Dialogue Questions

Categories:

Children............................................................................................................................................2
Communications.............................................................................................................................. 3
Conflict............................................................................................................................................ 5
Death 7
Dialogue........................................................................................................................................... 8
Dreams........................................................................................................................................... 10
Emotions........................................................................................................................................ 11
Expectations...................................................................................................................................18
Family of Origin.............................................................................................................................20
Forgiveness.................................................................................................................................... 22
Friends24
Gifts 26
God/Theology................................................................................................................................ 28
Group Questions............................................................................................................................ 32
Humor 36
Listening.........................................................................................................................................37
Love 38
Marriage......................................................................................................................................... 40
Ministry..........................................................................................................................................45
Money 45
Needs 47
Openness........................................................................................................................................ 49
Pot Luck......................................................................................................................................... 51
Prayer 58
Romance........................................................................................................................................ 60
Sex 62
Stress 65
Trust 66
Values 67
 Children "How do our childrenÆs activities affect our
relationship? HDIFAT?"
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
child raising? HDIFAT?"
"HDIF about putting you first when our
children are so demanding?"
"What do I hope to gain in the area of child
raising? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about you in the area of

child raising? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about you in the area of

child raising? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about myself in the area

of child raising? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about myself in the

area of child raising? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about us in the area of

child raising? HDIFAT?"

"What mask do I wear in the area of child

raising? HDIFAT?"

"When am I least open to listen to you in the

area of child raising? HDIFAT?"

"In the area of child raising what feeling do I

find most difficult to share
with you? Describe feelings in loving
detail."

"How has/would never having children

affect my/our life? HDIF about this?"

"How have our children experienced our

love this week? HDIF sharing this with
you?"

"How do I feel about being a sign of God's

Love to our children or to other
children? HDTMMF?"
"What change have I seen in our children
since dialogue? HDIFAT?"
 Communications "How well do I listen to you when we talk
about finances? Do I truly listen to
you, or do I just hear you? Are there
"Do I try to fix your problems, or just listen
behaviors that get in the way of me
and accept how you feel about
listening to you in this area? HDIFAMA?"
them? HDIFAMA?"
"How well do I listen to you when we talk
"When I want you to listen to me, do I also
about family? Do I truly listen to
want you to agree with me? HDTMMF?"
you, or do I just hear you? Are there
behaviors that get in the way of me
"Am I open in our nonverbal
listening to you in this area? HDIFAMA?"
communication? HDIFAT?"
"I find it difficult to listen to you when...
"What topic gives me the most difficulty in
HDIFAMA?"
listening to you? HDIFAT?"
"Your specialness today was... HDIFAT?"
"HDIF when I'm talking to you and you
don't seem to be listening?"
"Have I been critical or accepting of you this
week? HDMAMMF? What am I willing
"What areas have I closed my ears to
to do for the sake of our relationship to
listening to you? HDIFAMA?"
make this better?"
"I am most likely to criticize you about...
"How well do I think I listen to you? What
HDIFAMA?"
can I do to listen better? HDIFAT and
sharing this with you?"
"Recently, I thought it was
selfish/thoughtless of me to say to you...
"When was the last time I complimented
HDIF
you? HDIFAMA?"
telling you this?"
"What area do I least want to talk to you
"Recently, how have I been judgemental of
about? HDIF telling you this?"
you? HDMAMMF?"
"I enjoy hearing you talk about... HDIF
"How well do I listen to you when we talk
sharing this with you?"
about death? Do I truly listen to you,
or do I just hear you? Are there behaviors
"This week, what have I avoided talking to
that get in the way of me listening
you about and why? HDIFAT?"
to you in this area? HDIFAMA?"
"Our intimacy is renewed each time we
"How well do I listen to you when we talk
communicate more deeply. HDIFAT?"
about sex? Do I truly listen to you,
or do I just hear you? Are there behaviors
"What is the most effective way I can
that get in the way of me listening
communicate forgiveness?"
to you in this area? HDIFAMA?"

"What could I do to break down barriers

between us?" DYFID." "What steps can we take to talk more about
us?"

"HDIF when there is silence between us?"

 Conflict "How do I feel when you take up too much
of my time? HDMAMMF?"
"After we have had a fight, what is the most
"What negative attitudes and behaviors do I
positive thing that comes out of
display during difficult situations
it? HDIFAMA?"
or periods? How do I feel about this?"
"How do I feel when you do something that
"What do I need from you when we are
disrupts my plans? Describe in loving
trying to get through a difficult situation
detail."
or period? How do I feel sharing this with
you?"
"Do I accept myself? Why or why not?
HDIFAMA?"
"After a fight, is it easy or hard for my to ask
for forgiveness? Why? HDIFAMA/"
"What is most likely to cause a disagreement
when we are trying to make a
"What feelings do I have about selecting
decision? HDIFAMA?"
dialogue questions that appear
difficult? HDIFA sharing this with you?"
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
help, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
"What are the topics I avoid in dialogue?
What are my feelings about my answer?"
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
solace, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
"What do I need from you when we are
trying to get through a difficult situation
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
or period? HDIF sharing this with you?"
comfort, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I ever change what I write or say to
"Am I more likely to voice my discontent
avoid conflict or argument? Why?
and disapproval, or do I hold my tongue
HDIFAMA?"
to avoid causing problems? HDIFAMA?"
"What do I dislike most about myself when
"What is my mask when we have an
we fight? HDIFAMA?"
argument? HDIFAT?"
"How do we usually handle conflict in our
"HDIF when we disagree in front of others?"
relationship? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when I see anger or annoyance on
"How do I feel when someone interrupts me
your face?"
while I am talking to you? Describe in
loving detail."
"Do I ever change what I write or say to
avoid conflict or argument? Why?
"How do I feel just before I tell you
HDIFAMA?"
something I don't think you will like?
Describe in loving detail."
"What is the best thing for me to do when I
get angry? HDMAMMF?"
"How do I feel when your needs seem to be
in conflict with mine? Describe in "How can we avoid non-productive fights?
loving detail." HDIFTYT?"

"When we have disagreements on "Is fighting a constructive means of

Retrouvaille, do I/we play fair, or fight communication between us?"
dirty?
HDIFAMA?" "After conflict, am I still feeling hurt?
DYFID?"
"What comments about myself am I most
likely to take personally? HDTMMF?" "After a fight am I still pretending not to
care? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when someone insults one of
my ideas? Describe in loving detail." "HDIF when we argue because we
remember things differently?"
"What is most likely to cause a disagreement
when we are trying to make a "HDIF when we negotiate a compromise
decision? HDIFAMA?" between us?"

"What is the biggest challenge facing us this "After our last fight, who got hurt? How?
week? What can I do to help you HDIFAT?"
through it? HDIFAMA?"
"We tend to compete against each other in
In what area do we have hurt in our _______ . HDIFAT?"
relationship? HDIF sharing this with you?
"HDIF when I try holding my temper?"
Do I sometimes provoke fights even if I
don't start them? HDIFAMA? "What words would I take back if I could?
HDIFAT?
How do I feel when I would like to say no,
but don't think I can? Describe in
loving detail.

"How do we usually deal with conflict in our

relationship? HDIFAMA?"

"How do I usually deal with conflict in my

relationships? HDIFAMA?"

"How do I feel when I/we are in a hurry to

leave, and someone stops by and
wants/needs to talk? Describe in loving
detail."

"How do I feel when we are torn between

our families?"
 Death "What kind of death frightens me the most?
HDIFAMA?"
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
"What would I do differently today if I knew
death? HDIFAT?"
I wouldn't have you tomorrow?
HDMAMMF?"
"What do I hope to gain in the area of death?
HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when someone close to me
dies? Describe in loving detail."
"What do I like best about you in the area of
death? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about you in the area of

death? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about myself in the area

of death? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about myself in the

area of death? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about us in the area of

death? HDIFAT?"

"What mask do I wear in the area of death?

HDIFAT?"

"When am I least open to listen to you in the

area of death? HDIFAT?"

"In the area of death what feeling do I find

most difficult to share with you?
Describe feelings in loving detail."

"How do I feel knowing that today could be

my last day? Describe in loving
detail."

"If I was about to die, and only had time to

tell you one sentence, what would
it be? HDIF telling you this?"

"If I found out I was going to die today, how

would I feel about the way I've
lived the last few weeks? Describe in loving
detail."
 Dialogue "Do I sometimes write something different
than what I feel in order to protect
you or myself? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about the phrase, 'Dialogue is
my gift of myself to you?'
"How do I feel when others think they don't
Describe in loving detail."
need to dialogue? Describe the
feeling in loving detail."
"How do I usually feel when I don't want to
dialogue? Describe in loving
"What effect has dialogue made in our daily
detail."
lives? HDTMMF?"
"What is the most difficult part of my/our
"In what way has our dialogue made us grow
dialogue? HDIFAMA?"
in the last week? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel about my (or our) dialogue?
"Where on my list of priorities did I place
Describe in loving detail."
our dialogue today? HDIFAT?"
"What proof is there in our life that dialogue
"Since dialogue, am I more comfortable
is important to our relationship?
talking about sex and death with other
HDIFAMA?"
people? HDIFAT?"
"Dialogue questions are sometimes silly.
"What feelings do I have about selecting
HDIFAT?"
dialogue questions that appear
difficult? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"What have I learned about myself through
dialogue? HDIFAMA?"
"Listening is most difficult for me when...
How do I feel about this?
"Have we been open in our daily dialogue?
HDIFAMA?"
"Since we added dialogue into our lives,
how am I experiencing you differently?
"What aspect of dialogue is hardest for me,
HDTMMF?"
or I am most uncomfortable with?
(writing, listening, describing my feeling,
"How has your writing a dialogue letter to
etc.) How do I feel sharing this
me, each time you do, affected our
with you?"
relationship? HDTMMF?"
"Have we been open in our daily dialogue?
"How have we benefitted by choosing to
HDIFAMA?"
dialogue at home? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"How do I feel when someone asks me/us,
'How is your dialogue?' Describe in
"Do I ever use our dialog letter for
loving detail."
something other than sharing my feelings
with you? HDIF sharing this with you?"

"How has dialog changed our lives?

HDIFAMA?" "How do I feel about the honesty and
openness of our dialogue? HDIF sharing this
with you?"

"What can we do to improve our dialog?

HDIF sharing this with you?"

"What sacrifices am I willing to make for

our daily Dialogue? HDMAMMF?"

"What Dialogue has meant the most to me?

HDIF telling you this?"

"Is describing my feelings in a letter easy or

hard to do? HDIFAMA?"

"What has dialog taught me about myself?

HDIFT?"

"If dialogue is so important to our

relationship, why do we miss?
HDMAMMF?"

"What am I willing to do to make our

dialogue better this week?" HDIFAMA?"

"What areas do I most like to dialogue

about?"

"How has dialogue made you more

important in my life?"
 Dreams
"What is my dream for our involvement in
Retrouvaille? HDIF sharing this with
you?"

"What dreams do I have for this year? Are

they realistic? HDIFAMA?"

"Do I have any dreams that I have not shared

with you? HDIF sharing this with
you?"

"What were the dreams we had for our

children? HDIFAMA?"

"What are my dreams for us as we grow

older? HDIFAMA?"

"What family atmosphere do I dream of for

our home? HIDFAMA?"

"What are my dreams for our sexual

relationship? HDIF telling you this?"

"What dream do I have for Retrouvaille in

our area? HDIFAMA?"

