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Contents
Part One: Glorify God
1- Conflict Provides Opportunities ............................................4
2 - Live at Peace........................................................................5
3 - Trust in the Lord and Do Good.............................................6

Part Two: Get the Log out of Your Eye

4 - Is This Really Worth Fighting Over?.....................................7
5 - Conflict Starts in the Heart...................................................8
6 - Confession Brings Freedom ................................................9

Part Three: Gently Restore

7 - Just Between the Two of You .............................................10
8 - Speak the Truth in Love.....................................................11
9 - Take One or Two Others Along .........................................12

Part Four: Go and Be Reconciled

10 -Forgive as God Forgave You.............................................13
11 - Look Also to the Interests of Others ................................14
12 - Overcome Evil with Good ................................................15

Scripture quotations are from the New International Version,

copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 International Bible Society.

Copyright © 2005 by Ken Sande

[Link]
Rev. 5.0

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Welcome to The Peacemaker Personal and Group Study Guide.
This study guide is designed to be a companion as
you read through The Peacemaker book. Each
chapter is summarized briefly, and several
questions are posed to help you reflect on key
lessons and personal applications. To deepen your
understanding of the principles taught in this book,
we encourage you to write out your answers to the
questions in this study guide, either by inserting
text into this document just below a question or by
keeping a separate journal of your responses.
One of the best ways to use this study guide is to
ask one or more friends to read The Peacemaker at
the same time you are and to get together
personally each week to discuss your answers to
these questions.
If you are currently involved in a conflict, you’ll find several practical
application questions at the end of each chapter in The Peacemaker itself.
Those questions will help you to apply the lessons of that chapter to your
current situation.
Even if you are not presently facing serious conflict, The Peacemaker will
prepare you to address small differences quickly and effectively, preventing
them from becoming large and disruptive. Much of what is taught is also
wise advice for everyday living, helping us make the most of the
relationships God brings to our lives.
The Peacemaker is divided into four parts, each of which deals in depth with
one of the four key principles of peacemaking. Each principle has been
stated in English to begin with the letter “G.” Taken together, they are
known as the “Four G’s” of peacemaking.
I pray that God uses The Peacemaker and this companion Study Guide to
help you glorify God more fully, bless others and experience the peace of
Jesus Christ.
Ken Sande

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Peacemaker Study Guide |4
 Part 1 – Glorify God

Glorify God
Biblical peacemaking is motivated and guided by a deep desire to bring
honor to God by revealing the reconciling love and power of Jesus Christ. We
are to draw on his grace, follow his example and put his teachings into
practice. As we do so, we can find freedom from the self-centered decisions
that cause conflict and display the power of the gospel in our lives.

1 Conflict Provides Opportunities

Few people enjoy conflict. Fewer still view conflict as an opportunity. Yet, if
we believe God is sovereign and desires our best, we have to also believe
that conflict is not an accident. God promises use every circumstance in our
lives to shape and mold us into the image of Christ. As Ken writes, “Every
time you encounter a conflict, you will inevitably show what you really think
of God.” This chapter introduces foundational tools, such as the Slippery
Slope, and core principles, such as the Three Opportunities, that will help you
to not only survive disagreements but to actually steward them for God’s
glory.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Consider the Slippery Slope of Conflict on page 22. In general, do people in
your church and community tend to Avoid, Attack, or be Peacemakers?
Where do you place yourself on the Slope? What does this suggest about
how you view conflict?
2. Spend a few minutes reviewing the main points raised in Chapter 1. Which
ideas or principles do you find most helpful? How do they enlarge and
deepen your understanding of how God uses conflict in your life?
3. Where would you most like to grow and change in your relationship with
God and other people? What new attitudes, skills or habits can you adopt
that will help you achieve that goal. Conclude by praying that God will show
you ways to make these new attitudes and habits part of who you are and
how you relate to others.

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 Part 1 – Glorify God

2 Live at Peace
The search for peace is constant and elusive. Christians understand that real
peace is found in Jesus – it is our relationship with him that provides us with
the personal peace we long for and the ability to live at peace with others.
Such peace is fragile and is easily broken when we adopt the worldly attitude
that life is all about satisfying our desires, looking out for “Number One.”
One of the most troubling examples of this is when Christians go to court
against other Christians, something Paul explicitly condemns in 1 Corinthians
6. Chapter 2 of The Peacemaker reminds us to focus, first, on peace with
God, which enables us to live at peace with others and personally experience
the internal “peace that passes understanding.”
Questions for Reflection:
1. How do you define “peace?” What are some of the words that come to
mind when you hear the word, “peace?”
2. How do you define the distinction between “unity” and “uniformity?” Do
Christians in your community tend to focus more on unity or on uniformity?
What impact does this have on your church? On your larger community?
3. Do Christians make use of the court system where you live to resolve
disputes with other Christians? If not, how are disputes usually resolved?
4. What about you? Are you pursuing the sort of peace this chapter
encourages? If not, what are some changes that you would like to make?

