SHAME AND GUILT
The cycle of guilt and shame refers to the interconnected and often self reinforcing relationship between
these two emotions. /Understanding this cycle can help individuals recognize how guilt and shame can
perpetuate negative feelings and behaviours.
Guilt. This emotion arises when a person believes they have violated their moral standards or have
harmed someone else. It is often tied to specific actions or behaviours and can motivate reparative
actions such as apologies or making amends. If guilt is not processed healthily, it leads to shame.
Shame. This is a more pervasive feeling related to the perception of oneself as flawed or inadequate.
Shame is always linked to one’s identity and self-worth rather than specific behaviours. It can lead to
feelings of worthlessness and a desire to hide or withdraw.
TYPES OF SHAME
NO COPING STRATEGY FOR SEXUAL FRUSTRATION LEADS TO: CYCLE OF PERPETUAL RESTRICTION
1. Avoiding that thing which makes you feel out of control
2. Start feeling restricted and deprived
3. Try to power through relying on willpower alone
4. Give up and indulge on the forbidden thing.
YOU ALWAYS END UP INDULGING IN WHAAT YOU ARE TRYING TO AVOID!
HEDONIC PRINCIPLE
When you indulge in an experience, it has several components (HEDONIC TONE).
1. Pleasantness: the degree to which an experience is pleasant;
2. Hedonic level: The degree to which positive aspects of the experience dominate over the
negative aspects.
3. Affective valence: the attraction to (positive valence) or repulsion to (negative valence) an
experience;
4. Emotion: the contemplation or awareness of all emotions experienced during the experience.
POSITIVE HEDONIC TONE EXPLAINS AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR PROHIBITED
INTIMACY! IT OVERIDES MORALS AND REASON!
PROHIBITED INTIMACY LEADS TO A SHAME SPIRAL AND A NEGATIVE
THINKING LOOP.
CHALLENGING DYSFUNCTIONAL/INTRUSIVE/NEGATIVE/SEXUAL THOUGHTS
RECORD. Date:_________________________
[Rating of Intensity: 0=Minimum; 10=Maximum]
Dysfunctional, Emotions Objective Distortions Review of evidence & Emotions,
Sexual/Intrusive/Negativ felt: (with situation: : alternatives: after
e Thoughts: 1-10 rating (What are the (How do you (Is there good evidence Reflection:
(what keeps running through of intensity) basic, objective escape them, supporting your (with 1-10
your head?) facts in relation to change them, sexual/intrusive/negative rating of
the thought(s)?;- explain them thoughts? Is it valid? Why? intensity)
what provokes away, or get How else can you explain
them, who rid of them?) the objective situation?)
provokes them,
when, where? -No
interpretations)
A thought usually: 1.) Occurs to you; or, 2.) It is suggested to you!
NEGATIVE THINKING LOOP /NEGATIVE THOUGHT STOPPING: THE 6 R’S
1. Recognize the negative intrusive thought;
2. Reject/Refuse/challenge the negative intrusive thought;
3. Reframe the negative intrusive thought by replacing it with positive accurate thoughts;
4. Resume thinking positive accurate thoughts of your reality;
5. Resist the recurring/negative intrusive thought by watching you’re allowing into your mind;
6. Rejoice when you overcome the recurring/negative intrusive thought and stay positive and
focus on the present and future.
CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE
WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK-Proverbs 23:7 (Internal self-talk)
Darkness cannot be present with light, and similarly, positive thoughts illuminate the mind.
The enemy loves to put all kinds of wrong thoughts in our minds because he doesn't want us to
have the good things Jesus died for us to have.
Does Your Mind Wander?
Are you bombarded with unhealthy, unfocused thoughts? Do you have trouble trying to get
something out of your mind? You may be stuck in a mental rut. It's time to get out!
These Power Thoughts can help you defeat your enemy and live free from his lies once and for
all. Speaking these aloud for 30 days can have nothing but a positive effect on our lives. You will
become a positive you in a powerful you. You will:
Learn how to think right thoughts on purpose;
Become decisive, confident and productive;
Enjoy the powerful life God intended for you.
THE POWER THOUGHTS:
1. I can do whatever I need to do in life, through Christ
2. God loves me unconditionally!
3. I will not live in fear.
4. I am difficult to offend.
5. I love people and enjoy helping them.
6. I trust God completely; there is no need to worry.
7. I am content (comfortable but not satisfied) and emotionally stable.
8. God meets all my needs and wants abundantly.
9. I pursue peace with God, myself, and others.
10. I live in the present and enjoy each moment.
11. I am disciplined and self-controlled.
12. I put God first in my life: love the word, live the word, meditate on the word, make decisions
based on the word and keep sin out of my life consciously and deliberately.
Begin and end each day speaking these affirmations with PASSION!
When you change your mind and renew your thinking, it will give you what you need to begin obeying
God; and in obedience to God, you will be abundantly blessed. (Psalm 35:27; 23;1.)
The Miracle Question:
If a miracle was to happen to you today and the perfect life would
happen, what is that perfect life?
(Assume your world is perfect right now. What does this world look
like? How is everyone interacting with everyone else? What does it feel
like? Write your answer as a statement, in the present tense, describing
the ultimate condition, the perfect world as you see it and feel it.
Remember, a perfect world is a fun place to be.)
MOVING ON!