"When God made me, what do I think were

His dreams for me? HDMAMMF?"
 Emotions "HDIF when I realize that I am responsible
for my own feelings?"
"How do I feel when you are too tired to
"HDIF when my plans for the day, a project
respond to me?"
an outing, etc., are disrupted?
Describe your feelings in loving detail."
"How do I feel when I reveal my thoughts
and feelings to you on an issue, and
"HDIF when you bring up past hurts?"
you respond as I expected you to? Describe
in loving detail."
"In what areas/ways do I think I am taken for
granted for? HDIF about telling
"How do I feel when I fail at something?
you this?"
Describe in loving detail."
"What disappointments have I kept to
"How do I feel when we are on a trip and get
myself? HDIF sharing this with you now?"
a flat tire? Describe in loving
detail."
"What things, actions, ideas, do I find the
most threatening? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when we are lost? Describe
in loving detail."
"How am I hard on myself for things I've
done in the past? HDIFAMA? [7/23/96]
"How do I feel when I/you have an accident?
Describe in loving detail."
"How does success affect my self-image?
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when I try to hold in my....
(anger, joy, disappointment, etc.)?
"How does failure affect my self-image?
Describe in loving detail."
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when I find out, after the
"More people would learn from their
fact, that someone has lied to me?
mistakes if they weren't so busy denying
Describe in loving detail."
them.' -Harold J. Smith Do I deny my
mistakes or do I learn from them?
"How do I act (behave) when I am upset
HDTMMF?"
(angry or mad) with you? HDIF sharing
this with you?"
"What feeling in myself do I have the
hardest time accepting and why? HDIF
"Do I keep my pain, hurt, or disillusionment
telling you this?"
to myself? Why? HDIF sharing this
with you?"
"Am I smiling more now than I was three
months ago? HDIFAMA?"
"It is difficult to write about feelings.
HDTMMF?"
"HDIF when you greet me warmly after a
tough day?"
"HDIF when I am given advice by others
that I did not ask for?"
"HDIF when I share an uncomfortable
feeling with you?" "HDIF when I see a characteristic of yours in
one of our children?"
"HDIF when we pray together?"
"HDIF knowing that today could be our last
day to love?" "HDIF about having God in our
relationship?"
"HDIF about us when we hear our favorite
song?" "HDIF when you express need for leisure
time?"
"HDIF when you lost your patience with
me?" "HDIF when we receive communion
together?"
"HDIF when I am watching you and you
don't know it? "In what way has our acceptance of each
other created a new world for us? What
"HDIF when you give me a sincere are my feelings about that?"
compliment?"
"HDIF about your openness to me in our
"HDIF rereading your 90/90 loveletter from lovemaking?"
our weekend?"
"HDIF when I am naked in front of you?"
"HDIF when I think you are paying more
attention to others than to me?" "Do I think I release my anger and
frustration appropriately or inappropriately?
"HDIF when you put the children ahead of HDIFAMA?"
us?"
"What am I most disillusioned with in my
"Do I still judge you and try to change your life? HDIFAMA?"
feelings in touchy areas? HDMAMMF?"
"Recently, when have I felt the most alone?
"What is my greatest fear about my death? Describe in loving detail."
HDTMMF?"
"How do I feel when I see you crying?
"When I realize I have hurt you, what are my Describe in loving detail."
feelings?"
"What negative feeling do I experience the
"When I think about living without you, most? HDIFAMA?"
what are my feelings?"
"How do I feel when you feel hurt? Describe
"When you are passionate, what are my in loving detail."
feelings? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"How do I feel when someone insults one of
"When I know you are praying for me, what my ideas? Describe in loving detail."
are my feelings?"
"How would I feel about changing places "How do I feel when I hear about someone
with you for a day if I could?" who has been abused? Describe in loving
detail."
 "How do I feel about all the Holiday bustle?
"How do I feel about making a monetary Describe in loving detail."
sacrifice so that others can attend a
weekend? Describe in loving detail." "Are there any hurts between us that I need
to be healed of before our
"How do I feel about the role the relationship can continue to grow?
pastor/priest/rabbi played in our wedding? HDIFAMA?"
Describe in loving detail."
"How do I feel about the way we spend our
"How would I feel if someone threw a rock Holidays? Describe in loving detail."
through one of our windows on purpose?
Describe in loving detail." "How do I feel about our current level of
involvement with our families?
"How do I feel when we are asked to do Describe in loving detail."
something, and I/we say 'yes' when I
would rather say 'no?' Describe in loving "How do I feel about our involvement with
detail." our church and the activities there?
Describe in loving detail."
"How do I feel about the way I spend my
spare time? Describe in loving detail." "How do I feel about your/my/our
involvment with work? Describe in loving
"Lately, have I accepted your feelings, detail."
merely tolerated them, or rejected them?
HDIFAMA?" "How do I feel when we cry after watching a
movie together? Describe in loving
"Lately, my biggest disappointment has detail."
been... HDIFAT (besides disappointed)?"
"How do I feel when we have to work
"How do I feel when I realize I've done together on a project? Describe in loving
something thoughtless and hurt you? detail."
Describe in loving detail."
"What are me feelings knowing that that
"The thing I most fear is... HDIF sharing this somewhere, there is a weekend going on
with you?" right now? HDIF sharing this with you?"

"How would I feel about the idea of having "What are my feelings about this week in the
to spend Christmas without you? modern world? HDIF sharing this
Describe in loving detail." with you?"

"How do I feel being around a room full of "How do I feel when you laugh at me?
children? Describe in loving detail." HDIFTYT (How Do I Feel Telling You
This)?"
"What feeling is most likely to be the source "How do I feel when you feel hurt? Describe
of my anger? Describe the feeling in loving detail."
in loving detail."
"How would I feel about changing places
with you for a day if I could?" sharing this with you?"

"How do I feel when I hear about someone "On the weekend we heard that feelings are
who has been abused? Describe in loving neither right nor wrong. What was
detail." your reaction to hearing this on your
weekend? What is your reaction today?
"When lately did I judge my feeling(s) was HDYAMMF?"
one(s) I should not have? Why?
Describe the feeling in loving detail." "What was your strongest feeling today?"
HDIFAT?"
"I judge I cry... (freely, rarely, easily, etc.)
What is _most_ likely to result "When I reflect on what a gift you are to me,
in me crying? HDIFAMA?" I feel ____ ? HDTMMF?"

"Even though our masks are a barrier in our "What feeling haven't I shared with you this
relationship, there is a reason we week because I thought you wouldn't
where them. They give us strength to deal accept me?" HDIFAMA?"
with the world. If we can identify the
strengths our mask give us, we can retain "To become more fully human and lovable
them when we lower the masks to be and at the same time achieve a greater
ourselves with our spouses. What strengths growth in my married life, how can I stop
do I have because of the mask I wear? hiding my emotions? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"To become more fully human and lovable
"What limits do I have because of the mask I and at the same time achieve a greater
wear? HDIFAMA?" growth in my married life, how can I stop
holding onto my fears? HDMAMMF?"
"How does my mask cause me to be a
married single? HDIFAMA?" "I am most vulnerable when... HDIF sharing
this with you?"
"What fears do I have of growing old? HDIF
sharing this with you?" “I am most confident when... HDIF sharing
this with you?"
"Do I consider myself an optimist, pessimist,
or realist? HDIF feel sharing this "How do I feel when you say "no" to me?
with you?" Describe in loving detail."

"How do I feel when you bring me a "I feel rejected most when... Describe in
surprise? Describe in loving detail." loving detail."

"When am I most frustrated with you? HDIF

"I feel the loneliest when... HDIF telling you
this?" "How do I feel going out alone at night?
Describe in loving detail."
"Do I hide my true feelings from others?
HDIFAMA?" "Do I consider your feelings when making
decisions that affect you? HDIFAMA?" in loving detail."

"Thinking about retirement, I feel... Describe "How do I feel about our home? Describe in
in loving detail." loving detail."

"What feelings do I experience when I share "How do I feel about our dialog? Describe in
with you? HDMAMMF?" loving detail."

"How do I handle my jealous feelings? How "How do I feel about the coming Holidays?
could I handle them more Describe in loving detail.'
constructively? HDMAMMF?"
"How do I feel about where we are this year
"How do I feel about the concept, 'Let go compared to last year at this time?
and let God'? HDMAMMF?" Describe in loving detail."

"How do I feel when my priorities and "How do I feel about my home? Describe in
actions are inconsistent with each other? loving detail."
HDMAMMF?"
"How do I feel about my dialog? Describe in
"What are my feelings when I receive my loving detail."
partner's personal reflection and
dialogue? HDMAMMF?" "How do I feel about the coming Holidays?
Describe in loving detail."
"What am I doing to bring joy to our
relationship? HDMAMMF" "How do I feel about where I am this year
compared to last year at this time?
"What makes me feel most united or Describe in loving detail."
coupled? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when I lose control over a
"How do I feel when I hear there is a big situation? Describe in loving detail."
storm coming and you are not home?
Describe in loving detail." "How do I feel when someone is making fun
of me? Describe in loving detail."
"How do I feel when I see you suffering?
Describe in loving detail." "How do I feel when I have to apologize
"How do I feel when I want to spend time even when I don't think I did anything
with you, but you do want to/are too wrong? Describe in loving detail."
busy/etc.? Describe in loving detail."
"I have difficulity sharing my feelings about
"How do I feel about our church? Describe _____. HDTMMF?"
"What are two specific areas in which I
tolerate your feelings and how does this "When over the last week did I not accept
generally cause me to act? HDMAMMF?" your feelings? HDIF telling you this
now?"
"What area is difficult for me to share my
feelings about? HDIFTYT?" "How do I feel when someone points out my
failure or weakness in front of "HDIF when I see æthanksÆ shining in your
others? DILD. eyes?"

"When you feel threatened, I feel... DILD." "HDIF about starting over again after a
failure?"
"How would I feel if someone else read my
notebook? DILD." "HDIF about revealing my negative
emotions?"
"When others misjudge me, I feel... DILD."
"HDIF when you are late coming home from
"HDIF when I think I have hurt your work?"
feelings?"
"Change makes me feel ________."
"In what area do I most admire or respect
your feelings?" "HDIF realizing my attitudes and judgments
have caused you pain?"
"HDIF when I reveal my innermost
emotions to you?" "Do I really believe that feelings are neither
right nor wrong?"
"HDIF when you seem annoyed with me?"
"How would I feel tracing your face with my
"What are my feelings as we begin this fingertips?"
week? HDIFTYT?"
"HDIF when we are intimate?"
"How do your insecurities affect me?
HDMAMMF?" "What kind of things frustrate me? HDIF
when it happens?"
"What is the most difficult emotion/feeling
IÆve shared with you recently?" "Star bright nights stir feelings in me of
____."
"HDIF about planning a holiday with you?"
"HDIF about your smile?"
"HDIF when IÆm alone?"
"When IÆm lonely, I think of _________ . "HDIF when we share deeply with those
HDMAMMF?" around us?"

"HDIF when I make encouraging comments "HDIF when you seem to appreciate me?"
to you?"

"In what ways am I afraid to look ahead?

HDMAMMF?" "I would feel special if _______ . DYFID"

"HDIF about going to bed angry?" "HDIF when I judge myself as inadequate,
guilty, or unlovable?"
"When IÆm hurt, IÆd appreciate it if you
would ________ ." "HDIF when I react rather than respond to
you?"

"Do I give and get enough emotional

support? HDMAMMF?"

"In what ways do I feel IÆm taken for

granted? HDIFAMA?"

"HDIF when you shut me off?"

 Expectations "What expectations do I have of you? Are
my expectations being met? HDIFsharing
this with you?"
"What would I like to get accomplished this
week? HDIFAMA?"
"What expectations do I have of God? Are
they being met? HDIFAMA?"
"Am I satisfied with my life? (What would I
change? What wouldn't I change?)
"What expectation(s) of mine was not met
HDIFAM answer(s)?"
this last week? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when you are sick and all of the
"What expectations do I have for Valentine's
family responsibilities fall on me?"
day? HDIFA sharing this with you?"
"What expectations do I have for my/our
"How do I feel when you do not share your
Retrouvaille involvement? Are they being
plans with me? Describe in loving
met? HDIFAMA?"
detail."
"What expectations do I have of my
"Where would I like to be next year at this
family?"
time? HDIFAMA?"
"What expectations do I have of your
"How do I feel when I realize that I am not
family?"
who you thought me to be? Describe
in loving detail."
"What expectations do I have of our
family?"
"What goal would I like to achive in the next
few months? HDIFAMA?"
"What expectations do I have of our
children?"
"How do I feel when I judge I let you/others
down? Describe in loving detail."
"What expectations do I have concerning
our finances? Are they being met?
"Do we have a role to fulfill in other
HDIFAMAs?"
couples' relationships? HDIFAMA?"
"What are my expectations concerning our
"What does the New Year mean to me?
love making? Are they being met?
HDIFAMA?"
Hdifama?"
"Even though you might not expect it, what
"What expectations do I have of my/your
changes do I need to make in my
job? Are they being met? HDIFAMAs?"
behavior that will help me grow closer to
you?" HDMAMMF?"
"What expectations of myself do I have? Do
I live up to them, or not? HDIFAMA?"
"Do my selfish desires create obstacles in
our relationship? HDIFAMA?"

