1

00:00:47,806 --> 00:00:49,683

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

00:00:49,892 --> 00:00:52,686

There's nothing to tell.

It's just some guy I work with.

00:00:52,895 --> 00:00:55,063

Come on. You're going out with a guy.

00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:57,774

There's gotta be

something wrong with him.

00:00:57,983 --> 00:00:59,983

So does he have a hump and a hair piece?

00:01:02,321 --> 00:01:03,697

Wait. Does he eat chalk?

00:01:04,948 --> 00:01:08,160

I don't want her to go through

what I went through with Carl. Oh.

00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,163

Okay, everybody relax.

This is not even a date.

00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:14,333

It's just two people going out

to dinner and not having sex.

10

00:01:14,541 --> 00:01:16,084

Sounds like a date to me.

11

00:01:18,962 --> 00:01:21,812

I'm back in high school, in

the middle of the cafeteria,

12

00:01:22,007 --> 00:01:25,344

and I realize I'm totally naked.

13

00:01:25,552 --> 00:01:27,102

-Oh, yeah.

-I've had that dream.

14

00:01:27,304 --> 00:01:31,391

Then I look down and I

realize there is a phone

15

00:01:31,975 --> 00:01:33,936

there.

16

00:01:34,853 --> 00:01:36,772

-Instead of…

-That's right!

17

00:01:36,980 --> 00:01:38,565

MONICA: That one, I've never had.

PHOEBE: No.

18

00:01:38,649 --> 00:01:42,778

All of a sudden, the

phone starts to ring.

19

00:01:42,986 --> 00:01:44,738

And it turns out it's my mother.

20

00:01:46,490 --> 00:01:50,786

Which is very, very weird

because she never calls me.

21

00:01:55,792 --> 00:01:57,710

Hi.

22

00:01:58,711 --> 00:02:01,881

This guy says "hello,"

I wanna kill myself.

23

00:02:02,173 --> 00:02:03,341

Are you okay, sweetie?

24

00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:08,263

I feel like someone grabbed my small

intestine, pulled it out of my mouth,

25

00:02:08,429 --> 00:02:11,307

-and tied it around my neck.

-Cookie?

26
00:02:13,309 --> 00:02:14,909

Carol moved her stuff out today.

27

00:02:15,019 --> 00:02:16,062

PHOEBE, JOEY: Oh.

28

00:02:16,229 --> 00:02:18,029

-Let me get you some coffee.

-Thanks.

29

00:02:20,984 --> 00:02:22,735

Ew. Unh.

30

00:02:22,902 --> 00:02:26,864

No. No, don't! Stop cleansing my aura.

31

00:02:27,156 --> 00:02:29,701

Just leave my aura alone, okay?

32

00:02:31,703 --> 00:02:34,663

I'll be fine. All right? Really.

I hope she'll be very happy.

33

00:02:34,747 --> 00:02:36,147

-No, you don't.

-No, I don't.

34

00:02:36,249 --> 00:02:38,084

To hell with her. She left me!

35

00:02:39,127 --> 00:02:41,087

And you never knew she was a lesbian.

36

00:02:45,133 --> 00:02:47,302

No! Okay?

37

00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,263

Why does everyone keep fixating on that?

38

00:02:51,889 --> 00:02:54,684

She didn't know. How should I know?

39

00:02:56,519 --> 00:02:59,188

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

40

00:03:00,815 --> 00:03:02,817

Did I say that out loud?

41

00:03:04,736 --> 00:03:08,824

All right, Ross. Look, you're

feeling a lot of pain right now.

42

00:03:08,991 --> 00:03:11,410

You're angry. You're hurting.

43

00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:13,871

Can I tell you what the answer is?

44

00:03:14,079 --> 00:03:15,372

Strip joints!

45

00:03:17,541 --> 00:03:19,877

Come on, you're single.

Have some hormones.

46

00:03:20,085 --> 00:03:22,379

See, but I don't want to be single, okay?

47

00:03:22,588 --> 00:03:25,758

I just wanna be married again.

