UNTANGLE YOUR THINKING

METHODS to UNTANGLE THINKING

1. Define the distortion:

A. All or Nothing / Black and White / Polarized Thinking: you think you're good or bad,
smart or dumb, a winner or a loser. You need to see 'shades of gray' or 'the middle ground'.
No one is 100% successful in everything. Everyone has assets and limitations.
B. Overgeneralization: Because something seems negative, you assume everything will always go wrong.
You got a failing grade and decide you'll never graduate. Someone breaks up with you and you decide you'll never
have a satisfying relationship.
C. Filtering: You focus on the rubbish (like coffee grounds) and ignore the positives (the flavorful brew).
You get 2-A's, 2-B's and a D. Instead of praising yourself for the A's and B's, you torture yourself over the D.
D. Jumping to Conclusions: You immediately assume the worst. You think you can read minds. People are
whispering or laughing and you know it's about you. You think you're a fortuneteller. "I'll never get promoted."
E. Catastrophizing or Magnifying or Minimizing: You decide a small setback is a major catastrophe. You were
reprimanded at work and are sure you'll be fired. You magnify your faults or the potential pitfalls of a situation
and minimize your assets/achievements. You magnify others' attributes and ignore your own.
F. Emotional Reasoning: You allow feelings to guide your thoughts. You are depressed and decide life is hopeless.
If your moods are governed by a chemical imbalance they are unpredictable and inaccurate.
G. Shoulds - Also known as 'Musts', 'Oughts', 'Shouldn'ts': You pressure or chastise yourself and others. Who
has authority to dictate someone's behavior? You set yourself up for failure or anger. Don't 'should' on yourself

H. Labeling: You call yourself and/or others names like incompetent"', ignorant', 'crazy' or 'lazy. Labels stick in your
mind and cause you to give up on yourself, others, relationships and/or situations.
1. Personalization: You take something personally that is marginally relevant to you. You're late to work two times.
When a memo is distributed about tardiness, you believe it's meant for you alone (forgetting that numerous
co-workers come late).
J. Blaming: You blame others for your joy or unhappiness. "If only he'd ask me out l'd be happy", "It's all her
fault I'm in a bad mood". What others say or do affects you only with your permission. Happiness is an 'inside
job' contingent on your view of self and circumstances.
2. Thought Substitution - With a positive but realistic thought:
Replace "I'm stupid" with "I'm knowledgeable about some things but need to learn more about others."
Replace "I'm ugly" with "I have some attractive features such as... (hair, eyes, etc.)."
3. Do a Reality Check:
Ask yourself and others the true facts. Usingwell and paper, make lists if necessary. If you lost a job or
relationship, list the number of jobs and/or+ onship you have had. Look at the quality of whatever you lost
(perhaps it's a blessing it's gone). Look 1d cois of current situation and new opportunities.
Decide it's not really the end of this wor
4. Talk to Yourself with Compassion:
Be gentle with yourself. Note your , ositi and reward your risk-taking. Perhaps you got a D or F but at
least you took the class. You were i sell "a job but you learned more about applications and interviews
for the next time. Give yourself a pep tr x.
5. Shades of Gray:
See yourself, others and situations or a continuum. You're neither perfect nor worthless. Most people aren't
100% friend or foe. Situations aren't necessarily terrific or terrible. Decide you're a human being who usually
succeeds but sometimes makes mistakes. Realize your friend is loyal 90% of the time. Your job is mostly
pleasant with some annoying aspects.
6. Substitute Terms:
Avoid emotionally laden words such as 'devastating', 'horrible', 'heartbroken'. Use 'disappointing', 'unfortunate,
'hurtful' to put things in perspective.
7. Worst Case Scenario:
Consider (but don't dwell on) the worst possible outcome. Decide how you'll survive ? the thoughts and/or
actions you'll take to accept and overcome the situation. If you lose a job or relationship, what changes will you
make to get and keep a more appropriate one?
To learn more about cognitive changes, consult Ien Days to Self-Esteem by David D. Burns, MD, © 1993, William Morrow and Company Inc.

53 © 2001 Wellness Reproductions and Publishing 1-800 / 669-

 Unhelpful Thinking Styles

All or nothing Over-

Sometimes called 'black generalising Seeing a pattern based
thinking
and white thinking' upon a single event, or
"everything being overly broad in the
1 If''m not perfect I have falled Is always
conclusions we draw
rubbish"
Either I do it right or not at all
"nothing good
ever happens"

Mental filter Disqualltying Discounting the good

Only paying attention to the positive
certain types of evidence. things that have happened
or that you have done for
Noticing our failures but some reason or another

1 not seeing our successes That doesn't count

Jumping to Magnification
There are two key types of
conclusions Blowing things out of
jumping to conclusions: (catastrophising)
proportion
? Mind reading & minimisation
(catastrophising), or
(imagining we know what
inappropriately shrinking
others are thinking) something to make it seem
? Fortune telling
2 + 2=5 (predicting the future)
less important

Emotional
reasoning Assuming that because .. s h o u l d Using critical words like
feel a certain way wha! 'should', 'must, or 'ought'
think must be true. can make us feel guilty, or
like we have already failed
I feel embarrassed so i must
be an idiot
other people the result is
often frustration

Labelling
Assigning labels to Personalisation Blaming yourself or taking
oursleves or other people responsibility for

I'm a loser
"this is something that wasn't
STUPID I'm completely useless
completely your fault.
Conversely, blaming other
They're such an idiot m y f a u l t " people for something that
was your fault.