s not too much to ask, do you think you could text me a confirmation that she came?

Jessie
Okay.

Mitchell
Thank you very much, ladies. Thank you. I’m sorry I have to catch a train. Thank you.

Mitchell exits.

Lina
Oh my God, what’s wrong with you???? You’re gonna let a complete stranger come down
here to your house, where you have a newborn???

Jessie
It’s one cup of coffee. How bad could it be?

Lina
Our organs on ebay. That’s how bad. Our freshly cut organs on ebay.
 27.

Jessie
Oh come on--they live right there. We drink the same bad Nassau County water.

Lina
Yeah but you don’t know these Sands Point bitches, like I do, Jessie. I see them in the
hospital, all crazy and ghoulish after their face-lifts and I’m telling you: she’s gonna show
up here in a Silence of the Lambs van.

Jessie
Would you stop-- I felt sorry for him. Didn’t you feel sorry for that poor man?

Lina
She’s gonna tell us to put the lotion in the basket.

Jessie
He was scared. Didn’t you see that? That was a man who was Scared.
Like Nate, back in the hospital.

Lina
“Put the lotion in the basket!!!”

Jessie
Shut up. I’m being serious now. You really don’t think we should help a neighbor in need?

Lina
No, I don’t. But you’re generally a much nicer person than me, so okay. I will stand by you.
But I’m not bringing Blair Witch in my house. If she has to pee, she’s going in yours.

Monitor sounds; it’s Max. He’s up.

Lina
Shit. OK bye.

Jessie
See you at 2:30 though, right?

Lina
You fucking owe me for this.

Jessie
YAY! THANKS Lina!

Lina exits. Beat. Jessie looks up, to Sands Point. Squints

at the house.

Lights.
 28.

3.

The same day. 2:30.

The tiny table has a freshly delivered tray of sliced fruit,

charcuterie, and cheese from a fancy place. It’s not over
the top, but it’s way more than 3 women could enjoy.

Seated in the chair usually occupied by Lina is Adrienne.

She doesn’t look like she’s had a baby recently. She looks
less tired, less puffy, more shiny-haired and more fit than
the others. She is dressed down, in jeans and a leather
jacket, and is completely engrossed in her ipad. (It is
also never commented upon in this scene, and may not
even be noticeable, but Adrienne wears a wrist brace on
her right hand; the kind that stabilizes the thumb.)

After a few beats, Jessie sticks her head out. She wears
nicer clothes than we’ve seen her in-- something feminine
from her office wardrobe, maybe. And her hair’s combed.

Allie is asleep in the sling across Jessie’s chest.

Jessie
(whispers)
Adrienne.
(louder)
Adrienne.

Adrienne
(looking up)
Yes. I’m Adrienne.

Jessie
Hi! How are you? I’m Jessie. This is my house. Thanks so much for coming down.

Adrienne
I’m so terribly sorry about this.

Jessie
You’re sorry?? For what?
 29.

Adrienne
For being here. You and your little buddy have a whole routine -- one I’m surely imposing
upon -- because I have a husband who’s a bullheaded prick.

Jessie
No! No, you’re not imposing! We thought it was a great idea, to meet a new friend, from
the nabe! You’re not imposing at all.
(beat)
I saw your assistant outside in the car? Did you want me to invite her / in to join--

Adrienne
No. Thank you.

Jessie
Okay. Well... ... do you think you could you make yourself at home for a second?--
(pointing down to the sling she is wearing)
She’s asleep in here, and I just / have to transfer...

Adrienne
(like it’s a snake)
Your baby’s in there?

Jessie
Yeah. She loves being in the sling. You don’t have one of these? They’re fabulous.

Adrienne is back on her ipad, done with this.

Jessie
Anyway.... I just have to transfer her to the crib, but I’ll be back out in two seconds?
(beat)
Ok?

Adrienne
(eyes on ipad)
Yep, fine.

Jessie
It’ll just take two seconds. And um... Lina will be right over; so why don’t you have some of
the lovely charcuterie your husband / sent over--

Adrienne
(eyes on ipad)
He knows I don’t eat that garbage.

Jessie
Okey-doke. Be right back...

Jessie exits.
 30.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat. Adrienne on her ipad.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina enters. Lina has not changed, is still wearing her

dirty clothes from this morning.

Lina
Hey there. I’m Lina.

Adrienne
Adrienne.

Lina
How’s it going?

Adrienne
Good. Fine.
(beat)
You?

Lina
Yeah. Good. Real good. Nice day. Baby went down easily. Boom.

Beat.

Lina
Where’s Jess? Putting Allie down?

Adrienne
Yes, she said she’s just transferring her to the nursery and then she’ll be out.

Lina
Ok, cool. Excellent.

Lina crosses to the table, sets up her monitor.

 31.

Lina
Oh my shit, is all this for us?

Adrienne
Yes. Please help yourself. Mitchell has very good taste, I’m sure the cheese is artisanal.

Lina
Well yeah, it better be, lady. It better be fucking highly artisanal.

Adrienne
Excuse me?

Lina
I’m kidding. I’m a kidder. I honestly don’t even know what artisanal means. I don’t think
anybody does. I think waiters just add it to their spiel so things sound nicer. “Your chilean
sea bass, madame, prepared with an artisanal blah blah artisanal artisanal.”

Adrienne
It means made by artisans.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina picks up a piece of mango with her fingers, puts it

in her mouth, starts chewing it.

Adrienne
.....there are some little plates over there if / you’d like to have table manners...

Lina
Nah I’m good.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina takes some cantaloupe now, chewing.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina
So, have you lived in Port Washington for very long, Adrienne?
 32.

Adrienne
No.

Lina
(mouth full)
Me either. We moved out here when I was pregnant. About to pop.
It’s one of the things we have in common. Me & Jessie. She moved out here pregnant, too.

Beat.

Lina
Do you have a son or a daughter?

Adrienne
Daughter.

Lina
Oh, great. Jessie has a daughter, too. What’s yours named?

Adrienne
Livia.

Lina
Olivia?

Adrienne
No, Livia. With an L.

Lina
Oh that’s nice. Livia. I haven’t heard that before. Very unique.

Adrienne
It’s a family name.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina
Whatcha reading over there that’s so interesting?

Adrienne
My e-mail.

Beat.

Beat.
 33.

Beat.

Lina
Well I have a son named Max and I’m from South Shore. Long Beach. You been?

Adrienne
No.

Lina
It’s loud and salty and all about the ocean. Just like me.
(beat)
Yep. I love it there.
(beat)
What about you, where are you from?
(snapping her finger)
Adrienne.

Adrienne
(suddenly very irritated)
What?

Lina
I asked you where you’re from --

Adrienne
(bites her)
The city-- look, could this other lady hurry up?? Can you go get her, your “bud,” and tell
her to get out here already? Because I need to get back but I’ve got a babysitter outside
making sure I do this nonsense, so if we could Get The Show on the Road here, I’d really
appreciate it. I mean, what is taking so long???? She’s just moving a baby.

Beat.

Lina leaves her monitor on the table and heads to the

back of Jessie’s house.

Lina
(off, into the house)
Hey Jess? How we doing in here, bud?
(seeing her)
O good, she / finally go down?--

Jessie
(entering)
Ugh sorry about that. She is giving me a run for my money today.
(to both of them now)
 34.