48

00:03:29,887 --> 00:03:33,015

And I just want a million dollars!

49

00:03:34,141 --> 00:03:35,225

Rachel?

50

00:03:35,392 --> 00:03:38,103

Oh, God, Monica! Hi! Thank God!

51

00:03:38,270 --> 00:03:41,440

I went to your building and

this guy with a hammer said

52

00:03:41,607 --> 00:03:43,817

that you might be here, and you are.

53

00:03:44,068 --> 00:03:47,571

-Can I get you some coffee?

-Decaf.

54

00:03:48,155 --> 00:03:52,117

Okay, everybody, this is Rachel,

another Lincoln High survivor.

55

00:03:52,368 --> 00:03:54,828

This is everybody.

This is Chandler and Phoebe,

56

00:03:55,037 --> 00:03:57,289

and Joey. And remember my brother, Ross?

57

00:03:57,456 --> 00:03:58,582

-Sure!

-Hey.

58

00:03:58,749 --> 00:04:00,668

-Hi.

-Oh, God.

59

00:04:06,882 --> 00:04:08,258

[SIGHS]
60

00:04:08,467 --> 00:04:12,054

So you wanna tell us now, or are

we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?

61

00:04:14,306 --> 00:04:19,269

Oh, God! Well, it started about

a half-hour before the wedding.

62

00:04:19,436 --> 00:04:21,856

I was in this room with all the presents,

63

00:04:22,023 --> 00:04:23,973

and I was looking at this gravy boat.

64

00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,487

This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.

65

00:04:27,654 --> 00:04:29,489

When all of a sudden… Sweet 'N Low?

66

00:04:29,656 --> 00:04:31,783

…I realized…

67

00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:35,870

…I was more turned on by

this gravy boat than by Barry.

68

00:04:36,037 --> 00:04:39,082

Then I got really freaked

out, and that's when it hit me:

69

00:04:39,249 --> 00:04:42,043

How much Barry looks

like Mr. Potato Head.

70

00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:45,714

You know, I mean, I always

knew he looked familiar, but…

71

00:04:47,882 --> 00:04:51,219

Anyway, I just had to get out of

there, and I started wondering:

72

00:04:51,469 --> 00:04:55,056

"Why am I doing this?"

and "Who am I doing this for?"

73

00:04:55,223 --> 00:04:59,602

Anyway, I just didn't know where to go,

and I know you and I have drifted apart,

74

00:04:59,811 --> 00:05:02,647

but you're the only

person I know in the city.

75

00:05:02,856 --> 00:05:04,556

Who wasn't invited to the wedding.

76

00:05:04,899 --> 00:05:07,819

Oh, I was kind of hoping

that wouldn't be an issue.

77

00:05:15,118 --> 00:05:17,203

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH ON TV]

78

00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,502

I'm guessing he bought

her the big pipe organ,

79

00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:27,130

and she's really not happy about it.

80

00:05:28,381 --> 00:05:31,426

Daddy, I just… I can't marry him.

81

00:05:31,593 --> 00:05:33,261

I'm sorry.

82

00:05:33,428 --> 00:05:36,307

I just don't love him.

83

00:05:36,766 --> 00:05:39,435

Well, it matters to me.

84

00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:44,315

CHANDLER: She should

not be wearing those pants.

85

00:05:45,524 --> 00:05:47,485

I say push her down the stairs.

86

00:05:47,693 --> 00:05:50,905

ALL: Push her down the stairs!

Push her down the stairs!

87

00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:52,472

[ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD]

88

00:05:55,159 --> 00:05:57,161

Come on, Daddy, listen to me!

89

00:05:57,369 --> 00:06:01,916

It's like all of my life, everyone's

always told me, "You're a shoe!

90

00:06:02,082 --> 00:06:04,282

You're a shoe! You're a shoe!

You're a shoe!"

91

00:06:04,376 --> 00:06:07,546

Then today I stopped and said,

"What if I don't wanna be a shoe?

92

00:06:07,755 --> 00:06:10,925

What if I wanna be a purse? You know?

93

00:06:11,091 --> 00:06:12,885

Or a hat?"

