Summarize the information by describing the main features of the charts and making
comparisons where appropriate
The given chart depicts the number of males and females participating in different fields and
the sum of the people’s numbers in those areas.
Overview, the selection of students was unequally distributed among disparate subjects.
Notably, the social sciences subjects were the most popular with males and females.
Opposite, the total number of agriculture was the hit-rock-bottom of this chart.
Regarding Social sciences, the graph shows that this subject was accepted by girls more
than boy students. the proportion of females was 4000 students, which was higher than that
of males in the same field by 1000 students. Meanwhile, the number of boys studying
engineering was around 2300 people, which was superior to girls by 1300 pupils.
Additionally, in Health and Humanities, the proportion of males was lower than females in
those two subjects, with around 1000 people compared to 1500 students.
In terms of the total of pupils who took part in different areas, the number of people studying
Social sciences sky-rocketed with 7000 students overall. Besides, other subjects were
approximately 1000-2000, with Engineering subject was the highest total with 2000
participants, except Social sciences. Otherwise, agriculture was the smallest sum, with
approximately 3 students.
Sửa lỗi ngữ pháp nâng cao
Here are the identified errors in your essay, along with corrections and explanations:
● Error: Overview, the selection of students was unequally distributed among disparate
subjects. Correction: In the overview, the selection of students was unequally
distributed among disparate subjects. Explanation: The word "Overview" should be
preceded by "In the" to form a complete phrase. This clarifies that you are introducing
an overview of the data.
● Error: Opposite, the total number of agriculture was the hit-rock-bottom of this chart.
Correction: Conversely, the total number of students in agriculture was at the bottom
of this chart. Explanation: "Opposite" is not used correctly here; "Conversely" is
more appropriate to indicate a contrasting idea. Additionally, "the hit-rock-bottom" is
an awkward phrase; "at the bottom" is clearer and more idiomatic.
● Error: Regarding Social sciences, the graph shows that this subject was accepted by
girls more than boy students. Correction: Regarding social sciences, the graph
shows that this subject was more popular among girls than among boys.
Explanation: "Social sciences" should be in lowercase as it is not a proper noun.
The phrase "accepted by girls more than boy students" is awkward; "more popular
among girls than among boys" is clearer and more natural.
● Error: The proportion of females was 4000 students, which was higher than that of
males in the same field by 1000 students. Correction: The proportion of females was
4,000 students, which was 1,000 students higher than that of males in the same field.
Explanation: Numbers in writing should be formatted with commas for clarity (e.g.,
4,000 instead of 4000). The phrase "higher than that of males in the same field by
1000 students" is awkward; rephrasing it makes it clearer.
● Error: Meanwhile, the number of boys studying engineering was around 2300
people, which was superior to girls by 1300 pupils. Correction: Meanwhile, the
number of boys studying engineering was around 2,300, which was 1,300 higher
than that of girls. Explanation: Again, numbers should be formatted with commas.
The phrase "superior to girls by 1300 pupils" is awkward; "1,300 higher than that of
girls" is clearer.
● Error: Additionally, in Health and Humanities, the proportion of males was lower than
females in those two subjects, with around 1000 people compared to 1500 students.
Correction: Additionally, in health and humanities, the proportion of males was lower
than that of females in those two subjects, with around 1,000 people compared to
1,500 students. Explanation: "Health and Humanities" should be in lowercase, as it
is not a proper noun. The phrase "lower than females" should be "lower than that of
females" for clarity.
● Error: In terms of the total of pupils who took part in different areas, the number of
people studying Social sciences sky-rocketed with 7000 students overall.
Correction: In terms of the total number of pupils who participated in different areas,
the number of people studying social sciences skyrocketed to 7,000 students overall.
Explanation: "Total of pupils" should be "total number of pupils." "Took part" is less
formal than "participated." The word "sky-rocketed" should be "skyrocketed" (no
hyphen), and numbers should be formatted with commas.
● Error: Besides, other subjects were approximately 1000-2000, with Engineering
subject was the highest total with 2000 participants, except Social sciences.
Correction: Additionally, other subjects had approximately 1,000 to 2,000
participants, with engineering having the highest total at 2,000 participants, excluding
social sciences. Explanation: "Besides" is less formal than "Additionally." The
phrase "with Engineering subject was the highest total" is grammatically incorrect; it
should be rephrased for clarity. "Except" should be "excluding" for better flow.