I had her down, but when I turned the Sleep Sheep on it was on full volume for some
reason? I must’ve knocked it? So we had to do the whole rocking rocking rocking again--
(to Adrienne)
Sorry! What did I miss? Did you show pictures?--

Lina
Adrienne is sorta eager to get going, I think.

Jessie
Oh no, really?

Adrienne
(affirmative)
If you could just text Mitchell that I was here.

Jessie
Okay, sure. I can do that.
(beat)
But -- may I? See a picture of your baby first? I’d really like to. Unless you don’t...

Adrienne
Of course I have one.

Adrienne opens an app on her ipad, hands it to Jessie.

Jessie
Oh!..... what a beauty. What an absolutely scrumptious love muffin. What’s her name?

Adrienne
Livia.

Jessie
Olivia?

Adrienne
No, Livia. With an L. L-i-v-i-a.

Jessie
Oh, well she is Just Lovely. How old?

Adrienne
Seven weeks.

Jessie
Seven weeks! My God! How do you look so good? At seven weeks, I was still in those sexy
hospital-issue underpants, squirting breast milk on everyone.
 35.

Adrienne
Well, we don’t do that. She didn’t latch, so we don’t do that.

Jessie
(eager to make her feel better)
Oh I know. These babies, right?! They have such little minds of their own when it comes to
breast-feeding.
(to Lina, not true but trying to normalize:)
Weren’t you just telling me the other day that Max gave you a hard time at first?

Lina
Nope. He latched like a champ.

Jessie
Well, someone was just telling me how much trouble they were having, Adrienne-- and the
fact is, it’s a conspiracy, these La Leche books. They make it all sound So Easy and So
Natural but breast-feeding is hard. Apparently when I was a baby I refused to nurse on the
left side and my poor mother walked around engorged for months--

Adrienne
Sorry-- are you done with my ipad?

Jessie
....... oh can’t I scroll through just a few more? Please?

Adrienne
(resolved)
Of course, be my guest.

Jessie goes back to scrolling, genuinely enjoying the pics.

Jessie
Oh look at this-- Lina, look at those little stinker toes! Remember this? When their toes were
all wrinkly like old man toes?....Oh, I can’t stand it, she’s got herself a little hair bow?...My
uterus is contracting just looking at this!
(scrolling)
(scrolling)
(then)
What’s all this jewelry?

Adrienne
....I design jewelry.

Jessie
Oh really? Like bracelets and earrings?
 36.

Adrienne
(this is getting tedious)
Yep, that’s it.

Jessie
Wow, cool. Where do you sell your stuff, on Etsy?

Lina
(to Jessie)
I fucking love Etsy.

Adrienne
(not mean, neutral)
I’m in The Clay Pot in Brooklyn, Helmut Lang in Tokyo, and Fred Segal in LA. But as of
next month, I’ll be nationwide in Barney’s.

Jessie
Oh wow so you’re... what’s the name of your line?

Adrienne
Adrienne Marra.

Jessie
Oh my God, I totally know your name! I think my friend Betsey has an Adrienne Marra
wedding band-- do you do bridal?

Adrienne
Some.

Jessie
Yes! Of course! She got it at the Clay Pot, this makes total sense -- wow!! I feel like I should
ask for your autograph / or something.

Adrienne
No. I don’t -- that’s not something I want to do.

Jessie
Okay. Sure. Wow. Good for you. That’s so cool.

Beat.

Jessie
(trying to keep the ball in the air)
We work, too. Lina’s in hospital administration, at St. Francis in Manhasset. What’s your
title again, Leen?

Lina
“Entry-Level.”
 37.

Jessie
With room for growth! And I’m an attorney, Acquisitions mostly. At Winston & Strawn, on
45th and Park?

Lina
You were an attorney, you mean.
(to Adrienne)
Jessie’s hoping to rock Mom Jeans full-time.

Adrienne
Why?

They are both very surprised she has asked a question.

Her “why” just sits there, with a thunk, in the air.

Jessie
Uh... because -- (and this is still in a very theoretical stage because I haven’t spoken to my
husband about it yet) -- but I think I’d rather be home with the baby.

Adrienne
How long have you been at your firm?

Jessie
...since 2005? Which is a long time. It is. I know that. But you have to listen to your gut
about things sometimes. You know?

Adrienne is silent. It’s awkward how silent she is.

Lina
(to the rescue)
Hey, Jess, look at this......... isn’t this story-time?

Lina shows her the picture on Adrienne’s ipad.

Jessie
(looking)
....Oh my god, yes, it is...there’s Miss Leslie with the Bongo puppet.
(to Adrienne)
Does Livia go to story-time at the library?

Adrienne
I don’t know. The nanny took that picture.

Lina
Is this / your nanny?

Jessie
Your nanny’s Justine?!
 38.

(off Adrienne’s slight nod)

We totally know Justine! We sit right behind her at story-time.

Lina
We sure do.

Jessie
OH HOW WILD! I thought she was calling her Olivia this whole time, didn’t you?

Lina
(at Adrienne)
Yeah, Olivia. With an O.

Jessie
But she was saying Livia. How funny! We already know your daughter. And what a sweet little
dreamboat she is. So curious? And alert? With those bright eyes?
And Justine is great with her. Never on her phone, just totally --

Suddenly Jessie’s monitor flares up, full blast. Allie is

screaming, wide awake. Demand demand demand.

Jessie
Oh, come on, Allie, honey! Give Mommy a break!!! I’m sorry guys-- I don’t know what is
with her today! I’ll be / right back.

Adrienne
(wants her ipad)
Wait, can I have my----

Jessie’s gone, still holding Adrienne’s ipad.

Beat.

Adrienne sighs.

She gets up, goes to her bag, gets her phone out, and starts
checking her e-mail, without even glancing at Lina.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina retaliates by pulling out her iphone and playing

Candy Crush on maximum volume.

Beat.

Beat.
 39.

Beat. Candy Crush and e-mail checking.

Beat.

Beat.

Jessie returns, wearing the sling again. Allie is in there,

crying.

Jessie
Screw it, I’m just gonna bring her out!
(to Allie)
Because you want to be out here, don’t you girlfriend? You want to be out here where all the
action is, yes you do. Say hi to Aunt Lina. Hi, Aunt Lina!

Lina
Hiiiiiiiii Petunia poops! Hi hi hi hi hi.

Jessie
(to Allie)
And this is our new friend, Adrienne. Can we say hi Adrienne? Can we say Hi, Adrienne?

The baby fusses.

Jessie
(to Allie)
Ok ok ok ok, Hey hey hey hey hey - ok do we want Boom Dynamite?

Lina
Yes! We want Boom Dynamite.

Jessie
Shut up, Lina.
(back to Allie)
Okay, Al, here we go, here we go...
(like a cheerleader:)
Ready? OK!

Jessie & Lina start singing “Boom Dynamite,” a

famous cheer they both deny knowing from high school.

Jessie & Lina

(softly, to Allie)
We’re boom dynamite! [clap clap]
Boom-boom dynamite! [clap clap]
We’re dynamite, we’re dynamite, we’re tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick
BOOM dynamite [clap clap]
Allie is boom dynamite
 40.

She’s dynamite, she’s dynamite, she’s tick tick tick tick tick tick tick
/ Boom dynamite! [clap clap]

Lina
(breaking out into dance solo)
Hold on, Wait a Minute! Put a little Booty in it!