"Do my personal goals conflict with our

goals? HDIFAMA?" "How do I feel when you tell me, 'We'll see,'
and I think you really mean, 'No'?
DILD."

"What goals would I like us to achieve this

month? HDIFAT?"

"What are my hopes for our future together?

HDIFAMA?"

"What was my loneliest time this past week?

HDIFTYT?"

"HDIF when you expect more of me than I

am capable of giving right now?"

"Would I feel better keeping weekends

relatively unplanned?"

"Why did we join a support group? HDIFAT

now?"

"Do I accept your ambitions? Do I think you

accept mine? HDIFAT?"

"HDIF when my plans run off the track?"

"How can we live a simple and more

fulfilling life? HDIFTYT?"

"HDIF when I fail to accomplish something

I set out to do?"

"What would I like to accomplish this

summer?"

"When others expect a lot from me, I feel

______ and tend to ______ . HDTMMF?"

"What hinders us from making better

decisions? HDIFAT?"
 Family of Origin "What effect has growing up experiencing
my parents' relationship had on our
"How do I feel when we spend a day with
relationship? What good things have come
our extended families? Describe in
from it? HDIFAMA?"
loving detail."
"What effect has growing up experiencing
"As a child, who was I closest too, and why?
my parents' relationship had on our
HDIF sharing this with you?"
relationship? What not so good things have
come from it? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I (Did I) love my parents just because I
respect them for all they've done
"Do I see myself living the same as my
(did) for me, or is there more to it?
parents or differently? HDMAMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel remembering a time when I
"How do I feel about spending time with
was in trouble as a child? HDIF sharing
your/my family? Describe in loving
this with you?"
detail."
"Who in my childhood most affected my
"How do my childhood dreams of growing
life? HDTMMF?"
up compare to what I am now? HDIFAT?"
"How does my/our relationship with
"How do I feel about our current level of
my/your parents affect us? HDIFAT? (You
involvement with our families?
may
Describe in loving detail."
want to pick one set of parents the first
night, and the other the following
"How are my parents still influencing my
night.)"
life? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I spend enought time with relatives?
"One thing I missed out on in my childhood
HDIFAMA?"
was... HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when I realize my spouse's family's
"How well do I live up to the dreams I had
problems become my problems & vice
for myself when I was young?
versa?" HDIFTYT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What are my feelings when my family's
"Do I harbor hurts, grudges, or hard feelings
aging and health related problems become
from past injuries? HDIFAMA?"
our concern? HDIFTYT?"
"What does Valentine's day mean to me?
"Am I afraid that my parent's health
HDIF sharing this with you?"
problems (Alzheimer's, osteoporosis, heart
disease) will eventually manifest in me as I
"What expectations do I have for Valentine's
age? HDIFTYT?"
day? HDIFA sharing this with you?"
"How have our in-laws contributed
positive/negative change to our family?
HDIFAT?"

"When was the last time I thanked my

mother for being a mom?"

"We are blessed by the love of our families.

HDIFAT?"

"Am I more like my mother or my father?

HDIFAT?"
 Forgiveness "How do I feel after I have forgiven you?
DILD."
"How do I feel when I say to you, 'Please
"What do you do that tells me you forgive
forgive me. I was wrong.' Describe in
me? How do I feel afterwards?"
loving detail."
"How do I feel after I have forgiven you?
"Is there anything you've done that I have
DILD."
not forgiven you for? Why? How do I
feel about my answer?"
"Are we having a lifestyle of forgiveness
and healing? HDMAMMF?"
"What have I done recently that I should ask
you for forgiveness, but have not?
"Is one of us always the first to forgive?
HDIF sharing this with you?"
HDIFAT?"
"After a fight, is it easy or hard for me to ask
"HDIF about forgiving and being forgiven?"
for forgiveness? Why? HDIFAMA?"
"What is the most effective way to
"What is my biggest barrier to forgiving you
communicate forgiveness?"
when I feel hurt? HDIFAMA?"
"What makes it hard to ask for forgiveness?
"What do I find hardest to forgive in myself?
HDIFAT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"When God forgives me, why canÆt I
"How do I feel after I have forgiven you?
forgive myself? DYFILD."
Describe in loving detail."
"HDIF about the advice, æforgive and
"No offense by another person could
forgetÆ?"
possibly equal our guilt before God, yet He
has forgiven us; are we not obligated to
"HDIF when you apologize to me?"
show the same mercy to others? HTMMF?
"HDIF when you ask for my forgiveness?"
"Emotions: Can You Trust Them?" p. 92.
What have you done that I have not
"What is the most effective way I can
forgiven you for? HDTMMF?"
communicate forgiveness?"
"To become more fully human and lovable
"Are we having a lifestyle of forgiveness
and at the same time achieve a greater
and healing? HDMAMMF?"
growth in my married life, how can I be
more gentle with myself?" HDMAMMF?"
"Is one of us always the first to forgive?
HDIFAT?"
"How have I experienced forgiveness in our
relationship? HDTMMF?" "What do you
"HDIF about forgiving and being forgiven?"
do that tells me you forgive me? How do I
feel afterwards?"
"What is the most effective way to
communicate forgiveness?" "What makes it hard to ask for forgiveness?
HDIFAT?"

"When God forgives me, why canÆt I

forgive myself? DYFILD."

"HDIF about the advice, æforgive and

forgetÆ?"

"HDIF when you apologize to me?"

"HDIF when you ask for my forgiveness?"

"What is the most effective way I can

communicate forgiveness?"
 Friends "What friendship has meant the most to me
this week and why (besides spouse)?
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when we have a large
number of people over? Describe in loving
"How do I respond to overtures of friendhsip
detail."
from someone I have already decided
to reject? HDIFAMA?"
"Which Retrouvaille couple do I feel closest
to? Why? HDIFAMA?"
"Have I told my friends how important they
are to me? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when I am given advice by others,
but I did not ask for it? HDIFAMA?"
"Am I more likely to make a few close
friends, or many acquaintences?
"Is it difficult for us to pray with our
HDIFAMA?"
friends? HDMAMMF?"
"How important are friendships to the health
"Have we thought about getting together
of our relationship? HDIFAMA?"
with our friends to pray? HDMAMMF?"
"Do we make the time to pray with our
"Are we free to ask our friends for help
friends? HDIFAMA?"
anytime we have a problem? HDIFAMA?
"How do I feel when I/we receive a phone
"HDIF about God's plan for our
call from an old friend I/we haven't
friendships?"
talked to in a long time? Describe in loving
detail."
"HDIF after a night of entertaining friends in
our home?"
"What friend(s) of yours would I rather not
be around? Why? HDIF sharing this
"What barriers or attitudes do I have that
with you?"
keep me from developing an intimate
relationship with our friends? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when an old friend of
yours/mine comes into town and wants to
" 'Very few burdens are heavy when
spend some time with you/me? Describe in
everyone lifts.' -- unknown author Do we
loving detail."
share our burdens with others to lighten the
load, or do we suffer by ourselves?
"How do I feel when someone asks me/us,
HDIFAMA?"
'How is your dialogue?' Describe in
loving detail."
"Do we share our joys with others, and
spread the good news, or do we celebrate
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
alone? HDIFAMA?"
our friends? HDIFAT?"
"When was the last time we called our
"What do I hope to gain in the area of our
special friends just to tell them we love
friends? HDIFAT?"
them? HDMAMMF?"
"What do I like best about you in the area of our friends? HDIFAT?"
"What do I like least about you in the area of
our friends? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about myself in the area

of our friends? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about myself in the

area of our friends? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like best about us in the area of

our friends? HDIFAT?"

"What mask do I wear in the area of our

friends? HDIFAT?"

"When am I least open to listen to you in the

area of our friends? HDIFAT?"

"In the area of our friends what feeling do I

find most difficult to share with
you? Describe feelings in loving detail."

"What qualities do I look for in a friend?

HDIFAMA?"

"What couple, that we know, do I see as

important to us and how have they
affected our life? HDTMMF?"

"How do I feel about other couples

supporting us? HDMAMMF?"

"When was a time we received support

during our difficult times? HDIFAT?"

"Do I spend enought time with friends?

HDIFAMA?"
 Gifts "How do I feel when you go out of your way
to do something nice for me? Describe
in loving detail."
"What do I think are our limits as a couple?
How do I feel about asking others
"What special gift of myself do I offer to you
for help in these areas?"
today? How do I feel sharing this
with you?"
"What gift that I received from you today am
I most thankful for? HDIFSTWY?"
"God gave you to me. How am I treating His
gift to me? HDMAMMF?"
"What do I judge to be my greatest
weakness? HDIFSTWY?"
"What present would I give you today, if I
could give you anything? HDTMMF?"
"Here is a little quote from _Illusions_ by
Richard Bach, 'There is no such
"What would you do if you had a magic
thing as a problem without a gift for you in
wand that could grant any wish? HDIFAT?"
its hands.' HDIFATS?"
"How do I feel when you make a special
"What gift have you given me in the last
effort to make me feel important? DILD"
week, two weeks, month, etc., that I have
really appreciated? How do I feel sharing
"How well do I use the talents given to me
this with you? (It can be a kind word at the
by God? HDIFAMA?"
right time, a hug when it was needed, a
phone call, etc. It shouldn't be a material
"How do I feel about the Blessings and Gifts
item.)"
God has given me/us? DILD”
"What strengths do I think I might have, but
"What gifts do I/we have to offer
I am afraid to try or rely on? HDIFAMA?"
Retrouvaille? HDIFAMA?"
"Which of your qualities do I take for
"What would I/we personally like to try to
granted? Do I compliment you on them?
help make Retrouvaille better?
HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What quality in myself have I discovered
"What gift do I have that I rarely use?
through your eyes? HDIFAT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about the phrase, "Dialogue
"When I reflect on what a gift you are to me,
is my gift of myself to you? Describe
I feel... HDTMMF?"
in detail. HDIFTYT?"
"What special features do I see in you that
"How do I feel when you make a special
fill me with warmth and tenderness?
effort to make me feel important?"
HDIF sharing this with you?"
"God gave you to me. How am I treating His
"What do I say about you when you are not
gift to me? HDMAMMF?"
around? HDIFAMA?"
"A time when I/we went the extra mile to help someone out was... How do I feel
recalling this?"
"What have I done today to help others?
"What will I give up or do in the coming HDIFAMA"
year to follow God's plan for us? HDIFAT?"
"If I could dedicate a song to you today,
"How do I feel about the time we spend with what would it be and why? HDIF sharing
our family and the quality of it? this with you?
What would I like to change if I could?
HDFTMMF?" "Have I been critical of you or accepting of
you this week? HDMAMMF?"
"If I could change one and only one thing
about the world, what would it be? "What do I consider my strengths? HDIF
HDIFAMA?" sharing this with you?"

"What talent do I wish I had that I do not? "I see you as someone very special because...
HDIF telling you about this?" HDIFSTWY?"

"What special gift of myself do I offer to you "Do I give more than I receive, or receive
today? HDIF sharing this with more than I give? HDIFAMA?"
you?"
"When was the last time I complemented
"What is my favorite gift from you? you? DYFID."
HDIFAT?"
"Have I brought healing to you recently?
"What prevents me from being generous to HDIFAT?"
you and others? HDIFAT?"
"How can you help me realize my good
"What potentials have you helped me qualities?"
develop? HDMAMMF?"
"HDIF when I see æthanksÆ shining in your
"What do I need from you, my partner, to eyes?"
help me develop my potential?
HDMAMMF?" "The greatest gift a mother can give to her
children is ____ ."
"My most unusual ability/talent is... HDIF
sharing this ability/talent with
others?"

"What gift of myself have I given to you

today? HDIFAMA?"

"What gift did I give back to God today?

