2nd Grading

Personal Relationship

Relationship
● Researchers have found that relationships are essential to one’s happiness
(Berscheid 1985; Berscheid and Reis, 1998; Larsen, Ommundsen, and
van der Veer B.R.L.O.V).
● On the other hand, the absence of close relationships can produce a
profound negative effect on an individual who is deprived of it, such as
feeling worthless, powerless, and alienated (Baumeister and Leary 1995;
Stroebe and Stroebe 1996 in the Rozenberg Quarterly B.L.S in RQ).
● Even before language was invented, pre-historic humans were already
interacting through many other forms of behavior. They may have learned
how to smile or greet each other; show love, affection, and even loyalty to
the group; and hunt together for food.
● This interaction was necessary for the survival of the group where an
individual belonged. Survival was the primary reason why human beings
have the fundamental need to belong.
● The relationships that are nurtured in a group help each and every one of us
survive.
● However, the need to belong today goes beyond mere survival in the
physical sense. Belonging to a group generates many benefits like having a
support system when you need some shoulder to cry on or draw some
strength from.

Relationship definition
● “the way in which two or more people, groups, countries, etc., talk to,
behave toward, and deal with each other” (Merriam-Webster Online
Dictionary)

Personal relationship
● the type of relationship which is closely associated with a person and which
can only have meaning to this person.
● Privacy and intimacy are two characteristics that define personal
relationship.
● It involves a degree of commitment to another person or persons.
 ➢ In contrast, an impersonal or informal relationship may have a commitment
not to a person or group of persons, but to an entity such as a business
organization, a principle, or a cause.

4 Elements of Personal Relationship ([Link].C)

● Attachment
● Attraction
● Love and intimacy
● Commitment

How are attachments developed?

● The very first meaningful relationship every human being encounters is with
one’s mother.
● Even before birth, the mother-child relationship is already established. The
intimacy that is nurtured during the nine months of pregnancy will be
enhanced and developed further after the birth of the child. A careless and
non-caring pregnant mother can affect the child in the womb, which may
leave psychological and emotional scars even before the child is born.
● Research has confirmed that emotional experiences of expectant mothers,
particularly strong emotions such as anger or anxiety, which produce
chemical in the body such as adrenaline, affect the child in the womb.
Eventually, the infant grow up with a predisposition to anxiety as well.

➔ The Rozenberg Quarterly quotes a research finding by Bowlby (1982) that

our succeeding relationships in the future are all shaped to a large extent by
our attachment to our parents.
➔ At the moment of birth when the child is laid beside the mother to be fed
and cuddled, bonding occurs, and the infant develops an attachment to the
mother, and later on, with the father.

3 Attachment Styles by Ainsworth, Blekar, Waters, and Wall (A.B.W.W)

(1978)
(dysfunctional attachment styles) ([Link])

● Secure attachment
 ○ It is when the primary caregiver is most of the time present and
available and when all the emotional needs of an infant are met,
providing a sense of security to the infant.
● Avoidant attachment
○ It is when the primary caregiver is cold and detached, and even
unresponsive to a child’s needs.
○ The child senses rejection and this often leads to premature
detachment and self-reliance.
○ A person who experienced this style of attachment in infancy and
childhood will oftentimes: U.A.R.I
■ Experience unstable relationships in the future.
■ Usually avoids getting into meaningful relationships when they
reach adulthood.
■ They may claim to be “rugged individual” who can go through
life with little established relationships where intimacy is
present.
■ There’s a possibility of isolation for people who have this type
of attachment.

● Anxious-ambivalent
○ It is when the primary caregiver is not consistent in terms of
presence and in meeting a child’s emotional needs.
○ A person who experienced this style of attachments in childhood may
develop separation anxieties with loved one, or may have mixed
feelings between hesitancy and commitment when entering into a
meaningful relationships.

➔ However, all is not lost for those who have experienced the dysfunctional
attachment styles discussed. Research has shown that there is always hope
for the adult who received these negative styles to change for the better,
particularly when experiencing genuine and transformative adult love
relationships, which can reverse and overcome the unpleasant experiences
they had in childhood.

What drives attraction?

 ● When attraction between two persons is discussed, it is often understood as
based on physical appearance. While this might be true to a certain extent,
there is more to attraction than what we already know.
● In the British Broadcasting Company (BBC) website, attraction is the
first stage in a continuum of stages that lead to intimacy and
commitment.

Biological Model of Love by Helen Fisher

● Attraction
○ primarily based on physiology or certain hormones that persons who
get attracted to another person may also mean liking their genes that
are perceived through their physical looks.