Jessie
(laughing)
Shut up, Lina.
(baby fusses)
OK OK... I wasn’t stopping, I was just-- ok ok we’re--
(baby still upset)
Ok, we don’t want to be Boom dynamite? Okay...
Should we nurse maybe? Okay, you got it, kid. Yes Get that tit out, Mom. Ok you got it,
here we go...here we go....you nurse.

Jessie gets her boob out and gets the baby on her boob--
all inside the sling. This is something she is well-
practiced at doing.

Allison falls immediately, crazily silent.

Jessie
(whispers)
Sorry. She’s been so fussy today. I think she might be teething. I keep feeling little gummy
teeth clamping down on my nipple --

Lina
Yeah, Max has been gnawing on me like I’m a turkey leg.

Jessie
(noticing)
Adrienne? Where are / you going...?

Adrienne
(as she exits)
For fucks sake.

She’s gone.

Beat.

Jessie
What just happened? What was that?

Lina
.....I don’t know what that was.
 41.

Jessie
Do you think I offended her? By breast-feeding?

Lina
I think who cares. I’ve dropped farts more pleasant than that woman.

Jessie
I know, the poor thing. I felt so badly for her, didn’t you? She was obviously so
uncomfortable with us.
(adjusting her naked boob)
I don’t know why.
(true empathy)
And did you see how defensive she got when I asked if she had a picture of Livia?
Something must be really wrong there.

Lina
Hey can I take this gouda home for John?

Jessie
Lina.

Lina
What?

Jessie
I am concerned about that sad woman. You’re talking about cheese.

Lina
Well, I’m sorry but I’m not very concerned about her, Jess. She’s got a driver, a
housekeeper, an assistant, and a white live-in nanny. She’s gonna be Just Fine.

Jessie
What does having a white nanny have to do with anything?

Lina
It’s a thing. Having a white nanny.

Jessie
No it’s not -- that’s not a thing.

Lina
It’s absolutely a thing. What do you think it means when the service says the nanny (who’s
from Connecticut) has a master's degrees in childhood education? It means white. Justine’s
so white she’s not even salaried-- she’s hourly. $25 an hour.

Jessie
(doubtful)
How do you know that?
 42.

Lina
We talk, me & Justine. I told her about a Groupon for keratin treatments at Zing and she
talks to me now. And I’ll tell you something else, too:
(pointing up to Adrienne’s house)
She doesn’t think much of Posh Spice up there.

Jessie
Really? What’d she say?

Lina
She didn’t say anything ...she just gave me the eyebrows. You know, that look when you raise
your eyebrows while cocking your head to the side, like this?
(demonstrating)
It’s the universal symbol for: bitch be cray.

Jessie
Oh come on. You’re just being mean now.

Lina
Fine. You’re not trying to hear me, fine. But I’m telling you, we don’t want Home Girl in
our band.
(back to cheese)
Now can I take the gouda or not?
(beat)
Jessie.

Jessie
Yes, take the goddamn cheese.

Lina
Whoa. Look who’s getting a mouth on her! Getting a lil’ mouthy all of a sudden.
I’m going to have to take the whole tray now. Because someone’s being Insolent.
(beat)
...no? Not even a giggle? Fine -- I’m out.

Jessie’s distracted and serious, eyes locked on that house

in Sands Point.

Lights.
 43.

4.

Dim lights up on the yard. Later that day. Evening.

Maybe 8:45.

The sound of a car parking, beep beep locking of a

Cayenne door.

Mitchell enters around the side of the house, looking

around, a tad creepily, his phone in hand. He lingers,
unsure what to do. He sends a text. Then he disappears
around the side of the house.

Beat.

After a moment, Jessie enters.

Jessie
(whispers)
Mitchell?

Mitchell
(entering)
Hi. I’m sorry -- I didn’t know if I should ring the bell or go to the / back door --

Jessie
(warmly)
No, no, no, it’s fine. She’s awake. She’s doing bath-time with Nate.

Mitchell
Oh no, I interrupted bath-time? What an intrusion. I’m so sorry, / forgive me.

Jessie
Don’t be silly. It’s good for them to have a little daddy-daughter time.
(turning)
Let me just grab it for you, I put it by the front door.

Mitchell
Great, thank you.

Beat.

Jessie
Unless..... I’m sorry, would you like to come in? Of course you’re welcome to--
 44.

Mitchell
No. No, no, no. I have imposed on you quite enough for one 24 hour period. I’m fine here.

Jessie
You sure?

Mitchell
Absolutely. Thank you, though. Really.

Jessie
Okay. Be right back.

Jessie exits.

Alone, Mitchell looks around the yard, maybe takes one

of those wrought iron seats.

His eyes eventually land on his house. He is expecting to

admire it, but instead he’s struck by how absolutely dark
and cold it looks. He realizes he is dreading going there.

Jessie
Here we go. One ipad.
(returning)
I tried to protect it from the baby, but I’m afraid there might be a little drool on there.

Mitchell
Occupational hazard.

Jessie
Exactly, yeah.

He takes it from her, and they are physically very close.

Mitchell
Thank you.

Jessie
You’re very welcome.

Another awkward beat.

Mitchell
And... I want to say to you... if I may...
(then)
That you should not take my wife personally. She’s not herself these days.
I’m sure she was a terrible guest.
 45.

Jessie
No, she was lovely.

Mitchell
(no she wasn’t:)
Elaine said she stomped back to the car like an irate toddler after 8 minutes.

Jessie
Well... she wasn’t super chatty, no. But who is, at seven weeks? Seven weeks is still a very
delicate time for a new mom, you know. I was a total mess at seven weeks.

Mitchell
.... I find that hard to believe.

Jessie
I was. Absolutely. You can ask Nate-- he almost flew my Mom in from Evanston to deal
with me, 911. I kept re-washing baby bottles, just red rum red rum. And I refused to drive?
Like, at all. I would start the ignition and have a panic attack. And then stay up all night
crying, watching Hoarders on TLC.

Mitchell
Why?

Jessie
(laughs)
Why was I watching Hoarders? It’s actually very addicting.

Mitchell
No, why were you crying?

Jessie
Oh, you know. Normal stuff. Being overwhelmed. Being lonely. Having sore nipples.
Standard Baby Blues.

Mitchell
Ah.
(shy)
Well.....I think what Adrienne is going through is maybe.... less standard.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Jessie
Do you think... I mean, it’s none of my business... but do you think breast-feeding might
have something to do with it? She mentioned that Livia refused to latch?
 46.

Mitchell
That’s not the problem. And that’s not the truth, either. Livia didn’t refuse the breast, it
wasn’t offered to her. Adrienne never even tried.

Beat.

Jessie
You know what, Mitchell? I’m sorry. This is really not my business, and I / should--

Mitchell
She’s not connected to her. That’s the problem.

Jessie
What do you mean “not connected”?

Mitchell
She doesn’t play with her. Or hold her.

Jessie
(disbelief)
Of course she holds her.

Mitchell
No.

Jessie
Not at all?

Mitchell
Not at all.

Beat.

Jessie
How long’s this been going on?
(carefully)
I mean, is she like this every day? Or does it come and go?

Mitchell
I have not seen her touch our daughter in five in a half weeks.

Jessie
Oh.
(beat)
God.