94

00:06:13,803 --> 00:06:16,347

I don't want you to buy

me a hat, I am a hat.

95

00:06:16,514 --> 00:06:18,724

It's a metaphor, Daddy!

96

00:06:20,476 --> 00:06:22,311

You can see where he'd have trouble.

97

00:06:25,564 --> 00:06:27,441

Look, Daddy, it's my life.

98

00:06:28,776 --> 00:06:31,237

Well, maybe I'll just

stay here with Monica.

99

00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,790

I guess we've established

she's staying with Monica.

100

00:06:38,828 --> 00:06:41,622

Well, maybe that's my decision.

101

00:06:42,206 --> 00:06:44,458

Well, maybe I don't need your money.

102

00:06:44,625 --> 00:06:46,877

Wait! Wait! I said maybe!

103

00:06:53,844 --> 00:06:56,054

Okay. Just breathe, that's it.

104

00:06:56,263 --> 00:06:58,723

Just try to think of nice, calm things.

105

00:06:58,932 --> 00:07:02,811

<i>♪ Raindrops on roses,

and whiskers on kittens ♪</i>

106

00:07:03,186 --> 00:07:07,148

<i>♪ Doorbells and sleigh bells

and something with mittens ♪</i>

107

00:07:07,899 --> 00:07:11,278

<i>♪ La la la something, with string ♪</i>

108

00:07:11,444 --> 00:07:13,321

I'm all better now.

109

00:07:15,115 --> 00:07:17,117

I helped.

110

00:07:18,785 --> 00:07:21,370

MONICA: Look, this is

probably for the best, you know?

111

00:07:21,454 --> 00:07:23,999

Independence.

Taking control of your life.

112

00:07:24,207 --> 00:07:28,545

And, hey, if you need anything,

you can always come to Joey.

113

00:07:28,712 --> 00:07:32,132

Me and Chandler live right

across the hall. And he's away a lot.

114

00:07:34,009 --> 00:07:36,553

Joey, stop hitting on her.

It's her wedding day.

115

00:07:36,761 --> 00:07:38,722

What? Like there's a rule or something?

116

00:07:39,389 --> 00:07:40,515

[INTERCOM BUZZES]

117

00:07:41,266 --> 00:07:44,811

Please don't do that again.

It's a horrible sound.

118

00:07:44,978 --> 00:07:47,397

PAUL: <i>Uh, it's Paul.</i>

-Buzz him in.

119

00:07:47,689 --> 00:07:49,983

-Who's Paul?

-Paul, the wine guy, Paul?

120

00:07:50,191 --> 00:07:51,234

Maybe.

121

00:07:51,443 --> 00:07:54,738

Wait a minute. Your "not a real

date" is with Paul, the wine guy?

122

00:07:54,946 --> 00:07:56,740

-He finally asked you out?

-Yes.

123

00:07:56,907 --> 00:07:58,707

Ooh. This is a "Dear Diary" moment.

124
00:08:00,243 --> 00:08:01,745

Rach, wait, I can cancel.

125

00:08:01,995 --> 00:08:03,789

Please, no. Go, I'll be fine.

126

00:08:03,956 --> 00:08:07,668

Ross, are you okay?

I mean, do you want me to stay?

127

00:08:08,544 --> 00:08:10,671

That'd be good.

128

00:08:11,047 --> 00:08:14,800

-Really?

-No, go on! It's Paul, the wine guy.

129

00:08:15,009 --> 00:08:16,135

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

130

00:08:18,638 --> 00:08:21,057

MONICA: Hi, come in. Paul, this is

131

00:08:21,933 --> 00:08:24,477

everybody. Everybody, this is Paul.

132

00:08:24,936 --> 00:08:26,103

JOEY: Paul, the wine guy.

133

00:08:26,187 --> 00:08:30,024

-Wine guy.

-I didn't catch your name. Paul, was it?

134

00:08:30,441 --> 00:08:32,985

-Okay. Sit down. Two seconds.

-Okay.

