Module 3

Harmony in The Family and Society

1.1 Motivation:
The motivation for exploring "Harmony in the Family and Society" is rooted in the belief
that a balanced and harmonious environment fosters growth, understanding, and mutual
respect. When families and communities work together in unity, they create a supportive
foundation for individuals to thrive. This harmony strengthens relationships, promotes
collective well-being, and lays the groundwork for a prosperous, peaceful society where
everyone can flourish.
1.2 Syllabus:
Lecture
Syllabus Duration Self-Study
No
Family as the Basic Unit of Human
13 1 hr 1 hr
Interaction
Value In Human To Human
14 1 hr 1 hr
Relationship
Trust - The Foundational Value And
15 1 hr 1 hr
Relationship
16 Respect - As The Right Evaluation 1 hr 1 hr
17 Understanding Harmony In The Society 1 hr 1 hr
18 Vision For The Universal Human Order 1 hr 1 hr
 Lecture 13

Harmony in the Family – Understanding Values in Human-

Human Relationships

Recap
In the previous three chapters, we investigated into the harmony in human being through the process of
self-exploration. We tried to understand the human being as the co-existence of the Self and the Body.
The Self is the domain of consciousness and the Body is the domain of material. We discussed the
difference between needs and activities of the two entities, and how the Self is the seer, doer and
enjoyer (experiencer), while the Body is used as an instrument in this process. Next, we explored into the
activities of the Self, and the process to ensure harmony among all the activities of the Self. This leads
to a state of harmony in the Self and paves the way for ensuring continuity of happiness in the Self.
Having discussed this, we saw how the Self can be responsible towards the Body.

The programme for continuous happiness is to ensure right understanding, i.e. understanding of the
harmony in human being, family, society and nature/existence and to live in harmony at all these levels.
On the basis of understanding the human being, particularly the Self, we can now proceed to
understand relationship between one Self and the other Self which is the essential part of relationship
and of harmony in the family. We want to explore into it in this chapter.

Family as the Basic Unit of Human Interaction

Every human being is born in a family and is part of a family, in which there are parents, grandparents,
children, youth, uncles and aunts, cousins, so many relatives and friends. It is the family where we are
nurtured and developed from childhood, cared for in sickness and in old age. It is where we start
learning to interact with other human beings, to share and to care. It is the place where we start
becoming aware of relationship. The moment we hear the word mother, there is a whole lot of feeling.
Similarly, every relationship name has an associated feeling which becomes more and more enriched as
we interact. Our basic grooming for living in relationship starts in the family. The first few years, what we
call the formative years, are spent in the family. It is where we pick up a very significant part of our
sanskar in living with our family elders and siblings, neighbours and friends. It also provides us the
platform to verify our understanding.

The family is the basic unit or building block of human organisation. It is a practice ground for living in
relationship and harmony (order).

Feeling of Relationship as the Basis for Harmony in the Family

The harmony in the family has primarily to do with the fulfilment of relationship between one human
being and the other human being. In order to fulfil relationship, it is necessary to understand
relationship.

Understanding Relationship
We will now explore into the four important aspects of relationship:
1. Relationship is – between one Self (I1) and another Self (I2)
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one Self (I1) for the other Self (I2)
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite
4. The fulfilment of these feelings and their right evaluation lead to mutual happiness Let us

explore these four aspects one by one.

1. Relationship is – between one Self (I1) and another Self (I2)

When we talk about relationship, we can make two important observations.

The first is that the relationship is already there, we are in fact embedded in relationship. We are
already related to each other – whether we recognize it or not. We do not have to construct or create
relationship. All we need to do is to understand relationship.

We are part of a family, with the parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. We have neighbours,
relatives and friends. We are connected to the people who are producing, processing, packaging,
marketing, delivering, repairing all the things we use. We are dependent on the people who provide
services to us. There are a lot of people who depend on us – for the goods and services that we
produce or provide. It is interesting to find out how many people are involved even in the smallest thing
we may be consuming, like a glass of milk that we may be having in the morning. There is the milkman
who delivered the bottle of milk, the people involved in making the glass bottle, the people in the dairy,
the farmers growing, harvesting and making the fodder available and so on. You will find this list is pretty
long! Like that we are embedded in relationship with other human beings.

When we recognize the relationship and see that it is there, we think in terms of accepting it and
fulfilling it. We have asked many times if it is naturally acceptable to live in relationship or opposition
and every time, we can see that it is naturally acceptable to live in relationship. It indicates that
relationship is already there, it is a part and parcel of human existence and existence as a whole. We
only need to understand it to fulfil relationship.
When we don’t understand it, the relationship is still there but we are not able to see it, we are not able
to accept it and therefore, we don't think in terms of ensuring the fulfilment in the relationship; and we
have to face the consequences of lack of fulfilment of relationship. That is a major crisis we are facing
today.

The second observation is that relationship is between one Self and the other Self. Of course, the
relationship exists between one human being and the other human being. However, understanding
human being, we can easily see that it is the Self which is recognizing the relationship, and not the
Body. It is the Self which has feelings in relationship, and not the Body. Also, these feelings are
recognized by the other Self and not the Body. In that sense, the relationship is between one Self and the
other Self. It is the Self that is able to see or understand relationship, accept relationship and fulfil
relationship. The Body may be used as an instrument in the process of fulfilling the relationship by both
human beings.

Needless to say, while we all do want to fulfil relationship, we are not able to do it until we understand the
human being. As long as we consider human being to be just the Body, it is not possible to understand
relationship; and without understanding relationship, it is not possible to fulfil relationship. The clarity that
human being is co-existence of Self and Body, is essential for understanding relationship and fulfilling it.

Lecture 14

2. There are feelings in relationship – in one Self (I1) for the other Self (I2)
The important issue in human relationship is that of the feelings. We can see that feelings are in the
Self, not in the Body. It is the Self which has the feelings and which recognises the feelings. To
understand relationship, one has to understand the Self and the feelings in the Self.

Feelings like respect and affection are more important rather than merely the exchange of physical
facility. For example, you are happy with your mother’s cooking even if it is very simple, because of the
feelings in that relationship. You may complain about very similar hostel mess food, if you haven’t
realised the feelings in the relationship with the mess staff.

The major crisis we are facing in relationship today is because of the failure to understand the Self. We
are trying to assume relationship on the basis of body, trying to fulfil relationship on the basis of body
and it does not work. If we don't understand the Self, we don't understand the feelings and therefore,
we are not able to ensure the fulfilment of the feelings in relationship. We end up trying to ensure the
fulfilment of the relationship through physical facility.

Feelings are central to human relationship. No amount of physical facility can ensure the fulfilment of
feelings and therefore, no amount of physical facility alone can ensure fulfilment in relationship.

3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite

The third important issue is that these feelings can be recognised, they are definite. There are nine
feelings in relationship. These are the feelings which we can understand which we can ensure within
ourselves which we can share with others and thus ensure mutual fulfilment in relationship. These are
the feelings which are naturally acceptable to us in the relationship with the other human being.
Feelings (values) in relationship – nine feelings
1. Trust (foundation value)
2. Respect 8. Gratitude
3. Affection 9. Love (complete value)
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
First of all, let us investigate if these feelings are naturally acceptable to us or not. For example, we can
ask ourselves what is naturally acceptable to us:
 Feeling of trust or mistrust
 Feeling of respect or disrespect
 Feeling of affection or jealousy
 Feeling of care or exploitation
 Feeling of guidance or misguidance
 Feeling of reverence or irreverence
 Feeling of glory or inglorious feelings
 Feeling of gratitude or ingratitude
 Feeling of love or hatred

It will be quite obvious which feelings are naturally acceptable to us. Then we can explore if these
feelings are naturally acceptable just to us or they are naturally acceptable to others, and ultimately, to
everyone.

You will see that these feelings are naturally acceptable to you, therefore, having these feelings in
yourself leads to your happiness. When you have a feeling of respect within you, you are comfortable
within, you are in harmony within – because this feeling of respect is naturally acceptable to you. When
you are in harmony within, you are in a state of happiness.

On the other hand, if you have a feeling of disrespect for the other, you are uncomfortable within
because you are in contradiction within – the feeling of disrespect is not naturally acceptable to you.
Just by having this feeling of disrespect, it leads to contradiction within yourself and therefore, leads to
a state of unhappiness within. This is the case even if you have not shared it with the other, even if you
have not expressed it to the other. This disharmony within is making you uncomfortable and therefore,
unhappy. Are you able to see that? Also, you can find out if the complaints regarding the lack of
fulfilment in relationship have to do with the absence of these feelings.

4. Fulfilment of feelings in relationship and their evaluation leads to mutual

happiness
When we have naturally acceptable feelings in the Self, we share them with the other and when we are
both able to evaluate the feelings rightly, it leads to mutual happiness, i.e. the happiness of oneself as well
as the happiness of the other.

The important observation is that these feelings are naturally acceptable to us therefore, having these
feelings in us leads to our happiness. Similarly, these feelings are naturally acceptable to the other, so
when we share these feelings with the other, it leads to happiness of the other as well. Evaluation is
required to verify whether we have these feelings or not, whether we have expressed these feelings to
the other or not, whether the same feeling has reached to the other or not and ultimately evaluation is
required to see if the result is mutual happiness or not.

For example, if I have a feeling of respect, it leads to harmony within, therefore, happiness within. This
feeling of respect within myself leads to my happiness. When I share this feeling of respect with you, it
leads to your happiness – that is how it leads to mutual happiness. This can be verified for all other
feelings – trust, affection care, gratitude, etc.

The harmony in family has to do with relationship and relationship has to do with these four aspects.
Only when we understand these four aspects, we understand the relationship, we are able to accept
relationship and we are able to ensure the feelings in relationship leading to the fulfilment in
relationship. Therefore, having right understanding or clarity about relationship is at the base of
fulfilment in relationship.
 Appraisal of the Current Status
Today, we have much more physical facility than ever before; yet a significant percentage of people
don’t get enough to eat and don’t have enough clothes to protect their body. It is certainly not a problem
of production, but of distribution. You see, within your family, you have an acceptance for the others – for
the children, for the older people and so on – so you share quite unconditionally. Outside that family,
that acceptance of relationship is not there, so in spite of having more than enough, the distribution
does not take place. Not only is the acceptance of relationship not there, we have a feeling of opposition
for people outside a limited circle of people. That is why, we are collectively spending a very large
percentage of our resources preparing for war. Isn’t it quite paradoxical?

The problem today is that we assume ourselves to be the Body and we try to see the relationship on the
basis of the Body. We, therefore, fail to understand relationship and consequently, we fail to fulfil
relationship, despite all our good intentions. That is why, we have so much of complaint regarding
relationship. We keep thinking and talking about the lack of fulfilment in relationship, but we hardly
know what to do about it. Most of the time, finding lack of fulfilment of relationship, we try to fulfil it
through physical facility, but it does not work. We had explored in chapter 3, whether the unhappiness in
our families is more due to lack of fulfilment in the relationship or more due to lack of physical facility.
And we had observed that much of our unhappiness has to do with the lack of fulfilment in relationship,
while we may be spending major part of our time and effort for physical facility.

The problems in relationship today are due to absence of one or more of the right feelings. And we try
to make up this gap by physical facility or by trying to demand these feelings from others, rather than
ensuring these feelings in ourselves and sharing it with others.

We can recall the question that if you are thinking of taking revenge with someone for two hours and
after two hours you drop the idea. You were unhappy. The other person would not even know about it,
because you have not expressed it, but your unhappiness is definite. If you look at this unhappiness, the
basic reason is that you had a feeling of opposition for the other. Since this feeling of opposition is not
naturally acceptable to you, therefore, you were uncomfortable within. Instead of having a feeling of
relationship (like affection), you had the feeling of opposition (like jealousy) which is not naturally
acceptable to you, therefore, it was leading to a contradiction within and therefore, unhappiness within.

The majority of complaints in relationship have to do with the lack of fulfilment of naturally acceptable
feelings. Since we do not understand the Self, we do not understand the feelings, we do not have these
feelings in ourselves, and we are not able to express them to the other, leading to lack of fulfilment in
relationship. In fact, we are not even able to appreciate that the problem is because of lack of fulfilment
of feelings. Instead we try to compensate it with physical facility. We think that if we only had more
physical facility, we would have resolved the problem in relationship. Lack of physical facility is not
really the cause – the complaint is about the lack of feeling and not just the physical facility. Because
we don't understand relationship, and because we do not ensure these feelings in relationship, we are
not able to ensure the fulfilment in relationship. Let us look at the following episode in this context.

A couple was sharing their situation. “I like to go for a walk in the morning”, she said, added
“and he likes to play badminton, and so it goes – we keep fighting about this”. Now, is their
problem one of their physical activities or does it have to do with the lack of feelings – lack of
affection for each other? What do you think? If they had the feeling of affection for each other,
one would like to fulfil the expectation of the other first or the husband may play the badminton
and the wife may walk around the badminton court. The gap between them is the lack of
feeling. If the feelings are there, they can always work out a joint programme for living together
with fulfilment.
We attempt to fill this gap in feelings with physical facility. We go for elaborate dinners, give exclusive
gifts, go to exotic holiday destinations; we celebrate occasions like birthdays, wedding anniversaries
and so on. Do such activities actually fill the gap, if the feelings are lacking? Can physical facility be
substituted for feelings in the relationship?

We have seen that fulfilment in relationship is on account of ensuring the right feelings and no amount of
physical facility can ensure the fulfilment of feelings. While we have physical facility, we have not
understood these feelings and they are not there in us – that is the problem. Now we are further not
working to understand the feelings and ensure them in the Self, rather we only expect the other to
express right feelings to us – we are just expecting these feelings from the other. If the other is
expressing the right feelings to us, we feel happy, and if the other is not expressing the right feelings to
us, we feel unhappy. For example, we want the feeling of respect. Now if the other respects me, I feel
happy, and if the other does not respect me, I feel unhappy. That is how we go about it generally. In fact,
majority of our programs today are woven around it.

Find out, if you think in terms of having the feeling of respect and sharing this feeling of respect with the
other, or you think in terms of just getting respect from other. If you think in terms of getting the feeling
of respect from the other or even demand for it, it doesn't work. In case the other person has not
understood relationship, has not understood the Self which is the source of the feelings, has not
understood the feelings in the Self, (s)he does not have the feeling of respect within. Now when the
other does not have the feeling of respect within, (s)he cannot express it, cannot share it with you
either. Therefore, you don't get the respect from the other, not because (s)he does not want to respect
you, but because the other does not have that feeling of respect within. When this respect is not
forthcoming from the other, we keep doing many things to get respect from the other – we wear
fashionable clothes, build big houses and so many other things like that. Does all this effort work? It
may appear to work temporarily, but it doesn't really work.

Refer to the question that we asked earlier, “When you go to a party with an exclusive dress, does it
generate a feeling of respect or create feeling of jealousy in the other”? It creates a feeling of jealousy
mostly. Sometimes you do get a feeling of respect from one who already has a feeling of respect for
you, for your past behaviour (rather than on account of the exclusive dress). If you already have a
relationship with the other, and the other is comfortable with you, (s)he will have that respect for you.
Otherwise the other will have that feeling of jealousy, because (s)he himself is trying to get respect from
you. We have become competitors. We spend so much effort, time and money to dress up exclusively
and what we get in return is the feeling of jealousy rather than the feeling of respect.

What is happening is that people are not able to express the feeling of respect to the other, because
they do not have it. This is because they do not understand the feeling. Rather, they are trying to get it
from the other. You want to get the feeling from the other. You yourself do not have that feeling. You do
not have it because you don't understand the relationship, the feelings in relationship. Same is the
problem with the other. (S)he also has not understood relationship, the feeling in relationship.
Therefore, (s)he does not have the feeling of respect, and hence (s)he is not able to express it to you.
Ultimately the situation is that most people are begging for respect and almost everyone's bowl is
empty. We are begging for respect and we are not getting it from the other because the other’s bowl is
empty. And we're not able to give the respect to the other because our own bowl is also empty. We can
see that we are stuck with this problem of lack of fulfilment in relationship because of three things:
1. We are not able to ensure the fulfilment of feelings which are naturally acceptable to us in the
relationship (and we try to compensate for it by physical facility which does not work).
2. We are not able to ensure feelings in ourselves because we have not understood the Self and
3. We are not able to understand that the relationship is between one Self and the other Self.

The major issue in relationship is that of feeling; and not of physical facility alone.
The larger issues of domination, exploitation, adultery, divorce, breakdown of the family system, etc.
can also be seen as symptoms of lack of understanding of relationship and of lack of feelings in
relationship.

These problems point to the need to understand human being, to know the Self, to understand the
relationship, to ensure the right feelings in the Self, to share these feelings in relationship with the other
and to evaluate them, ensuring mutual happiness.

The Way Ahead

With this background, let's see what we need to do to ensure fulfilment in relationship. The most
fundamental thing is to understand these feelings. If we understand these feelings, we will have these
feelings in us. If we want to ensure fulfilment of a relationship, it is essential to understand the feelings.
When we understand them, we have the right (naturally acceptable) feelings in us. When we have
these feelings in us:
1. We are comfortable within. These feelings are naturally acceptable to us, therefore, we’re in a state
of harmony (happiness) within. The moment we understand the feelings in relationship we have these
feelings in ourselves leading to a state of harmony (happiness) within. This much is definite.
2. We share these feelings with the other. That is very natural. If we have a feeling of respect for you, we
express the feeling of respect to you. Similarly, the feeling of affection, feeling of care, feeling of
guidance, etc., will get expressed.
3. Since these feelings are also naturally acceptable to you, it will lead to happiness for you. Ultimately it
will lead to mutual happiness.

During the discussion on relationship, seeing a ray of hope, a student confided in his human values
teacher. He told her about the bitter relationship with his father. For two and half years both of them
had not spoken to each other. Their only means of communicating during this time was through
the mother. Could he do something to make up with his father? The teacher told him that if his
desire was genuine, he would figure out a way to reconcile and patch up things, ‘All it takes is a
little effort’.

The boy looked thoughtful and nodded his head as he remembered. Two and half years of not
speaking to each other, a strenuous relationship of a father and son, living in the same house is
quite unthinkable. It had started one evening when the parents were out. The boy like any youth
took advantage of the situation and invited his friends over for a party and a game of cards. Just
as they started their fun, the parents walked in unexpectedly much to the dismay of the boy and
his friends. The father was furious. He not only scolded the boys, but he also beat up his son in
the process. It was not just embarrassing but a humiliating experience for the son, being beaten
in front of his friends, not to mention the scolding of his friends.

A few days later the boy, on his return from college, found his father playing cards with his friends
at home! How could this be all right for the father but not for a grown-up son? ‘Should he not
practice what he was preaches’? Engulfed with frustration and resentment, the son pointed this
out to his dad. Unfortunately, the father immediately flared up and once more, he beat up the boy
– only this time in front of his own friends. This incident was the last straw for the son and thus
father and son relationship turned silently sour. The boy stopped talking to his father.

In all this, the boy was not comfortable within. In the classroom discussion on relationship, he had
figured out that the father must also be unhappy, so he had decided to look at the situation afresh.

‘All it takes is a little effort’, the words of his teacher resonated in the January air. It was New Year
and the boy thought it could be a good time to heal the broken relationship. He got a beautiful
flower and went to greet his father, who was getting ready to go to work. Rather awkwardly the
boy held up the flower, like a man proposing to a lady.
 The father asked curtly, ‘what is this’? The boy, ‘it is a flower’. The father said loudly, ‘I can see
that it is a flower, but why are you giving it to me? What do you want’? The father waved his hand
indicating that he didn’t have the time; he was already late for office.

The son turned away sadly and tried to fight the tears that were already trickling down his cheeks.
‘The flower is just an excuse – I want to talk to you. I have much to say. I only wanted some of
your time”, he whispered.

The father couldn’t but help notice his son’s hunched shoulders and head hung low. The image
of this gripped the heart of the father and then he very softly said, ‘OK, let us talk…”

Two and half years of silence was finally broken. Talk they did. They shared their deepest feelings,
sometimes interrupted by tears and sometimes by laughter. It was a new beginning for them.

Now in this incident, can you see that it was the understanding of relationship which made a
difference?