Mitchell
Yeah.
 47.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Mitchell
The hardest thing is that I really can’t gauge how much of this has to do with her work and
how much doesn’t. Or maybe it was moving out here? I don’t know. It’s been a big
change. (But we built her a studio in the basement? -- I thought she’d be thrilled.) And the
doctor said it could certainly be all the IVF we did-- failed IVF can take a psychological
toll on the mother. But I don’t think that’s what it is -- Adrienne was happy when she was
pregnant. She threw up every day, and still she was in good humor. We were just so grateful
to finally be pregnant. And she designed the nursery in the new house, in this beautiful
giraffe theme? But I don’t think she’s been in that room since.
Like an alien stole my wife.
And I’m trying to be understanding because she’s under a lot of professional pressure right
now, I know that. She landed a big account at work just before we had Livia-- which should
be exciting but the whole thing has just made her manic. And she doesn’t need to be manic;
she has a staff in Brooklyn who can handle everything while she’s on leave, she’s supposed to
be on leave. But she’s locking herself in her studio for days at a time, working on some ear
cuff a celebrity wants made for red carpet season or some custom ring for some PR
person’s wedding. (She’s a jewelry designer, that’s what she does). And I keep saying let your
team handle this, Adrienne, that’s what they’re for. You have a seven week old and you are missing her,
*you wanted her and you’re missing her*-- and she just slams her studio door and says that if I
loved her I’d understand. And maybe that’s true? I don’t know, I have nothing to compare
any of this to. But she forgets to come upstairs and she forgets to eat and she forgets to sleep
and she forgets to take Livie to the one fucking Mommy & Me class she’s supposed to take her
to.....I think she forgets we had Livie.

Beat.

Jessie
I’m so sorry, Mitchell. I can’t imagine.

Mitchell
I know you can’t. You spend hours kissing your baby’s nose. Whole afternoons.
I’ve seen you do it.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Jessie
Look, why don’t you come in. I’ll introduce you to Nate and he can make you a drink.
 48.

Mitchell
(too firm)
I don’t drink.

Jessie
Okay, well we have /club soda and--

Mitchell
I only drank socially before but I quit completely when she was born. My mom was a
horrible alcoholic and I didn’t want Livia to ever associate that sound with me.

Jessie
Oh. / Okay.

Mitchell
Of ice hitting the glass. When she could’ve been taking care of me, or engaging me, or
holding me. Instead there was ice, and I didn’t....
(getting upset)
I didn’t want my daughter to know that kind of cruelty was possible.

Beat. There’s an action here from Mitchell, and it’s

strange. Like saying this out loud about his mother has
released something in him, and he forgets where he is. As
if he’s just ran a marathon and is catching his breath.

Unsure what to do, Jessie crouches next to him, patiently.

Mitchell
Sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You’re a total stranger and I’m... your crazy
neighbor. Oh God. I’m someone’s crazy neighbor.

Jessie
(laughs)
It’s fine; you’re fine... you just.... take a second, ok? Take a breath for / a second.

Mitchell
Okay.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Mitchell
I’m sorry.
 49.

Jessie
Stop. Apologizing.

Mitchell breathes. Jessie waits until it feels okay to ask:

Jessie
Let me ask you something. Are you concerned about the baby’s wellbeing? When you’re
not home, I mean. Her safety.

Mitchell
Absolutely not. We have a live-in nanny and a weekend nanny. They’re always at her side.
Both have masters degrees in early childhood education.

Jessie
Okay, good. And she’s in therapy? Your wife?

Mitchell
Yes. She goes once a week, in the city, and we go once a week, for couples therapy. We just
started doing that in January.

Jessie
Then I think that’s kinda all you can do. Postpartum takes time and patience.

Mitchell
(respects her opinion)
Is that what you think this is? Postpartum?

Jessie
Sounds like it, yes. Detachment, lack of interest... those are symptoms they flag, I think.

Beat. Mitchell processes this, looking so underwater.

Jessie
But it does lift. I mean, it can lift. I read a lot about postpartum, back before I met Lina, and
you’re doing all the right things.

Mitchell
I am?

Jessie
Encouraging her to get out with other moms, helping her build a community? Getting her
into treatment and then going to treatment with her? Yes.
(then)
I’d love to see the look on Nate’s face if I ever asked him to go to therapy with me.

This is a slight over-reveal and Jessie knows it

immediately. The electricity changes just a touch.
 50.

Jessie
Anyway.
(beat)
What can I do? Want me to call her and invite her to coffee again?

Mitchell
You would do that?

Jessie
Of course. What are crazy neighbors for.

Mitchell
Uh... restraining orders, usually. Or big electric fences.

Jessie laughs genuinely.

Beat.

Jessie
Text me her number and I’ll call in the morning.
(beat)
I should get back, though. For Pat the Bunny.

Mitchell
Of course, yes, sorry. I’m late for Guess How Much I Love You myself.

He lingers a moment - perhaps wanting to hug her. He

elects not to.

Mitchell
Good night, Jessie.

Jessie
You too.

Lights.
 51.

5.

Lights up, the following Monday. 10:30AM. The sun is

out a little.

Lina enters, looking the most put together we’ve seen her.
She wears a turtleneck under crisp, blue hospital scrubs,
and the tell-tale white Dansko nurse shoes, common in
hospitals. She has replaced her big hoops with studs. Her
makeup is subdued; her hair is combed back in a pony.

She takes her seat at the table, puts her monitor down.

Jessie enters with her monitor.

Jessie
Look at you! Wow wow wow wow WOW.

Lina
I figured I should get ready now, while he’s sleeping.
(her uniform:)
It’s awful, isn’t it?

Jessie
No! You look positively awesome.

Lina
I look like Kathy Bates in Misery.

Jessie laughs.

Lina
I do. She wears this same doinky scrub when she clubs his feet with the mallet.
And look at this--
(re: her finger nails)
“Sheerest Nude.” My girl who does my nails at Eve Nails didn’t even charge me. She just
wept silently in the corner.

Jessie
Well you do, though, you really look terrific. I would feel like I were in very good hands if you
were checking me in.

Lina
Yeah yeah yeah thank you.
(getting a whiff of coffee)
Whoa. What’s this? It smells like French Vanilla.
 52.

Jessie
It is french vanilla.

Lina
But you hate French Vanilla.

Jessie
But you love it, and I thought today... you deserved a special treat.

Lina
(smelling again)
..............is this from Dunkin?

Jessie
It is.

Lina
You went to Dunkin for me?

Jessie
(proud)
I did.

Lina
You put the baby in the carseat, drove over there, took the baby out of the carseat, dealt
with that fucking janky parking meter, and schlepped the baby into Dunkin for me?

Jessie
I did.

Lina
(getting emotional)
Oh come on......... I’m trying not to cry today.

Jessie
Well, what can I say? You’re worth it.
(beat)
Plus, I needed something to do with myself this morning. I woke up emotional, too. It’s
insane, Lina. How much I am going to / miss you--

Lina
Nope. I can’t... we can’t.

Beat.

Jessie
(bright)
So is Yolanda on her way home?
 53.

Lina
Yeah, she’ll be here at 11.

Jessie
Okay. Good, right?

Lina
Yeah. That way when Max wakes up, she’ll be here, and we’ll all have lunch together and
then I’ll go. So the transition will be smooth for him.

Jessie
Good. That sounds really good.