HDIFAMA?"
"What attribute/ability/gift of yours am I
most proud to share with others? How
do I feel sharing this with you?"
 God/Theology "What are my feelings about having God in
our relationship?"
"What do I do that keeps me from being
closer to God? HDIFAMA?"
"Is Jesus/God in my heart, or just in my
mind? HDIFAMA?"
"How have I experienced God's love through
the people He has placed in my life's
"What will I give up or do in the coming
journey? HDTMMF?"
year, to follow God's plan for us?
HDUFAMA?"
"What positive actions will I take to change
a pressure into a blessing?
"What do I think God wants for us?
HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What have we done this week to help do
"What do I judge as the most important
God's work? HDIFAMA?"
things I pray about? HDIF sharing this
with you?"
"How am I failing to live God's plan for my
life? HDIFAT?"
" 'God will give us nothing we can't handle.'
What this doesn't say is that we
"Would I treat God as I did you today?
must ask for His loving assistance
HDMAMMF?"
sometimes (most of the time?). But with His
assistance, we can truly perform wonders!
"Our love for each other is a reflection of
HDTMMF?"
God's love for us. HDTMMF?"
"What could I do to help myself understand
"How do I feel when I realize that God is
God better? HDIFAMA?"
speaking to me through you?"
"What do I see in God that makes me love
"How do I feel hearing Jesus say these
Him? HDIFAMA?"
words to me: 'The gift you have received,
give as a gift.'?"
"HDIFA being (Catholic, Jewish, Lutheran,
Methodist, etc?)" (pick the religion
"Jesus is counting on us to make His love
that applies to you)
believable. HDTMMF?"
"Do I measure myself by God's Standards, or
"Do I go to church to give or to get?
the modern world's standards?
HDTMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"God expects us to be our brothers' keeper.
"Do I accept the burdens God has given me,
HDIFAT?"
or do I try to overcome in spite of
them? HDIFAMA?"
"Where am I with you and God today?
HDIFAT?"
" 'Faith goes up the stairs that love has made, "Am I still striving for a deeper more loving
and looks out the window which relationship with God, or have I
hope has opened.' -C. H. Spurgeon HDIFA stopped because I judge I've done enough?
this quote?" HDIFAMA?"

" 'Four things to learn in life: To think "How well do I think I show my love to
clearly without hurry or confusion; To God? HDIFAMA?"
love everybody sincerely; To act in
everything with the highest motives; To " 'We should give God the same place in our
trust God unhesitatingly.' -Helen Keller HD hearts that He holds in the
this quote MMF?" universe.' -- Anonymous Where is God's
place in my heart? HDIFAMA?"
"God often allows our hearts to be broken so
that He can beautify our soul. "What can I do to make God a bigger part of
HDIFA this statement?" our life? HDIFAMA?"

"Obedience belongs to us; results belong to "Is Jesus/God in my heart, or just in my

God. HDTMMF?" mind? HDIFAMA?"

" 'God is kind and merciful, slow to get " 'It is a well-known fact that a child
angry, and full of love.' -- Psalms identifies his parents with God,
145:8. Am I to others as God is to me? whether or not the adults want that role.'
HDIFAMA?" -The Strong-Willed Child, p 171. What
are my feelings on this passage? How do I
"Do I go to church to give or to get? feel being God to our children? HDIF
HDTMMF?" sharing this with you?"

"God expects us to be our brothers' keeper. "In what ways am I willing to purify myself
HDIFAT?" to become Holy? HDIFAT?"

"HDIF when I realize that God is speaking "What are my feelings about the Trinity of
to me through you?" God?" HDIFAT?

"HDIF hearing Jesus say these words to me Before answering the question, meditate on
'The gift you have received, give as a John 9. A question for all:
gift.'?" "I, too, like the man in John 9, was born so
that the works of God could be made
"How do I see God reflected through our manifest in me. How are the works of God
minister, pastor, priest, or rabii? made manifest in me? HDIFAT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"Where do I believe God has called us in
"How can we make God more present in our ministry as a couple? HDIFAMA?"
dialogue? HDIFAMA?"
"My prayers are answered in God's time not
my time. HDTMMF?"
"How do I feel when I realize that God has spoken to me through you? Describe in
loving detail." area of God and our faith?

"He is Risen! How does this make me feel?" "What do I like best about us in the area of
God and our faith? HDIFAT?"
"Jesus would have died for me even if I was
the only person on earth. HDIFAT?" "What mask do I wear in the area of money?
HDIFAT?"
"Would I have been able to stay at the
Garden of Gethsemane knowing what was "When am I least open to listen to you in the
going to happen? HDIFAMA?" area of God and our faith? HDIFAT?

"How would I feel if one of my family "In the area of God and our faith what
decided to become a feeling do I find most difficult to share
priest/minister/rabbi/etc.? Describe in loving with you? Describe feelings in loving
detail." detail."

" 'A closed heart can only be opened from "What Christ/God-like qualities do I see in
the inside.' Is my heart fully open to you? HDIF sharing this with you?"
you? If not, where do I need to improve?
HDIFAMA?" "The priest/religious/minister/etc. that has
most helped me/us to experience
"How do I feel about discussing religon with God's love for us is/was... HDIFAMA?"
someone who's views differ from
mine? Describe in loving detail." "The couple that has most helped me/us to
experience God's love for me/us
"If I could convince people of only one is/was... HDIFAMA?"
aspect of Jesus' message what would it
be? HDIFAMA?" "When something bad happens to me do I
allow it to effect our relationship
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of and/or my relationship with God?
God and our faith? HDIFAT?" HDIFAMA?"

"What do I hope to gain in the area of God "What is my idea of heaven? HDIFAT?"
and our faith? HDIFAT?"
"What is our relationship with God, today?
"What do I like best about you in the area of HDMAMMF?"
God and our faith? HDIFAT?"
"Do I wish to deepen the experience of God
"What do I like least about you in the area of in our relationship? If so, how?
God and our faith? HDIFAT?" HDMAMMF?"

"What do I like best about myself in the area "Do we serve the world or God?
of God and our faith? HDIFAT?" HDIFAMA?"
"What do I like least about myself in the
"What gift did I give back to God today?
HDIFAMA?" "How does the redemptive power of Jesus
Christ in my life make me feel about my only on Sunday. HDIFAT?"
past (your past)?"
"If Christ dropped in to visit today, would
"When did I feel closest to God and you in He feel at home?"
our lovemaking? HDIF sharing this
with you?" "How has Lent prepared us for Holy Week?"

"Do I think God led me to Retrouvaille or "Have I ever felt the power of the Holy
Retrouvaille led me to God? HDMAMMF?" Spirit?"

"When God made me, what do I think were "What memories of Easter do I cherish
His dreams for me? HDMAMMF?" most?"

"How do I feel attending church together? "HDIF knowing God planned for us to be
HDIFTYT?" together?"

"What can I do to help you experience more "How has our inability to live out GodÆs
of GodÆs Love? DYFID." Plan for our marriage affected us?"

"In what way has God worked in my life "God hears and sees all I do. HDIFAT?"
today? HDMAMMF?""
"What are my thoughts when I hear, æGod
"I am one of GodÆs gifts to you. HDIFAT?" does not make junkÆ?"

"What does the season of Lent mean to me?" "What activity helps me grow as a
Christian?"
"HDIF about renewing myself this Lent?"
"If God is for us, who could be against us?
"What would I like to accomplish this HDTMMF?"
season of Lent?"

"How do I recognize Christ in you?"

"How can our family gain strength in the

Holy Family?"

"Are our sacrifices meaningful or just a

requirement of Lent?"

"HDIF about my spiritual growth during this

Lenten season?"

"How can I be an inspiration to our family

during Lent?"

"We are the church seven days a week, not

 Group Questions mind? HDIFAMA?"
"My favorite memory of Christmas is...
HDIF sharing this?"
"How do I feel about being in our C.O.R.E.
or Sharing group? Describe in loving
"The thing I most fear is... HDIF sharing
detail." For those who aren't in a C.O.R.E. or
this?"
Sharing group,
How do I feel about joining a group?
"Do I consider myself an optimist, pessimist,
Describe in loving detail."
or realist? HDIF sharing this?"
"Is there anything I did this week that I
"How do I feel about the coming end of the
regret? HDIFAMA?"
year and new year?"
"What gift do I have that I rarely use?
"How do I feel about today? HDMAMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when I realize I've done
"How do I feel when I've had a very stressful
something thoughtless and hurt someone?
day? What are my feelings sharing
this with you?"
"What gift do I have that I rarely use?
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel this week living in the
modern world? How do I feel sharing this
"What topic would I most like to see
with you?"
discussed in our Retrouvaille community?
HDIFAMA?"
"What are me feelings knowing that
somewhere, there is another weekend going
"What do I see in God that makes me love
on
Him? HDIFAMA?"
right now? How do I feel sharing this with
you?"
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
help, my friends or God?
"If I were an animal, what would I be?
HDIFAMA?"
HDMAMMF?"
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
"How do I feel when we have to work
comfort, my friends or God?
together on a weekend? HDMAMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"If I could change one thing, and only one
"What could I do to help myself understand
thing, about the world, what would it
God better? HDIFAMA?"
be? HDIFAMA?"
" 'We should give God the same place in our
"What fears do I have of growing old? HDIF
hearts that He holds in the
sharing this with you?"
universe.' -- Anonymous Where is God's
place in my heart? HDIFAMA?"
"Is Jesus/God in my heart, or just in my
"How do I feel when someone asks me, "What expectation(s) of mine was not met
'How is your dialogue?' Describe in this last week? HDIFAMA?"
detail."
" 'A closed heart can only be opened from
"Lately, my biggest disappointment has the inside.' Is my heart fully open to
been... HDIF about this (besides God? If not, where do I need to improve?
disappointed)?" HDIFAMA(s)?"

"One of my heroes is... Why? HDIFAMA?" "I enjoy my relationship with people the
most when. . . HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when God's Will seems to be
in conflict with my needs? Describe "Am I more likely to take things too lightly,
in detail." or worry too much? HDIFAMA?"

"I think I am best known for... HDIFAMA?" "A time when I/we went the extra mile to
help someone out was. . . HDIF
" 'As long as I have love in my heart, I will recalling this?
always have something to give to
others.' HDIFAT?" "When I feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc. (pick
one, or one of your own) what is
"What is the motivating force in my life? the best thing someone can do for me?
HDIFAMA?" HDIFAMA?"

"How do I think people perceive me? "My whole life should be a prayer to God.
HDIFAMA?" How well do I live this? HDIFAMA?"

"Lately, have I accepted peoples feelings, "Am I still striving for a deeper more loving
merely tolerated them, or rejected relationship with God, or Have I
them? HDIFAMA?" stopped because I judge I've done enough?
HDIFAMA?"
"I judge I failed as/at... HDIFAMA?"
"Jesus would have died for me even if I was
"How do I feel about the way I spend my the only person on earth. HDIF about
spare time? Describe in loving detail." this?

"How do I feel about discussing religion "How do I feel about the blessings and gifts
with someone who's views differ from God has given me? Describe in
mine? Describe in loving detail." loving detail."

" 'An admission of error is a sign of strength "How do I feel about the role God played in
rather than weakness.' Is it easy my vows? Describe in loving detail."
or hard for me to admit my mistakes?
HDIFAMA?" "What strengths do I have because of the
mask I wear? HDIFAMA?"

"What comments about myself am I most likely to take personally? HDTMMF?"

 "How do I feel when I make a promise to do
"What expectations do I have of my something, but need to break it
Retrouvaille involvement? Are they being because of something even more important?
met? Describe in loving detail."
HDIFAMA?"
"How can I be more open to those around
"What TV shows do I watch most often? me? HDIFAMA?"
What does this tell me about myself?
HDIFAMA?" "When time is short, do I handle the
situation well, or do I tend to go into
"What am I most disillusioned with in my panic mode? HDIFAMA?"
life? HDIFAMA?"
"Where would I like to go on vacation if I
"How well do I use the talents given to me could go anywhere in the world?
by God? HDIFAMA?" HDIFAMA?"

"Do I think I release my anger and "If I could live my life over again, I would. .
frustration appropriately? HDIFAMA?" . HDIFAT?"

"How do I feel about the way our "One thing I missed from my childhood was.
marriage/my ministry influences those . . HDIFAMA?"
around
us? Describe in loving detail." "Where do I believe God has called me in
ministry? HDIFAMA?"
"How important are friendships to the health
of my relationship with God? "What special gift of myself do I offer to
HDIFAMA?" God today? HDIFAMA?"

"In what aspect of my life do I have the least "How are we different from other couples?
peace? HDIFA this?" HDIFAMA?"

"What aspect of my life brings me the most "I am a better person because of...
peace? HDIFAMA?" HDIFAT?" (Think of someone other than
your
"What does peace mean to me? spouse).
HDIFAMA?"
"The person, place, or thing I miss the most
"How do I feel about the phrase, 'Each day is is... HDIFAT?"
an opportunity for a fresh
start.'? Describe in detail." "How do I feel when I see others struggling?
Describe in loving detail."

"My top priorities in life are... HDIFAMA?"