The programme for ensuring the fulfilment of relationship is as follows:

First, to understand and accept the relationship, identify the feelings in relationship, to understand these
feelings and ensure that these feelings are there in us. In fact, the moment we understand the feelings,
we have the feelings in us. We don't have to do anything else to create these feelings, except to
understand them.

Secondly, we have to share these feelings with the other. Because this is naturally acceptable to the
other as well, it will lead to happiness in the other also. Thus, it will lead to mutual happiness. And that
is how the fulfilment in relationship will take place.

In this way, with understanding and acceptance of relationship, understanding the feelings in
relationship, having the feelings, expressing these feelings and right evaluation of feelings lead to
mutual happiness.

We can see that ultimately the fulfilment of the relationship calls for the understanding these nine
feelings and their fulfilment. We will now try to investigate into each of these feelings one by one
starting from trust.

(Note: This chapter is particularly large and contains detailed discussion on the basic values
in relationship. To facilitate understanding on the part of students, we are providing the
‘Salient Points’ and ‘Test Your Understanding’ after each major section of the chapter).

Salient Points regarding Relationship

 The family is the basic unit of human organisation for living in relationship and harmony (order).
 To live with fulfilment in relationship, it is essential to understand relationship. Assuming relationship
without understanding does not work.
 Relationship is, it is already there. In human-human relationship, it exists between one Self (I1) and the
other Self (I2). We are embedded in relationship – whether we recognize it or not. When we recognize
the relationship, we think in terms of accepting it and fulfilling it. When we don’t understand
relationship, the relationship is still there but we are not able to see it, we are not able to accept it and
therefore, we don't think in terms of ensuring the fulfilment in the relationship.
 The unhappiness in the family is more due to lack of fulfilment in the relationship, but also due to lack
of physical facility. The major issue is that of fulfilment of feelings in relationship; and
 with that, the minor issue is lack of physical facility. By itself, physical facility cannot
compensate for lack of feelings.
 The base of relationship is feelings – in one Self (I1) for other Self (I2). Feelings are in the Self, not in the
Body. Feelings are fundamental to fulfilment in relationship.
 These feelings are definite, so they can be understood. There are nine naturally acceptable feelings
in relationship – from trust (foundation value) to love (complete value).
 When we ensure these naturally acceptable feelings in ourselves, we share them with the other and
when we are both able to evaluate the feelings rightly, it leads to mutual happiness.

Test Your Understanding regarding Relationship

Part 1: Questions for Self-evaluation

(Have we grasped the basic proposals made in this chapter?)

1. Is it possible to live in relationship without understanding relationship? How is a family the basic
ground for understanding relationships? Explain.
2. ‘Relationship is – between one Self (I1) and another Self (I2)’. Examine this statement.
3. Feelings in the Self are fundamental to live with fulfilment in relationship. Evaluate this
statement.
4. What are the feelings (values) in human relationship? Are they naturally acceptable to you? Do you
think these feelings are also naturally acceptable to others?
5. What is the outcome when we try to identify relationship based on the exchange of physical facility
alone?

Part 2: Practice Exercises for Self-exploration

(To help connect the content to one’s life, at least at the level of thought, these exercises may be done
individually or in a group, particularly with friends and family members)

1. What is the meaning of family for you? List down the people in your family/extended family.
a. What do you call these people? You may be calling them by a relationship name like father, mother,
brother, sister, chacha, chachi, mama, mami, etc. or by a family name (pet-name) or their formal
name.
b. What are your expectations from each of these people?
c. What are your responsibilities towards each of them?
d. What is your state of harmony with each person?
Now, write down your conclusions from this exercise.

2. Make a list of at least ten relationship pairs in the family (e.g. father-mother, mother-daughter, mother-
son, father-son, father-daughter, brother-brother, brother-sister, chacha-chachi, mama- mami, chacha-
mama, etc.). For each pair, write down
a. The rough evaluation of the state of harmony of that pair. If your parents are in harmony with
each other, write 100% in front of father-mother. If your chacha is in 50% harmony with your
mama, write 50% in front of chacha-mama.
b. The reason for that state of harmony or disharmony.
c. How can you contribute to ensuring harmony in these relationships (wherever you find it lacking)?
What is your conclusion from this exercise?

3. Take the relationship in which you have the most dissatisfaction or complaints. If you are in harmony with
every member of your family, you can skip this exercise or you can do it for someone in your extended family
or friends circle.
a. Make a list of your dissatisfaction, complaints and all the things that you dislike about the other
person.
b. Make a list of some of the good qualities about the other person.
c. In these lists, find out the points that have to do with physical facility and the points that have to
do with feeling.
What are your conclusions from this exercise?
 Lecture 15

Trust as the Foundation Value

We can see that the fulfilment of the relationship calls for the understanding and expressing these nine
feelings so, let us begin with the feeling of trust. Trust is “to be assured”.

Trust is to be assured that the other intends to make me happy and prosperous.

Do you feel assured when you have the clarity that the other wants to make you happy and
prosperous? Since our basic aspiration is happiness, prosperity and its continuity, so if we are clear that
the other person wants to make us happy and prosperous, we feel assured of him – that’s what is
meant by having a feeling of trust. On the other hand, if we have even a small doubt that the other
person wants to make us unhappy or deprived, we will not feel assured of him. We will have doubt and
apprehension or fear. We will have the feeling of mistrust for him.

Is this definition of trust naturally acceptable to you? Let’s not hurry to answer that, but do explore
further.

In order to evaluate trust between two individuals, we will examine eight statements. While you are
reading this, think of yourself as the first person and someone close to you as the second person – like
your mother, father, brother, sister, etc.

Let's evaluate the first set of four statements:

1a. I want to make myself happy.
2a. I want to make the other happy.
3a. The other wants to make herself/himself happy.
4a. The other wants to make me happy.

These statements are about our natural acceptance about our intention. Statement

1a – I want to make myself happy.

Is this statement true for you? Is it naturally acceptable to you? What is your natural acceptance – to
make yourself happy or unhappy?

Observation 1a – Yes, I want to make myself happy. In fact, I can see that my every action is to make
myself happy. The answer is yes. In fig. 8-1, we have put a tick mark against 1a.

Statement 2a – I want to make the other happy.

What is your natural acceptance – to make the other happy or unhappy? Your spontaneous and natural
response will be to make the other happy. However, you may have a second thought, you may feel that
it is OK to make this effort only for those who have been good to you; you may be least bothered about
strangers; and you may even want to take revenge from some. Give some more thought to this. Look
into your natural acceptance (and not your ability, your competence) and ask, given all the choice, will
you prefer to make the other happy or unhappy? Finally, the answer will be, given all the choice, you
will prefer to make the other happy.

Observation 2a – Yes, I want to make the other happy. Given a choice, I always want to make the other
happy. The answer is yes.

Statement 3a – The other wants to make herself or himself happy.

You may well ask, “how do I evaluate what the other person’s intentions are”? While we may start with
a guess of their natural acceptance, ultimately, we have to find it out. If you can see that the other
is just like you, his natural acceptance is the same as yours. If you can see your own natural
acceptance, you know the natural acceptance of the other also. But don’t assume this – find it out.

Observation 3a – Yes, it is true. As I want to be happy, the same holds true for the other as well.

Statement 4a – The other wants to make me happy.

Observation 4a – I am not so sure. We are putting a question mark in 4a on fig. 8-1.

That is the problem; that is where the doubt comes in. That is where the mistrust comes in.

Please keep in mind that all these questions are regarding our natural acceptance, our intention. They are
not about our ability or our competence. We will look into the status about our ability next and then
come back to this statement 4a, for more clarity.

Now let us look at the statements which are based on or relate to ability.
1b. I am always able to make myself happy
2b. I am always able to make the other happy
3b. The other is always able to make herself/himself happy
4b. The other is always able to make me happy

Statement 1b – I am always able to make myself happy.

Is it a tick mark or question mark? Are you able to always make yourself happy?

Observation 1b – Not always. There is a question mark.

You can see that as far as your intention is concerned, as far as your natural acceptance is concerned,
you want to be happy, always happy; but when it comes to living according to this natural acceptance,
this intention, you may find it difficult – sometimes you are able to make yourself happy and sometimes
you are not. Since we cannot say with confidence that yes, we are always able to make ourselves
happy. Therefore, there is a question mark on this statement. We can, of course, say firmly that we
always want to make ourselves happy – because that is our intention, our natural acceptance.

Statement 2b – I am always able to make the other happy.

Observation 2b – Sometimes yes, sometimes no. There is a question mark.

Statement 3b – The other is always able to make herself or himself happy. Observation

3b – Again not sure, there is a question mark.

Statement 4b – The other is always able to make me happy. Observation

4b – Now, there is a big or even a double question mark!

In most workshops that we have conducted, as far as the statements about the intention, i.e. natural
acceptance, are concerned, there is a tick mark in 1a, 2a and 3a, and there is a question mark in 4a.
When we look at the competence, at the ability, there is a question mark, from the beginning – there is a
question mark on 1b, 2b, 3b and on 4b there is a big question mark. Now, what does this indicate?

Distinguishing between Intention and Competence

(The common mistake in relationship is due to confusion between intention and competence)

Now if you try to analyse this set of responses, many things will get clarified. Look at the whole
situation. Look at your response to these statements, about your intention (natural acceptance) and
about your competence (ability). You’ll find that while evaluating yourself, you evaluate on the basis of
your intention (natural acceptance). You think that you are a good person as your intentions are good.

Refer to fig. 8-2. Can you see that you evaluate yourself on the basis of your intention?

On the other hand, when you evaluate the other, you evaluate him on the basis of his competence. You
find that he is not able to make you happy all the time. Many times, or most of the time he ends up
making you unhappy. Therefore, you think that the other wants to make you unhappy. You have a doubt
on other’s intention. When you find that the competence is missing, you have the doubt. But this doubt
does not remain limited to the competence, rather you start concluding about his intention. On the basis
of his state of the competence, you start doubting his intention!

To take an example, let’s say a glass breaks. It is made of some fragile material and such an
event keeps happening. When a glass breaks, there are two interpretations possible. If you
are the one who is involved in it, your interpretation is one way. If the other person is involved
in it, your interpretation is in a very different way. If you are involved, you say “the glass broke
by accident”. But, if it is about the other, you say “the other broke the glass”. When it breaks
by you then you say that it was by accident, it was not your intention. When the same thing
happens by the other person, you do not say the same thing, you do not say that it broke by
 accident. You say that “he broke the glass” which means he had the intention to break the
glass.

You can see that as far as your performance is concerned, your action is concerned, even if you make the
same mistake hundred times, you never doubt your intention. You feel that you make mistakes by
accident. You have a feeling that you are well meaning. You reinforce that you are good. And, mostly
you do not make effort to improve upon your competence.

On the other hand, for the other, we keep concluding that he makes mistakes intentionally. We have
this doubt on his intention. We assume his lack of competence to be the lack of intention. When we
doubt the intention, we have a feeling of mistrust or even opposition. And if we have this feeling of
opposition, we tend to get irritated; we tend to get angry and so on. We conclude that his intentions are
wrong. By doing this, we reinforce the belief that the other is bad, he cannot improve and thus we do not
bother to help him improve his competence.

Find out if this is what has been happening in your life. Find out if this doubt on intention of the other
has been a major source of problem in your relationships. Find out if this doubt has led to the feeling of
opposition, irritation or anger in you and if you stopped speaking to the other for days and weeks; or
you have broken relationships. Look back and see if you have lost friends and relatives because of this
confusion between intention and competence.

Now, if you can see that the intention of the other is same as your intention and he might be lacking
competence then your response will be very different.

One time, when we were conducting a workshop in an educational institute, amongst the
students attending, there was a student named Suresh. Two days after this discussion on the
feeling of trust, he shared his experience. He said “the previous evening when I was going to
the mess, I saw my friend rushing towards the mess. I wished him but he didn't respond. He
didn't even look at me. I was quite hurt and unhappy about it. But then, on second thought, I
thought maybe he has some problem, perhaps it is a problem of his competence, not his
intention. Maybe I should not doubt his intention on the basis of what he has done, i.e. not
responding to my greeting. So today, when I met him, I asked him what happened. I reminded
him that I had wished him when he was rushing towards the mess yesterday evening and he
did not even look at me or respond to me. He said “oh yes, when I went back to my room, I
realized that I left my wallet in the mess. I was rushing to the mess to get it back. I was in so
much of a hurry and so worked up that I did not even notice you, let alone see you wishing
me.” Suresh further shared “if I had not gone through this workshop, understanding the
difference between intention and competence, I would have doubted his intention, I would
have felt very bad, I would not have spoken to him, not clarified what happened… I would have
lost that friend. We wouldn't have talked for days or we would not have talked at all. Such a
simple thing may be a reason for break-up of relationship or create so much of a problem, so
much of tension in relationship”.

This is the common mistake that we make in relationship today. On the basis of lack of competence, we
conclude about the lack of intention of the other. When we doubt their intention, instead of accepting the
other as a relative, we have a feeling of opposition. This feeling of opposition will come out as irritation
or anger and so on. This is something which you can check in your day-to-day interaction with people to
whom you are related. Every now and then this keeps happening. In very small incidents and creating
whole lot of problems in relationship.

One of our colleagues keeps quoting this example, the example of his uncle who had a heart
attack: When the uncle came back from the hospital, I went to see him and asked “what
happened, uncle”? We are very close, so he opened up. He said oh, you know your auntie,
sometimes she says such things which are very hurting. It so happened that day his (uncle's)
 friend came from Kolkata and he wanted some financial help (cf course, for a huge amount).
Uncle decided to extend that help to his friend.

The friend went back satisfied, but auntie was quite unhappy about the incident. She said
certain things to uncle. In response or reaction to her being unhappy and what she said
seemed to be so hurting for the uncle that he met with a heart-attack.

I just asked uncle, “tell me – did you get hurt because of the words that auntie said or because
of the fact that you doubted her intention (she wants to hurt you) on the basis of what she
said”? He said, “because of the words”. I said, “okay. Let me ask another question. If the same
words were uttered by someone whom you knew was mad, would you have got hurt”? He said
no. I said, “okay. Let me ask this question again. Were you hurt by the words that she said or
because you started doubting her intention on the basis of what she said? And therefore, you
had a feeling of opposition in you for her”? He was silent for a few minutes and then he said,
“yes! What you are saying is making sense”.

This is what is happening. Uncle and auntie belong to a highly respected family in a city in
North India. They have been leading a married life for fifty years, but they still have doubt on
intention of each other and such small incidents can cause the doubt on intention. With a doubt
on intention, there is a feeling of opposition. With that feeling of opposition, there is a hurt and
it might even damage to the extent of meeting a heart attack.

This is what keeps happening if you look at the interaction between the husband and wife; most of the
time you find that they talk as if they are fighting, as if they are at war. Because the doubt on intention is
there and that feeling of opposition is there and therefore, there is so much of irritation and anger. Start
observing in your day-to-day interaction with your friends, with your relatives, with your co-workers.

Now that we have clarity about intention and competence, let us explore this question:
If you have unconditional, continuous trust on intention, on the natural acceptance of the other and if the
other is lacking competence, what will you do?
a) Try to improve upon his competence
b) Get irritated
c) Get angry
d) Have a feeling of opposition

The answer is obviously (a). If there is trust on intention, this is the response. If you have trust on
intention of the other and if you find that the other is lacking competence, you will try to improve upon his
competence. On the other hand, if you have doubt on intention of the other, (b), (c) and (d) will happen.
You will get irritated or angry or carry a feeling of opposition. That is the reaction out of your doubt on
intention of the other.

a) try to improve upon his competence Trust on Intention  Response

b) get irritated
c) get angry Doubt on Intention  Reaction
d) have a feeling of opposition

The action may be same, on the part of the other; but your response or reaction depends on you, your
perception. If you have trust on intention, you will respond in terms of trying to improve upon the
competence of the other. On the other hand, if there is doubt on intention then you will react in terms of
getting irritated or angry or carrying a feeling of opposition.

Now with these indicators, find out how many people are there in your life on whom you have trust on
intention (natural acceptance) which is unconditional and continuous. In order to check this, find out the
names of those people with whom you do not get irritated, you do not get angry and you do not
have the feeling of opposition, even for a moment, even if they keep committing mistakes over and over
again.

Most of the time, we find the answer to be ‘none’! This is a serious matter – in relationship between
husband and wife, father and son, between friends and so on. It indicates lack of trust on intention.
Further, we seem to be doing nothing much to address the issue. Hardly anyone is paying attention to
understanding relationship and in developing their competence to live in relationship. We can see that
people keep doing things they don’t mean to. They don’t want to get angry (intention), but end up getting
angry (lack of competence).

The question about how many people we have unconditional trust is a very fundamental question. It is
an indicator of how much you have understood relationship, how much acceptance you have in
relationship from your side. This will tell you exactly how many people you have been able to accept as
being related to you (the moment there is doubt on intention of the other, instead of feeling related to the
other, you feel opposed to the other, so those names will not be in the list). Now, from here you can start
working to develop your understanding about relationship and be able to live with feelings which are
mutually fulfilling, from your side.

Of course, there may be many questions and doubts; because this is in sharp contrast to what is
prevailing in the society today. Generally, we don’t make a distinction between intention and
competence, so we are not paying attention to the intention (natural acceptance) at all. As a result, the
word trust gets used only to indicate the level of competence (or lack of competence). With such an
assumption about trust, the feeling of acceptance is almost completely missing; rather there is a feeling
of opposition. With that, we reinforce assumptions like:
 Strangers can’t be trusted – Every human being, including strangers, have the same natural
acceptance. However, the competence may or may not be present. For a stranger, we may need time
to evaluate their competence (but not to know their natural acceptance).
 Trust is developed over a long time – true for competence, but is it true for trust on natural
acceptance (intention)?
 Never trust anyone blindly – we need to have trust on intention (natural acceptance), and
evaluate their competence before making a programme with them – we will discuss this in detail
next.

Feelings which are based on incidents are indefinite; they are conditional and not continuous. Basing our
relationship on incidents is another major mistake that we keep making today. If we try to base our
feelings and our relationship on the basis of incidents, it does not work because these incidents depend
on our mutual competence, my competence as well as the competence of the other which may be
fluctuating and therefore, it might lead to lack of continuity in the fulfilment in relationship.

On the other hand, when you are able to understand your own natural acceptance, you can conclude
about the natural acceptance of the other. You want to be happy and make the other happy, but you
may have lack of competence. The other also has the same natural acceptance and (s)he also may be
lacking in competence, just like you. When we have this clarity, we can have that trust on intention at the
base of our relationship. That is what we want to explore in more detail now.

Let us recall, from chapter 6, that our intention is the same as our natural acceptance. On the other
hand, competence is what we are – the collection of all desires, thoughts and expectations, i.e. all of our
imaginations. Since desires may be coming from preconditioning, sensation as well as natural
acceptance; desire is not necessarily the same as intention. Only some part of the desires that are
coming from natural acceptance are our intention, the others may or may not be our intention (refer to
fig. 6-6 in chapter 6). For instance:
 Our natural acceptance (intention) is to be happy and make others happy, but we may have a desire
for taking revenge!
  We keep getting hurt by the behaviour of others and we keep hurting others with our behaviour. We
don’t have a natural acceptance for it, but it is a part of our desire!

Competence includes all the desires, thoughts and expectations (from all three sources). The intention
(natural acceptance), on the other hand, is always same – to be happy and make the other happy.

Trust on Intention

Trust is to have the clarity that the other intends to make me happy.

With this background of exploration, (refer to fig. 8-3) let us look back at these four statements again
and find out whether there will be a question mark or a tick mark in 4a.

Statement 4a – The other wants to make me happy. What do you now think? What is the natural
acceptance of the other – To be happy and make others happy or to be happy and make others
unhappy?

Observation 4a – As far as the intention is concerned, as far as the natural acceptance is concerned, the
other wants to be happy and make others happy. That would be the observation.

This is interesting. Any and every person wants to be happy and make others happy, as far as their
natural acceptance is concerned. This natural acceptance is what we have been referring to as
intention. When it comes to competence, the other may or may not have the competence to make
herself or himself happy and to make others happy. The other has the intention but may be lacking in
competence – we need to have this clarity in ourselves.