Lina
Yeah. I think I’m setting her up to win. I mean, I pumped enough milk to take over Hagen
Daas, and I put all the numbers on the fridge. Local PD, Local Fire, hospital, Pediatrician,
Poison Control, your cell. Thanks again for that.

Jessie
No problem.

Lina
And John had “the talk” with her last night, too, so I think we’re square on all that.

Jessie
He did? Wow. What’d he say?

Lina
I guess he just said it like real matter-of-factly. Like oh hey Mom, one other thing... you
know you can’t drink when you’re in charge of Max, right?

Jessie
Wow.

Lina
Yeah.

Jessie
How’d she take it?

Lina
Uh. I guess she got super weird and silent and walked to church and didn’t come home until
we were in bed.

Jessie
Oh boy.
 54.

Lina
But then this morning she pulled John aside and told him she heard him, and she will do as
he asked, so to please not worry about that being an issue.

Jessie
See? That’s great! This is all going to be fine.

Lina
....yeah.

Jessie
It’s going to be great, Lina. I have a very good feeling about all of this for you. I really do.

Lina
(wobbly)
......yeah, it’s gonna be fine.

Lina is suddenly looking very sad.

Jessie
(trying to stay peppy)
And so.. .what time do you get back tonight?

Lina
Ten-thirty? So.....
(voice cracking)
John will put him down, which is fine. He’s done it a few times before.

Jessie
(cheery)
And you’re gonna see your work friends again! You must be looking forward to that!!

Lina
(trying not to cry)
Yeah-- Kim-Ly? My best friend at work? She texted me a picture of my desk, which is all
covered with balloons and shit... and I guess they’re throwing me a welcome back party?
Which she wasn’t supposed to tell me...
(crying)
But she did.

Jessie
Oh, Lina.

They clasp hands. Squeeze.

Jessie
It’s going to go by so quickly today. You’ll see.
 55.

Lina
I know.

Jessie
You’ll be back home before you know it. And it’s going to get easier every day. You just
have to get into a new rhythm.

Lina
...yeah.

Jessie
You can do this. I know you can do this.

Lina
Yeah. I can. I can.
(beat)
(shaking it off, pulling herself together)
Okay-- enough of this! What’s going on with you? Distract me.

Jessie
What’s going on with me since yesterday?
(thinking, then)
Not much.

Lina
No?

Jessie
Nope.
(beat)
I mean, I finally watched Silver Linings Playbook? It’s free on HBO now.

Lina
(excited)
It is???

Jessie
Yeah and that other one that came out two years ago... the uh... oh god, my brain... based
on that astronaut person.
(re: off Lina’s blank expression)
Anyway Nate and I are watching that one tonight. And I have a pot roast in the slowcooker.

Lina
So things are about to get Turnt is what you’re saying.

Jessie
Yeah. Super “Turnt.”
 56.

Beat.

Jessie
Do you even remember evenings anymore? Pre-baby?

Lina
What, like date night?

Jessie
Yeah. We were married for six years before we had the baby-- that’s... 6 times 365 evenings
a year. What did we do? I guess we went out a lot. Went to Inoteca, shared a bottle of
malbec?
(dark)
God, how embarrassing. We just drank.

Lina
Embarrassing is being banned from Spanky’s in Long Beach. You’re fine.

Jessie
And then we’d go home and sleep for 10 hours, and wake up and read the entire NY Times
and make waffles.
(more to herself than Lina)
I used to collect lip-gloss.
I found them in a tin in the back of a drawer yesterday and I felt like an anthropologist,
unearthing a relic from another time, you know? How did I ever have time to think about lip-
gloss? Why did I ever care about anything that dumb?
(quite dark)
What a joke I was.

Beat.

Lina
Hey what’s up with you?
(beat)
You wigging out on me?

Jessie
No.

Lina
Yeah you are. You’re all Girl Interrupted about lip-gloss. What’s going on?

Jessie
Nothing.

Lina
Is it that I’m going back to work?
 57.

Jessie
No. I mean, yes. But I knew it was coming.

Lina
Is it Nate?

Jessie
No. I’ve just been having trouble sleeping.

Lina
What’s going on with Nate?

Jessie
It’s not Nate. It’s her, okay? That woman. I lie awake for hours at night just.... thinking
about her.
(pointing)
About Adrienne.

Lina
The See You Next Tuesday?

Jessie
She wasn’t that bad, Lina.

Lina
Yes she was. Why are you thinking about her?

Jessie
I don’t know. Because she’s right up there, I guess.
(beat)
She’s up there, and I’m down here, and there’s just a skylight between us at night-- that
skylight over my bed -- and I can feel her looking at me, I think.

Lina
Okay, now you just sound Loco.

Jessie
And I keep thinking maybe she actually is me. Or I’m her. We’re connected somehow. And
then I think....maybe I imagined her completely.

Lina
Yo. Jessie. Come back to me, crazy.
(beat)
She was real. She was here. She was rude as shit. And you called her - like you told that
dude you would. You called and called last week and she didn’t call your ass back.
(tough love)
 58.

And instead of bullshitting me about an imaginary problem, why don’t you get real with me
and tell me what’s going on with Nate.

Jessie
....nothing is.

Lina
No?
(beat)
No big conversations? Happening?
(beat)
Now that it’s the first of the month?

Jessie
Ugh. Come on, Lina/ give me a break--

Lina
Hey! I’m just doing what you told me to do. You told me to give you shit on the 1st if you
hadn’t done it by the 1st. And it’s the 1st. Why haven’t you told your husband you’re not going back
to work?

Jessie
Because I suck. Ok?
(fail)
I just...fucking suck.

Beat.

Lina
You don’t suck, you’re just chickening out. And I can’t figure out why. I mean he’s not
perfect -- no one is-- but Nate seems to really love and support you. Doesn’t he?
(no answer)
Doesn’t he insist you go get a massage every Sunday?
(Jessie nods)
Didn’t he shut down your Mother in Law drop-in’s with a balls-out e-mail that, truly, he
should copyright?
(Jessie nods)
He has your back and you know it. Rip the band-aid.

Jessie nods. She knows.

Lina
Do you want to practice? Just rolling the words around your tongue?

Jessie
(yes)
....No. That’s ridiculous.
 59.

Lina
(looking at her watch)
Come on, I’ve got five minutes. Let’s do this.

Jessie
I don’t / want to.

Jessie
(vaguely british accent)
“Yes, Jessie? You said you wanted to speak to me about something? What is it?”

Jessie
Why are you British?

Lina
I don’t know, I think I was doing Liam Neeson.

Jessie
(laughing)
Yeah, you were. From Taken.

Lina
I was totally doing Taken. “What I have is a very particular set of skills.”
(getting serious)
Ok hang on - I can do Nate. I’ve met him once, but I can do him, hold on...
(as Nate)
“Yes, Jessie? You said you wanted to talk to me. What’s up?”

Jessie
Wow.

Lina
Thank you.
(back in character)
“Well? What’s going on? Come on, tell me.”
(beat)
“Tell me right now or I’ll go wash all your maternity bras in scalding hot water and dry
them on high again.”

Jessie
Nate. I’ve been thinking...
(beat)
This has been such an incredible experience, being home with Allie these last 15 weeks and
I have been kicking around the idea that....
(beat)
Maybe I don’t go back to work.
 60.

Lina
(as Nate)
Why wouldn’t you go back to work?