"If I could have one wish, what would it be atmosphere in my/our country? DILD."
and why? How do I feel telling you
this?" "How do I feel when someone I don't know
well offers me advice? DILD."
"What realistic thing can I do this week to
make it better than last week? "HDIF about getting other peopleÆs advice
HDIFAMA?" for solving our problems?"

"Do I like what I am doing, or am I doing "What family memories of Spring do I have?
what I like? HDIFAMA?" HDMAMMF?"

"I judged you were being selfish when... "What hinders us from making better
How did I feel about this? Describe in decisions? HDIFAT?"
loving detail."

"What about my relationship with God

would I like to improve? HDIFAMA?"

"What would be the hardest thing for me to

give up for a week? Why? HDIFAMA?"

"Do I give or take too much from

you/others? HDIFAMA?"

"In what situation am I most likely to use

exaggeration? HDIFAMA?"

"What do I see as your strengths? HDIF

sharng this with you?"

"Do my selfish desires create obstacles in

my relationship with God? HDIFAMA?"

"Lately, how have I responded to God's call

to me? HDIFAMA?"

"Do my personal goals conflict with the

goals God has for me? HDIFAMA?"

"Do I make other things more important than

God? What? HDIFAMA?"

"God sees me/us as very special because...

HDIFAT?"

"How do I feel about the current political

 Humor "Do we accept each other as we are or do we
try to remodel each other? HDMAMMF?"
"What do you do that makes me laugh?
HDIFAMA?"
"In what ways have I shown my acceptance
of you in the past week? How do I think
" 'Life is what happens while we are making
that has make you feel?"
other plans.' HDIFAT?"
"How have I experienced understanding in
"HDIF when I make you laugh?"
our relationship? HDMAMMF?"
"Of the people I know, who do I judge has
"What about our relationship would I like to
the best sense of humor? HDTMMF?"
improve? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"How do I feel when someone tells a joke
that makes fun of someone of my
"How do I feel when someone plays a
profession, ethnic background, gender, etc.?
practical joke on me? DILD."
Describe in loving detail."

"How do I react to practical jokes?

HDIFAMA?"

"How do I feel when someone plays a

practical joke on me? Describe in loving
detail."

"How do I feel when I hear the sounds of

laughter coming from another building?
Describe in loving detail."

"What would I like to do in the next month

if I knew I had only one month to
live? HDMAMMF?"

"What does our relationship need, the most?

HDIFTYT?"

"How does my self-esteem, or lack of it,

affect our relationship? HDMAMMF?"

"What areas in our marriage are good?

HDIFAT?"

"What areas in our marriage are poor?

HDIFAT?"
"What divides us and causes us to become
"married singles"? HDTMMF?"
 Listening
"How well do I think I listen to you?
HDTMMF?"

"Do I listen better to you or to others?"

HDTMMF?"

"What kind of listener was I before our

Retrouvaille weekend? HDMAMMF?"

"In what ways does my mask interfere with

how I listen to you? HDMAMMF?"

"What was a time during our dialogue that I

felt that you were really listening
to me?" HDMAMMF?"

"What listening skills could improve our

relationship? HDIFTYT?"
 Love "Do I love you more for you, or for God?
(Do I think my love for you is more for
you, or for God) HDIFAMA?"
"What was my biggest challenge in loving
you today? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"a statement: 'As long as I have love in my
heart, I will always have something
"What did I do today to generate a little
to give to others.' HDIFAT?"
more love in the world? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I think our love makes/has made a
"What do I see in you that makes me love
difference in the neighborhood, community,
you? HDIFAMA?"
state, nation, world (pick one)?
HDIFAMA?"
"What do I think about my ability to accept
your loving me? HDIFAMA?"
"What do my answers tell me about myself?
HDIFAT?"
"This is how you have helped me know love,
and donate/give myself (to others).
"How well do I think I show my love to
HDTMMF?"
you? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"What would I say most represents a symbol
"I most need you to love me when...
of our loving relationship? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAT?"
"It is possible to give without loving, but it
"The song that I think represents our love
is impossible to love without
the best is... Why? HDIF sharing this
giving.' -R. Braunstein HDIFAT?"
with you?"
"When was the last time I left you a love
"What do I see in you that makes me love
note? HDMAMMF?"
you? HDIFAMA?"
"Our love for each other is a reflection of
"What did I do today to generate a little
God's love for us. HDTMMF?"
more love in the world? HDIFAMA?"
"What do I love most about you today?
"What can I do tommorrow to generate a
HDTMMF?"
little more love in the world? HDFIFAMA?"
"Jesus is counting on us to make His love
"Do I put conditions on my love for you?
believable. HDTMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when you show me that you love
"Our Love is a journey, not a destination.
me?"
HDIFAT?"
"What do I think and feel when I hear the
"How has my love for you changed since our
statment: 'Love isn't love until you
dating days, wedding, or weekend
give it away?' "
(pick one)? Hdif sharing this with you?"

"What barrier do I have the hardest time overcoming in order to love you? HDIF
sharing this with you?"

"How do I show my love for you?

HDMAMMF?"

"How have I experienced love in our

relationship? HDMAMMF?"

" 'We can do no great things, only small

things with great love.' - Mother
Teresa. How does this make me feel?"

"What conditions do I put on my love for

you? HDIF sharing this with you?

"In what way am I trying to love you the way

God loves us? HDIF sharing this
with you?"

"We have committed ourselves to loving

each other for a lifetime. HDIFAT?"

"HDIF holding hands during church?"

"In what ways do I affirm my love for you?

HDIFAT?"

"Our Lord calls us to love one another

unconditionally. HDIFAT? HDMAMMF?"

"What can I do to show you more love?

HDIFAT?"

"HDIF when I listen patiently to your

heartaches?"
 Marriage "How do I feel when I see you cry after
watching a movie together? Describe in
loving detail."
"How do I feel about us today? Describe in
loving detail."
"How do I feel when we have to work
together on a project? Describe in loving
"What do I do that I think helps bring us
detail."
closer together? HDIFAMA?"
"How have we grown as a couple over the
"What do I control that I should give up to
last year? HDIFAMA?"
help improve our relationship?
HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when I realize I've done
something thoughtless and hurt you?
"God's greatest treasure is you." HDIFAT?"
Describe in loving detail."
"How do I feel when there is no time in the
"What could I do to help you understand me
day (week) for us? Describe in
better? HDIFAMA?"
loving detail."
"What is my favorite memory of us from last
"If I could go back and record any moment
year? HDIF sharing this with you?"
from our past so we could watch it
from time to time, what would it be and
"With what aspect of our relationship am I
why? How do I feel remembering this? How
most comfortable? HDIF sharing this
do I feel about it now?"
with you?"
"What little annoyance(s) have I tried to
"What are my most important values for our
accept but haven't been able to, yet I
relationship? HDIFAMA?"
haven't talked to you about? HDIFAT?"
"What keeps us together as a couple?
"Are there any hurts between us that need to
HDTMMF?"
be healed of before our
relationship can continue to grow?
"What would I say most represents a symbol
HDIFAMA?"
of our loving relationship? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when you are frustrated or
"Do we share the responsibility for making
angry with someone or something else,
decisions? Explain. HDIFAMA?"
but you take that frustration or anger out on
me? Describe in loving detail."
"What non-verbal expression, gesture, or
behavior of yours do I most often rely
"How do I feel when you change your mind
on to help me understand how you feel?
after we've agreed on something, or
HDIF sharing this with you now?"
made a decision on something? Describe in
loving detail."
"Do we have things I consider to be only
mine? HDTMMF?" (clothing doesn't count)

"Am I satisfied with our relationship? If so, should I be? If not, why?
HDIFAMA?" work for real closeness in our
relationship?"
"How and when did I appreciate your beauty
this week? HDIF sharing this with you "HDIF when you make a sacrifice for me?"
now?"
"HDIF about the direction our life together
"How did our relationship reflect God's love is taking?"
today? HDIFAMA?"
"When do I feel closest to you?
"In what areas am I least responsive to you? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"Do I believe you when you reveal my
"It is easier to leave angry words unspoken, goodness? HDMAMMF?"
than to mend a heart those words
have broken.' -- unknown author Lately, "In what area do I most need your help in
have I said any words that were angry living as a sacramental couple? HDIF
and may have hurt you? HDIFAMA?" sharing this with you?"

"How does our schedule affect our "What advise would I give a young bride or
relationship? HDMAMMF?" groom (pick one)? How do I feel about
this?"
"How much of a couple do I really want to
be, and what am I willing to change to "Why did I marry you? Why do I stay
be that couple? HDMAMMF?" married to you? HDIFAMA?"

"What is the best way you support me in our "How do I feel about the way our marriage
relationship? HDTMMF?" influences those around us? Describe
in loving detail."
"What is my most sacred memory of our
wedding day? HDTMMF?" "What do I find most attractive about you?
HDIF sharing this with you?"
"Do I see death as an end to our love
relationship? HDTMMF?" "What stage of love do I think we are in
(Romance, Disillusion, Misery, Joy)?
"How do I still let my mask prevent me from HDIFAMA?"
putting you number one? HDTMMF?"
"How do I feel about marrying you every
"What changes do I have to make to make day? Describe in loving detail."
you number one? HDIFAT?"
"What is my typical behavior when dealing
"What is our best quality as a couple? with a hard time in our relationship?
HDIFAT?" HDIFAMA?”

"HDIF knowing that we will always have to

"What is most appealing to me about being
married? HDIFAMA?" "In general, do I give you more criticism or
praise? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about the time we spend
"Are we still striving for a deeper loving together and the quality of it? What
marriage, or have we stopped because would I like to change if I could?
we judge we've done enough? HDIFAMA?" HDMAMMF?"

"When I feel sad, angry, frustrated, etc. (pick "How do I feel when you are frustrated or
one, or one of your own) what is angry with someone or something else,
the best thing you can do for me? but you take that frustration or anger out on
HDIFAMA?" me? Describe in loving detail."

"What power do I hold over you that may be "What is my favorite memory of us as a
a barrier to our relationship? couple? (without children, just you and
HDIFAMA?" your spouse) How do I feel thinking about
this? HDIF sharing this with you?
"How do I feel about our marriage as a sign
of love to others? Describe in "On a scale of 1-10, where would I like our
loving detail." relationship to be? On the same 1-10
scale, where is our relationship now? HDIF
"What have I given up for our relationship about this? What can I do in the next
that has helped me grow as a person? week to bring our relationship closer to a
HDIF about this?" 10?"

"What have I given up for our relationship "What feelings do I have when I think about
that has held me back in my us being apart for several days?
development as a person? HDIF about this?" HDIF sharing this with you?"

"What have I given up for my calling that "What challenges did I face today in making
has held me back in my development as you the center of my life? How do I
a person? HDIF about this?" feel about this? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"What helps me learn the most about you?
(i.e. dialoguing, making love, sharing "When did I realize that I wanted to spend
our days, quiet time together, etc.) HDIF the rest of my life with you? How do
sharing this with you?" I feel recalling this? What are my feelings
sharing this with you?"
"With what aspect of our relationship am I
most comfortable? HDIF sharing this "Are we as close to each other as we were
with you?" just after our Retrouvaille weekend?
HDIFAMA?"
"What could I do to help you understand me
better? HDIFAMA?"
"What one thing do you do that helps bring "How do I feel about spending the rest of my
me closest to you? HDIF sharing this life with you?"
with you?"
"Are we as close today as we used to be?
HDIFAMA?" "Do I compare our relationship to those
around us? HDIFAMA?"
"When was I most aware of you today?
HDIFAMA?" "Are we equal partners in our decision
making? HDIFAMA?"
"How can I be more aware of the unique
goodness and worth of my spouse?" "Our marriage is a sign of Christ's Love.
HDMAMMF?" How do I think others experienced our
sign today? HDTMMF?"
"How can I delight in my spouse's goodness
without trying to possess him/her? "What is my fondest memory of our
HDMAMMF?" wedding day? HDIFAT?"

"What is one of the greatest moments of our "What is my reaction to seeing couples we
marriage? HDIF sharing this with know and love working on their
you?" relationships? HDIFAT?"

"What do I seek in our relationship? HDIF "In the last week, in what way have I been
sharing this with you?" most supported by you? HDTMMF?"

"Where do I feel most alone in our "How have we shared our relationship with
relationship? How have I communicated this other people in our community, parish,
with you? HDMAMMF?" and neighborhood this week? HDIFAT?"