In order to have this clarity about the natural acceptance of the other, what you really need to explore,
investigate and find out what exactly your own natural acceptance is. This is written in statements 1a
and 2a. You can investigate within yourself and find out whether you want to be happy yourself and
whether you want to make others happy. You can find out what your natural acceptance is. You will see
that you do want to be happy and you do want to make others happy – that is your natural acceptance.
So 1a and 2a are both true.

With the clarity that the other person is like us, now, we can conclude that he also wants to be happy
and make others happy. We can directly verify this from the other as well. However, from our
observation about our own natural acceptance, we can conclude about the natural acceptance of the
other and, in fact, for every other human being. Basically, 3a is a reflection of 1a when I am looking
from the other side and 4a is a reflection of 2a. Therefore, I can see if 2a is correct, so is 4a. It will also
be correct. The natural acceptance of the other is the same as my natural acceptance – to be happy
and to make the other happy.

This is the crux. If I can evaluate myself on the basis of my natural acceptance (intention) and I can
evaluate the other on the basis of his natural acceptance (intention), I will have trust on intention of
every human being. Because, deep down everyone wants to be happy and make others happy. Trust on
intention is founded on the understanding of human being and the natural acceptance of the human
being; it would be definite, unconditional and continuous for every human being.

Find out if you are able to see this and have trust on intention of everyone.

With the trust on intention of the other, we can evaluate our intention as well as the intention of the
other; our competence as well as the competence of the other. Then the interpretation of the same
incident will change significantly. Now we will be able to say that the glass broke by accident – for
ourselves as well as for the other. We can see that we did not have the intention nor did the other has the
intention; but because of lack of competence or by some accident the glass has broken.

Now I can see that when I make a mistake even once I am clear about my intention; I know the mistake
is due to lack of competence, not a lack of intention and therefore, I make effort to improve upon my
competence. I am willing to understand and learn. When I see the same instance happening with the
other, even if the other makes the same mistake hundred times, I am clear about his intention. I know the
mistake is due to lack of competence, not a lack of intention and I make effort to help improve his
competence with a feeling of relationship.

This is important that I am trying to improve upon his competence, trying to help to improve upon his
competence with a feeling of relationship. When I am doing this with a feeling of trust, I can see that he
may have difficulty in understanding and also, I may have difficulty in explaining. When I am trying to
explain and he is not able to understand, I do not doubt his intention to understand. I can see that he is
finding it difficult to understand because of lack of his competence and it might also happen that I am not
able to explain properly because of lack of my own competence. If I can see that, I will try to improve
upon my competence and I will try to improve upon the competence of the other. And if I am unable to
do that, at least I will not have a feeling of opposition, irritation or anger.

With this background, now we can see that trust is the foundation of relationship. If I have trust on
intention of the other, I feel related to the other. As long as the acceptance of relationship is concerned; it
will be continuous, it will be unconditional and it will be definite. If I have trust on intention of the other, I
will feel related to the other; therefore, I will treat the other as my relative.

When it comes to making a programme with the other, I will have trust on intention. With that, I will
evaluate my own competence, I will evaluate his competence and on the basis of our mutual
competence, I will make a programme with him.

For example, when we are conducting a class on human values, we have trust on intention of
everyone. We have the clarity that everyone sitting here wants to know what is right and wants
to do what is right, and that they have the capacity to understand what is right. We have this
trust at the base. With this trust at the base, now we are making programme with you. For that,
we are evaluating our competence as well as your competence. On the basis of our evaluation
of our mutual competence, we are making the programme of conducting this class. We are
conducting the class in English as we found that it is a language that both of us can speak and
understand. If either one of us did not know English, and we both knew Hindi, we would have
conducted the class in Hindi.

Further, we are repeating the important points so many times, even at cost of being interpreted
as boring. But we are doing it because of our evaluation of your competence. We know that
 you take off many times during the class. By the time, we are making some point, your attention
is gone somewhere outside, you are thinking of your home, your friends and so on, and you
come back after 15 minutes; so, whatever was said during these 15 minutes, is not registered
at all. When you come back, you start searching for what is going on in the class. We repeat
the important points many times, so that at least once you will be able to hear. Find out for
yourself, how many times do you take off during the class of 1 hour – 20, 50, 100?

When we assume trust (rather than understand trust), we may assume the other has the intention and
also has the competence. That means we do not evaluate the competence while making the
programme. If we make the programme without evaluating our own competence and without evaluating
the competence of the other, the programme is likely to fail; and we may conclude not to trust anybody!

When we understand trust, it makes all the difference – we accept the other as he is. He is just like me.
He has the intention to be happy and make me happy. His competence may or may not be matching
his intention.

This trust on intention gives a direction for our effort. While making a programme, we base it on our
evaluation of mutual competence. The programme may succeed or it may fail, but we are not
perturbed. We make effort to assure the other. We are able to re-evaluate our mutual competence for
future programs. We are committed to help the other to improve his competence, without becoming
irritated, angry and all that. We are, at the same time, making effort to learn, to improve our own
competence.

Making effort to assure the other is important. The acceptance of the other is essential before
he will even be willing to listen. Before trying to help him to improve his competence it is
necessary to assure him. To take an example, after going through this content, a student was
excited to share it with his father and he did try to share it. The father did not show much
interest. Disappointed, the student discussed his problem with his teacher. She only asked,
“whom would you like to listen to – someone who is responsible or someone who is not very
responsible”? It struck the student that his parents take most of the responsibility at home and
he usually has to be reminded what needs to be done many times before he does anything to
help at home. Over the next few weeks, he made effort to take some responsibility at home,
like getting things from the market proactively. His father noticed the change and appreciated
it. Over time, the student was able to share with his father. It is important to assure the other
in the relationship, particularly before trying to communicate something important that you
want them to pay attention to.

Trust on intention is the starting point for mutual development. That is where the relationship begins. It
is in that sense we are saying that trust on intention is the foundation of relationship.

Salient Points regarding Trust

 Trust is to be assured that the other intends (has a natural acceptance) to make me happy and
prosperous. When I can clearly see that my intention (natural acceptance) is to make myself happy
and to make the other also happy and prosperous, I can conclude that the other, who is like me at the
level of Self, also has the same intention (natural acceptance).
 I am able to accept the other. (S)he is like me – we have the same intention and, like me, (s)he may
also be lacking in competence.
 With trust on intention, I feel related to the other, and with that at the base, I make a programme based
on our current mutual competence. I make effort to assure the other. Trust is the starting point of
relationship, of mutual development.
 Relationship is founded on trust. In the absence of it, we do not feel related to the other and the
relationship keeps shaking. A common mistake in relationship is to evaluate myself based
 on intention and evaluate the other based on competence. If we go by this, we assume
ourselves to be good and the other to be the problem.

Test Your Understanding regarding Trust

Part 1: Questions for Self-evaluation

(Have we grasped the basic proposals made in this chapter?)

1. What is the proposal for the definition of trust? Illustrate the feeling of trust with one example,
preferably from your own experience.
2. Distinguish between intention and competence. What is the outcome when we confuse between the
two and we doubt the intention of the other? What is the outcome when we are able to see them
separately and we trust the intention of the other?
3. ‘If I trust the intention of everyone, people would take undue advantage of me’. Is this statement true
or false? Explain.
4. How is trust the foundation value of relationship?
5. Distinguish between reaction and response with the clarity of feeling of trust. Give one example of
each for a particular case of relationship.
6. Distinguish between intention and desire. Take at least one example.

Part 2: Practice Exercises for Self-exploration

(To help connect the content to one’s life, at least at the level of thought, these exercises may be done
individually or in a group, particularly with friends and family members)

1. Take the eight questions regarding evaluation of trust. Evaluate them for each person in your family (later
you can extend it to your friends also). How many people are there with whom you have an unconditional
feeling of trust on intention (which is continuous)? How many people are there with whom you never get
irritated, angry and you never have a feeling of opposition? How many people are there with whom you
are making effort for mutual development?

2. Do you like people to accept you? i.e.

a. To accept you with all your possibilities as a human being (your natural acceptance)
b. To accept you with your strengths and weaknesses (your current level of competence)
c. To help you to overcome your weaknesses (to help you develop your competence)
Are there people in the family from whom you do not have this expectation? Is there anyone in
the family who is unlikely to have this expectation from you? Do you always accept the others in
your family in this manner?

3. Reflect on few instances where you got irritated or angry with someone. What was the result of it? Can
you recollect that you had a doubt on their intention? Try to call and share your reflections with one or
more of them. What is your observation from this exercise.

4. For you, is it essential to understand relationship, at least to understand the feeling of trust and to have the
feeling of trust? Exactly what effort is required to understand trust? Are you making this effort?

5. Watch the short film “Right Here Right Now”, directed by Anand Gandhi. The
film may be downloaded from:
Part 1: [Link]
Part 2: [Link]
Observe the interactions the characters are having with each other. List ten of these interactions,
along with your observations – is it a reaction or a response and why. Write down the indicators
of responsive behaviour and reactive behaviour. Try to connect it to the activity of the Self.
 6. List out ten or more of your interactions with other people in your family in the last one week. What
percentage of these interactions were response from your side? Take one instance of reaction and one
instance of response and share it in detail. Comment on whether you were comfortable within or
uncomfortable for both instances.
If responsive behaviour is desirable for you, outline the effort required.
 Lecture 16

Respect as Right Evaluation

With the feeling of trust in us, we can explore into the feeling of respect. Let us see, when do we feel
respected? How do I respect others?

The proposal is: Respect is right evaluation.

Respect means right evaluation. It is as simple as that. When we are rightly evaluated, we feel
respected. When we are not rightly evaluated, we feel disrespected.

You might find that this is quite different from what is generally considered respect, isn’t it? It is true that
we are engaged in many activities to get attention, to appear to be different or special. To be in the
newspaper or magazine, to win awards, to be in a class notes of records we are climbing up mountains,
diving into the ocean depths, jumping from aeroplanes, wearing all sorts of clothes, getting special
hairdos, growing our hair, shaving of our heads, tattooing our bodies and so on. The list is almost
endless. Even on an everyday basis, we do so many things to be in the good books of parents, teachers,
friends and work colleagues. What is your state when you are involved in such activities – are you
comfortable within or uncomfortable within? Also, what do you think all this brings – some temporary
attention or anything more than that? Does it ensure acceptance for you in the other? Think about it.
Respect is simply the right evaluation.

Over Evaluation, Under Evaluation and Otherwise Evaluation Leading to Disrespect

However, when we look at what we are doing today in the name of respect, it is mostly:
Over evaluation – evaluating for more than what it is
Under evaluation – evaluating for less than what it is
Otherwise evaluation – evaluating for other than what it is

For example, when you are happy with a child, you start saying that he is great, he can do
anything. Is it a right evaluation or over evaluation? Yes, it is an over evaluation. If you are
angry with him for some reason, you say, he's good for nothing, he cannot do anything. Is it a
right evaluation or under evaluation? Yes, it is an under evaluation. If you are really very angry
with him, you say he is a donkey. You are not even willing to consider him as a human being.
He is a human being and you are evaluating him for donkey, for an animal. This is otherwise
evaluation.

If we look at our day-to-day interaction, day-to-day behaviour, we generally tend to do one of these
three – over evaluation, under evaluation or otherwise evaluation. If any of these three is done, the
other person feels uncomfortable, disrespected. Check for yourself in every interaction with others
whether it is respect or disrespect, i.e. is it right evaluation or one of the three (over, under or otherwise
evaluation)?

This is exemplified by an incident related by one of our colleagues: I went to one of my friends’
house. Somehow the wife was unhappy with the daughter. She started saying look at this girl,
she does not do anything. She said that two or three times. I said, she must be doing
something at least. How can someone do nothing? But she was insisting that her daughter
does not do anything. After sometime, the daughter got very angry and she reacted. She said,
‘what I am not doing. I am cooking food for everyone in the morning before going to the college.
I go to college, come back in the evening and cook dinner for everyone; what else do you want
me to do’? At that time, she was studying in an engineering college in 3rd year. The mother
was still saying, ‘she does not do anything’! This is not something rare. If you are unhappy
with someone, angry with someone, you say she’s good for nothing, useless. But she’s not
useless. I mean she is doing some things and she is not doing other things. If you are happy
it’s the other way around. You could start saying this girl is great, she is doing so much, she’s
taking care of the house and she’s studying and also doing well in studies!
We can see so many examples around us. Most of the time, do we do right evaluation or under, over or
otherwise evaluation? If it is your child, you look at it one way; if it is someone else’s child you look at it
differently. This is what we end up doing. But why do we do this? It is because our very basic
understanding or basic assumption about human being has gone wrong.

Refer to fig. 8-4. As long as I don’t have my own right evaluation (based on right understanding of
human being), I can’t do right evaluation of the other. Over and above that, this over-evaluation tends to
ego, and under-evaluation or otherwise evaluation to depression; whether I am the one doing my own
over/under/otherwise evaluation or someone else is doing it. When I am in ego, my behaviour with the
other is likely to be reactive and not mutually fulfilling. Similarly, when I am in depression, I am unhappy
and tend to make others also unhappy.

One of the many examples of this is the case of an ordinary family consisting of the parents
and three children; an elder daughter, a middle daughter and a youngest son. The middle
daughter had recently joined B. Pharma – she was the first female child to join a professional
course in their extended family or community. This made the parents very proud. When a
guest would come home, they would introduce the middle daughter with big words – “she is
our pride, the shining star of our family”, etc. At the same time, they would generally ignore
even to introduce the elder daughter. They would ask her to make tea for the guests. And the
youngest son was introduced as a donkey doing very poorly in school – he was in class seven
at that time. Now what do you think – are the three children being rightly evaluated or not? Are
they being respected or dis-respected? Like this, the middle daughter goes into ego, bosses
on her own sister and brother; and at her college also she is unable to make friends. The elder
sister and younger brother complain to the parents. The parents notice the haughty behaviour
of the middle daughter and reprimand her “this joining B. Pharma has gone to your head – you
better behave properly otherwise…”. Now the girl is down, in depression. In the family of five,
she feels that she is on one side, while the other four are on the other side. She feels lonely
and is unable to focus on her studies. This ego-depression cycle keeps going on for this girl.
Who is responsible? (It is in such situations that people take to alcohol, drugs and even
suicide).

These sorts of incidents are happening all around in the families. Now what is the solution? One needs
to do right evaluation. Right evaluation of oneself will lead to being self-referential, rather than being
dependent on others for evaluation. Right evaluation will lead to self-confidence that is not shaken up
by others. This sort of self-confidence is absolute. When the other over/under/otherwise evaluates me, I
will not be affected; rather I will be able to affectionately contribute to helping the other to set right their
evaluation of me.

Minimum Content of Respect – The Other is Similar to Me

If we want to do right evaluation, how do we go about? Let’s look at this.
The first question is when we are trying to do the right evaluation; will it be on the basis of Self or on the
basis of Body? Based on what has been discussed so far, try to explore the differences and similarities
at the level of the Body and also at the level of the Self.

To do the right evaluation, we have to do it on the basis of Self. However, when we are presuming that
human being is equal to Body and we have no clarity about the Self, there is no possibility of evaluating
on the basis of Self. The very basis of right evaluation is not there. If we don’t understand the Self, the
right evaluation is not possible. That has been the trouble.

Now that we have clarity that human being is co-existence of Self and Body, we can think in terms of
evaluating the human being on the basis of Self, and ensuring the right evaluation. If we go about doing
this, let’s see these three things:

1. Our purpose is the same – I have a natural acceptance to live with continuous happiness and
prosperity. That is my purpose. The other also has a natural acceptance to live with continuous
happiness and prosperity. That is the purpose of the other. So, on the basis of our natural acceptance,
we have the same purpose.

2. Our program is same – My program to achieve continuous happiness and prosperity is to

understand the harmony and live in harmony at all levels of my being (from human being to the entire
existence). The program for achieving his purpose, the program of the other is also to understand the
harmony and live in harmony at all levels of being. In that sense, our program to fulfil our purpose is
also same.

3. Our potential is same – I am endowed with natural acceptance and the activities of desire, thought
and expectation are going on continuously in me. This is my basic potential (to understand, think and
do). The other is also endowed with natural acceptance; and the activities of desire, thought and
expectation are going on continuously in the other. So, our potential is also same.

When we are able to see the human being is the co-existence of Self and Body, we can see that the
other (Self) is similar to me because our purpose is same, programme is same and potential is same.
This is the minimum content of respect for a human being.

Are we able to see this similarity? Just try to find out, are we focusing on establishing that the other is
similar to me or on showing that the other is not similar to me, and that I am special? What are we
focusing on? When we are unable to see the human being as it is, most of the time we are trying to
prove that I am special, I am different.

Disrespect Arising out of Differentiation

Instead of trying to see both the similarity as well as the differences, are we primarily trying to focus on
the differences? When we focus on the differences, we try to discriminate on the basis of these
differences; and when we are discriminating, it is disrespect.

In general, what we are doing in the name of respect today is differentiating and discriminating.
One criterion for the differentiation is on the basis of body (fig. 8-5). One set of our basic criteria for
giving respect is related to body – on the basis of age, gender, race and physical strength. We keep
saying – respect elders. What about younger people? What about the children? Do they deserve
respect or not? Since we are not able to see this similarity generally, we are not able to see that
children also need respect, just as older people do. Like this, we are differentiating on the basis of age,
we are differentiating on the basis of gender. Many societies give higher priority to the male as
compared to females or vice-versa; or giving priority to white as compared to brown and black.
Similarly, we have been giving respect to those having more physical strength.

If you observe all these bases of respect, is it really giving respect or is it discriminating? And when you
are discriminating, will it lead to respect or disrespect? Of course, it will give rise to disrespect and that
is the problem today. If you see around, all these bases of giving respect are generally discriminating
which is leading to disrespect and therefore a lot of dissatisfaction, lot of opposition, lot of movements
and revolts. You can see, there is movement against generation gap, movement against gender
inequality, feminine movement, anti-racial movement and so on. All this is the basis of differentiation
and it is causing disrespect in the name of respect. Interestingly all this is done in the name of respect.

Of course, this differentiation is based on the gross misunderstanding or implicit assumption that the
human being is equal to the Body; while the reality is that the human being is co-existence of Self and the
Body. If we can realize this, we can evaluate the human being on the basis of Self and if we do that, we
can see the similarity.

The second set of differentiation is made on the basis of physical facility – on the basis of wealth and on
the basis of post (refer to fig. 8-6). The one who has more wealth is given respect over the one who is
not having as much of wealth. Similarly, the one with the higher post is given respect over the one who
does not have higher post. But these things again lead to discrimination and therefore, there are many
movements against this. There is a fight going on between the rich and the poor, people in the higher
post and people who are not having post or having a lower post. The gross misunderstanding here is
that physical facility is equal to happiness. The fact is that happiness is to be in a state of harmony, in
the state of relationship, in the state of co-existence.

The third set of bases of differentiation is what we can call beliefs (fig. 8-7). There are different isms
(thought systems like socialism, capitalism, etc.), different sects, and different set of information
available. Depending upon which particular set of beliefs you have, you are given respect or not given
respect. For example, if you belong to communism then you will respect people who belong to
communism and not respect people who belong to capitalism and so on. Similarly, if you belong to one
sect, you will respect people who belong to the same sect and not respect the people who do not belong
to the same sect and so on. Regarding the information – if you have one set of information, say, as an
engineer, you will be respecting engineers and not, for example, doctors and vice-versa. Respect is
given on the basis of the beliefs, on the basis of isms that you follow, on the basis of the sect that you
belong to, on the basis of information you have. But this all leads to discrimination, therefore, leads to
disrespect. This third basis of differentiation is founded on the main misunderstanding that if the pre-
conditioning of the other matches with mine then the other is like me, otherwise he is not like me, while
the reality is that every human being is similar to me.

All put together, this is the way we generally give respect and these are the bases of giving respect – the
Body, physical facility and beliefs (refer to fig. 8-8). You can see all this is differentiation and it is
ultimately leading to disrespect because this is something which is not naturally acceptable. When it is
not naturally acceptable, it leads to opposition and ultimately it leads to movement, revolt or to war. Can
you see this? Are we able to see that the other is similar to me or we are trying to discriminate on the
basis of all these three things which ultimately boils down to disrespect which is not naturally
acceptable?