3 Stages of Falling in Love (L.A.A) (Helen Fisher)

● Lust
○ Driven by the sex hormones, testosterone, and estrogen. These
hormones affect both sexes.
● Attraction
○ Described as the lovestruck phase. This is the stage wherein a
person loses sleep and appetite over someone., and swoons while
daydreaming of this special person.
● In this stage it involves neurotransmitters in the brain such as
dopamine “feel good” chemicals in our brains, norepinephrine
together with adrenaline it increases heart rate and blood pumping
from the heart , and serotonin plays a key role in such body functions
as mood, sleep, digestion, nausea, wound healing, bone health, blood
clotting and sexual desire.
● Attachment
○ When the couple in love decides to continue with the relationship,
they enter the attachment stage where long-lasting commitments are
exchanged, and may lead to raising a family.
 ○ Special hormones are also secreted during this stage. Oxytocin,
which is released during childbirth to help in breastfeeding and it is
also believed to promote intimacy; and vasopressin, which promote
long-term relationships.

➔ Fisher concluded that since loving has a genetic basis, this is a natural drive
that is as powerful as hunger.

● Pheromones
○ an odorless chemical found in urine and sweat can only be detected
through our nose, are also involved in the assessment of a future
mate.

The Rozenberg Quarterly mentions several theories and research results related
to attraction and liking: (T.P.S.R.P)
● Transference effect
○ We may prefer some and avoid others because of a bad experience we
had with someone we associated this new person with (Hinkley and
Andersen 1996)
○ According to Andersen, Reznik, and Manzella 1996, Usually these
people remind us of someone in the past who has affected our sense
of self and our behavior.

● Propinquity effect
○ A research conducted by Festinger, Schachter, and Back in 1950
points to proximity as another possible factor why we like a person.
○ While proximity promotes familiarity, and hence liking, this can also
be true if we do not like a person.
○ We often develop a sense of familiarity with people who live close to
us, work with us, or go to school with us, which leads us to liking
them more.
○ People we are familiar with make us feel safe and secure because we
can predict their behavior, we find people who we are familiar with
more likable than others.
 ● Similarity
○ We are often attracted to like-minded persons and those who have
similar beliefs and values as ours, because the similarity is a
validation of our innermost values and belief system, and who we are
as a person.
○ According to a study by Aron, Kalick, and Hamilton (1998),
similarity is a strong factor in friendship and in the selection of a
mate because it promotes intimacy, trust, and empathy.
○ We often like people who we have similarities with, such as social
class background, religious beliefs, age, and education

● Reciprocity
○ We like people who like us back. According to research, reciprocity is
a stronger basis for liking another person with similarity. The more
we are liked by someone we equally like, the more we behave in ways
that promote mutual feelings of liking.
○ Research by Curtis and Miller (1986) found out that when we
express our liking for another, oftentimes, this would elicit a pleasant
behavior and mutual liking from the other person.

● Physical Attractiveness
○ Several studies were conducted to confirm that physical
attractiveness is a major factor in liking someone, and usually, first
impression counts a lot, too.
○ Less attractive individuals may compensate by offering other qualities
like wealth and status to attract a potential mate.

LOVE AND INTIMACY

Love
● a feeling of deep affection, passion, or strong liking for a person of thing
([Link])

Triangular Theory of Love by

Robert Sternberg
● An American psychologist and psychometrician
 This theory has three different components of love which are: intimacy,
commitment, and passion.

● Intimacy
○ Researchers Reis, Clark, and Holmes (2004), and Reis and Shaver
(1998) defined intimacy as “that lovely moment when someone
understands and validates us.”

● Commitment
○ It is an act of deciding to consistently fulfill and live by agreements
made with another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of
integrity and respect serve as a guide to one’s behavior and thinking.

● Passion
○ As defined in generic terms, it is the intense state of being that drives
and consumes a person to pursue an interest, a vision, or a person.

★ The combination of these components can form eight types of love:

(N.L.I.E.R.C.F.C)
○ Nonlove (absence of all three components),
○ Liking (Intimacy alone),
○ Infatuated Love (Passion alone),
○ Empty Love (Commitment alone),
○ Romantic Love (Intimacy and Passion),
○ Companionate Love (Intimacy and Commitment),
○ Fatuous Love (Passion and Commitment),
○ Consummate Love (a balance of Intimacy, Passion, and
Commitment).
COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND MEANING IT

3 Variables Related to Commitment (Rozenberg Quarterly) (A.T.I)

● Accumulation of all rewards of the relationship

○ it is considered as the most important determinant of satisfaction in a
relationship, rewards of the relationship include support from the
partner; sexual satisfaction; emotional, financial etc.

● Temptation of alternative partners

○ it was noted that the fewer options a party in a relationship gets
exposed to, the lesser the possibility of breaking the relationship.

● Investments made by the couple in the relationship

○ These investments may include time spent together, common beliefs
and experiences, mutual experiences with mutual friends, and bearing
children.
3 Behaviors that may predict a divorce or separation

● Criticism
○ Constantly finding fault in the other partner will result in negative
feelings and resentment. Positive and constructive criticism is
preferred and done in a light and playful manner.