135

00:08:33,527 --> 00:08:35,947

[MOUTHING]

136

00:08:37,156 --> 00:08:40,242

Ooh, I just pulled out four eyelashes.

That can't be good.

137

00:08:42,787 --> 00:08:44,737

So, Rachel, what are you up to tonight?

138

00:08:45,206 --> 00:08:49,043

Well, I was supposed to be

headed for Aruba on my honeymoon,

139

00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:50,252

so, nothing.

140

00:08:52,672 --> 00:08:54,922

Right.

You're not even getting your honeymoon.

141

00:08:55,174 --> 00:08:59,136

God. No, no. Although, Aruba.

[CHUCKLES] This time of year? Eh.

142

00:08:59,303 --> 00:09:03,099

Talk about your… big lizards.

143

00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:10,606

Anyway, if you don't feel

like being alone tonight

144

00:09:10,815 --> 00:09:13,651

Joey and Chandler are

helping me with my furniture.

145

00:09:13,818 --> 00:09:16,989

Yes, and we're very excited about it.

146

00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:20,492

Actually, thanks, but I'm just

gonna hang out here tonight.

147

00:09:20,659 --> 00:09:22,785

-It's been a long day.

-Oh, sure. Okay. Sure.

148

00:09:22,869 --> 00:09:24,269

Hey, Pheebs, you wanna help?

149

00:09:24,621 --> 00:09:26,621

Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

150
00:09:34,798 --> 00:09:39,219

I'm supposed to attach a

bracket-y thing to the side things

151

00:09:39,386 --> 00:09:42,180

using a bunch of these little worm guys.

152

00:09:43,348 --> 00:09:48,103

I have no bracket-y thing, I

see no worm guys whatsoever,

153

00:09:48,270 --> 00:09:51,356

and I cannot feel my legs.

154

00:09:52,941 --> 00:09:53,984

What's this?

155

00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:57,195

I have no idea.

156

00:09:59,072 --> 00:10:01,491

-Done with the bookcase.

-All finished.
157

00:10:05,078 --> 00:10:06,872

This was Carol's favorite beer.

158

00:10:08,957 --> 00:10:11,707

She always drank it out of the can.

I should have known.

159

00:10:11,793 --> 00:10:15,005

Hey. Ross, let me ask you a question.

160

00:10:15,172 --> 00:10:19,384

She got the furniture,

the stereo, the good TV.

161

00:10:19,551 --> 00:10:20,594

What did you get?

162

00:10:20,927 --> 00:10:21,970

You guys.

163

00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:24,222

-Oh, God. Oh, my God.

-You got screwed.

164

00:10:24,431 --> 00:10:28,727

-Oh, my God.

-I know, I know. I'm such an idiot.

165

00:10:29,269 --> 00:10:33,816

I should've caught on when she went

to the dentist four and five times a week.

166

00:10:33,983 --> 00:10:36,194

I mean, how clean can teeth get?

167

00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,810

My brother's going through that.

He's such a mess.

168

00:10:38,946 --> 00:10:40,615

How did you get through it?

169

00:10:40,823 --> 00:10:44,327

He might try accidentally

breaking something valuable of hers.

170

00:10:44,494 --> 00:10:46,079

-Say her…

-Leg?

171

00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:48,622

[CHUCKLES] That's one

way of going through it, yeah.

172

00:10:48,706 --> 00:10:50,249

Me, I went for the watch.

173

00:10:50,708 --> 00:10:52,585

-You actually broke her watch?

-Mm.

174

00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:56,297

Barry, I'm sorry. I am so sorry.

175

00:10:56,547 --> 00:11:01,469

You probably think it's about making

love with your socks on, but it isn't.

176

00:11:01,636 --> 00:11:06,641

It isn't, it's about me. And I… [SIGHS]

177

00:11:11,521 --> 00:11:14,565

Hi. Machine cut me off again. Anyway…

178

00:11:16,359 --> 00:11:20,446

You know what's scary? What if

there's only one woman for everybody?

179

00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:23,991

I mean, what if you get

one woman, and that's it?