In fact, a majority of the problems that we are facing in the society today have to do with the issue of
respect and disrespect or the issue of disrespect in the name of respect. The majority of the
movements, revolts that you see in the society today have to do with the issue of respect. One simple
feeling of respect or disrespect may lead to so many problems in the society. For instance,
discrimination on the basis of the race has created so much of problem in the society all around. If you
are discriminating between white and black, and it is just an issue of respect or disrespect; the white will
disrespect the black on the basis of this criterion, the blacks will not accept it. They will keep complaining
about it and then at some point of time it may lead to some movement, it may lead to some opposition
and it might even lead to war. So, the simple issue of over-evaluation of one and under-evaluation of
the other can lead to all this!

If we look at our day-to-day living, simple incidents of discrimination (in the name of respect) cause so
much of fight, so much of disagreement, so much of ongoing trouble. Now, if we are able to do the right
evaluation on the basis of the Self and see that the other is similar to me, many of these issues can be
resolved.

Complete Content of Respect – We are Complementary to Each Other

In addition to the purpose, programme and potential of the Self, there is the competence. The
competence means how much of the potential has been realised. One Self may have realised more of
its potential, while another may have realised less of its potential. So, in terms of competence we are
not the same, we are different.

Having understood that our purpose is same and our potential is also same, we use the difference in
competence to help each other in further developing our competence. So, we are complementary to
each other. So, being able to see that ‘the other is similar to be and we are complementary’ is the
complete content of respect.
We define our complementarity by developing a joint program for mutual development and fulfil that
complementarity. If I have not understood something and the other person has understood it, I can take
help of the other to understand it. Similarly, I can be of help to the other by helping him to understand
something that I have understood, which the other has not yet understood. In this way, the difference in
competence does not lead to discrimination, but rather it leads to mutual fulfilment.

Looking into the details of complementarity:

 If the other has more understanding, is more responsible than me, I’m committed to
understand from the other
 If I have more understanding than the other, I’m more responsible than the other, I live
with the responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the behaviour of
the other. I am committed to facilitate the understanding in the other, once the other is
assured in relationship and not before that

It is easy to see that we are willing to share and discuss with those people with whom we have a feeling
of assurance. Also, we are willing to understand from those whom we consider responsible and having
more understanding than us.

If I have more understanding than the other, then I live with responsibility with the other – without
getting perturbed by the behaviour of the other. If the other does not have the right understanding, (s)he
will not be able to behave properly all the time. If I have done the right evaluation of the other, I will not
get disturbed by the behaviour of the other, rather I will continue to behave with responsibility. In due
course of time the other will feel assured of me; (s)he will feel related to me. Only when (s)he is
assured, (s)he is willing to share and discuss. It is only then, that I need to facilitate understanding in the
other.

If we look at respect in that sense, it will mean the acceptance of the other as being similar to me at the
level of purpose, programme and potential and then defining the complementarity at the level of
competence. If I do this, it is respect. If I violate any of these conditions, it is disrespect.

Are we doing this today? Or we are just trying to discriminate in the name of respect on the basis of
body, on the basis of physical facility and on the basis of beliefs? That ultimately boils down to
disrespect.

The complete content of respect is

 The other is similar to me in terms of purpose, programme and potential and

 We are complementary to each other in terms of competence

With this background, let's make a comparison between differentiation and respect on the basis of Self.
Refer to fig. 8-9.
When we are differentiating in the name of respect, I evaluate on the basis of body, physical facility or
belief (i.e. preconditioning); I compare, compete and differentiate and I try to prove that I am different
from the other. If you look at it in the right sense, respect would mean: our purpose (natural acceptance)
is same, the programme is same, potential is same- therefore, the other is similar to me. What we are
doing today is mostly differentiation. When we're looking at the difference in competence on the basis of
differentiation, we see each other as opponents. If we are looking at the right evaluation of differences in
competence based on the Self, we are complementary to each other.

Ultimately, what we are generally trying to do in the name of respect is that we make effort to
accentuate the differences, to manipulate, to exploit the other. But, if we are rightly evaluating on the
basis of the Self, we define our complementarity, in terms of helping the other to understand. The
fulfilment of this complementarity leads to mutual development, mutual happiness.

Revisit fig. 8-9 and find out what we are generally doing. Are we differentiating or
ensuring respect on the basis of the Self?

When we look at the society today, much of the effort is to differentiate, to highlight the
differences and to accentuate the differences. We plan to make a bigger house because
we desire to show that we are superior to our neighbour. We desire to buy an exclusive, latest model car
because we want to accentuate the difference. And we think that we will get the respect out of it.
Instead of sharing the feeling of respect, we're creating differentiation which is causing disrespect which
is causing jealousy in the other or opposition in the other.

Look at marriages, for example. Earlier, people were satisfied to perform marriages in their house, then
many went to guest houses, started doing it in cruise liner ships, chartered planes and such exclusive
locale. Now people are performing marriages in a foreign country. Mostly, it is to show off, to accentuate
the differences. And in order to accentuate the difference, we may also manipulate and exploit. We
spend hundred crores for the marriage and very little of it is really necessary. Whether there will be
mutual happiness in the married life after this pomp and show is also not assured. It is just to show that
I am special and superior to the other.

With this, let us sum up the feeling of respect. What we have said is that respect is right evaluation. And
of course, it is possible only with a feeling of trust on intention. Otherwise you can't even respect the
others, can't even think of respecting unless you have this trust on intention. The over evaluation, under
evaluation and otherwise evaluation is disrespect. Differentiation is also disrespect. Respect on the
basis of Self means the other is like me and we are complementary to each other in terms of
competence and this is the right evaluation. The only difference is in our competence which is related to
our level of understanding, i.e. how much of our desire, thought and expectation is on the basis of
our natural acceptance. We discussed in the beginning that, as long as our desire, thought and
expectations are in line with our natural acceptance, we are in harmony within and therefore, we are in
a state of happiness, therefore, we have the competence to fulfil our intention, our natural acceptance.
That is what essentially counts as competence.

Fulfilling the relationship from my side leads to harmony within me. If I can understand the relationship,
accept the relationship and fulfil the relationship; it leads to happiness within me. Because I'm in
harmony within, I am thinking of relationship which is naturally acceptable to me. In the process, if the
other has more understanding than me, if he is more responsible than me, I'm committed to understand
from the other. That is the complementarity. If I have more understanding than the other, I need to be
more responsible than the other – that is the indicator that I have more understanding than the other. I
live with responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the behaviour of the other.
Further, I am committed to facilitate understanding in the other, once the other is assured in the
relationship.

Salient Points regarding Respect

 Respect is right evaluation (of intention and competence on the basis of Self). We are similar at the
level of purpose, programme and potential and we are complementary at the level of competence. I
express this complementarity as follows:
o If the other has more understanding, is more responsible than me, I am committed to
understand from the other. I make effort for it from my side.
o If I have more understanding, I am more responsible than the other,
 I live with responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the behaviour of
the other. This makes the other comfortable with me in relationship and then he has a
willingness to understand from me. This may take a lot of time.
 I am committed to facilitate understanding in the other (once the other is assured in
relationship and not before that). The communication is feasible only when the other
person is assured in relationship and is ready to listen from me.
 Disrespect arises out of over-evaluation, under-evaluation or otherwise-evaluation; and also, out of
differentiation or discrimination on the basis of body (age, gender, race, physical strength), physical
facility (post, wealth) or beliefs (ism, sect, information). Small incidents of disrespect can have long-
lasting consequences – from not speaking to each other, to opposition, struggle, break in relationship,
divorce, fights and even war.
 When I can see the central role of the Self, I evaluate myself as well as the other on the basis of the
Self, rather than merely at the level of Body, physical facility, etc.

Test Your Understanding regarding Respect

Part 1: Questions for Self-evaluation

(Have we grasped the basic proposals made in this chapter?)

1. Respect is right evaluation (on the basis of the Self). List some of the prevailing notions regarding the
feeling of respect. Examine these notions as well as the proposal for the feeling of respect.
2. The minimum content of respect is to be able to see the other person as being similar to you. On what
basis is the other similar? What is the complete content of respect?
3. Give one example each of over evaluation, under evaluation and otherwise evaluation. Why are these
evaluations leading to disrespect? What problems do we face because of these wrong evaluations?
4. How do we differentiate in relationships on the basis of body, physical facility or beliefs? What
problems do we face because of such differentiation?
5. Why is understanding of the ‘Self’ important to ensure respect? Explain.
6. How does the feeling of respect help us in defining our complementary with other human beings?
What is the expression of the feeling of respect?
 Part 2: Practice Exercises for Self-exploration
(To help connect the content to one’s life, at least at the level of thought, these exercises may be done
individually or in a group, particularly with friends and family members)

1. List out ten or more of your interactions with other people in your family and friends in the last one week.
Now analyse these interactions:
a. From your side, was it over evaluation, under/otherwise evaluation or right evaluation of the
other? In each interaction, were you comfortable within, uncomfortable within or unaware of your
state?
b. Did they evaluate you rightly or they over evaluated or under/otherwise evaluated you? In each
interaction, were you comfortable within, uncomfortable within or unaware of your state?

2. Study fig. 8-9 (the chart regarding differentiation and respect – on the basis of the Self). Where has most
of your effort been? Where would you like to put in your effort now? What effort, if any, is required from
your side now?
 Affection

Affection is the feeling of being related to the other.

When I can see that the other has a natural acceptance to make me happy and prosperous, regardless
of my competence, I am assured of the other. With this feeling of assurance (trust on intention), when I
am able to rightly evaluate our competence (respect), I am able to define my complementarity with the
other. In this way, I am able to accept the other as my relative.

Affection is the feeling of acceptance for the other as one’s relative. Parents generally have a feeling of
affection for their children. The parents are very naturally able to relate to their children, feel concerned
for them. Similarly, children feel related to their parents. This feeling can also be seen between friends,
siblings, between teacher and student, between husband and wife, or any other relationship. It is a
naturally acceptable feeling, and hence desired in every relationship. The feeling of affection is
essential for the fulfilment of any relationship. Particularly, for children, it is a necessity for their
development. The child feels secure in the early stages of development when it enjoys the affection of
its parents. The parents, though having a hectic schedule, take care of the child, and feel happy and
fulfilled in the process. But one important thing to note is that the feeling of affection can be there in
continuity only if it is based on the feelings of trust and respect. If the first two feelings are not present in
the Self, then the feeling of affection cannot be not continuous.

Lack of affection is seen in the form of opposition or jealousy. Such things too are observed in
relationships. If the feeling of affection is missing or lacking, then we feel opposed to the other and tend
to have a feeling of jealousy. This can be seen even in very young siblings. For example, if a brother is
not able to accept his younger sister, then he would not have a feeling of affection for her and he may
keep vying for the parents’ full attention. The very feeling of trust is missing, so respect is also violated.
Like this, the boy is jealous of his sister and considers her to be his competitor.

The understanding of trust, the feeling of trust as well as the feeling of respect, based on understanding
of respect, are essential to have the feeling of affection. If we assume these feelings (rather than
understand them), then these feelings keep getting violated sometime or the other and the relationship
keeps shaking.

So, the feeling of affection comes naturally, out of the feeling of trust and respect. It is followed by the
responsibility and commitment for mutual fulfilment. Can you see that?

The acceptance of the relationship and the feelings in the relationship are based on understanding.
They are not based on expectations from the other. So, parents with right understanding will have the
feeling of affection for the child in continuity. Similarly, affection between any two human beings
(between a husband and wife, between a father and son, a mother and daughter, a brother and sister, a
teacher and student and so on), will be continuous and unconditional; it will not be affected by the lack
of competence of the other only if it is based on right understanding. In general, there is always the
expectation that the other would reciprocate the feelings.

Now you can see that the other would be able to do that only if they have the feeling in them, not
otherwise; and they would have the feeling within only if they have the right understanding, not
otherwise.

As we go on, you will see that we are primarily talking about naturally acceptable feelings and rarely
talking about the feelings that are not naturally acceptable. So, when you look at these negative
emotions, they are the absence of these right (naturally acceptable) feelings. Opposition and jealousy are
indications of the absence of affection. When we understand naturally acceptable feelings, we have the
right feelings within, so the negative emotions naturally subside.
So, the feeling of acceptance of the other as one as a relative is called affection. With the feeling of
affection, one naturally takes the responsibility for mutual development – both at the level of Self as well
as at the level of body.

Care and Guidance

We can see that when we have a feeling of affection then the responsibility and commitment comes
naturally. This starts reflecting in terms of the feeling of care and guidance. They are the natural
outcomes of the feeling of affection. It can be seen in terms of
1. The feeling of responsibility towards the Body of my relative, and
2. The feeling of responsibility towards the Self of my relative.

If I have this feeling of responsibility, what will I do? I would think in terms of nurturing the Body and
protecting the Body. We already discussed what nurturing and protection of body entails. Let us
continue with the example of the parents having the feeling of affection for the child and therefore, the
responsibility of taking care of the child – both in terms of body as well as the Self. To care for the child,
they nurture and protect the Body of the child. This can be seen in most parents. Mothers are willing to
do it even if it may cause inconvenience to them. They are seen skipping their own food for feeding the
child on time, or change their complete routine of the day for the sake of the child. When the child is
small, it many a times wets the bed, or even wets the clothes of the parents. However, the parents take
such things as a part of their responsibility to continue taking care without getting irritated or angry. They
nurture the child regardless of whether the child is able to reciprocate or not, that is to say their feeling
and fulfilment is, in some sense, unconditional. This is something which is quite common. Mothers
particularly can be seen taking care of the child in terms of nurturing its body, protecting it and so on.

Care is not only expressed to the child. It is also important for elderly, infirm and sick family members
who need assistance to take care of their bodies, who need help to eat, who need help to keep their
body clean and so on.

In general, the feeling of care plays an important role in human relationship today, because the Body is
considered to be most important. When guests come to your house, the food and drink is of great
significance. They remember what was served the last time they came to your place, even more than
what was discussed!

You can see that in order to fulfil the feeling of care (commitment towards the Body), physical facility is
required. Food, water and other physio-chemical things are required for nurturing the Body. Similarly,
clothes and shelter are required for the protection of the Body. It may be useful to recall that for the
fulfilment of the other feelings, physical facility has no significant role; at most, it plays a symbolic role.

The feeling of care also makes a difference during the production, protection and right utilisation of
physical facility. These actions are done with happiness, as a part of our responsibility, when we have the
feeling of care; otherwise, they are treated as drudgery. When the mother is cooking food, with a feeling
of care, the work is joyous. However, when a hotel employee is cooking the food, perhaps with a focus of
the pay check, the work may not be joyous.

Can you see that:

Care is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for nurturing and protection of the Body
of my relative.

Now, looking at the feeling of guidance, it has to do with the responsibility towards the Self of someone we
have accepted as a relative. What can be the responsibility towards the Self? Naturally, to help ensure
right understanding and right feeling in the Self of the other. Once we can see that the other
also is co-existence of Self and Body, we become responsible towards the Self too. This is also
something that we naturally accept. Are you able to see that:

Guidance is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for ensuring the right understanding
and right feeling in the Self of my relative.

In families, we do try to guide the children to the best of our ability. We can observe how parents’ guide
the child to walk, to speak, to take care of the Body, to do household chores, etc. Similarly, as the child
grows, the domain of guidance also widens. Sending the child for education, providing advices for
betterment of the life, counselling for a successful life, etc. can be seen in most homes.

Parents and other family members pass on what they know or assume to the children. If they have the
understanding of harmony, and they are living in harmony, they are able to provide guidance to the
children in the true sense. Through it, the children also understand harmony and live in harmony.

On the other hand, if the parents themselves are not very clear about harmony, about the co-existence of
Self and Body, about right understanding and right feeling, about difference between physical facility
and happiness, etc. Then in place of providing guidance, the parents’ preconditioning gets passed on to
the children. Through that, the children may develop a mix of right and wrong pre- conditionings.

Guidance is the need of every human being, not just the children in the family.

Now if you can see this difference between the feeling of care and the feeling of guidance, we can look
back and ask ourselves that when we are taking care of the child, are we taking care of both, care as
well as guidance? Or we are largely focusing on the Body alone?

You will see that our focus is mostly on care. We are focused largely on care because we have come to
assume that human being is Body. We are not even aware of the Self. Therefore, we are not aware that
we have to take care of the Self as well.

One common example we can see all around is that of the person feeding a child. Many times,
we tend to over-feed the child or even force-feed it. Does this make the Self of the child happy
or unhappy? It is easy to see that in such a process; the Self is becoming unhappy. The child
may cry, complain and do so many things but we have devised so many ways of feeding the
child. We may even frighten the child or give lucrative incentives to it. We may keep saying, if
you don't eat a crow will eat up your food or a policeman will take you away or after you eat,
you will get a chocolate and so many other things. In one of the workshops, a mother was
sharing that she bought a plastic lizard. When the child is given food, she tells it that the lizard
will bite you if you don't finish your food. While doing all that, are we creating a conducive
condition for the Self or violating the Self? We are focusing on the Body at the cost of the Self.
If we are over-feeding the child, we are not even taking care of the Body.

There can be harmonious ways to feed the child. If we can see that the child too has a natural
acceptance to nurture its body, we can have a conversation. If we can see that the Self of the
child is just like ourselves – we will be able to see it wants to be treated at par with us; it wants
to have proposals in place of prescriptions; and given all that, it wants to decide on its own.

Every human child has a natural acceptance to understand what is right and do what is right; it can
understand, it is ready to take help to understand and it makes effort for it on its own. A parent or a
teacher can help to fulfil that need with the feelings of trust, respect, affection, care and guidance for the
child.
 Reverence
Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for excellence.

What we are proposing is that excellence is to be in a state of continuous happiness (see fig. 8-10).
This calls for understanding harmony and living in harmony – at all levels of our being. Once we
achieve excellence, it continues. Excellence is something definite, something absolute.

If someone has achieved this state of excellence, we naturally have an acceptance for such a person.
This feeling of acceptance for excellence is called reverence.

We all aspire for continuous happiness. In that sense, we all aspire for excellence. Since the revered
person has achieved excellence, we would naturally like to take inspiration from such a person and
make effort to become like her/him. We are not talking about imitating someone’s appearance,
mannerisms, achievements and such. We are pointing to their realisation of harmony within and
harmony with the world outside. Our effort for excellence is called worship. We keep using this word
quite often, but the sense of worship is essentially to make effort for excellence.

There may be a confusion between the feeling of reverence and the feeling of respect. We say, “how
can we respect someone when…”, and we have many reasons. We will not have a feeling of reverence
for someone who has not achieved excellence. However, we will rightly evaluate everyone (i.e. respect
everyone), so that we can determine our complementarity with every person.

We can also try to see the basic difference between excellence and competition. If you have achieved
excellence, what would you like to do for the other? To differentiate and dominate over them or to make
effort to help them to come to your level? A little exploration will show that you naturally like to help the
other. In a state of continuous happiness, there is nothing more that you need to do for yourself.
Therefore, you would naturally make effort for helping others to achieve excellence. On the other hand,
in competition, we not only do not help rather we hinder the other to reach to our level. Remember, we
had asked you to explore how many children can come first in the class and how many children can
understand all that is being taught in the class? Now you can see that every child has the desire for and
potential for excellence. If we are making effort for excellence or helping others to achieve excellence, it
is a joyous effort for all concerned. When we are competing, say for that first position in class or to be
someone special, it is an unhappy effort for all concerned, including you! Can you see that?

You can find out if this definition of excellence and reverence is naturally acceptable to you or not. Also
find out if worship means making effort for excellence by taking inspiration from the revered person, or it
means just handing over your responsibility to the revered!

Glory and Gratitude

With this clarity about excellence, we can now define the feeling of glory as well as the feeling of
gratitude, because only in the light of understanding excellence, it is possible for us to understand both
the feelings.

Glory is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made effort for excellence.
We have a feeling of glory for people who have made effort or are making effort for excellence. So, for
all those people whom we call great people, we accept them as great people because they invested
themselves to achieve excellence. When we can accept the effort made by them, to whatever extent they
are able to achieve it, we naturally have a feeling of glory for them.

We want to have this feeling for our family elders and teachers too. We have a natural expectation from
them that they would make sincere efforts for right understanding and right living.

Gratitude is the feeling of acceptance for those who have made the effort for my excellence.

It is the feeling for all those who have helped me, in any way, in my own effort to achieve excellence. In
our life, there may be so many people who have been of help to us in the process of understanding
harmony and living in harmony. So, we have this feeling of gratitude for them. Particularly in the family, we
can see such people. We can see that the parents and others have affectionately brought us up,
provided us with necessary physical facility to nurture and protect our body.