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 Part 1 – Glorify God

3 Trust in the Lord and Do Good

We all say that we “trust God.” Yet, when we find ourselves in serious
conflict, many of us end up trusting ourselves instead. Fear and pride can
drive us to think and behave in ways that are fundamentally opposed to God.
If God is sovereign, however, we can trust that he is looking out for us every
moment, even when circumstances are difficult and life is challenging. As
Ken writes, “The trials that he gives us require that we practice the character
qualities that will make us like our Lord.” The Bible is full of examples of
people who trusted God, from Joseph and Esther to Paul and, ultimately,
Jesus himself. Trust is a decision. Chapter 3 reminds us that God uses that
trust to show us how to walk confidently with him.
Questions for Reflection:
1. What does it mean to you to “trust God?” Have you ever trusted him
completely with a difficult situation in your life? How did trusting God change
your attitude and behavior?
2. Many people believe that faith and trust in God should result in freedom
from suffering. Is this a biblical view? How would you respond if someone
said to you, “If God loves me, he wouldn’t let this happen.”
3. Is there someone you know or have heard about whose trust in God is
admirable? Describe their character and their behavior. What did their
behavior reveal about their attitude toward God? What can you learn from
them?
4. Think of a current conflict in your life, or reflect back on one in which you
were recently involved. In what ways are you trusting God as your guide and
source of strength? What more can you do to make your trust in him more
evident and complete?

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 Part 2 – Get the Log Out of Your Eye

Get the Log Out

Attacking others only invites counterattack. Jesus teaches us to face up to
our own contributions to a conflict before we focus on what others have
done. When we honestly admit our own faults, our opponents will often
respond in kind. As tensions decrease, the way may be opened for
discussion, negotiation and reconciliation.

4 Is This Really Worth Fighting

Over?
Rights and responsibilities. The tendency, these days, is to focus on my
rights and pay less attention to my responsibilities. Too often, this leads to
conflicts with others. Scripture, such as Matthew 7:3-5, requires that we think
differently. We are called to take account of our responsibilities before
asserting our rights. This is easier to do when we spend time clarifying the
issues that confront us as either substantive or personal. In many instances,
the best response is to overlook an offense. Other times we will need to
pursue a godly solution. In either setting, Paul calls us to rejoice in the Lord
always. James counsels us to consider it “pure joy” when we face trials of
many kinds. We are to see ourselves as stewards of rights and
responsibilities and use them to bring glory to God and healing to
relationships.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Describe the difference between “material,” or “substantive” issues, and
“personal” issues. Is the difference clear to you? If not, re-read the section
“Define the Issues.”
2. Equally important is the distinction between “overlooking” an offense and
“denying” that there is a problem. Many people confuse the two, telling
themselves that they have overlooked a wrong, while not fully forgiving the
wrongdoer. Have you ever experienced this? What was the impact on your
relationship?

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 Part 2 – Get the Log Out of Your Eye
3. Paul and James counsel us to be joyful in every circumstance. How can a
Christian “rejoice in the Lord always,” while also confronting serious
challenges?
4. Recall a time when you or someone you know failed to count the cost of
pursuing their “rights.” What was the impact on the relationship involved?
On the person who continued to pursue their rights?

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 Part 2 – Get the Log Out of Your Eye

5 Conflict Starts in the Heart

This chapter is all about idols, not the kind made of wood and stone, but the
kind we build in our hearts. We are created to desire, but too often our even
our godly desires become demands that set us on a destructive path with
others. When desires drive our attitudes and behaviors in ungodly ways, we
have crossed the boundary into idol-worship. Ken quotes David Powlison:
“When you and I fight, our minds become filled with accusations: your
wrongs and my rights preoccupy me. We play the self-righteous judge in the
mini-kingdoms we establish.” This is why getting logs out of our own eyes is
such an important first step. Repentance is the solution to idolatry, replacing
idol worship with worship of the true God.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Chapter 5 is key to understanding and dealing well with conflict. Before
you move on, make note of three key points that you want to remember.
2. What are some of the idols worshipped in your culture? What sorts of
“sacrifices” do people make as they worship those idols?
3. Are there idols within the Christian community? Within your church? What
are they? And what impact do they have on the unity of believers?
4. Finally, where in your own life are you tempted to idol worship? What do
those idols tell you about your priorities? Is your struggles with sinful
desires? Or is it with good desires wrongly pursued? What does repentance
look like for you?