Jessie
Because I want to raise Allie myself. I want to be a stay at home mother and I’ve looked at
our financial situation, and I think we can do it, and.
(beat)
This is what I want.

Lina
What about your job? You’re up for partner this year.

Jessie
....Well... I don’t want to be partner. I want to stay home with Allie.

Lina
What about North Shore Day? My parents paid in full already.

Jessie
Well, I spoke to the director of the program, and she is willing to reimburse your parents
the full amount (minus deposit) because the wait list is so long.

Lina
YOU SPOKE TO THE DAYCARE WITHOUT TALKING TO ME?

Jessie
(He wouldn’t yell; he’d just be sullen and judgy.)

Lina
(sullen and judgy)
You spoke to daycare without speaking to me?

Jessie
You let your parents *pay for daycare* without speaking to me, Nate.

Lina
You know how hard it is to get into North Shore Day?! It’s the best.

Jessie
And I don’t like it. And I’m not taking her there. And I’ve crunched the numbers, and we can
live on your salary. We might need to live a little leaner and supplement with our savings,
but that’s what savings are for.

Beat. Lina doesn’t have a comeback. Sounds good.

Jessie
(Tell me our savings are going towards a house in Sands Point. That’s what we decided.)
 61.

Lina
But the house in Sands Point. That’s what we decided our savings / were going --

Jessie
No, actually, that’s what you decided. I don’t want Sands Point. I don’t want Sands Point, and
I don’t want Plandome Road, and I don’t want Montauk, and I don’t want to put Allie in
the arms of a stranger all day*so we can afford* all those things I don’t want.
What I want is to stay in this shitty duplex.
(serious now)
I want our daughter to be held, fed, loved, burped, and comforted by her mother. I want to
know if she poops today and what the consistency was, and I want to know what color
balloons make her smile at Stop n’ Shop, and I want to take her to the park and watch her
watch the tide come in and I don’t care if we have to eat fucking Ramen to make that
happen, that is what is going to happen, because we almost lost her and that “almost”
changed everything for me and I’m not really asking you, Nate: I’m telling you. I am not going
back to work.

Beat.

Lina
(upset)
Yeah, really good, Jess. I uh............ I think you got it, girl.

Jessie suddenly realizes:

Jessie
Oh God. Lina. I’m so sorry.
(ashamed)
God what was I thinking?? On the day you’re going / back to work? Saying all this--

Lina
It’s okay.

Jessie
No it’s not. / I’m so sorry.

Lina
I mean it. It’s okay.
(beat)
You’re gonna do great, Jess. The Ramen stuff? That’s good shit. Keep the Ramen.

Jessie
Sorry.

Lina
You got this. You’re gonna do really good.
 62.

Jessie
Okay. Thanks.

Beat.

Lina looks at her watch. She has to go.

Lina
....guess what.

Jessie
No. No no no no no.
(giving her a big bear hug)
Okay, I’m going to text you all day, today, okay? Emojis. Bitmojis. XO’s. All day.

Lina
Not bitmojis.

Jessie
And I want you to call me if you need anything. Breast pump stuff, chocolate, food, change
of clothes. I am at your beckon call, okay?

Lina
Okay.
(pulling away)
I’m fucking bad at this. Bye.

Lina grabs her monitor and exits quickly.

Jessie
Bye, Lina!

Beat.

Jessie
(shouting after her)
IS IT TOO SOON TO TEXT YOU?

We hear Lina’s laughter, far away. Then it dies out.

She’s gone.

Beat.

Jessie, alone in the yard for the first time.

She has a bursting desire to sob, but doesn’t.

 63.

She checks her monitor.

She sips her coffee, remembers she hates french vanilla.

She thinks about texting Nate. Doesn’t.

She feels lonely.

This is all we watch for a solid minute. Jessie alone.

Finally, she decides she’ll just to go back inside. She gets

up, gets the mugs and monitor, and heads in.

Halfway to her house, an object whizzes by her head and

SPLATS a few feet ahead of her.

She turns to see Adrienne coming out of the bushes.

Jessie
.....Adrienne?

Adrienne takes a few steps forward and chucks another

egg at Jessie’s house. It splats on the patio door, offstage.

Jessie
..........what are / you doing?

Adrienne
I’m egging your house.

Jessie
....you’re what?

Adrienne
I’m throwing eggs at your house.

Jessie
Why are you throwing /eggs at my--

Adrienne
Did you tell my husband I have postpartum depression?

Beat.

Jessie
Uh.
(beat)
I don’t... believe I said/ that exactly....
 64.

Adrienne
That’s what he said in therapy just now -- and I don’t have postpartum depression.
Not that that’s your business, but I don’t. I have a psychiatrist who has not stamped my file
with postpartum. In fact, there aren’t any stamps on my file. Of any kind. I don’t even need
to take a goddamn multi-vitamin. Don’t you know what depression looks like? My roommate at
Brown had depression. She binge ate pizzas and cut herself. This isn’t depression, you
moron. / This isn’t depression.

Jessie
Okay. I--

Adrienne
This is rage. What I have is rage. I am Enraged.
It’s 2017, and I make as much money as my husband and I work as hard as my husband
and I’m as ambitious as my husband and I daresay those are the very traits he found so
goddamn irresistible about me that he proposed on our third date. And we have spent fourteen
years working side by side, our heads in our lap-tops side by side, working from morning to
dusk side by side.... so I’m having a little bit of trouble understanding why-- in the name of God--
there’s something wrong with me that I don’t suddenly want to close that laptop. That I don’t
want to sit around here in sweatpants singing Moosha Boom or whatever the fuck, staring
at some baby monitor like it’s a lava lamp. Why does that mean there’s something wrong with me?
You diagnosed me to my husband with the Big-Term terms, why don’t you tell me. With
your little Baby Sling and your little dainty Pearl Necklace and your goddamn Pinterest
Page. (Yes, I looked you up. I saw your Pinterest Page with its goddamn doilie pinecone
craft shits on there.) My husband thinks you are God’s Gift to Maternity. He watches you out that
telescope like some stalker and then complains to our therapist that I’ve ruined his life by not
being more like you. That I’m some Cruel Woman just like his mother, because I’m not
doing back-flips to wipe baby ass. Like some alien has taken over his wife’s body. And I just want
to punch him in the face because guess what, Mitchell, an alien did take over my body. I had to
have four fucking IVF miscarriages to get this baby. And if that wasn’t enough, when she
finally did show up, the goddamn c-section caused the cartilage in my wrist to develop
some rare fucking tendon thing called DeQuervains’ syndrome-- also known as “Mommy
Thumb”-- so now I’m in my studio like a gimp, unable to hold my flame straight, and I
can’t hold her. I’m sure he didn’t tell you that, did he. I can’t hold her. I cannot physically
bend my thumb more than 45 degrees. But that doesn’t mean I don’t touch her. Of course I
touch her. I take breaks and come up and sing to her, and talk to her, and show her what
mommy’s working on but I don’t do that when Mitchell’s home because Mitchell’s home.
And the Old Mitchell would’ve understood that, by the way. The Old Mitchell would’ve
understood that I am trying to manage *the single most demanding professional time* of my life.
It’s Barney’s. If this was Mitchell? If this was Mitchell’s deal he was closing, no one would
look twice at this. They’d just say-- Oh, he’s working, what a big time this is for him, good thing
there’s an excellent nanny, good thing he’ll have that baby’s whole life to get to know her. But because it’s
me, because I dared to go back to my studio, I’m the Antichrist. Why are you calling me? Stop
calling me. Stop talking to my husband about me. Stop looking at me-- I can feel you looking
at me from down here. Stop sitting with my nanny at story-time. Stop touching my kid. Stop
inviting me to things.
 65.