You may be remembering your parents and elders – they have cared for you and arranged to send you
to school and college, provided the necessary physical facility and helped you to utilize it in your effort
for excellence. We can also see what the other has done in terms of fulfilling the need of the Self, i.e. to
help us in developing right understanding and right feeling. For that our feeling of gratitude continues for
a very long time. You must be remembering the guidance received from your mother, father and some
of your teachers. Like that, there may be so many people outside the family too who are involved in the
process of your development. You may have a feeling of gratitude for them too.

If you think in terms of continuity of the feeling of gratitude, it has to do more with the efforts made by the
other for your understanding and feeling. When you look at the continuity, it is only possible at the level
of Self. What the other can do for the Self is to help in facilitating the development of right
understanding and right feeling. This has the continuity. Therefore, the possibility of continuity of the
feeling of gratitude is there for effort made at the level of the Self.

On the other hand, what is being done at the level of body, in terms of physical facility, may not have
continuity. Of course, there will be feeling of gratitude for this too, but it may not have the continuity. So,
if we are only participating at the level of physical facility, then the other will have this feeling only for a
limited time. The continuity of gratitude for the physical facility, or on the basis of what has been done at
the level of body, is possible only when one has developed right understanding.

Gratitude is a significant feeling in the development of relationship. When the child can see that the
parents and the other relatives in the family are taking care of his health, they are taking care of his
happiness, they are helping him in the process of education, so, with all that he has this feeling of
gratitude. It extends to people outside the family, like the immediate neighbours, the community around,
the society, the nation and ultimately the whole world family. Because when we try to understand,
explore and find out the people who are involved in the process of helping us in achieving excellence in
the Self or taking care of our body, we find that a whole lot of people are involved, the whole system is
involved. This feeling of gratitude is significant in the development of a human being.

You can do this homework: Try to find out about all those people who are involved in the process of
ensuring excellence in you. For any small thing that you use, say food, find out where is it coming from,
who are the people involved in the process. If you are getting milk in a packet, where does it come
from, who are the people collecting and distributing it, who are the people producing it. People who are
producing milk are using fodder, grains, etc. Where is that coming from? You may try to investigate and
find out the entire chain of it and then you will see, even for the small things that you use – so many
people are involved and they're all together facilitating your nurturing and protection of the Body.
One indication of the feeling of gratitude is that we know what the other did for us. We also know what the
other could not do for us, in spite of having the intention. So, we do not have remorse for what they
could not do. In fact, this gives us a good starting list of what the next generation needs or expects from
us. So, with gratitude, we make effort for developing our competence for it.

When parents and family elders have the right understanding and right feeling, the family has a
conducive environment for the development of the child. It is a model of living in relationship. In it,
children will accept the relationship naturally, through all that is being done for them. When the family is
already living in relationship, then the feeling of gratitude in the child is the entry point for the
appreciation of relationship, followed by the understanding of relationship. However, if we are trying to
understand relationship afresh, then we have to start from developing clarity about trust. That is another
reason that trust has been called the foundation value.

A Relook at Respect, Reverence, Gratitude and Glory

Since these feelings are quite similar, let's make a little comparison for clarity. If you look at the human
goal, it is to achieve excellence. Excellence is understanding harmony and living in harmony at all
levels of being, leading to continuous happiness. It is in terms of this excellence, that we can
understand these four feelings – the feeling of respect, reverence, glory and gratitude.

Respect is there for all on the basis of right evaluation of the Self. When we do the right evaluation on
the basis of Self, we find that the purpose of every human being is the same – to achieve excellence.
Not only is our purpose the same, our programme is same and our potential is also same. In that sense,
every human being is similar. The only difference is in the competence, i.e. how much of the potential
has been realised. Since we all have the same goal, we can be of help to each other in achieving it –
that is how we are complementary to each other. We can identify our complementarity only with the right
evaluation – that right evaluation is respect. Respect is for each and every human being.

When it comes to reverence, of course the respect is there at the base. In addition to that we have this
feeling of reverence for those who have achieved excellence. From them, we would like to take
inspiration and make effort for our excellence. That is the difference between the respect and
reverence.

When it comes to glory, of course respect is there at the base, but glory is for those who have made
effort to achieve excellence. To whatever extent they might have achieved it, but they have made effort
for it. For them, we have a feeling of glory. If they have achieved excellence, we have this feeling of glory
as well as reverence.

We can see that we have respect, we have glory and then we have reverence. Since respect is for all,
so it is also there for the person who is revered. Then glory is for those who have made effort for
achieving excellence, thus, the feeling of glory is also there for the person who is revered. Of course, the
feeling of reverence is for those who have achieved excellence.

When it comes to reverence, the feelings of glory and respect are included in it. When it comes to glory,
the feeling of respect is included in it, but reverence is not necessarily included in glory. When it comes
to respect, it is for all; there is no additional qualification required.

The feeling of gratitude is for those who have made effort for my excellence, who have helped me to
achieve excellence or who are helping me to achieve excellence. Of course, respect is at the
background here also, but the additional qualification is that (s)he has made effort for me to achieve
excellence.
Initially you are able to appreciate something which is directly of help for you, but when you go on
analysing and relating to it, you'll be able to see those who have been of help indirectly also, this will
include a very large number of people as we saw.

Now, if you look at the difference between all these four feelings: respect is for all on the basis of right
evaluation of the Self, reverence is for those who have achieved excellence, glory is for those who have
made effort for excellence, and gratitude is for those who have made effort for my excellence.

In other words, we are saying that for the one we have the feeling of reverence, we also have the
feelings of glory and respect. For the one we have a feeling of glory, we also have respect anyway, but
not necessarily reverence. Of course, gratitude will also include respect and we may also have the
feeling of glory here too, but it is not necessary; it depends on whether he is making effort for
excellence or not. This is the difference between these four feelings.

Love as the Complete Value

Having talked about the first eight values, now we can talk about a value that encompasses all, and can
be termed as the complete value.

Verify on the basis of your natural acceptance, if you want to be related to none, to one, to many or to
everyone? What is naturally acceptable to you? We can see that it is not acceptable naturally to be
related to none (or to be unrelated). We can also see that it is naturally acceptable to be related to one,
and to many and ultimately, to all. The feeling of being related to one or to many is what we are calling
affection. But if you look at the full possibility of the feeling of being related to everyone – that is called
love.

Love is the feeling of being related to everyone, to all. It starts from affection, which we have already
explored. If this feeling expands and includes all, it is the feeling of love. We begin with the feeling of
affection, and we complete it with the feeling of love. That is why it is called complete value.

Love is the feeling of being related to all.

Ultimately all of us want to reach here. It starts with a feeling of being related to the other human being.
It starts with accepting the other human being, with his complete possibility (natural acceptance,
intention) and present competence. It slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings
and then to all, each and every unit in nature – human being as well as all other units in nature. This is
how it progresses. That is the meaning of love: the feeling of being related to all – human being as well
as all other units in nature.

The feeling of love is expressed in the form of kindness, beneficence and compassion.
 Kindness is to provide a resource that the other needs but for which he does not have the competence
– the other could be in need of some physical facility or fulfilment in relationship or right
understanding.
 Beneficence is to provide something that the other requires, but has not felt the need for it. For
example, he may require right understanding, but may not have felt the need for it. With the base of
the feeling of love and out of the feeling of beneficience, one may help him to develop right
understanding.
 Compassion means that one is willing to extend help to the other unconditionally, whether the other
has felt the need or not, has the resources or not – without any conditions put on her/him. One is willing
to help the other and do whatever is required in order to fulfil the relationship in an unconditional
manner. That is the meaning of compassion.

The feeling of love is for all but it is expressed for those who come in contact. This is interesting. When
you talk about the feeling of love, it is not just within the family, within the friends’ circle, rather it is for all
– those with whom you are in immediate contact as well as those with whom you are not in
contact. So that feeling is there but the expression of the feeling will take place as and when you come
in contact with the other person. Ultimately, we all want to reach this state, to have the feeling of love, to
feel related to every human being and every unit in nature. That is the complete value.

We can see that when we are able to realize this feeling of love within us, we are able to express and
share it with others. It is the feeling of love which paves the way for an undivided society.

Till then we have a divided society; because if I feel related only to people within my own family, there are
two parts of the society, those who are in my family and those who are outside my family. Similarly, if I
have feeling of affection for those in the community and not outside the community, I divide this society
into parts, my community and outside of my community.

Love is the complete value because this is ultimately where we want to reach and this is the feeling
which includes all the other feelings that we have talked about – the feeling of trust, respect, affection
and so on.

When we are talking about the feeling of love, of course this is not something which is based on
sensation. It is based on understanding – understanding oneself, understanding the other,
understanding the whole nature and ultimately understanding the whole existence, where I can see that
I'm related to every unit, every human being as well as the rest of the units in nature. It is a feeling born
out of the understanding of the existence as co-existence which we will discuss in detail in chapter 11. It
is born out of understanding of the nature and the harmony in it, and it is born out of the relationship of
one unit with another unit in a mutually fulfilling manner which we will discuss in chapter
10. Thus, the feeling of love is born out of understanding and not out of the sensation.

With this clarity of love as a feeling of being related to all which is based on the understanding of the
whole existence, we can see that love is the complete value and that is where we all want to reach.
Even if we may not be able to ensure fulfilment in relationship with even one, our aspiration is to be
related to all and ensure fulfilment in relationship for all.

Distinguishing Between Love and Infatuation

When we are talking about the feeling of love, of course this is not something which is based on
sensation. If you're talking about some feeling on the basis of sensation, this is the case of infatuation. In
this case, the sensual pleasure that is valuable for you; it is the central issue for you. Infatuation is
conditional – it may last only as long as you are able to get the sensation. Infatuation is very temporary; it
does not last for long. And once the effect wears off, then the long-term issues of feelings become
prominent.

There is a story of a teacher who went to visit an asylum. Escorted by a doctor, the teacher
was taken to the first room. There was a boy shouting and tearing his hair apart. The teacher
asked naively, “what happened to the boy”. The doctor told him that he had fallen in love with
a girl (that is to say he was infatuated with her) and wanted to marry her but was unable to.
This broke his heart completely and that made him land up in the asylum. The teacher felt very
sorry for him. Then he was taken to the next room. There was another young man shouting
and tearing his hair apart. “What happened to him”, asked the teacher. “Well, he got married
to that girl”, the doctor replied.

If the basis for our relationship is how one looks, beauty and sensation, and the feeling of relationship
from Self to Self is missing, sooner or later this is where we may end up. Not always in an asylum, of
course, but the house may become like one!

Most of the cases of adultery and divorce are attributable to lack of fulfilment at the level of feeling,
rather than any other reason. When you have the feeling of love on the basis of understanding, you are
standing (rising) in love! You are no longer falling in love. You will have the feeling of acceptance,
regardless of the behaviour of the other and will be living with responsibility in the relationship from your
side, unconditionally; primarily with the responsibility for mutual development. Over a period of time, the
other will also evolve and the feelings will start flowing from the other as well – starting with trust. It is
like there is no “best spouse”, “best friend” and so on. Rather it is what one makes out of the
relationship. With the right feeling, if one works on mutual development, almost any relationship can
blossom.

Now you can ask yourself what will be naturally acceptable to you: love (to stand (rise) in love) or
infatuation (to fall in love)? Reflect on what is generally happening now and its impact in the family and
in the society.

Right Feeling – within Myself or from the Other?

With this background, we can ask ourselves what can have continuity:
 Right feeling in myself or
 Getting right feeling from the other

Of course, when we ask like this, the answer is quite obvious that there can be continuity of right feeling
if it is from within. Only then it is a part and parcel of me. If we are expecting right feeling from the other,
we may get it sometime and not get it at other times. There is no definiteness in the feeling from others.
Also, the feeling from the other is a source of temporary excitement – it can never ensure harmony within
us.

That is what we have been alluding to from the beginning. The need of the Self is continuous
happiness. This is the complete feeling we are all aspiring for. We had given a name to the complete
feeling – the feeling of love. All the other feelings we have discussed in this chapter are different levels of
reaching to this complete feeling within.

Also, we have been pointing out that the base for right feeling is right understanding. Feeling based on
right understanding can have continuity. Feeling based on experience of events are actually only
temporary emotions. The foundation feeling of trust is based on understanding that every Self is
endowed with a natural acceptance for relationship, i.e. every Self wants every other Self to be happy.
The emotion based on the competence of the other to make you happy will keep fluctuating, because the
competence of the other is not always upto your expectation. You can see this very clearly even now
for yourself – you want to make yourself happy all the time, but due to lack of your own competence,
you are unable to do so in all cases.

Is it clear that there can be continuity of right feeling in you, only on the basis of right understanding
within you?

Role of Physical Facility in Fulfilment of Relationship

You can now see that physical facility has a limited role to play in the fulfilment of the feeling in human-
human relationship. To fulfil the feeling of care, physical facility is certainly required. It is required in a
limited quantity for nurturing the Body, protection and right utilisation of the Body – your body or the
Body of your family members.

Other than the feeling of care, physical facility only has a symbolic role. For example, you may offer a
chocolate to someone to express the feeling of affection for him. The chocolate is not affection – it is a
symbol of your feeling of affection for the other. Like that you can check the role of physical facility in the
fulfilment of every other feeling.

Response and Reaction in Behaviour

An important implication of understanding relationship, particularly trust on intention, is the clarity about
living in reaction and the possibility of living with response. To understand response, a contrast between
reaction and response is shown in the table below.
 Reaction Response
You decide how to behave based on the You decide how to behave on your own
behaviour of the other right
It depends on whether you like or dislike the It is based on right understanding and
(taste of the) behaviour of the other right feeling in yourself which are definite.
- If the other behaves properly, you also Your behaviour is always for mutual
behave properly happiness
- If the other misbehaves, you also may
misbehave
Your behaviour is decided by other You decide your own behaviour
(“remote control” is with others)
You are enslaved You are self-organised
- You have doubt on the intention of the other - You are clear about the intention of the
- You get excited or hurt by their behaviour other
- You don’t consider mutual happiness and - You are neither hurt nor excited by the
mutual development as a part of your behaviour of the other (their behaviour
responsibility in the relationship is an input to rightly evaluate their
competence)
- You take responsibility for mutual
happiness and mutual development

Your conduct is indefinite Your conduct is definite

Understanding Justice
With this background, we can now talk about justice in relationship. Each one of us aspires for justice in
every relationship and at every moment. Isn’t it? Now we will sum up the discussion above with a brief
discussion on the proposal for justice:

Justice is the recognition, fulfilment and evaluation of human-human relationship, leading to

mutual happiness.

To expand it a bit:
 Recognition of relationship means unconditionally accepting the relationship. Accepting the other
with their full possibility (potential) and with their current level of competence.
 Fulfilment of relationship means
o Ensuring the naturally acceptable feeling in oneself and sharing it with the other.
o Living with responsibility with the other unconditionally. This makes the other
comfortable and assured.
o Making effort for mutual development, i.e. development of one’s own competence and being
of help to the other in developing their competence.
 Evaluation means verifying that the right feeling has reached to the other and that the other is able to
make out that it is the right feeling.

One has to gain competence to live with justice in the relationships in continuity. When the
recognition, fulfilment and evaluation is right from my side, I feel happy. When the other is able to
evaluate the expression of my feeling rightly, then (s)he also feels happy. Developing this
competence may take time.

Thus, mutual happiness may sometimes result instantly, and sometimes may take some time
when one of the persons is yet to gain competence. But if neither of the two is competent, justice
will not take place. If one is preconditioned or is trying to draw happiness through sensation,
neither will he be able to ensure happiness for himself in continuity nor will the other. When you
are able to look at justice with so much preciseness, you will be able to see why there is so much
 problem in relationships today. Many times, we start by the wrong recognition of the feelings and
the very possibility of justice is forsaken.

To take an example, if we have assumed that there is struggle for survival, we will start with a
feeling of opposition (jealousy). With this wrong feeling, howsoever hard we try for fulfilment in
relationship, ultimately it will land us up into competition, opposition, fights and even war. There
could be many such wrong assumptions leading to wrong feelings in us that retard the possibility
of justice.

But the good thing is that once we develop the competence for justice, then establishing and
maintaining relationship will become a smooth process; and this is a big achievement in itself, isn’t
it?

In this way, it leads to mutual happiness. This, in a nutshell, is the meaning of justice. Is this definition of
justice naturally acceptable to you? Is justice desirable? Find it out.

Here is an interesting example of a lawyer who found this definition made sense. He happened
to come for one of our workshops at a well-known institute. Touched by the discussion on
justice, he decided to experiment with it in his practice. At that time, he was dealing with the
divorce proceedings of a young couple, one of whom was a PhD student at the same institute.
He called them up and requested, rather suggested to them to attend this workshop, saying
“we will proceed after you go through what they have to say. Pay attention to it”. They came
for the workshop. The girl could get a feel of her responsibility towards relationship and wanted
to withdraw her divorce paper, “he has made mistakes, but I have also made some, so let me
try again, sincerely”. The boy was adamant and asked for the divorce to go through. “You did
not pay attention. Go and listen again”, the lawyer advised. “I am paying you. Please go ahead
or I will go to some other lawyer”, the boy argued. The lawyer told him to go ahead, but he
would have to get the papers signed again by the girl. Since she had realised her part, and
decided to try again, the lawyer said, “I won’t give her signed papers to you”. Frustrated, the
boy went for the workshop a second time. This time he also saw both sides, her mistakes as
well as his mistakes. These two are still married, have become good friends by now, happy to
help each other develop. Of course, they realised that they had a long way to go, but now they
are working out how to solve the problems, rather than to just complain about them. What do
you think happened to the lawyer? Not surprisingly, he has developed a great reputation of
being helpful – nobody wants broken relationships. His practice is gaining acceptance.

Find out whether you have natural acceptance for justice within the family? Check in how many
relationships within your family you are able to ensure justice from your side. Remember, the mark of
justice is mutual happiness.

When we reflect on it, we can easily see that we have an expectation for justice well beyond the family.
We expect that everyone will behave properly with us and we also tend to behave well with everyone in
general. Deep within, our natural acceptance is for justice from family to world family – justice in the
family as well as justice with every human being. That is how we want to live!

We have a natural acceptance for an undivided human family, i.e. an undivided society. That is the
meaning of harmony in the family.

My Participation (Value) in My Family

(To Make Effort for Harmony in the Family)

The important issue in the family is that of the feelings. These feelings are in one Self for the other Self.
My participation (value) vis-à-vis my family is to ensure harmony in the family, ensure mutual
happiness, ensure justice in the family by way of:
 Ensuring the right feelings (trust, respect, affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude and love)
in myself – this leads to my happiness.
 Expressing (sharing) these feelings with the other – when the other is able to make the right evaluation
of these feelings, it leads to hi(s)her happiness, thus leading to mutual happiness. My participation is
to be of help to the other in their self-evolution, self-development.

With this preparation in the family, I have the ability to participate meaningfully in the larger society – in
the neighbourhood, in the community and so on. When I am able to recognise and accept relationship
in its fulness, I find that all human beings are part of the family. This feeling of acceptance is called love;
and it is expressed in the form of compassion. This is my participation (value) vis-à-vis my family.