● Error: Otherwise, agriculture was the smallest sum, with approximately 3 students.
Correction: Conversely, agriculture had the smallest number, with approximately 3
students. Explanation: "Otherwise" is not the best choice here; "Conversely" is more
appropriate for indicating contrast. "Smallest sum" should be "smallest number" for
clarity.
By addressing these errors, your essay will be clearer and more grammatically correct. Keep
practicing, and you'll continue to improve your writing skills!
Task Achievement
Band Score: 6
Explanation: The essay provides an overview of the main features of the chart and makes
some comparisons. However, the essay does not fully satisfy all the requirements of the
task. For example, the essay does not provide a clear overview of the main trends in the
data. Additionally, the essay does not adequately highlight all of the key features of the
chart.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clearer overview of the main
trends in the data. For example, the essay could state that the number of students studying
social sciences is significantly higher than the number of students studying any other
subject. The essay could also be improved by highlighting all of the key features of the chart.
For example, the essay could mention that the number of female students studying social
sciences is significantly higher than the number of male students studying social sciences.
Coherence & Cohesion
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there are notable
issues with overall progression. While it attempts to compare the participation of males and
females across different fields, the connections between ideas are not clearly articulated.
The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, leading to confusion. For
instance, phrases like "the hit-rock-bottom" and "sky-rocketed" are informal and detract from
the academic tone. Additionally, paragraphing is present but not effectively utilized, as the
ideas within paragraphs do not flow logically.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on clearly
structuring paragraphs around central topics, ensuring each paragraph logically progresses
from one idea to the next. Using a wider range of cohesive devices appropriately will help
clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, maintaining a formal tone and avoiding
colloquial expressions will improve the overall quality of the essay. Lastly, providing clearer
comparisons and summarizing key points effectively will contribute to a more coherent
response.
Lexical Resource
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally
adequate for the task. While it attempts to convey information about the charts, the
vocabulary used is often repetitive and lacks precision. For example, phrases like "hit-rock-
bottom" and "sky-rocketed" are informal and may not be appropriate for an academic
context. There are noticeable errors in word choice, such as "accepted by girls" instead of
"chosen by girls," which may cause some difficulty for the reader. Additionally, there are
issues with spelling and word formation, such as "the sum of the people’s numbers" which is
awkwardly phrased.
How to improve: To enhance the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim to use a
wider range of vocabulary and avoid repetition. Incorporating more precise and formal
language would improve clarity. Additionally, practicing the correct usage of less common
lexical items and ensuring accurate spelling and word formation will help in achieving a
higher band score. Engaging with academic texts and expanding vocabulary through reading
can also be beneficial.
Grammatical Range & Accuracy
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures. While
there are attempts at complex sentences, they are often inaccurate or poorly constructed,
leading to frequent grammatical errors. For instance, phrases like "the hit-rock-bottom of this
chart" and "the number of boys studying engineering was around 2300 people" show
awkward phrasing and redundancy. Additionally, errors in punctuation and sentence
structure can cause some difficulty for the reader, impacting overall clarity.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus
on using a wider variety of sentence structures, including more complex forms, while
ensuring they are accurate. Practicing sentence variety and reviewing grammar rules can
help reduce errors. Additionally, proofreading for clarity and coherence can improve the
overall quality of the writing.
Bài chữa tham khảo
The given chart depicts the number of males and females participating in different fields, as
well as the total number of individuals in those areas.
Overall, the selection of students was unequally distributed among various subjects. Notably,
social sciences emerged as the most popular field for both males and females. In contrast,
the total number of students in agriculture was the lowest on this chart.
Regarding social sciences, the graph indicates that this subject attracted more female
students than male students. The proportion of females was 4,000, which exceeded that of
males in the same field by 1,000 students. Meanwhile, the number of boys studying
engineering was around 2,300, which was higher than that of girls by 1,300 pupils.
Additionally, in health and humanities, the number of males was lower than that of females in
both subjects, with approximately 1,000 males compared to 1,500 females.
In terms of the total number of pupils participating in different areas, the number of students
studying social sciences soared to 7,000 overall. Furthermore, other subjects had totals
ranging from approximately 1,000 to 2,000, with engineering having the highest total at
2,000 participants, excluding social sciences. Conversely, agriculture had the smallest total,
with approximately 3 students.