180

00:11:24,158 --> 00:11:29,038

Unfortunately, in my case,

there was only one woman for her.

181

00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:32,750

What are you talking about? One woman.

182
00:11:33,334 --> 00:11:36,963

That's like saying there's only

one flavor of ice cream for you.

183

00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,883

Let me tell you something, Ross.

There's lots of flavors out there.

184

00:11:41,050 --> 00:11:45,514

There's rocky road and cookie

dough and bing cherry vanilla.

185

00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:50,644

You can get them with jimmies

or nuts or whipped cream.

186

00:11:50,894 --> 00:11:53,564

This is the best thing

that ever happened to you.

187

00:11:53,730 --> 00:11:56,608

You got married.

You were like, what, eight?

188

00:11:58,569 --> 00:12:02,573

Welcome back to the world. Grab a spoon.

189

00:12:02,739 --> 00:12:05,284

I honestly don't know

if I'm hungry or horny.

190

00:12:05,742 --> 00:12:07,142

Then stay out of my freezer.

191

00:12:10,873 --> 00:12:14,293

Ever since she walked out on me, I…

192

00:12:14,626 --> 00:12:16,587

What? What?

193

00:12:16,753 --> 00:12:18,589

You wanna spell it out with noodles?

194

00:12:18,797 --> 00:12:22,384

No, it's more of a fifth

date kind of revelation.

195

00:12:23,177 --> 00:12:26,221

Oh, so there's gonna be a fifth date?

196

00:12:27,764 --> 00:12:29,433

Isn't there?

197

00:12:29,641 --> 00:12:31,810

Yeah, yeah. I think there is.

198

00:12:33,645 --> 00:12:35,355

What were you gonna say?

199

00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:39,109

Well… Er, uh…

200

00:12:40,277 --> 00:12:42,487

Ever since she left me, um

201

00:12:43,614 --> 00:12:46,909

I haven't been able to perform

202

00:12:47,159 --> 00:12:48,368

sexually.

203

00:12:51,246 --> 00:12:52,748

Oh, God! Oh, God! I am so…

204

00:12:52,956 --> 00:12:54,206

-I'm so sorry.

-It's okay.

205

00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:57,794

Being spit on is probably

not what you need right now.

206

00:12:57,961 --> 00:12:59,672

Um…

207

00:13:00,048 --> 00:13:01,132

How long?

208

00:13:01,674 --> 00:13:02,759

Two years.
209

00:13:03,509 --> 00:13:05,220

Wow!

210

00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:08,348

I'm glad you smashed her watch.

211

00:13:10,308 --> 00:13:13,728

So you still think you

might want that fifth date?

212

00:13:16,731 --> 00:13:18,274

Yeah.

213

00:13:18,441 --> 00:13:20,276

Yeah, I do.

214

00:13:21,486 --> 00:13:24,822

<i>I, Joanie, take you, Charles,

as my lawful husband.</i>

215

00:13:25,156 --> 00:13:28,409

MINISTER: <i>Do you take Joanie…</i>

-Oh! See.

216

00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:33,790

But Joanie loved Chachi.

That's the difference.

217

00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:36,709

"Grab a spoon."

218

00:13:37,043 --> 00:13:39,545

Do you know long it's been

since I grabbed a spoon?

219

00:13:40,046 --> 00:13:43,046

Do the words, "Billy, don't be

a hero," mean anything to you?

220

00:13:45,134 --> 00:13:49,639

You know, here's the thing.

Even if I could get it together enough

221

00:13:49,806 --> 00:13:52,350

to ask a woman out

222

00:13:52,809 --> 00:13:55,228

who am I gonna ask?

223

00:14:16,542 --> 00:14:17,918

Isn't this amazing?

224

00:14:18,085 --> 00:14:20,503

I mean, I have never made

coffee before in my life.

225

00:14:20,587 --> 00:14:23,090

-That is amazing.

-Congratulations.

226

00:14:23,299 --> 00:14:25,655

While you're on a

roll, if you feel like you

227

00:14:25,739 --> 00:14:28,012

gotta make a Western omelet or something…

228

00:14:30,931 --> 00:14:34,393

Although, actually I'm really

not that hungry this morning.