Salient Points
 Harmony in the family has to do with acceptance of the other human being and ensuring the fulfilment
of the naturally acceptable feelings in relationship. To live with fulfilment in relationship, it is essential
to understand relationship. Assuming relationship without understanding does not work.
 Relationship is – it already exists between one Self (I1) and the other Self (I2).
 The base of relationship is feelings – in one Self (I1) for other Self (I2). Feelings are fundamental to
harmony in the family, i.e. in human-human relationship.
 Except for the feeling of care, physical facility has a symbolic role in expressing the feelings (majority
of complaints in relationship are due to lack of fulfilment of these feelings and no amount of physical
facility can compensate for it).
 These feelings are definite, so they can be understood. There are nine naturally acceptable feelings in
relationship – trust, respect, affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude and love. Having
these feelings in me ensures my happiness. Since they are naturally acceptable to the other also,
sharing these feelings with the other leads to their happiness, thus to mutual happiness.
 Feelings born out of the understanding of relationship are unconditional and continuous. Feelings or
emotions based on incidents / happenings are conditional and temporary. Negative emotions are
basically the absence of right (naturally acceptable) feelings.
 Justice in relationship is understanding relationship, acceptance of relationship, having the right
feelings, fulfilling these feelings followed by the right evaluation of these feelings, leading to mutual
happiness:
o Having the right feeling in myself leads to my happiness
o Expressing (sharing) these feelings to the other and its right evaluation leads to his/her
happiness
 Expecting to get these feelings from the other (instead of ensuring these feelings in oneself) cannot
be ensured in continuity.
 Trust = to be assured = to be assured that the other intends (has a natural acceptance) to make me
happy and prosperous. It is the foundational feeling (value) in relationship. In the absence of it, we do
not feel related to the other and the relationship keeps shaking.
 Trust (on intention) means that:
o I am able to see that as far as the intention (natural acceptance) is concerned, it is to make
the other happy and prosperous. This is true for me and true for the other. We are similar, we
are related to each other and we have a common intention.
o I am able to see that as far as competence is concerned, I am lacking in some areas and that
is true for the other also. I make a programme based on my evaluation of our mutual
competence (I do not assume that our competence is perfect, same as the intention).
 o In case the other is lacking in competence, I assure the other, without getting irritated, angry
or having a feeling of opposition and once the other is assured, I make effort to help the other
to improve his competence, to the extent I can.
o I am always making effort to improve my own competence.
 A common mistake in relationship is to evaluate myself based on intention and evaluate the other
based on competence. If we go by this, we assume ourselves to be good and the other to be the
problem.
 Respect = right evaluation (of intention and competence). Respect, on the basis of Self means the other
is like me in terms of purpose, programme and potential of the Self and we are complementary to
each other in terms of competence. If the other has more understanding, is more responsible than me;
then I am committed to understand from the other. If I have more understanding, I am more
responsible than the other; then
 I live with responsibility with the other, unconditionally, unperturbed by the behaviour of
the other. This makes the other comfortable with me in relationship and then he has a
willingness to understand from me.
 I am committed to facilitate understanding in the other (once the other is assured in
relationship and not before that). The communication is feasible only when the other
person is assured in relationship and is ready to listen from me.
 Disrespect arises out of over-evaluation, under-evaluation or otherwise-evaluation; and also, out of
differentiation or discrimination by making comparison of body (in terms of age, gender, race, and
physical strength), physical facility (in terms of post, wealth) or beliefs (in terms of ism, sect,
information).
 Affection is the feeling of being related to the other. One naturally feels related to the other only when
there is feeling of Trust and Respect in oneself for the other. Feeling of jealousy or opposition is
basically the absence of affection. Responsibility and commitment for mutual fulfilment in the
relationship emerges from affection. Thus, I take the responsibility for the Self as well as the Body of
my relative.
 Care is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for nurturing and protection of the Body of my
relative. Physical facility, in a limited quantity, is needed to fulfil the feeling of care.
 Guidance is the feeling of responsibility and commitment for ensuring Right Understanding and Right
Feeling in the Self of my relative.
 Assuming human being to be the Body results in being largely focused on care of the Body and lack of
guidance toward the Self.
 Reverence is the feeling of acceptance for Excellence. Excellence means understanding harmony and
living in harmony at all levels of being (individual, family, society, nature/existence), thereby, living
with continuous happiness.
 Glory is the feeling for those who have made effort for excellence. They may or may not have attained
excellence in completeness.
 Gratitude is the feeling for those who have made effort for my excellence. In the process, they may
have shared proposals for right understanding, communicated right feeling or made available the
necessary physical facility.
 If you make a list of people involved in providing you right understanding, right feeling and physical
facility, it will be a long list ultimately including almost all the people on the Earth. Thus, you will be
able to see the interconnectedness, relatedness with all other human beings and it slowly develops a
feeling of gratitude for the society as a whole.
 Love is the feeling of being related to all. It all starts with identifying that one is related to the other
human being and it slowly expands to the feeling of being related to all human beings and then to all,
each and every unit in nature (human being as well as other units). The feeling of love is there for all and
it is expressed to those who are in contact, in the form of compassion. It is unconditional and continuous.
Love is the final or completion point of feeling where every human being aspires to reach and continue.
In that sense, love is the complete value.
 A common misunderstanding about love is that it is based on sensation (sensory pleasure). In fact, it
is merely infatuation.
  The feeling of love is the foundation of undivided society. With the feeling of love, there is justice
in the family and it extends from family to world family resulting into undivided society.

Test Your Understanding

Part 1: Questions for Self-evaluation
(Have we grasped the basic proposals made in this chapter?)

1. Define affection. How does affection lead to harmony in the family?

2. Explain the feelings of care and guidance.
3. What is excellence? Is working for competition the same as working for excellence? Explain with the
help of examples.
4. Distinguish between respect, glory and reverence.
5. If someone is helpful in fulfilling your needs, what feeling do you have for him? Explain in terms of
needs of the Self as well as needs of the Body.
6. Define love. How is love the complete value?
7. How does one develop right feeling – is it on the basis of right understanding or on the basis of
experience of events? Explain in detail.
8. What is the role of physical facility in the fulfilment of relationship?
9. What is justice? Is it a continuous or a temporary need?
10. What is the basis of an undivided society – the world family?

Part 2: Practice Exercises for Self-exploration

(To help connect the content to one’s life, at least at the level of thought, these exercises may be done
individually or in a group, particularly with friends and family members)

1. Make a list of people you are closely related to or friends with (in your family, extended family, community,
village, town, city, etc.). What is the relationship name that you call them by (like mother, father, brother,
sister, in-laws, co-brother, uncle, teacher, etc). Also find out the feelings expected in that relationship (like
you may expect your father to have the feeling of trust and guidance). What are your feelings for them?
Now find out if these feelings are being fulfilled. Find out what effort you need to make to develop yourself.
Relationship Feelings I expect from them Feelings I have for them
Name (Name of
person)
E.g. Ma (Usha Trust, affection, care, reverence, Trust, respect, gratitude,
Devi) etc. glory, etc.

2. In your life, there must be people who have helped you in your effort for excellence (harmony). For each
such person, write down what they have done for you.
Person Contribution – Primarily this contribution is related
What they did for you to Right Understanding or Feeling or
Physical Facility?

Find out:
a. What are the feelings you have for such people? How do you express these feelings to them?
b. Categorise the contributions as being primarily related to right understanding, feeling in
relationship or physical facility. Which category of contributions do you value most?
Now add to the list, what you expected from them, but they could not do it for you. This is a
rough list of what you value.
 What they did for you Do you have the Primarily this contribution is
+ what you expected, competence to do this related to Right
but they could not do for others in the family? Understanding or Feeling or
for you Physical Facility?

Find out if you have the competence to do this for others in the family.

3. Who are your role models? What qualities do you like about them? What feelings do you have towards
them? Do you want to be like them in all aspects (how they are as an individual, as a member of the family,
as a member of the society and as a part of nature)? What effort are you making or you need to make to
be like them?

4. Recall the scene from “Right here Right Now” where the young boy says “I love you” to Chand, after he
gives her the drawing he had made. Do you think that scene shows love or infatuation? Distinguish
between love (rising in love) and infatuation (falling in love). Discuss how some young people confuse
between the two? What are the outcomes of this? Do you feel it is essential to have clarity between love
and infatuation? If yes, suggest ways in which this can be done.

5. What could you understand about the meaning of excellence? Contrast excellence with competition. What
is the effort that you are comfortable with making – effort for competition or making effort for excellence?

6. What could you understand about the meaning of justice? Find out the state of justice in your family. Are
any steps required to ensure justice in the family? How would you extend that feeling with your neighbors,
in the community?

7. In the daily family routine, what activities are there or that need to be added, to promote harmony in the
family? In these collective activities, what are the topics that are being discussed or need to be discussed
for harmony in the family? Revise your daily routine, if you feel it is useful for harmony in your family.
[e.g. taking food together, sharing common facilities, helping each other in household chores,
sharing how the day went, sharing feelings and ideas, jointly planning the next day, etc.]

8. Update your future resume (which you started in chapter 2 and updated in chapter 5) to update the
section on family – write down the goal of your family, your responsibility in the family (regarding parents,
other elders, siblings, children, etc.) and what skills you will need to fulfil your responsibility toward your
family.

Part 3: Projects and Modelling Exercises

You may like to revisit this part of Test Your Understanding after reading through the complete class
notes once and self-exploring all the key proposals. With that, you may have some (or many) aha!
moments in which something clicks for you, you understand a proposal. What you have understood
may be expressed in various creative ways which appeal to different people. This part is for you to give
a creative expression to your understanding. Of course, you can do this in a group also. Creative
expressions may be in the form of sketches, drawings, paintings, clay models, sculptures, songs,
poems, music, dance, audios, videos, games, puzzles, stories, skits, plays, dramas, charts, diagrams,
plans, survey questionnaires, blogs, something on social media and so on. It is the story of your own life
– and it matters. While some hints are given above, please feel free to share your real aha’s in your
own way!

“Is it possible to live in relationship only with the understanding of relationship”?

“Trust on intention is the foundation of relationship”.

“Respect (right evaluation) is essential to define one’s complementarity with the other human being”.

“Ultimately, we all aspire for love (complete value), justice and an undivided society”.

“Family is the practice ground for living harmoniously in relationship”.

Part 4: Your Questions

Write down your questions or doubts in your note-book. If any of the previous questions have been
clarified by your self-exploration of the proposals so far, please mark them as answered. We would like
to discuss the questions remaining unanswered in your self-exploration.
 Lecture 17

Harmony in the Society – Understanding Universal Human Order

Recap
So far, we have explored harmony in the human being and harmony in the family. In the previous
chapter, we discussed at length about harmony in the family. It has to do with relationship. The base of
relationship is feelings – in one Self (I1) for other Self (I2). Feelings are fundamental to harmony in the
family; except for the feeling of care, physical facility has only a symbolic role in expressing the feelings.
We listed all the values (feelings) in human-human relationship and explored into the meaning of each.
We saw that trust is the foundational value in relationship and love is the complete value.

In the sequence, the next level of living for a human being is society. In this chapter, we will share the
proposal about the harmony in the society. Do verify for yourself whether this is something naturally
acceptable to you and whether this will lead to mutual fulfilment and the fulfilment of all.

We are well aware, that human families do not exist in isolation but are always in mutual co-existence
with other families in a family cluster. Also, the family relations naturally get extended far and wide. In
addition, we usually need to frequently interact with various other human beings and this forms our
immediate society. Let’s now try to understand the harmony in the society. Of course, the base of
harmony in the society is harmony in the family for which the base is harmony in the human being.
That’s why we are going in a sequence. First, we talked about harmony in the human being, which
leads to harmony in family, which further leads to harmony in society. We are trying to unfold them one
by one. Only people who have harmony within will be able to ensure a family which is in harmony.
Families which have harmony within can give rise to a society which is in harmony.

We will explore into three aspects of society:

1. The goal of human being living in society (Human Goal)
2. The system required to achieve human goal
3. Scope of this system

Understanding Human Goal

The goals of human being living in a society can be articulated as shown in fig. 9-1.

Check, if this is also your aspiration. What is naturally acceptable to you?

 Right understanding in every human being or only a few to have right understanding and others
to follow them?
 Prosperity in every family or few families to have accumulation, and others to be deprived and
dependent on the few?
 Fearlessness, based on trust and affection, in the society or a state of fear, based on mistrust and
jealousy in the society?
 Co-existence (mutual fulfilment) in nature or exploitation and domination of nature?

Find it out. Also, find out if you can do away with any one of these four goals - are all four desirable or
can we leave something out? Next, find out if all four are achieved then what else would be required?

A little exploration will show that all four goals are desirable and required, we can’t leave anything out
and nothing seems to be missing. Therefore, we can recognise a definite human goal and it can be
common to everyone living in the society. Can you see that?

The next question is that if all four are required then, from where do we need to start? Will we start with
right understanding and right feeling in the Self/individual or with prosperity in every family or
fearlessness in the society or co-existence in nature/existence?

Since the individual human being is a basic building block for the family which is the basic building
block of society, ensuring right understanding and right feeling in every individual is the first thing to do.
Families of such individuals only can identify their need for physical facility, produce more than that and
ensure prosperity in the family. Prosperous families living together in a relationship of mutual fulfilment
can ensure fearlessness based on trust amongst themselves. Such a society can ensure mutual
enrichment with the rest of the nature and it can lead to co-existence in nature/existence. This is the kind
of society we want to now explore into.

Appraisal of the Current Status

In this chapter, we are exploring into society, a social order, a way of life that is fulfilling for all,
generation after generation. At the core of it, all human efforts have been in this direction. If we see
today, some of the major achievements include:
  There is abundant availability of physical facility, like food, clothing, housing, gadgets,
instruments and equipment.
 The world has become well connected – physically, by transportation and virtually by television and
telecommunication.
 There is more sense of equality in the society through democracy. Governance changes hands
to people who are more competent by people’s vote.
 Infant mortality rates have reduced and lifespans have increased.
 Education is now a basic human right. Literacy has increased.

Today, things can be done at a pace much greater than perhaps any time in the past. However, in the
absence of a comprehensive goal and programme, rather than holistic development, there are many
problems. Terrorism, global warming and climate change, to name a few.

We can see that the root of these problems is in the wrong assumptions we have about ourselves,
about the nature, the existence and therefore, about our purpose, about goal of society and so on. With
these assumptions, the efforts are often leading to contradictions. These appear as the problems.
These are only the indicators or symptoms of our wrong assumptions.

While we are discussing the current state, it is with a view to realise the need for right understanding
and to be able to see the holistic solution in the light of it; and further, to be able to define our
participation in it, to develop the commitment for it. The understanding of the existential harmony is
essential for recognising our basic aspiration and our collective goal as a society and make effort to live
by it. In time, as we make sincere effort in the right direction at the individual level, family level, society
level, the symptoms which are due to lack of solution at the level of society will slowly dissolve. It is with
this background that we are discussing the current state.

In fig. 9-2, the comprehensive human goal is mentioned on the top. Are we working for all four of these
goals, some of them or none of them? The predominant prevailing notions of societal objectives are
mentioned in the bottom half of fig. 9-2. Are we also having such notions and making effort for them?
Let us try to find out what is the effort in the society today.

The first goal is to ensure right understanding and right feeling (happiness) in every human being. As we
discussed in chapter 4, the prevailing notion of happiness is quite different, therefore, the major effort is
for accumulation of physical facility (money) by any means and getting feeling from others. These false
assumptions are being propagated, knowingly or unknowingly, even through education, through the
parents, schools, teachers, media, friends, and the overall society.

The second goal of prosperity, is similarly replaced by accumulating more and more, as we are not able
to identify our need for physical facility, due to lack of right understanding. It is felt that if one has money,
one is prosperous. However, without having an idea of our needs, we keep on accumulating
more and more (unlimited!), and by any means. It is said that most of the money supply is in the hands of a
very few people.

With these as the driving assumptions in the society, it has led to people living with three kinds of
obsessions:
1. Obsession for consumption
2. Obsession for profit
3. Obsession for sensual pleasure

Obsession with something implies over-evaluation of that thing; considering it to be the ultimate aim of
life and that thing itself becoming the value. Obsession for consumption means to consume more and
more for happiness, be it food, clothes, house, gadgets and so on. Obsession for profit means to take as
much as possible from the other and give as little as possible with the assumption that more profit
means more happiness and prosperity. Obsession for sensual pleasure means trying to get happiness
from the sensation through the Body. For example, obesity is largely due to an obsession for taste.
Similar is the case for any other sensation. Many of the crimes in society today are due to the pursuit of
these obsessions, be it corruption, rapes or murders. It is these that we are trying to deal with at the
level of society, when their roots are in the family and individual assumptions.

Similarly, the third goal of fearlessness (trust) is replaced by domination, exploitation and fear in the
society. When we understand that the other is a human being like us, with the same purpose, etc., we
will think about mutual fulfilment in the relationship, so there will be trust in the society. In the absence
of right understanding, there is lack of trust and there is domination, exploitation and fear instead. When
we dominate, is it naturally acceptable to the other person? Today what goes in the name of business,
what goes in the name of economy is all about expansion (profit and growth) – trying to expand our
territory. Now when we try to expand, there are only two possibilities – either you expand on the basis of
domination or you expand on the basis of relationship. That is the only choice we have. Now, if you go
by domination, we all know, you have to really force upon the other person. The other person doesn’t
buy that domination or exploitation. The other person tries all the possibilities to resist or retaliate. This
ultimately results in opposition and mutual unhappiness. On the other hand, when you try to expand not
with domination, but with right feelings in relationship, your behaviour touches other people. Other
people accept you, they trust you. This, certainly results in mutually fulfilling existence. Today, instead
of trust, we have domination and exploitation in the society. When this happens, ultimately, it leads to
problems the world is facing today – opposition, struggle and ultimately, terrorism and war.

Then, our fourth goal is co-existence in nature and existence. But what we are mostly trying to do today
is mastery over nature and its exploitation. When we exploit the nature, it results into resource depletion
and environmental pollution. And there is a lot of hue and cry about it in the whole world today. It is not
that we were not using natural resources or creating some pollution a thousand years ago. The
difference today is that we are using resources at a much faster rate than what nature can produce. We
are generating so much of waste and pollution, and at such a pace, that it is beyond nature’s capacity
to absorb the waste. That is why we are confronting this problem of resource depletion and pollution. As
a consequence, there is a crisis of global warming and climate change.

Social administration is grappling with worries about the system consuming a very large percentage of
resource on healthcare to combat obesity, depression, lifestyle disorders and suicide; another large
chunk for defence, law enforcement and legal system to deal with problems in relationship; and the
seemingly unsolvable crisis of global warming and climate change to top it all. They themselves seem to
be facing frustration and depression, suffering from multiple lifestyle disorders; at the level of
relationship they are facing strife in family, divorce and isolation. Even with all the power and money,
happiness seems to be elusive. They, like everyone else, are searching for a way out. We all seem to
be in the same sinking boat.
These are some of the problems we are facing in the society. These problems are not coming from
some hitch, some lacunae or some inherent contradictions in the nature, rather they are coming from
individuals without right understanding, people with wrong assumptions and living on the basis of gross
misunderstanding.

Today, we are trying to address to these and such other problems in bits and pieces. Such efforts
results into more controls, more surveillance, more rules and regulations, more courts, more police and
defence, more jails and so on.

What is being proposed is that only a holistic solution, that takes care of all aspects and for all people as
well as rest of nature will work. These class notes is an attempt to describe a holistic solution which is in
tune with the way the nature/existence is.

The Way Ahead

There is a need for understanding the existential harmony, for recognising our basic aspiration and our
collective goal as a society and make effort to live by it. Let us go step by step in exploring the
proposals about such a human society.

Human Goal and Systems for its Fulfilment – Human Order

We have already seen that all these four goals are important and that we cannot do away with any one
of them. We have to realise all four of them.

Now, if we have to realise all four, where do we start? What is the sequence in which these four goals
can be fulfilled?

Refer to fig. 9-3. The first and foremost is right understanding and right feeling, because it ensures
happiness in the individual and also prepares the base for other three. Without right understanding and
right feeling, it is not possible to identify the need for physical facility, therefore, right understanding and
right feeling has to come before prosperity. Similarly, fearlessness can take place only with the
acceptance of relationship, with right feeling in relationship and prosperity in every family. The fourth goal
is a natural outcome of the first three. Only with right understanding can mutual fulfilment be realised.

The next question is what would be the programme to fulfil this human goal? What social systems
would be required? The social order that is fulfilling for all human beings as well as the rest of nature, is
the subject of our exploration. That is what we are calling as human order or universal human order.

Dimensions (Systems) of Human Order

With this clarity we can discuss five interconnected, complementary dimensions of human order
required for the fulfilment of all human goals. These are five basic systems of a human society:

1. Education-Sanskar
2. Health-Self regulation
3. Production-Work
4. Justice-Preservation
5. Exchange-Storage
Let us see how these dimensions fulfil the human goals:

Education-Sanskar -- (leads to)  Right understanding and right feeling (happiness) Having a
system of human education-sanskar ensures right understanding and right feeling (happiness)
which is the first goal. Of course, it has to reach every individual.