● Denial of the existence of conflict

○ When one party eludes the presence of a problem and refuses to
discuss it, as if belittling the problem, it will result in frustration on
the side of the party

● Contempt
○ Like criticism, contempt is present when someone who looks down on
the party as inferior does not give unconditional positive regard, and
aggravates the situation by expressing superiority over the other.

RESPONSIBILITIES IN A RELATIONSHIP

● Be responsible for what you think and say to the other person.
○ Emotions should be considered when dealing with other people. Being
sensitive to these emotions will make a person responsible for what is
said, and accept the consequences of how the other party will receive
the message.

● Be responsible for what you promise to do or not to do

○ Coupled with trust, integrity in one’s word means that you are reliable
and trustworthy. When credibility is questioned, a relationship will not
last long.

● Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial

○ It is always good to have a give and take attitude for this assures
fairness and equality. When fairness is perceived, trust follows.

● Respect the other party or parties involved

○ Giving respect to each other is a common responsibility of any party
involved in a relationship.
 ● Be ready to provide support when needed
○ Providing support, either financially, emotionally, spiritually, or
physically, strengthens the bond in the relationship, as this is an
expression of one’s commitment to the other party.

Social Relationship

Social relationships
● tend to be less intimate, with lesser self-disclosure involved, but may still be
exclusive, and may demand certain levels of loyalty as in fraternities or
religious organizations, and to a lesser extent, loosely knitted social clubs
like practitioners of certain specialized professions.
● social interactions affirm self-identity, increase self-esteem, and develop
capacity to nurture relationships.

Daniel Goleman (Emotional Intelligence author)

● explained in his book, Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human
Relationships (2006)
○ our brains are wired to connect with other people, and part of the
human brain located just above the eyes called the orbitofrontal
cortex (OFC) is connected directly to the three major regions of the
brain: the cortex, the amygdala, and the brain stem.
○ neuroscience plays a key role in the way we experience and handle
emotions, stress, and even the way we are attracted to other people.
○ social intelligence is rooted in this same neurological connection as
emotional intelligence.
○ Goleman pointed out that the OFC provides an immediate connection
between thought, emotions, and behavior. It immediately calculates
our feelings and thoughts about a person and how that other person
feels and thinks about us, and what actions we take after this quick
assessment.
○ After the initial assessment that our brain undertakes, the final action
that we take is a deliberate and conscious choice we make. As such,
we are always responsible for what we do and think, especially about
other people.
Social Influence
● Our social relationships, although dictated to a certain extent by our neural
reflexes, are also affected by other factors such as social influence.
● An article on Social Influence written by Lisa Rashotte, discussed a
study conducted by renowned social psychologists John R. P. French and
Bertram Raven in 1959 on the concept of power and how this is used in
social influence.
○ According to Rashotte, the authors defined social influence as
things such as behavior, actions, attitude, concepts, ideas,
communications, wealth, and other resources that bring about
changes in the beliefs, attitudes, and/or behavior of persons as a
result of the action/s of another person.
○ Rashotte further explored how social influence is usually conducted
through the use of power whether this was done authoritatively,
coercively, suggestively, or by giving rewards.
○ Rashotte pointed out how social influence happens as a result of
interacting with other people who are perceived to be subject matter
experts or of having similar persuasions as the ones being influenced.
She concluded that French and Raven were able to conclude in that
study how leadership and power are closely interlinked.

3 Varieties or Types of Social Influence by Herbert Kelman, (Harvard

psychologist) (C.I.I)

● Compliance
○ when a person seems to agree, and follows what is requested or
required of him or her to do or believe in, but does not necessarily
have to really believe or agree to it.

● Identification
○ when a person is influenced by someone he or she likes or looks up
to, like a movie star, a social celebrity, or a superhero; and

● Internalization
○ when a person is able to own a certain belief or act, and is willing
to make it known publicly and privately.
Other types of social influence (C.C.M.R.O.P)

● Conformity
○ a type of social influence that involves a change in behavior, belief, or
thinking to be like others. It is the most common and pervasive form
of social influence.
■ Social psychology research in conformity tends to distinguish
between two varieties:
● informational conformity ("internalization" in
Kelman's terms)
● normative conformity ("compliance" in Kelman's
terms).
○ Conformity is very strong particularly among middle and late
adolescents.
○ Conformity is brought about by peer pressure, often imposed on
members of a group to demonstrate some semblance of loyalty, which
is often deemed as necessary to maintain one's relationship with the
group.
○ Conformity is one reason why group members look and behave very
similarly with one another such as wearing similar looking clothes or
enjoying the same movies and music genre, and adoring the same
celebrities.

● Conversion
○ occurs when an individual wholeheartedly changes his or her
original thinking and beliefs, actions, and attitudes to align with those
of the other members of a group. This also happens in a group when
the original beliefs, attitudes, and behavior of the different members
may have influenced each other to evolve into a new set of beliefs,
attitudes, and behavior. Religious conversions are typical of this type
of social influence where internalization happens to make the new set
of beliefs, attitudes, and actions become one's own.