229

00:14:35,311 --> 00:14:36,728

-Good morning.

-MONICA: Good morning.

230

00:14:36,812 --> 00:14:38,439

-Morning.

-JOEY: Morning.

231

00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:41,525

-Morning.

-JOEY: Morning, Paul.

232

00:14:41,692 --> 00:14:44,903

-Hello, Paul.

-Hi. Paul, is it?

233

00:14:49,033 --> 00:14:51,785

MONICA: I had a really

great time last night.

234

00:14:51,952 --> 00:14:53,829

PAUL: Thank you. Thank you so much.

235

00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:57,416

-We'll talk later, okay?

-Yeah.

236

00:15:02,087 --> 00:15:03,922

Thank you.

237

00:15:09,762 --> 00:15:12,556

That wasn't a real date.

238

00:15:13,265 --> 00:15:16,101

What the hell do you do on a real date?

239

00:15:16,977 --> 00:15:20,439

-Shut up and put my table back.

-JOEY: Okay.

240

00:15:20,606 --> 00:15:22,483

All right, kids, I gotta get to work.

241

00:15:22,691 --> 00:15:28,198

If I don't input those numbers, it

doesn't make much of a difference.

242

00:15:31,242 --> 00:15:33,370

So, like, you guys all have jobs?

243

00:15:34,162 --> 00:15:35,830

Yeah, we all have jobs.

244

00:15:36,039 --> 00:15:38,666

See, that's how we buy stuff.

245

00:15:40,293 --> 00:15:41,586

Yeah, I'm an actor.

246

00:15:41,795 --> 00:15:44,005

Wow. Would I have seen you in anything?

247

00:15:44,214 --> 00:15:46,549

Oh, I doubt it. Mostly regional work.

248

00:15:46,758 --> 00:15:50,345

Unless you happened to catch the

Wee One's production of <i>Pinocchio.</i>

249

00:15:50,595 --> 00:15:53,139

"Look, Geppeto. I'm a real live boy."

250

00:15:55,975 --> 00:15:57,685

I will not take this abuse.

251

00:15:57,936 --> 00:15:59,854

You're right. I'm sorry.

252

00:16:00,271 --> 00:16:02,982

<i>♪ Once I was a wooden

boy, a little wooden boy ♪</i>

253

00:16:07,070 --> 00:16:09,530

MONICA: So how are you doing today?

Did you sleep okay?

254

00:16:09,614 --> 00:16:12,951

Did you talk to Barry?

I can't stop smiling.

255

00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:17,622

I can see that. You look like you

slept with a hanger in your mouth.

256

00:16:22,877 --> 00:16:26,339

I know. He's just so…

257

00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:28,056

Remember you and Tony De Marco?

258

00:16:28,258 --> 00:16:32,262

-Oh, yeah.

-Well, it's like that. With feelings.

259

00:16:33,138 --> 00:16:34,806

Oh, wow, are you in trouble!

260

00:16:35,473 --> 00:16:39,269

Okay, okay.

I am just going to get up, go to work,

261

00:16:39,436 --> 00:16:42,148

and not think about him all day.

262

00:16:42,314 --> 00:16:45,276

Or else I'm just gonna

get up and go to work.

263

00:16:45,443 --> 00:16:47,069

-Oh, wish me luck!

-What for?

264

00:16:47,278 --> 00:16:50,573

I'm gonna go get one of those job things.

265

00:16:58,539 --> 00:17:01,167

-Hey, Monica.

-Hey, Franny. Welcome back.

266

00:17:01,333 --> 00:17:02,835

How was Florida?

267

00:17:03,002 --> 00:17:04,336

You had sex, didn't you?

268

00:17:06,213 --> 00:17:07,256

How do you do that?

269

00:17:08,382 --> 00:17:12,178

-So, who?

-You know Paul?

270

00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,305

Paul, the wine guy?

271

00:17:14,472 --> 00:17:16,056

Oh, yeah, I know Paul.