Stop nursing your baby out here with your tits out in the open like you’re a cow at pasture.
Stop doing what you’re doing, lady, because you’re making it incredibly hard for women like me to do
what we need to do and.... I fucking give up, on women like you.
(in real agony)
And now my wrist hurts.

Adrienne turns and exits, leaving Jessie standing there,

breathing.

Lights.
 66.

6.

Lights up on the yard. It’s really late. Like 1 or 2 in the

morning. The yard is very dark.

Lina enters. She is still wearing the scrubs we saw her

in earlier today, but she looks like she’s been crying--
mascara blurry. She paces a little, waiting.

After a moment, Jessie enters, some urgency to her step.

She wears pajamas and a bathrobe and carries a
fireplace lighter, which she hands to Lina immediately --

Jessie
Here.

Lina
(taking it)
Thanks.

Lina lights the cigarette in her hand.

She takes a couple of puffs before she can talk. Jessie

waits, silently.

Beat.

Beat.

Lina
There’s not a single lighter in that whole fucking house.

Jessie
That’s okay. You can keep that one.

Beat.

Lina’s hands are shaking, she’s so upset. She smokes.

Jessie
Is Max sleeping?

Lina
Yeah.
 67.

Jessie
And John is... doing what?

Lina
I don’t know. Packing.

Jessie
For where? Where are you gonna go?

Lina
I don’t know, a hotel. I just can’t be in that house with her right now. He’s gonna text me
after the car is packed and Max is in the car seat.

Beat.

Jessie
Do you... do you want me to go help John pack? / I can.

Lina
No, that would be weird.

Jessie
Don’t go to a hotel, Lina-- come to my house. I’ll give you our room and the whole upstairs.
We’ll go down/ in the den.

Lina
I told you, that’s so sweet of you, but your house is too close. I’ll get up in the middle of the
night and get your chainsaw out of the shed and go fucking murder her.

Jessie
Okay.

Beat.

Jessie
Is John furious?

Lina
I don’t know, I’m so mad at John, I wasn’t listening to-- I can’t believe he didn’t call me. You
come home and find a drunk woman holding your screaming child, you don’t call his mother??

Jessie
How drunk was she? I mean, is there anyway he didn’t notice? I didn’t hear anything.

Lina
Of course he noticed. She was drunk. Fucking drunk.
And she only gave Max one bottle today-- one bottle in eight hours-- so he...
(upset)
 68.

He was starving, you know? He nursed for 45 minutes straight when I got home, and the
whole time he kept opening his eyes, checking if I’d disappeared and left him in hell again.

Jessie
Oh, Lina.
(carefully)
It’s not your fault, what happened.

Lina
(very upset)
It doesn’t matter-- he can’t un-learn what he just learned, you know? He knows that it’s
possible now. For him to need me. For him to be alone in hell, and really need me, and have
me not come. He cried out for me, and I didn’t come.
(Jessie holds her)
Fuck. What am I going to do? I have work tomorrow. John has work tomorrow --

Jessie
Drop Max off here! I’ll watch him. I can watch him this whole week, this whole/ month
even--

Lina
You already have a baby.

Jessie
Exactly! What’s another? I’d be happy to watch him.

Lina
(true)
You can’t do that for me and you know it.
God. That look on his face.

Jessie
Oh Lina. I’m so sorry.

Lina cries into Jessie’s arms, and she holds her.

Lights.
 69.

7.

Some time later. Maybe a week later. It’s sunny. The

stage should brighten; time should slow down a little.

Lights up on Mitchell, sitting in the seat usually

occupied by Lina. He wears a tee-shirt, jeans, and
sneakers. He looks more relaxed than we’ve seen him
look. His hair is without product.

Next to Mitchell is a top of the line infant stroller, in

which Livia sleeps. A muslin baby blanket is over top.

Jessie enters, with two mugs of coffee and her monitor.

Mitchell
She’s down already?

Jessie
Yep.

Mitchell
You weren’t gone ten minutes!

Jessie
Well, it used to take me ten hours, believe me. I’ve just hit the Malcolm Gladwell expert
level. Once you’ve done something 10,000 times?

Mitchell
Ha. Yes.

Jessie
(handing him coffee)
Here. I did have cream.

Mitchell
(taking the coffee)
Oh, terrific. Thank you.

Jessie sits. Sets up her monitor.

Beat.

Mitchell
So, story-time.
 70.

Jessie
Yeah, what did you think?

Mitchell
I thought it was superb. What an amazing public service the library is providing Port. They
could easily charge for that.

Jessie
That’s why it’s so well-attended.

Mitchell
And she’s outstanding. That librarian. Miss?

Jessie
Leslie.

Mitchell
Leslie, yes. Those kids were glued to her. I thought they were going to have a collective stroke
when she got Bongo out.

Jessie
Oh, I know, they love that puppet.
(beat)
Allie can’t get enough of him.

They sip their coffee.

Mitchell
Hey - did you and Lina ever do the walk back from the library? Along Shore Road? It’s
beautiful. And it knocked Livie out.

Jessie
No, we always wanted to but it was never nice enough. This is the first day since October
it’s been over 65.

Mitchell
Is it that warm? I have a hat and gloves on her in there--
(panicked)
Do you think she looks hot?

Jessie
(peeking under the blanket)
...No.

Mitchell
I don’t know, I think her cheeks are a little flushed. I’m going in.
 71.

Jessie
(warmly)
You sure? That’s a very risky move.

Mitchell
Watch.

Mitchell reaches in, returns with a baby hat.

No tears.

Mitchell
Pure skill. That’s what they call pure skill.

Jessie
Bravo.

A smile between them.

Mitchell
Anyway, you guys should do it with me next time. The walk home from the library. You’d
love it, all that fresh air.
(an afterthought)
Where is Lina today, anyway? Is Max sick?

Beat.

Jessie
No, he’s not sick.
(hard to say)
Lina’s in Long Beach now.

Mitchell
She moved?

Jessie
She didn’t move move. She’s staying with her sister in Long Beach, but they’ll be back.

Mitchell
Oh, good.

Jessie
Yeah, they’ll definitely be back. They want to buy in Port, so Max can go to school here.
They just need to get a down payment together.
(realizing it’s untrue as she says it)
Which shouldn’t take too long.
(beat)
 72.

But Long Beach is good for them in the meantime. They have a lot of family support there,
and their daycare situation didn’t exactly pan out here.

Mitchell
Oh no. Which daycare?

Jessie
...I don’t remember. But Lina got a bad vibe.

Mitchell
Ugh. Well you have to listen to your gut on those things. You really do.

Jessie
Yeah.

Beat.

Jessie
But anyway, the good / news is --

Mitchell
(thinking of it:)
Wait a second. Does Lina need a nanny?
(excited to help)
Because Justine is looking for hours!-- this could be perfect.

Jessie
Oh. Lina can’t afford Justine.

Mitchell
No no no, Lina could just have her. I’ve already paid Justine in full for May.