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 Part 2 – Get the Log Out of Your Eye

6 Confession Brings Freedom

The gospel brings freedom to wrongdoers. In Christ, our sins are removed
from us “as far as the east is from the west.” Recognizing we are both sinful
and forgiven enables us to strip away pride and pretension, examine
ourselves honestly and confess our sins when we are wrong. Confession is
seldom easy, but when done well, it brings freedom and helps us to be
reconciled to others. The 7 A’s are a checklist for constructing and making
good confessions, ones that are both freeing and reconciling. Godly sorrow
opens the door to transformation of our hearts and transformed hearts lead
to changed behavior. We are never too old to experience God’s transforming
love, or so sinful that his grace cannot penetrate.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Have you ever experienced the freedom that comes from confessing and
renouncing sinful behavior? Recall the experience and what you felt. What
impact did it have on your attitude? On your behavior?
2. Describe the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. In your
experience, do most Christians understand the difference? If not, how might
the gospel both convict them of wrongdoing and free them to fully repent?
3. Are apologies and confessions common among Christians where you live?
If not, how do Christians respond when they have sinned against someone?
When they have been sinned against? Are these responses consistent with
Scripture?
4. Describe one lesson that you have learned from this chapter and how you
plan to incorporate it into your life.

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 Part 3 – Gently Restore

Gently Restore
When others fail to see or acknowledge their contribution to a conflict, we
sometimes need to graciously show them their fault. If they refuse to
respond appropriately, we may need to involve respected friends, church
leaders or others who can encourage repentance and restore peace.

7 Just Between the Two of You

If “owning” our own sins is hard, speaking with someone who has sinned
against us is often harder. Most of us have experienced harsh confrontation
and rebuke. Even when merited, such incidents can leave us feeling
personally assaulted. The point of passages such as Matthew 18:15 is not
punishment, but restoration. We are called to win our brother over. To do so,
we need to adjust our message to fit the person who receives it, “building
others up, according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Engaging others in this way is both an art and a skill and requires that we
first examine our hearts and confess our sins. This takes on different forms in
different cultures, but the goal of confronting others is the same – loving
restoration, returning them to full functioning within the Body of Christ.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Do people in your community speak directly with each other when wrongs
have been committed? If not, how are such personal issues dealt with? With
what results?
2. Do you find it more difficult to confess your sins, or go to someone who
has sinned against you? Why do you think that is? What role do the cultures
in which you live (family, church and society) play in how you handle such
situations?
3. Have you ever “confronted” someone harshly, or been harshly
confronted? What impact did it have on you? On your relationship with the
other person?

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 Part 3 – Gently Restore
4. If someone were to “confront” you, what would you want them to do?
What would you find most helpful? Does your answer provide you with a way
to go to others to show them their fault when they have sinned against you?

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8 Speak the Truth in Love

Truth spoken without love risks condemnation. But, love spoken without
truth risks empty praise. When Paul tells us that we are to speak the truth in
love he calls us to speech that is both hard-edged and kind. This tension can
be difficult to manage. When sinned against, our natural response is often to
bring “the law” against the wrongdoer. With the law, we often bring
condemnation and punishment. For Christians, the law must always be
seasoned with the gospel and with forgiveness. This is, after all, how Jesus
confronts us. Being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
is a good rule of thumb when working through conflicts of any kind. This
helps us remain committed to what is best in the wrongdoer’s life and brings
honor to God.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Where do you fall on the truth-love spectrum? Do you focus most on
speaking the truth, or on loving others? What does this tell you about your
priorities?
2. Which listening skills do you find hardest to practice – wait, attend, clarify,
reflect, or agree? What can you do to improve your ability?
3. Has someone every spoken the truth in love to you? What impact did it
have on you? On your relationship with the person who spoke to you?
4. Is there someone you need to talk with about their wrongdoing? If so,
prayerfully ask God to help you plan how to show them their fault by
speaking the truth in love.

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9 Take One or Two Others Along

When we disagree with others, Scripture requires us to keep the matter as
private as possible as long as possible. We are to speak to others, rather
than about others. Sometimes private conversation proves futile. Matthew
18:16-17 sets out further steps we may need to take: involve 2 or 3 others
(Mt 18:16); engage the church, especially leadership (Mt 18:17); and, if all
else fails, treat the wrongdoer as a “pagan or a tax collector” (Mt 18:17).
Even removing someone from worship has as its goal repentance and
restoration, rather than punishment. Our response is not to shun someone
who has been disciplined, but to evangelize them, to win back their hearts
for God.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Within your church and community, do people go to others privately when
sinned against? Or, do they mostly speak to others about the offense, rather
than to the wrongdoer? How can you help them respond in a more godly
way?
2. Does your church have a process of discipline for members who refuse to
repent of serious wrongdoing? If so, does it focus on punishment, or on
restoration? What have been the results?
3. Have you ever served as a reconciler, helping others resolve their
differences? Where in your life are there opportunities to play this role?