● Minority influence
○ happens when a bigger number of people are influenced by a much
smaller number of people and when the minority's way of looking at
and doing things are accepted. This may happen when the minority
 owns and wields power economically, politically, and socially; or if the
majority are uninvolved and detached from issues.

● Reactance
○ when there is a willing rejection of a social influence being exerted
on an individual or group.
○ This is also known as anti- or non-conformity.
○ Reactance is a reverse reaction to some social influence that is being
imposed by a person or a group on another.
■ For example, an adolescent who is being prevailed upon by the
parents to stay at home during weekends and help in the house
chores may react and develop a non-conforming behavior of not
following his parents. Whether the influence is right or not,
non-conformity is the rejection of such influence.

● Obedience
○ another form of social influence wherein a person follows what
someone tells him or her to do, although it may not necessarily
reflect the person's set of beliefs or values. Similar to compliance,
obedience usually stems from either respect or fear of the authority
figure.

● Persuasion
○ used by one person or group to influence another to change their
beliefs, actions, or attitudes by appealing to reason or emotion.

Leadership and Followership Theories

● A leader was often typecast as someone who is the head of a group of

people by virtue of having great strength and wisdom, or may have inherited
a position of power even if strength and wisdom were not part of this
person's virtues.
● Influence plays a major role in leadership.
● Chester Barnard (1938) defined leadership as the ability of a person in
position of authority to influence others to behave in such a manner that
goals are achieved.
 ● Power is also annexed to leadership as espoused by French and Raven
(1960) who said that a leader may obtain power through various means and
sources, such as position, giving rewards, expertise, respect, or coercion.

There are several existing theories of leadership: (T.B.P.S.T.T)

● Trait Theory
○ This theory defines leadership based on certain personality traits
which are generally suited for all leaders, such as decisiveness,
persistence, high level of self-confidence and assertiveness, among
others.
● Behavioral Theory
○ This theory presupposes that leadership is a learned behavior, and
that leaders are defined according to certain types of behavior they
exhibit.
● Participative Theory
○ The opposite of an autocratic leader, the participative leader involves
other people to make common decisions.
● Situational Theory
○ This theory assumes that there is no one style of leadership and that
leadership behavior is based on the factors present in a situation, and
usually takes into consideration how followers behave.
● Transactional Theory
○ This theory states that leadership involves a transaction or negotiation
of resources or position, and usually employs reward and punishment.
● Transformational Theory
○ This theory involves a vision, which a leader uses to rally support from
followers, and the role of the leader is in motivating others to support
the vision and make it happen.

Authentic Leadership

In the book Why Should Anyone Be Led by You?: What It Takes to Be an

Authentic Leader by Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones (2006), the authors lined
up three basic axioms of leadership, and these are: (S.N.R)

● Leadership is situational
○ This means that a leader's behavior and what is required of him will
always be influenced by the situation. It means that a leader is able to
 assess a situation quickly, adjust to it, and provide the appropriate
and necessary action to address it for the benefit of his followers.
● Leadership is non-hierarchical
○ The exercise of leadership is not based on one's position in an
organizational chart alone, but also dependent on other factors such
as characteristics, skills, and even connections.
● Leadership is relational
○ Leaders and followers establish a relationship where their interests
are mutually met. The role of a leader in this relationship can vary
from being a visionary to a cheerleader. Followers in a relationship
with their leaders often desire to belong to a bigger entity like a
community, and their expectation of their leader is one who is genuine
or authentic. This authenticity is expressed in behavioral terms that
are communicated effectively and consistently to the followers.

An authentic leader, according to Goffee and Jones (2006), has the following
critical elements present: (TWTT.A&[Link])

● They walk their talk. They are consistent in what they say and what they do,
practicing what they are preach- ing.
● They adjust to situations and display adaptability and flexibility but
consistent with their values and real selves even when they take on different
roles during different situations.
● They have a high level of comfort being themselves, even if they come from
backgrounds that are different from the people or situations they deal with.
An exam- ple of this is Gat Andres Bonifacio, who found himself dealing with
people from all classes, rich or poor, the uneducated or the intelligentsia
(intellectuals or highly educated people), and felt comfortable being with
them.

Authentic leadership, therefore, is primarily determined by how followers view

the leader; thus, attributing a leader's authenticity through the eyes of his or her
followers.

Leader-Member Exchange (LMX) Theory

St-Hilare
 ● Discussed the various theories of leadership, mentioned a theory involving
the dynamics between a leader and his or her followers. This was first
developed from the perspective of an original leader-member theory called
the Vertical Dyad Linkage (VDL) Theory.
○ The VDL theory was first discussed in the works of Dansereau,
Graen, and Haga (1975). Eventually, VDL further progressed into
two more theories, and one of which is the Leader-Member
Exchange (LMX) Theory.