Jessie
That’s really nice of you, and I’ll pass it along, but I think they’ve decided that Lina should
be home with Max. That’s what they’re lining up. The hospital is letting her switch to the
graveyard shift, so she can be home during the day, and John’s going back to a job he had
in Merrick, at a pizza place, so he’ll be closer to home.

Mitchell
They should just take Justine.

Jessie
She’s happy about this, Mitchell. Really happy.

Mitchell
Okay, well, good, then.
(beat)
Will you send her my best?
 73.

Jessie
I will. I’m gonna see her Saturday.

Beat.

Mitchell
So that’s why you looked so sad today at story-time.
I saw you before you saw me at the library, and I thought: There’s Jessie, I wonder why she looks
sad. This all makes sense now. You miss your friend.

Jessie
I do miss my friend, but I look sad because I’ve been fighting with my husband all week.

Mitchell
....Oh.
(beat)
I’m sorry to hear that.

Beat.

Mitchell
Do you want to talk about it? I certainly owe you one.

Jessie
That wouldn’t be appropriate.

Mitchell
(joke)
Well, my wife chucking eggs at your house wasn’t appropriate, either. But I think we can
graduate from--

Jessie
(sharp)
What are you doing here, Mitchell?
(beat)
What is it you wanted to stop by to tell me?

Beat.

Mitchell
Of course. I forgot this is your coveted nap time, of course you have things to do. Sorry.
(beat)
I uh... just wanted to tell you, myself, that I’ve taken a leave of absence from my job.
But....perhaps you already guessed that. You don’t look surprised.

Jessie
(warmly)
You were at story-time. In a Yankees tee-shirt.
 74.

Mitchell
Oh yeah. I guess I was.
(beat)
Anyway. Yes. I am now the official primary caregiver to Livia, and. I don’t know.
I ... wanted to share that with you.

Beat.

Mitchell
What do you think?

Jessie
What does your wife think?

Mitchell
Uh. I’m not sure. We haven’t had too much of a back and forth recently.

Jessie
You have to tell your wife, Mitchell.

Mitchell
I told her. That’s not what you asked; you asked me what she thinks. And I have no idea. But
she does know. I told her in therapy, in front of a trained professional.

Jessie
And she didn’t respond?

Mitchell
No, she did. She said thank you. I said, I’m taking a six-month leave so I can be home with
the baby full-time, and she said: thank you, Mitchell.

Jessie
.....that sounds positive.

Mitchell
Everything that’s not about Livie can wait, as far as I’m concerned. But yeah, I guess it
was.

Beat.

Mitchell checks on Livie in her stroller.

Jessie
And your leave is for six months?

Mitchell
Six months and then I’ll re-assess. That’s what I told them.
(I own the company, so I get to hold the cards a little, which is nice.)
 75.

(casual)
But yes-- the whole thing was pretty undramatic, really. I don’t know why I didn’t think to
do it sooner. You just get into this strange treadmill, at work. Where you think you have to
keep running on the program you selected. But you don’t. You can pull that Red Stop Button
and get off. You can leave the gym.
(beat)
Anyway. I’m boring you.

Jessie
No. (Sorry.)
(beat)
I think it’s good. That you’re home with her.

Mitchell
You do?

Jessie
I do. Not that it matters what I think, but I do.

Mitchell
It matters a lot to me, what you think.
All these people keep coming up to me at the playground, or at Dolphin Books or Stop n
Shop... complete strangers come up to me and tell me how sweet it is that Livia gets to be
with her daddy all day. It’s beautiful, how welcoming this community is, and you were the
first person to show me that.
(beat)
Which leads me to my Big Ask.
I know I’m no Lina, but what do you say? Can I be in your coffee clutch?

Beat.

Jessie
I’m going back to work Monday.

Mitchell
.....you’re what?

Jessie
Going back to work Monday.
(contained, professional)
Allie is going to North Shore Day from 8 AM to 8 PM, and I’m going to my office in
Manhattan.

Mitchell
This Monday?
 76.

Jessie
This Monday.

Beat.

Mitchell
But.... we were... no. You have a career?

Jessie
Yes, I have a career! I’m an attorney at Winston & Strawn. I went to Columbia Law.

Mitchell
But this is what you do. Isn’t it?

Jessie
Well. Nate & I have decided that that’s no longer practical.

Mitchell
But! You make Alison so happy. She’s the happiest baby I’ve ever seen.

Jessie
(trying to contain)
There are a lot of people who can make Alison happy. Certified, professional people.

Mitchell
But you’re happy. You’re happy here.

Jessie
(a burst)
Well I don’t know what the fuck you want me to tell you, okay, Mitchell? I asked for an
extended leave, and I didn’t get one. I asked for six months, four months, two months-- any
months unpaid-- and they said no. THEY SAID NO. Because I *don’t* own the firm, Mitchell,
so I *don’t* hold the cards. And if I quit, we lose our health insurance, and yes, we could go on
Nate’s, but I didn’t realize until he showed me the chart just how prohibitive his insurance is.
And I want to have more children, and this duplex isn’t big enough for that-- we need a
house. And we need retirement plans. And we need 529s so they can go to great schools.
And if I quit now all my sweat equity goes up in flames when I’m months away from
making partner, and for what? So I can be a resume with big holes in it, looking to “rejoin” the
workforce in ten years, with a husband who resents me because *I didn’t even try* to see our
vision through? Is that what you want me to do?

Mitchell
...I--

Jessie
I’m sorry but you’re gonna have to drink your coffee by your damn self.

Beat.
 77.

Beat.

Mitchell looks crestfallen.

Beat.

Jessie
I didn’t mean to speak to you like that.
This has been hard, and I’m not...
(sincerely)
I’m sorry, Mitchell.
(very tenderly)
But this also isn’t real. You know that, right? This time, these coffees. None of it is real.
It’s temporary.

Mitchell
....I see.

Jessie
I don’t want to fight anymore. I just want to enjoy the time I do have with her.
Today, tomorrow, Saturday, and Sunday.
I want it to be okay for me to just enjoy it.

Mitchell
Of course it’s okay.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Beat.

Mitchell
What are you going to do with her? With the time you have.

Jessie
Oh, nursing, I think. Her favorite thing. We’ll do lots and lots of nursing in my bed.
She does this move now where she pulls on and off my breast to smile at me? Just to flirt,
really. And I want to let her do that as much as possible. Just. As much as she wants.
(beat)
And, we’ll go to Home Goods, I’m sure.
She loves touching all the pillows and candles in there.

Mitchell
Oh, I’ll have to remember that.
 78.

Jessie
Yes! For a cold day or rainy day? Home Goods. Home Goods all the way.

Mitchell
Okay, thanks.

Jessie
(Just don’t tell them you’re my friend. I always get the stink eye in there because I don’t buy
anything.)

Mitchell
(laughs)
Okay.

Jessie
And then... we’ll stack her rainbow cups and knock them down again.
Maybe lie on her jungle mat; make monkey sounds.
(beat)
And then we’ll probably go up to the preserve. In Sands Point.
I’ve been facing her out in the Bjorn, so she can see the ocean, and she likes to throw her
arms up and tilt her head back in the surf, like she’s flying.
(beat)
And then we’ll sing.
And then we’ll read.
And then we’ll nurse some more, under the skylight.

Beat.

Beat.

Mitchell
She’s a lucky little girl, Jessie.

Beat. A real need beneath this question...

Jessie
Is she?

Lights.

____

END OF PLAY