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 Part 4 – Go and Be Reconciled

Go and Be Reconciled
Peacemaking involves restoring damaged relationships and negotiating just
agreements. When we forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us and seek
solutions that satisfy the interests of others as well as our own, the door is
opened to reconciliation and peace.

10 Forgive as God Forgave You

Forgiveness is the heart of the gospel. Through our faith in Jesus, we are a
forgiven people. Scripture commands us to forgive others in the same way
we have been forgiven. Some of us confuse forgiveness with forgetting, or
with feeling good about the wrongdoer. Real forgiveness is a choice, a
decision made in gratitude for the forgiveness we have received. When we
forgive someone, we release them from liability for the sins they committed
against us. The Four Promises of Forgiveness are tools that help us live out
the forgiveness we have granted. The Replacement Principle helps us see
the sinner accurately by recognizing godly aspects of their lives. Forgiveness
is hard and requires that we rely on God’s strength, not our own.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Do Christians in your community practice godly forgiveness? What are
some of the ways in which fellow-believers misunderstand forgiveness? How
can you help them change?
2. Which of the Four Promises do you find easiest to make? Are any of them
difficult for you? Be sure you rely on God’s strength, asking that he transform
you from the inside to live out those promises.
3. Make a list of the sins for which God has forgiven you. Be specific. Thank
God for his forgiveness and for the changes he is helping you to make. Then,
the next time someone sins against you, recall this list and ask, “How do my
sins – for which I’ve been forgiven – compare with the sins committed
against me?” The more we appreciate the forgiveness we’ve received, the
readier we become to forgive others.
4. Is there someone who has sinned against you? How does the Replacement
Principle apply to your attitude toward that person? What changes do you
need to make?

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11 Look Also to the Interests

of Others
Conflict narrows our focus, leading us to view matters in absolute terms – I’m
right and she’s wrong; I want what is good, so she must want what is bad.
Life is seldom this black and white and such thinking can betray a self-focus
that has tipped into idolatry. Paul’s counsel in Philippians 2 – to be concerned
not only for our own interests, but also for the interests of others – is an
antidote for hearts that have become hardened. The PAUSE Principle enables
us to negotiate substantive disagreements in a way that takes the concerns
of all into account. The key is understanding “interests” and negotiating in a
cooperative manner. Cooperative negotiation works best when relationships
are strong and itself is a tool in moving us toward reconciliation.
Questions for Reflection:
1. Do you negotiate competitive or cooperatively? What is the relationship
between your preferred negotiation style and where you place yourself on
the Slippery Slope?
2. Recall a conflict in which your emotions impacted the way you negotiated.
What was the result? What would you do differently next time?
3. Are reconciling personal issues and negotiating substantive disagreements
thought of as distinct where you live? For example, can you be relationally
reconciled with someone and openly disagree at the same time? Or, are
disagreements hidden beneath the surface to promote harmony? What does
your answer tell you about priorities in your community? In what ways are
they biblical? Unbiblical?
4. The heart of negotiating cooperatively is identifying “interests” and using
them to create different solutions. Have you ever experienced this kind of
problem solving? If you’re not certain what is involved, please re-read
Chapter 11.

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12 Overcome Evil with Good

Sometimes, nothing seems to work. We pray faithfully, take personal
responsibility, speak restoratively, consider the interests of others and…still
there is no peace. As Christians, we know this never means that God is not
working, or that he doesn’t hear our prayers. We must continue to trust him
with the timing and not become discouraged. Waiting on God should never
be passive. We are to watch what we say. We can seek the wisdom of godly
advisors. We must continue to do what is right. We need to remember that it
is God’s job to change hearts, not ours. And we can deploy the “ultimate”
weapon – a deliberate, focused love that meets the needs of enemies. In
doing so, we imitate Jesus himself, who rescued us “while we were yet
sinners.”
Questions for Reflection:
1. How do Christians in your community respond to enemies? How do you
respond? If your response godly?
2. Recall a time when you, or someone you know or know about, “overcame
evil with good.” What did they do that helped win over their enemy?

3. Is there a conflict in which you are involved that appears incapable of

being resolved? How have you responded? What can you do to actively
wait on God? In particular, what would it look like for you to deploy
deliberate, focused love?

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give
yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in
the Lord is not in vain. —1 Corinthians 15:58

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