"Why do I want to make you number one in "What talents do we have as a couple?
my life? What stands in my way? HDIF HDIFAMA?"
sharing this with you?"
"What do I perceive to be the biggest threat
"In what area of my life am I living as a to our relationship? HDIFSTWY?"
married single? HDTMMF?"
"Why did I marry you? HDIF sharing this
"How do I feel about our relationship today with you now?"
compared to before our weekend? HDIF
sharing this with you?" "How do I fel about the way our marriage
influences other people? DILD."
"What kind of a 'sign' do I think we have
been to others this week? HDTMMF?" "How do I feel when we look at pictures
"How do I feel about us being important to from our wedding? DILD."
the church and the world? HDIF
sharing this with you?" "On a scale of 1-10, I would rate the health
of our marriage a... HDIFSTWY?"
"What one thing has most united us this past
week? HDIFAT?" "What do I enjoy about our relationship right
now? HDMAMMF?"
"During an average week, what activities
enhance our relationship?" "We had hopes for each other on our
wedding day. HDIFAT now?"

"In what ways are you still a mystery to me?

HDIFAT?"

"Do we still court each other? HDIFAT?"

"WAMF when I think about us 10 years

from now?

"Have we grown or slipped backward in our

relationship this week? HDIFAT?"

"In an average week, what activities work

against our relationship?"

"Am I doing better accepting you as you

are? DYFILD."

"In what way do I try to modify my behavior

to please you? HDIFAT?"

"How can we put more fireworks into our

marriage?"

"HDIF when I know someone is cheating on

their wife/husband?"

"HDIF when we appear as partners and not

as individuals?"
 Ministry Money "HDIF when I
think about our
"How do I feel about being missionary a for "How do I think
financial
God? Describe in loving detail." our finances affect
position?"
our relationship?
"How do I feel about our involvement with HDIFAMA?"
"What do I think I
our church and the activities there?
most need to
Describe in loving detail." "How do I feel
change about the
about our current
way I use money?
"What do I most like about Retrouvaille? financial
HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?" situation?
Describe in loving
"How do I feel
"What do I least like about Retrouvaille? detail."
about making a
HDIFAMA?"
monetary sacrifice
"What are my
so that others can
"What topic would I most like to see feelings about the
attend a
discussed on Retrouvaille? HDIFAMA?" way we are
weekend?
managing our
Describe in loving
"Full-grown oaks are not produced in three finances?
detail."
years; neither are servants of God.' Describe in
- Douglas Rumford How do I feel about my loving detail."
"How would I feel
service to God? (Am I impatient,
if we won the
dissatisfied, ambivalent, etc.) Describe in "How do I feel
Lottery?
loving detail." about the way we
HDMAMMF?"
balance the check
"Where do I believe God has called us in book? Describe in
"How do I feel
ministry as a couple? HDIFAMA?" loving
about our current
detail."
financial
"How do I feel when I have to do most of
situation? HDIF
the work for a ministry project? "How does our
telling you this?"
Describe in loving detail." financial situation
affect our unity?
"Why do I want to
"What quality of mine keeps me from being How does it affect
dialogue in the
more involved in our our
area of
church/parish/synagogue/etc.? HDIFAMA?" intimacy? HDIFA
possessions?
my answers?"
HDIFAT?"
"In what area of Retrouvaille am I interested
in investing our time, talents, "If we doubled
"What do I hope
support, and love in? HDMAMMF?" our present
to gain in the area
income, would we
of possessions?
"How do I feel about giving our time to be any happier?
HDIFAT?"
helping others? Describe in loving HDMAMMF?"
detail."
"What do I like
"HDIF about the
best about you in
"HDIF about our involvement in the way I/you/we
the area of
church?" handle money?"
possessions? "In the area of open to listen to sharing this
HDIFAT?" possessions what you in the area of with you?"
feeling do I find money?
"What do I like most difficult to HDIFAT?" "HDIF about our
least about you in share with financial pressures
the area of you? Describe "In the area of this time of year?"
possessions? feelings in loving money what
HDIFAT?" detail." feeling do I find "How important is
most difficult to financial security
"What do I like "Why do I want to share with you? to me?"
best about myself dialogue in the Describe feelings
in the area of area of money? in loving detail." "How important
possessions? HDIFAT?" are material things
HDIFAT?" "How do I feel to me?"
"What do I like "What do I hope about our
least about myself to gain in the area financial "Do we ever let
in the area of of money? situation? material things
possessions? HDIFAT?" Describe in loving interfere with our
HDIFAT?" detail." relationship?
"What do I like HDMAMMF?"
"What do I like best about you in "How do I feel
best about us in the area of about donating "How do I see our
the area of money? money to the finances affecting
possessions? HDIFAT?" poor? Describe in our relationship?"
HDIFAT?" loving detail."
"What do I like "HDIF about
"What mask do I least about you in "How do I feel making big
wear in the area of the area of when we need to financial decisions
possessions? money? take out a lone for without you?"
HDIFAT?" HDIFAT?" a major purchase?
Describe in "HDIF when we
"When am I least "What do I like loving detail." would like to do
open to listen to best about myself something but
you in the area of in the area of "How do I feel canÆt afford it?"
possessions? money? about letting
HDIFAT?" HDIFAT?" someone outside "Have we shared
my/our family our material
"What do I like money? borrow my/our blessings with
least about myself HDIFAT?" car? others?
in the area of Describe in loving HDMAMMF?"
money? "What mask do I detail."
HDIFAT?" wear in the area of "What blocks me
money? "In thinking about from talking about
"What do I like HDIFAT?" our finances, what money with you?
best about us in is my strongest
the area of "When am I least feeling? HDIF
 Needs "Do material possessions mean as much to
me as they did before our weekend?
HDMAMMF?"
"How well do I think I do at recognizing and
trying to nourish my needs as
"How does my self-image affect my view of
opposed to my selfish wants? HDIFAMA?"
us? HDMAMMF?"
"What need of mine am I most aware of as
"Where am I most selfish? HDTMMF?"
needing to be nourished? HDIFAMA?"
"Right now, what need of mine (Love,
"Do I think we spend enough time together,
Belonging, Self-worth, or Autonomy) is in
or is the time we spend together
most need of nourishment? HDIFAMA?"
quality time? HDIFAMA?"
"What present would I give you today, if I
"What barriers keep me from sharing with
could give you anything? HDTMMF?"
you my unnourished needs? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about spending the rest of my
"How do we show our respect for each other
life with you?"
in front of others? HDIFAMA?"
"What are my feelings about keeping the
"How do I feel when we are both tired, but
Dream alive?"
still have a lot to do before we can
go to bed? Describe in loving detail."
"How do I act when my need for autonomy,
self-worth, love, or belonging (agree
"Besides my relationship with you, what
on one) is not being met? HDIFAMA?"
other relationships do I seek out to
nourish my needs? HDIF sharing this with
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
you?"
help, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when your needs seem to be
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
in conflict with mine? Describe in
solace, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
loving detail."
"In times of trouble, where do I look first for
"Where do I look for help when I find I am
comfort, you or God? HDIFAMA?"
in over my head? HDIFAMA?"
"What do I most depend upon you for?
"What do I most depend upon you for?
HDIF sharing this with you?"
HDIF sharing this with you?"
"What do I most want for our family this
"HDIF knowing that I cannot fill your needs
New Year? HDIF sharing this with you?"
for you?"
"Besides my relationship with you, what
"Am I sometimes guilty of empty or
other relationships do I seek out to
insincere affirmation? HDIFAMA?"
nourish my needs? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"Do I take credit for other's work? Do I give credit where credit is due?
HDIFAMA?" "Since we have attended the Retrouvaille
program, what need of mine have I
"How do I feel when we are both tired, but identified through my sharing my feelings in
still have a lot to do before we can Dialogue? HDMAMMF?"
go to bed? Describe in loving detail."
"What do I most need from you today?
"When have I experienced your acceptance HDIFAMA?"
of me this week? What are my feelings
about this?" "In what ways do I try to change myself to
please you? HDIFAMA?"
"Am I more concerned with my outer or
inner appearance? HDIFAMA?" "What do I want from this relationship right
now? DYFID"
"Do I judge I have enough freedom?
HDIFAMA?" "When you make me feel wanted, I feel
_________."
"How am I presently recognizing (affirming)
my husband/wife? HDMAMMF?" "HDIF making a list of what I need to get
done this weekend?"
"How would I like to be affirmed and
recognized by my husband/wife? "HDIF when you recognize my needs?
HDIFAMA?" HDIFTYT?"

"What do I do when my need for love, "HDIF when you have done something to
belonging, self-worth, or autonomy (pick make me happy?"
one) are not being nourished? HDIFAMA?"
"What have I done to make you happy this
"What I need most from you tonight is . . .. week? HDMAMMF?"
HDMAMMF?"
"I need support from you in the following
"What I need most to offer you to most areas. HDIFTYT?"
tonight is . . .. HDMAMMF?"

"How do I feel about the phrase: 'My/Our

needs are not problems, but gifts from
God?' Describe in loving detail."

"How accepting of others have I been this

week? HDMAMMF?"

"When recently have I put your needs ahead

of mine? HDTMMF?"

"How do I feel about us being needed by

others?"
 Openness "What advise would I give a young bride or
groom (pick one)? HDIFAMA?"
"What thing or activity would it be difficult
"If I could live my life over again, I would...
for me to give up and why?
HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"In what area do I most need your help in
"What is the side of me that I least like you
living my sacrament/calling? HDIFAMA?"
to see? Describe it. HDIF sharing
this with you now?"
"How do I feel when I think about the
couples and religious that will be making
"What quality of yours helps me to decide to
the next weekend?"
be totally honest with you?
HDIFAT?"
"How do I think we got together? Accident,
Fate or God? HDIFAMA?"
"How can I be more open to those around
me? HDIFAMA?"
"When was a time recently when I tried to
know you better? HDMAMMF?"
"If I could be anyone from history, who
would I be and why? HDIFSTWY?" How
"How do I feel about putting more fireworks
do I
into our life? HDIF sharing this
feel sharing this with you?
with you?"
"Where would I like to go on vacation if I
"When I am open to you, am I also open to
could go anywhere in the world?
God? HDMAMMF?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What promises did I make to you on our
"What is my favorite room of the house and
weekend? How well have I kept those
why? HDMAMMF?"
promises? HDMAMMF?"
"What would you do if you had a magic
"Do I find other women/men attractive?
wand that could grant any wish?
HDIFSTWY?"
HDIFAMA?"
"When do I feel least recognized as a
"If I were asked to draw a picture of
capable person?"
something representing my spouse, what
would I draw? HDIFAMA?"
"How have I changed recently?"
"My greatest goal in life is... HDIFA my
"What strengths do we have to offer each
progress?"
other as a couple?"
"The most interesting thing you've taught me
"What strengths do we have to offer others
is . . .. HDMAMMF?"
as a couple?"

"In what ways am I still æwrapped in a

cocoonÆ? HDIFAT?" "What changes would I like to make in
response to my failures? HDIFTYT?"

"What are the negative effects my mask has

on me? HDMAMMF?"

"What do I find most difficult to talk about

because of my mask? HDIFTYT?"

"What mask am I wearing today?

HDMAMMF?"

"If I could change one thing about myself, I

would change ________. HDIFTYT?"

"Why do I want to be fulfilled by you?

DYFILD."

"Do I sometimes control you instead of

accepting you the way you are? HDIFTYT?"

"What keeps me from showing you what

you really mean to me?"

"Can I identify with hurting couples?