272

00:17:18,601 --> 00:17:21,103

You mean, you know Paul like I know Paul?

273

00:17:21,312 --> 00:17:23,606

Are you kidding? I take credit for Paul.

274

00:17:23,772 --> 00:17:27,902

Before me, there was no

snap in his turtle for two years.

275

00:17:31,155 --> 00:17:33,699

Of course it was a line.

276

00:17:34,116 --> 00:17:36,785

Why?

Why would anybody do something like that?

277

00:17:36,994 --> 00:17:40,247

We're looking for an answer

more sophisticated than:

278

00:17:40,414 --> 00:17:42,333

"To get you into bed."

279

00:17:43,292 --> 00:17:44,960

Is it me?

280
00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:48,672

Is it like I have some sort

of beacon that only dogs,

281

00:17:48,839 --> 00:17:51,467

and men with severe

emotional problems can hear?

282

00:17:51,675 --> 00:17:53,675

All right, come here. Give me your feet.

283

00:18:01,102 --> 00:18:02,952

I just thought he was nice, you know?

284

00:18:05,815 --> 00:18:08,276

I can't believe you

didn't know it was a line.

285

00:18:13,156 --> 00:18:14,199

Guess what.

286

00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:16,159

-You got a job?

-Are you kidding?

287

00:18:16,326 --> 00:18:17,994

I'm trained for nothing.

288

00:18:19,829 --> 00:18:21,879

I was laughed out of 12 interviews today.

289

00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,590

Yet you're surprisingly upbeat.

290

00:18:23,792 --> 00:18:27,295

Well, you would be too if you

found Joan and David boots on sale

291

00:18:27,462 --> 00:18:29,214

50 percent off.

292

00:18:29,422 --> 00:18:31,216

Oh, how well you know me.

293

00:18:32,884 --> 00:18:35,303

They're my new "I don't

need a job or my parents.

294

00:18:35,554 --> 00:18:37,722

I've got great boots" boots.

295

00:18:39,099 --> 00:18:41,309

-How'd you pay for them?

-Uh, credit card.

296

00:18:41,851 --> 00:18:43,520

And who pays for that?

297

00:18:44,187 --> 00:18:46,273

Um, my father.

298

00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:51,152

You can't live off your

parents your whole life.

299

00:18:51,236 --> 00:18:54,906

I know that.

That's why I was getting married.

300

00:18:55,282 --> 00:18:58,367

Give her a break. It's hard being

on your own for the first time.

301

00:18:58,451 --> 00:18:59,953

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

302

00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:02,831

I remember when I first

came to this city, I was 14.

303

00:19:02,998 --> 00:19:05,948

My mom had killed herself and

my stepdad was back in prison.

304

00:19:06,042 --> 00:19:08,092

And I got here, and I

didn't know anybody.

305

00:19:08,253 --> 00:19:11,703

I ended up living with this albino

guy who was cleaning windshields

306

00:19:11,799 --> 00:19:15,595

outside Port Authority.

And then he killed himself.

307

00:19:16,345 --> 00:19:17,838

And then I found aromatherapy.

308

00:19:17,922 --> 00:19:20,182

So believe me, I know

exactly how you feel.

309

00:19:24,312 --> 00:19:27,064

The word you're looking for is:

310

00:19:27,648 --> 00:19:28,899

"Anyway…"

311

00:19:33,070 --> 00:19:34,196

All right. You ready?

312
00:19:34,363 --> 00:19:36,213

-I don't think so.

-ROSS: Oh, come on.

313

00:19:36,407 --> 00:19:37,825

Cut. Cut.

314

00:19:38,034 --> 00:19:40,995

ALL: Cut, cut, cut.

315

00:19:42,622 --> 00:19:45,541

-ROSS: Hey.

-MONICA: All right.

316

00:19:45,791 --> 00:19:47,501

Welcome to the real world.

317

00:19:47,710 --> 00:19:50,463

It sucks. You're gonna love it.