Health-self-regulation -- (leads to)  Health of the Body

Having a system for health and self-regulation ensures health of the Body. It also helps us in identifying
what is required as physical facility for nurturing, protection and right utilisation of the Body which forms
the basis for prosperity. This indirectly ensures co-existence with nature as well.

Production-Work -- (leads to)  Prosperity

Production-Work ensures the production of more than the required physical facility. The health-self-
regulation and production-work dimensions together lead to fulfilment of the second goal of prosperity
in every family. Also, if production is done in the manner which is cyclic and mutually enriching, it will
contribute to the mutual fulfilment (co-existence) with rest of nature which is the fourth goal.

Justice-Preservation -- (leads to)  Fearlessness and Co-existence (respectively)

Then comes justice which has to do with human-human relationship. If human-human relationship is
understood, accepted, fulfilled and rightly evaluated, it ensures mutual happiness or justice. Then there
is trust (fearlessness) in the society. Justice ensures the fulfilment of the third goal.

Preservation leads to fulfilment of relationship of human being with rest of nature which means it fulfils
the fourth goal of co-existence (mutual fulfilment) with nature.

Exchange–storage -- (leads to)  Prosperity and Fearlessness

Finally, exchange and storage with a feeling of mutual fulfilment, rather than a feeling of exploitation, will
be an aid in ensuring prosperity in the family and also contribute to fearlessness (trust) in society.

This is how the dimensions of human order fulfil the human goals [A Nagaraj, 2001]. This has been
summarised in fig. 9-4.

Now we will go in detail of each of the dimensions or systems; we will unfold them one by one in
greater detail.

Education-Sanskar

Education is to develop the right understanding of the harmony at all levels of being – from
self to the entire existence (individual, family, society, nature/existence).
 Sanskar is to develop the basic acceptances of the harmony at various levels.

These acceptances give rise to commitment to live with them. It also provides the foundation for
preparation and practice of living in harmony at all levels. Preparation includes learning the skills and
technology for living in harmony.

Our living is an expression of our sanskar. Our world-view, attitude, tendency, etc. are all part of the
expressions of our sanskar.

As proposed in chapter 3, the role of education and sanskar is to facilitate the development of the
competence to live with definite human conduct by ensuring all three:
1. Right understanding, i.e. understanding the harmony in the human being, in the family, society,
nature/existence, thus understanding what to do as a human being at all these levels
2. Right feeling – the capacity to live in relationship with the other human beings – in family and in the
society
3. Right skills for prosperity, i.e.
 The capacity to identify the need for physical facility
 The skills and practice for sustainable production of more than what is required (by way of
labour using cyclic, mutually enriching process)
 The feeling of prosperity

These are the three major outcomes of human education and sanskar. This process can take place
when the teacher has a feeling of affection and guidance for the student and the student has a feeling of
gratitude and glory for the teacher.

A person given human education will ensure right understanding and right feeling in himself, thereby
living with continuous happiness. He will be able to identify the need for physical facility and produce
more than what is required therefore, ensure prosperity in the family. With right feeling he will be able to
ensure living in relationship with other human being leading to fearlessness in the society. And if the
production is done by cyclic and mutually enriching process, he will also ensure co-existence in nature.

The current education is hardly working on the first one – it is mainly talking about skills, not really
paying attention to values. Instead of the right feeling, competition (feeling of opposition) is getting
promoted. Instead of skills for prosperity, skills for exploitation are getting promoted. The major focus
seems to be on accumulation of money, almost by any means.

Young children primarily learn by observation and practice. The environment at home, in the school and
the society plays a significant role, much more than the words. Children older than about 10 years or so,
continue to learn by observation and practice, but they start self-exploring, validating by their own
experience, the guidance for self-exploration becomes significant (see appendix A9-1 for details).

Since These class notes is primarily written for older children and adults, the approach of self-
exploration has been taken. We are placing the proposals for your self-verification.

Now if we recall chapter 3, we had discussed that education has to ensure the transition from animal
consciousness to human consciousness (see fig. 3-6).

You can see that living with animal consciousness means living with the physical facility as the only
priority. People living with this assumption give rise to an inhuman society.

On the other hand, education that results into living with human consciousness, education which
ensures all three things i.e. right understanding in the Self, relationship with human being and physical
facility with rest of nature will thereby result into a society which ensures the fulfilment of all four human
goals as shown on the upper right side of fig. 9-5.

The education system has a major responsibility for preparing the people and developing the society
into a living model of human society. This is an ongoing process. Once the human society is realised or
established, it is able to ensure human education and sanskar for the next generation; and if human
education and sanskar is established, it is able to prepare the people who have the capacity to
contribute to develop and live in a human society, to participate and contribute in the continuation of
human society.

Of course, formal education is an important part of the education-sanskar dimension. But, the family
and the society play a significant role in this process of education-sanskar by the inputs that the child
receives through them. On a day-to-day basis the behaviour and systems in the family, the messages
through newspapers and media; and the various festivals, functions, celebrations, significant events like
birth, marriage, death, etc. – all these contribute to the making of an individual’s sanskar.

Health and Self-regulation

We had discussed this at length in Chapter 7. We may recall a few things from there before discussing the
related societal systems.

Self-regulation is the feeling of responsibility toward the Body, for nurturing, protection and
right utilization of the Body.

Health of the Body is indicated by the fact that it is able to act according to the instruction of
the Self and the different parts of the Body are in harmony.

The feeling of self-regulation is not restraining or controlling, but rather it is identifying the
responsibility and having this feeling of commitment towards the Body for:
 Nurturing the Body
 Protection of the Body
 Right utilisation of the Body

At the level of society, we can look at the societal systems required to support, protect and enrich
family and social efforts. Some of these are outlined below.
 1. Education system – It is necessary to prepare the child in all dimensions of health, so that (s)he
develops the feeling of self-regulation and has appropriate practice to keep the Body healthy.
2. Family system – It plays an important role. Harmony in the family provides a conducive
environment. A system of appropriate intake, routine and labour / exercise, etc. is a natural part of
the family system. It will also have the skills and means to deal with minor ailments with home remedies.
It would participate meaningfully in these areas in the neighbourhood, in the family cluster and
beyond.
3. Health system at the societal level – A core part of the societal system is mainstream education.
This has been highlighted in point 1. Further, the health system would be focused on ensuring health
and on prevention of disease, rather than on treatment of disease alone. It would promote labour,
exercise and various means to keep the Body and breathing in balance. It would help to proliferate at all
levels the good lifestyle practices, particularly of intake, routine and labour, as well as home remedies
for minor ailments.
4. Medicine and treatment system at the societal level – An evolved holistic system of medicine
and treatment which is based on the essence of different systems prevailing today. It would be run as
a service with a feeling of mutual fulfilment, rather than merely as a for- profit business.

With this, if we look at the current health system, there could be a significant reduction in the burden on
it. About 80% of illnesses which are related to lifestyle, could be prevented at the level of individuals,
families, family clusters, schools and colleges. Approximately 10% of the remaining could be handled by
home remedies leaving a very small percentage of communicable illnesses, accidents and genetic
disorders that would require medicine and treatment. With this basic understanding, there can be a major
shift in paradigm.

One essential outcome of all this exploration on health and self-regulation is that we are able to identify
the definite need of physical facility. We are able to find out what is required and how much is required for
nurturing and protection and right utilization of the Body. We have briefly explored this in the
discussions about prosperity in chapters four and seven. For designing the production system, it is
essential to identify and aggregate the need for physical facility in the family, village, nation and so on all
the way to the world.

Production-Work

Work is the effort a human being does on the rest of nature and Production is the physical facility
derived from work.

The production of a mobile phone includes the mining of hematite (iron ore), chalcopyrite (copper ore),
crude petroleum oil, etc. and refining it for use in the mobile phone manufacture. Human effort is
required to design the phone, make the components, assemble them, test the assembly and in so many
other steps.

In the production of wheat, a field with fertile soil, water, air and wheat seeds are required. All these are
units in the rest of nature. In addition to these, human effort is required to till the soil, to sow the seeds,
to water the field, to remove the weeds, to harvest the wheat, to thrash it, to remove the husk, to clean it
and so on. All this work is required.

For any production to take place, two things are required – rest of nature (natural resource) is required
and human effort (work) is required.

There are two important issues related to production-work. These are:

1. What to produce?
2. How to produce?
Regarding what to produce, we have already discussed while exploring the proposals about prosperity,
health and self-regulation – we have to produce physical facility required for nurturing, protection and
right utilisation of the Body.

Regarding how to produce there are two criteria:

1. The process must be cyclic and mutually enriching – it must be eco-friendly
2. Justice must be ensured in relationship with human being – it must be people-friendly

A process is cyclic when it is in accordance with the cycle in nature. In such a process, the resources
utilised can return to their original state in due course of their lifecycle. In such a process, there is no
waste – everything produced is either in the form of a finished product, a by-product or co-product
which is used in some other process.

For example, when you sow wheat, it germinates, grows into a plant, produces multiple grains of wheat
and goes back to the soil. A guava plant originates from one seed of guava, grows into a tree, has
multiple leaves and fruits, and after certain period of time, goes to the state from where it came up. But
before it goes to soil, it enriches the soil too with its fallen leaves and fruits. Such processes are already
taking place in the nature. Our task is to understand the existing cycles in nature and utilize them to
fulfil our needs. When it comes to production, we can add some activity in between to fulfil our needs
without disturbing the overall cycle. For example, the production of jaggery is a cyclic process.
Sugarcane is pressed to extract the juice. The leftover husk is dried and used as fuel to heat the
sugarcane juice. The juice reduces to a thick sweet syrup and then dries to form jaggery. The emitted
carbon dioxide is absorbed by the leaves of the trees around. The released water vapour mixes with the
air. The ash from the fired husk fertilises the soil of the surrounding fields.

A process is mutually enriching when every unit that is participating in the process is being enriched. In
the jaggery production process, the soil is enriched when the ash of the fired husk is mixed with it, the
air is enriched by the water vapour and so on. Jaggery, with its various natural minerals and vitamins, is
nurturing for the human body. It is used in many traditional medicines in India.

Of course, justice is essential amongst the people involved in the work. We have discussed that in the
previous chapter, so we can recall that it basically means ensuring mutual happiness.

So, for a production process to be sustainable, eco-friendly and human-friendly, it has to be:
1. Cyclic
2. Mutually enriching
3. Justice is ensured with human being

Now let us look at nature. Natural processes already have these two characteristics – they are cyclic
and mutually enriching. While we will recall and elaborate this in the next chapter, we are introducing it
here because of its application in man-made processes is essential.

Just look at the soil, water, air and plants (refer to fig. 9-6). The plants are growing on soil. The soil, the
water, the air is getting converted into a plant. When the leaves, the fruits, the flowers fall on the
ground, they get converted into soil. You can see the soil is getting converted into plants and the plants
are getting converted back to soil – it is a cyclic process.

In this process of soil to plant and plant to soil cycle, the plant is getting enriched and the soil is also
becoming more fertile, it is also enriched. When the leaves, the flowers, the fruits are falling into the soil
and getting degenerated, this soil becomes more fertile. This is a cyclic process resulting into enriching
of the plant and the soil both, resulting into mutual enrichment.
You can see that this is a process which is already going on in the nature. It’s not that you have to
construct that process. What we need to do is to understand that process. We saw the cyclic and
mutually enriching process between air, water and the plant. Now when you look at the forest you can
extend it further to include animals also. Animals need water and air to survive. Bird and animal
droppings are very good manure for the plants. Animals and plants play a key role in balancing the soil-
based carbon and atmospheric carbon. If you look at this – the soil, the plants, the animals and birds all
are there in the forest. They are all related to each other in a cyclic and mutually enriching manner. The
soil is enriching the plants; the plants are enriching the animals and birds; the animals and birds are
enriching the soil. All of them are related to each other in a mutually enriching, mutually fulfilling manner.

This process of mutual enrichment is already going on in the forest. If you see among these three
groups (refer to fig. 9-7), you don't have to create this cycle of mutual fulfilment; it is already there.
Through this process, we are getting so many things from the forest – we are getting fruits, we are
getting flowers, we are getting timber, we are getting water throughout the year coming down from the
forest and so many other things. We don't have to do anything for this process to continue. It is like a
perpetual machine which is going on without our participation. It is cyclic and it is mutually enriching, as
long as human being has not made an intervention to it.

Now, let us place the human being there and see what happens (see fig. 9-8). When we place human
being, we realise that soil, air and water are fulfilling for a human being. We see that the plants and
trees are also fulfilling for human being. We can also see that the animals and birds are fulfilling for
human being. When we look at the human being, it has a natural acceptance for being mutually fulfilling
for all these three groups. If you ask yourself what will be naturally acceptable to you – to ensure mutual
fulfilment with three orders or to exploit them, you will see that your natural acceptance is for mutual
fulfilment. However, without right understanding, we are unable to be mutually fulfilling. We need to
understand mutual fulfilment, understand harmony in nature and thereby ensure mutual fulfilment from
our side. Then we will be in harmony with nature. Mutual fulfilment essentially means prosperity for
human being and preservation of the rest of nature.
Physical facility is produced as a result of human labour on the rest of nature. Through labour on the
rest of nature and using cyclic, mutually enriching processes, we can ensure physical facility in
abundance for all human beings. Natural farming (or forest-like farming) is an example of a cyclic,
mutually enriching production system. With this method, production takes place and, at the same time,
the soil also gets enriched.

In the absence of being in tune with the natural processes, we see ultimately resource depletion and
pollution.

Resource depletion is the symptom of using a natural resource at a rate which is greater than the rate
at which it is produced in nature. For example, if we use petroleum at a rate greater than the rate at
which it is produced in nature, there will be a shortage of petroleum.

Similarly, pollution indicates that we are producing something which does not return to the cycle in
nature or it is produced at a rate that is faster than the rate at which it can return to the cycle in nature.
Plastic, for example, does not degrade, it does not return to the cycle of nature for many years. Carbon
dioxide today is produced at a rate much higher than the rate at which nature can absorb, and
therefore, there is rise in the percentage of carbon dioxide, resulting into global warming.

When we understand this, we have the commitment to develop production processes which are cyclic
and mutually enriching (see fig. 9-9). The existing processes will also be appropriately updated. With the
necessary research efforts:
1. First, we have to ensure that whatever processes we have developed so far have to be converted into
cyclic and mutually enriching processes.
2. Second, we have to take care of the damage done in all these past years.
3. Third, we have to ensure the processes we develop in the future are cyclic and mutually enriching.
When we are able to ensure this, we can be sure of the fulfilment of our needs for physical facility for
generations to come. That is to say, we can ensure prosperity in every family as well as contribute to
preservation of the rest of nature, generation after generation. Otherwise, after a certain point of time,
there will be scarcity of resources.

While discussing prosperity, we had seen that it is the feeling of having / producing more than required
physical facility. This more in ‘more than required’ physical facility is not for indulgence, but for sharing
with other, to extend the boundary of fulfilment of our relationship; this in turn will help in societal
development – for the development of relationship as well as development of order at the social level,
i.e. leading to universal human order.

In traditions around the world, there are many good examples of this. In India, a certain portion of family
income, some 10-25%, was kept for the purpose of sharing. Food being made available to guests, and
to people committed for the well-being of the society, is still prevalent in most parts of India, may be in
many parts of the world, particularly in the rural areas. Many systems maintained by the society still
have arrangement of food and lodging for anyone who comes to the village or town from outside. This
is funded by the contributions of individuals and families. It was designed for societal development.
Similarly, many pilgrimage places were contributed, and are still being contributed and supported, by
individuals and families – with a view of societal development. The basic idea of volunteerism is also for
societal development. For all this, the more of the ‘more than required’ is to be utilised.

It is interesting to note that this type of allocation can help not only in societal development, but is also
very fulfilling for the individuals and families – they have the satisfaction of doing the right utilisation of
their resources. At the same time, it generates the feeling of gratitude and glory in the family and
society. In contrast, the same ‘more’ applied for indulgence, like in latest model cars and huge buildings
for extravagant personal use, degenerates the individual and, at the same time, generates feelings of
jealousy and opposition in others!

By ensuring mutually enriching production and work processes, we can ensure prosperity in every
family as well as contribute to preservation of the rest of nature.

Now one thing to note is that production may have multiple activities. In the example of mobile phone
production, we saw various activities were involved. Similarly, for production of food grain, we need
farm implements which also have to be developed and produced. To carry out the agricultural activity
smoothly, we may need a mobile for communication, a TV to learn and share better techniques of
production, etc. Then we may need activities like maintenance work at all these levels, transportation of
the raw material and finished goods, etc. which can be termed as service sector activities.

With this background, the various production activities may be organized for:
 1. Primary production – production of physical facility used for nurturing, protection and right
utilisation of body e.g. food, clothes, shelter…
2. Secondary Production – production of physical facility used to facilitate primary production.
E.g. production of tractors, weaving machinery, building component manufacture…
3. Tertiary Production – production of physical facility used to facilitate production, services and human
interaction. E.g. train, TV, mobile, etc.
4. Services – to facilitate any of the above activities. E.g. maintenance of tractors, mobiles,
software development services and so on.

You can reflect on what would be the appropriate priority order (1, 2, 3, 4? or 4, 3, 2, 1?).

One can easily see that primary production is of the first priority as it is necessary for the basic survival of
human being. Secondary production gets the second priority as it facilitates primary production, and so
on. However, in the present society, the importance given to these is just in the reverse order.

Justice-Preservation

Justice is recognition of human-human relationship, its fulfilment and evaluation leading to

mutual happiness.

We had discussed earlier that in human-human relationship, the feeling is the core issue. These
feelings are definite, can be recognised. Trust is the foundation feeling in relationship. Trust is followed by
respect, affection, care, guidance, reverence, glory, gratitude and love. Love is the complete value; this is
the feeling of being related in a mutually fulfilling manner to all human-beings as well as all units in
existence. Love is expressed as compassion in behaviour and work. We have discussed this in quite
detail in last chapter i.e. chapter 8; however, we will discuss some issues related to its implication at the
society level.

For instance, if we are serving young children, the sick/disabled or old people, with a feeling of care,
both are happy. It serves the people in need; at the same time gives satisfaction to those involved in the
serving processes. If the same thing is done without a feeling of care, or with a feeling of opposition, it is
tiresome for the care-giver and results in unhappiness of both. That is why professional old-age homes,
hostels, orphanages, hospitals and the like cannot be run just on the basis of physical facility / paying the
care-givers. A feeling of care is a must in those running these systems. You can also observe that the
proliferation of such institutions in the society is an indication of the breakdown of the family system.
Traditionally, the older generation took care of the children, particularly their education-sanskar. The
younger people served the aged. In this manner, the adults could focus on the production of physical
facility.

Expressing right feeling to the other (human being) leads to happiness in the other. This achievement of
mutual happiness is justice. The various occasions of public gatherings, like festivals and functions are
an occasion for such sharing, and drawing attention to the individual and collective sanskar. If there is
justice in the society, it will lead to trust, and it will lead to fearlessness. This justice leads to
fearlessness in the society. It is desirable to ensure justice from family to world family leading to an
undivided society. In order to ensure justice in the society, we need to:
a) Stop the offender from doing further injustice as well as
b) Help him/her to develop the competence for ensuring justice.

Think about it. In the present system, mostly we seem to be restricting ourselves at (a) and not doing (b);
and hence the vicious cycle of injustice continues in the society, despite various laws, rules, regulations
and so on. Of course, we need laws, rules and regulations, but these need to be in harmony with the
existential laws and not in contradiction with them. With the right understanding, one would be able to
see that all human beings are one family making effort for a common human goal, outlined above; and
that collaboration is the underlying responsibility, not competition, struggle or survival of the fittest.
 This is an experience shared by a faculty member of a college. Eight students were found to
be taking drugs in the boys’ hostel. This is a punishable offence. A disciplinary committee was
called and they started their deliberations. Usually such meetings were concluded in a few
hours – they routinely reported such cases to the police and suspended the students. This
time, however, was different as the director-general and about 50 faculty members, including
most of the disciplinary committee members, had been through the human values workshop.
The discussions started, “we must follow the rules. The precedent is to report them and
suspend them – that’s it”, “these students had come to our institution to become good human
beings and learn business management. We have not been able to do the first part at least.
Now, if we report and suspend these students, where will they go? Back to the society? Will
the society be a better place with them as they are now? The society will be worse off and the
future of these students will be spoilt. We should try to help them become productive citizens”,
“how will we do that”. The discussion went on for 11 long hours. They finally agreed to take a
risk. These eight were sent for counselling during the winter break. In the next semester, they
were attached to a faculty member who further discussed with them regarding values. It
worked partially, but the key learning was the role of the educational institution. The human
values programme was run with enthusiasm for all students. Over the next few years,
disciplinary cases overall came down to a fair extent. with trust on intention (that every child
wants to understand and do what is right), and with the effort by the faculty, this change could
be seen.

