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Day #23: H o w t o H a v e a G o o d F i r s t Date

So yesterday we talked about how to ask a girl out in a way that establishes you as a powerful man. Today i want to tell you a story I like to call How to Make Sure You NEVER Get a Second Date. I think youll learn a lot from this A few years ago I was going through a slump with women. It was not so much that I wasnt meeting any. IT was that the ones I was meeting just werent up to my standards. These girls were falling for me quickly, and I would soon have to break their hearts. It was depressing me. I was really starting to believe that either there were no quality girls left in the world, or that I just couldnt attract the ones I wanted. About that time I went on [Link]. A little while after going on the site I started an online flirtation with this cute Filipino girl. She would write me these long rambling emails at four in the morning (that were just the most amusing things to read) and I soon found myself very attracted to. We made arrangements to meet. When she arrived at my house, she was even hotter than her online photos portrayed her to be. Within minutes of talking to her I was already feeling like this was going to

be different. I was sensing a connection I didnt feel with the other girls. When we got to the bar, things went even better. The conversation was flowing naturally, we were laughing a lot, doing shots together, teasing one another. I was genuinely the best date I had in months. Mid way through the date I was already imagining our future together. Although I didnt get a kiss that night, she came back to my house for a bit, and the evening ended on a high note. The next day I couldnt stop thinking about her. And although it had only been one day since I saw her, it felt like an eternity. My better judgment told me to wait a day or two before contacting her again but I couldnt help it, I sent her an email that night. Something along the lines of had a really great time last night. What day this week do you want to play tennis? (we had talked about playing tennis on the date) She didnt respond to the email for a couple days. When she did respond, all she wrote was I had a good time too. You are a really funny guy. She never mentioned the tennis invite. The night I got her email I called her. She didnt answer so I left a message. She never called me back. I waited a week then emailed her again Guess we didnt connect as much as I thought or something Chumpy like that. She wrote back the next day saying Sorry Ive just been busy. YourE really NICE Im just not sure what Im looking for right now in terms of relationships. BAM it was over. The one girl I actually felt a connection with didnt even have interest in a

second date. I began really analyzing what went wrong and it became painfully obvious why she had no desire to see me again. Below Im going to go over the mistakes I made on that meeting. -Mistakes that will Prevent Day Two [+] Too quickly deciding that you liked her. The previous girls that I was dating I was always the one doing the judging. I would sit back and let them prove their worth to me. This put me in the position to be the prize. With the FIlipino girl, I decided too soon that I liked her. Once I decided that I liked her I started working too hard to impress her. I was way too attached to the outcome of the date. Girls can sense when youre investing more than they are, and it will immediately lower your value and put her in the position of being the prize. Giving them the power (as discussed yesterday) [+] Resorting to Nice Guy Lines. I really believed that I had experienced a connection with the Filipino girl. I truly believed she was feeling the same way. Because I felt there was this connection there, I let my guard down. Normally I would never show my hand on a date. I would always keep the girl guessing what was going through my mind. The mistake I made on this date was that I gave too much away. I was complimenting her way too much. I kept telling her how cute she was. I remember at one point I was smiling, and she asked what? and I said youre just really cute. AAAGGGHHH I kept bringing up plans for a second date. We hadnt even finished our first date and I was already asking her to play tennis together, to go see a movie

she mentioned. Because I felt so comfortable with her I felt at ease to tell her about my recent trouble finding a girl I really liked. I dropped all player mode and started to open up with her way to soon. [+] Not Escalating Touch Although we were having a good time together, I was in nice guy mode, and was scared to ruin the evening by moving to fast. I would very rarely make any physical contact, and when I did I would quickly pull away as to not scare her. Normally, even on dates with girls I didnt like, I would be advancing towards sex after an hour into the date. Here I was 2 hours into a great date and I was scared to leave my hand on her waist for more than a second. [+] Let her Call the Shots Once we got to the bar, she quickly took the role of leader. She was the one suggesting what to drink. When the bar got crowded, she was the one who suggested that we move to a table in the back, when the DJ played a song she liked, she was the one who suggested we go on the dance floor. It was like I was so scared of making a wrong move that I gave all power to her. I even broke one of my cardinal date rules; Always be the one who ends it. About midnight she is the one to say its getting late we should get going. [+] Planning the Next Meeting Before the Date Ended. On Day 18 I told you my favorite thing to say at the end of a date was see you soon. That was something that I always naturally did before her, and have always naturally did since her. But that particular night I felt compelled to try to make plans to immediately see her again.