● LMX theory states that a leader's effectiveness is measured by the quality

of his relationship with his followers, and different types of relationships can
evolve between leader and follower in a certain work situation.
● Another tenet of the theory is that there should be an exchange of resources
between leader and follower that is meaningful and viewed by both parties
as fair.

Heroic Leadership
● Another example of a popular description of leadership was expounded in a
book titled Heroic Leadership: Best Practices from a 450-Year Old
Company That Changed the World by Chris Lowney, (2003).
○ He referred to the type of leadership that the members of the Society
of Jesus live by. To this religious congregation of men, everyone is a
leader and everyone gets a chance to lead and be leaders in
everything they do.

This type of leadership follows four principles that are integrated with one
another and synergistically interacting to reinforce each principle:(S.I.L.H)

● Self-awareness
○ We have emphasized the importance of self-awareness, knowing and
understanding fully our strengths and challenges, our way of looking
at things, and even our emotions and the set of values that we live by.
This type of leadership considers self-awareness as very important to
being a leader.
● Ingenuity
○ A leader of this type is not stuck in his comfort zone because the
world is constantly changing. Flexibility and openness to new ideas
 are the hallmark of this kind of leadership. In the same manner,
detachment from sources of pride and pleasure is also emphasized.
● Love
○ A healthy self-concept generates a healthy and positive attitude when
dealing with other people. After all, you cannot love or respect
another person unless you love and respect yourself first. What you do
not have, you cannot share with others. Effective leaders show their
respect for their followers. They are not merely people who fol- low
them, but are partners in achieving the results they all desire. People
who are respected, treated well, valued, and trusted by another
always show their best as a response to the genuine caring being
received.

● Heroism
○ This type of leadership is about motivating and inspiring other people
to reach for higher goals, for bigger and greater things.

In their book, Rob Goffee and Gareth Jones also discussed the aspects of
authentic leadership and emphasized the role of the follower as a vital ingredient
in the success of a leader.

According to Goffee and Jones, there are four elements followers want from a
leader: (A.S.E.C)

● Authenticity
 ○ the leader is not afraid to show his or her weakness, reveals his
human side without fear, and uses these together with his strengths
to lead others;
● Significance
○ a leader provides the reason or meaning for followers to believe in;
● Excitement
○ a leader provides motivation and inspiration to his or her followers
and excites them to pursue their vision;
● Community
○ a leader builds a community of followers with whom they can
associate and forge relationships.

➢ Unlike some theories that claim everyone can be a leader, Goffee and
Jones reason that leadership is not for everyone. Leadership, they theorized,
are for those who want to become leaders and are ready to take on the
responsibilities of being one. They concluded that leadership is measured
not merely by its results but most importantly on the way it provides
meaning to the leadership cause.

★ According to Simon Sinek (2009), a leader inspires people and gives them
something to believe in.
○ Examples of these types of leaders are Moses, who brought the
people of his tribe out of Egyptian slavery;
○ Martin Luther King, who inspired people with his speech I Have A
Dream (he did not say, "I Have A Plan");
○ and of course our own national heroes, Jose Rizal and Andres
Bonifacio, who inspired our early ancestors to dream of freedom
from Spanish colonialism.

★ Sinek explains further that the most important question to ask first when
leading others is the reason or purpose why followers are asked to act and
behave in a certain way (the "why" of every leadership). Once the "why" is
clearly established, the "how" (which is the action that will make a vision a
reality), and the "what" (the outcomes or results of the actions) will follow.
○ To Sinek, the "Why" type of leader is usually the visionary, the one
who believes results can be achieved;
○ The "How" type of leader is the realist who is able to see how to work
out a vision;
 ○ The "What" type of leader is the builder who provides the details on
how to get things done.

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Understanding Conflict

Conflict
● the dynamics when two or more people, organizations, or nations perceive
one another as a threat to their needs or interests.
● a perceived incompatibility of actions or goals between people or nations
and happens when there is an imbalance between concern for oneself and
those of others (Conflict Resolution Group Foundation, Inc. 2014).

Individuals and organizations without conflict are either: ([Link].A)

● in denial
● have no genuine concern for others
● or simply apathetic

★ When conflict is understood and recognized, it can end the imbalance,

stimulate growth and development, and improve relationships (Myers 2013)

Cycle of retaliation
Stages of Conflict

According to the United Nations Economic and Social Commission for Asia
and the Pacific (ESCAP), there are four stages of conflict that do not
necessarily happen exclusively at any single time, but may happen simultaneously:

● Intrapersonal
○ with oneself, like when one is indecisive about things
● Interpersonal
○ among two or more individuals, like misunderstanding between
friends
● Intragroup
○ within the same interest group
● Intergroup
○ between two or more groups
Responses to conflict

● Faced with a conflict situation, human beings often choose between two
types of responses,
○ fight or
○ flight.
Types of behavior involved in Flight responses: (A.I.D)
● Avoidance
○ means to evade or dodge the cause of the strong emotion or
uneasiness one feels for another person who is in conflict with you.
● Ignoring
○ when you are in the same place as the other person you are in conflict
with, and you disregard and snub his presence.
● Denying
○ when someone asks you if you are quarreling or in disagreement with
the person you are in conflict with and you disagree or refute the
comment or observation.