DYFID."
 Pot Luck "Do I prefer grand ideas, plans, and dreams,
or more achievable ideas, plans,
and dreams? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"Do we physically touch enough?
HDIFAMA?"
"What piece of music is especially
meaningful to me and why? HDIF sharing
"Have we changed enough since our
this
weekend, that others have noticed the
with you?"
difference, too? HDIFAMA?"
"Does our home reflect our values?
"What area(s) of our relationship do I most
HDMAMMF?"?
often control? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about your/my/our
"If I were a musical instrument, which one
involvement with work? Describe in loving
would I be and why? HDMAMMF?"
detail."
"What do I have responsibility for that I
"The song that I think represents our love
would like to give up? HDIF sharing
the best is... Why? HDIF sharing this
this with you?"
with you?"
"What is my favorite city, and why? HDIF
"Few things are as confusing as one who
sharing this with you?"
gives good advice but sets a bad
example. Do I live the values I profess, or do
"How do I feel when someone asks me to
I say one thing but do another?
compromise a value I believe in? Describe
HDIFAMA?"
in loving detail."
"Do I run more on a schedule, or just take
"How do I feel when someone falsely
things as they come? HDMAMMF?"
accuses me of something? Describe in
loving
"Is (Was) our family (parents, children, etc.)
detail."
being short changed by our
Retrouvaille involvement, or are we setting a
"What aspect of myself do I still try to hide
loving example for them? HDIFAMA?"
from others? How do I feel about
my answer?"
"Am I a different person with you than I am
with others? If so, how? HDIF
"What general attitudes in others do I find
sharing this with you?"
most annoying? HDIFAMA?"
"How does my mask disappoint, frustrate, or
"How would I feel about trading places for a
annoy others? HDIFAMA?"
day? Describe in loving detail."
"HDIF when you are driving and I am a
"What song most makes me think of you?
passenger?"
HDIF sharing this with you?"
"Conviction is worthless unless it is "If I could live my life over again, I would...
converted into conduct.' - Thomas Carlyle HDIFAT?"
Do I live out my convictions? Where do I
need to improve? HDIFAMA?" "How do I feel when someone takes up too
much of my time? Describe in loving
"Do I look for self-worth in possessions or detail."
activities? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about my/our local
"Do I use alcohol, caffeine, or nicotine? If community, or lack there of? Describe in
so, for what? HDIFAMA?" loving detail."

"Everything and everyone has its beauty, but "How do I feel about my self-image?
not everyone sees it. Do I look for Describe in loving detail."
the beauty in others, or do I look at the
surface? HDIFAMA?" "In order to solve a problem, am I more
likely to use common sense or
"How have I changed since our Retrouvaille imagination? HDIFAMA?"
weekend? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel about the phrase, 'Each day is
"Do I think I have lost some of my an opportunity for a fresh start?'
independence since our Retrouvaille Describe in loving detail."
weekend?
HDIFAT?" "Do I try to control you sometimes? When?
HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when I think about making a will?"
"In what aspect of my life do I have the least
"HDIF about hugging other people?" peace? HDIFAT?"

"What do I value most in my life? HDIF "What aspect of my life brings me the most
sharing this with you?" peace? HDIFAMA?"

"If I were asked to draw a picture of "What does peace mean to me?
something representing each member of my HDIFAMA?"
family, what would I draw and why?
HDIFAMA?" "What causes the most friction between us?
(Not conflict, but the little things
"Where would I like to go on vacation if I that rub each other the wrong way.)
could go anywhere in the world? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"Am I more likely to put a decision off to
"How well do I live up to the dreams I had the last minute, or make a decision
for myself when I was young? immediately? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel when I judge you are better "What is my favorite memory of us from last
than me at something that I take year? HDIF sharing this with you?"
pride in my ability to do? Describe in loving
detail." "What is the greatest challenge we face as a
couple?"
"Would I rather work for somebody fair but
not kind, or kind but not fair? "If I were an animal, what would I be?
HDIFAMA?" HDTMMF?"

"What TV shows do I watch most often? "Where do I see us 5 (10, 15, 20...) years
What does this tell me about myself? from now? HDIFAT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What is the wildest thing I've ever done?
"Would people outside of our community be HDIF sharing this with you?"
more likely to call me warm and
sympathetic, or cold and aloof? "In what ways could I refocus my priorities
HDIFAMA?" to better serve my family, friends,
neighbors, and God? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about my physical
appearance? Describe in loving detail." " 'An admision of error is a sign of strength
rather than weakness.' Is it easy
"How do I feel about our time (or lack there or hard for me to admit my mistakes?
of) for relaxation and HDIFAMA?"
entertainment? Describe in loving detail."
"How well do I accept others outside of
"How do I feel about discussing politics Retrouvaille? HDIFAMA?"
with someone who's views differ from
mine? Describe in loving detail." "I judge I failed as/at... HDIFAMA?"

"What is the motivating force in my life? "This week, how have I been judgemental of
HDIFAMA?" you? HDIFAMA?"

"I think I am best known for... HDIFAMA? "This week, how have I been judgemental of
(Since we wear different masks, and use others? HDIFAMA?"
different behaviors depending on where we
are and who we are with, you could "Does our home reflect our values?
split this up for work, home, M.E., etc.)" HDMAMMF?"

"One of my heroes is... Why? HDIF sharing "What effect does music have on me?
this with you?" HDIFAMA?"

"If we could go anywhere, where would I "How important are material things to me?
most like to take you? HDIF sharing this HDIFAMA?"
with you?"

"How do the attitudes and behaviors of others affect our relationship? HDIFAMA?"
"What is my favorite time of year, and why? "Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
HDTMMF?" use of time? HDIFAT?"

"I smiled today when I thought about. . . . "What do I hope to gain in the area of use of
HDIFAMA?" time? HDIFAT?"

"What side of me do I least like others to "What do I like best about you in the area of
see? HDIFAMA?" use of time? HDIFAT?"

"I am a better person because of you. "What do I like least about you in the area of
HDIFAT?" use of time? HDIFAT?"

"Am I a leader or a follower? HDIFAMA?" "What do I like best about myself in the area
of use of time? HDIFAT?"
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
superiority? HDIFAT?" "What do I like least about myself in the
area of use of time? HDIFAT?"
"What do I hope to gain in the area of
superiority? HDIFAT?" "What do I like best about us in the area of
use of time? HDIFAT?"
"What do I like best about you in the area of
superiority? HDIFAT?" "What mask do I wear in the area of use of
time? HDIFAT?"
"What do I like least about you in the area of
superiority? HDIFAT?" "When am I least open to listen to you in the
area of use of time? HDIFAT?"
"What do I like best about myself in the area
of superiority? HDIFAT?" "In the area of use of time what feeling do I
find most difficult to share with
"What do I like best about us in the area of you? Describe feelings in loving detail."
superiority? HDIFAT?"
"To become more fully human and lovable
"What do I like least about myself in the and at the same time achieve a greater
area of superiority? HDIFAT?" growth in my married life, how can I be
more myself? HDIFAMA?"
"What mask do I wear in the area of
superiority? HDIFAT?" "To become more fully human and lovable
and at the same time achieve a greater
"When am I least open to listen to you in the growth in my married life, how can I be
area of superiority? HDIFAT?" more assertive?" HDMAMMF?"

"In the area of superiority what feeling do I

find most difficult to share with
you? Describe feelings in loving detail."
"What do I most like to do in my free time? HDIFAMA?"
"How have I been separate from you lately? "What helps me get up and going in the
HDIFAMA?" morning? HDIF about this?"

"If I was stranded on an island without you, "Am I more likely to look for the easiest
what one thing would I take to way, or the right way? HDIFAMA?"
remind me of you and why? HDIF sharing
this with you?" "What am I most likely to do when I waste
time? HDIFA This?"
"Do I presume the best or worst about you?
HDIFAMA?" " 'Happiness is inward and not outward; and
so it does not depend on what we
"My top priorities in life are... HDIFAMA?" have, but on what we are.' -- Henry van
Dyke. HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when I am not listened to,
and then something goes wrong because "Am I more likely to admit my mistakes, or
of it? Describe in loving detail." try to cover them up? HDIFAMA?"

"When we first met, what made me want to "Do I give or take too much from
see you again? HDIFA this now?" you/others? HDIFAMA?"

"Do we challenge others to live their values? "What are my feelings regarding how I
HDIFAMA?" spend my time? HDIF sharing these
thoughts with you?"
"In which direction are we heading?
HDMAMMF?" "How does dealing with my past make me
feel?"
"If I judge we are not heading in the right
direction, what can I do to change "How does dealing with your past make me
it? HDMAMMF?" feel?"

"What difficulties are me most likely to "In what situation am I most likely to use
experience when trying to make a hard exaggeration? HDIFAMA?"
decision? H DIFAMA?"
"So the Lord answers, "Can a woman forget
"What part of the day would I most like to her own baby and not love the child
share with you? HDIF telling you she bore? Even if a mother should forget her
this?" child, I will never forget you.
Jerusalem, I can never forget you! I have
"If I could travel anywhere in the world, written your name on the palm of my
where would I go, and why? HDIFAT?" hands." Isaiah 49:15-16 What does this
mean to me? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when I see you suffering?
Describe in loving detail."
"Do I distort things to make myself look or
feel better? HDIFAMA?" "How do I feel when someone drops in
unexpectedly? DILD." HDIFAMA?"

"How do I feel when we work together to "When I think about all the couples and
get a tough job done in a short time? priest who made our Retrouvaille program
DILD." possible, I feel ________ "

"What issue do we have facing us that I "How do I feel about telling others about
haven't shared my feelings with you Retrouvaille? HDIFAMA?"
about? What are my feelings about this
issue? HDTMMF?" "What about our lives would I like to
change? HDIF telling you this?
"What do I see as your strengths? HDIF
sharing this with you?" "Where am I most selfish? HDIF sharing
this with you?"
"What is my fondest memory of our early
days together? What do I remember most? "How do I feel when I allow circumstances
HDIF sharing this with you?" to make a decision for me? Describe in
loving detail."
"What can I do this week to make
memories? HDMAMMF?" "How have you helped me to become a
better person? HDIFAMA?"
"How do/would I feel if someone
unexpectedly gave me a hug after a hard "In what area(s) do I consider myself
day? superior to you? HDIFAMA?"
Describe in loving detail."
"How do I feel about the current political
"Your most endearing quality today is atmosphere in my/our country? DILD."
_______. HDIF sharing this with you?"
"How do I feel when I see others suffering?
"How do I feel about my current state of DILD."
health? Describe in loving detail."
"What new awareness have I discovered in
"In what area(s) do I compete against you? you this past week? HDIFTYT?"
HDIF telling you this?"
"HDIF about winter weather?"
"What kind of compliment is hardest for me
to accept? HDIFAMA?" "Do you feel better enjoying the present or
anticipating the future?"
"How do I feel looking through a photo
album or scrapbook? Describe in loving "I look(ed) forward to celebrating this day
detail." with you because _______."
"Do I ever delay too long in making a
decision and miss out on an opportunity?
"HDIF when you hurt or when youÆre "If I knew we had no tomorrow, how would
sick?" I live today with you?"
"Does my attitude change with the coming right to be an individual. HDIFAT?"
of spring?"
"What hinders us from making better
"What song reminds me of our relationship decisions? HDIFAT?"
right now? HDIFTYT?"

"What makes our house a home?"

"What would be my idea of a good family

outing?"

"WAMF about our family vacation time?"

"HDIF about the way we spent last

weekend?"

"HDIF about getting other peopleÆs advice

for solving our problems?"

"What family memories of Spring do I have?

HDMAMMF?"

"Who should we pass the gift of

Retrouvaille on to?

"How do I feel about sharing the chores?

HDMAMMF?"

"What was our closest moment as a family

this month? HDIFAT?"

"How close are we as a family? HDIFAT?"

"HDIF when I call you up just to say

æHiÆ?"

"HDIF when I stop with you for ice cream?"

"When was the last time I felt complete

inner peace? HDMAMMF?"

"How does the season summer, affect me?"

"How can I tell that youÆve had a bad day?"

"You cannot compromise another personÆs

 Prayer "What do I like best about you in the area of
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be
"What do I like least about you in the area of
terrified; do not be discouraged, for the
prayer? HDIFAT?"
Lord your God will be with you wherever
you go.' -- Joshua 1:9. Have I given up
"What do I like best about myself in the area
when I should have prayed for strength?
of prayer? HDIFAT?"
HDIFAMA?"
"What do I like least about myself in the
"Am I afraid of something that God would
area of prayer? HDIFAT?"
give me strength to overcome, if I
prayed to Him about it? HDIFAT?"
"What do I like best about us in the area of
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when I see children praying?
Describe in loving detail."
"What mask do I wear in the area of prayer?
HDIFAT?"
"My prayers are answered in God's time or
my time? HDMAMMF?"
"When am I least open to listen to you in the
area of prayer? HDIFAT?"
"Do we make the time to pray with our
friends? HDIFAMA?"
"In the area of prayer what feeling do I find
priest/religious question:
most difficult to share with you?
Describe feelings in loving detail."
"Outside of services, do I take the time to
really pray with my people?
"How do I feel hearing about the power of
HDIFAMA?"
our prayer? Describe in loving
detail."
"My whole life should be a prayer to God.
How well do I live this? HDIFAMA?"
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"What do I judge as the most important
things I pray about? HDIF sharing this
"What do I hope to gain in the area of
with you?"
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"What can I do to make prayer a bigger part
"What do I like best about you in the area of
of our life? HDIFAMA?"
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of
"What do I like least about you in the area of
prayer? HDIFAT?"
prayer? HDIFAT?"
"What do I hope to gain in the area of
"What do I like best about myself in the area
prayer? HDIFAT?"
of prayer? HDIFAT?"