By making immediate plans you dont give the girl the joy of wondering when shes going to hear from you again. /Golden Nugget Remember, a large part of attraction occurs when the girl is away from you and thinking about you. The less sure she is in her status with you, the more time she is going to spend thinking about you. We think about what we are confused about. -/Golden Nugget [+] Contacting Her too Soon After Day One. I used the fact that we had such a good time as a reason to call the next day. The fact that we had such a good time should have been used as a reason to wait a few days to call. If she really had a good time she would be going crazy waiting for my call. The whole time shes waiting for my call my value is increasing in her mind by leaps and bounds. I threw it all away by contacting her the next night. The minute I contacted her, her brain went OK I have this guy now let me decide if I want him. When you dont call, her brain is going Does he want me? That is what you want her brain thinking. [+] Acting Needy When She Wasnt Responding Quick Enough. As many mistakes as I made on the date itself, I still believe I could have savaged it if I was able to stay cool during our contacts post date. Unfortunately I wasnt Whenever she delayed contacted me, I got needy and contacted her right away. And when I sensed she was blowing me off.. I did the worst possible thing my sending her a message stating my feelings I tried to guilt her into seeing me again.

This scene in the movie Swingers sums up how there is nothing you can do to make a girl want to come back:

So how do you get a day two? Very simple. You implement all of the advice youre learning throughout the 31 days. And you dont convince yourself shes different. Do you remember what she wants? 1. Fun 2. Connection 3. Sexuality So give it to her Make it happen! Bobby Rio

P.S. Control the Attraction is a great blueprint for how to keep the power in a relationship. ==> Learn all the rules of Amplifying the Attraction Just make sure you dont convince yourself you dont need games. You ALWAYS need to play games.

{ 23 comments
read them below or add one

fin
June 28, 2011 at 12:32 am

hey bobby, I have a question about dating or even just flirting with someone you work with. How would you try to escalate conversation with someone you work with? the girl i work with seems shy, although she laughs at ALL my jokes and likes talking to me about our interests and stuff we have done over the weekend and even what our families are like, she is un-responsive when I try to escalate though touch or making a sexual comment. It also worries me that if I do push too hard to escalate she may really hate me, I know your not supposed to have fear of being turned down but since i have to see her nearly everyday I would hate to complicate things. any advice you have to offer is greatly appreciated, also Id like to thank you for making this program, it has helped alot!
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Art

June 29, 2011 at 9:48 pm

Dont fool around with a woman from your work place unless there are a couple of big buildings and in case of a break up you want see each other every day. You can really screw your job that way. Leave women from your workplace and focus on other places
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Dan

July 29, 2011 at 10:26 pm

meet her outside of work. Use the first date technique shown yesterday. You cant escalate during work, silly
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Kieth

July 7, 2011 at 2:07 am

wow, i just blew it again with a girl that was throwin herself at me, by doing all the shit i shouldnt done mentioned in the above e-mail oh God , not again when will I fuckin learn ?
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Drew

July 7, 2011 at 6:56 pm

Fin: I agree with Art. However, I have found that the workplace is a decent place to practice under the radar things like killing appproach anxiety and developing banter technique. But I personally would NEVER date a coworker if the job meant anything to me.

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AVIJIT PANDIT

July 10, 2011 at 7:25 am

Mr. Rio I wrote a comment as a response to your weekly review (day 21) pagebut you didnt respond. Anyways, no [Link] a busy man; you must have missed it.I [Link] here it is [Link] really appreciate a feedback from you this time! Hey [Link] First of all , this stuff that you do, its inspirational, because most guys even when they DO become real good with women, tend to keep it to themselves. Now, Ive been researching the topic of women, dating and relationships for the last few years, as it is my 2nd dream to become Indias Most Successful Dating Guru by age 32-35. (If you want to laugh, go ahead, nows the time) MY PROBLEM: Im having problems adapting openers to Indian girls, as I find they are very closed up at [Link] see, in India, theyre only 2 types of girls (as of now) extremes-the traditional sexually closed type, and the wildchild sexually liberated types. Please help. Trickypaw New Delhi India
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Bobby Rio

July 10, 2011 at 1:24 pm

Hey, my advice would be to just experiment with different kinds of openers ie) direct, situational, opinion, honest compliment, funny and just see which type indian girls respond best to. I personally found that situational openers work best on girls that are closed.. because youre not putting the pressure on them the two of you are talking about other thing and then you gradually shift the focus of the conversation onto the two of you
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Orhan

July 19, 2011 at 7:31 am

i did many things like that and yes it doesnt work. girls are idiot.
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brad

September 30, 2011 at 8:23 pm

Its not the girl its the process. Take full responsibility, learn from mistakes, and we grow.
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Jeremy

July 23, 2011 at 1:10 am

Hey Mr. Rio, What if its the other way around and the girl is asking to hang out with you the day after your first dateis it best to text her back or to leave her wondering? Also, when dealing with a girl that is looking for a challenge, when she texts you, is it best to text her back but be short with her, or to not even text back?
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shak

August 5, 2011 at 4:04 am

so before i started to take in ur advice i was chillin with this girl the whole time we spent went good and she seemed rlly interested i msged her that night asking for the number so we could chill again she never messaged back i see how i gave the power away and understand that how do i get it bak cuz i jus wanna fuk her
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Josh

September 24, 2011 at 12:40 pm

I have this good friend of mine. We spend quite a bit of time together on a regular basis. I feel like I would want to marry her someday, we talk a lot, share personal things, and stuff like that. She know exactly how I feel. I have told her many times. We have even had some arguments over it. She says that she has tried to see me as a boyfriend, but she just cant. She is still a virgin (@20 years old) but has fooled around sexually with other guys. I recently just found out that she even let a guy (who is a mutual friend of ours) touch her between her legs with her pants down. And she briefly touched his cock. I asked her which of the two of us was more attractive, and she said that I was. Yet over a year ago (before I became a christian) I had asked her to fool around and she just said no to me.