Type of behavior involved in Fight responses:

● Direct confrontation
 ○ one is to directly confront the other person and engage in a peaceful
dialogue.

4 strategies people can use when in conflict in the workplace by John Crawley
and Katherine Graham (2002: 2007)

● Fight
○ force the other party to accept a stand that is against that party’s
interest.
● Submit
○ yield to the demands of the other party and agree to end the conflict
● Flee
○ leave the situation where the conflict is occurring or change the topic
● Freeze
○ do nothing and just wait for the other party’s next move or allow the
pressure to build up

Conflicts may arise due to the following (Myers 2013):

● Competing for scarce or limited resources such as time, jobs, food, natural
resources, and even love and affection within family
● Disagreement over the interpretation of facts or information
● Perceiving unjust treatment caused by another person or entity
● Miscommunication between parties
● Misjudging another person’s or group’s belief systems born out of prejudice
or bias
● Exhibiting behaviors that are destructive to another person’s well-being or
reputation
According to Christopher W. Moore in his book, The Mediation Process:
Practical Ways for Resolving Conflict (2003):

Causes of conflict (R.D.I.S.V)

● RELATIONSHIP
○ it develops between individuals when there is imbalance in
recognizing and providing for the needs or interests of the other
party;
 ○ or between groups or nations when there is a perceived imbalance in
the distribution or sharing of power or resources, or opposing
interests as well.
● DATA (Lack of misinterpretation)
○ when someone is quoting research figures that may be questionable
to others.
● INTEREST
○ usually driven by needs, and when needs are not met, conflict
happens.
● STRUCTURAL
○ this usually involved human organizations, social structures, or
processes, and procedures.
● VALUES
○ when primary organization of these values varies from one party to
another.

Costs of conflict
● can affect one’s overall health, as well as interpersonal relationship
● disrupted lives, destruction of life and property
● may decrease self-confidence
● may result in expensive litigations and decreased productivity

★ Not every conflict has to end up with negative results. This happens when a
conflict is viewed as a positive an necessary factor in the development of
individuals or groups, this can lead to more growth and deepening of
relationships.

Relationships often grow deeper and more satisfying because it:

● allows for issues to surface;
● raises the awareness of both person’s needs;
● allows emotions to be expressed;
● understand and accept the uniqueness and differences of other people

Conflict management styles

Dr. Ken Thomas and Dr. Ralph Kilmann, developed what is now known as the
Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument. This is to help people understand
how they deal with conflict by measuring a person’s behavior in conflict situations.

There are two dimensions to this conflict resolving behavior:

● ASSERTIVENESS
○ the extent to which a person will try to satisfy his or her own needs or
interests
● COOPERATIVENESS
○ the extent which a person will attempt to satisfy the other person’s
needs or interests.

FIVE MODES IN DEALING WITH CONFLICT (C.A.C.A.C)

● COMPETING
○ assertive and uncooperative.
● ACCOMMODATING
○ unassertive and cooperative.
● COMPROMISING
○ moderately assertive and moderately cooperative.
● AVOIDING
○ unassertive and an uncooperative
● COLLABORATING
○ assertive and cooperative

Negotiating through a Personal Conflict Situation

● UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF CONFLICT
○ Is the conflict caused by somebody else’s behavior? Were your
expectations met?
● ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR FEELINGS AND EMOTIONS
○ Be aware of the stirrings of emotions within you. Express this in a
constructive way like verbalizing the emotion with the other person.
● EXAMINE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH THIS PERSON
○ How important is your relationship with the person?
● CLARIFY INTENTIONS
○ Do you want to continue your relationship with this person or not? If
yes, then process to undertake a dialogue. If not, decide if you want to
keep the relationship or not.
● IF YOU WISH TO KEEP THE RELATIONSHIP, HAVE A TALK WITH
THE PERSON INVOLVED.
○ Stating that you value your relationship and would like to express
your feelings about what was done or not done to you, then ask for an
explanation as to the other person’s actions.
● ONCE THE DIALOGUE IS ACCOMPLISHED TO YOU AND THE OTHER
PERSON’S MUTUAL SATISFACTION, THEN GRANT A
RECONCILIATORY ACT.
○ like shaking hands or embracing each other. Grant or request for
forgiveness or apology if necessary, then promise to move on.
What Are Family Structures?

Family
● The simplest definition of what a family is according to Merriam- Webster
Online Dictionary is "a group of individuals living under one roof and
usually under one head," which may also be the definition of what a
household is.
● From a sociological point of view, Filipino sociologist Belen T. G. Medina,
PhD (Medina 2001), defined family as "two or more persons who share
resources, share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals, and
have a commitment to each other over time." (Gregorio Alfonsin C.
Andoyo, The Filipino Family and Filipino Values)
★ Medina's definition of a family practically encompasses all kinds of family
relational variations, such as the nuclear family, the single parent family, the
extended family, and the childless family (Toby Shelton, The Four
Essential Types of Family Structures).

