Module 1
Lecture Notes
Here are some of the important concepts that we’ve covered in
Unclear about
Module 1.
something? Discuss
with your fellow peers
in the discussion
Why do people get involved in relationships?
We are interested in relationships because they are important in our lives.
board!
Key question: Why do people want relationships?
The key idea is needs.
There are different categories of needs:
Physical: Can be survival, material, and
physical resources (i.e. food, shelter,
comfort, etc.)
Psychological: Interpersonal needs (i.e.
Security, attachment, affiliation,
intimacy, etc.)
Social: (i.e. Connections with others,
status, identity, etc.)
Existential/Spiritual: Personal/being
needs; Needs that pertain to the whole
person or being (i.e. Happiness, spiritual
meaning, etc.)
Human beings get involved in relationships in order to address or satisfy some of these
needs. The maintenance of a successful relationship often depends on the ability to
identify your own needs.
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2
Intrinsic & Extrinsic Needs
1) Intrinsic: Getting involved in the relationship for its own sake; meeting needs
such as attachment, affiliation, and intimacy.
2) Extrinsic: Getting involved in the relationship not for its own sake, but to
achieve something else. Two subtypes:
a. Extrinsic personal: Example would be, needing someone to pass time
with so you don’t feel insecure, bored, or lonely
b. Extrinsic instrumental: Example would be, building a relationship
with someone in the legal system in order for them to help get your son
out of trouble
Always ask yourself: N3C Analysis
What are MY needs? The SSLD framework emphasizes the concept of N3C. The N3C analysis can be applied
in understanding and improving relationships.
N: Needs (see recap above)
Broad categories:
- Physical, Psychological,
Emotional, and/or Spiritual
Types:
- Intrinsic
- Extrinsic
o Personal or Instrumental
C: Circumstances
Three levels of circumstances:
- Macro Level: The “big picture” such as historical demography, global
warming, global financial crisis, etc.
- Mezzo Level: Local or regional realities such as political system, taxation,
healthcare, education system, sociocultural realities (i.e. social circles,
reference groups, culture), etc.
- Micro Level: Personal circumstances such as employment status,
relationship status, health condition, life stage, etc.
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3
C: Characteristics
Three types of characteristics:
- Physical: Such as height, body type, physical features, age, skin or eye
colour, voice
- Psychological: Such as personality, world view, values preferences,
emotional and behavioural patterns
- Sociocultural: Such as lifestyle, cultural practices, religion
C: Capacity
Capacity is actually a subcategory of Characteristics, wherein we emphasize the
positive traits and strengths that people possess. Hence, Capacity has the same
domains as Characteristics:
- Physical: Such as physical strength, energy level, immune system
- Psychological: Such as intelligence, knowledge, wit, self-efficacy,
emotional capacity (resilience, social or interpersonal skills)
- Sociocultural: Such as social capital, symbolic capital, financial capacity
It is important to note that the SSLD system does
not generalize people; rather, it takes into
consideration individual differences. As such,
one’s N3C is completely unique.
This helps us to understand concepts such as
compatibility, mutual needs gratification,
interactions in a relationship, etc.
Biodiversity
Individual differences can be challenging in a relationship. Helping people understand
the value of differences is an important step in overcoming the challenge.
Biodiversity is a necessary condition for natural selection and ultimately human
evolution. Variations in the expression of our genes are what allow us to progress – it’s a
beautiful thing!
There will always be differences in relationships. Being able to deal with (and even
embrace) differences is the key to the success of any relationship. Managing diversity, in
our opinion, is part and parcel of human growth and evolution.
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4
Similarities and Differences
Another key factor in relationships is the balance between similarities and differences.
We are attracted to things that are both similar and different than us.
Our preferences vary across time, context, and relationship.
SSLD seeks to help people appreciate and recognize differences and how to manage
them effectively so that we will always be able to create a win-win situation.
Capacity for Differences
The capacity for differences is our ability to deal with differences in a constructive
manner. It is important to realize that differences will continue to emerge as you get to
know the other person better.
People are expected to grow and change. As such, instead of tolerating, it is encouraged
that you develop an interest or curiosity towards traits that are new or different from
your own. This will be your capacity for dealing with differences.
What would life be like Managing Differences
if everyone was exactly Remember in Module 1, we introduced the idea of biodiversity? You’ll recall that this is
the very condition required for the successful growth and development of a species.
the same? Differences
Likewise, differences between you and your partner can be viewed as an opportunity to
(and learning how to survive and thrive.
manage them) are a Despite the inevitability of differences, SSLD posits that there is still room to highlight
necessary ingredient and appreciate the commonalities that exist between partners as well.
for a healthy
relationship
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