318

00:19:51,339 --> 00:19:54,089

[FRANCIS SCOTT KEY'S

"STAR-SPANGLED BANNER" PLAYS ON TV]

319

00:19:57,386 --> 00:20:00,723

Well, that's it.

You gonna crash on the couch?

320

00:20:00,931 --> 00:20:04,268

-No. No, I gotta go home sometime.

-Are you gonna be okay?

321

00:20:04,435 --> 00:20:05,936

Yeah.

322

00:20:06,979 --> 00:20:08,856

Look what I just found on the floor.

323

00:20:11,150 --> 00:20:12,401

What?

324

00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:14,362

That's Paul's watch.

325

00:20:14,528 --> 00:20:16,678

You can just put it

back where you found it.

326

00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:21,702

Oh, boy. All right.

Good night, everybody.

327

00:20:21,869 --> 00:20:22,995

ROSS, RACHEL: Good night.

328

00:20:23,079 --> 00:20:24,998

[WATCH CRACKS]

329

00:20:28,877 --> 00:20:30,295

[DOOR CLOSES]

330

00:20:31,421 --> 00:20:33,090

-Hmm.

-Hmm.

331

00:20:34,216 --> 00:20:35,550

-Oh, sorry.

-No. Oh, no. Go.

332

00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,594

-No, have it, really.

-Split it?

333

00:20:37,761 --> 00:20:39,763

-Okay.

-Okay.

334

00:20:41,682 --> 00:20:42,724

Thanks.

335

00:20:43,433 --> 00:20:47,020

You probably didn't know this,

but back in high school I had

336

00:20:47,187 --> 00:20:49,022

a major crush on you.

337

00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:51,650

I knew.

338
00:20:52,025 --> 00:20:54,277

You did? Oh.

339

00:20:55,070 --> 00:20:58,073

I figured you thought I was

Monica's geeky older brother.

340

00:20:58,824 --> 00:21:00,826

-I did.

-Oh.

341

00:21:05,455 --> 00:21:07,290

Listen, do you think…

342

00:21:07,457 --> 00:21:10,961

And try not to let my vulnerability

become any kind of a factor here.

343

00:21:13,046 --> 00:21:16,925

Do you think it would be okay

if I ask you out sometime, maybe?

344

00:21:18,176 --> 00:21:20,011

Yeah.

345

00:21:20,470 --> 00:21:21,763

Maybe.

346

00:21:22,764 --> 00:21:24,599

Okay.

347

00:21:29,354 --> 00:21:31,815

Okay, maybe I will.

348

00:21:34,151 --> 00:21:35,610

[RACHEL CHUCKLES]

349

00:21:35,777 --> 00:21:37,904

-Good night.

-Good night.

350

00:21:40,908 --> 00:21:42,910

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

351

00:21:48,374 --> 00:21:50,376

[DOOR OPENS]

352

00:21:51,461 --> 00:21:53,171

See you.

353

00:21:53,671 --> 00:21:54,714

ROSS: Mm-hm.

354

00:21:54,881 --> 00:21:57,300

Wait, wait. Hey, what's with you?

355

00:21:59,594 --> 00:22:02,263

I just grabbed a spoon.

356

00:22:10,438 --> 00:22:11,988

Can't believe what I'm hearing.

357

00:22:12,148 --> 00:22:13,899

<i>♪ I can't believe, what I'm hearing here ♪</i>

358

00:22:13,983 --> 00:22:16,383

-What? I said you had…

<i>-♪ What? I said you had… ♪</i>

359

00:22:17,236 --> 00:22:19,697

-Would you stop?

-Oh, was I doing it again?

360

00:22:19,906 --> 00:22:21,741

ALL: Yes.

361

00:22:22,784 --> 00:22:24,786

WOMAN: Would anybody like more coffee?

362

00:22:26,662 --> 00:22:29,123

Did you make it or

are you just serving it?

363

00:22:29,290 --> 00:22:32,585

-I'm just serving it.

-CHANDLER: I'll have a cup of coffee.

364

00:22:33,044 --> 00:22:34,295

Kids, new dream.

365

00:22:35,046 --> 00:22:38,382

I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minnelli.