The Four Essential Types of Family Structures (Toby Shelton) (N.S.E.C)

★ The nuclear or traditional family

○ comprised of a father, a mother, and their offspring/s. Usually, the
father in the traditional family plays the role of the breadwinner while
the mother stays at home to manage the house and the children.
○ We now have families where the mother is the breadwinner, while the
father, also called as "househusband," manages the home in the
contemporary era.
○ Another variation of the traditional family is where both husband and
wife are working and earning a living for the family while entrusting
their growing child or children to hired caregivers or relatives.
○ Adopted children are also considered as part of the nuclear or
traditional family.

★ The single parent family

○ who rears the child or children while earning for the offspring/s. This
single parent may be supported by relatives or hired caregivers to
 take care of the growing children, which is now a common occurrence
in many Asian countries such as Singapore and Hong Kong.
○ A Filipino single parent may be assisted financially by the parents or
relatives. Sometimes, the single parent will decide on cohabiting with
a partner who is not the biological parent of the child. The cohabiting
partner may not necessarily reside with the single parent and the
child.

★ The extended family

○ a very common family arrangement found in many parts of the world
and most particularly in Asia.
○ The extended family is the nuclear family plus the parents of either
the husband or the wife, or both their parents, depending on the
arrangements they make.
○ Sometimes, a single brother or sister of either one of the couple may
also be part of the extended family. If there is a need for household
help, the first option is to seek out a poorer relative from the
provinces to serve the family's needs.
○ Traditionally, the man of the house is the breadwinner and often
makes most of the decisions related to family affairs. However, with
the presence of the couple's parents, the decision-maker may vary at
times.

★ The childless family

○ the couple without any child or children, and who may be living all by
themselves. They may or may not have household help assisting
around the house.

New variations of the basic family structures

● interracial marriages
● adoptive families
● same- sex marriages

➔ The family is considered the first place where growing children learn their
basic social skills. The interaction and quality of relationship between parent
and child are said to determine the child's future relationships as he or she
matures toward adulthood (Papalia and Feldman 2012; quoting
Overbeek, Stattin, Vermulst, Ha, and Engels 2007).
Family influences may vary based on the family structure present in the
home:
➢ For the nuclear or traditional family
○ the values, social skills, and behavior are directly learned from the
parents (and/or primary caregivers). These are expressed in their
unique parenting styles, the nature of parental authority they
practice, and the general atmosphere at home.
➢ For a single parent family
○ the absence of one parent (either the father or the mother) may create
an impact on the growing child who would normally look up to
authority as role models. Oftentimes, single parents try to become
both the mother and the father, or may seek out a relative (usually of
the opposite sex of the single parent) to stand in to compensate for
the absence of the other parent. Depending on how the single parent
manages the child, he or she may grow up well-adjusted or
problematic.
➢ Extended families
○ have both positive and negative influences on the child. On the one
hand, the presence of different generations within a home provides
the child a sense of stability in relationships as he or she witnesses
firsthand how relationships can work and endure challenges, and to
see a continuum in the family line.
○ The presence of grandparents also provides the child a sense of
anchoring or rooting to the family's history; thus, enabling the child to
appreciate family heritage and traditions. On the other hand, the
presence of grandparents may create some confusion to a child,
particularly when the biological parents may adopt a parenting style
that is opposite that of the grandparents.
■ This happens, for example, when a parent would like to teach a
child the value of money or to delay gratification. Doting
grandparents would often pamper and give in to a grandchild's
whims as compensation for what they perceive as their own
shortcomings when they themselves were still parents.

❖ Authoritative parenting
 ➢ A key factor in the psychosocial development of an adolescent, and it
is believed to foster a healthy and positive impact on the adolescent's
development (Papalia and Feldman 2012; quoting Baumrind
1991, 2005).
➢ Authoritative parents are those who insist on their child learning
important values, norms, and rules, but are also willing to sit down to
listen and negotiate with them should they resist (Papalia and
Feldman 2012).
➢ A parent wielding behavioral control over a child such as providing
curfews during weekends or limited time for the child to be online is
believed to develop better adjusted children.
➢ Authoritative parenting is about exercising control over a child's
behavior but not the child's emotions, beliefs, and self-concept. This
psychological control imposed by a parent on a child through
emotional manipulations or the withdrawal of love and caring can
harm the child's psychosocial development and mental health
(Papalia and Feldman 2012; quoting Steinberg and Darling
1994).
➢ Studies have shown that when a parent provides for psychological
independence, the child tends to become self-confident and competent
in their studies and social interactions.
➢ On the other hand, when parents control their child psychologically,
the child's emotional health suffers more when the parent controls the
child's behavior (Papalia and Feldman 2012).