The justice system would have the responsibility to facilitate the development of ability in everyone to
understand justice and live accordingly.

Justice = Recognition, Fulfilment and Evaluation of Human-Human Relationship leading to

Mutual Happiness

Now when you look at preservation, it has to do with relationship of human being with the rest of nature.

Preservation is the recognition of relationship of human being with the rest of nature, its
fulfilment and evaluation leading to mutual fulfilment.

Precisely, preservation would mean enrichment, protection and right utilization of the entire nature.

Preservation => 1. Prosperity in human being

2. Enrichment, protection and right utilisation of nature

We have discussed prosperity at length, as the feeling of having or producing more than required
physical facility. This physical facility is produced by human effort on rest of nature. If it is produced in a
manner in which the rest of nature is also enriched, the preservation part is also ensured.

Enrichment means increase in quantity and quality of physical facility. For example, one grain of rice
gives rise to many grains of rice, given a conducive environment. This increase in quantity is
enrichment. Cultivating rice and consuming rice as food, the prosperity in human being is ensured
along with enrichment of rest of nature.

Protection means ensuring the value of a physical facility for an extended period of time. Protection
would include maintenance of the physical order, mineral availability, consistency of the seasons,
weather, air quality (~250-350PPM of CO2), rainfall, maintenance of arctic ice, glaciers, under-ground
water reserves and so on. In everyday life, protection can be as simple as covering These class notes
with a strong class notes cover to extend its usable life; varnishing a wooden chair to keep it in usable
shape for a longer time; repairing a torn pant; natural farming to extend the time period in which the soil
is conducive for agriculture (it will also enrich the soil).
Right utilisation is its use for the purpose of the larger order. For example, the right utilisation of food
grain is its use for nurturing the Body, not letting it spoil. The right utilisation of a pen is to write
meaningful things. The right utilisation of the human body is its use in fulfilling the purpose of the
human being (as we have seen in chapter 7).

Out of the three, enrichment, protection and right utilisation, the first priority is right utilisation. It can be
the first step in preservation. So right utilisation of electric power, water, food, clothes, etc. can be an
initial step for preservation.

It is estimated that all the needs of one human being in terms of wood can be met by using the wood
from four full-grown trees. Trees are anyway growing in the forest and more can be planted. Sal1 trees,
for instance, mature in about 100 years. Other timber trees mature in even less time. In due course of
time, they turn back into soil. Wood from planned felling (i.e. selective felling of mature trees only), can be
used to make a house. This way, we can ensure prosperity along with right utilisation, enrichment and
protection. Think of how many trees you can plant? Many more than four, isn’t it? In this way, if you
plant a tree on every birthday, you may be able to plant many more trees than you utilise. Of course,
after planting, a tree needs care for about three years to thrive.

Justice ensures fearlessness (trust) in the society and preservation ensures the co-existence in nature.

Exchange-Storage

Exchange means sharing or exchanging of physical facility with a view of mutual fulfilment.

The sharing is within the family, or to the extent one has been able to accept relationship. Beyond that
is exchange. Through sharing and exchange of physical facility, each family can have all that it needs,
i.e. there is mutual fulfilment. When we are exchanging physical facility with a family, with a community,
the important aspect is the feeling or view with which the exchange is done.

Storage is keeping physical facility with a view of mutual fulfilment and not with the obsession
for profit or for accumulation or exploitation.

It is for protecting physical facility, so that it is available, when required, for the purpose of mutual
fulfilment.

To see this further, reflect on the following example. There are two persons. They have two pieces of
bread which is not sufficient for both. How do they divide this bread? There are three possibilities:
 Both try to take both the pieces of bread. They struggle and fight. Eventually, they decide to take one
each. Each decides separately that henceforth, they will make more effort to grab more of the
available food. This would be the economics of “take-take”. Both are trying to maximise their returns.
Both are unhappy.
 They logically work out that they can get only one piece each, so they divide it equally, but neither is
fully satisfied. This is the economics of “give-take”.
 Both persons have a feeling of relationship, like a mother and child. They know that two pieces of bread
are not sufficient even for one person. Each offers both pieces of bread to the other. They discuss and
eventually decide to take one piece of bread each. They also decide to work together to make more
pieces of bread in future, so they can both fulfil their needs. This is the economics of “give-give”.

1
The scientific name of the sal tree is shorea robusta
Try to find out which kind of economics is operating in your family. When there is acceptance of the
other, it is always the give-give mode, the mutual fulfilment is in the centre. Only when there is lack of
acceptance of the other, or opposition with the other, we think about the take-more-give-less (or give-
nothing) mode. You can verify this. Which mode is comfortable, naturally acceptable to you?

When the exchange and storage are done with the view of mutual fulfilment, it will help to ensure
prosperity and it will also help in the process of ensuring fearlessness in the society. On the other hand,
if it is done with a view of profit or obsession of profit or it is done for exploitation, it will be a cause of
deprivation instead of prosperity and it will also be a cause of fear in the society.

Now, when that feeling of production and right utilisation, feeling of giving, etc. extends to the
neighbourhood and the community, it makes for an assuring unit of human order. In such a
neighbourhood or community, there is a feeling of assurance which further strengthens fearlessness
based on trust.

Professions in a Human Society

Once we understand that we have a common human goal, a common purpose, we will organize the
society so that it will facilitate the fulfilment of these common goals for all human beings. Also, once we
are able to see that we are related to each other, there will be a feeling of acceptance for all, i.e. the
feeling of love. With that acceptance, we will be able to work together in harmony for these human goals.

Profession is the participation of a human being in one or more of the dimensions of the
society. We may choose our participation where we have developed competence and interest. With the
feeling of purpose and relatedness, our professions will be interrelated and, in a manner, that everyone is able
to participate meaningfully, i.e. for mutual fulfilment. It includes teachers, doctors, farmers and so on. This
will be elaborated in section III (chapters 12-16).

Harmony from Family Order to World Family Order – Universal Human

Order
A society is composed of families living together with a common goal. At each level, the harmony
contributes to the harmony at the next higher level. Human beings individually in harmony contribute to
a family order that is in harmony. And families in harmony contribute to a harmonious societal order; and
all the way to a world family order which is what universal human order is.

If you try to look at the details, it starts with the family order because that is the smallest unit where all
these dimensions can start taking shape, can be worked about. You must be taking some responsibility
at home, like sharing views on various topics, production of food grain, shopping for food, cooking food,
washing clothes and so on. Like that in a family, there is some effort for the development of a
perspective about life (education). There is also some effort for development of life related skills – how
to interact with other people, how to take care of others, how to live with the neighbours and so on. This
is all to do with sanskar. There is some schedule for waking up, cleaning, labour, exercise, meals and so
on. These are some of the components of the health system in the family. Like that, there is some effort
in the family for each of the dimensions. That is what we are referring to as family order. Family has to
do with relationship and feeling in relationship. Family order has to do with the systems, with the base of
relationship.

Actualising all dimensions will lead to the fulfilment of human goals in the society. With this background
now, we can talk about the scope of the human society or the scope of the human system.

The scope is from family order to world family order. We have seen that the scope of relationship is
from family to world family. Now we can see that the scope of harmony in society, order in society is
starting from family order and going right up to the world family order.
If you try to look at the details, it starts with the family because that is the smallest unit where all
dimensions can start taking shape. Then you have family clusters, the village, village clusters… the
nation and ultimately the world family. You move from family order to world family order whereby you
ensure all dimensions of human order and fulfil all the human goals starting from family order to world
family order.

The family order is the smallest unit of a society. Family order refers to the system in a family of
responsible people living together for the common human goal. In particular, the family is making effort
for
 Mutual development of right understanding and right feeling (trust, respect and so on) in every family
member, including the next generation, leading to mutual happiness.
 Participation in production of required physical facility in the form of labour, leading to
prosperity.
 Contributing to a human society by way of participating at the next higher-level order.

The family cluster order is the next larger unit. It is the system that a group of families evolve in order to
fulfil those goals of individual families which require the participation of more people than the family has.
Take a typical example of repair of the roof of a house in a rural area. The house owner just has to
inform the village elders that the repair has to take place and a day is chosen. People from the village
assemble at the appointed time sparing themselves from their own work and accomplish the repair
work. The house holder contributes with a celebration meal for all. This is something that had been
happening traditionally in the India. Similarly, even today we can see that if there is a marriage in a
family, the group of associated families join in to make arrangements, take care of the guests and ensure
that the function is organized smoothly. We can see that there is synergy in the goals of these families –
all are making effort for the common human goal. At the base is the feeling of relationship. There is
complementarity at the level of skills and a natural division of responsibility in each of the dimensions. A
system for dialogue amongst the families, through a selected family representative from every family,
would ensure proper planning for the common works. All this put together is being referred to as the
family cluster order.

The family order and the family cluster order are mutually fulfilling. The scope of systems at
successively larger and larger complementary units from the family order to the world family order are
indicated below.

Scope – From Family Order to World Family Order (Universal Human

Order)
Family Order  Family Cluster Order  Village Order  Village Cluster Order  City Order… 
Nation Order…  World Family Order

In this way, every human being has a voice and a role in one or more of the social systems, all
contributing meaningfully to the family order, the family order to the family cluster order and so on to the
nation family order and ultimately, the world family order. That is the scope of the systems in a human
society.

Natural Outcome of Right Understanding

Now if you look at the basic human aspiration and its fulfilment:
1. The happiness is ensured by having the right understanding and right feeling in the Self.
2. The prosperity is a feeling of the availability of more than required physical facility. Right
understanding is required at the base, along with physical facility.
3. The tradition of living with happiness and prosperity starts from the family order and ultimately,
continuity can be ensured by the universal human order.

So, a meaningful life would mean that we have made effort for the above. If we are in harmony, we
contribute to a family order that is in harmony. Families in harmony comprise of a harmonious family
cluster and so on, all the way to a world family order which is what universal human order is which is
what harmony in the society means.

What we have discussed earlier, upto chapter 7, is the development at the individual level. In chapter 8,
we discussed about the human family and in this chapter, about human society. The overall
transformation that is being visualized is this – first, transformation from animal consciousness to
human consciousness at the level of individual human being; and second, transformation from inhuman
society to humane society at the collective level. A total transformation is required; piecemeal solutions
are not going to suffice.

For example, corruption is a problem. There are movements against it, there are laws, rules
and regulations against corrupt practices. There are agencies like police, courts and jails to
deal with corrupt people. Morals and ethics are taught in schools and colleges. Like that there
are various efforts in the society. Yet, corruption is still there. We are saying that corruption is
only a symptom of a deeper malady. Trying to handle this symptom or suppress it in a
piecemeal manner is not sufficient.

The effort, however small, has to be with a holistic perspective in the background:
1. Understanding things holistically, developing a holistic perspective (through education- sanskar). For
instance, we need to be clear about our basic aspirations as individuals; and we need to be clear about
our goal as a society.
2. Effort for:
 Personal transformation to human consciousness and living with definite human conduct.
 Societal transformation to human society. Effort for comprehensive human goal in the family
and in the society.

With this in the background, now the symptoms, like corruption, can then be properly dealt
with.
3. The root of the symptoms can be identified. Corruption, domination, exploitation, etc. are symptoms
of inhuman conduct. The real problem is inhuman conduct.
4. For getting rid of the real problem, effort can be focused on developing human conduct. Of course, till
such time as the society does not have the capacity to develop human conduct, the existing efforts
(laws, rules and regulations, police, courts, jails, etc.) have to be kept up, but these are only temporary
efforts to suppress the symptoms.

Refer to fig. 9-10. Human education will prepare people with human consciousness. These people will
live by human values and have a human conduct. People living with human conduct will ultimately give
rise to a human society. Such a human society would naturally provide human education for the next
generation, thus ensuring continuity of human society.
This is the proposal regarding the harmony in society and ultimately about universal human order. Now
you can verify for yourself whether this is something naturally acceptable to you and also work out
whether it is feasible to do it.

My Participation (Value) in the Society

(To Make effort for Harmony in the Society)

The society is composed of families living together, making effort for the common human goal. They are
interconnected and interdependent from family order to world family order.

My participation (value) vis-à-vis the society is to develop the clarity of society, its goals, programme
and scope; and with that, playing a part in the family order and then in the larger society.

In the family order, my participation (value) is:

 Ensuring happiness in the family by way of helping in the development of right understanding and
right feeling in the Self of every member of the family, particularly the next generation.
 Ensuring health in the family by way of a system of nurturing, protection and right utilisation of the
Body for every member of the family.
 Ensuring prosperity in the family by way of helping the family recognise the need for physical facility,
its production, its protection and its right utilisation.
 Facilitating one or more members of the family to participate in the larger society, in one or more
dimensions of human order.

In the larger society, my participation (value) is:

 To play a role in one or more dimensions of the human order (education-sanskar, health-self-
regulation, production-work, justice-preservation and exchange-storage)

In this way, the society with happiness in every individual, prosperity in every family, fearlessness (trust)
in the society and co-existence (mutual fulfilment) in nature/existence is realised. This is my
participation (value) vis-à-vis society.

Salient Points
 A society is composed of families living together for the common human goal. The base of a
harmonious society is harmony in the family, for which the base is harmony in the human being.
 The goals of human being living in society are:
1. Right understanding and right feeling (happiness) in every individual
2. Prosperity in every family
3. Fearlessness (trust) in the society
4. Co-existence (mutual fulfilment) in nature/existence
The priority and order in which these four goals can be fulfilled are 1-4. Without right
understanding and right feeling, it is not possible to identify the need for physical facility,
therefore, right understanding and right feeling has to come before prosperity. Similarly,
fearlessness can take place only with the acceptance of relationship and prosperity in every
family. The fourth goal is then a natural outcome of the first three.
 The systems or dimensions required for the fulfilment of the four human goals are:
1. Education-Sanskar
2. Health-Self regulation
3. Production-Work
4. Justice-Preservation
5. Exchange-Storage
 If there is effort for these goals in the family, the family is in harmony. In other words, there is a family
order. The society is many families living together in a relationship of mutual fulfilment. The scope of
harmony in the society starts with the family order and extends all the way to
 world family order in steps, from family order, family cluster order and so on to nation family
order and ultimately world family order. This extension of harmony, from family order to world
family order, is universal human order.

Test Your Understanding

Part 1: Questions for Self-evaluation
(Have we grasped the basic proposals made in this chapter?)

1. What is the building block for harmony in the society? Explain with examples.
2. Describe the human goal. Explain how this is conducive to sustainable happiness and
prosperity for all.
3. Critically examine the goals of the present-day society with respect to human goals. What is the
outcome?
4. List the dimensions (systems) that comprise a human order. Explain how each dimension
contributes to the fulfilment of the human goal.
5. Is there a particular sequence in which these goals can be fulfilled? Explain.
6. Why is education and sanskar the first human goal? Distinguish between education and
sanskar.
7. What are the two important issues to be addressed in the dimension of production? Explain with
two examples.
8. Explain, giving examples, how pollution and resource depletion are both the direct outcomes of not
understanding nature the way it is.
9. How can exchange of physical goods be mutually fulfilling? Evaluate the motivation of
exchange in today's scenario.
10. Write a short note on the three aspects of preservation.
11. There are three kinds of obsession. List them. Give any three examples of each from your
observation in the society.
12. Why is storage required in a society? Suggest any two ways in which you can store the produce
for right utilization in the future.
13. Indicate a few steps to promote harmony in the society and co-existence with nature.
14. What is the meaning of 'universal human order'? What is its scope? How is the family order related
to universal human order?

Part 2: Practice Exercises for Self-exploration

(To help connect the content to one’s life, at least at the level of thought, these exercises may be done
individually or in a group, particularly with friends and family members)

1. What are your personal goals or values that you would like to make effort for? Discuss with your family
and find out the goals of other members. Is there a common family goal? What are the goals being pursued
by your workplace or educational institution? How much of these three sets of goals are aligned to each
other? What is your role in the fulfilment of these three sets of goals?

2. Assuming that you would like to see your hostel or workplace or educational institution as a model of human
society, write down:
a. Its goal(s) – relate it to the four human goals and elaborate on what each goal means. Also develop
some key indicators or measures which will show that the goals are realized
b. The system to achieve these goals – Make a comprehensive plan for the fulfilment of each goal.
Relate it to the dimensions of human order.
c. How much of this system can be realised with you and your friends working on it in the next 2-4
years? If you select goals that are meaningful for many people, they will, sooner or later, join in.
So, factor that into your plan. Just as an example, you may like to watch
[Link] It is a short 2½ minute video about a
 small boy who moved a fallen tree out of the way – of course many people joined in,
eventually.
If you want to think more widely, you can consider your mohalla / colony / village / district /
state / country / world. You may find a lot of inspiring material on the internet, like
[Link] It is a documentary about a progressive
village called Hiware Bazar in Maharashtra, India. It is about how good governance and people
can make significant change in society. Of course, please consider all goals and all
dimensions of a humane society for your exercise. Your vision and plan should be holistic,
even if you can start just in the smallest of ways. The overall vision and plan give a definite
direction.

3. Read appendix A9-1 to get a view of the process of understanding. Education is the most significant
dimension of a human society. Now rightly evaluate your present state of understanding and skill:
a. Understanding
i. Self-discipline based on knowing – living on the basis of your natural acceptance or
ii. Arbitrariness based on assuming without knowing – living largely on the basis of
preconditioning and sensation
b. Understanding and skills regarding relationship
i. You have a feeling of trust, respect… love within you – continuous and unconditional. You
also have the behavioural skills to respond, to express these feelings. You are well
prepared with the right feelings to be a good son or daughter, a good parent, a good
husband or wife, etc. in the family and as a good citizen in the society or
ii. You have emotions like opposition, jealousy and fear at some or all of the time. You also
have the behavioural skills to respond or react, to express yourself.
c. Understanding and skills regarding physical facility
i. You have a good idea of your physical needs. You have the mindset and skills for cyclic and
mutually enriching production of something that is useful for you. You have a good idea
of right utilisation of physical facility. You have a mindset of sharing. You are well prepared
to participate in the society in one or more dimensions of human order (as a teacher in
the education-sanskar dimension, as a doctor in the health-self regulation dimension, as a
farmer in the production-work dimension and so on) along with having the well-being of
all (mutual fulfilment) in your understanding, thought and deed or
ii. You have the technical, managerial, behavioural skills for obtaining maximum physical
facility with minimum effort from your side.
Where do you like to reach (in next three years)? What inputs are necessary from education
(through the family, institution or the society)? What role can you play in ensuring these inputs
for yourself? What role can you play in ensuring the inputs required for others in the coming
time?

4. Update your future resume to address the section on workplace and society. Be sure to include your level
of understanding as well as your skills.

Part 3: Projects and Modelling Exercises

You may like to revisit this part of Test Your Understanding after reading through the complete class
notes once and self-exploring all the key proposals. With that, you may have some (or many) aha!
moments in which something clicks for you, you understand a proposal. What you have understood
may be expressed in various creative ways which appeal to different people. This part is for you to give
a creative expression to your understanding. Of course, you can do this in a group also. Creative
expressions may be in the form of sketches, drawings, paintings, clay models, sculptures, songs,
poems, music, dance, audios, videos, games, puzzles, stories, skits, plays, dramas, charts, diagrams,
plans, survey questionnaires, blogs, something on social media and so on. It is the story of your own
life – and it matters. While some hints are given above, please feel free to share your
real aha’s in your own way!

“Human goal, dimensions of human order and scope of universal human order (from
family order to world family order)”

“Human education and sanskar  human conduct  human values  undivided

society and universal human order”

Part 4: Your Questions

Write down your questions or doubts in your note-book. If any of the previous questions
have been clarified by your self-exploration of the proposals so far, please mark them
as answered. We would like to discuss the questions remaining unanswered in your
self-exploration.