She has actually recently become a christian too, and wants to wait until marriage before losing her virginity. We are one the same page with that (I am NOT a virgin though). I use to feel like I was obsessed with her and began praying to God for Him to help me to have more self control. it worked. I started feeling like she didnt OWN me anymore and I have not felt the NEED to talk to her all the time, and my desire to hang out with her at her every request is gone too. I was also reading some articles on how distancing yourself from a female friend can have a great impact on changing how she feels about you. After hanging out one day, she asked to meet again the following day. I said no, that I would be busy (even though I wasnt) I didnt talk to her for 2 and a half days which is very unusual. about 4 or 5 days later. long story short, she was all of a sudden very bitchy and we had a 3 day on and off war over the phone because she kept taking things out of context and getting angry at me for not answering the phone when she wanted to and things like that (I can give you the details if you want) I confronted her on it, and told her that I feel like I am no longer a SLAVE to my passion for her,and that there are other girls out there. But secretly I dont care about other girls that much and specifically want HER. Again, long story short. She thinks I have girls interested in me, who I am also interested in (which is more or less true lol) and we have had a significant decline in the amount of time spent together in person and over the phone. I have noticed that at least twice she has constantly called me (with me responding I cant talk right now, ill call you later) and then the rest of the day she reminded me to call her back or even called me and I had to do the same thing lol. There is more to it, but basically I see some changes in her, suggesting she may be jealous? But she still claims she dosnt like me at all, and that she probably never will. We argued one day and said we didnt want to see eachother again. and the next day we hung out asi if nothing had happened. She even asked me to remove her belly button pericings, and even HELD my hand for over half a minute while I was doing it. I asked her about that a week later, and she said that it was because she was scared I would hurt her? Yet she could have just held onto the chair There are more details, but what do you think so far? Have I blown it? Or do you think there is a chance?
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Bobby Rio

October 1, 2011 at 3:32 pm

We got an upcoming lesson about how to turn a female friend into a lover follow the advice there. If it still doesnt work.. move on.
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Russell

October 1, 2011 at 5:33 am

Hey man..can you send me again the day 22 advice? i cant seem to find it in my inboxthanks man
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Bobby Rio

October 1, 2011 at 3:30 pm

heres the link: [Link]

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Tomaz

October 30, 2011 at 11:27 am

I have something i would like to ask you. last night i was at party at friends house, and me and a girl that i had just seen once before and we started making out in the couch in the living room, after a while w went to one of the rooms and i started to escalate. when i was just about to take her bra off when she stops kissing me and tells me she couldnt continue because she had just broke up with a guy the day before and still liked him. how can i stop this from happening or what could i do different or did wrong??? please respond??? possibly important info: i am 16 she is 17 we are both portuguese and live in portugal she was the one that started.
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Tomaz

November 1, 2011 at 5:31 pm

please respond
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Chris lam

November 13, 2011 at 12:25 pm

my advice is to not act needy, she will want her ex back for a bit, because she is occupying her mind the most. You need to try to do the same, carry on doing the escalation, the touches, the bantering and teasing and make moves. Keep her guessing about you intentions and as soon as she starts getting over her ex, she will think through other potential guys. She will think about the potential guys a lot more and if she thinks

that shes losing you, she will think more about you. Convincing herself that she likes you as you occupy more of her thinking time. this feeling of loss will be multiplied tenfold if she just recently got dumped by her ex. Causing her to like you more. thats my take on it.
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Chris lam

November 13, 2011 at 12:26 pm

Basically, give it time.

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ryan

November 19, 2011 at 4:55 pm

thanks great advice.

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Ukeme john udo

November 20, 2011 at 8:31 am

I went 4 camping and there was a place I was sitting and a girl came up 2 meet me ave never seen ha b4 and we just started talkin,she asked of my name I told and I asked of hers 2.,unknown 2 me she even went ahead 2 look 4 me on facebook and even gave me ha bb pin up till now we do chart. I want 2 really know if she loves me or just wants sum1 dat she would chart wit.
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Tap

December 21, 2011 at 11:48 pm

So Ive been reading all your stuff thus far and it seems legit. As i go through my options on girls that I think may be more worth getting serious with and implementing all this info, I noticed the majority of the girls dont believe in pre-marital sex. How am I supposed to work with that?
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Travis

January 14, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Ive done that shit a few times before I figured that out. Ill make sure to keep ur advise in my head.

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