The manner by which parents (or primary caregivers) rear a child has a strong
influence on the child's development.

● Behavior
○ often learned by a child through observation.

Theory of Social Learnings (Albert Bandura)

3 concepts: ([Link])
● Learning takes place through observation (or modeling)
● Mental states are important to learning, which means that a child's learning
can be self-reinforced or rewarded if there is satisfaction or pride in what
was learned
● Not all learning can lead to changes in behavior.
Parents
● serve as the models their adolescents can emulate while at the same time
supporting their development toward young adulthood.
○ For example, parenting styles that allow meaningful dialogs to happen
between parent and adolescent encourages self-disclosure for the
adolescent, which may result in learning about intimacy and trust.

➔ There are some characteristics that are influenced by heredity, and even by
the environment. One of them is obesity or leanness, where the
predisposition toward one or the other is often found throughout the
generations from either side of the family.

➔ Predispositions to certain diseases are often believed to be passed on from

generation to generation, such as diabetes.

➔ Intelligence is another thing that is passed on due to heredity, but is also

due to other factors like brain size and structure, and the compilation of
many genes resulting to intelligence.

➔ There is a 40% to 50% chance of personality traits being passed on through

heredity (Papalia and Feldman 2012; quoting Bouchard 2014)
● Temperament
○ which is the characteristic manner by which an individual looks
at situations and how they react to them.

Some believe that personality traits can also be learned through observation.

Genogram
● a graphical map of a family's history that traces and illustrates patterns in
its structure and characteristics using special symbols to describe
relationships, major events, diseases, traditions, social and personal beliefs
and rituals, cultural heritage, religious beliefs, value systems, philosophies
about life, and the dynamics of a family over several generations.

There are possible traits you may want to trace in your family. Here are some
suggestions: (P.G.S.R.F.C)
 ● Physical characteristics
○ such as skin tone, shapes of eyes, nose, and ears, hair type, baldness,
disease tendencies, etc.
● Genetic or external factors
○ such as artistic, musical, or literary abilities, sports abilities, and
personality traits like being reserved and introverted, being friendly,
being spendthrift, etc.
● Social and economic backgrounds
○ such as occupation or careers, educational level, club memberships,
school affiliations, political affiliations, and others.
● Religious values
○ including religious affiliations, religious practices, and religious
beliefs.
● Family values
○ like family cohesion, exclusivity, educational attainment, respect for
elders, etc.
● Cultural background
○ such as provincial origins, languages or dialects spoken, social skills
like table manners, family traditions, how family members got their
names, favored cuisines and special food served, world views such as
the practice of feng shui, karma, super- stitions, etc.
(Tracing Family Traits Using a Genogram by Cynthia Doxey Green, Ph.D.)

How to Make a Genogram

Step 1:
Ask yourself this first question: What is my purpose of creating a genogram? If this
is clear with you, then you can start creating a list of persons in your family that
will be part of the genogram. You may also start collecting relevant information
that are easily accessible to you like your parents, siblings, close relatives, and
friends. To serve as an example, let us trace the height characteristics of your
family. Determine how to categorize heights, like 4.9 inches and below may be
categorized as SHORT, 5.0 inches to 5.6 inches may be categorized as MEDIUM,
and 5.7 inches and up as TALL.

Step 2:
Next decision that you have to make is to determine the number of generations you
would like to be represented in your genogram. In our example, let us trace up to
your maternal and paternal grandparents generation. So now, list down all the
persons who will form your genogram:
Grandparents on your mother's side

1. Grandparents on your father's side

2. Your parents
3. Your parents' siblings
4. Your siblings
5. Your first cousins

Step 3:
You may start your research by asking your parents and grandparents (if they are
still living) where they took after with their heights.

Step 4:
Now you can design your genogram. There are plenty of genogram templates
available online, or you may want to do the diagram free-hand. If you are using
free-hand, there are diagrams you need to use that will represent different things.

Here are some examples of these symbols:

1. Males are represented by a square. If you wish to indicate a marriage,

place the square symbol to the left side. Women are represented by a
circle. If this female is married to the male you first represented, place
the circle to the right side of the square.
2. The oldest child is usually placed below and to the left of his or her
family. The youngest, on the other hand, is placed below and to the right
side.

Step 5:
Connect the symbols with lines. Using the illustration given, you may now connect
the different symbols you used. Single lines indicate unions or marriages. Double
lines will indicate separation or divorce.
Step 6:
Use representative symbols for the different height categories you made. Here is a
simple representation of these height categories:
a. S- for short
b. M - for medium
c. T- for tall

You may place these letters inside the squares and boxes for easy visual
identification.

Step 7:
Look at your chart and identify if there are patterns. Find out if these are
consistent. If not, you might have missed some information regarding a person or a
family. Patterns are helpful in explaining the height differences in your family.

Keep your genogram hidden and shown to only a few selected group of relatives if
the conclusions are sensitive or even confidential.