"What do I like least about myself in the

area of prayer? HDIFAT?" "What do I like best about us in the area of
prayer? HDIFAT?"

"What mask do I wear in the area of prayer?

HDIFAT?"

"When am I least open to listen to you in the

area of prayer? HDIFAT?"

"In the area of prayer what feeling do I find

most difficult to share with you?
Describe feelings in loving detail."

"How do I feel hearing about the power of

our prayer? Describe in loving
detail."
 Romance "What do I think about my ability as your
lover? HDIFAMA?"
"What one thing this week did we do as a
"What do I think about my ability to accept
couple to foster passion in our
your loving me? HDIFAMA?"
relationship? HDIFAMA?"
"How do I feel about going with you to a
"When was the last time I told you how
movie, or watching a TV show, about a
special you are? HDIFAMA?"
love story? Describe in loving detail."
"What specifically can I do this week to
"What was the last romantic thing I did for
create a little more romance? HDIFAMA?"
you? HDIFAMA?"
"What do I think is keeping us out of
"How important do I think romance is in our
romance right now? HDTMMF?"
relationship? How do I feel about
making romance a priority in our
"If I could go back in time with you, what
relationship? HDMAMMF?"
period would I like to revisit?
HDTMMF?"
"How do I feel towards you when I am filled
with romance? HDIF sharing this with
"HDIF planning a romantic evening with
you?"
you?"
"What romantic things do I remember most
"HDIF thinking about the first time I knew
from our dating or early marriage? HDIF
you were for me?"
about them now?"
"How do I want you to romance me?
"What romantic things do you do for me?
HDIFAMA?"
HDIF when I think about them?"
"How do I feel about a walk in the
"What romantic things would I like you to
moonlight with you? Describe in loving
do for me? HDIF sharing this with
detail."
you?"
"How do I feel when you tell me, 'I need a
"What barriers keep me/us from being
hug'? Describe in loving detail."
romantic? HDMAMMF?"
"What romantic thing would I like you to do
"What is my dream for a perfect romantic
for me? HDIF telling you this?"
evening? HDIF about this? HDIF sharing
this with you?"
"What does Valentine's day mean to me?
HDIF sharing this with you?"
"When do I feel the most romantic? What
are my feelings at those times? HDIF
"Do I think you would consider me to be a
sharing this with you?"
romantic? HDIFAMA?"
"When do I feel the least romantic? What
are my feelings at those times?
HDIFAMA?"

"What have you done in the last week to

make me feel romantic? What are my
feelings sharing this with you?"

"What do I remember as the most romantic

moment in our relationship? What are my
feelings remembering this? HDIF sharing
this with you?"

"How do I feel when you go out of your way

to do something nice for me? Describe
in loving detail."

"A time I felt closest to you was... HDIF

sharing this with you?"

"When recently did you do something that

made me feel special? How does
remembering this MMF?

"How (in what way) would I like to be

romanced by you? HDIF sharing this with
you?"

"What was our closest moment, as a couple,

this past week? HDIFTYT"

"Are we as romantic as we need to be?

HDIFTYT?"

"HDIF planning a romantic time together?"

"You are my sweetheart because ________."

"Is passion an important aspect of our

relationship?"
 Sex "Does my attitude toward sex lock some
doors in our relationship? HDTMMF?"
"How do I feel when we try something
"Do I see our sexual relationship as an
different in our lovemaking? Describe in
expression of our total relationship?
loving detail."
HDTMMF?"
"What actions or behaviors do I/you use to
"HDIF when I know we're going to have
say no to sex non-verbally or
sex?"
indirectly? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when you are hungry for sex?"
"What fears do I have about our
lovemaking? HDIF sharing this with you?"
"What part does God play in our sexual
communication! HDIFAT?"
"Is there wonder or boredom in our
lovemaking? HDIFAMA?"
"What part do I play in our sexual
communication! WAFAT?"
"What can we do to improve our sex life?"
"How do I feel about the last time we made
"Have I ever thought that you used me
love? Describe in loving detail."
sexually? Describe how you felt, and feel
in loving detail."
"Besides our bed, where would I most like to
make love to you? HDIFAMA?"
"For what reason am I most likely to tell you
'no' when you want to make love?
"What can I do to improve our sexual
HDIF sharing this with you?"
relationship? HDIFAMA?"
"What risk am I willing to take to love you
"Does our lovemaking extend beyond the
sexually the way you want to be
bedroom? HDIFAMA?"
loved? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I usually initiate our love making, or do
"What effect does making love to you have
I wait for you? HDIFAMA?"
on me? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when you say no to making
"What parts of your body are sexually
love? Describe in loving detail."
exciting to me? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"How do I feel when I/you initiate our love
making? Describe in loving detail."
"What strengths do you bring to our
sexuality? HDIF sharing this with you
"I enjoy our sexual relationship the most
now?"
when... HDIF sharing this with you?"
"Do I give you my full attention when we
"What do I think about my ability as your
make love, or do I get distracted by
lover? HDIFAMA?"
other things? HDIFAMA?"
"Do I think we talk about our lovemaking enough? HDIFAMA?"
 sex? HDIFAT?"
"How do I feel when one of my people
shares details of their intimate family "What mask do I wear in the area of sex?
life with me?" HDIFAT?"

"On a scale of 1-10, how would I rate our "When am I least open to listen to you in the
sexual relationship? HDIFAMA?" area of sex? HDIFAT?"

"My ideal lovemaking would be... HDIF "In the area of sex what feeling do I find
sharing this with you?" most difficult to share with you?
Describe feelings in loving detail."
"What are my attitudes in the area of our
sexual relationship that could cause "How do I feel about the amount of time we
us not to be as close as we could be? spend on foreplay? Describe in loving
HDIFAT?" detail."

"How does my mask interfere with our "How is our sex life? If I think it is
lovemaking? HDIFAT?" unsatisfactory, how can I make it better?
HDMAMMF?"
"Do I ever feel used in our lovemaking?
HDIF Sharing this with you? "If our lovemaking is a form of
communication, how well are we
"What aspect of our lovemaking do I enjoy communicating?
the most? HDIF sharing this with you?" HDMAMMF?"

"Why do I want to dialogue in the area of "What is it about you that I find most
sex? HDIFAT?" attractive? HDIF sharing this with you?"

"What do I hope to gain in the area of sex? "What is an attitude I had about sex entering
HDIFAT?" marriage? HDIF sharing this with
you?"
"What do I like best about you in the area of
sex? HDIFAT?" "On a scale of 1-10, I would rate our sex life
a... How could it improve? HDIFA
"What do I like least about you in the area of sharing this with you?"
sex? HDIFAT?"
"Where do I place our time for making love
"What do I like best about myself in the area on my lists of priorities? Is this a
of sex? HDIFAT?" value or an ideal? HDIF telling you this?"

"What do I like least about myself in the "Lately, how have I responded to you
area of sex? HDIFAT?" sexually? HDIFAMA?"

"What do I like best about us in the area of

"What are my expectations for our
love-making? HDIFSTWY?" "What can I do to make myself more sexy to
you? HDIFAMA?"

"What are my attitudes about our sex life?"

"HDIF discussing our sex life?"

"When I think of sexual desire, I think of

_________."

"HDIF when our lovemaking is

interrupted?"
 Stress HDIFAMA?"

"How do I feel when I have to take a risk

"If our house were burning down, and I
with someone other than you? DILD."
could only save 3 things, what would they
be and why? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when you expect more of me than I
am capable of giving right now?"
"What particular event today caused me the
most grief, stress, enjoyment, etc.
"HDIF when you try to influence my
(pick one)? HDIF sharing this with you
decisions?"
now?" "How do I feel about all the
Holiday bustle? Describe in loving detail."
"Do I experience stress as a positive or a
negative? DYFID."
"In the presence of trouble, some grow
wings, others will grow crutches.' Do I
"Can I recognize when IÆm under stress?
grow wings or crutches? HDIFAMA?"
HDIFAMA?"
"When time is short, do I handle the
"Would I feel better keeping weekends
situation well, or do I tend to go into
relatively unplanned?"
panic mode? HDIFAMA?"
"HDIF when I see the stress building up in
"Am I honest with you about my feelings
you? HDIFTYT?"
when I am stressed? HDIFAMA?"

"Am I more likely to take things too lighty,

or worry too much? HDIFAMA?"

" 'God will give us nothing we can't handle.'

What this doesn't say is that we
must ask for His loving assistance
sometimes (most of the time?). But with His
assistance, we can truly perform wonders!
HDTMMF?"

"How do I feel when I've had a very stressful

day? What are my feelings sharing
this with you?"

"How do I feel when I make a promise to do

something, but need to break it
because of something even more important?
Describe in loving detail."

"Do I/we seek support when I/we are

struggling? HDIFFAMA?"
"What, if anything, causes unnecessary
stress and complication in my/our life?
 Trust "A man goes to the Grand Canyon. It is his
first time there. He is marvelling at
the beauty when a stranger arrives. The
"What quality do I look for in others that
stranger takes out a big awkward rifle
helps me believe I can trust them?
with a line attached, fires it across the
HDIFAMA?"
canyon and runs a high wire across the
canyon. He ties it off, then proceeds to take
"What can I do to make it easier for you to
a wheelbarrow on to the high wire
confide in me? HDIFAMA?"
and wheel it across the canyon and back.
The man is astonished! Amazed! Left
"How has my confidence in you changed
speechless! When the stranger comes back,
since our weekend? HDMAMMF?"
the man rushes to him and says, "WOW!
That was incredible! I've never seen
"What keeps me from trusting you
anything like that!"
completely? HDIFAMA?"
The stranger says, "Thank you. Do you mind
if I ask you a question?"
"Would I rate the level of trust in our
The man says, "No, by all means. Go
relationship closer to a 1 or a 10?
ahead." The stranger says, "Do you think I
HDIFAMA?"
can do it again?"
The man looks puzzling at the stranger then
"How well do I do trusting God to answer
says, "Of course you can! You just
my needs? Describe in loving detail."
did it. Sure you can do it again!"
The stranger asks a second time, "Do you
"What can I do to make it easier for you to
really think I can do it again?"
trust me with yourself? HDIFAMA?"
The man, so impressed by the strangers
humbleness, tries to encourage him, "I'm
"What would I like you to do to make it
sure you can do it again." The stranger asks
easier for me to trust you with myself?
a third time, "Do you really _believe_ that I
HDIF sharing this with you?"
can do it again?" By this time, the man is
beginning to think the stranger is just pulling
"Risking builds confidence. Confidence
his leg and says, "Look, I saw you do it
builds trust. HDIFAT?"
once. If you would have asked me before
you did it, I never would have believed it.
"Do I put my independence above my trust
After seeing you do it, I'm 100% sure you
in you? HDIFAMA?"
can do it again. So, yes, I believe you can do
it again." The stranger puts the wheelbarrow
"In what area do I trust you the most?
on the high wire and says simply, "Get in."
HDIFAMA?"
A couple dialogue question we like to use
with this is:
"In what area do I trust you the least?
"Do I trust God enough to get into the
HDIFAMA? (this does not say _NOT_ trust
wheelbarrow? HDIFAMA?"
you, just the least)
"How many times does God have to ask me
before I get into the wheelbarrow?
HDIFAMA?"
 Values
"What values of mine differ from yours?
How does this effect our relationship?
HDIFAMA?"

"What are three values I have? What are

three values I think you have? What are
three valus we share together

"What does the way I spend my time tell me

about my values? Am I spendig my time
on what I vaule the most? HDIFAT?"

"What is the most important value I have?

HDIF sharing this with you?"

"Are the activities our child(ren) involved in

an ideal for me or a value?
HDIFAT?"

"What values, goals, or ideals will I

absolutlely not compromise? HDIFAMA?"

"Do I make other things more important than

you? What? HDIFAMA?"

"Here is my description of the ideal father

_____ . HDIFTYT?"

"HDIF when I accomplish something IÆm

proud of?"